Children of a Lesser Cloc The Simpsons go to the YMCA center much to Homer’s anger as it triggers his homophobia again until he realizes exactly what it’s for. It’s a sports club. The centre is offering people to try out classes in the hope they’ll pay to stay on. No one will...
However at basketball Homer breaks his leg getting it caught in the basketball net.
There’s also Bill Cosby and Pokemon! Space Jam references and gay Hugo. And Mothra!
Plot[]
The chalkboard gag is “Today is not Mothra’s day.” Suddenly the classroom shakes and Bart hears Mothra’s cries.
“What the?!” said Bart heading for the window.
Outside the Kaiju Mothra lands and Oscar gives her a present. There’s a banner up saying “Happy Mothra’s day!”
“Happy Mothra’s Day!” said Oscar wearing a party hat.
Bart sighs and rolls his eyes.
The couch gag is the Simpsons as Crash test dummies.
The episode begins with the Simpsons going out one evening. They’re in Homer’s pink car.
“It’s so nice to go out once in a while.” said Marge.
“Nnnnngh! Mom why couldn’t we use your car...? There’s not enough room for the five of us back here...” Bart groaned as the Simpsons kids and Oscar were squeezed together and Maggie in her chair resting on top of them.
“I can’t feel my legs...” Oscar groaned crushed by Bart, Lisa and Hugo and Maggie in her car seat resting on top of them.
“You Mother has had a tough day so I’m taking us out.” said Homer. “Where are we going again?”
“It’s just up ahead Homer.” said Marge not answering his question.
To his Horror they arrived at a sports club called Springfield YMCA. The sign under the logo read “not associated with the Village People.”
Homer screamed. “Oh hell no! You’re not turning the boys gay!” He turned round to go straight Home.
“Homer! Stop being homophobic! And it’s not that YMCA! It’s a sports club!” said Marge.
“Aaaaagh! That’s worse!” Homer screamed as they fought over the steering wheel.
“Unnnnngh! Dad! Turn round!” Bart grunted as they tried to fight with him over control of the car.
“No!” Homer yelled. They suffered a catastrophic crash.
Sometime later they were dragging a screaming Homer to the sports club. Homer screamed in protest like they were taking him somewhere horrible.
“Okay fine wait in the crashed car...” said Marge.
Homer ran off to his crashed car. “Don’t bring the boys back if they get turned by the gay people!” Homer yelled.
“Homer stop it!” Marge yelled.
...
The Simpsons minus Homer went inside the sports club. The manager had a speech.
“Welcome to the Springfield YMCA folks where you can try any of our classes for free! And if you like them pay for full membership!” said the manager.
Everyone laughed loudly.
“Oh you folks! Yes I know we’ll never see any of you again...” the manager chuckled.
“You got that right!” said Bart smirking and chuckling.
Homer sat in his wrecked car sulking about Marge turning the boys gay...
“Now any questions?” The manager of the YMCA asked.
Oscar put up his hand.
“No this has nothing to do with the Village people...” said the manager. “Or homosexuality in general.”
The Village People sighed and left.
Everyone went off to try classes. Abe and Mr Burns tried Senior’s basketball.
“Alley-oop!” said Mr Burns playing some form of senior basketball with Abe Simpson.
Mr Burns scored. “Three nil to me. This is looking a fun game Simpson.” said Mr Burns.
“Well it’s your turn to get the ball out of the peach basket.” said Abe. “And that’s sergeant Simpson to you Private! I’m still ya commanding officer!”
“Yes yes... I’ll put a peach in your basket...” said Mr Burns muttering as he climbed up the ladder to collect the ball.
...
Meanwhile Lisa took gymnastics.
“I am Lugash your gymnastics teacher.” said Lugash. “I am from east Germany. I came here in the eighties by cartwheeling over the Berlin Wall!”
All the girls laughed.
“Stop laughing! It weakens the haunches!” yelled Lugash.
He calmed down to speak to Lisa. “Hello little girl. How old are you?l he asked.
“Eight.” said Lisa.
“Eight?! Too old! Go home grandma!” Lugash yelled at her. “Oh I’m sorry little girl! Lugash must go now to anger management class. Worthless anger management class!! I hate it! I spit on it!” He ranted and shouted while leaving for anger management class.
Elsewhere Bart was looking for a class when a black rapper tempted him with a class. “Yo G, this class is for the hip kids too cool for school! We make you from slopper to proper!” said the rapper.
Bart eagerly went inside only to find to his horror it was an elocution class. A class to speak properly.
“Now class we will be teaching you fine young gentlemen to speak eloquently with the utter most gentlemanly conduct!” said a posh lady tutor.
“But the black man said...” Bart tried to explain.
“Are you accusing my husband of misleading you?!” asked the teacher. “I ought to put a cap in your ass!” She made a gun gesture.
...
Meanwhile Homer feeling left out, and seeing much to his relief there were no gay people about, he joined the men’s basketball team.
“I’ll pick Lenny.” said Carl.
“Thanks Carl!” said Lenny joining his team.
Skinner picked his team mate. “Hmmmmmm....” he looked around.
“Oh pick me! Pick me! I have dreams coach hoop dreams!” said Homer.
“Okay Homer you’re up.” said Skinner.
“Woohoo!” Homer cheered. “Losers! Losers! Looo oooo osers!” He taunted the unpicked citizens. “You did say Homer right?”
“Yes.” said Skinner.
“Losers! Losers!” Homer continues to chant.
“Come on Homer Glumplich don’t be shy! Simpson get back in line and stop making a jackass of yourself!” Skinner told Homer off.
“D’oooooooh! Curse you narrator! And curse you Homer Glumplich!” Homer screamed as he got in line.
Homer Glumplich laughed a goofy yokel laugh and joined Skinner’s team.
“Then I’ll pick Professor Frink.” said Carl.
“Ah yes. Ga hoy! You will not be disappointed in my performance with the slam dunking and the shoes made with flubber!” Frink went crazy and jumped up high and bounced across the basketball court under the bouncy power of Flubber. Mmmmm Robin Williams. “Whoa! I can’t stop bouncing! And the flubber is burning my shoes!”
Everyone rolled their eyes.
“And if you thought that movie reference was crazy, I have personally invited Michael Jordon, the Looney Tunes and the Nerdlucks in their Monstar forms.” said Oscar.
Michael Jordon, the Looney Tunes and the Monstars entered the room. The Monstars by smashing through the wall because of their size.
“I’m Michael Jordon.” said Michael Jordon. “Stop it. Get some help.”
“Eh... What’s up Doc?” Bugs Bunny asked eating a carrot.
“You’re all despicable!” said Daffy spitting as he talked.
Taz spun as a brown tornado making gibberish noises and raspberries.
“Sufferin succotash!” said Sylvester the cat.
The Monstars flexed their muscles.
The Simpson characters sweat dropped.
Bart ran in. “Sorry folks got held up in an elocutions class. See this is what happens when I’m not around!” said Bart exhausted. “Oscar get rid of these silly cameos and come on! There’s a Kung fu class down the hall!”
Oscar sighed and got rid of the Space Jam characters.
...
Before the basketball game started the manager had a special guest.
“Veteran McBain actor Rainer Wolfcastle would like to say a few words.” said the Manager.
Rainer Wolfcastle was doing a form of push up that involved clapping quickly as much as possible between each push up. “Oh hello!” He got up and took the mike. “I have bought this puny YMCA which I am astonished has nothing to do with the girly Village People! I plan to tear it down and build a nature reserve where I will hunt the most dangerous game! Man!” said Rainer.
...
In Kung fu class.
Comic book guy was teaching Kung fu.
“Class I will be teaching you Kung fu. Most comic book heroes such as Batman took self defence classes or were taught by a mentor so they can fight bad guys. Those who have paid the entrance fee welcome. Those that haven’t. You have just bought very expensive pyjamas.” said Comic book Guy.
“He’s right. These are pretty adorable pyjamas!” said Oscar. Bart hushed him.
“Kung fu is about the ancient art of your body’s own mystical energy. Called Chi. Now anyone who thinks they can challenge my might, come at me! Hiyaaaaa!” said Comic book guy.
All the kids jumped on Comicbook Guy and beat him up. One kid kicked him in the groin. “Ow! My Chi!!” Comicbook Guy cried in pain.
...
Meanwhile at the men’s basketball game.
Lenny jumped with the power of flubber with the ball to the hoop but fell on Moe.
“Oof!” Moe grunted.
“That was a foul. I am taking the ball and going home...” said Lenny.
“Hey you can’t do that! That’s not your ball!” said Moe.
Rainer Wolfcastle was loading a rifle. “It begins.”
Lenny screamed and ran away with Rainer chasing him with a gun.
Uh....
Next Carl had a chance to score.
“Go Carl! I believe you can fly!” said Homer.
“Oh I am so sick of those stereotypes that just because I’m African American I am automatically great at basketball.” said Carl. He leapt impossibly high and scored a goal.
“Yeah Carl! Go Carl! It’s your birthday! You got mail! Three point!” Carl showed off.
Then Groundskeeper Willie blinded everyone with what was under his kilt. Because as you know Scots wear nothing under their kilts...
Homer and Moe screamed at the sight of his nether regions.
Wiggum blew the whistle. “Right that’s it Groundskeeper Willie! You’ve been warned once before! Wear underwear or go home!”
“Ach! Ye cannae tell a Scotsman to wear underwear! That’s like telling Cher not to sing about Thieves and Gypsies!” said Willie deciding to go home instead.
Next Homer, Frink, Moe and Skinner planned something.
“Here’s something I was saving for the Olympics, or possibly the Final Four.” said Homer as they huddled together.
“How about the Fantastic Four?” Oscar asked being silly.
“Shut up!” Homer yelled at him.
However Homer figured there’d be more people in the huddle so he started talking to himself.
“No I ain’t taking groundskeeper Willie. Yes you are are you a team player or not?”
Skinner and Moe thought he was insane, um Willie left rather than agree to wear underwear under his kilt.
Skinner’s plan was to tie his shoe laces. Homer used him as a spring to jump really high.
“Eat my dust losers! Hahahahaha! (Gets his leg caught in the basketball hoop and something cracks.) Yaaaaaaaagh!” Homer got his leg caught in the basketball hoop and painfully tore a ligament.
The men winced.
The goal then snapped off the wall from Homer’s weight and crushed his leg. He screamed in agony.
Plot 2[]
Homer was immediately taken to hospital. Dr Payne was checking him over.
“Now Homer you have torn your anterior cruciate ligament.” said Dr Payne.
“Did you say anterior?” Homer asked.
“Yes.” Dr Payne read his medical report.
Homer screamed in agony.
“Now how did this happen?” Dr Payne ask.
“Maybe a little morphine will refresh my memory...” said Homer. Dr Payne sighed and injected him with morphine. “Oooooh... Still a little woozy from the pain...” Dr Payne gave him some more.
“Ahhhh! Now I remember it like it was yesterday...” said Homer.
“It happened today Homer...” said Dr Payne.
“Hey I’m having a cutaway here Doc...” said Homer dreaming of what happened. He was in a back alley playing basketball. He jumped so high he went into space.
“Go Homer! You can do it!” said a moon voiced by Tress Macneille. Suddenly the Planet Express Ship flew past and a giant bender arm shoved a beer bottle in the moon’s eye. The ship flew away with Bender laughing.
“Well at least I have my dignity.” said the moon before crying.
Homer arrived at Saturn and slam dunked the basketball through its rings. Homer cheered and stood in space smugly. However a small red ship crashed into his leg. “Ow!” Homer cried. “Jetson!” He yelled shaking his fist.
“Good lord! We need to get you to surgery! And fast!” said Dr Payne.
“Maybe a little morphine will get me there faster...” said Homer. Dr Payne sighed and gave him some more.
...
The family were watching Homer go under surgery.
“So many times Dad has gone under the knife...” said Lisa.
“One more and I get a free hysterectomy.” said Marge.
“Noooooo!” Bart cried. “Hang in there little brother! You’ll get born soon!” He said to Marge’s tummy.
“Oh for goodness sake! Bart I’m not having any more children! Four is enough!” said Marge.
Dr Nick was singing the rib bone is connected to the... song in theatre. “Heart is connected to the red thing. The red thing is connected to my wristwatch. Uh oh!” said Dr Nick having attached his wristwatch to something inside Homer.
Later Homer was wheeled out of surgery in a wheelchair.
Homer was wearing a sweaty vest, glasses and a long hair back and sides bald on top blond wig with a fake scalp.
“Oscar insisted I come out of surgery dressed like this guy called Andy and yell “Yeah I know! I want that one!”” said Homer.
The Simpsons face palmed at Oscar’s stupidity.
“Now Homer will soon recover from his spinal cord injury.” said Dr Payne.
“What spinal cord injury?” Marge asked.
“He fell off the gurney.” said Dr Payne. “But in the meantime. That leg is gonna keep you off of work until it’s fully healed...”
“Awwww! But I love working at the nucleon plant!” said Homer lying.
“And you also have this hefty hospital bill! You really shouldn’t have ordered all those hospital hair cuts and pornographic films!” said Dr Payne.
Marge glared at Homer. “What pornographic films?!”
“Doc... My wife is right here...” said Homer. Homer sighed. “I thought Dr Screwlittle would be a thought invoking medical drama...”
“Now Homer I don’t do unethical hijinks like Dr Hibbert such as handcuffing patients until the pay up but we all have to pay our bills! Even I do!” said Dr Payne.
Dr Hibbert was handcuffing a patient with no medical insurance to the radiator. “A hehehehe! Now you stay here until you cough up some insurance.
“I understand Doc... Look! A bear!” Homer yelled.
“Where?” Dr Payne asked. Homer ran away but as soon as he put weight on his damaged leg it made a horrid crunch and he screamed in agony and collapsed in a heap holding his leg and crying out in pain.
A bear appears. No this isn’t one of my surreal additions! A bear actually appears and looks at Homer screaming in pain before shrugging its shoulders.
...
Dr Payne wheeled Homer out of hospital.
“Now give that leg plenty of rest. You mustn’t put any weight on it.” said Dr Payne.
“What? So I’m supposed to sit on my ass all day watching TV?! That ain’t my style man!” said Homer.
“Oh for goodness Homer! You don’t have to keep lying to impress the doctor!” said Marge.
“What makes you think I’m lying?” Homer asked.
“Dad we know you’re lying... they don’t call you land whale for no reason...” said Bart.
“Why you little!” Homer wheeled himself after Bart in his wheel chair. Bart ran away resulting in a Benny Hill chase...
Dr Payne face palmed.
“So Dr. How exactly are you more professional than our GP Dr Hibbert...’ Marge asked.
“I don’t come up with wild theories about evil twins or recommend parents lock their children up in attics just because they’re aggressive.” Dr Payne snarked.
...
At home Homer miserable looked out the living room window. “Everyone is having fun except me...” Homer sighed. Carl was playing with a hoop he was rolling. Lenny played it’s a pogo stick and Barney made a movie reference. I don’t know what the movie reference was.
“Mrs Simpson. can Homer come out to play?” Barney asked.
“No I’m afraid not. He won’t be out for a while Barney.” said Marge.
“Can you make me some jello?,” asked Barney.
“Shoo! Shoo!” said Marge.
Inside.
“Well it’s just us four.” said Homer.
“I have a baseball game to attend.” said Bart.
“I’m going to the library.” said Lisa.
“Well, well. The tables have turned...” said Abe getting up and walking towards Homer. “Who’s the hip young dude now? Ow! (Crack) I broke my pointing finger!”
“This is so boring...” said Homer.
“Now Homer there’s lot’s of things to pass up the time. Hitch up your pants... air whittle... make friends with a Chinese guy...” Said Abe.
A Chinese man walked into the Simpsons house.
“Mr Simpson you weren’t supposed to leave the home!” said the Chinese man.
“Sure thing Ping Pong!” said Abe.
“My name is Kevin...” said Kevin the Chinese man.
“Sure it is...” said Abe.
“Hehehe! Old fashioned casual racism about Chinese people...” Homer chuckled.
...
Homer was bored that evening and had a strange idea with the dog and cat...
“I know! I’ll breed the dog and the cat to each other! Bwahahahaha!” Homer rubbed his hands and laughed evilly.
Hugo came in wearing his science lab coat and glasses and laughed evilly too.
“Together my boy we will create an animal with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog!” said Homer.
“Excellent!” Hugo excellents like Mr Burns and laughs evilly. “Wait a minute. Shouldn’t it be the loyalty of a dog and the cleanliness of a cat?”
“Yeah but what ya gonna do? This is for science! Mad science! Bwahahahaha!” said Homer putting the cat and dog in a black sack.
“Cooooool! My favourite science!” said Hugo.
The dog and cat were fighting violently in the bag.
“No! That’s not how you do it!” Homer told them. However Snowball II and Santa’s Little Helper jumped out of the sack and escaped out a window. Ned then came in through the Back door.
“Hi diddly ho Neighbourino!” said Ned as he bought in his boys Rod and Todd.
“Yes! Human contact at last! Stupid Flanders...” said Homer.
“Homer can Marge do me a favour? My babysitter quit on me and I have tickets to a Christian rock concert.” said Ned. They were tickets to a Chris Rock in concert...
“Well... unfortunately Marge is out identifying a body at the morgue...” said Homer.
“Cooool! The morgue!” said Hugo.
Marge was at a morgue. The mortician took a body out of its locker.
“That’s not my Uncle Lou. And this man is still breathing!” Marge explained.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” said Hans Moleman.
“That’s just gas escaping.” said the mortician forcing Hans Moleman into the body storage locker. Okay some people are just really mean to poor Moleman....
...
“And Mr Flanders those are not tickets to a Christian Rock concert... They’re tickets to Chris Rock in concert.” said Hugo. “He’s a comediab. And he is certainly not pious and family friendly with his jokes. You wouldn’t like him...”
“Oh dear. Looks like my night out is off boys. See ya Homer.” Ned took his boys home.
“Wow! You got rid of the Flanders!” said Homer. “And all without yelling at them...”
“Mr Flanders clearly needs to get his eyes tested... can’t tell Christian Rock from Chris Rock...” said Hugo.
...
Homer and Hugo sat down to watch TV. Bill Cosby’s Kids say the darnedest things was on.
“Now my good friend. What do you like to play?” Bill Cosby asked the little boy.
“Pokemon!” said the boy.
“Pokemon?! With the poke and the mon! And the guy comes out of the thing and he makes a fire on the sidewalk! Ah Ah Ah!” Bill Cosby speaks nonsense about Pokemon.
The audience laugh.
Homer laughs because he thinks the show is funny.
Hugo doesn’t get it. “I don’t get how that guy speaking nonsense is funny...” said Hugo.
“Zip Zop Boopity bop!” Bill Cosby yelled doing a chicken impression.
Homer screamed with laughter.
Hugo rolled his eyes and went to his room.
Later that evening.
Bart got home from his baseball game. He was dressed up nicely. That meant dorky combed hair and dorky clothes. He was in his bedroom singing Frere Jacque.
Hugo came in wearing gay leather spiked clothes and a leather cap.
“Bro what are you doing?” Hugo asked.
“Aunt Patty and Selma are coming over. I’m practicing my singing. Since you spent all your life locked away in the attic there’s something you need to know about Mom’s family. They’re French. French and old fashioned. They expect all boys in the family even through marriage to sing old french songs. Including nursery rhymes... That means I have to sing for Aunt Patty and Selma tonight. If not they won’t be pleased.” said Bart.
“And...” said Hugo.
“Mom won’t be happy.” said Bart. “Besides every time I sing I get money! Woo! Extra pocket money!”
“oh.” said Hugo.
“That means you have to get out of that ridiculous outfit and get smartened up Hugo... you’re singing too...” said Bart.
“Nah Uh. I don’t sing...” said Hugo.
“Hugo you’re singing for your aunts Patty and Selma! Now get dressed!” said Marge loudly from somewhere.
“Yes Moooom...” Hugo sighed leaving for his room.
“Why are you even dressed like that? You look like a member of the village people...” said Bart.
“I’m annoying Dad by triggering his homophobia.” said Hugo.
“Oh.” Bart replied. He snickered. He might have some fun provoking Dad later.
Plot 3[]
One morning Bart got up to check his calendar as it was Mother’s Day. But Oscar had scribbled over Mother’s Day to say Mothra’s Day. “What the?” Bart asked.
Oscar ran in dressed as Mothra making a demented noise meant to sound like her cries. “Happy Mothra’s Day!”
Bart rolled his eyes.
“Oscar it’s Mother’s Day. Not Mothra’s Day! That was just a joke in class that got me doing lines in detention.” said Bart.
“Well you should know by now my parents are dead. And I hate them even now because they mistreated me and beat me! I’d rather make up my own holiday and celebrate someone more deserving...” said Oscar.
“Mothra...” said Bart rolling his eyes.
“Yep!” Oscar smirked.
“Well I have to give my mom her Mother’s Day gift. Sorry you had a bad childhood Oz...” said Bart as he took a present to the master bedroom.
Later after his wife opened her presents Homer went downstairs for a morning beer when Ned knocked.
“Hi diddly ho Homer!” said Ned with his boys.
“Why look who it is!” Homer said with sarcastic joy. “Stupid Flanders...”
“I managed to get actual tickets to a Christian Rock concert for tonight this time Homer. I was wondering if Marge would be able to babysit Rod and Todd?” Ned asked.
“Hmmmmm... Well the thing is the kids are taking Marge out for Mother’s Day dinner tonight. I can’t drive because of my leg... So I’m staying in.” said Homer. “I could look after them.”
“Sure. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong. Now be good for Mr Simpson while I’m gone boys!” said Ned.
“We will Daddy!” said Rod and Todd in unison.
At late morning Homer was already inebriated and sleeping on the couch surrounded by his second breakfast. Snacks.
Bart came in to find Rod, Todd and Oscar watching Veggietales and singing Larry the Cucumber song.
Bart screamed and put on Itchy and Scratchy.
“Hey! We were watching that!” Todd whined.
Later at lunch Homer sobered up and was watching Bumblebee Man while Rod and Todd ate candy sandwiches. Empty sandwiches with candy and sweets as the filling...
“Mr Simpson can we have another candy sandwich?” Rod asked.
“Sure! Knock yourself out! And call me Homer!” said Homer.
The Flanders boys gasped. “Daddy says we’re not supposed to call grownups by their first names!” said Rod.
“Daddy’s not here, is he?” said Homer winking.
Rod and Todd giggled.
Some time later that night it was time for Ned to take his boys home.
“So how were the boys Homer? Were they well behaved?” Ned asked.
“Oh yeah! They were like angels! Not like my kids...” Homer sighed.
“Well that’s fab ah roony!” said Ned. “Well boys how was Mr Simpson?”
“He was funny! He kept telling us how the world keeps screwing him over!” said Todd.
Homer chuckled sheepishly, “Yeah they hung onto my every word! I can’t get Bart or Lisa to listen to any of my stories! They think I’m boring!” said Homer. “So how was your concert?”
“Splendiferous! I’m just glad your boy checked my tickets last night or I would had an awful time!” said Ned.
“Daddy can Mr Simpson look after us all the time?” asked Rod.
“Now Rod. That depends if Homer is running a daycare centre or not.” said Ned.
“Don’t tell me if I’m running a daycare centre or not!” said Homer.
“So you are running a daycare centre?” Ned asked.
“Sure! Why not?” said Homer.
“Then it’s settled! The boys could have somewhere to go after Christian school!”
“Yaaaaaay!” Rod and Todd cheered.
...
The next day all of Bart’s friends and some of Marge’s friends kids and Lisa’s friends were running about the house causing mayhem.
“Hmmmm... You opened a daycare in our house with out my say so?” Marge sighed to Homer in the kitchen.
“If I asked you you’d just say no.” said Homer.
Marge sighed.
“Why is my name on the poster?” said Marge.
“It’s for legal purposes.” said Homer.
Milhouse and Ralph ran in giggling.
“Hey kids.” said Homer warmly.
“Is that your leg with the boo boo?” Ralph asked.
“Yes it is son. And what a boo boo it is! Wanna see it?”
Ralph and Milhouse said yes eagerly.
Homer showed the gruesome bloody wound on the front of his leg.
“Eeeeeeew!” Milhouse groaned.
“Touch it! Go on! I’m drugged up on painkillers so I can’t feel it anyway.” said Homer.
Ralph touched the wound with his hand. “Aaaaaagh! Mr Simpson, it’s healing over my hand!” Ralph cried as Homer’s injured flesh around his wound engulfed Ralph’s hand. Eeeeeew! Creepy!
“It knows you’re afraid...” said Homer eerily.
...
Homer was playing peekaboo with Gerald.
“He’s been doing that for two hours...” said Bart.
“Even the baby is bored before the adult this time!” said Lisa.
Gerald looked bored and crawled away from Homer but Home grabbed his foot and dragged him back towards him on his back. “I said Peekaboo!”
“Now his getting rough and clingy like Teddy is when I get fed up with him sniffing my diaper.” said Oscar.
There’s a cutaway of Baby Oscar wearing feety pyjamas being sniffed by Teddy the teddy bear with a big black shiny nose. Oscar gets up and crawls away but Teddy grabs his foot and roughly pulls him back towards him on his his stomach. “I ain’t done yet, kiddo!” Teddy said frowning as he poked Baby Oscar’s stomach.
Rod and Todd then asked Homer to sing them a song. The lights suddenly went out as the house was dimly lit by moonlight for some reason despite it being in the middle of the day. Homer sung jazz music/Frank Sinatra.
“Is that all there is...?” Homer sung.
“Dad never sings like that to us!” said Bart.
“Probably because you’re always making him mad Bart!” said Lisa.
“He’s not that much more fond of you especially since you became a Buddhist!” said Bart.
...
At school Bart was annoyed by Milhouse and Ralph praising his dad for being cool.
“You haven’t seen the real side of him! It’s all burping and neglect!” said Bart eating his lunch.
“I think we know your dad better than you do...” said Milhouse.
“Is that my jacket?!” Bart asked why Milhouse was wearing his evening jacket.
“Your dad said it looks better on me...” said Milhouse.
At home.
“Homer!! Did you give Bart’s smart dinner jacket away?!” Marge yelled as she went through Bart’s wardrobe.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned.
...
Due to Homer's neglect, Bart and Lisa began misbehaving and acting out act school. Maggie even developed a diaper rash and she was crying loudly for her daddy.
Bart made a mess in the kitchen in an attempt to gain his father's attention while Lisa contacted Bigger Brothers Services to gain a fatherly figure for herself, Hugo, Maggie and Bart. When Homer found out this news of a man from the Bigger Brother services was looking after his actual kids, he got annoyed and took to drinking brandy in the darkened house during the day with the curtains shut again and acting like the husband from Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolf.
“You’ve been out gallivanting with that floozy of an older brother of yours! Haven’t you!?” said Homer angrily in his Virginia Woolf phase.
"Ever since you opened your day care," Bart ranted furiously. "You had no time for me, Maggie, Lisa or Hugo! You ignored us and played more attention to the kids in your daycare! Maggie even had a diaper rash due to your negligence!"
"This guy understands us more and doesn't complain about me playing my saxophone!" Lisa added as she held Maggie.
"She's right, father." Hugo argued. "This father figure of ours Tom even attended our games and our recitals, took us shopping, took care of us in need when you weren't there for us...he even went with Lisa to the father/daughter dance!"
Homer continues to spout dialogue in a posh accent as the husband from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf until his kids' counter arguments and his temper got the better of him and he finally snapped. “That’s it! Go to your rooms! And that includes the freak! Off to the attic!”
Bart, Lisa and Hugo scowled as they went to their rooms.
Homer made Hugo stay in the attic with buckets of fish heads while he ran his day care.
...........
Soon it was Valentine’s Day. Homer played with the children at his day care and ripped off the movie Daddy Day care. Holy crud, I make this episode two parter with the filler. But where was Marge?
“No Narrator!” Bart whined. Homer had imprisoned his actual kids in the basement to make valentine hearts out of red card and crafts material.
"Where is our dear second fatherly figure Tom when we need him?" Lisa lamented. "If only the parents of Springfield knew what dad was like..."
“Narrator’s right where is Mom in all this and why does the co author Alvin write me addressing Mom and Dad as Mother and Father?” said Hugo confused.
“Probably because you turned out to be the good twin.” said Oscar.
You see that Valentine’s Day while Homer played with the kids attending his Day care, his own children Bart, Lisa, Hugo and Maggie were imprisoned down in the basement as part of a Chinese sweatshop cutting up red card into heart shaped valentines cards.
“I know how to get back at Dad. We’ll cut these hearts in a shoddy manner...” said Bart as he cut out a heart shape.
“No Bart...” Lisa sighed as that was a bad idea.
When they got some time out of the basement. Marge probably let them out. And probably had some strong words with Homer. The Simpson kids went to the landing over looking the entrance hallway. They saw Homer receiving gifts from the day care kids.
Bart had an idea.
“We need to show Dad what he is neglecting!” said Bart. He had a flat present wrapped in green wrapping paper and orange ribbons. He put it on his skateboard and sent it rolling downstairs. The skateboard nudged Homer’s foot.
He spotted the gift. “Oh, a present for me?” He opened it. Inside was one of his family photos of the kids, minus Hugo because Hugo was still imprisoned in the attic at the time the photo was taken. The phot was in a nice picture frame.
“What a lovely picture frame!” said Homer. “This would go great with this picture I’m gonna take right now with my Day Care gang! Smile, gang!”
Homer took a photo with Ralph, Milhouse, the octuplets, Rod and Todd, Gerald and other kids.
To Bart’s disgust, he took out the family photo from the frame and threw it away. Then he put he photo with the day care lot in the picture frame and put it on the mantle piece.
"Great, just great!" Oscar bemoaned as he slid through the basement window. "Is your dad not paying attention to you since he started running the daycare? That is a real bummer. Tom told me all about it. Where's Hugo?"
“And I do not say bummer Alvin! I’m British!” Oscar yelled at the fourth wall before fetching from hammer space a cup of tea and a saucer and drank some tea. “Hehehehe... bummer...”
"Homer banished him to the attic again." Bart replied as he, Lisa and Maggie finished the Valentine hearts. "He is also nominated for the Good Guy Awards."
"What about your mom?" Oscar questioned.
“Another morgue called to day this time they are positive her Uncle Lou has been brought in. Poor great uncle Lou...” said Lisa.
Another day at Homer’s day care aka Daddy Day care. Screw you Eddie Murphy! XD.
Narrator, Eddie Murphy is not gonna see that as light hearted ribbing...
A boy turned up dressed as DC’s The Flash and ran around like a lunatic and drank the bubble blowing mixture from Bart’s collection of bubble mixture novelty toys he uses to refill his bubble pipe when he wants to be a Hugh Hefner.
”Hey!!” Bart whined.
The boy dressed as Flash burped up bubbles.
Then Homer and Lenny had a fight dressed as broccoli and a carrot. Chaos ensues as they take it way too seriously and violently wrestle as Homer puts Lenny dressed as a carrot through the glass tea table.
”Homer! Geez! Calm down!” Marge scolded him.
Oscar came back from using the toilet under the stares.
”I’m done!” said Oscar.
”Did you wipe yourself” Homer asked squinting suspicious at him.
”Yep.” said Oscar.
”Did you wash your hands?” Homer asked.
”Yep.” said Oscar. He went off somewhere.
Homer went in the under the stairs toilet and that one theme from Psycho plays where Norman kills Marion in the shower as Homer is horrified by the state of his lavatory. Oscar presumably did a dirty protest or something in there involving his poop.
Plot 4[]
“Homie you have been neglecting our own kids lately.” said Marge.
”They know this for the best! They’ll understand when they have kids someday...” said Homer.
Marge grumbled annoyed. “You are gonna spend more time with our own kids instead of just everyone else’s, Buster!”
Homer whined. “But Marge! I like our friends’s kids! Their kids are nice and well behaved! And they don’t bring down the mood grouching about how we’re all doomed and the world is gonna end because of global warming!”
Bart and Lisa were offended and crossed their arms glaring at him.
”Plus to avoid me getting told of by Clancy or Dr Hibbert it’s best our ill mannered sprigs don’t attend in case one of the day care kids gets hurt..,” said Homer.
”Dad most of the day care lot are our friends at school or Rod and Todd from next door. Barring extreme examples I’ve never hurt any of them except when Milhouse attacked me for sending his girlfriend to a covenant so hi hit him over the head with his magic eight ball.” said Bart.
”You see Marge! You see?!” said Homer.
”Well not all of them are our friends. Who’s the kid who is always dressed as DC’s The Flash? Of that Crispin kid?” Lisa asked.
”The Flash kid is Tony, and Crispin is that brat that keeps kicking people in the shins or their groins.” said Homer.
...
However the next Day Care afternoon, Tony as The Flash ran around like a lunatic again and Crispin kicked everyone in their shins or groins. He had just kicked Oscar in his groin.
”My balls!” He squeaked in pain from being kicked in the groin.
Homer got everyone to sit down.
”I gotta pee.” A kid asked.
”Arnold.” Homer sighed to Arnold Schwarzenegger who was a guest daycare worker today.
”There is no Bathroom!” said Arnold Schwarzenegger.
”Only Zuul...” added Oscar.
”Silence! You think you are funny?! You are a nothing but a choir boy! A choir boy!” Arnold Schwarzenegger yelled.
Homer asked the kids about fish that live in the sea.
”Dolphins.” said Max.
”Dolphins are not fish!” Hugo retorted.
”Dolphins are fish!” said Max.
”No they are not!” Hugo yelled.
”They live in the sea.” said Max.
“That doesn’t mean they are fish!” said Hugo annoyed.
”Okay, okay. Let’s ask something else...” said Homer.
”Where do babies come from?” a little girl asked.
Homer felt he shouldn’t answer that question. “Um let’s go back to the dolphins...”
”Dolpha! Dolpha! Dolpha! Dolpha!” Oscar squealed smacking things with his dolphin plushie.
”Okay maybe not...” said Homer.
”Did you hurt yourself Homer?” A boy asked.
”Yes Timmy I hurt my leg. I had a very, very big boo boo!” said Homer.
”He tore his anterior ligament...” said Hugo.
”No big words Hugo! Or are you too big for Day Care?” Homer yelled.
”Dad I’m ten of course I’m too big for Daycare...” said Hugo.
”What’s ant ear rheoa?“ a girl asked.
Homer sighed.
”It’s a toomah.” said Timmy.
”It’s not a tumour!” said Arnold Schwarzenegger annoyed.
...
