Dial N for Nerder Homer is too exhausted during sex so Marge hires a nutritionist to put him on a diet. Meanwhile Bart and Lisa while mucking about with Sideshow Mel’s bone accidentally kill Martin! The Marge thinks Homer is cheating on his diet, or with her. Turns out he’s doing both. He’s having an affair with a kebab somehow...
One night Homer and Marge are about to snuggle after a heavy meal. But Homer can’t move and tries dragging himself to Marge from his side of the bed.
“Grrrrr! Nnnnngh! Must please Tyrannosaurus Sex!” Homer grunted. Tyrannosaurus Sex, the dinosaur god of sex roared.
“Oh! Get rid of that thing...” Marge sighed.
“(Homer exhausted) How about you come over here babe...” said Homer.
“Oooooh!” said Marge. She snogged him but he panted with exhaustion. “Oh my! Are you alright?”
“Let me get my breath back baby, but feel free to go nuts on me!” said Homer. His tongue lolling as he groaned exhausted.
The following evening Homer was wandering what was for dinner, no it wasn’t octorok Link...
CDI Link frowned.
However when Homer went inside he smelt vegetables. “That smells like, someone boiling some vegetables!” said Homer. He went into the kitchen to find Marge making a healthy vegetable dinner.
Homer was confused by this.
“Say hello to your new diet!” said Marge.
“But what about all my old diets I haven’t completed yet...” said Homer.
“Homer... last night’s snuggle time left me unfulfilled and concerned about your health!” said Marge. “So I hired nutritionist Betsy Bidwell to help you!”
“Homer, did you know I used to weigh 400 pounds?” asked Betsy.
“That’s why they used to call ya Betsy Bigwell...” Bart snarked.
“Bart!” Homer yelled. “I bet no man would touch you...” he spoke to Betsy.
“Well I’ll show you how I went from fat, to all that!” said Betsy. “It’s all about substitutes. Instead of French toast in the morning, why not a bell pepper? When you crave something sweet, why not a bell pepper? Want a beer? Why not a bell pepper?” She gave him a green bell pepper.
“Uh not to intrude, but why does this sound like the advice except the exact opposite, that Dr Nick suggested when I was purposely gaining weight...?” Homer asked.
“Just eat the pepper...” said Betsy.
Homer tried the pepper and liked it. “Wow! It’s tangy like a pepper but crunchy like a bell!”
Oscar came in. “Eeeeeeewww! Peppers! Gross!” He doesn’t like peppers.
“Eat the pepper.” said Homer stuffing a bell pepper in Oscar’s mouth. Oscar spat it out in disgust. “Bleh! Yeeeuck! I hate peppers!”
“Homer don’t force feed him things he doesn’t like...” Marge sighed.
At a sports game a vendor was selling hotdogs. “Hotdogs! Get your delicious hotdogs! Piping hot with ketchup and mustard!”
But there was also a bell pepper vendor... eh...
“Bell peppers! Cold, bland and of many colours but they just taste the same!” said a vendor.
“Three please!” said Homer. The vendor gave him a red one, a yellow one and a green one. Homer caught two in his hands and one in his mouth.
At work, instead of using the candy vending machines Homer used a new one with colourful bell peppers inside. He bought a green one and ate it.
Then at Moe’s, Moe made him a bell pepper cocktail of blended green bell pepper shook inside a bell pepper and served in a martini with a slice of bell pepper.
Homer tried it but wasn’t impressed. “Not quite...”
“Yeah yeah... now get out!” moe threw him out.
At dinner Homer was trying to force Oscar to eat peppers. Oscar who was wearing a tea towel napkin was refusing to open his mouth to eat the pepper pieces. “Mmmmmmnnnnmmmm!” Oscar shook his head.
“Eat your peppers you spoilt brat! Or you won’t leave the table!” Homer yelled.
“Homer!” Marge yelled.
“I get this all the time with broccoli..” said Bart wearing a napkin.
“Eat your broccoli!” Homer pointed a piece of broccoli on a fork at him.
“No.” said Bart.
After dinner Homer wouldn’t let Bart or Oscar leave the table until they ate their vegetables they didn’t like. Bart didn’t eat his broccoli and Oscar hadn’t eaten his peppers.
“You ain’t leaving this table until you finish your broccoli/peppers!” said Homer being a season one jerk.
“Daaaaad! Broccoli is a deadly poison in our universe!” said Bart as Broccoli in the Simpsons was extremely poisonous. It even tries to warn you with its terrible taste!
“Stop referencing Halloween episodes!” Homer yelled. “They’re not canon!”
Hugo waltzed in humming happily.
Homer groaned and head desked the dining room table.
“I’m not eating pepper! Bleh!” said Oscar.
“Why you ungrateful littles!” Homer strangled Bart and Oscar.
Some weeks later Homer was being weighed in the kitchen by Betsy Bidwell.
“You’ve gained seven pounds!” said Betsy.
“Well um... muscle weighs more than fat...” said Homer.
“Homer, you’re nothing but fat...” said Betsy using phrenology tweezers to grab his back flab.
“Homer! Have you been cheating on your diet?!” Marge yelled.
“I’m not even gonna dignify that with an answer!” Homer yelled. He stormed off stretching his back flab to impossible lengths. He was even able to go outside still stretching his back flab.
“Hmmmm... that explains why his back is like quicksand every time he has a massage...” said Marge.
Marge was in the master bedroom furiously tossing Homer’s clothes about trying to find something.
“What you doing? Going nuts?” said Bart.
“Looking for evidence! I know your father is cheating on his diet...” said Marge.
Homer came in smugly.
“I’m looking for something to... a bell pepper I don’t like...” said Homer holding a bell pepper. “Could it be this one?” He crunched on the bell pepper while staring at her. “Wrong again...!”
Meanwhile in Shelbyville.
Shelby’s Mom was going through his dad’s things.
“I jes know ya father’s cheating on his new lemon diet...” said Shelby’s mom.
“What you looking for dear? I’m looking for something too! A lemon I don’t like!” said Shelby’s dad.he was holding a lemon. “Could it be this one?” He bit a lemon making a sour face as he chewed it. “Wrong again...!” He tried to grin while making a sour face.
“Oz stop lemon posting...” Bart sighed.
Bart and Lisa were then inexplicably in the living room watching the TV.
“See that fat lady with the moustache? That’s you!” said Bart to Lisa.
“See that hippo rolling in dung? You’re the dung!” said Lisa.
“Okay! You each got one on each other!” Marge was annoyed they were insulting each other again.
“But Lisa’s was better...” said Bart.
Suddenly a TV programme called Sneakers was on. It was about spouses thinking their partners had cheated on them so an undercover film crew would spy on them to see if they were cheating...
“Hmmmmm.... I wonder if it would work on diet cheating...” Marge pondered. Then she decided to give the commercial a try. “Kids out of the house! I have to make an adult phone call!” She shooed the kids outside.
“Oooooooh! An adult phone call...” Oscar snickered. “Naughty Marge...!”
“Not that kind of adult phone call...!” Marge explained shooing him outside.
Bart, Lisa, Oscar and Hugo were riding their bikes in the Springfield national park. Except Oscar had training wheels on his bike still and Hugo walked.
“I didn’t know this was here!” said Bart.
“You wrote a report on it for class!” said Lisa.
“Correction! The internet wrote the report. I just put my name on it and handed it in...” said Bart.
Suddenly he saw an eagle trying to kill a squirrel. A big wet shiny black nosed squirrel.
“Cooooool! Animal on animal violence!” said Bart.
“It’s not cool! It’s disgusting!” said Lisa. She slapped the eagle and it spat out the squirrel. “Now you play nice!” Lisa can be rather stupid sometimes....
“Lisa... Haven’t you heard of the food chain? Animals eat other animals all the time! It’s natural!” said Oscar.
“No it’s not! I taught a lion to eat tofu!” said Lisa. The camera pans round to a very skinny and sick lion with mange coughing.
Oscar frowned at Lisa.
“What?!” Lisa yelled.
“Lisa for being the smartest girl in second grade, well until Alison joined... You can be really stupid sometimes...” said Oscar.
Lisa growled and rode off somewhere.
At home Marge was talking to the Sneakers crew about adult things... Homer cheating on his diet. The host felt this could be a new edge for his show. People cheating on diets and other things, not just their spouses...
Back in the park Bart and Lisa encountered Martin digging for something.
“Hey Martin, what ya doing?” Lisa asked.
“Digging for arrow heads!” said Martin.
“Dude! It’s Saturday! What kind of fre-“ Bart groaned.
“Oh can I join you!?” Lisa wanted to help Martin.
“Sure thing Lisa!” said Martin. “You brush, I’ll blow!”
“Yeah I agree, you blow...” said Bart.
“And blow I shall!” said Martin.
“A lot of people blow, but no one blows as much as you.” said Bart.
“Thanks Bart!” said Martin.
“Yeah you blow all right you blow so much!” Bart was thinking up a wise crack.
“Bart thank you for the encouragement but please! Be silent!” said Martin. “I need to focus.”
“If you’d look blow up in the dictionary it would say-“ said Bart
“Bart! He’s not gonna get it!” Lisa yelled.
“Whatever... smell you later losers...” said Bart.
He rode off until he heard a comical slide whistle blowing. He found Sideshow Mel sleeping during a break from painting. He had his slide whistle in his mouth snoring. That’s why it made sounds.
“Hmmmmm... methinks the bone’s the the thing to prank the dinks!” said Bart smirking deviously. He pulled out Mel’s hair bone. His hair fell down into a long luscious style of green manly long locks. He looked strangely handsome.
“Now I know why Barbara married him. Purrrrrrrrr!” said Oscar purring seductively.
“Oz don’t have gay thoughts about Sideshow Mel!” Bart groaned.
Sideshow Mel strangely slept through all of this...
Bart had buried the bone so Martin would find it.
“A bone! it could be a Neanderthal!’ said Martin digging it up.
“You’re a Neanderthal!” said Bart.
“We get it!” Lisa yelled.
“Or one of the major Homos at least.” said Martin.
“You’re one of the major Ho-“ Bart said rudely.
“Don’t even think about it!” Lisa yelled. That is really offensive Bart!”
Bart had attached a string to the bone and his bike. He rode off laughing. The bone flew up and hit Martin. He staggered back over the cliff and fell.
“Oh my god!” Lisa looked over the guard rail to find Martin on a small ledge badly injured. “Martin grab this stick! Come on!” She poked him but he tumbled and fell to his death!”
Bart and Lisa gasped in horror.
“Oh my god! We killed Martin!”
“You bastards!” Kyle from South Park yelled at them.
“Get outta here...” Bart pushed him off screen.
Bart ran off in horror.
“Bart., you can’t run away from this!” said Lisa.
“You’re right! I can bicycle away faster!” said Bart getting on his bike. “And I can ring the bell to drown out unhappy thoughts!” Bart rode away ringing his bike’s bell repeatedly.
Bart arrived home still ringing his bell with a guilty look on his face.
“Bart stop ringing that bell inside! It’s annoying!” yelled Marge.
“Okay mom.” said Bart having stopped ringing his bike’s bell.
He then sat down to watch TV. Happy Little Elves was on! It burns!! Bart was strangely relieved that it was on and sat watching the elves sing the happy happy song as it drowned out his negative thoughts.
Oscar was sat next to him wagging his fingers like a maestro to the music because he liked Happy Little Elves.
“Look! It’s the curious bear cub!” said Bubbles as the curious bear cub came in. The green bear cub cooed and grunted like a real bear cub and went up to the fourth wall and smooshed his big wet shiny green nose into the TV screen.
Oscar winced and wet his pants.
“Eeeeeeew! Mom! Oscar’s had another accident!” Bart yelled.
“Oooooooh!” Marge sighed.
Lisa eventually came in some time later.
“Bart this is serious! You can’t ignore this and watch TV all day!” said Lisa.
“I can and I will!” said Bart watching Happy Little Elves.
“Bart you’re watching Happy Little Elves... you hate that show!” said Lisa.
“I know...” said Bart.
Lisa made a frustrated growl and went upstairs.
Oscar was upstairs having his pull ups changed.
“Hmmmmm! If your gonna by accident prone all day then maybe you should wear your diapers...” said Marge.
“Well it is Saturday.... go ahead, diaper me.” said Oscar.
Homer was dressed up suspiciously and going somewhere.
“Homer where are you going?” Marge asked.
“Uh... Work?” Homer replied.
“It’s four o clock in the afternoon on a Saturday...” said Marge.
“I Uh... oh look! A three headed alien!” Homer yelled and ran away.
Marge hrrrrrrmmeed and rang up Sneakers. “The load is on the road...”
Homer was driving about. An ominous black truck followed him.
“Finally! With this episode I will finally win the respect of my father! The Reverend Billy Graham, junior.” said the Sneakers host.
“Ha! You thought he was going to say Reverend Lovejoy, weren’t you?” Oscar laughed in a panel.
At school was a memorial to Martin.
“Martin went by many names. Farting Prince, Martin the brown nosed reindeer.” said Skinner.
“I made that one up.” said Dolph to his friends, Jimbo and Kerne.
“The nerd formally known as Prince, Minnie Mouse... Uh both of these monikers were submitted by Oscar.” said Skinner.
“Oz we are not calling him that...” Bart sighed.
Oscar giggled. “Ah... Minnie Mouse!” He sighed from laughter.
“And now from our audiovisual club, a moving tribute to Martin.” said Skinner.
Ham, Database, Cosine, the black nerd who shouts prune juice and Oscar brought on a projector. To the song I will remember you by Sarah McLachlan played a moving tribute to Martin featuring clips of him from previous episodes.
First was from Lisa’s substitute where he is doing his speech for student body president.
Second was him dancing while playing a flute and wearing green medieval clothes on the school stage.
Thirdly was him hanging upside down from the bleachers by his shoes covered in tomatoes from Lisa’s bully/Bye Bye Nerdie.
Next was from Treehouse of Horror iII where at Bart and Lisa’s house he was dressed as the Greek Muse of poetry.
Then from Bart the Genius him pulling faces at Bart.
The next clip concerned Bart. It was from his sleepover in Three men and a Comicbook. The clip was Martin tied up in his pyjamas speaking.
“Oz! How the hell did that get on there?!” Bart yelled.
“The nerds at the audiovisual club asked me to submit some material so I submitted a few home videos...” said Oscar.
“You recorded our sleepover?!” Bart gasped.
Wendell hushed him.
The next clip was from later on in the sleepover. Martin was sleeping in a Krusty Sleeping bag when Oscar was sneaking about mischievously and hushing the camera as he put Martin’s hand in a dish of water while he slept and a wet patch appeared on his sleeping bag as he peed in his sleep.
Bart laughed obnoxiously. Offending everyone.
The next clip was Martin reading on a bench outside. Jimbo’s shadow was picking Martin’s nose.
“Jimbo stop that!” Mrs Krabappel told him off. Martin in the video was then picking his own nose.
“Eeeeew!” Lisa groaned.
Meanwhile Nelson decided for once instead of being a school bully he’d be Columbo. He took to trying to solve Martin’s death despite that it was assumed by Wiggum to be a tragic accident.
“Wait a minute. Martin is scared of heights! So why would he be near a cliff top? It just doesn’t add up!” said Nelson being Columbo.
“Hey he’s doing math! Get him!” Jimbo yelled. His gang try to beat up Martin but he is resilient ant just sitting there thinking.
“Also he’s not whaling on nerds! Get him twice!” said Kearney.
Meanwhile Homer was cheating on his diet after all. He was at an all you can eat restaurant. The Sneakers film crew recorded him in secret. Homer was in the restaurant taking a plate of buffet food and cooking the plate over a blue flame until the food melted into a soup. “Mmmmmm! Buffet soup...” he drank the Uh soup mixture.
The head of the film crew wanted to continue following Homer.
Meanwhile at school Willie threw away Martin’s things assuming he no longer needed them now he was dead. After Willie left the dumpster he threw Martin’s stuff into Bart sneaked up to the dumpster and climbed in to take Martin’s stuff but a rabid clownja bit him and pulled him in the dumpster.
At home Homer stealthy snuck in with a suitcase. Inside were nachos with cheese in one section and salsa in another. Homer had put cling film over the halves of the suitcase to keep the contents separate and not spilling everywhere until he got home.
He toke off the cling film. “Nachos meet Madame salsa.” said Homer grabbing handfuls of nachos and dunking them in the salsa and eating them.
Oscar came in. Homer screamed and hid his suitcase.
“What’s up?” Homer asked.
“Nothing much. Martin died. This time for real as it’s not a Halloween episode.” said Oscar.
“Nothing much here, I’m totally not holding a suitcase of nachos and salsa...” Homer feigned innocence.
“I couldn’t care less what you’re doing. But I might be persuaded to keep quiet if you’ll share them with me...” said Oscar.
“Fine... But just until Marge or the kids get in.” said Homer.
They greedily scoffed the nachos and cheese with salsa.
“So you’re cheating on your diet...” Oscar asked.
“Yeah but Marge will never find out. She still thinks I’ve inexplicably gained weight from just eating bell peppers...” said Homer.
“Uh, I hate to break it to you, but she already suspects you’re cheating... she’s hired a covert film crew to follow you around. They’re probably watching you right now...” said Oscar.
Homer screamed and shut the briefcase and panicked. “I didn’t do anything! Nobody saw me do anything! You hear me! I’m not a quitter!” Homer yelled at the ceiling.
At the school Lisa pulled a badly injured Bart from the dumpster as he fended off the rabid clownjas.
“I’m not even gonna ask...” Lisa sighed.
“I’m gonna give Oscar a piece of my mind later...” Bart was annoyed at Oscar’s obsession with breeding killer Klowns from outer space in the dumpsters.
Meanwhile at a motel Homer arrived with a woman with blonde hair and a pink coat and hat. But actually the woman was an entire lamb kebab he stole from the kebab store along with its skewer to cut strips of the kebab meat from. Basically the skewered Doner kebab used as a logo for kebab takeaways.
“Mmmmmmm! Lamb...“ said Homer moaning with pleasure. Sabre Dance started playing as Homer passionately made love to the meat while eating it... uh....
Homer even loved and ate the meat in the shower. Unaware the motel room had been bugged.
“I wouldn’t normally ask this but, turn the cameras off. Now.” said the Sneakers host.
In Apu’s Bart and Lisa met in secret wearing sunglasses and hats.
“Bar I can’t take this anymore! I’m gonna crack!” said Lisa. Suddenly Lou appeared. “Quick! Act like you usually do! Give me an Indian burn!”
“But...” said Bart.
“Don’t make me say Indian again!” Lisa yelled.
Bart gave her and Indian burn. She cried out in pain.
However Lou couldn’t care less and said hi to them and left.
Bart and Lisa relaxed but yelped when Columbo Nelson appeared out of nowhere to ask questions.
“I found this bone at the crime scene.” He had Sideshow Mel’s bone he keeps in his hair. “It has a string on it. Almost like someone was pulling a prank... you like pranks don’t you Bart...” said Columbo Nelson.
“I like Pranks? Of course., who doesn’t?! O thing wrong with pranks! Dr Hibbert likes pranks!” said Bart paranoid.
“I hate pranks!” said Dr Hibbert annoyed.
Later the kebab was lying on the bed half eaten and redressed as the lady while an answering machine message from Homer played. He pretended he was seeing another woman rather than admit he was cheating on his diet. There was a funny picture of Homer giving a seductive smile on the nightstand. Lol that picture!!
Bart was at home with some of his clownja related injuries cleaned up going through Martin’s stuff.
“Bart what are you doing with Martin’s things?” Lisa asked accusingly.
“Nothing...” said Bart.
“Bart!” Lisa whined.
“Nothing that’s your business...” said Bart.
“Grrrrrrr! You’re more annoying than Dad when he’s stuck in sex face!” Lisa yelled.
In a cutaway the Simpsons are having dinner. Homer is frozen in that seductive smile from his picture he left in a pink bedroom he left the kebab in.
“More potatoes dear?” Marge asked him. He sat there still smiling seductively.
“Your silence tells us all...” said Marge.
In the present.
“Uh....” said Bart. He wasn’t sure what to think of that cutaway.
Homer was at a buffer restaurant melting food again.
“Homer J Simpson!” Marge yelled from somewhere.
Homer screamed and hid under the table cloth.
“Oh no you don’t Mr Simpson. We’re from Sneakers. Not affiliated with the show Cheaters. And you have just been caught cheating on your diet!” said the Sneakers crew.
“Oh it’s true! I was so tempted! Please forgive me Marge! I beg you!” Homer cried.
“Homer I’m not mad. Just disappointed. I really thought you had stuck to your diet...” said Marge. “On the other hand... you now owe me twenty dollars....” said Marge. Some time earlier he betted at the start of his bell pepper diet he wouldn’t give up or cheat.
“Ohhhhh...” said Homer giving her twenty dollars.
“And cut! That’s a wrap people!” said the Sneakers host. The film crew left.
“Don’t worry Homer, I’d rather have a chubby hubby than a sexy ex,” said Marge.
“Hmmmmph! So that’s what you think of me! Well I will take this diet seriously then! .... Starting tomorrow after we enjoy this buffet dinner...” said Homer piling his plate with buffet food.
Lisa came to speak to Bart but his room was dark, so she assumed he was in bed sleeping.
“Bart I can’t take it anymore we have to come clean!” said Lisa but Bart was unusually quiet. Even in his weird psycho phases he’d yell at her not to turn on the bedroom lights or be badly reciting his weird plays about Aunt Helga. “Bart? Are you giving me the silent treatment?” Lisa switched on his bedroom light expecting him to be sat on his bed dressed in tin foil again or something yelling at her for turning on the lights. But his room was empty except for a note on his bed. She read the note and gasped.
“Going to Martin’s to end it all...” she assumed he was going to commit suicide over Martin’s death.
Lisa hurried to Martin’s to stop Bart killing himself.
He was inside Martin’s butterfly house tying a noose to hang himself with.
“Bart no! Don’t do- whatever you were doing?” Lisa ran in to find he wasn’t trying to hang himself after all. He was hanging up a lantern for the butterflies. “What are you doing here? I read your note and thought you gonna kill yourself!”
“What?! No! I’d never do that! I’m too well loved by this world!” said Bart boasting.
“But you said you were going to end it all!” said Lisa.
“By that, I meant Martin’s geeky science project.” said Bart. “The chrysalises are hatching.” The green cocoons on a plant were hatching.
“Bart do you even know what the word chrysalis means?” Lisa asked him.
“Well when I’m in one of my dark moods or I’m really determined I can be smart when I want to...” said Bart.
“No you don’t! That play you wrote when you broke your leg was awful!” said Lisa. “A chrysalis is a butterfly’s cocoon!”
“I was just about to say that little miss know it all...” Bart snarked.
“Why are you so fascinated in Martin’s project? You hate butterflies! You’re always trying to squish them!” said Lisa.
“No, Gino always tries to smoosh them. I want to be a butterfly when I reincarnate.” said Bart.
“Why?” Lisa asked.
“Because nobody suspects the butterfly... Mwuhahahaha!” said Bart rubbing his hands and laughing evilly.
“Are you daydreaming about burning down the school as a butterfly again...” Lisa groaned.
“Maybe... But now for the final phase of my plan! Behold my beautiful butterfly children!” said Bart.
The butterflies hatched out of their cocoons. But something wasn’t right. They had tiny little Bart heads and were laughing evilly.
“Oh brother...” Lisa groaned.
“Now fly my pretties! Fly!” said Bart as he released the Bart butterflies. “And yes I know that’s a Mandela effect. I still think the wicked witch said that. And so do a zillion references in other movies...”
“Eat our shorts!”
“Mwuhahahaha!” said the butterflies as they flew away in little squeaky voices.
Meanwhile Homer resumed his bell pepper diet. Oscar had taken him and Marge on an evening out that didn’t involve food. Well there would be a light dinner but that was besides the point. He had taken them to a bell tower full of large church belle.
Homer tried a green bell pepper taking a bite out of it. “Mmmmm! It’s tangy like a pepper but crunchy like a bell!”
Suddenly there was a crunching sound and Oscar yelping in pain after attempting to bite a bell “Yeeeeeeow! My tooth! Note to self, do not Try to bite any hard metal objects...”
The Bart butterflies flew about Springfield causing trouble. They stole comics from Comic Book Guy, harassed Sideshow Bob and his family as they escaped prison once again.
“By Lucifer’s beard!” Sideshow Bob yelled as the laughing Bart butterflies fluttered about annoying him. They teased him by going “Nyah nyah nyah nyeeeeh!”
Then they annoyed Gino. Not a good idea.
“Farfalla!” Gino cooed. “Farfalla vendetta!” He pulled out a huge knife and chased the Bart butterflies.
“Ay carumba!” the Bart butterflies screamed and flew away in fear.
“Don’t run off Gino!” said Francesca.
“I’m so proud of him...” Sideshow Bob sighed happily as Gino tried to stab the butterflies.
And then the butterflies went to Springfield Elementary School carrying a can of petroleum and a box of matches while laughing evilly.
At Martin’s greenhouse.
“By Sir Issac Newton’s apple! What is going on here?! Gasp! My butterflies! I’ve missed them hatching!” said Martin. Dun dun dun!
“Nyaaaaaaagh! Martin!” Bart and Lisa screamed.
“We thought you were dead!” said Lisa.
“Stories of my untimely demise are much exaggerated!” said Martin wearing a leaf skirt.
“Spill the beans Martin...” Bart wanted know how he survived.
“I’d rather not! These are some good beans!” Martin was eating a can of beans.
“That’s a figure of speech!” Bart yelled.
“Sssh! Not so loud! You’ll wake Mrs Skinner!” said Martin as he lives next door to the principal for some odd reason.
“I’m already awake...” said Agnes.
“Well here’s what happened after I stumbled to what you thought was my unfortunate demise...” said Martin. He told a flashback story. He tumbled onto a spruce which cushioned his fall. Then a cougar thought he was a young bachelor and-
“Oz no! Let him tell the story properly!” Bart yelled.
“Anyway...” Martin continued. The cougar grabbed his underwear and pulled him not realising he was snagged on the branch of a spruce and he was catapulted by his stretchy underwear far away.
“That explains why you’re naked except for the leaf skirt.” said Bart.
“I fashioned it myself from local plants!” said Martin doing a silly dance until Bart punched him hard in the stomach winding him.
“Anyway... (pained gasps) The forces of my slingshotted self propelling over the forest came to the harsh grip of Ms Gravity! And I fell into a n unfortunately placed pool of mud. Most undignified!” Martin in the story landed in a big ole slimy pool of mucky mud with a splat! Well at least it was a soft landing.
“And from there I made use of my survival skills I learned on that school trip to the forest with Groundskeeper Willie to survive until I got back home.” said Martin.
“Well that’s a nice story Martin but we better get going...” said Bart.
Suddenly Sideshow Mel appeared furious with his hair down looking ravishing.
“What have you ruffians done with my bone?! Now my darling Barbara is even more in love with me!” yelled Sideshow Mel as Barbara Krustofski/Van Horne was stroking his green locks passionately.
“Oooooh Mel! You don’t need that bone! Keep your hair down!” said Barbara in love...
“Eeeeeew!” Bart groaned.
“Barbara please! If I don’t get that bone back Krusty will be furious with me!” said Sideshow Mel.
Suddenly Oscar was fighting over a bone with his German Shepherd. “Skip let go of that! That’s not your bone!”
His dog squealed and thought he was playing tug of war.
Bart, Lisa, Martin and Sideshow Mel sighed.