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Cheaper by the Half Dozen Bart has head lice! Marge and Homer go to the spa, Lisa loses her shoes and and Maggie gets possessed by demons! Probably while staying over at the Flanders.

Plot[]

Marge is getting everyone ready for school. It's photo day.

"Bart! No Dracula fangs!" said Marge as Bart was wearing fake fangs.

"But they told us to wear them!" said Bart.

"No they didn't!" Marge scolded him.

"Ace gets to..." Bart groaned.

"Bart those are his real teeth. He's an actual vampire, like you were that one Halloween." said Oscar.

Lisa had a kick me sign on her back.

“Huh?” Marge saw it and removed the sign taped to Lisa. “And don't put signs on your sister!” Marge told him off. “And the same goes for you Oscar and your sister! And you too Mudboy!” She saw Oscar had taped a Kick Me sign to Bigmouth Tamaki and Mudboy had wrote Kick Me on Mud Girl’s back.

Oscar and Mudboy groaned.

“Now, keep the lettuce separate until 11:30. That way, the lettuce stays moist and the bread stays“ said Marge to the kids.

”Thanks Mom!” said Lisa.

Homer came in whimpering.

“Marge! There's a spider near my car keys!” Homer cried.

Oscar laughed at him being frightened of spiders.

“Oz house spiders in America are deadly...” said Lisa.

“You did the right thing by telling me.” said Marge. There was for some amusing reason a giant spider near the table where Homer left his car keys.

”Shoo.! Get outta here.!“ Marge smacked it with a rolled up newspaper.

The giant spider hissed.

“That's better.“ said Marge as the giant man eating spider retreated.

Marge saw Bart was scratching himself.

"Bart stop scratching! Have you got fleas or something?" Marge told Bart off for scratching himself.

"I don't know, I haven't felt right since Milhouse showed me his pet monkey..." said Bart. He has a dream sequence where he was at Milhouse's with a capuchin monkey crawling on him.

....

“It came in this wicker basket Dad brought back!" said Milhouse. "Of course he was unconscious at first until we nursed him back to life."

The flashback ended.

........

Marge checked Bart with a comb. When she saw lice leaping about and chirping she screamed. "Naaaaagh! Head lice!"

"How does a kid in this day and age get headlice?" Lisa asked.

"D'oh! Must have been that monkey! Eeeeew! I can't have lice!" Bart groaned.

"Well you certainly can't attend photo day with lice Bart! We might get social services on our case! You'll have to stay at home until I get rid of them!" said Marge.

Homer upon hearing social services mentioned dropped his newspaper. "You're mother's right. You'll have to miss school today. I'm sorry but that's just that."

"Uh Dad I hate school. I love the idea of having the day off! Woohoo!" said Bart.

Lisa grumbled in disapproval. "Enjoy your day off Bart..."

Lisa went to school.

"I'm sorry Homer but this means we'll have to postpone our day at the spa!" said Marge.

Homer groaned. "D'ooohh! Why you Little!"

"Homer! Besides I don't think we could go anyway given that Maggie has been acting rather weird lately.

Maggie rotated her head 360 degrees repeatedly and slowly like the girl from the Exorcist.

Bart screamed at this sight.

"How be we just take the filthy little monkey to Dr Hibbert, he'll clean him right up." said Homer. "The other

"No, we don't want anyone spreading the news in case they find about, our little secret...!" Marge whispered.

"Oh yeah." said Homer.

Bart eyed his parents with suspicion. What little secret?

"Ned knows all about parasites and plagues. I'll take Bart to see him." said Marge.

...

Marge took Bart over to Ned's.

"Great googily moogily! It's the second coming of the plagues of Egypt!" said Ned.

"No it's just lice Ned..." said Marge.

"Lice eh? Well first up, out of those clothes young man!" said Ned.

Ned had Bart's clothes burnt and gave him some spare clothes Rod didn't wear anymore.

"Put these on after your bath." said Maude.

"Bath?" Bart asked. The Flanders gave him a bath. It was very embarrassing.

"Ugh. Maybe this day off isn't working out as swell as I hoped!" Bart groaned as Ned scrubbed his hair thoroughly.

After his bath, he got dressed. And got bored by Rod and Todd's Christian approved board games.

”Iron helps us play!” said Todd.

Bart winced as he wore a turban.

”Sim! Sim! Allabim!” Oscar copied the Indian kid from Johnny Quest.

Meanwhile Marge phoned Homer to feed the thing in the attic his lunch. Homer sighed and took a bucket of fish heads up to the attic. He could be heard giggling as something monsterous was ravenously eating.

.........

Elsewhere some bullies were picking on Lisa by taking her shoes and playing keep away with them.

"Keep away! Keep away!" said the bullies. Lisa's shoes ended up in the mud.

Skinner had Willie put bin bags around her feet.

Marge wasn't happy when Lisa got home.

"I'm having words with that school! Can't even go to school without horrible bullies stealing shoes!" said Marge. "But for now we're spending the evening at Ned's while he helps out with a Bart's head lice."

"He still hasn't had that sorted out?!" Lisa asked.

"Oh he has sweetie! But now he's helping with Maggie..." said Marge.

Ned and Maude were over seeing Maggie who now had a green scabby face and was growling and cursing while rotating her head 360 degrees repeatedly.

"Oh my lord!" Ned gasped.

He started reading from the bible.

"Shove it up your ass you worthless piece of shit! Aaaaaaaghhhh!" yelled possessed Maggie. She had a long black tongue and was wagging it and hissing.

"Oh Neddy!" Maude gasped.

"Come on Maude we have to save this little girl!" said Ned.

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell!!" Maggie yelled.

Ned started sprinkling her with holy water. "Begone from this child foul demon!" shouted Ned.

Maggie puked green vomit everywhere.

"Okay that didn't work..." said Ned covered in green vomit.

After he got cleaned up the exorcism continued except the entity controlling Maggie spoke.

"There is no Maggie, only Zuul!" said a deep voice from Maggie.

"Now come on on Maggie you've got to fight this sweetie!" said Maude.

"There is no Maggie you stupid bitch! Only Zuul!" Zuul shouted. Maggie then growled and floated out of her crib and rotated about dislocating her joints while breathing fire.

"Oh dear Neddy! We'll have to baptise her!" said Maude.

The Flanderses took the Simpson kids to be baptised. However Maggie got out of her baby seat and leered evilly at Bart and Lisa who were in the back with Rod and Todd and rotated her head 360 degrees repeatedly.

Bart, Lisa and Rod and Todd screamed.

Maggie as Zuul laughed evilly with a deep demonic voice.

Homer found out they were being baptised. "Noooooooo!" He screamed and drove after them.

The Flanders family and the Simpson kids and Oscar were dressed in white gowns to be baptised. First up was Bart.

Homer was furiously driving to the lake.

Bart waited as the water slowly fell towards his head but Homer knocked him out the way and got baptised.

Homer said something angelic.

"What was that Homer?" Ned asked.

"I said shut up stupid Flanders!" said Homer. "Now I'm taking my kids home!"

"Homer no! Maggie is still possessed! We need to get rid of the demon controlling her!" said Marge.

"Demons eh? Give me five minutes with them and I'll sort them out!" said Homer.

Homer took Zuul to Moe's where they drank beer together.

"So who's paying?" Moe asked.

Zuul roared at him and possessed him.

"Eh. Good luck running a bar Zuul..." said Homer going home.

“Oh nuts!” Zuul from inside Moe groaned.

...

However Zuul wasn't finished with the Simpsons. Marge was unpacking the groceries which included eggs and marshmallows. Suddenly the eggs cooked themselves in their shells and exploded.

Marge was alarmed by this.

Then the fridge glowed from within and a roaring could be heard. Marge looked inside to find a portal to another dimension with a pyramid with stairs to it and Zuul guarding the front.

"Zuuuuuul!" said Zuul.

Marge screamed and slammed the fridge door on him.

"Homer! There's a monster in the refrigerator!" Marge told him.

He sighed and got up from his football game marathon he was watching. He checked the fridge. Sure enough Zuul was still in there.

"Zuuuuuul!" said Zuul.

"Yeah, can you pass me a beer?" said Homer.

"Oh sure. Here you go mortal." said Zuul. Passing Homer a beer.

"And get your foot out of the potato salad!" Homer groaned to the fridge.

Zuul roared.

Homer went back to tell Marge he sorted out the monster in the refrigerator problem.

However the hauntings got worse. Bart was woken by his closet glowing green. He turned on his lights and went to check it.

"Zuul motherfucker!" Zuul roared.

Bart yelped and slammed the closet door shut on him.

"Ow! You son of a bitch! Ow!" Zuul whined.

Bart woke Oscar up.

"Oscar! There's a monster in the closet!" Bart was frightened.

"Don't listen to him! Just put your delicious brains back to sleep! Doo be Doo be Doo!" said Zuul.

Then the Simpsons were in the front lounge when demonic arms sprouted from the green arm chair and pinned Homer to the chair. He struggled and muffled for help.

The Simpsons screamed.

Oscar fainted from a terror induced heart attack.

Zuul then telekinetically moved the green chair and Homer into the kitchen.

Homer came back in possessed.

”Homer are you alright?” Marge asked.

”There is no Homer, only Zuul!” said Homer.

The Simpsons managed to revive Oscar but he was catatonic with fear.

"That scene from Ghostbusters where Dana gets grabbed by those arms really traumatized him Mom." Lisa explained.

The Simpsons dropped Oscar off at the hospital so he could recover. Then they dropped the kids off at Patty and Selma’s.

“Stupid possessed house! I can’t get rid of a demon, I can’t raise three kids! I can’t even keep a house plant alive! said Homer addressing a dead house plant in the hall. “Why you lousy excuse for a house plant!” Homer strangled the house plant somehow. Shaking it until all its leaves fell off. “Oh...” Homer sighed.

Plot 2[]

Then Homer went through his kids things.

“Oh! How I miss Lisa playing her Saxomophone...” said Homer mispronouncing Saxophone. He tried to play it by saying Saxomophone down it repeatedly to the tune of Beethoven’s most famous movement.

“Saxamophone... Saxamophone...”

Oh Homie...” said Marge.

Zuul laughed evilly.

“Damn you! You accursed Demom!” Homer yelled.

Then Homer was tormented by increasingly annoying visitors to the door.

First up was Ned.

“Well hi diddly ho Neighbourino!” said Ned in a friendly manner.

“Shut up stupid Flanders!” said Homer slamming the door on him.

Then Death was at the door.

“I am death!” said Death holding his scythe.

“Death? We don’t want it.” said Homer slamming the door on him.

Then Cletus the yokel was at the door.

“Hey there fancy city folks!” said Cletus.

“Why you cotton picking!” Homer growled and strangled him.

Then social services were at the door.

“Mr and Mrs Simpson we’re from social services about an anonymous tip off about a child locked in your attic-“ said the social services workers. But Oscar shot them dead with his shotgun.

Then an Oscar from the future appeared.

“Agh! Two Oscars!” Homer screamed.

“Are you me?” Oscar asked.

“Yes I’m you from the future Einstein! Here to warn you not to kill the social services people!!” Future Oscar yelled.

“Why?! Homer and Marge haven’t done anything wrong!” said Oscar.

“Yes they have! They locked poor Hugo up in the attic!” Future Oscar yelled.

”Hey quit spoiling future episodes!” Homer yelled.

...

With the kids over at their aunts, Marge and Homer took their spa day.

“Now that we're alone, Papa Bear has a little honey for his Mama Bear.” said Homer caressing his wife whom he loved deeply. Marge giggled.

We pan over to Teddy, Oscar’s living teddy bear creature grimacing exasperated or disgusted.

”For the love of Isotopes Oz! Stop having a smart alecky response for everything I say!” Homer yelled. “And take your pet Teddy bear with you!”

Marge read a coupon.

"Good for a three-hour getaway at the Mingled Waters Health Spa?” she read. “Mineral bath? Facial massage? How did you afford these?”

“Oh, never you mind.” Homer chuckled and kissed his wife.

There’s a funny cutaway where Homer got the coupons free by trying out a fancy posh car advertised by a British guy.

”What advantages does this motorcar have... over, say, a train? Which I could also afford.“ Homer wearing a monocle asked.

“Well, you'll notice how the heated gas pedal warms your feet while-“ said the British guy as they sped off in the car. “Gently massages your buttocks.” He continued when they arrived back at the garage. “Well, Count Homer, shall we discuss the-“

“No, we shan't. Yoink!” Homer took the coupons and fled. His monocle spun in the air....

“Homie, this is so sweet. But I can't possibly go now. The sink is full of dirty dishes... the trash needs to be taken out, the living room is a mess-“ The house was messy in canon and they got in trouble with Social services/CPS.

“Oh, we'll clean up this afternoon.” said Homer.

“What about Maggie?“ Marge asked.

We cut to Patty and Selma’s flat.

”Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!” Maggie possessed by a demon yelled.

Patty and Selma winced.

I like that she’s possessed this episode.

“And Bart’s head lice infestation!” said Marge.

“See you in hell, you wingless bloodsuckers.“ said Ned scrubbing Bart’s hair with lice killing shampoo. Bart had his eyes closed to avoid getting shampoo in them.

Ace the vampire kid hissed and bared his fangs in a threatening manner.

”Oz for the love of- Why is Ace here?!” Bart yelled.

Um it’s a vampire gag...

“Come on, honey. You work yourself stupid for this family.” said Homer to Marge. “If anyone deserves to be wrapped up in seaweed and buried in mud, it's you.”

Mudboy moaned aroused.

”Oz give me and my wife some space!!” Homer yelled.

“Mmm. Well, all right. But I'm taking some of the ironing with me in the car.” said Marge. XD!

And so they went to a spa. Basically mud baths and saunas and massages. Aaahhhhh..

Elsewhere in canon during photo day Nelson was embarrassed that his absent father came back to see to it he was dressed smart for photo day. He was wearing dorky clothes they sell in Wee Monsieurs.

”Nelson you look adorable!” said Mrs Muntz. Who is not neglectful and drunk yet....

”I feel like punching myself....” Nelson groaned.

Bart had lice and got his parents in trouble in canon. He didn’t attend in fanon.

Milhouse was pale and shivering extremely unwell.

”Oh my goodness!” said Mrs Krabappel.

”Well, I’m actually not qualified medically to diagnose.” said Lunch Lady Doris as the nurse because to save money they sacked the school nurse and had Doris do two jobs. “But I can say that boy ain’t right...” She smoked a cigarette.

Milhouse fainted.

Patty and Selma sent Maggie over to Ned’s to sort her demonic possession.

Ned and Maude were over seeing Maggie who now had a green scabby face again and was growling and cursing while rotating her head 360 degrees repeatedly.

And I just copied and pasted a previous scene. Deal with it...

"Oh my lord!" Ned gasped.

He started reading from the bible.

"Shove it up your ass you worthless piece of shit! Aaaaaaaghhhh!" yelled possessed Maggie. She had a long black tongue and was wagging it and hissing.

"Oh Neddy!" Maude gasped.

”Silence!” A priest flicked a breath mint into Maggie’s mouth.

”Mmmmm!” Demon possessed Maggie liked the mint and chewed it.

"Come on Maude we have to save this little girl!" said Ned.

"Your mother sucks cocks in hell!!" Maggie yelled.

Ned started sprinkling her with holy water. "Begone from this child foul demon!" shouted Ned.

Maggie puked green vomit everywhere.

"Okay that didn't work..." said Ned covered in green vomit.

After he got cleaned up the exorcism continued except the entity controlling Maggie spoke.

"There is no Maggie, only Zuul!" said a deep voice from Maggie.

"Now come on on Maggie you've got to fight this sweetie!" said Maude.

"There is no Maggie you stupid bitch! Only Zuul!" Zuul shouted. Maggie then growled and floated out of her crib and rotated about dislocating her joints while breathing fire.

"Oh dear Neddy! We'll have to baptise her!" said Maude.

”Fat chance. Her obese father will only interrupt it again! Now where was I? Oh the good lord who sent his only son to die for love! And got that unholy bitch Gerri kicked off of Survivor...” Ned flicked holy water at Maggie.

”Your mother is in here with me Ned. If you’d like to leave a message I’ll make sure that she gets it...” said Maggie possessed.

”Yes Mom! Can you get outta there please!” Ned yelled.

Agnes Flanders pulled back the bedsheets and got out of the bed Maggie was in. “You’re no fun!” She’s also called Mona and sometimes Carol for some reason.

”Mom this is important! I’m working!” Ned whined.

”See you later Mrs Flanders....” said Maggie as Agnes left.

”Now where was I? Ah yes. The power if Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of-“

“Mary had a little lamb! Little lamb! Little lamb! Mary had a little lamb- BUT I ATE HER!!” The demon inside Maggie sang sweetly in a little girl’s voice before roaring that he ate Mary or her lamb.

”Look just shut up you vile fiend and get out of that helpless little girl!” Ned snapped.

Maggie hissed and rotated her head 360 degrees repeatedly.

...

Then Marge and Homer did get in trouble with CPS after all.

While they were at the spa CPS visited and Ned unable to deal with Maggie’s demon trolling him gave her to Abe to look after.

“Whoa. Would you look at this place? Sink full of dirty dishes. Trash not taken out. Living room a mess. Stacks of old newspapers from 20 years ago.” said the Male CPS social worker.

(Announcer) “Get ready, gamblers, for the World Series of Dog Racing.”

”Aaaaaagh! Evil gambling!” His female coworker screamed waking Grampa.

“What the- But I-“ Grampa stuttered.

”Hmm. A disheveled and malnourished man found sleeping in his own filth. Seems confused and dehydrated.“ said the lady CPS worker.

”Where's the baby?“ asked her colleague.

“Well, that's her, ain't it? Kids love that water.” said Grampa. Maggie was trying to drown herself in the fish tank.

”Oh, my lord!“ said the lady CPS worker. Maggie had a sign taped to her reading Stupid Baby. Bart somehow got home and taped it to her.

“Stupid babies need the most attention.” said the Male CPS worker.

”Shut the fuck up you stupid bitch!” Maggie yelled in a demonic voice.

”Apparently this baby is being controlled by some sort of entity but personally I’ve always found the supernatural to be mumbo jumbo...” said the Male CPS worker.

”Fuck you!” Maggie’s demon yelled. “Can someone change my vessel? I’m getting a diaper rash...” said the deep voiced demon embarrassed.

”Dog on the kitchen table?!” The lady CPS worker gasped because Santa’s Little Helper was stood on the kitchen table eating leftover food.

”A child locked up in the attic?!” Her colleague gasped. Hugo sat in the attic glared at them.

Homer and Marge came home.

”Hey! Who let you out of the attic?! And gave you food?!” Homer yelled at Hugo who was eating a sandwich.

”Ahem.” The CPS were cross.

”Uh oh...” said Homer.

”Guys can you wait till season 8... I’m trying to do an exorcist story here...” Oscar sighed.

”Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” Demon possessed Maggie yelled.

And so they left to come back in season 8.

Dark Teddy was getting something from the fridge.

Zuul was in there again.

”Zuuuuuuul!”

”WHAT THE?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE!?” Dark Teddy yelled like Moxxie.

Oscar arrived. “Hey Dark Teddy what you yelling at- He looked in the fridge. “Peter get out of the fridge...”

”There is no Peter...” only Zuul...” said Peter Griffin.

”Peter get out!” Oscar yelled.

Peter Griffin got out of the fridge. “You’re no fun...”

”He was in there too?!” Dark Teddy yelled.

But this little scenario wasn’t finished. Sam and Max arrived.

”Oh my goodness! Celery!” Sam yelled and fired a rocket launcher at the fridge.

”Why did you do that?!” Oscar yelled.

The fridge was blown up except for a piece of celery that survived.

Plot 3[]

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