Fight Club Like the plot to Simpsons Wrestling Kang and Kodos force Springfield to send their finest fighter to challenge them. Springfield will decide this via a wrestling/fighting tournament where anything goes. (Well almost, the citizens agree to three kinds of attack and stamina meter that certain attacks drain more stamina than others. And matches are won by pinning) Will Springfield defeat this intergalactic threat?
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob kidnaps Bart, or at least he thought so until his hostage turns out to be Hugo!
The Simpsons are watching the news while eating TV dinners. Suddenly Kang and Kodos interrupt the news.
"Behold earthlings!" said Kang.
"Aghhhh! A space squid!" Homer screamed.
"Listen well Earthlings! We challenge your finest warrior to a fight to the death! If we win your planet will be destroyed! Or enslaved. Or enslaved and destroyed, I can't make up my mind!" said Kang.
"However. If you win, we will leave you alone, never to return!" said Kodos. "Except on Halloween."
"To help you decide who should be your finest warrior we propose a fighting tournament! The rules are for you to decide. We will merely be the final opponents for your champion! That is all! End communication!" said Kang. However he was still connected to Earth's TV. "You know that itch you really can't get... Wait we're still on?! You son of a bi-" communications cut out and the news returned.
"Well folks, that, um, was rather unexpected. We will bring you more news after these commercials." said Kent.
"Oh no! Dad what's gonna happen?" Lisa asked.
"We'll just have to take part in this tournament." said Homer.
"It hasn't even started yet Homeboy. We'll probably have a town meeting about it..." said Bart.
The following evening everyone was instructed to go to the town hall for a meeting hosted by the Mayor.
Mayor West addressed the crowd who were quite literally saying "Blah! Blah! Blah blah!" Over and over.
"Quiet please! People may I have your attention!" said Mayor West. The townsfolk went quiet.
Mayor West explained the tournament and the rules. "Several locations in Springfield have been chosen to hold arenas to fight in. Evergreen Terrace, Moe's, Krusty studios has promised a circus based arena, The Kwik E mart car park, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and Barney's Bowlerama." said Mayor West. "Those will be all unless anyone else wants to set up more."
"But what about the rules Mayor? We can't have a tournament without rules! There'd be anarchy!" said Ned.
"Shut up Stupid Flanders!" said Homer.
"Homer!" Marge scolded Homer.
"Very well. For each battle you will decide on three moves of different types. May I suggest perhaps a basic move or combo, a projectile or strong attack and a special attack unique to you. And you have only a set amount of stamina that periodically replenishes itself so no one will be too strong. Taunts stun and grant temporary invincibility. Rounds are won by pinning. Each battle is decided by best of two..." Adam West listed the rules. Which bored everyone. "The usual jumps, holds, running attacks, suplexes etc are allowed. That is all."
"Uh, everyone go home to train! Your planet depends on you!" said Quimby.
Everyone left while muttering.
The next day was the first fight. Some generic civilians and lesser characters were annoyed they couldn't join. Some of them were; Blond Barney (Barney's evil cousin), Black Smithers and Ms Botz.
The first duel was in the Evergreen Terrace arena Between Homer and whoever wished to challenge him. Comic book guy did.
"So, uh how is that ring not blocking traffic?" Oscar asked Bart.
"It is." said Bart. There was loud horns beeping and people yelling because the fighting arena/wrestling ring was in the way.
Homer was a terrible fighter because he had a slow combo that was only effective against slower opponents. His projectiles was to throw two bowling balls about that bounced across the arena and his unique attack was just to eat donuts.
"I warned him he could have three attacks but he wouldn't listen..." Lisa sighed as Homer got pummelled when he wasted time eating donuts.
”Doesn’t that heal him?” Milhouse explained in question while reading the enclosed instruction manual.
”Yes but I found it pointless and wasteful as an ability.” said Oscar.
Meanwhile Sideshow Bob was in the shadows spying on Bart.
"Ah, a sitting duck! This is almost too easy..." said Bob. "Eh, I'll take it as a sign it's my lucky day."
In the crowd.
"I need to go to the bathroom. Hold my space." said Hugo as he left to go to the toilet.
Bob waited to strike, as luck would have it he spotted Bart leaving the crowd and head towards his house to go to the bathroom.
When the Bart-like person went into the backyard Sideshow Bob struck grabbing Bart or who he thought was Bart in a choke hold.
"I have you now Bart! Any last words?" said Sideshow Bob as his theme played.
"Uh, I'm not Bart. I'm his twin brother Hugo." said Hugo.
The sideshow Bob them cut out like a record after the needle had been taken off.
"What!? You've got to be kidding me! This just another one of your tricks Bart!" Sideshow Bob didn't believe him.
"No! I'm telling you I'm not Bart! I'm Hugo!" said Hugo. "Can't you tell the difference? My hair's messy, I have a missing tooth!"
"I um thought you just had a rather physical altercation with someone, like the bothersome upheaval going on on the street." said Sideshow Bob.
"No I always look like this. This is what happens when when your parents lock you away for your whole life!" said Hugo.
"I'm beginning to think this is getting rather elaborate to be just another trick to distract me. If it is I want to know. Now." said Bob.
"It's not. I'm telling you the truth!" said Hugo.
"Well, Hugo. I think you'll be very useful in helping me get Bart..." said Sideshow Bob in a sinister tone.
"How so?" Hugo asked.
"By being my hostage. When Bart finds out your in danger he'll come running to save you." said Sideshow Bob.
"I don't think so." said Hugo.
"Why?" Bob asked.
"You don't know my family. They don't care about me. They didn't even want me..." said Hugo.
The Simpsons were noticing Hugo was gone.
"What's taking Hugo so long? He just went to the bathroom." said Bart.
"Who now?" Homer asked as the watched Comic book guy fight Moe.
"Hugo! My twin brother!" said Bart. You know, the uglier fish head eating twin."
"Oh..." said Homer. "What of it?"
"Someone should check on him to see if his alright. He's still family whether you like it or not." said Bart.
"Not if I crack the narrator's head with my bowling ball." said Homer.
Don't even think of it Homer.
"Daaaad!" Bart sighed.
"Fine... We'll all go look for him..." Homer sighed.
Sideshow Bob began to strangely feel sorry for Hugo.
"And they say I'm the villain!" said Bob.
"Bart did always mention you keep trying to murder him." Hugo said with a cough trying to explain Bob was the bad guy for a reason.
"I hold grudges." said Bob.
"And you tried to kill Aunt Selma."
"Have you tried being married to that woman?" said Bob.
"Uh no." said Hugo wondering why he made that comparison. "And you rigged the mayoral elections to try and demolish our house, tried to detonate an atomic bomb and framed Krusty. I'd say they have a point considering all they did was lock me up in their attic."
"And I suppose you're a saint..." said Bob.
"No. But I've never tried to kill anyone." said Hugo. "And what is with the banana leaf skirt, the snake fang necklace and the hair?! What are you George of the Jungle?"
"You really shouldn't be insulting a convicted serial killer..." Bob warned him.
"Attempted serial killer. You haven't actually successfully killed anyone have you?" said Hugo.
"No,,." Bob sighed.
"So why the-" Hugo was about to pester him when...
"Hugo!" his family arrived lead by Bart.
"Aghhhh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screamed.
"You guys came to find me?! I thought you didn't care about me!" said Hugo.
"Of course we do! It's just your father that um doesn't really show compassion..." said Marge hugging Hugo.
Homer huffed as if he'd been insulted.
"This is the time where you leave Bob, before we call the authorities..." said Oscar.
"Wait! Can I keep him Mom? Huh? Can I?" Hugo asked.
"No! Hugo, he keeps trying to kill me so much it's not even funny anymore!" said Bart whining.
"Okay I suppose him killing you would put a bit of a damper on my plans to reattach us..." said Hugo.
Everyone groaned "Hugo..." as if it was normal for him to constantly want to do that.
After Sideshow Bob had fled the Simpsons got back to watching and sometimes taking part in the fights. Homer proved he was the least capable fighter whereas Maggie was very helpful to Marge by clamping onto opponents and slowing them down. Lisa was also somewhat effective with her saxophone playing as it stunned people.
However this was just the preliminaries. There would be more capable fighters to come. Right now though Bumblebee man and Apu were the best fighters strangely enough. Especially Apu after that performance against the dolphins...
"I don't think Bumblebee Man is eh hero material... we need to get past him to the defender's circuit if we have any chance of saving the world." said Lisa as the kids watched Bumblebee Man fight at Krusty's circus arena on the Krusty the clown show.
"Ay ay ay! Me gusta!" said Bumblebee Man. A chihuahua was heard barking as his special attack involved releasing a chihuahua on his opponents.
Bart called to see how Oscar and Hugo were doing after the Sideshow Bob scare. They were at the Kwik e mart getting squishees. However the arena outside in the car park attracted enormous amounts of customers which made their usual haunt cramped.
"No Bart, I doubt we'll be seeing Sideshow Bob again. He was only a secondary villain in this turn of events. Kang and Kodos are the real threat." said Oscar. "Unless he's secretly working with them or something again."
"Look just keep a close eye on Hugo and get him back to Krustylu studios." said Bart.
"Awwww! I think you're starting to like your twin brother...!" Oscar said cooing into his mobile phone.
"No! It's just that he's family. And he has matching blood and organs." said Bart.
The wrestling arenas dotted around soon made things frustrating especially when one was set up inside the church that Saturday.
"Bible fight!" yelled Oscar starting a fight by throwing bibles at people. The church descended into anarchy.
"Right that's it! This fighting tournament has gone on too long!" Marge ranted. "I'm having words with Kang and Kodos!" As soon as she shouted everyone stopped fighting.
Marge went to Kang's space ship to have words with him and his sister Kodos.
"But we're alien conquerors! We made our demands!" said Kang.
"Get off of my planet!" Marge yelled at them.
"Very well." said Kang. "But I want custody of our daughter!"
"Uh, that was a Halloween episode. I don't think that really happened." said Marge.
The aliens ejected her from their ship and took off never to return. Except for Halloween.
Eventually everything went back to normal and the arenas were dismantled or at least set up where they wouldn't be annoying.
"Well that was a good way to let off some pent up rage." said Homer.
"I can't believe Lisa's choice of special attack was to bite people..." Said Oscar nursing bites on his arm.
"Hmmmmmm....!" Marge sighed.
"Uh I might have got carried away..." said Lisa.
"I'm just glad everything is back to normal..." said Bart.
Dr Colossus stomped through town in a doomsday machine destroying everything.
"Tremble before my colossal calamity colossus!" said Dr Colossus.
The Simpsons rolled their eyes.