Deck the Holidays Marge while tucking Oscar into bed one Christmas Eve night tells him about all the fun holidays of the year and childhood make believe.
Meanwhile Nelson vest Bart gives Nelson a second chance but has a problem. His weasels are back in town...
It is Christmas Eve night. Marge is tucking Oscar in. He is cuddling Teddy in his rather childish bed cot.
“Ugh. Well no more spinach for you young man!” Marge gagged as she put his diaper in the diaper bin. “Now get straight to sleep young man or Santa won’t give you any presents!”
“Bad kids get nothing?” Oscar asked chewing on his blue shiny pacifier.
“Well not exactly. Some cultures believe Santa gives Bad kids coal!”
Oscar imagined himself getting up to a stocking full of coal. He examined a piece of coal before drawing all over his bedroom walls with it. Oscar was wearing footed pyjamas with holly berries and leaves on them.
“Some cultures believe a monster called Krampus gets naughty kids and takes them away...” said Homer.
“Homer! Don’t traumatise him!” Marge scolded Homer.
In Oscar’s imagination spot Krampus appeared. Oscar was scared as he grabbed him.
“Of course sometimes he just spanks you with birch rods.” said Homer.
Krampus held Oscar under his arm and with his other he spanked him hard on the butt with birch rods. Oscar cried as his imagination spot ended.
Oscar looked worried and began to wet himself.
“Homer...” Marge frowned. “Oscar none of that will happen because you’ll be a good little boy and go to sleep right?”
“I’ll even read you a nice story...” said Marge.
Marge told him the story of a little boy like himself meeting Santa.
One Christmas Eve night a little boy was asleep in bed. Suddenly there was a faint ringing of Christmas bells. A formidable figure walked about his room with black boots, red trousers and a red coat with white ermine fur trims. Santa clause had judged this little boy to have been good all year and gave him lots of presents.
The black haired boy stirred in his sleep. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and caught sight of Santa.
“Santa?” the boy asked wearily. Dropping his green pacifier from his mouth.
“Shhhhh!” said Santa with a gentle whisper. “Good little boys and girls stay asleep all night..., isn’t that right Michael?” said Santa.
“Yes Santa.” Mike nodded. “But you woke me creaking the floorboards.”
A floorboard creaked under Santa’s foot. “Oh so I did. Sorry bout that but go to sleep now or no presents for you little boy!”
“Ooooh... nothing for Christmas. I can see that’s punishment. Having to go without presents...” said Mike trying to go to sleep.
“That’s not my only punishments...” said Santa. “Sometimes I give naughty children coal...” said Santa magicking up a stocking full of coal on Mike’s bed post. “And sometimes my friend Krampus will deal with naughty children.
Mike shivered at the name Krampus.
“I can show you my secrets at the North Pole.” said Santa.
“Wow! You’ll take me on your sleigh?” Mike asked sitting up.
“Certainly Michael...” said Santa beaming with rosey red cheeks.
“Cool!” Mike got out of bed crinkling loudly from his diaper and headed for Santa’s sleigh that was somehow parked in his bedroom.
“Whoa not so fast Michael. I have one rule.” said Santa.
“What’s that?” Micheal asked shivering from the winter night air. Even inside it was cold.
“Only kids who are toilet trained get to ride on my sleigh.”
Mike blushed as Santa could see his slightly messy diaper.
“Uh about that... can you change me? It’s starting to feel very cold and stinky...” said Mike.
“Tell you what Michael. I’ll take you to the North Pole so Ms Clause can change you. But you must promise to learn how to use the toilet properly.” said Santa.
“Okay Santa.” said Mike. “Just let me put some plastic pants on. Otherwise you’ll be feeling my wet diaper the whole trip!”
The diaper boy put on some plastic pants and hopped into Santa’s sleigh. Santa then got in and instructed his reindeers to fly off to the North Pole.
There was a break from the story as Bart was annoying Lisa by guessing the presents.
“I think it’s a... sweater.” said Bart.
“Bart!” Lisa yelled.
“Bart put the sweater back...” said Marge.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
“So where’s Oscar?” Bart asked.
“You should know by now Bart. He still believes in Santa so he’s gone to bed early.” said Lisa.
Back in Oscar’s story...
Mike was already shivering from the night air.
“You really should have worn warmer night clothes.” said Santa.
“C-c-can’t you magic something up? I’m fr-fr-freezing!” said Mike with icicles on his nose.
Santa sighed and magicked some warmer winter clothes on Mike. Mike felt warmer.
Eventually they arrived at Lap land in the North Pole. A big candy cane sign pointed to Santa’s grotto.
Mike looked around in awe. Then got out and was full of questions like if he would get back in time before the morning etc.
Santa took him past the reindeers pen and past some elves working to his house. Mrs Clause was there baking cookies and other things. She beamed a warm beaming smile and cuddled Mike.
“Michael is here to see my secrets and magic.” said Santa.
However one task was needed to be done first. Changing Mike’s diaper.
Mike laid on the changing table as Mrs Clause changed him.ie taking off his dirty diaper, wiping him and putting a fresh clean one on him.
Once he was changed Mike waited.
The story cuts back to Oscar who is having his diaper sniffed by his teddy bear. Teddy was sniffing him with his big shiny black nose.
“That’s it! Mike needs an obnoxious little bear cub to pester him!” said Oscar.
While Mike waited in the lounge a small white polar bear cub with a big pink shiny nose appeared. He smirked and tackled Mike to the soft floor and pinned him down and sniffed him. Mike gurgled. The cartoon bear cub from that sappy Christmas cartoon Oscar was watching earlier that day smooshed his big wet shiny pink nose into Mike’s face. Mike grimaced as it felt slimy. The bear cub grinned and smooshed their noses together rubbing their nose for a bit before releasing Mike and sniffing his diaper.
Mike blushed and squeezed the bear cub’s nose. It squeaked like a toy. He giggled and squeezed its nose again.
The bear cub rubbed his sore nose and grinned. After Mike got back on his feet he sniffed his diaper until he squeezed his nose again.
Luckily Ms Clause came in to take him away from the annoying bear cub for now.
“Awww... I liked the bear cub sniffing him!” Oscar whined.
Teddy rolled his eyes.
Santa showed Mike the toy factory. There were lots of elves building the toys. An elf helped show Mike around with Santa.
Mike was then taken through the factory shop floor to a storage room of toys. There was a large jack in a box. He turned the lever but a clownja popped out laughing and scared him. He stumbled backwards onto some spilt marbles and slipped about before being grabbed by a red monkey from a giant sized tub of monkeys. The monkeys in a chain gently lowered him onto the lap of a teddy bear. The shiny nosed teddy bear hugged Mike.
That Christmas morning the Simpsons had the song rocking around the Christmas tree playing. However Oscar improvised the lyrics by singing “and a nappy holiday!” While twerking his diapered butt.
“Oz! Stop improvising the lyrics!” Homer told him off.
“Homer! The kids are just having fun!” Marge scolded Homer. “At least he’s not making rude or disgusting lyrics...” said Marge.
Bart came in singing Stinko the zombie to the tune of Frosty the Snowman.
“Bart! Stop improvising!” Homer barked.
“Hey don’t have a Christmas cow man!” said Bart.
Homer growled trying to control his temper.
Oscar was lying on the floor letting Teddy sniff his diaper again.
“Oz... don’t let your teddy bear sniff you like that...” Bart sighed.
In the story Santa showed Mike the polar express that went to various magical themed worlds including a candy themed world called lollipop lane. They went there as Mrs Clause needed some more gingerbread.
Once they arrived Mike was in awe of the candy themed world there was candy everywhere even houses were made of gingerbread and chocolate etc.
Mike found a little living gingerbread man. He had a red ball.
“What’s that?” Mike asked.
“It’s a taffy fruit!” said the gingerbread man.
“What’s it do?” Mike asked.
“I’ll show ya!” said the gingerbread man grinning. He squeezed the red ball and green slimy goop shot out at where he was aiming. Mike’s feet and it splattered quickly gluing him to the spot.
Mike grunted as he quickly realised he was stuck in a puddle of green goo. He struggled and squirmed tugging at the goo.
“That’s taffy for you!” said the gingerbread man laughing.
Mike continued to struggle.
It was soon time for Mike to go home. He had to wait somewhere for Santa with that annoying bear cub as company how when he went to follow Santa the polar bear cub grabbed the back of his diaper in his mouth and pulled him back. Mike grunted and struggled against his stretchy diaper.
Eventually the bear cub released him and he went flying forwards and crashed into something.
The bear cub smirked.
Mike had got stuck in a gumdrop he struggled for a bit then gave up and waited for the bear cub to get him free.
Meanwhile Bart went round Nelson’s to give him a second chance, he went wearing his Nelson vest. However he was about to get a shock.
At Nelson’s were his black and yellow weasels, his minions from way back in Bart the General when Nelson once bullied him for breaking his nose trying to beat up the yellow weasel for refusing to give back Lisa’s cupcakes.
“What is he doing here Nelson? The weasels asked.
“What are they doing here Nelson?” Bart asked.
“Now guys let’s all get along...” said Nelson. “Bart. I’ve got back in contact with my weasels. You’re alright with that? Right?”
“I hope so.” said Bart. “It’s just the last I saw of them was not on good terms...”
“Boys. Bart and I have sorta become friends...” said Nelson.
“Your friends with that dweeb?!” asked Yellow Weasel.
“Hey, you two little squirts are more dweeb than I.” said Bart.
“And he tried to beat me up!” said yellow weasel.
“Only because you picked on my sister.” Bart retorted.
“Guys... this is exactly my point...” Nelson interrupted before an argument could break out. “It’s been too long since I saw you two. After Skinner expelled you for starting a small fire in science. Things uh changed. I got lonely...” Nelson looked down. “No one wants to be friends with the poor kid with a drunk mom who’s a hooker...“
Meanwhile Oscar was sleeping and dreaming more demented stories about a diaper wearing boy visiting Santa and Rufus from Santa’s apprentice and Whoopi Goldberg as an evil ice sorceress.
”Gahahahaha!” Whoopi Goldberg as an evil ice sorceress cackled.
Mike the diaper wearing kid and Rufus the pink shiny nosed polar bear cub could only rely upon Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, in this version a cartoon reindeer fawn with a red shiny cartoon nose and a tuft of blond hair. Unfortunately there were no nose honking of his big red shiny nose. But he could shoot lasers out of his nose.
”Oh cool, your nose shoots lasers...” said Teddy sarcastically. “Mine shoots streams of snot...”
”Eeeeeew...” Rudolph groaned.
”Mwuhahahaha! I will be in every conceivable movie or television programme!” Evil ice sorceress Whoopi Goldberg cackled.
”That’s not evil. We know your a very famous TV and Film Star, Whoopi Goldberg...” said Mike. “But why a cutesy Christmas cartoon from the nineties?”
”Because I don’t know! But this beats being in yet another Sister Act sequel!” said Whoopi as Stormella.
“Yeah but messing about with the weather and siccing a terrible blizzard on us, is evil...” said Rudolph.
“No what’s really evil is casting Richard Simmons in this cutesy Christmas cartoon.” said Dream Oscar in his own dream.
”Come on come on girls! Shake the butter of those buns! Shake shake shake! And one and two! Come on girls!” Richard Simmons was exercising.
Everyone screamed and fled.
When Bart got home with Nelson and his weasels Lisa was not happy.
“Bart! In case you don’t remember those boys stole my cupcakes for the teachers and ate them!” Lisa yelled.
“Didn’t stop you going out with Nelson did it Little egg sucker...” Bart remarked.
“Bart! Stop saying that!” Marge yelled.
“Mmmmmm! Egg sucker...“ moaned Oscar.
“Well unfortunately I’m Uh... making another batch of cupcakes for the teachers...” said Lisa.
“Oh boy oh boy!” The weasels ran into the kitchen. There were cupcakes in the oven cooking.
“Keep your greasy hands off! They’re not for you! They’re for the teachers!” said Lisa.
“All they want is one each Lis.” said Bart.
“But I didn’t make enough for all the teachers I like and those two bullies!” said Lisa.
“Then we’ll split them four ways between ourselves, Nelson and Bart then!” said the black weasel.
“Moooom!” Lisa whined.
“Okay! Okay! Pipe down!” Bart hushed her. “Nelson Lisa’s your ex. Tell your weasels she’s off limits!”
Nelson sighed and whispered to his weasels to leave Lisa alone.
“I can’t guarantee another bully won’t take her cupcakes though! I’m not the boss of every bully in the school...” said Nelson...
“That means Jimbo’s gang might still steal them, or Francine or those girls with their own bathroom for smoking...” said Bart.
“Look if you boys really want a cupcake I gave a spare one to Oscar. He probably ate by now though.” said Lisa.
But the bullies found that Oscar hadn’t eaten the cupcake, he was holding a pretend funeral for Bart with a Bart dummy he made lying in a coffin with a cupcake resting on its head.
“Uh...” Bart asked.
“Dearly beloved we are gathered to celebrate the short life of Bart J Simpson and- Good Lord! He’s risen from the dead!”
“Oscar what are you doing with Lisa’s dolls and plushies...?” Bart asked. The toys were funeral goers.
“Uh...” Oscar asked. “They’re not all Lisa’s toys! I invited your boyfriend Mr Honey bunny!” said Oscar pointing to a rabbit doll with its head taped back on.
“He’s not my boyfriend now gimme!” Bart took Mr Honey Bunny. And blushed as the bullies snickered. “Uh... it’s a childhood toy...”
“And where the heck did you get that photo of my dad?!” Om a projector was a still image from Bart’s nightmare about his own funeral from being beaten up by Nelson where Homer cried. If you freeze just right Homer looks like some grotesque horror from the early shoddy art style.
“I just have a very good camera. Freeze frames let you get all sorts of funny pictures.
“Dad just looks weird there...” said Bart.
“Anyway you’re ruining your own funeral! Sit down and be quiet. The dead don’t talk and walk about.” said Oscar. “First up is Nelson with a few words...
“Wow! There’s free food at this thing! Well here’s one for the road dork!” said Nelson eating the cupcake. He then punched the Bart dummy really hard in the stomach.
Bart felt very uncomfortable. “Nelson can you not attack effigies of me! That still feels like your hurting me!”
“But they’re great for letting off some pent up steam! Like that time everyone in town attacked that Homer effigy Sideshow Bob set up...” said Nelson.
Meanwhile in sappy Christmas cartoon movies. Mike and Vincent from Nightmares adventures flash games built Frosty the snowman and danced with him.
Then a cartoon yeti with a big round shiny wet blue nose was babysitting them and called them in from the cold.
The yeti sniffed their diapers to see if they needed changing. They didn’t. But he probably made them pee though by sniffing them.
Things got more crazy...
“But why can’t we whale on Bart after school like the good old days?” Yellow weasel asked after school.
“Because he’s one of us now!” said Nelson.
“Yeah that means I’m off limits!” said Bart drinking a soda.
“But it’s fun putting him in a bin and rolling him down a hill!” said Yellow Weasel giggling.
Bart rolled his eyes.
“Guys if you don’t leave Bart alone I’ll have to reconsider your membership...” said Nelson. “Before I took them in everyone used to pick on them!” Nelson whispered to Bart.
On weekends Bart did everything Nelson and the weasels used to do together with them. They were walking home drinking squishees.
“I’ve got blue!” said Black weasel.
“I got purple berry!” said yellow weasel.
“Will you two cram it!” Nelson yelled. They were quiet.
“Is that why you two are so crabby? Because Nelson tells you both off all the time! Because I can always...” said Bart.
“No it’s because you’re ruining the status quo of our gang! We do not need another member!” said yellow weasel.
“Bart’s staying and that’s it!” Nelson yelled. The weasels were silent.
“I don’t see how we can’t be a foursome. Jimbo’s gang used to hang out with Nelson for a while... then that girl that keeps calling Nelson names joined them.
“If she calls me goober lips one more time...” Nelson growled.
Suddenly though they were ambushed by an army of kids wearing green army helmets carrying water balloons led by Ralph.
“Uh...” Bart asked.
“I whaled on him for a week.” said Nelson.
“Hey Bart!” said Herman.
“Herman we don’t want any trouble just call off the rehash of my water balloon army from Bart the General!” Bart called up to him.
“Okay...” Herman sighed. The school kids in helmets all retreated.
At home Oscar was watching on loop an animation of Spongebob eating his regenerating arms by the bucketful.
Bart rolled his eyes. “That gives me an idea.”
Bart spoke to Nelson and the weasels. “It’s simple. We whale on anyone about to eat a butterfinger bar for lunch then you give them all to me!”
“Why do you get all of them?” yellow weasel asked.
“Because no one lays a finger on my butterfinger!” said Bart quoting his silly tag line from the butterfinger commercial.
Nelson and the weasels rolled their eyes at his silly obsession with butterfingers.
Then at the Simpsons Oscar was watching Deck the halls starring Ferris Bueller, yes Ferris Bueller but this time as a feuding neighbour boasting he can decorate his house better than Danny DeVito as yet another sleazy conniving used car salesman. Or a piss worm as Trunchball describes him.
Then Oscar watched The Cable Guy, starring Ferris Bueller as a lonely man with an estranged wife/girlfriend in the down point of their relationship giving each other space but still technically being together so no hanky panky with new partners. Suddenly he befriends an evil Jim Carey who for some reason plays a villain straight in this movie instead of chewing the scenery large ham. Evil Jim Carey was an evil cable installation guy installing illegal cable.
“Mmmmmmmmm just like me....” said Homer remembering the time he installed illegal cable.
Then Oscar was overjoyed and surprised to find Ferris Bueller was Adult Simba in the Lion King.
“Simba. Rafiki never told you what happened to your father...” said Mufasa’s ghost.
“He told me enough! He told me you killed him!” said Adult Simba.
“No. I am your father.” said Mufasa’s ghost.
And Ferris cough Mather Broderick found out he was Nanny Nora McPhee’s father. Somehow. Her actual name is Nora. Nanny is a job title!
Then Oscar watched Inspector Gadget, the live action movie. Because Ferris was Inspector Gadget...
Oscar was disappointed Rupert Everett didn’t do the Dr Claw voice. And that Cree Summers was not in it...
“I’ll get you Gadget! Next time Gadget! Next time!” said Oscar doing a great impression of Dr Claw’s monster voice in burps.
Then that afternoon they were hanging over at Bart’s again because Homer had news that everyone had to listen to.
“I am taking up a role as King Richard III in the Springfield drama School’s production of Richard III.” said Homer as they all sat at the kitchen table.
“Daaaad... you’re not exactly a thespian actor... remember you’re short career as Poochy?” Bart asked.
“I thought I was great!” Homer whined. He said something in as Poochy.
“No you were awful. They killed your character off because the ratings were so low...” said Bart.
“Shaddup...” Homer muttered.
“And dad you’re not exactly good at being evil! Remember when you tried to be Lord Evilton during last night’s bed time story? You were just funny! Hehehehe!” said Lisa giggling.
Homer groaned. “She’s right! I’m not very good at being evil!”
“You’re great at being a mean jerk though. Well you were in season one.” said Oscar.
“I keep telling you when I get like that it’s because I don’t want you all embarrassing me in front of Mr Burns!” said Homer. “Or there was that time Bart got a bad parents evening and I tried being strict because I didn’t want Bart growing up to be a delinquent with no future!”
“Mrs krabappel didn’t say he would have no future. She said he’d end up as a male stripper...” said Marge.
“Anyway I think your father has a very wide set of acting skills. If he’s in the mood...” said Marge.
“Like when you used to have that carnival food machine and Homer woke the whole hose up at midnight laughing maniacally.” said Oscar.
Homer did his maniacal laughter. “You’re right! I can play a villain! In fact this reminds me! I did once play an evil landlord in a play called Rent II: Back to the Condo! It was on Broadway!” said Homer.
There was a cut to a theatre with a sign saying Rent II: Back to the Condo.
Two actresses were talking.
“Oh no! That sounds like the landlord Mr Stingy!” said one of the actresses.
Homer bursted in as a classic “Tie a maiden to train tracks” villain. “Mwuhahahaha!” He started singing. “Where is the rent? I must have the rent! Dollars, quarters, dimes! I must have it nooooowww...”
Back in the kitchen.
“I quite literally chewed the scenery...” said Homer eating a board painted to look like brick work.
Everyone sighed and rolled their eyes.
At school one recess Nelson’s gang got into a fight with Jimbo’s gang and er Nina... (That’s the Little girl that keeps calling Nelson names like goober lips. And she once tried shoplift socks from Wee monsieurs... XD)
“So you think you and you’re gang of dweebs can rule the school..” Jimbo asked Nelson in a taunting manner.
“Hey I was the only school bully once James...” Nelson replied.
“Booger breath!” said Nina.
“Get her out of here...” Nelson groaned.
“Yeah hit the road Puke a Lina!” said Bart.
“Okay Fart!” said Nina.
Jimbo’s gang bursted our laughing.
“Fart! How did we miss that!” Dolph was in hysterics.
“How did my parents not see that? They were going to call me Louie but Dad said everyone would call me Screwy Louie...” said Bart.
Everyone was still laughing and calling Bart Fart.
“Eeeeew! Boys are gross! I’m going off to Wee Monsieur's to shoplift some more socks...” said Nina before leaving.
“Try and steal something else other than socks...” said Dolph.
Bart eats a butterfinger while sitting in a tree teasing other kids with another butterfinger bar.
“Don’t you have a slingshot?” Nelson asked Oscar.
“Yes...” said Oscar.
Nelson grabbed Oscar’s slingshot and shot a pebble at Bart knocking him down from the tree.
“Ow!” Bart groaned.
“That was Oscar!” said Nelson lying.
At home Bart said Smell ya later to Nelson and his weasels and went upstairs.
He was putting his Nelson vest away when he hugged it lovingly.
“Haw haw! I touched your heart!” said Nelson before heading off home.
Bart didn’t care and continued to hug the vest.