Damn it! Peter! Peter Griffin annoys Bart and Lisa by harassing their spiritual guide/priest Richard Gere/Liam Neeson respectively, they then learn his motive which annoys them more. Meanwhile the PTA has second thoughts about one of its members after a guy constantly panics and jumps out windows. And Oscar gets some questions answered. And Homer reads in church three stories of Christmas...
Bart stared at the apartment door where Oscar supposedly resided, worried by what he might find in there. He hadn’t seen his odd and sometimes obnoxious friend since they got back from Italy after that eventful trip being chased across Rome, Tuscany, Turin and Florence by Sideshow Bob and his new wife and son who turned out to be as insane as him...
Bart decided to get it over with and rang the doorbell. Immediately he heard stuff clanging about and Oscar swearing because he stubbed his toe. The door was opened by its occupant.
“What’s up doc?” Oscar greeted Bart in his usual silly way, quoting cartoons and things. To Bart’s embarrassment Oscar wasn’t even dressed! He was just in his tighty white briefs and had questionable stains all over him. He also stank.
“Oscar... Why are you not dressed...” Bart sighed.
“Why should I? It’s Saturday.” said Oscar.
Bart face palmed. Well it is the weekend...
“I can see you’re all dressed up...” said Oscar noticing Bart was dressed in his dorky church clothes and his spikes combed down into his dorky hair style.
“Yes because I have church. I’m running late...” said Bart.
“Why are you here then...” Oscar asked.
“You Skyped last night that you were planning to head back to Italy... Are you nuts?! And get me and Father Neeson tickets so we can get blessed by the pope! Please...!” said Bart.
“I don’t know... Aren’t you worried Bob might get you...” Oscar replied.
“Italy is a big place and we only need to go to the Vatican. Bob’s not likely to be there. At least I hope not...” said Bart.
Marge could be heard calling him.
“I better dash! Even though I’m in a different faith Mom still wants me to be pious every weekend... and dinner and bedtime...” said Bart before leaving Oscar.
“Smell ya later...” Oscar replied as he left.
Bart was dropped off at Catholic Church one snowy December morning and went inside. He felt pretty peeved because it was a Christmas story this episode and the others who were at Lovejoy’s church were having fun with another anthology of stories. This time Christmas themed ones and he was missing out because of his loyalty to his new faith.
He went to confessions.
“Hey Father Neeson.” said Bart.
“Hey Bart.” said Father Liam Neeson.
“Oscar says he can get us to Italy to see the pope. But... there’s this guy, Sideshow Bob...” said Bart.
“The guy always trying to kill you?” Liam Neeson asked.
“Yeah. He lives in Italy now... So it could be rather dangerous if he finds us...” said Bart.
“Danger is my middle name! Well not really. I’m a Jedi master, I once personally trained Batman, single handily killed some terrorists who kidnapped my daughter and ate wolves in the wilderness once.” said Father Neeson.
Bart rolled his eyes at the fourth wall.
“But it’s not time for chatter. It’s confession time. Get in the booth.” said Neeson.
Meanwhile at Lovejoy’s church.
It was Christmas mass. Marge was sad because it would be her first without Bart or Lisa. They were at their other respective places of worship.
We cut to Quohog, Rhode Island church.
“Well how disrespectful! I certainly wouldn’t be happy if Meg suddenly turned Muslim or whatever! I’d disown her!” said Peter giving his opinion. Not that anyone asked...
“Peter you were briefly Muslim because you wanted to wear a tiny Aladdin fez and scream Admiral Ackbar at things...” said Lois. “And you’d kick Meg out over anything if I’d let you...”
“Shaddup... The Simpsons have gone screwy ever since Lisa became a vegetarian. I don’t let my kids have weird phases...” Peter retorted.
You don’t let you kids do much Peter...
“I think I might teach those arrogant Simpson kids Bart and Lisa a lesson...” said Peter.
Back at Lovejoy’s church, Springfield.
Something was wrong...
“Where’s Reverend Lovejoy? It’s it like him to be late!” said Marge.
Ned’s funny ring tone rang. It was probably some religious song... “hello Reverend?”
“Ned there’s been a terrible, terrible, catastrophic train crash...” said Reverend Lovejoy. The camera pans out to show he is in his model train room and on the table one of his model trains is on fire and in a wreck.
“You want me to do the sermon?! Hotdog! This is like the second coming of Jesus for me!” said Ned happy and joyful. He ripped off his green sweater to reveal he was already wearing a black vicar shirt and collar. He got up on stage and read from the bible. But he got a paper cut. “Ow! Son of a diddly!” He fainted from bleeding.
“He fainted! Who will do the sermon now?” Barney asked.
Um everyone go home?
“Sorry narrator but my wife wouldn’t like that.” said Homer. “Homer J Simpson to the rescue!” Homer took the lectern. “Christmas, Christmas... You know how the paper boy always gives you a Christmas card with his name and address on it? What’s the deal with that?!” said Homer.
“I want you to tip me!” said Squeaky Voiced Teen.
“Never! Not until you bring back Hagar the Horrible!” Homer demanded. XD Hagar the horrible...
“I’m not responsible for that...” said Squeaky Voiced Teen. The comics were beyond his control.
“Anyway... this is the story that some might say is the story of the first Christmas...” said Homer.
Everyone was eager to hear his story.
The Birth of Jesus aka the nativity or the first Christmas.
Somewhere in Bethlehem Homer as Joseph had some shocking news from Mary, who was played by Marge.
“Joseph, I am the virgin lady yet I am with child!” said Mary visibly pregnant with a big belly.
“Aaaaagh! You Judaean hussy! (Sobs) how could you!!” Joseph cried. “Was he better than me?”
“No Joseph it’s not like that! I was gifted a child by our Lord!” said Mary.
“Why that holy-! Impregnate my wife will ya!” Joseph shook his hand up at the ceiling.
Then Lisa as an angel appeared.
“Hail Mary! Full of grace!” said the Lisa angel.
“That’s not all she’s full of!” said Joseph.
“Quiet you.” Lisa quieted him.
“Mary you carry in your womb the son of God who will grow up to be king of the Jews!” said angel Lisa. “No you didn’t have intercourse with God... it’s symbolic...”
“So he won’t be a doctor...” Mary sighed.
“Well, he will be able to heal the sick...” Lisa the angel explained.
“But nothing to hang up on the walls...” asked Marge as Mary.
Lisa made a frustrated groan and muttered before flying off annoyed.
In the court of King Herod.
Mr Burns is King Herod. I’m not surprised...
Dr Hibbert, Skinner and Frink were the three wise men. Oh I get it... the three wise men...
“We bring Gold!”
“And Myrrh! Which I’m regifting because who needs Myrrh!” said the Three Wise men in turn.
“Oh! Goody! Which shall I open first?” said Mr Burns as King Herod.
“Uh this is awkward.... The king of the Jews we seek is not you your highness but a new born baby.” said Skinner.
“Who is this pretender?! Find him and bring him to me...” said Herod.
“Uh... You’re not going to hurt the little baby are you?” Frink as a wise man asked.
“Oh don’t be silly! Kings don’t hurt babies! Big pointy swords do!” Herod pulled out his sword.
“Glavin!” Frink gulped.
Mary and Joseph were at an inn.
“Here’s the keys to your room.” said Moe.
“I think my waters breaking!” Mary gasped.
“Right that’s it! You’re staying in the barn!” Moe took their room key back and made them stay in the barn. “Breakfast will be served in the morning. Except you don’t get breakfast...”
In the barn Mary was breathing heavily as she was imminent at going into labour... Joseph was helping her to breath and start her contractions.
“Where’s the doctor?” Mary asked.
“Shalom everybody!” said Doctor Nick.
“Shalom Dr Nick!” said the animals.
“Good news! I’ve just got back from Caesar who has just invented the caesarean!” said Dr Nick.
Marge groaned as a studio audience also groaned.
“Why didn’t we get the sensible doctor? Dr Hibbert?” Mary asked.
“Because he’s playing one of the three wise men...” said Homer.
Eventually Mary gave birth to a baby boy. Played Bart. Yes Bart is the baby Jesus...
“I thought I’d like him, but didn’t know I’d adore him!” said Carl as a shepherd. Yeah they fast forwarded till everyone arrived to see the baby Jesus.
Lenny played gotcha nose with the baby Bart Jesus. Bart as Jesus winced as he pinched his nose. cute!!
“Give it him back! He’ll kill us all!” Carl panicked and demanded Lenny give Bart back his nose.
“He looks just like his father.” said Skinner.
Homer as Joseph looked proud.
“Not you! You’re not his father!” said Skinner.
“Awwwww! I’m not the father... My wife cheated on me with a deity... Oh! Some booze my lighten my woes!” said Joseph. He saw a drinking bladder and took it and drank the wine from it.
Bart as Baby Jesus crosses his arms and nodded. There was a cartoony doink sound effect. Hehehehe! Cute!
Joseph’s wine turned into water. Joseph spat it out. “Wine into water?! Who would perform such a horrible miracle!”
Baby Bart/Jesus giggled.
“Why you little!” Joseph was about to harm Baby Jesus! Bad Joseph! God was seriously pissed off! There was lightning!
“No Joseph! Jesus has to live!” said Lisa angel. “Until at the age of thirty three one of his friends betrays him and he gets crucified...”
“Eh?” Baby Jesus asked.
“Sorry kid.” said the Lisa angel before vanishing again.
Baby Jesus was crying! Awwwwww!
Mary was trying to nurse him.
“Mmmmmmmm! Any time someone suffers in the world he just starts crying again...” said Mary.
Lisa at her Buddhist temple grumbled. “I don’t think Bart should be the baby Jesus of all people!”
Well he is so there!
“Joseph see to him...” Mary asked.
“But I’m watching the orange bowl...” said Joseph. There was a bowl or oranges. Mary annoyed gave him Baby Jesus.
Baby Jesus was still crying so Joseph gave him a pacifier. Bart as Baby Jesus spat out the pacifier and it ricocheted off Joseph’s forehead. “Ow!” Joseph whined.
Baby Bart as Jesus giggled.
Joseph put him in his manger. A goat butted Joseph. Joseph made a D’oh! groan.
Baby Bart giggled.
“So you like physical comedy eh...” said Joseph. He went up to Skinner and they took part in Three Stooges antics. Joseph poked Skinner in the eyes so Skinner went “Why you...” and posed Joseph as if he was in deep thought and punched him.
Baby Bart giggled hysterically until he fell asleep.
The guests and a Mary and Joseph admired the sleeping baby Bart Jesus.
However all was not content!
Frink warned Herod was arriving with his men. Moe had sold them out.
“There they are! The other residents have been complaining of excessive crying all day and night!” said Moe.
However by the time the soldiers stopped chatting and actually stormed the barn it was empty. Everyone had escaped.
“There he is! You can see the glow from his head thingy!” said Moe. Um his halo...
However they found baby Jesus had put his halo on a duck. Or turned into a duck...
“He turned into a duck!” said Moe.
“No you fool! This is basic trickery!” said Mr Burns as Herod.
“All hail Quackers! Our feathered Lord!” said a soldier bowing to the holy duck! Hehehe!
King Herod face palmed.
Duck Jesus quacked.
The real baby Jesus rolled his eyes.
Suddenly a fir tree rolled down the hill at them.
Joseph had cut one down. “That oughta spruce things up!” He made a bad pun. The audience booed and jeered. Baby Jesus rolled his eyes.
They then saw a wonderful sight. The fir tree was stood up with soldiers stuck in it and torches with the holy duck perched on top!
“What a beautiful Hanukkah bush!” said Joseph.
“Let’s call it a Christmas tree...” said a Mary.
The Wiggum guard commented how warm and fuzzy he felt before dying.
“And that little baby Jesus grew up to be... Jesus. The end!” said Homer.
The church goers cheered.
It was now the Christmas holidays. Bart and Lisa were at home in their pyjamas watching Christmas specials.
“And now back to the Duracell Bunny Christmas special!”
The pink Duracell bunny was exhausted. A battery explained that’s because he wasn’t using new Duracell long life batteries. Then he went up the bunny’s butt. Errrr... I think he likes that... Eeeeeew!
Suddenly someone was trying to come down the chimney... Omg! Santa!
“Santa!!” Bart and Lisa cried with joy as they ran to the fireplace. But Grampa fell down with a bear trap.
“Grampa what are you doing in the chimney...?” Lisa asked.
“Trying to kill Santa!” said Grampa.
“Why?! What do you have against Santa?!” Bart asked.
“It all started in World War Two....” said Grampa sitting down.
“Oh thanks Bart! Why did you ask him a follow up question?!” Lisa sighed.
“I’m sorry! It sort of slipped out...” said Bart.
“I was flying with my big brother Cyrus...” said Grampa.
“You never mentioned Great uncle Cyrus before!” Lisa asked.
“And I never will again...“ said Grampa.
I Saw Grampa Cussing Santa Under the Christmas Tree
It was during World War 2. Abe and his brother Cyrus were getting reddy to fly off as Cyrus put it. “So they could eventually go home in peace and eventually give black people more rights.
Lisa growled offended.
Then the Japanese Kamikazes attacked!
Then there were stupid inconsistencies with the Flying Hellfish episode.
“Wait I thought Old man Burns was a private and had red hair... why is he bald in this story...” said Bart.
“Uh....” Grampa couldn’t answer.
Then Lisa wasn’t very happy to hear great uncle Cyrus stole off dead soldiers. Then when he got shot down she was angry when young Grampa yelled, take that you haiku spouting savages!
“Right that’s it! I can’t take such bigotry! I’m going to bed like a good girl for Santa!” said Lisa. Um I think it was Christmas Eve because all their stockings were up, including Hugo’s. And the tree and a plate of Oreos and milk for Santa.
“I heard Mr Burns at Dad’s work call them sandal wearing goldfish keepers.” said Bart. “And something about them eating people alive...” Bart over head one of Mr Burns’s daydreams of his childhood at the atom smashing factory with his father Mr Burns sr.
“D’oh! I lost my place! Where was I?” Grampa asked.
You got shot down and landed in the ocean...” said Bart. At least the craziness hasn’t set in yet... like that time he said he once smothered himself in butter so a buck toothed Egyptian mummy would eat him so he could burst out of its stomach Alien style....
“Oh yeah...” said Grampa...
Abe and Mr Burns woke up on a tropical island. Burns wouldn’t follow orders so Abe drowned him until he would submit.
Then time passed until one Christmas Eve night.
Mr Burns gave Abe a present. Isn’t that sweet...
“A shaving kit! Is that pomme?” Abe asked. It was a shaving kit made from resources they could find on the island. There was a clamshell with stuff in it that Abe thought was pomme.
“Oh it’s just a mixture of seagull brains and snail goo...” said Burns.
Suddenly something flew up ahead.
“What is that?!” Abe asked.
“Who cares! I want to shoot something!” Burns used a machine gun to shoot down the flying vehicle.
Grampa was dismayed to find they had shot down Santa!
“Blitzed! Rudolf! Come back!” said Santa.
“He’s German! Kill him!” Burns pointed a gun at him.
“No you ninny! He’s not a kraut! You just shot down Sandy claws!” said Abe. He immediately went up to help Santa.
“Oh here comes the made up stuff... I accidentally shot down Santa... A buck toothed Mummy tried to eat me...” Bart sighed.
“Quiet you!” Grampa told Bart off.
“Thank you boys! You shall both be on my good list this year!” said Santa. “My sleigh! It’s ruined!”
“Don’t worry Sandy we’ll get you a new sleigh or my name isn’t Abraham Simpson!”
There was a musical montage and they built Santa a new sleigh.
However as Santa was about to leave, minus Rudolph who got swallowed by a python... Mr Burns knocked him out and took his sleigh.
“Monty you scoundrel! What are you doing?!” Abe was cross with him.
“Sorry Abe. But I was just a very wicked child! I’m getting off of this god forsaken island and I’m taking all the presents!” Mr Burns gloated before flying away.
“That cowardly old skeleton!” Abe ranted as Mr Burns escaped.
He saw a reindeer trying to resuscitate Santa.
Grampa got on the reindeer and flew it after Mr Burns.
“Oh sweet Lizzie McGuire! No Grampa!” Bart whined burying his head in his arms with embarrassment at Grampa’s silly stories.
“Abe caught up with Mr Burns and jumped in the sleigh and the started beating each other up with the toys. The toys squeaked or bells on them rang as Abe hit Mr Burns with a teddy bear, a Clownja and a tricycle.
“Someone should have beat you with a tricycle years ago!” said Abe hitting him with a tricycle.
Abe got the sleigh back and tied Mr Burns up.
“Thank you Abe. I will be back soon to take you ho ho home!”
And then he forgot and the war was over and the nurses all kissed out... If I hadn’t made a jet ski out of coconut technology I’d still be trapped there... The End!” said Grampa.
“Sure Grampa... Nice story...” said Bart.
“D’oh! It was true!” said Grampa.
Suddenly there were sleigh bells.
“Santa!” said Bart and Lisa who had come down to catch the end of Grampa’s story.
“We have unfinished business...” said Grampa sharpening a candy cane!
They went to the lounge but Santa had already been as the cookies and milk had been eaten and presents had magically appeared under the tree and in the stockings.
“D’oh! I missed him.”
A tone rang like a mobile phone ringing. Grampa found in his stocking Cyrus’s watch.
“Oh Cyrus... I miss you...” said Grampa sadly.
“And he misses you!” said a voice.
Grampa looked about trying to find who spoke to find Santa!
“Santa!!” said Grampa.
“Cyrus didn’t die during the war... He crashed landed on Tahiti and liked it so much he never left...” said Santa. “I can take you to him now.”
“Will we be back for the President’s speech?” Grampa asked.
“Um no...” said Santa.
“Good because I hate that...” said Grampa.
“Me too.” said Santa.
“Wait! Santa! I wanna ride in your sleigh! I’m fully toilet trained and I don’t talk much!” said Bart going after them.
“Oh ho ho ho! Okay little Bart. Hop in!” said Santa. They flew to Tahiti.
Santa, Bart, Grampa and Great Uncle Cyrus were on a tropical island sunbathing.
“So Santa why did you never come back for me?” Abe asked.
“Oh I just forgot... I think I’m getting senile in my old age!” said Santa.
“And I was too busy with my fifteen beautiful native wives!” said Cyrus. Then fifteen women appeared and fondled Cyrus.
“Whoa! Fifteen! That’s a lot of sex!” Grampa gasped.
“I said wives not girlfriends!” said Cyrus.
Bart and Grampa arrived home Christmas Day. Marge wanted to know why they were away all night.
“Santa took us to see Great Uncle Cyrus!” said Bart.
“Abe have you been filling his head with silly stories again...”
“No Mom! It’s true! I really did see Great Uncle Cyrus! He lives in Tahiti and has fifteen wives!” said Bart.
“Bart. Okay, I believe you. But I don’t think you should be meeting extended family members...” said Marge.
“Why not?” Bart asked.
“... Remember your Uncle Arthur?” said Marge.
“I have an Uncle Arthur?!” Bart asked.
“Great Uncle so the family tree says...” said Marge. “Your Great Uncle once has a saying. Shoot em all and let God sort them out. Then he went on a mass shooting... It took twelve cops to subdue him...” Marge was embarrassed. “Now let’s never speak of Uncle Arthur again.”
“Um okay Mom...” Bart was shocked they had a mass murderer in the family.
Then Oscar came in mad and holding the script for this episode.
“Can you believe this?! Matt only forgot to write a third story! He just stuck in some sing a long rubbish to the Nutcracker song of everyone celebrating Christmas in their own way!” Oscar ranted.
We cut to the school at Christmas. The Christmas board reads. “No leaving after your kid’s part is done.”
The school were doing a production of the Nutcracker with Lisa and Milhouse in the two main parts. Lisa seemed to be working happily with Mulhouse. Maybe he had got his crush on her out of his system.
“No the school just has a no kissing rule.” said Bart as a royal soldier.
“Can the harlequins not wriggle about in the cabbage! You’re ruining the illusion!” Mr Largo told some students off who were the harlequins who come out of a giant cabbage.
“But Oscar’s eating it...” said a kid from inside.
“Ugh!” Bart gagged at the thought of someone enjoying cabbage.
Then the snowflakes got offended and were holding protest signs yelling “Hate will not divide us!”
“I want my safe space!” said one of the snowflakes.
“Oh why did I let actual special snowflakes take the role of the snowflakes in Nutcracker...” Mr Largo sighed.
Eventually act one finished.
“Woohoo! We’re free!” Homer cheered.
“No that was just the end of Act One.” said Mr Largo.
“I said we’re free!!” Homer yelled and all the parents ran out. Yes even Marge. I think the season rot is setting in...
“Fine, I’m still finishing the play. I’ll be the audience.” Mr Largo sat down. “Booooo! You suck!”
The Simpsons went shopping.
“Phew! Now I don’t have to listen to that gay Nutcracker music...” said Homer.
“I don’t know Dad... because it’s copyright free and we don’t have to pay to use it...” said Lisa.
“And it’s Christmas!” said Bart.
“We’ll be hearing it a lot!” said Marge.
“I’m still mad you dragged us out of our school play! I was gonna be a cabbage clown...” said Oscar still wearing his harlequin costume and because he insisted, a shiny red rubber squeaky clown nose.
“Oz...” Bart sighed.
To the Nutcracker theme everyone in town sang about what they were doing over the Christmas holidays.
“I have to take out my Christmas pie!” sang Marge.
“I have to buy Dad a lousy tie!” sang Bart holding a fat tie that read “Wide Load.” Oscar laughed when he saw it.
Quimby’s Santa suit was too tight!
Mr Burns was Scrooge!
Apu was selling expired products again! Oscar gagged as he had been given a green hotdog.
Willie dreamed of celebrating Christmas dinner with his family. Then that willie who was dreaming while on the toilet was actually part of a dream by the real Willie lying drunk in the snow.
Comicbook Guy complained that his Christmas cookies made him fat.
Crazy cat lady gave us cats as a present. How nice!
“Um her cats are always frightened and stressed so they latch onto your face with their claws...” Bart explained.
“We’re not Gentiles but we spend a while and do as we please. As we eat Chinese!” sang Krusty, his father Rabbi Krustofski and Old Jewish man sang as they went into a Chinese restaurant. It was full of Jews. “Shalom!”
“Aaaand I’m just here because having Chinese food for Christmas sound so sweet!” said Oscar at the Chinese restaurant.
“Stop ordering non kosher things!” Crazy Old Jewish Man told him off.
Then Moe sung a song about trying to kill himself over the Christmas holidays but each attempt fails so he makes Christmas dinner for Barney who gives him a woolly hat.
Marge and Homer are giving each other presents one evening. However Homer has forgot to by her a present so to that really frantic/silly Christmas sounding song from the Nutcracker he runs and dances about town trying to buy things. Dances with Apu as he told him he just has trout sold as turkey. Homer is then to that really silly sounding theme from the Nutcracker chasing Milhouse holding presents until he gets inside his house and slams the front door on Homer.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned.
He pirouettes off to the silly music elsewhere to get a gift for Marge.
Oscar had managed to get Bart the tickets to Italy but He was having trouble with Peter Griffin...
Peter was annoying Bart’s priest Liam Neeson by trying to fight him. But Liam beat the crap out of him.
“Yeah I bet you’d like to beat up a few black people! We’ve all read the news story! Why are you not fired for such a controversy!?” Peter bruised and bleeding yelled.
“Because he has too many fans and it was forty years ago and it was kind of justified...” said Oscar.
“How was it?! I guy raped his friend so he vowed to beat up any black man he encountered in a rough area so he could say it was self defence!” Peter ranted.
“Peter stop being annoying!” Bart yelled.
“Never!” Peter yelled.
Peter then ruined an Easter egg hunt Lisa was having with Richard Gere.
“I know where the egg is... it’s in your butt!” said Peter.
“Mr Griffin...” Richard groaned.
“I know the rumours! It’s in your butt!” said a Peter grinning.
“Peter!” Richard yelled.
“In your butt!”
“Butt! Butt! Butt!”
“Butt!” Oscar joined in.
“Oscar!” Lisa yelled.
“Sorry I just like the word butt and bum!” said Oscar.
“Butt!” said Peter still teasing Richard Gere.
“Right that’s it! Get off my property!
“Fine but I’m only doing this kids as a favour for your dad! You so disrespectful! Get your tiny yellow asses back to the church your mom and dad christened you in!” Peter yelled.
“No!” Bart and Lisa yelled.
“And if Dad has anything to do with this I’m gonna be so mad!” Bart yelled.
“Hey it’s your dad who’s supposed to get mad at you!” Peter retorted.
“Peter leave those Simpsons alone! God your more annoying than when you got feety pyjamas that gave you static electricity and you thought you were electric man!” Lois dragged Peter home.
Bart and Lisa shrugged their shoulders.
Thankfully for Homer Marge knew he’d forget to get her a gift but wasn’t mad at him. Instead she gave him a gift that was a gift for him to give to her.
It was a picture of him as a drunk Santa with a Marge on his lap.
“Oh Homer! It’s lovely!” said Marge. She kissed him.
Oscar, Father Liam and Bart flew to Italy. Luckily for Bart it landed straight at the Vatican at an airport called the Holy See.
They were greeted by future Halloween character Archbishop Homer/Pope Homer. Pope Sideous is Pope and yes Pope Homer’s crook is not a pope’s one but an archdeacon or archbishops.
“Crush them! In the name of Jebus!” Arch Bishop Homer said angrily.
Bart and Father Neeson rolled their eyes.
Meanwhile Oscar was going about the Vatican when he noticed Gino sneaking up on him with a knife in his mouth.
“Oh hi Gino.’ said Oscar.
“Vendetta! Vendetta! Vendetta for my papa!” Gino yelled.
Suddenly the Vatican shook and water washed them outside as a biblical flood flooded the cathedral.
“What was that?” Oscar asked.
Gino shrugged his shoulders. His parents cane to find him.
“Oh hi Bob.” said Oscar.
“Oh you didn’t scream my name.” said Sideshow Bob.
“Why should I? It’s not me you have a grudge against. It’s Bart. And the vendetta against the Simpsons only means the Simpsons.” said Oscar.
“Well technically it included you since you were with them...” said Bob.
“Aaaagh! Sideshow Bob!” Bart screamed.
“But for now I’ll settle for my sworn enemy...” Sideshow Bob grinned.
“Wait! I’ve got a few questions to ask!” said Oscar.
“Very well... ask away...” Bob sighed as the Terwilligers put away their knifes and sat bored.
“Okay first question. When did you attempt again to kill Bart when the last time you were with us was when we went to China?!” Oscar asked.
“It was a small opportunity because Bart had let his guard slip and I pounced on the opportunity... I even have photos of our lovely day out together...” said Bob. He showed photos, one was of Bart tied up and hanging from the Dtatue of Liberty’s torch and Sideshow Bob upside down sticking his head out of the statue’s nose!
Oscar laughed hysterically. “You’re up her nose! You’re a booger! Hahahahaha!”
Sideshow Bob rolled his eyes.
Bart smirked. “Okay that’s a little funny looking back Oz.”
“Okay next question. Why did you chose Italy?” Oscar asked Bob.
“Oh now that’s a good question!” said Bob smiling. “You see, when Cecil and I were just boys, we argued over where to go on holiday. I wanted to see the castles of Italy, he wanted to see the castles of France. So we went to see the castles of Spain. A compromise that satisfied no one...” Bob sounded annoyed.
“That’s stupid... You talk like you’re smart but you’re stupid...” said Bart.
“Baaart! The last thing you need right now is to rile Sideshow Bob...” Oscar tried to stop Bart from doing anything stupid.
“Oh I’m not angry now. Do you you think I’m angry?” Bob asked.
“Kinda....” Oscar replied as he had a look of cold fury and a nerve twitching on his neck.
“No. I am absolutely furious!!” Sideshow Bob snapped taking out his machete.
“Oh thanks Bart! Now we’re both gonna die!” Oscar yelled. They both screamed and ran away from the Terwilligers.
Meanwhile in Springfield.
“I can’t believe Oscar took Bart to Italy! Alone!” Marge ranted.
“Actually they’re with Father Neeson. Probably getting away from Peter Griffin.” said Lisa.
“Stop being a Buddhist!” said Peter at their kitchen window. Lisa grumbled and shut the curtains on him.
“I’m still here you know...” said Peter.
“Well I have to go out to the PTA meeting tonight to discuss things to make your school better sweetie. Skinners probably gonna talk about magnets again...” said Marge.
“And all the students held in place with magnets...” said Principal Skinner at the PTA meeting.
“Here we go again... the magnets...” Miss Hoover sighed.
The meeting started. Ned despite that none of his children went to the school was a member.
“Our school is low on funds...” said Ned.
“There’s no funds?! We’re doomed!!” said a man before jumping out the window!”
“No! There’s still plenty of funds! It’s just we need to raise some more!” said Ned.
The man screamed backwards and reversed himself back into the meeting and the window magically put itself back together.
“He does that every meeting and school performance.... Remember when Lisa was telling us about the Statue of Liberty...” Marge told Luanne Van Houtsn.
“And that is the story of a green, majestic fifty foot woman who watches over us carrying the books of law and the torch of liberty...” said Lisa reading her essay.
“This enormous woman will devour us all!!” A man screamed and ran out the assembly hall.
Lisa sighed and rolled her eyes.
Bart and Oscar were cornered in the Vatican with Father Neeson by the Terwilligers.
“Wait as much as you want to kill us right now! You can’t kill us here!” Oscar explained.
“Why not?” Bob asked.
“Because holy sites are Nemo’s domain...” said Oscar.
“Who on earth is Nemo...” Bob asked.
Ominous Latin chants played and demonic flames called forth Nemo, Satan’s baby son. A baby boy with black hair wearing dungarees and trainers appeared.
“I am Nemo.” said the baby. “Son of the devil. The deathless prince! The really angry one!”
“Charmed...” said Bob.
“And the mortal is right! This is my domain! Only I get to mess with the Simpsons here! Now leave! Or face my wrath!” Nemo warned the Terwilligers.
“I’m really scared... Not...” said Bob.
“Vendetta! Vendetta El Diablo!” Gino yelled.
“Oh that’s cool! I wanna see a rivalry between Nemo and Gino!” said Oscar.
“No! Let’s get outta here while we still can!” said Bart. He tried to run but Francesca stopped them. But a giant rocky hand swatted her out of the way.
“I said leave! The Simpsons are mine here!” Nemo yelled.
Bart and Oscar used this opportunity to skedaddle.
“Principal Skinner. Richard’s Dad is over reacting too much. I think we made to disband the PTA...” said Marge.
“The PTA is being Disbanded?! Aaaaaaaghhhh!” The over dramatic man screamed and jumped out a window.
Marge face palmed.
Bart and Oscar and Father Neeson soon arrived back in Springfield.
“Oh my special little guy!” Marge embarrasses Bart by kissing him.
“Mooooom!” Bart groans trying to escape from her.
“As for you! Why did you abscond with Bart to Italy!?” Homer told Oscar off.
“He wanted to go! Said he was getting the Pope’s blessing along with Father Neeson.” sId Oscar.
“Oh. That explains everything.” said Homer.
“Well.... We did encounter Sideshow Bob again... but then Nemo appeared! And fought with Bob and his new wife and Gino over who got to kill us. We escaped while they were distracted!” said Oscar.
“Well I’m sure you you had a fun adventure as long as you’re okay. Just don’t take Bart with you in future. He’s too young to be flying about on his own! I don’t even like the idea of kids flying across America on their own without a chaperone!” Marge explained.
“We won’t...” Oscar sighed.