Simpsons Fanon

Chief of Hearts. Chief Wiggum forms a friendship with Homer. And Bart gets into Bakugan Battle Brawlers at a kid’s birthday party. But Marge not understanding the slang of the game thinks he is doing drugs...


The title gag is Kang and Kodos laughing in their space ship.

The billboard gag is Mr Burns saying “death and Taxes. Two things I avoid...”

“Oh really now..” said the grim reaper and Mark Hamill’s Joker.

The chalkboard gag is “this counts as Gym and Art Class.”

The couch gag is Comic Book Guy in a restaurant eating the Simpsons as dishes again. Ie Homer Salad, Lisa Soup etc.

The episode starts with Marge taking Bart, Lisa, Hugo and Oscar to some kid’s birthday party. They are dressed up nicely except Oscar. Marge also brought the babies, Maggie and Eric.

“Mom why are you making us go to this kid’s birthday party...” said Bart.

“Yeah...” Lisa sighed.

”Grrrrrrr! Yaaaaaargllblbll...” Hugo jabbering in gibberish.

“Oh you remember Dylan! You were in Toddler Tots together!” said Marge.

“I don’t even remember if Dylan is a boy or a girl...” said Bart.

“Of course you do. Dylan's a...” said Marge. “Hmm. Let me check the invitation. Fish theme? That tells me nothing!”

“Dylan is a boy’s name Bart... obviously he’s a boy...” said Oscar.

“Well this invite has a fish theme... that doesn’t help...” Marge sighed.

”Boys like Finding Nemo...” said Oscar.

”I don’t!” said Bart rolling his eyes.

They stopped at a kid’s house where there was a birthday party and balloons.

There were girls playing Princesses and dressing up...

Tchaikovsky’s overture to Sleeping Beauty played as the girls played nicely.

“See? Dylan is clearly a girl!” said Marge.

“Either that Dylan’s a girl with an unfortunate name or a cross dressing freak...” said Oscar.

“Oscar stop being offensive about transvestism and transgender people!” Marge told him off.

However at the party was a group of boys in super hero costumes fighting.

Purcell’s Funeral of Queen Mary in the style of Rock blared out as boys dressed up as superheroes were fighting.

“What kind of party has two themes?! That’s just confusing!” Marge ranted.

”They’re trying time confuse me! I hate being confused!” Hugo ranted.

“Look everyone! Dylan’s best friend is here!” said a girl.

A big fluffy sheepdog that resembled Max from Disney’s the Little Mermaid appeared and everyone stroked it.

“Oh I give up!” Marge sighed. Dylan is a dog?!

Marge gave her kids their presents to give to Dylan on his/her birthday.

“I really hope Dylan likes fire trucks.” said Marge.

“Marge... you don’t know Dylan...” said Mavis the sassy black woman from church.

Lisa tried to explain to Oscar at the birthday party that Dylan can be a girl’s name.

”Oh yeah! Like Mia Farrow’s unfortunately boy named daughter that Woody Allen molested!” said Oscar.

”Oscar! Don’t say that word!” Marge told him off.

Bart immediately went to eat the party food. He tried a cupcake. “Ugh! Carrot cake! Yeeeuck!” he said in disgust and spat out his mouthful of carrot cake. But he decided to smoosh the chewed up cake back onto the cake he bit and carefully put it back so no one notice.

Then when he left Ace picked up his chewed cake he tried and bit it. “Mmmmmm! Carrot cake! Mmmmmhmmm! So moist!” said Ace the vampire kid being silly and cartoony. Eeeew! Ace someone put half chewed cake on that cake...”

And yeah that blond posh kid is Ace...

Bart then came across some kids playing a game with trading cards and plastic balls that unfold into little plastic monsters.

“Battle Card Digitate!”

“Defense card, deflecto warp!”

“Disubaki, Goji kick!” said the kids playing what looked like Bakugan battle brawlers.

“Hey dinks, whatcha dweebin?” Bart asked.

The boy with neat hair from the other fourth grade class Wendell sat next to scoffed at him. “You don’t know Bakugan battle brawlers?”

“It’s a Japanese card game based on a cartoon based on an ancient religion based on a candy bar...” said a boy with stupidly coloured anime hair. Mmmmmm! Sacrilicious...

“Pokemon!” said the kid who was on Bill Cosby’s Kids say the darnedest things.

“Pokemon?! The thing with the thing and the guy comes out of the and he makes a fire on the sidewalk! Ah ah ah!” said Bill Cosby ranting madly about things in gibberish.

”No not Pokemon...” said the other fourth grade class kid. The Jewish one with buck teeth and curly brown hair.

”Holy crap! Retro Jurkle!” Oscar yelled.

“No! I will not have buck teeth or be chubby!” Jurkle frowned annoyed.

“Basically it makes Digimon look like crap!” said the kid from Nikki’s class. Suddenly Tai from Digimon lunged at him.

“You take that back you little!” Tai tried to strangle him but Joe and Izzy pulled him off.

“No Tai! We don’t need another lawsuit!” said Izzy.

Bart sweat dropped.

“Anyway... before that... I was supposed to say ...What?! Impossible!” said Bart.

A boy rolled a Bakugan battle brawler and it unfolded and drilled out another Bakugan’s heart. The Bakugan monster died.

“Kali ma shakti de! Kali mmmmmmph!” Oscar yelled seeing this heart extraction but Hugo hand gagged him and dragged him away apologising silently to the boys for Oscar’s silliness.


Meanwhile Homer was eating a candy apple when he went to go in the bank. However there was a sign saying no food or drink allowed.

“No food or drink allowed?!” Homer gasped. “What if I don’t listen to you sign...”

Oscar went in the bank while eating a candy apple. He was immediately thrown out by security. “Can’t you read?! No food or drink!” A guard yelled.

Homer put his candy apple in his pocket. “Stay in here my red friend...” said Homer.

However when he went in everyone thought he had a gun.

“He has a gun! Everyone get down!” A man screamed.

“Mmmmmmmbllmmmmblblbl!” Homer’s mouth was stuck closed gummed up with sticky candy. He tried to pull out his candy apple but it was stuck in his pocket.

“He’s saying he’ll kill us one at a time unless we answer his demands!” said a man.

Homer shook his head and jabbered trying to talk with his mouth gummed up by the sticky candy.

“He says he wants a million dollars in cash, now!” said a cop lying on the floor.

Homer was about to protest but stopped and nodded in agreement.

A cop tasered him. He screamed and fell over.

A cop pulled out his candy apple.

“This isn’t a gun! It’s a candy apple!” said the cop.

Homer mumbled trying to speak from the sticky candy gumming up his mouth.

“He says taser him again! Go right for where the meat is!” The cops taser Homer’s belly.

Homer screamed.

”Wait why are picking on him?! This suspect is white!” said a cop. Because it’s not 2020 yet so you’re not extremely racist yet...


In court Homer was sentenced by Judge Constance Harm.

“Well, well... we meet again Simpson...” said Judge Constance Harm as she made a fist gesture but with her hammer. “For causing panic in a bank with a carnival food full of calories and lethal amounts of cavity causing sugar... I sentence you to fifty hours of community service!” said Judge Constance Harm.

“Fifty hours community service! Awwww! Can’t it be a prison sentence? A small or large fine? Please! I’ll do anything but not community service! The community and I don’t get on well!” Homer cried as he was dragged out.

“Next case, Tai Kamiya for aggravated assault at a children’s birthday party because some kid said Digimon looks like crap...” said Judge Constance Harm.

“You take that back!” Tai yelled.

“I sentence you to anger management class!” said Judge Constance Harm.

“Anger management class?! Why not juvie?!” Tai whined.

“Anger management class!” said Judge Constance Harm.

“No I want to go to juvie! Free food! Tear drop tattoos! Library books that come to you! Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasseeee!” Tai whined.

Judge Constance Harm sighed.

“I wonder how my boys are doing...” she asked.


Wiggum was in his patrol car on duty talking to his wife. “Yeah Wanna go to that seafood place? Oh... yeah I forgot you’re at your book club thing... well I’m on community service duty with the community service lot... yeah a real bunch of losers... see ya later sweetie... bye Pop n Fresh...” said Wiggum to his wife Sarah. “Wait I think I read that book! Can I sit with you at your book club? Oh, not enough chairs eh? Oh well you’ll know when I’m home, I’ll be passed out in front of the refrigerator...”

Wiggum got out to berate the community service people. “You people make me sick, the lot of you..” said Wiggum. Then he saw Homer had a lunchbox.

“What’s in the box Simpson?” Wiggum asked.

“My lunch.” said Homer. Inside the lunch box were loads of sandwiches.

“Ham parm, tree parm, shish ka parm, parm bread, angel food parm, eggplant parm... you name it my wife can parm it...” said Homer.

“Oh. My Sarah only parms on my birthday. And only when I make a sad puppy face, like this.” Wiggum makes a sad puppy face and whimpers.

“Awwwww! Do you want a bite?” Homer asked if Wiggum wanted a sandwich.

“Wow really?” Wiggum asked.

“Sure!” said Homer giving him a sandwich.

Wiggum took it and began eating it. “Okay places people! Brockman you will be digging condoms out of that bin full of needles bare handed! Herman you’ll be doing anything that requires someone with two hands and Krusty, you will be sorting those hobos over there by war they were in...” said Wiggum. “And Homer you will sir on this bench here and relax with me...” said Wiggum.

“Teacher’s pet!” said Krusty as he left.

“There! I have your nose Mr Funny man! No go and find it!” Wiggum threw the clown nose.

“I have cocaine in there! Awwwwww! I’ll be stuck for hours without cocaine...” Krusty whined.

Homer and Wiggum lies down and relaxed.

“So can you wear those cop trousers anywhere...” Homer asked Wiggum.

“Throw a jean jacket over them and you can even wear them to Subway!” said Wiggum.

Oscar eavesdropping on their conversation screamed in horror and ran away.


At Dylan’s birthday party Lisa, Hugo and Oscar were playing pass the parcel.

“Where’s Bart?” Marge asked starting the game of pass the parcel.

“Oh he’s playing Bakugan battle brawlers with his new friends...” said Lisa putting sarcasm on Bakugan battle brawlers.

“Hmmmmm! I really wish he wouldn’t get into every new popular Japanese cartoon...” Marge sighed.

“It’s anime you baka!” Oscar yelled in weeaboo. Baka is Japanese for idiot.

“Oscar stop acting like a weeaboo...” Lisa sighed.


Meanwhile Wiggum and Homer were still talking about pants and how Wiggum has to have his underwear specially made...

Eventually it was time to go. Wiggum wanted to have a few drinks with Homer.

“Well... do you know this place called Moe’s?” Homer asked.

“Uh duh! I arrested you there last week for being drunk and disorderly!” said Wiggum. “Plus our Dad’s were in the same regiment... uh the Flying Hell Fish or something. Pappy always jabbered about...” said Wiggum.

“Yeah I’m sorry for being such a jerk about it...” Homer sighed.

“Ah it wasn’t your fault... your team just lost and you were mad about it. It happens sometimes!” said Wiggum.

Homer then shook hands with his new friend and left. “Well I’ll be there! Five to eleven!” said Homer.

Plot 2[]

At Dylan’s Party the birthday um kid, Dylan was either a boy or Mia Farrow’s unfortunately masculine named daughter.

Oscar was still being a weeaboo and getting triggered every time someone said Japanese cartoons.

”It’s anime you Baka!” Oscar snapped.

”Enough! Animeboy...” said Lisa.

”Don’t use my original name!” Oscar yelled.

Bart and Hugo swapped activities.

”I have no idea why I’m getting into a Bakugan Battle Brawlers parody... Super heroes is more my thing.” said Bart.

”And as the boy nerd of the family, anime things like trading cards and Bakugan should interest me.” said Hugo. He sat down to take interest in the Bakugan Battle Brawler parody.

Bart got our from his backpack his Bartman mask and Cape and put it on. He went off to fight with the boys playing super heroes.


Elsewhere Homer bonded with his new friend Wiggum. It was boring,,, Zzzzz.

Meanwhile Bart went to school where Bakugan battle brawlers was now a thing amongst his friends somehow.

“Hey Bart you introduced us to an obscure trend when you went to some kid’s birthday party! Bakugan is a hit now!” said Milhouse.

“I bet you don’t have all the cards! Because stink again lame wad! Ralph just got platinum lava genie!” said Nelson.

“My not dead grandma sent it from Tokyo.” said Ralph.

Bart went to play with Ralph. “I’ll play you for your platinum lava genie.”

“Okay but if I win, you have to teach me how to play!”

“Ralph... if you win you’re clearly the more experienced player and you don’t need to me to teach you...” said Bart.

“Mmmmhmmm!” Ralph shook his head adamant Bart agree to his terms.

Bart sighed.

“And I thought I was the only one....” Yuya Sakaki from Yugioh Arc V sighed as Sora Perse giggled and followed him calling him sensei. “Sora if I duel you and you win you clearly don’t need me to teach you... you’re clearly the more experienced player...”

“Nope! Those are my terms! Lalalala!” said Sora being silly.

And nope unlike canon no one is stupid enough to mistake Bart’s new hobby for drugs.

“Nothing Principal Skinner. Just Bart and his friends playing Bakugan battle brawlers...” Martin sighed.

“Damn it! Nothing shady to investigate! Ooooh Bart! I know your planning something!” Skinner ranted. “Why does every new trend end up here... even the weird Japanese ones with the cartoon characters with outrageous coloured hair and punk hairdos...”

Otto came in.

“Principal Skin- oooooh...” Otto saw Skinner was dressed up as an injection needle.

“Ah I see you have seen my costume for vaccine awareness month especially important to teach all those anti vaxxer parents coming out of the woodwork.” said Skinner.

“Dude... are you Heroin?” Otto asked.

“No Otto I am not Heroin... I am a BCG vaccine...” said Skinner. “Now get back to work...”

Bart was continuing to play Bakugan battle brawlers with Ralph. While talking to his friends.

“Ralph’s had a lot of worries lately like worrying if the bed will wet him...” said Bart.

“In Soviet Russia, bed wets you!” said Ralph.

“And that time he was worried about what if Superman went on a rampage and killed everyone...” best random non sequitur ever!

“And that time he had a nightmare about cartoon trees trying to cut him in half with saws...” said Lisa.

“In Soviet Russia, trees saw you!” said Ralph.

Martin was still spying. Jimbo and his gang were clearly doing something sinister as Jimbo passed Kerne a little bag of green stuff...

“Wait I’m getting something sir! Uh could it be narcotics being traded?!” Martin asked Skinner.

“How should I know?! I live with my over protective and very strict mother!” said Skinner.

“Ach! Sir can I have a raise?” Willie asked.

“No Willie...” Skinner sighed.


Meanwhile Homer and Wiggum continue to hang out and Er given the season 11 to 20 cameos Oscar dies, again after getting ran over.

He wakes up in an ice cream parlour.

“What flavour would you like kid? We have more flavours than Baskin Robbins...” said an ice cream parlour Guy.

“Rocky road.” said Oscar. “I got ran over, why am I here?”

“Oh this is just some comfort to hide the fact that Uh you know you passed on...”

“I’m dead?!” Oscar cried.

“I’m afraid so.” said the ice cream man.

“But where is Saint Peter? And the angels and pearly gates??” Oscar asked.

“Oh up there.” said the ice cream parlour guy driving a car up to a big cloud with heaven on it. “But first, there’s a new thing, you have to go through heavenly court first. This is your heavenly lawyer.” They parked up on Heaven’s cloud and a hot lady lawyer was assigned as Oscar’s heaven lawyer to defend him in afterlife judgement of his deeds.

“Oooooh she hot... but isn’t there an angel Lionel Hutz?” Oscar asked.

“Uh no, he’s still alive even though his voice actor died in real life.” said Ice cream parlour Guy.

Oscar went with his lawyer to heaven court. Saying hi to the gay angel along the way and dead Steve Smith as he rode a unicorn with ass burgers and a Virgin lady riding with him.

However in court, opposing Oscar as prosecution’s lawyer was a baby angel with blond hair in a diaper called Scott. He acted very uppity to Oscar and his lawyer.

“Oh no it’s Scott...” said Oscar’s hot lady lawyer.

“He’s a baby?! They made a baby a lawyer?!” Oscar asked.

“He’s a cherub... cherubs can have jobs in heaven too...” said Oscar’s lawyer.

“Ugh! Why does everyone think I’m a baby?!” Scott whined.

“Because you’re small and you’re wearing a diaper...” said Oscar.

“Would you rather I be naked?! Because I can go Renaissance!” Scott yelled.

“Eeeew! No! Those artists are weird! Painting naked children?! Are they pedos or something?!” Oscar yelled.

“Silence in heavenly court!” The angel judge yelled.

“Hey Scott do you... Er mess your diapers...” Oscar asked the cherub lawyer.

“No! That’s disgusting! Just because I look like an infant doesn’t mean I act like one!” Scott yelled.

“Awww come on! Poop your diaper! It’ll be hilarious!” Oscar giggled.

“No!” Scott the cherub yelled.

“Fine... I’ll make you... How now, Brown in bowel, out now!” Oscar casted magic at Scott zapping him with his wand. Scott grimaced as his stomach gurgled and he messed his diaper with a cartoon splat.

“I need my diapee changed!” Scott whined.

“Hehehe! Eeeeew! Poopy baby!” Oscar giggled.

Oscar’s punishment was to spend eternity as a cherub. He actually found this to be paradise as he flew about as a baby angel in a diaper.

Oscar gurgled as he flew about.

Scott was writing on a scroll with a quill when he smelt Oscar’s diaper. “Eeeeew!” he groaned.

Then a green cartoon bear cub sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny green nose.

“Ugh! He’s not gonna stop is he?” Scott whined.

“Nope...” said Oscar.

Scott grimaced and squirmed as the curious bear cub sniffed his diaper with his big wet shiny green nose.

Oscar gurgled as a green cartoon bear cub with a big wet shiny green nose sniffed his diaper. He floated about flapping his wings.


Marge had a parents evening with Skinner.

“Mrs Simpson perhaps you are aware of your son’s recent interest in Bakugan Battle Brawlers...” said Skinner.

“Yes every kid is into it. Even the social outcasts who have no idea of the latest trends are into it...” said Marge.

“Well, he seems very addicted to this new hobby. And another thing that’s addictive is drugs...” said Skinner. “Several fifth graders were witnessed trading drugs on school property. So we’ve asked parents everywhere to pry into their children’s lives, go through their rooms etc.”

“Wouldn’t it be simpler to expel the kids found with the drugs?” said Marge.

“Yes but this way we can route out and nip in the bud early any other potential drug pushers...” said Skinner. “For all we know our wannabe drug barons may already have made Bart a drug mule...”

”That’s imposssible. My nephew doesn’t have the maths skills to be involved in drugs...” said James Bouvier.

“Nonsense! Absolute nonsense!” said Marge. “Bart has never taken or been involved in any drugs except Focusyn, Ritalin, lithium and Zoloft!”

“Uh what was that last one?” Skinner asked.

“Zoloft.” said Marge.

Skinner laughed. “Ohohoho! Mrs Simpson! That’s an antidepressant! It causes abnormal sexual behaviour!” I thought it was kitchen floor perfume. No wait that’s zoflora!

Marge gasped.

At home.

Oscar noticed Bart’s Zoloft gave him a boner.

“Ha! Boner!” Oscar laughed. Um he came back to life.

Bart blushed and tried to push down his dingus.


Marge went home as quickly as she could and just to reassure herself that Bart wasn’t holding drugs for school friends.

She heard him in the basement.

”Wow this is product is unbelievable!”

”Yeah it’s imported.” said Milhouse.

Marge gasped her dramatic gasp. Then Maggie threw one of blocks inside her mouth. Marge choked and coughed up the block.

Oscar laughed.

Then she went through all his things. She then gasped when she found a small clear bag of white powder... she put some on her tongue to taste it. Does coke taste like something? Then she noticed Bart labelled the bag. It was labelled itching powder.

Marge suddenly had an itchy tongue.

“Mom did you try to eat my itching powder?!” Bart asked bemused.

“Oooooh... that’s what that is...” said Marge. “Bart... what were you doing in the basement with Milhouse?”

“Playing Bakugan battle brawlers.” said Bart.

“Oh...” said Marge.

“Mom are you alright?” Bart asked.

“Your principal caught some older boys with drugs. The didn’t try to give you any did they?” Marge asked.

“No! They think I’m a dweeb! They’re not interested in me... and besides even if they did I’d say no! Because drugs are for losers!” said Bart.

“Oh sweetie! I’m so proud of you!” Marge hugging him.


Meanwhile Homer and Wiggum became the best of friends. Now it was time for Wiggum to be nice to Homer.

“Everyone says I’m fat and overweight...” said Homer.

“You overweight?! Naaaah! You’re in great shape Homer! Now I have to get my underwear personally made by a remote Ukraine village! Daddy Round Round, they call me. Here’s a Christmas card they sent me.” said Wiggum. There was a picture of Ukraine people in a remote village all inside a giant pair of white underpants.

Homer and his new friend went to the breakfast bar to have early breakfast with all the cops.

“Wooooow! I’m having breakfast with all the cops...” said Homer.

“Hey three cheers to the Chief and his new friend! Hip hip hooray!” said Lou. All the cops cheer.

“Now wait a minute guys! Homer is just a non violent perp who I just happened to be friends with! I don’t want everyone thinking I’m going soft! Especially Fat Tony.” said Wiggum.

Then Homer and Wiggum had fried chicken together. Mmmmmm! Fried chicken...

They then looked at the stars.

“That’s the Big Dipper. That’s a power star from Mario, that constellation looks like a Star of David... and that’s the Great bear and the little bear.” said Homer.

“Stars are sugar from God’s donuts...” said Wiggum.

“I could go for some donuts...” said Homer.

Snake ruined their tender moment asking to go to toilet.

“Dudes! I need the bathroom!” said a Snake from the back of the police car,

“Oh thanks Jailbird! Not only do I have you on a count of burglary now I have you on a count of killing this tender moment with my new friend!”

Plot 3[]

At Home.

Marge was relieved Bart wasn’t doing drugs.

”Of course not. Not till you raise my allowance...” Bart replied. Marge gave him a hard look. “Just kidding! I didn’t Star in that huge crossover Drug PSA with Bugs Bunny and Alvin and the Chipmunks for nothing Mom. Say no to drugs!”

They hugged, D’aaaaaawwwwww!”

Marge admired a snowman Bakugan that fired bullets out of its eyes. “Oh how cute! This is going on the Christmas tree!”

”Nnnnnngh! They’re no fun if Moms like them...” Bart groaned.

In town. Homer rode in the police car with his new friend Wiggum.

”No Homer! You just put yourself on Amber Alert!” Wiggum yelled. Suddenly electronic billboards had warning posters of Homer. Amber Alert is used to warn people of dangerous pedophiles.

Homer and Wiggum hid as people gasped at them.

At Home.

Lisa walked Past the bathroom and heard this...

“Oh. Come on, toilet. If you can handle Dad, you can handle this.” Bart was heard from the bathroom as he flushed things.

”Eeeeeeew!” Lisa groaned.

In the attic.

”I want you tell me a story about Babe Ruth meeting Hitler but it can’t be about baseball or Germany...” said Oscar.

Hugo sighed...

“So this is the St. Elmo's Fire reunion that Andrew McCarthy himself was going to attend.” Jurkle sounded to Lisa who was on the landing, annoyed at either Oz or Hugo.

”No Jurkle I said I was going to the Vatican with Big Bird to watch Elmo get canonised to a Saint....” said Oscar.

”Oz for the last time! Elmo is not really a saint! That’s a band named after plasma based weather phenomena often mistaken for ball lightning...” Hugo groaned.