Simpsons Fanon

Cape Feare Bart starts receiving violent letters threatening him written in blood and Sideshow Bob is granted parole...


The Simpsons are watching McBain.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it's Up Late With McBain.” said a Nazi. “I'm your announcer, Obergruppenfuehrer Wolfcastle.”

“Agggghhhhh! Nazis!” Oscar and Jurkle screamed.

Homer rolled his eyes. “I missed what he said...’ he rewinds the TV.

“And here's McBain!” said the Nazi relative of Rainer Wolfcastle.


“Ja. Thank you Pa. Ja.” Rainer thanked his Nazi Dad/Uncle. “That's nice. Let's say hello to my music guy, Scoey.” Rainer introduces his music guy.

(Applause, Whooping)

“That is some outfit, Scoey. It makes you look like a homosexual.” said Rainer. Oh dear...

(Booing) People jeer angrily.

“Oh. Maybe you all are homosexuals too.” said Rainer in character as McBain


“This is horrible. The Fox network has sunk to a new low.” Lisa said annoyed and disgusted.

The mail arrives. “This one’s for Lisa.” Homer gives Lisa her letter.

“Oh it’s from my pen pal! Anya! I wonder how she’s doing?” said Lisa. She opened the letter and read it.

“Dearest Lisa, as I write this I am very sad. Our president has been overthrown! (A male voice narrates the rest of the letter) And replaced by the benevolent General Krull! All hail Krull and his glorious regime!

Signed Little Girl.” said the letter as Lisa read it.

“Oh...” Lisa said in disgust as the letter had obviously been altered by Krull’s men.

"Hey, this one' for Bart!" says Homer.

"Oh! Gimme!" says Bart pondering who sent him a letter. He opens it and screams in horror dropping it and running away.

"Whooo, boy someone must really hate you..." Homer remarks as he reads the letter. It says "DIE BART, DIE!" In blood writing.

In Springfield Penitentiary in a darkened cell, someone is pricking his own finger and smearing his bloody finger to write a letter in blood.

Bart unnerved watches Itchy and Scratchy with Lisa and Oscar.

It was the Goldfinger based episode where Scratchy is manacled to a table and a laser cuts towards him.

He screams. “Do you expect me to talk?”

”No Scratchy! I expect you to die! Hehehehe!” said Itchy.

Scratchy died horribly as usual. Sliced up by the laser.

Lisa laughed because she had an odd sense of humour in the older episodes. But she noticed Bart wasn’t laughing. He was unnerved and upset by something.

”Bart you’re not laughing...” said Lisa.

Over the week Bart receives similar letters, all in blood writing. The family gather in the kitchen.

"Who would do such a horrible thing to a little boy?!" Marge gasps.

”I know! It’s sick! That would freak me out too.” said Oscar.

"Hey this one isn't written in blood, but marker pen." Lisa points at a different letter reading "I'LL KILL YOU, SCUM!"

"Uh, I wrote that one, after Bart wrote this on my butt." Homer explains pulling down his pants. His butt says "Wide Load" written in permanent marker. Everyone bursts out laughing.

"Hehehehe! Ahem! But seriously Homer, that's not funny threatening Bart like that..." Oscar is the first to stop laughing to explain the seriousness of the threatening letters.

”Someone tried to eat this one...” said Marge as one of the letters had been chewed.

”Yeah. That was me. I’m a vampire... Mmmmmm! Wasted iron...” said Ace.

Bart winced.

"We still don't know who wrote them." Lisa explained.

"I have a feeling who it is..." Bart says quivering. “But why would anyone want to hurt me?! I’m this century’s Dennis the Menace!”

“Bart, Dennis the Menace comics are not that old...” said Lisa.

Nelson laughed at the window. “Haw Haw!”

"I have a feeling it is someone who hates Bart." Oscar commented. "Someone bearing a grudge against him..."

”I have a feeling who it is...” said Bart unnerved.

”Well I say it’s always the one you least expect.” said Homer winking.

”Yeah, good one Dad...” said Lisa.

”Matlock will help us! I bet it was that evil Gavin MacLeod or George "Goober" Lindsey.“ said Grampa.

”Grampa, Matlock isn’t real...” said Lisa.

”Neither are my teeth but I can still eat corn, if someone cuts it off of the cob and grinds it into a soft paste. Now that’s good eating!” said Grampa.


Meanwhile at Springfield State Penitentiary. Sideshow Bob is writing another threatening letter with his blood, then he writes a to do list, however he faints from blood loss part the way through.

"Use a pen, Sideshow Bob!" Snake says to him annoyed by his insistence in using his own blood.


Sideshow Bob is granted parole. However the board is a little concerned about his tattoo.

"Doesn't your tattoo say Die Bart, Die?" Asks a parole member.

"No! It's German for: The Bart, The." Sideshow Bob explains.


"No one who speaks German could be evil..." Um...

He then complained about the inhuman conditions of the prison. “The prison book club consists of other inmates clubbing me with books! These marks are from copies of To Kill a Mockingbird. Believe me reading it was more painful than the bruises.” said Bob with square bruises all over him from books being smacked on him.

“And these shower sandals are too small for my feet and do not do a good job of keeping the algae off of them!” He shows some sandals for the showers that are too small for his big feet. He also shows his foot that has slimy algae on the bottom of his foot. “Plus I dropped the soap in the shower once and Bubba violated me in his cell!”

A big muscular black prisoner made bedroom eyes at Sideshow Bob and blew a kiss at him. Sideshow Bob shivered in disgust.


However Sideshow Bob's ex-wife, Selma Bouvier is seen among the jury.

"Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon!" she declared.

People gasped.

"How many of you are thinking about killing her right now?" Asks Sideshow Bob's lawyer, the blue haired lawyer. "Come on, be honest..." most of the jury put up their hands.

Sideshow Bob is eventually released.


Things get worse for Bart. He is woken up one morning with a threatening message and a musical request from Dr Demento.

“It’s time for more deeeeeementiaaa from Dr Demento! Nyahahahaha?” said Dr Demento.

Bart screamed.

”Bart stop screaming!” Homer yelled.

"This is a message for Bart Simpson, 'I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully!'" said either Dr Demento or one of his radio show partners/Disk Jockeys. The radio then starts playing a stock surfing song while Bart hides under his blanket in fear.

Bart then eventually gets up.

There was a note by the green living room phone. “Hey a note!” said Bart. This scene was exactly the same as in Homer the vigilante.

Marge took the note. It simply said “K”

”This episode was brought to you by the letter K.” said Oscar.

”Oz no!” Bart in his green pyjamas groaned.

”Sweetie you look unnerved. Is this about those violent letters?” Marge asked Bart.

”Those are still bothering me, but no this is something more urgent! Mom, Dr Demento is threatening me again!” said Bart.

Marge sighed. “I’ll sort this out. Go up and get dressed dear,”

Bart then went upstairs to get dressed for school.

Marge is cutting up coupons.

"Bart, I'm going to get you..." Marge sounds threatening in his paranoia. "Some ice cream from the store since I saved some money on these coupons!" Bart sighs in relief as he walked to the front door with Oscar.


On the way to school, Ned Flanders pops out wielding a Freddy Krueger glove. Bart cowers in fear.

"Say your prayers, young Simpson.. because the schools can't force you to like they should!" Ned says before once again it's just Bart's paranoia.

"Excuse me, Mr. Flanders," Oscar said. "Can you not brandish that glove at my friend? He is experiencing paranoia."

"That's some splendid topiary work, Ned!" says Maude as she brings out lemonade.

"Come on, Bart." Oscar called. "Let's hurry before we're late. "


At School Mrs Krabappel approaches Bart's desk and glares at him.

"Your going to be my murder victim Bart... in the school's production of Lizzie Borden! With Martin as Lizzy! Ha!"

"Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!" Martin says while dressed as a girl and wielding an axe.


At recess. Bart his hiding under the Jungle gym.

“I’ve asked about school,” said Milhouse. “Nelson’s threatening to yank down your shorts and Sherri and Terri are calling you fatty fatty fat fat, but no one is trying to kill you.”

“Well that’s a relief.” said a Bart getting up. Nelson immediately pulls his shorts down.

“Fatty fatty fat fat! Fatty fatty fat fat!” Sherri and Terri taunt him.


Bart was in his room cowering.

Lisa came up. “Bart! I think I know who’s sending you those death threats!” Lisa stopped to catch her breath. “Who have you been making prank phone calls to?”

“Linda Lavin?” Bart asked.

“No! Someone who didn’t deserve them!” said Lisa.

Oscar grimaced wondering why Bart was prank calling Linda Lavin.

Lisa used Bart’s house phone. She called Moe.

“Moe? It’s Lisa Simpson. I know what you’re up to so knock it off or else I’ll go to the cops!” Lisa scolded Moe for something. The death threats?

“Oh! Oh okay! I’m sorry!” Moe apologized then went in the back. There were men taking pandas out of shipping crates. “They’re on to us! Get them back in the crates!” They tried to get the giant pandas back in the crates. “You’re too slow! Gimme that! Allende! Allende!” He beat a stick on the crate to get the pandas to get inside.

Lisa out the phone down. “That should sort things out Bart. Unless you can think of anyone else.”

”Actually there is Lis.” said Bart.

”Who?” Lisa asked.

”Dr Demento.” Bart shivered.

”Oh of course! Your arch nemesis! It all makes sense!” said Lisa.


Bart makes his way home after school one day as fast as possible with Oscar walking him there and slams the door behind him.

"What's wrong Bart?" Marge asks.

"He's been cagey ever since those threatening letters..." Homer remarks.

”And Dr Demento’s morning messages and surfer music...” said Oscar.

"Well to take your mind off them we're all going to the cinema Bart. Your choice of film." Marge explains.

"Good idea." Oscar agreed.


While they're buying tickets Someone is watching from the shadows.

The Simpsons watch Itchy and Scratchy the Movie.

"Ugh! You've already seen this film Bart..." Lisa groans.

"Yeah but you ruined it by blanking me for the whole film." Bart explained. However part the way through the film someone with big hair sits in front of them.

"Hey palm tree head! Down in front!" Homer yells. The man then lights a cigar and smokes.

"Homer! Do something! He's not supposed to be smoking in here!" Marge murmured. "That man is so rude!"

The fumes make them cough. The man then begins laughing loudly.

"Ungh! And he's laughing too loud!" Bart groans.

"Not to mention, that guy looks familiar too!" Oscar added.

Homer is about to tell the man off, but sees something funny on the film as Scratchy screams while being killed horribly by Itchy. In his loud obnoxious laughter he shoves the man in front of them.

"Now really! That's quite enough!" Sideshow Bob yells at them revealing he was the annoying man.

"Aaaaaaaaaghhh! Sideshow Bob!" The kids scream.

"You wrote those horrible letters!" Bart yelled.

"Yes. I was the one who wrote you those letters!" Sideshow Bob explains.

"You awful, awful man! How dare you frighten my son with threatening letters! I demand you stay away from him or I'll report you to the cops!" Marge yells.

"Very well, Bart! Your mother can't protect you forever!" Sideshow Bob walks out of the film.

Plot 2[]

Marge and Homer go to visit Chief Wiggum.

“I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.” said Wiggum.

“I'm pretty sure there is.” said Marge annoyed.

“Ha! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle--“ said Wiggum.

“Uh, hey, she's right, Chief.” Lou was reading a book on US law.

“Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. Or for the purpose of getting sexually aroused.”

There were cops laughing as Eddie the cop had squirrels scurrying about in his trousers.

”Guys knock that off!” Wiggum scolded them.


Eddie flushes out the squirrels from his trousers and they chitter as they scurry off.

Oscar moaned aroused with Screwy Squirrel trapped in his shorts.

”Get me outta here!” Screwy yelled.

”Oscar! Get that squirrel outta your shorts...” said Wiggum sharply.

Oscar sighed and pulled Screwy out of his shorts and released him.

”Now is there anything e,she bothering you Marge...” Wiggum sighed.

”Yes there is!” said Marge. “Dr Demento is bothering Bart again!”

Wiggum sighed exasperated.

Meanwhile, Bob was at home or whatever hole he could rent and was exercising. First he was doing manly exercises like weightlifting. He has two tattoos on his knuckles. Luv and Hāt. For love and hate because Simpson characters only have three fingers.

Then he does girly exercises and sings along.

“And turn and flex. And shake and bounce and turn. And flex and shake and bounce.” He recites as he does women’s exercises. “Oooooh Felicity Kendall... you are a treasure...” he sighed. The lady from The Good Life does exercise tapes.

The next day Sideshow Bob drives through the street with a megaphone announcing all the people he promises not to harm, including Oscar. However he doesn't include Bart.

”I will not hurt the following people... Ned Flanders, Maude Flanders, Rod Flanders, Todd Flanders,“

“Well ain’t that fine and splendidly roonie!” said Ned to his family.

”Oscar Tamaki.” called out Bob.

”Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Lisa Simpson and little Maggie Simpson. That is all...”

"Woohoo! Did you hear that Bart?" Homer cheers as he runs into Bart's room. Bart is cowering on the bed.

Up in the attic. “Hugo?” Oscar asked visiting the monster. “Hugoooo?”

Hugo was shivering and cowering.

The Simpsons find Sideshow Bob walking about showing off and making cut throat signs when he sees Bart. Bart dashes back inside frightened.

”That’s it! You awful! Awful man! Stay away from my son!!” Marge yelled.

”Oh I’ll stay away alright! I’ll stay away... forever!!” said Sideshow Bob menacingly. “No wait that doesn’t sound right! Marge, say “Stay away from my son!” Again!”

”No! Go away!” Marge yelled.

Sideshow Bob left mumbling.


Marge and Homer go to report Sideshow Bob to the police, again.

"I'm sorry Mrs Simpson, but where does it say I have to protect people?" Chief Wiggum asks.

"It says right on your badge Chief..." Lou explains.

"Oh thanks, Smartypants... Fine we're putting your family under witness protection...


A witness protection officer explains everything to them.

“I could be Dr Manhattan from The Watchmen comics!” said Homer. “Fear me! I am the most over powered character ever!”

“Uh no Mr Simpson.” said the witness protection officer.

”I want to be John Elway! John takes the snap, and touchdown! Wooooooo!” said Hugo as they couldn’t leave him behind.

”Marge why the hell did you make me take him with us?!” Homer snarled.

“I could be Gus the lovable chimney sweep!” said Bart. “Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle! Best in Westminster guv!” He put on a silly British accent. Oscar, annoyed punched him extremely hard knocking him out.

“Oscar!” Marge scolded Oscar.

"You are now the Thompsons. Here are a list of places you can live in secret. Cape Feare, Terror lake, Screamville..."

"Oh! Ice creamville!" Homer says with joy.

"No, Screamville." The officer corrects him. Homer screams loudly.

"Why do all these places sound threatening?" Marge asks.

"Sorry, you'll have to ask the locals about that." The officer replies. They then waste several hours getting Homer to respond to his new identity. "Now, when I step on your foot and say "Hello Mr Thompson you nod. Got it?" The officer asks getting impatient. "Hello Mr Thompson."

Homer gives him a confused look. "I think he's talking to you..." he says to the offer officer who facepalms.


Luckily they somehow got through to the Simpsons. They pack their stuff into a saloon car provided by the witness protection program so Bob can't tail them and leave Springfield for good.


Meanwhile in a bar a sheriff tries to convince Sideshow Bob to leave town but fails epically.

"Awww leave town..."

"No." says Bob.

"Awwww please..."


“I’ll be your friend...” the detective whines.


"You're mean..." I'm not kidding. That's exactly what happens.

Also this scene is extremely hilarious in how whiny the sheriff is compared to the sheriff in Cape Fear.


Sideshow Bob manages to find the Simpsons at a petrol station and straps himself to the bottom of the car.

While driving the family sing to Three Little Maids.

Oh curse those Simpsons singing those delightful tunes! Sideshow Bob resisted the urge to sing a long and give himself away as he remained strapped under the car.

”Ugh! This coffee is too hot!” said Homer throwing out his coffee.

Sideshow Bob screamed in pain.

”Uh... Who just screamed?” Bart asked.

Then they see a cactus patch.

"Oooooh! A cactus patch! Who wants to drive in there?" Homer asks.



"No!" Sideshow Bob yells.

"Three against one! In we go!" Homer drives through the cacti not noticing Bob's screams.


The Simpsons theme tune kicks in. But now it's the Thompsons. The camera pans over Cape Feare, a coastal town. The Simpsons each make their way home and into the lounge. They sit down and get covered in fish.


After the mock title gag The Simpsons arrive in their new home and park up.

Hugo is eating the fish that dropped on them.

They go inside their house boat. Sideshow Bob then crawls out from under the car bruised and covered in clumps of cactus. He stumbles across the drive and steps on a rake. It slams him in the face and he groans. He then steps on another rake, then another, then another...

Inside the Simpsons can hear his groans.

"What is that?" Lisa asks.

"I dunno, probably some drunk local. I hope there's a bar here or we're all going straight back to Springfield! Bob or no Bob!" Homer replies as they unpack.


Bart goes out for a walk. Oscar decided to accompany him in case of you-know-who.

"Hello Bart." He hears a familiar voice.

"Nyaaaaaagh!" He screams at an old woman.

"Down here Bart." Bart looks down to find Sideshow Bob lying in middle of the road.

"Oh, great." Oscar moaned, as he rolled his eyes. "Guess who?"

"Aaaaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screams. "Why are you laying in the road...?" He asks.

"Why not? I don't see why I can't." Sideshow Bob replied.

"Duh!" Oscar said, as he folded his arms "A parade is coming your way, dude!"

Suddenly a marching band appears and they trample on Sideshow Bob. He groans in pain as they march over him. "No! Not the elephants!!" Elephants then trample on him.

"Come on, Bart!" Oscar yelled. "Let's get outta here!"


Bart rushes inside in panic followed by Oscar. Everyone is watching TV.

"Sideshow Bob! He's here!" Bart says as he catches his breath.

"Aw now that's silly Bart, how can Sideshow Bob be here?" Homer asks.

"Dad! Oscar and I saw him with my own eyes!" Bart yells.

"Maybe your paranoia is getting worse that your seeing Sideshow Bob everywhere?" Lisa asks.

"Uuuuungh! Why won't you believe me!?" Bart runs off to his room.

"Don't worry, I'll stand guard in case he shows up tonight." Oscar declared.


That night. Sideshow Bob books into the Bates Motel, yes that motel...

He's in the taxidermy room typing on a keyboard what he intends to do to Bart.

"And disembowel him- no wait, I don't want that bowel there... Gut him!" Suddenly Mrs Bates walks in brandishing a carving knife. "Aaaaaaagh!" Bob screams before recognising his would be assailant. "By the horns of Beezlebub! Take off that ridiculous frock Norman!"

Norman takes off his dead mother's dress. "But that's my shtick Bob..."

"I know, you were laughing stock of the entire G wing."

Elsewhere at The Simpsons or the Thompsons witness protection house they watched Gregory Peck movies rather than report they had sighted Sideshow Bob. For some daft reason. They were currently watching Moby Dick.


That night Bart is sleeping when someone comes into his room holding a big knife...


"Yaaaaaaagh!" Bart screams.

"Come on! Let me cut you a brownie..." Homer's wearing an apron and holding a dish of brownies and a knife. He attempts to cut one for Bart.

"Dad I'd appreciate if you didn't burst into my room screaming like that!" Bart yells still shivering with fear.

"What? Oooooh, the Sideshow Bob thing... how silly of me..." He kisses Bart goodnight. Bart tries to go to sleep only for Homer to burst in again wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw.

"BARTYOUWANNASEEMYCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?" Homer yells holding a roaring chainsaw.

"Aaaaaaaaaagh!" Bart screams.

"Homer!" Marge yells.

"Ooooooh, the Sideshow Bob thing... What was I thinking..." he kisses Bart goodnight again and leaves.


Bart manages to go back to sleep. Some time later he hears a familiar deep voice.

"Hello Bart."

Bart yawns and rubs his eyes, sounding irritated by this intrusion that he briefly thinks is Homer again. "Dad, I swear if this is another prank- Aaaaaaghh! Sideshow Bob!" Bob tries to stab him, but he misses. "Mom! Dad! Help!" Bart yells. "Oscar!!!"

"They can't help you now..." Sideshow Bob says without emotion except ice cold malevolence.

Elsewhere on the boat, the rest of the family including Oscar are tied up.

"Oh no, Mom! Dad's been drugged!" Lisa yells.

"No he hasn't..." Marge sighs as he's just a heavy sleeper.

"How did we get tied up anyway?!" Oscar asks.

Plot 3[]

Bart makes it on to the deck and tries to get off the boat only to find it is sailing down river. He goes to the back to find man-eating alligators snapping. He then goes to the front only to find electric eels flashing with electricity and glaring at him. He then tries the back again only to find the alligators again.

"Oh yeah..."

Bob is trying to find Bart. “Bart! Come out, come out, wherever you are!” He calls in a soft sing song manner as scare chords play.

Elsewhere on the boat Gregory Peck as Captain Ahab was stalking the house boat trying to kill Moby Dick.

Moby Dick, the whale, was in the kitchen of the Simpson house boat looking in the cereal cupboard for Raisin Bran.

”Hmmmmmm... Have you guys got any Raisin Bran?” He whined.

”No!” said Marge tied up.

”Hmmmmm.... could you get some?” Moby Dick whined.

”We’re tied up while a deranged killer is stalking my son!” Marge snapped.

Bart then bumps into Sideshow Bob.

"Any last requests? Bart..." Sideshow Bob asks.

Bart sees a sign for the nearest brothel being 5 miles down the river. Just enough time for a sing a long. "Well uh... nah..." he stalls for a few more minutes just to give himself some more time in case.

"No go on..." Sideshow Bob seems willing to give Bart one final request.

"Sing the entire score HMS Pinafore. With costumes!" Bart replies.

"Very well, Bart. I shall send you to heaven, before I send you to hell!" Sideshow Bob flourishes his machete before sheathing it. He then starts singing the entire score of HMS Pinafore in costumes which he got from somewhere...

”Poor little buttercup....” he sings wearing a mop...

Bart eats popcorn he got from somewhere.

Bart even joins in at one point. Because the song had silly French accents and at this point Bob didn’t mind doing duets. Eventually Bob finishes with a grand finale of the Union Jack.

Bart claps only to stop as Sideshow Bob approaches him.

"And now, for the final cut..." says Sideshow Bob as he is about to kill Bart. However the boat crashes into something and knocks him over. Spotlights turn on.

"Hold it right there, Sideshow Bob! You're under arrest!" Chief Wiggum and his officers are outside a brothel in their dressing gowns.

"By Lucifer's beard!!" Sideshow Bob yells.

"Uh, yeah... Please don't tell my wife I was here..." Wiggum replied.


Sideshow Bob is then arrested.

"How did you stop him?" Lisa asks Bart.

"Oh I just asked him to sing the entire score of HMS Pinafore..."

"Well apart from being extremely long which was pretty clever Bart, but why Gilbert and Sullivan songs..." Oscar asks.

"I dunno." Bart shrugs.

"Then before I return to my incarceration. I shall let you in a little secret Bart... I love Gilbert and Sullivan musicals! Curse you for tempting me with the fine art of theatre!"

"Ay carumba! I don't know what to say! But whatever you find entertaining a kid like me would find extremely boring! Take him away boys!" Bart replies.

"Hey that's my line! Bake him way toys." Chief Wiggum says annoyed.

"What Chief?!" Lou asks confused.

"Do as the kid says..." Wiggum sighed annoyed.

Oscar was in the background hugging the Union Jack flag.

”Oz what are you doing?” Bart winced.

”Oh sweet Blighty! God save the Queen!” Oscar sighed hugging the Union Jack flag.

“Mark my words Bart Simpson! You haven’t seen the last of me! I will get you! If it’s the last thing I do!!” Sideshow Bob ranted as he was taken away by cops.


A week later the Simpsons return home.

"I can't help feeling we've forgotten something..." Marge says idly. Suddenly Grampa runs up to the car.

"Look what happened without my pills!" Grampa is now a woman with blond hair and heavy makeup...

”Ay carumba!” Bart screamed.

"Oh my! Bart quickly go inside and get your Grampa's pills!" Marge gasps.

"Wait a second, I wish to court this little lady..." says Jasper as the credits appear.

"There's something you should know about me..." says Grampa in a sultry tone...


  • The title is based on the film Cape Fear.