E-I-E-I D'oh! After seeing a movie about Zorro and witnessing Snake be very rude to people in the cue out Homer developes a habit of glove slapping people as an old fashioned duellist like Zorro. However he does this one to many times when he slaps a southern gentleman who accepts his challenge.
Then the Simpsons have to go into hiding on a farm Homer lived on as a child where they try to make money by growing crops. With a little help from some plutonium Homer grows Tomacco, a foul tasting but highly addictive fruit.
The Aztec theatre. The Poke of Zorro is on. There’s also My Dinner with Jar Jar and other bizarre films.
The Simpsons are at the cinema about to watch The Poke of Zorro. A hackneyed sequel to the Mask of Zorro.
There are constant annoying trailers.
One is a war scene like the open fight in Saving Private Ryan.
”War is terrible, ain’t it?” said a narrator over the commercial.
A Nazi screams as he is shot.
”Buzz cola, the taste you’ll kill for!” It was a commercial for Buzz Cola.
“Available in ze lobby!” said a Nazi.
”Do they really think cheapening the memory of our veterans will sell soda?!” Lisa asked offended.
Homer is annoyed by the constant trailers so he goes out to get some refreshments. “I have to go to ze lobby...” he said imitating the Nazis in the commercial.
He asks for a tub of chocolate malt balls topped up with boiling hot butter from the popcorn machine's butter dispenser.
"You're not supposed to do that sir!" said Squeaky voiced Teen.
"You're supposed to wash your hands after going to the bathroom." Homer retorted.
"Uh, touché sir..." squeaky voiced teen allowed him to buy his made up snack.
Homer went back to the screen room where his family were watching the Poke of Zorro. He sat down but poured some very hot butter on Marge's lap accidentally.
"Homer! You're pouring hot butter on my lap!" Marge warned him.
The movie then began. It was extremely hackneyed and stupid. Zorro got told off by the love interest for constantly cutting her dress after he rescued her from the three musketeers and d'Artagnan.
"Sacre bleu!" They lamented as he killed them.
”The deadly poke of Zorro...” one of them cried as he died.
"I am Zorro! I have come to restore King Arthur to the throne!"
"Wow! It's like a history lesson brought to life!" said Bart.
"No it isn't! It's extremely inaccurate!" Lisa whined.
"Shhhhh! Here come the karate nuns!" said Homer. We hear a nun making karate war cries and fighting sounds.
"Zorro! What part of Stop cutting my dress do you not understand!" said the lady.
Zorro wanted to see her blouse but found someone else had left their insignia!
"SP?! That can only be one man's insignia, the Scarlet Pimpernel!" said Zorro. "Lady you have been greatly dishonoured!"
"She's cheating on you Zorro! Chop off her head!" Bart yelled.
"Bart..." Marge sighed at Bart's violent remarks.
Then Zorro got into a sword fight with the man in the iron mask.
"N? What's that supposed to mean?!" said the man in the iron mask.
"No no no. It's Zee for Zorro!" said Zorro.
"Oh come on! Zorro never encountered the man in the iron mask!" Lisa yelled in disbelief. We hear ninjas fighting. "Now he's fighting ninjas?!"
Ninjas fighting sounds.
Then some time later Zorro encountered the Scarlet Pimpernel in a theatre watching a play or something. He slapped the Scarlet Pimpernel with his glove. Everyone went silent with a gasp.
"You sir have insulted my honour! I challenge you to a duel! Or are you a coward?" said Zorro.
The Scarlet Pimpernel grabbed him. "I sir. Am a coward!!" he yelled before running away.
Then the Quimby sounding King Arthur announced he was proud of Zorro for saving him that he abdicated and made Zorro the new king.
Eventually the hackneyed film ended with funny credits.
Here’s the funny credits.
Zorro - John Byner
Robot Zorro - Shawn Wayans
Yes a robot Zorro...
Mrs. Zorro - Rita Rudner
Oh god! Rita Rudner!
Rod and Todd screamed and cowered.
Scarlet Pimpernel - Curtis "Booger" Armstrong.
King Arthur - Cheech Marin
Man in the Iron Mask - Gina Gershon
Wise Nun - Posh Spice
Stupid Nun - Meryl Streep
Time Traveler #1 - Stone Cold Steve Austin
Orangutan at Dance - "Puddles"
Gay-Seeming Prince - Spalding Gray
Man Beating Mule - Eric Roberts
Oscar screamed in horror.
Mule Beating Man - "Gus"
Hiccuping Narrator - Pele
President Van Buren - Robert Evans
Corky - Anthony Hopkins
Oscar screamed again.
Voice of Magic Taco - James Earl Jones
Hehehe magic taco...
The Simpsons commented on how awful the film was. However Bart liked it for its wackiness. However Snake rudely barged past them.
"What awful manners! Someone should teach that man a lesson!" Marge said in a vexed tone.
"Mom no! That's Snake! He tried to kill me last Treehouse of Horror!" Bart whined.
However Homer had decided to teach Snake a lesson himself. He slapped Snake with his glove. Everyone gasped at his reckless action.
"You sir have insulted my honour! I challenge you to a duel!" said Homer.
Snake was shocked by such an arrogant remark and by the fact Homer would dare to strike him.
"Or are you a coward...?" Homer asked.
"Would a coward do this? Buh-yyyyyyeee!" Snake responded before running away.
Everyone praised Homer for his bravery.
"Oh Homer that was so brace of you!" Marge found his selfless and possibly foolish act romantic.
Homer took mustard from the hotdog stall and squeezed some mustard on Marge's dress.
"There, HS! For Homer Simpson!" said Homer trying to copy Zorro.
Marge grumbled as he had ruined her dress by getting mustard on it.
Homer was at Moe's one evening when Moe cracked a joke about him at his expense. Homer slapped him with his duelling glove.
"You sir have insulted my honour! I challenge you to a duel!" said Homer.
Moe was shocked by this action. "Now easy there Homer! I don't want no duel! Here have a free beer!"
"Wow! You've never given away a free beer before Moe!" said Homer surprised by his generosity.
"Well, I ain't ever been slapped by no duelling glove before either!" said Moe.
"Wow... I wonder..." Homer pondered.
A short musical montage plays out with a parody of Love Shack by the B52s called Glove Slap playing as Homer goes about glove slapping people such as a toll booth operator and his doctor.
Homer is then shopping at Apu's. However there is an extremely long queue. Homer sighs and decides to glove slap everyone out of the way. However...
"Sir, I accept your challenge." said a southern colonel in a fine white suit.
"What?!" Homer gasped.
"You challenged me to a duel. I accept. Let's say pistols at dawn." said the colonel.
"Oh why did I have to slap the southern gentleman guy...!" Homer whined.
Homer explained the news to his family.
"Oh Homer... You're always getting yourself into messes like this..." Marge sighed.
"Relax Mom, like that southern gentleman even knows where we live... I bet he doesn't even show up..." said Bart.
However a Dixie horn played.
"Um you might all want to look out the window..." Lisa explained nervously.
Out on the kerb was a mobile home with a confederate flag on the roof and a southern gentleman waiting outside.
"I say, sir! Will you vacate the premises please?" said the colonel.
"You guys have got to help me!" Homer whined.
"Hey Lis look! A confederate flag! Wooooooo!" Oscar teased Lisa about her liberalism.
"Oscar cut that out! I'm not gonna throw a tantrum every time I see a confederate flag!" said Lisa. But she did as she ran about the room screaming and ranting. "Aghhhhh! Slavery is abhorrent and evil! Why would you have that awful flag printed on your motor home?! Etc"
"Okay everyone calm down. I'll think of a plan!" said Marge.
The Simpsons except Homer came outside with a large bundle in a white sheet. He’s in the large bundle...
"Excuse me sir, but we just need to take this old Christmas tree down to the dump and we'll be back Later. I don't know where my Husband has gone off to, but I'm sure he'll be back soon." said Marge. He’s in the bundle with the Christmas tree...
"Why now I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't help you ma'am with that rather large and heavy tree you're carrying!" said the southern gentleman.
”No no no no! You’ll get sap on your lovely white suit!” said Marge.
”Oh well I’m charmed ma’am but the least I can do is shoot it into smaller pieces for you!” said the southern white gentleman.
”Well it’s worth a-“ said Bart but Marge hand gagged him.
”Well I suppose you can help, kind sir.” said Marge.
”My pleasure, Ma’am.” said the southern white gentleman.
"Why thank you!" said Marge as the man helped her put the object in the boot of her car. (It's Homer! Hehehe!"
The Simpsons drive off somewhere never to return.
While on the road.
"We can't stay on the run forever Homer..." said Marge.
"Not forever just until that Southern Gentleman gets bored and leaves." said Homer.
"What if he doesn't?" Marge asks.
"I haven't thought of that. It's okay we'll find somewhere new to live! We'll live under the sea!" said Homer. He daydreamed they were under the sea playing musical instruments with turtles as drums and coral string instruments and saxophones.
"Under the seaaaaa! Under the seaaaa!" Homer sung to Under the sea from Disney's the Little Mermaid. "With friendly crustaceans and no accusations under the seeeeeeaaaaa!"
There was an instrumental as he ate all the sea creatures including Sebastian the crab. XD
After the song finished the dream ended with Simpsons annoyed that he had eaten all the poor sea creatures.
"Homer, we're not living under the sea..." Marge nagged.
"Not with that attitude..." Homer sighed.
Suddenly they encountered former president Jimmy Carter making a house.
"Look! Former president Jimmy Carter!" said Lisa. They stopped to ask him for help.
"Mr Carter, can you build us a house? We can't go back to ours..." said Lisa begging.
"I'm sorry little girl but these houses are for the really needy!" said Jimmy Carter.
"Oh come on Carter! Build us a house you lazy bum!" Homer yelled.
"That's it! You sir have insulted my honour! I challenge you to a duel!" said Jimmy Carter.
Homer screamed and drove off.
"Hey! Get back here!" Jimmy Carter yelled.
"I still think we should have gone with Homer's idea with us living under the sea..." said Oscar as he hummed to Under the sea from Disney's the Little Mermaid.
"For the last time no one's living under the sea!" Marge nagged.
"Hey look!" Homer said as they stopped.
"Dad, why have stopped outside this shabby farm house..." Bart asked.
"This is old man Moose's farm! This is where I grew up!" said Homer. "We can live here!" And that was that. They got out and unpacked.
"Let's see how my Hotdog plant is doing!" Homer ran off somewhere.
"Uh... I'm not gonna even ask..." Bart didn't even want to know why Homer thought hotdogs grew from plants.
Homer then showed them round.
"Dad showed me round a few summers back when we were selling that love potion!" said Homer as he showed them around.
"You mean the one that's highly inflammable and caused several house fires..." Lisa asked.
"Why is there a bathtub and a toilet buried in the floor and holes in the ceiling...?" Marge asked.
"We'll patch this old place up soon!" said Homer.
"Uh this place looks like it suffered a lot of fire damage..." said Oscar pointing out several first floor rooms were burnt to a cinder with black, soot covered walls.
”Yeah um... Dad and I sorta started a fire...” said Homer.
”I’ll build us an outhouse.” said Bart.
”I’ll weed the floor.” said Lisa.
”No I’ll wee on the floor.” said Oscar.
”Oz no! That’s not what Lisa meant!” Bart groaned.
”I’ll be repressing some rage.” said Marge annoyed about something.
While the Simpsons got to work repairing the old farmhouse.
Homer was on the phone to Ned using the outside phone.
"Hey Flanders. Is there a southern gentleman outside my house still?" Homer asked.
"Why yes there certainly diddly doodily is!" Ned replied. "Don't care much for his attitude towards the Hibbert's but he's a god fearing Christian much the same!"
Homer groaned. "Well, I'm gonna miss you neighbor. Especially all those times I called you Stupid Flanders..." Homer gave Ned a heartfelt goodbye.
“To continue your call please insert 10 cents.” said a lady’s voice.
”Eh...” said Homer ending the call.
The Simpsons soon got the old farmhouse fixed and in a liveable state. They also got some new outfits which only Bart and Hugo seemed to like wearing.
Oscar laughed at them for wearing yokel dungarees. “Look! It’s dweeble dumb and dweeble Dee! Nyahahahaha!”
”Ugh....” Bart sighed.
Bart was helping Homer out with a tractor while wearing blue dungarees like a yokel. Hugo was dressed identically except his dungarees were shabby and second hand. Hugo wasn't helping much and was just chewing on a blade of overgrown grass like a hick.
However disaster struck as the tractor fell on Homer crushing him!
"Dad!" Bart cried.
"Ow! My spleen!" Homer whined.
Meanwhile Lisa found in a barn a large quivering ball of fleece. To her it was obviously a poor neglected sheep with overgrown wool.
”Oh you poor thing! No one has shaved you in years!” Lisa gasped. She sat down and shaved or sheered the sheep.
Some moments later she had plenty of wool at her feet. “There, now you’re a nice freshly shorn- Nyaaaaaaaaagh! Rat!” Lisa had been shaving a rat with an overgrown hair do. He squeaked and styled back his white eighties greaser locks and scuttled off.
Hugo laughed at Lisa being scare of a rat.
Later after somehow escaping seemingly unharmed, Homer pondered how they were going to make money.
"We could always grow crops." said Lisa.
"Where would we find any?" Homer asked.
”I dunno.” said Lisa.
Bart wearing dungarees is eating a slice of watermelon.
”Where did you get that melon?” Oscar asked.
”I dunno.” said Bart eating.
They asked their neighbors who happened to be Cletus and Brandine. For some reason. They get all over rural Springfield.
"Sorry, but I ain't allowed to grow anything on my land as per a little understanding with the government." said Cletus. "Are you kids sure you ain't mine?"
"No sir, we're not your kids." Bart explained. Despite it being a simple mistake to make given his yokel clothes.
"What's 2 plus 2?" Cletus asked.
"Four." said Bart. He didn't study, but he wasn't that stupid.
"Fair enough." said Cletus.
"But what about that plant there?" Lisa asked pointing to a lone potato plant growing in a brown field.
"Sssshhh! Not so loud!" said Cletus.
Suddenly shady government agents pulled up.
"Growing crops on our land will you?" said an agent. "We'll be taking back all our money then." They took away several bags of money.
"I is destitute..." Cletus sighed.
Lisa couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It was her fault after all.
”Nice going, loud mouth...” said Bart frowning.
Homer managed to find some seeds. However it wasn't known what they were as they were a mixture of different ones.
"Dad, one of them is a Jimmy from a pack of Jimmies and that is a piece of candy corn... And I don't think any of them will grow this season! You do realise certain crops will only grow at certain times of the year..." Lisa replied.
"Not a problem with a little plutonium..." said Homer as he had some green glowing plutonium.
"Dad! That's highly radioactive!" Lisa yelled.
”And besides Dad, nothing will grow in this soil. Its PH is 9.6. It should be 7.8 for OST crops. It’s too alkaline.” said Hugo.
Bart did yak yak yak gestures with his hand to show how boring he found Hugo.
However Homer used the deadly radioactive substance as fertiliser for the seeds. That night the field was glowing an ominous green glow...
"Okay you lot! Lights out!" Homer yelled at the plants from his bedroom window. They turned off their glows for the night and the field went dark.
The following Morning Homer awoke from a nightmare.
“Agh! I had a horrible dream that a glove kept slapping people and I couldn’t stop it and it was all my fault!” said Homer.
“There there Homie... it was just a bad dream.” said Marge.
“Thanks Marge. Let’s see how my crops are doing!”
They went outside to check the crops. They were amazed to find a healthy field of strong crops.
"But! This shouldn't be possible!" Lisa was flustered at the sight of many strong plants.
"Nothing's impossible with plutonium Lisa..." said Homer.
They then checked the crop to see what had grown.
"These look like tomaytoes!" said Bart. Examining some tomatoes.
"Tomato!" Oscar corrected his American pronunciation.
"Tomayto!" Bart retorted.
"Oh forget it, let's call the whole thing off!" Marge sighed trying to stop their bickering over how to pronounce tomato.
Bart tried one. However he spat it out because it was disgusting. "Ugh! This tomato (Tom-may-toe) tastes of cigarettes!"
"Oh my god! Look at its insides! They're brown!" Lisa gasped at the tomato Bart had bitten.
"This is tobacco! No wonder why it tastes like cigarettes!" Oscar looked at the funny tomato.
"How could that happen?!" Marge asked.
"Of course! Some of those seeds must have been tomato and tobacco seeds!" Lisa explained. "And that plutonium, as unlikely as it sounds must have fused them together as one new mutant crop!"
"Oh great! I have a field of mutants!" Homer groaned.
“Cooooool!” Hugo laughed rubbing his hands with glee.
“Shut up boy...” said Homer.
Bart picked another tomato and bit it.
"Bart, I thought you said it tasted disgusting!" Lisa asked why he was trying another one.
"It is." said Bart dropping the tomato and stamping on it. "But it's smooth and moist, and refreshingly addictive!" Bart greedily ate a mutant tomato.
"Addictive eh..." said Homer.
Homer had set up a stool that was labled Tomacco.
"Hmmm, Tomacco. That's a clever name for something that's highly addictive and evil!" Lisa ranted.
”Cooool! Eviiiilll!” said Oscar doing an evil voice when he said Eviiiiilll.
"Lisa no none wants to listen to another of your soapbox rants! Besides I've got customers..." Homer said as Chief Wiggum and Ralph appeared.
"Care for a Tomacco?” Homer asked them.
"Go on Ralphie, the stranger is offering you a treat!" said Wiggum.
"Hey! You know me! Our kids are in the same class together!" Homer ranted. "They used to be boyfriend and girlfriend!"
"No we weren't! Ralph just had a crush on me!" Lisa retorted.
”Eh... Okay... Lisa from school’s daddy is offering you a treat.” Wiggum sighed.
Wiggum and Ralph tried their tomaccos but spat them out in disgust.
"Ugh! This tastes like Grandma!" said Ralph.
"You're right! This does taste like grandma!" Chief Wiggum agreed with his son. How would they know what grandma tasted like?!
However they desperately wanted more so Chief Wiggum demanded Homer hand over the entire basket he was selling.
“How are you measuring out, how are you sell- Ah forget it, gimme those.” He paid Homer and took the basket of tomaccos.
They greedily ate the fruit.
"Would anyone want some pie?" Marge asked them.
"Does it have tomacco in it?" Chief Wiggum asked.
"No!" Marge replied offended.
"Moving on..." Chief Wiggum wasn't interested as he ate his tomaccos.
Lisa glared at Homer for selling something so addictive.
The Simpsons then decided to check the rest of their crop. They came to several very tall tulip like flowers except the flowers had teeth.
"Ugh, well I don't know what these flowers will be good for!" said Bart leaning on one. However the plant came to life and snatched him up in its flower which was the man eating plant's mouth and tried to eat him!
Bart cried out for help.
"Oh my goodness! Homer do something!" Marge yelled.
Homer yelled and wrestled with the flower until it spat Bart out in a glob of purple goop.
"Yeeeuuuch!" Bart groaned in disgust as the purple goop oozed and dribbled from his arms and stained his clothes.
"Bart are you alright?" Lisa asked him.
"That plant tried to kill me!" Bart realised.
"Hmmmm! Homer we can't have a field of man eating flowers! Get rid of them!" Marge nagged.
"Just a sec..." Homer said with his head in a flower's mouth...
The Simpsons were tending to the crops.
The tractor fell on Homer again.
”Ow! My spleen!” Homer cried.
”Dad!” Bart cried.
“Go get Lassie!” said Homer.
”Lassie?” Bart winced confused.
”I mean Lisa. Get Lisa.” said Homer.
And this isn’t the only silliness.
Sometime later the Simpsons got the tractor off of Homer.
Lenny visited. Delivering more plutonium for the plants.
“Plutonium? Gee, Homer, isn't that kind of risky?” Lenny asked. “If not the deadly radiation, Mr Burns will be furious if he finds out about your mutant farm.”
“If we learned one thing from "The Amazing Colossal Man" and "Grasshopperus," it's that radiation makes stuff grow real big, real fast.” said Homer.
“But didn't Grasshopperus kill Chad Everett?” asked Marge.
“Only because he tried to reason with him.” Homer replied.
Oscar laughed hysterically. “Grasshopperus...”
Bart groaned exasperated.
”Oh! Can’t forget what happened to Marie and Pierre Curie, Dad.” said Hugo.
”They slowly died of radiation poisoning?” Lisa asked.
”Yeah that’s what your text books want you to believe... no... they didn’t die of radiation poisoning Lisa. They grew into giants with gamma vision and rampaged all over Paris! ... And then Tokyo.” said Hugo.
Suddenly a limo pulled up. The people who got out were from the Lamarie cigarette company.
"You!! Haven't you had enough of wrecking my career as the Springfield beauty queen to be your spokesperson!?" Lisa ranted. With a signal from Homer Bart and Hugo dragged her off somewhere.
"Homer! Stop that! We're not giving these people the time of day! Stop silencing your daughter!"
"Marge these people could make us rich! Richer than kings!" Homer insisted on hearing out the Lamarie cigarette spokesman and spokeswoman.
"Mr Simpson we want to start selling into the children's market but those awful congressmen won't let us sell cigarettes to children!" said the woman.
"But if we sold them tomaccos..." said the man.
"We could get them addicted long before they can legally smoke!" said the woman.
"That's it! Get off of our farm you awful awful people!" Marge yelled.
They left. "Suit yourselves."
"Oh thanks Marge! We could have been rich!" Homer yelled.
"With tainted money and our children's health for sale?! Homer I can't even look at you right now!" Marge stormed off.
"Oh well, I'll just make my own money..." said Homer but then he saw something horrifying. The farm animals were eating his tomacco crop!
"Noooooo!" Homer screamed. He grabbed the last tomacco plant off of a cow and it frowned at him.
The Simpsons were in the kitchen where Homer had planted the last tomacco plant in a pot and was cradling it like a baby and talking to it.
"There, there. We had quite a scare there. But you're gonna grow up big and strong and make Daddy rich!" said Homer.
"Homer get rid of that awful thing!" Marge nagged.
"Never!" said Homer.
"Dad!" Bart yelled.
There was a rabid sheep at the window. Then a white bull smashed through the wall. "Tomacco!!!" It yelled as it had suddenly developed speech.
"The tomacco crop has made them addicted! Do you see the problem now Dad..." Lisa yelled.
"We must get outta here! To the Simpson mobile!" Homer directed them to the car and they drove off with Homer carrying the tomacco plant.
They drove all the way back to Evergreen Terrace.
"I wonder why we left in the first place?" Homer pondered.
The southern gentleman was still waiting outside! "I say, sir! I have been more than patient!" said the southern gentleman.
"Ah crap!" Homer yelled when he suddenly remembered.
Luckily Marge had a plan.
"How about instead of duelling you try some of my blackberry pie?" Marge offered the pie she was trying to sell.
"Mmmmm! Why ma'am that's a delicious looking pie!" said the southern gentleman.
"And maybe we can all have it with some of your finest fried chicken Colonel!" said Oscar.
The southerner eyed him. "Sonny, just because I'm a southern gentleman and I'm wearing white why does that make me Colonel Sanders?"
Bart face palmed. "Just ignore him sir, he's a real fruitloop..."
"Are we duelling or not?" Homer asked.
"Oh of course." said the southern gentleman. He shot Homer.
"Ow! My ass!" Homer cried.