Simpsons Fanon
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Butterfingers Lisa and Bart read a book of curious science and discuss reincarnation. Meanwhile Homer watches unhealthy commercials for extremely high calorie foods and when she finds out, Lisa and Marge vow to protest to have them taken off air. Finally Bart won't let anyone have one of his Butterfinger bars, so the family take drastic action to get to his treasured butterfingers.

Meanwhile Homer is persuaded by unhealthy commercials and Oscar traumatised by a health warning programme about obesity featuring Santa dying. Marge gets both cancelled but Homer finds another way to watch his beloved commercials so Marge hires a tale to persuade him to stop over eating. But accidentally gets a hostage negotiator tape instead. Hilarity insures!

Plot[]

One afternoon Bart and Lisa are watching TV while Lisa reads a book on curious facts.

"Hey, look Bart! It says here that one day humans will grow an extra finger!" The book shows a Simpson character's hand with only three fingers and a thumb, and a human hand with four fingers and a thumb.

“Like when Marge tried to set Gramps up with Grandma Bouvier and Homer imagined us as those creepy kids from that microwave pizza commercials...” said Oscar.

"Eeeew!" Bart said in disgust. He then took out a butterfinger bar and bit from it.

"Can I have some?" Lisa asked.

"No way! No one lays a finger on my butterfingers!" He then got up on the couch.

"Bart, get down from there, you're not in a commercial right now..." Marge told him off. He got down from the couch.

...

That evening Homer was watching TV while Bart teased Lisa with his butterfinger bar.

"Lisa! Sit down! Bart! Stop teasing your sister and let her have some of your candy bar!" Homer yelled.

"But it's a butterfinger bar, and that's my shtick, not to let anyone have any! They're my butterfingers!" Bart protested.

"Bart those commercials have made you into a one line wonder..." Lisa groaned.

"No they haven't!" Bart protested. "I had my "I didn't do it!" Line!"

"That's it! Go to your rooms! Both of you!" Homer yelled. They did so reluctantly.

Homer could then watch his programme in peace. Then the commercials came on. A seductive voice explained how to make a very unhealthy breakfast sandwich with three kinds of meat, a fried egg and smothered in creamery butter. It was called the Good Morning burger.

Homer made a moan of pleasure.

...

The next morning, Lisa asks Bart about reincarnation.

"Bart, if you could come back as anything? What would it be?" Lisa asked.

"A butterfly." Bart asked.

"A butterfly, eh? Why?" Lisa asked curious.

"Because no one suspects the butterfly!" Bart replied before rubbing his hands and laughing evilly. He then has a daydream of Principal Skinner being arrested for setting the school on fire.

"But I didn't set the school on fire! It was the butterfly!" Skinner protested.

"Yeah, that's what they all say..." Wiggum said as he and his offices took Skinner away.

However he was right as Bart as a butterfly was holding a can of petroleum and laughing as he flapped his little, colourful wings.

The daydream then ended.

"Okay..." Lisa rolled her eyes. Bart was then eating another Butterfinger with another waiting in his pocket. She tried to sneakily take it, but Bart noticed and took the bar in his hand and ran away with it.

"Oh what's the use! He won't let anyone have one..."

...

That evening Homer is watching a news broadcast about obesity.

"Aaaaaw! Lisa, change the channel..." Homer groaned. "Oh, whatever..."

"People tend to see fatness as the image of jolly old Saint Nick." Kent Brockman explained as he showed a picture of a smiling Santa. "However, in reality Santa would be dying or on a triple heart bypass." a video is shown of an actor as Santa flatlining in hospital, pale skin and being covered up after being declared dead.

"Santa! Nooooooo!" Oscar cries before running out the room, and into Marge, sobbing.

"Oscar, it's just a dramatisation..." Lisa explained.

Oscar crying into a Marge’s dress,

"What's going on?" Marge asked.

"Oh, Kent's doing one of his serious health stories and this bit on Santa came on..." Homer moaned while rewinding the TV.

Marge watched it and gasped in horror. "That's it! I'm complaining to Kent Brockman! I will not have him traumatise children, especially mine!" She had another of her tirades. "Don't worry, Oscar, it's not real, Santa's fine."

However the TV then showed a commercial for another unhealthy, high calorie meal, a bacon sandwich with three kinds of bacon and a fried chicken breast...

"Now how does that help?! First they frighten everyone into eating healthy, then they show commercials like that!" Lisa yelled. At this point in the evening it's nearly bedtime so Oscar and Lisa were in their pyjamas.

"Hrrrrm!" Marge groaned as Homer was drooling at the commercial. She then had a daydream of Homer dying and being buried. The whole family were dressed in black.

"(Sobbing) I wished they never invented grilled cheese sandwiches!" Marge said while crying.

"The crane can't hold much longer!" Raphael said as his crane lowered a massive crate, presumably containing Homer's obese corpse, down into his grave. However the chain snapped and the crate crushed everyone.

The daydream ended.

"We have to do something! I'm coming with you Mom to put a stop to these unhealthy commercials!" said Lisa determined.

Oscar sniffled.

...

Marge and Lisa go on the following night's Smartline broadcast.

"Mrs Simpson? Why should we not warn people the horrors of obesity?" Kent asked.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm saying you shouldn't traumatise young children with dramatisations before the watershed of their favourite characters dying. Why last week my youngest daughter and my foster son were scarred for life on your story of whatever happened to the seven dwarfs showing a graveyard of the actual actors' gravestones!" Marge ranted.

"And if you're really concerned about health, why do you then allow your network to show such unhealthy commercials afterwards?!" Lisa added.

Kent Brockman was speechless. They had a point.

Meanwhile Homer groaned as he turned over the boring news to watch the Bumblebee Man show.

He laughed at the funny show. But Oscar was crying over a picture of Santa.

Homer groaned. “Santa is fine! That was just an impersonator...”

...

The following evening Kent Brockman announced they'd no longer be airing the unhealthy commercials for fattening foods like the good morning burger or the chocolate bar smothered in honey and butterscotch. He also announced that Smartline would be moved till after nine o'clock at night so no children will be able to see it.

"Oh thanks, diaper baby!" Homer ranted at Oscar.

"Homer! Those health stories traumatise Maggie as well!" Marge yelled at him.

...

One day the Simpsons took their children to a surprise trip to Dizzyland. Not affiliated with Disneyland. There was an all year Christmas grotto starring a very authentic Santa. Baby Oscar sat on his lap for photos. However Oscar messed his diaper... Eeeewww!

They then went to see the seven dwarfs to show Maggie and Oscar they were alive and well. They were dwarf actors in costume...

Homer then got arrested by the purple Chip and Dale look-alike mascots for causing trouble. Marge sighed in embarrassment.

”Ow! Hey you planted that acorn!” Homer yelled because he was arrested for having a giant cartoon acorn.

The purple Dale look alike mascot tapped his baton and Homer was taken to the park detention centre.

...

In the hotel, Bart continues to tease people with his butterfingers so the family concoct a plan to get their hands on some of Bart's stash. However the plans all fail spectacularly.

"Don't you guys watch commercials? The mascot nearly always fails to get some of his or her cereal from the greedy children..." Bart explained.

"Except the ones where the mascot is the one being selfish. Then the children except him or her all get some!" Oscar said having got a butterfinger bar.

"Ah, touché..." Bart signed. Letting him have the bar as he was already eating it.

Bart was in the Dizzieland Starbucks drinking coffee with the Lucky Charms Leprechaun.

“So ye met Oscar...” the Lucky charms Leprechaun sighed.

“Uh huh.” said Bart as the camera zoomed out to show various cereal mascots such as the Trix Bunny and Chip the wolf looking defeated.

“Hi guys.” said Oscar eating a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal.

...

“And action.” said a director. Bart was doing a commercial for Butterfinger ice creams. He was on a fake beach with Maggie in their swimming outfits.

“Nobody lays a finger on my butter-“ Bart says his line but Maggie took a big bite of his butterfinger ice cream.

He sighed as she chewed her mouthful of ice cream somehow without getting brain freeze.

Then Bart was doing a Tracy Ullman’s shorts style commercial teasing Lisa and Maggie with his butterfinger.

“Bart! Dad says not to tease us or your in big trouble!” said Lisa acting.

Bart continued to tease her by putting the butterfinger bar in his mouth.

Lisa inhaled deeply. Then screamed out “Daaaaaaaaaaad!” But Bart hastily fed her part of his butterfinger bar. She chewed the mouthful.

Homer stormed in angry. “What is it?” he barked.

“Nothing Dad.” said Lisa with her mouthful,

“And Cut.” said the narrator. The Tracy Ullman filter was turned off so the Simpsons went back to normal.

Bart stormed off. “That’s it! You’ve ruined my schtick!” He ranted storming off.

“Someone has to catch the Lucky Charms leprechaun sometime...” said Oscar.

...

At the Aztec cinema a fat guy in a trench coat clearly try to hide his identity snuck into the cinema after buying a ticket. That someone was Homer. He sat down to watch an unhealthy commercial.

A seductive voice said. “First we take a regular candy bar then we pour over rich honey... (Homer drools) Then Rich vanilla cream... (Homer groans “Oh baby...”) Then we top it with crushed nuts...”

Homer gargles and drools.

At home Bart was in his room furious and bouncing his ball about like in Lisa’s substitute the canon version.

“Bart. I know those butterfinger commercials were your thing. But you were getting rather obnoxious in them...” said Marge.

“I’m supposed to be obnoxious in them! That’s how the commercials work! An obnoxious mascot won’t let anyone have the product he’s selling! Or sometimes it’s the other way round, the mascot wants some of the product he is advertising but the kids won’t let him...” said Bart.

“Hmmmm! Don’t you think it would be fairer to share your Butterfingers nicely...” said Marge.

“No. Because there’d be no point to the commercial if there was no conflict...” said Bart.

“Yeah I ruined that dolly mixtures commercial with the siblings fighting after I shot the smug looking sister. Yeah not so strong now missy...” said Oscar thinking of an annoying bag of dolly mixtures sold in the supermarket.

Bart rolled his eyes.

Oscar was eating Buzz sweets, a brand of candy with a clown Bart with a big red shiny nose on the cover.

”Ay carumba!” Bart gasped.

...

Homer was eating snacks on the couch again.

Marge sighed and watched TV while knitting in the back lounge. A commercial by Dr Marvin Monroe came on. It was for persuasion tapes to stop bad habits like smoking and over eating.

“Mom you should get dad that!” said Lisa.

“Oooooh! Write down the number Lisa.” said Marge.

Later Marge called the helpline on the kitchen phone while playing with its cable.

“We have giving up smoking. Over eating... Hostage negotiations...” said the lady on the phone.

“Hostage negotiations?!” Marge asked. She imagines Homer negotiating badly with an Italian gangster.

“We’re ignoring all your demands Filatoni! What do you say to that?” said Homer.

A gun was cocked and Homer was shot with machine gun fire.

“Hmmmmm!” Marge sighed as the day dream ended. “Why do I always day dream about him being killed?” She fiddled with the phone cable. “I’ll just take the over eating one...”

“Okay.” said the lady on the line. She sent a message down to her colleagues. However they were all out of the diet tapes.

“Eh, I’ll just use the hostage negotiation training tapes... Fatso...” said the clerk in charge of the tapes...

Meanwhile Oscar was having a very odd conversation at the kitchen table.

”I want to make a half man, half monkey type creature....” said Oscar.

”Uh no... that would be playing God...” said Lisa.

”God, schmod! I want my monkey man! Damnit!” Oscar yelled.

Lisa winced.

Plot 2[]

At Mr Burns’s Office. Someone, possibly one of his employees was suing him and Lionel Hutz was representing them.

“Mr Burns, we’ve got witnesses, precedent, and a paper trailer a mile long.” Lionel Hutz confronted Mr Burns and slammed his briefcase down on the desk.

“Yes? Well, I have a team of high-priced lawyers.” said Mr Burns as he pressed a button as that opened a wall panel and revealed his lawyers stood in a row.

“Aah! Aaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Lionel Hutz screamed and ran off.

”Coooooool...” said Bart, he was there for some reason, because that guy with the Homer clones and the Tweenies insisted. To be honest this works better in Burns’s Heir.

Then the Homer clone vandal started doing repetitive Family Guy style gags...

Oscar groaned.

See the scene above but with one lawyer then two then three then four... ad nauseam.

”But repetition is funny...” said Peter Griffin.

At Night Homer goes to bed listening to his tape. In canon it’s a increase your vocabulary tape. In fanon he gets different ones with funny results.

“So long, stomach. We've had a lot of great memories....” said Homer patting his fat stomach. He has a dream about when he painted a face on his stomach for an eating competition and won, they put a hat over him so he looked like a round Pac-Man like character wearing a ten gallon hat.

Homer goes to sleep playing his tape.

“Hello. This is Dr. Marvin Monroe.“ said a gruff voice. “Let's build your vocabulary. Abattoir: Slaughterhouse. The cow was slaughtered in the abattoir.” said Dr Marvin Monroe.

The following morning.

“Has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?” Marge asked.

“Lamentably, no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.” said Homer using big words sighing. Basically he said Regrettably no, I still have a huge appetite.

Marge murmured and exchanged looks with Lisa. They sent the wrong tape.

The hostage tape scenario is gonna be hilarious...

...

In a cartoon realm which was cute and sappy and colourful with rainbows and cute animals! Bart was at Commercial mascot Anonymous dealing with commercial mascots defeated by Oscar. Sat in chairs around a circle were; Bart Simpson and a pile of ButterFinger bars and other products like Butterfinger BBs and ice lollies. Next to him was Lucky the Lucky Charms leprechaun, then Chip the Cookie Crisp Wolf, Then the Trix Rabbit, then Toucan Sam, Then the Coco Pops monkey...

Bart winced.

They were all there because Oscar had humiliated and defeated them to get their cereal/products they were selling.

After the Coco Pops Monkey sat the Rice Krispies elves on tiny chairs then the Golden Nuggets gold prospector and his donkey...

Bart’s eyes widen with exasperated surprise.

...

Elsewhere in whatever universe Hey Arnold is in...

Oskar, it’s spelt Oscar! Damn Eastern Europeans! Was playing his saxophone. Yes a saxophone. Lisa Simpson observing from the Simpsons world smiled. Suddenly Baby Oskar cried and bawled.

“Oskar, please!” said his wife Suzie.

“What? I have to practice.” Oskar explained.

“You're not the only person in this house. All you ever think about is yourself.” Suzie said sharply.

Suddenly Lisa Simpson stormed in. Um they don’t close the flat door properly.

”Aaaaaagh! A yellow person!” said Oskar.

”Now you listen here Suzie! He has to practice his saxophone playing! He is not just thinking about just himself! Well except when wanting sandwiches I suppose... but his saxophone playing is really important to him and I say that as a fellow saxophone player!” Lisa ranted.

Suzie winced.

”Okay but it’s making the baby cry.” said Suzie holding Baby Oskar.

...

Springfield.

Oscar bought some Eyehole cereal from Rick and Morty’s universe.

Suddenly the Eyehole man attacked. “I am the Eyehole man! Only I may have Eyeholes!”

”Oh it’s on!” said Oscar pulling out a katana. He in a flash was now behind Eyehole Man as if he went through him. Eyehole man stood there gibbering as blood poured out of his mouth. Then he collapsed in halves having been bifurcated. Oscar smirked and put his katana away and sat down to eat the Eyeholes cereal.

Then he wrote more disturbing letters to Chip the Cookie Crisp wolf demanding he sniff his diaper with his big wet shiny purple nose because Oscar has some sort of weird fetish involving him.

Hugo winced.

Bart was eating Butterfingers when Amin Damoola from Disney’s Aladdin made a cameo for some reason.

Oscar annoyed him by calling him butterfingers.

”No one lays a finger on my b-“ Bart started his catchphrase while guarding his butterfingers.

”Do not call me that!” Amin threw Oscar onto a table that cuffed him with tight metal manacles. A pendulum axe swung at him.

Oscar was frightened and wet his diaper.

Marge winced and looked away as the axe swung.

Genie Homer caught the blade and freed Oscar with his magic.

”That’s not fair! No genies!” Amin Damoola whined.

Genie Homer picked him up and threw him far, far away.

Bart winced. “Can you stop mentioning that Dad’s voice actor also took over as Genie from Robin Williams...”

“No because it’s funny.” Oscar giggled.

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