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Burns's Heir Is an episode of my fanon. After nearly drowning in the bath, Mr Burns decides he needs an heir to pass on his fortune and belongings to.

Plot[]

Homer was in his station.

”Ugh... (Yawning) nothing ever exciting happens here...”

Suddenly alarms and bells ring as a sign comes down saying big winner, and confetti and balloons.

”Oh my god!” Homer gasped as a man and lady entered his work station.

”Congratulations Homer! You have won the employee raffle!” said the man.

”Oh! What do I win?! What do I win?!” Homer asked.

“The job as industrial chimney sweep for the day!” said the man.

”Woohoo!” Homer is pleased by this...

He is dressed up as a chimney brush and lowered via a crane into and out of the chimneys. Victorian chimney sweep style. “Whoooooooaaaa!” He yells as he is swung about. He coughs and splutters as he he is dipped in the chimneys to clean them. “Hey this isn’t such a great grand prize! Oh well, a jobs a job no matter how dirty. Besides I bet the higher ups work even harder...”

...

”Well, has Homer Simpson suffered enough to your liking sir?” Smithers asked Mr Burns.

”Hmmmmm... Next time we clean out the chimneys use children from the orphanage...” said Mr Burns feeling making Homer be a chimney sweep wasn’t cruel enough for his amusement.

”Anyway it is time for your afternoon bath, Sir.” said Smithers.

Mr Burns is having a bath. But he doesn’t like square sponges.

”Careful Smithers! That square sponge has corners!”

“I’ll get you a round one sir.” said Smithers. He put a sponge on Mr Burns’s head and goes off somewhere as Mr Burns goes under water.

“Smithers? Smithers! Help!” Mr Burns whined as he started sinking. His life flashed before his eyes. Ie flashbacks from Rosebud, Lisa Needs Braces., Jurassic Plant and where he crippled an Irish man with a dodgem as a boy. Firing his wet nurse when he was a baby because he disliked the milk.

”You’re fired!” said Baby Mr Burns to his nurse when she bottle fed him.

Torturing a guy into dancing by shooting at his feet with an old fashioned gun that needs to be cleaned out between firing. A musket presumably.

Betraying Greenpeace hippies by sinking their boat when they went to sabotage a boat of nuclear waste.

“Oh dear God!” said Smithers.

Smithers saves him and revives him.

”Why you ambiguously closeted excuse for a man servant!” Mr Burns yelled strangling Smithers.

"I'm so sorry Mr Burns!" Smithers begs for forgiveness.

"No matter, this near death experience has made me realize, I need an heir to pass my fortune to in case I do die. Smithers, I shall hold a test to see who is most worthy of Springfield's youth!"

"But sir I thought...” Smithers asked.

“That you’d inherit? Ohohoho! Dear Smithers... I have a special gift for your lifetime of service to me. When I finally leave this world, you. Will buried alive with me...” said Mr Burns showing a model of a screaming Smithers locked in the coffin with him.

Smithers sighed.

...

The Simpsons and Grampa went to the cinema to see Siskel and Ebert: The movie. They review themselves and gave it a thumbs up. Talk about being full of yourself...

The Simpsons and Grampa sat down. Suddenly the THX sound started. A deafening sound shattered teeth and made heads explode as everyone except Abe Simpson ran out of the auditorium screaming from the deadly sound.

”Turn it up! Turn it up!” Abe yelled.

Sometime later everyone returned to find to their annoyance that that nasty old man Mr Burns had something to say in an announcement.

”I am looking for an Heir, male of course to pass my fortune on to. Auditions take place at Springfield theatre on a Friday at five o clock. Do not be late.” said Mr Burns. “Now back to the show... What? Oh okay...” Snacks and drinks as cartoon mascots appeared. “Let’s all go to the lobby! Let’s all go to the lobby! Let’s all go to the lobby and get ourselves some snacks!” Mr Burns sung the lobby song.

Bart laughed.

After the movie Oscar was upset because he couldn’t hear any of it. “Make this ringing stop!”

”Oz there is no ringing.” said Lisa. “I think that THX sonic boom damaged his hearing!”

”Oh no! I’m deaf!” Oscar cried.

...

All the children of Springfield are at the Springfield theatre dressed in their smartest clothes.

Up first is Ralph. He is immediately denied. So are Oscar because he came dressed as a baby in a cloth diaper and baby bonnet and Milhouse.

“What are the two Es?” Enunciate and energy!” said Martin.

”Next!” Mr Burns sent him off.

”(Oscar babbling like a baby and wearing a cloth diaper and baby bonnet.)”

Bart face palmed.

”Next!” Mr Burns yelled.

”I have nothing to offer you but my love.” said Milhouse.

“I specifically said no geeks!” Mr Burns yelled.

”But my mom thinks I’m cool!” Milhouse whined.

”Get out!” Mr Burns yelled.

"Give me all your money old man, or I'll pound ya!" Nelson threatens.

"Oh! Feisty little rapscallion! Put him on the maybe list." Mr Burns asks Smithers.

”This is it boy.” said Homer to Bart.

”Dad I really don’t want to be here. Plus I started a fire this morning I should really be keeping an eye on...” said Bart.

The Simpson House was on fire. Grampa was inside.

”Help me! Help meeeeeeeee!” Grampa yelled.

But Homer pushed Bart on stage.

Homer fantasised about Bart graduating from college. Yeah right... sure... And curing the common cold...

Marge fantasised about Lee Majors.

”Hi Marge. I’m Lee Majors. Come with me.” said Lee Majors.

”Oh okay.” said Marge.

Lee Majors took her in his arms and rocketed into the sky with a bionic jumping sound.

”I really have to stop fantasising about Lee Majors...” said Marge,

"Hi Mr Curns, (Bart reads his cards squinting at Homer’s spelling errors) give me money now, me poor. Thank you Mr Burns." Bart reads a note Homer gave him.

"It's Curns you fool!" Homer yells.

"No it's not!" Marge nags him.

Martin comes on singing cling cling go the trollies.

"Aaaaaagh! Rosie O'Donnell!" Homer screams.

Nelson then comes on and punches Martin hard in the stomach.

"At last..." Mr Burns sighs with relief. "Give that bullish lad an extra point."

Lisa then gives a heartfelt and passionate speech.

"I don’t know what phallocentric means but I specifically said no girls!" Mr Burns yells.

”Oooooooh! So much for plan B...” Milhouse dressed as Lizzie Borden.

”Ay carumba!” Bart screamed at the sight of Milhouse cross dressing.

”Gimme that! That’s my frock!” Martin yelled grabbing his Lizzie Borden wig off of Milhouse.

"That's it! You have all failed!" He rants. "Hold up. You, spikey haired one! Stand exactly there.

"Uh ok..." Bart stands exactly still. Mr Burns turns some levers very slowly. A shoe comes down and kicks Bart up the butt.

"Ow!"

"Excellent!" Mr Burns says his catchphrase.

...

The Simpsons along with Oscar drive home disappointed.

Mr Burns was discussing with Smithers who to donate his money to on the event he died.

“Well there’s always the egg council.” said Mr Burns.

A giant white egg with legs squeaked as it hopped about.

“Or maybe I should give it all to my pet tortoise Lonesome George...

There was a very old tortoise crawling about.

That night, Bart trespasses on Mr Burns property and vandalizes it by cutting the heads off statues and flooding the gardens.

"Smithers! It's that boy again! And he's damaging my property!" Mr Burns is watching by the security cameras.

"Should I release the hounds Sir?" Smithers asks.

"No. Invite him in." Mr Burns replied. “But first. Boy you there! What day is it?”

”Today sir? Why it is Christmas Day!” said a Victorian peasant boy.

”Not you! Him!” Mr Burns yelled pointing to Bart.

”I don’t know Mr Burns, but apparently Christmas Day... in July...” said Bart.

”No it is the day you become my heir!” said Mr Burns.

...

Bart goes home to announce the good news.

"Woohoo!" Homer cheers.

"I get to spend dinner at Mr Burns's mansion tomorrow night!" Bart explains.

"That's nice. But how did you get him to change his mind?" Marge asks.

"Yeah, how?" Lisa insists Bart explained himself and his absence the previous night.

"Um..." Bart blushes.

...

The following morning They were all at Mr Burns’s mansion while Bart signed the contract to be his heir.

”We’re rich! Rich!” said Homer. “Quick Bart! Open all the windows! We have to get the old man snell out!”

”Dad... Mr Burns isn’t dead yet... and he just heard you...” said Bart.

Mr Burns glared at Homer.

Homer screamed. “Um okay and in good health then Nr Burns no dodgy ticker or... BOO!” Homer booed him to scare him into a heart attack but this didn’t affect Mr Burns. But Abe collapses clutching his chest in agony.

”Now toodle oooh my heir while I live alone in my big empty mansion...” said Mr Burns.

”You thinking what I’m thinking?” Homer asked.

”I think so. But this time you wear the garter and stockings...” said Bart.

”No!” Homer yelled. “I meant, let’s push him down the steps! Hehehehe!”

”Coooool! Great idea!” said Oscar.

”No!” Marge ruined their fun by insisting they don’t.

”Marge I am still mad at Mr Burns for upsetting Maggie! Let me unleash some of that pent up anger!” Homer snapped.

“No fair! Bart gets to stay with Mr Burns and I can’t spend one night lurking in the bushes outside Chef Boyardee’s house?” Lisa whined.

”Um... okay...” Oscar found her weird.

...

The following night Bart is sat at Mr Burns's table.

"Remember, you can have anything you want to eat." Mr Burns explains.

"Anything aye... Ok I want pizza. And I want it to be delivered personally by Krusty himself." Bart explains.

Some time later, Krusty arrives in a delivery boy uniform with a pizza. He laughs his trademark laugh.

"Krusty?! Wait if you're here, who's doing your show?" Bart asks.

"I've got a stunt double, kids will never know the difference!" Krusty explained. "Ok Burns, cough up!" Mr Burns pays him.

After dinner, Bart's thirsty.

"Can I have some water..." Bart asks.

"Of course!" Mr Burns says warmly and pushes a button. However Bart is cuffed to his chair.

"Mmmmmph!"

"Oops wrong button." Mr Burns releases him and pushes the correct button to summon Smithers. Smithers pours Bart some water.

After dinner they watch the security cameras, which oddly enough also have surveillance in homes. Bart sees Homer eating flowers in the toilet.

"That explains his trips to Holland..." Bart remarks.

Bart then wants to go home.

"Very well. Remember you're always welcome here..." Mr Burns explains.

...

One night at dinner, Bart is playing up. He is flicking peas at Lisa and pulling faces.

"Mom! Bart's flicking peas at me!" Lisa whines.

"Bart! Stop that!" Marge scolds him.

"Mr Burns flicks peas at Smithers." Bart retorts. Suddenly he decides he doesn't want his meatloaf. "Ugh I hate this crappy meatloaf..." he feeds his portion to Santa's little helper.

"That's it! I will not sit by while you feed a starving dog! Go to your room!" Homer yells.

"No! I feel suffocated in here!" Bart yells back.

"Bart you do as your told!!" Homer loses his temper.

"Oh go and eat some flowers!" Bart throws flowers at him then storms off.

"No! My secret shame!" Homer gasps.

"I don't think any of us expected that..." Marge comments.

Flint Hammerhead is wondering why Homer is ashamed of eating flowers and picks up a tulip and eats the head, leaving a stem.

Oscar winced.

Plot 2[]

Bart cycles to Mr Burns's mansion. Mr Burns is waiting for him. He embraces Mr Burns with a hug.

Homer then turns up in his pink car. Flint is in the back eating tulips. "Bart! You come home right now!" he yells.

"No! I want to stay here with Mr Burns!" Bart argues with him.

"I suggest you leave right now." Mr Burns says to Homer.

"Or what? You release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? Go ahead! Do your worst!" Homer rants. Mr Burns simply goes inside with Bart and shuts the door on Homer.

"They shut the door on me!" Homer gasps.

...

At home, the Simpsons hire a deprogrammer to retrieve Bart and deprogram him.

“Can you get Bart back?” Marge asked.

”Ma’am you’re looking at the man that Deprogrammed Jane Fonda.” said the man.

”What about Peter Fonda?” Homer asked.

”No... but I did get Paul McCartney to leave Wings.” said the man.

”You idiot! He was the most talented one!” Homer yelled.

However the deprogramer accidentally kidnaps Hans Moleman...

"Hello mother... hello father..." says Hans Moleman.

"That's not our son..." Marge explains.

"Oh come here boy!" Homer starts kissing Moleman. "It's like kissing a peanut!" Ugh!

...

At Mr Burns's mansion, Bart fires Lenny and drops him down the bottomless pit.

“Lenny I won’t fire you if you can explain why I shouldn’t without using the letter E.” said Bart. This is going to cause madness later on...

”Well... I’m a good sort of guy...”

Bart glared and pushed the bottomless pit trapdoor button. “You’re fired!”

”But I didn’t use the letter Eeeeeeeee.....” Lenny cried.

“Excellent!” said Mr Burns pleased with Bart.

Bart then tries on a Mr Burns suit but it hurts his back. Bart then asks how his family are doing.

Mr Burns brushes off his questions and changes the subject.

Then he had Milhouse round.

”Cool! A tiny train!” said Milhouse as a tiny train went through a mouse hole.

”Yeah. It won’t be back four three hours and fourth minutes though. Once it had snow on it.” said Bart. “This reminds me of when I was Chuckie and his dad won the lottery.”

Meanwhile The Simpsons asked Lionel Hutz for help.

”Is there an Orange Julius stand on this floor?” Skinner asked.

”It closed for the day but you can share my carton.” said Lionel Hutz drinking a carton of orange Julius.

”How about I just drink out of a toilet bowl!” Skinner snapped and left.

We pan down to the lowest floor of the mall where Dr Hibbert is selling orange juice under the brand name Orange Julius. “Ahehehehehe! It was either this or call is OJ.” said Dr Hibbert chuckling.

Then Marge and Homer asked Lionel Richie for help. But he was dancing on the ceiling.

”Dancing on the ceiling! Oooooooh! Dancing on the ceiling!” He sung while dancing on the ceiling.

”Um... we’ll be going now Lionel Richie...” said Homer leaving hastily.

Then they picked up Oscar and took him to Dr Hibbert’s office.

Dr Hibbert while slurping a carton of Orange Julius examined Oscar’s ears.

”Aside from the ear wax build up, use a q tip once in a while! Oscar is temporary deaf. Eh you heard all that?” Dr Hibbert asked.

”What is everyone saying?! I only hear ringing!” Oscar whined.

They got him a hearing aid so he could hear.

”Not so funny now, is it...” his partially deaf cousin said annoyed at him.

Bart is anxious to know how his family is doing.

Mr Burns shows Bart a poorly acted surveillance where Homer says "B'oh!" Instead of "D'oh!"

“Something doesn’t seem right...” said Bart.

"Excuse me one second." Mr Burns goes off somewhere and ends up on a fake set of the Simpsons house.

Oscar, who was watching the whole time, was not convinced. He secretly snuck inside the manor's air vent to see what was going on.

"It's not B'oh! It's... (reads script) D'oh!" Mr Burns tells off the actors. Homer is actually a man with glasses, Marge is a posh actress who smokes and Lisa is a cigar chewing bald midget.

They complain about the characters they're playing.

"Just read the damn script!" Mr Burns yells.

Mr Burns returns and turns back on the camera recording the Simpsons house supposedly.

"D'oh!" Homer says awkwardly.

"That really is them! They don't miss me at all!" Bart is crestfallen that his family don't care about him.

Oscar frowned. He could not believe it. That evil billionaire scumbag Burns was manipulating Bart into believing that his family was glad to be rid of him.

...

The next day Bart gets to fire another employee. This time it's Homer. Homer pleads with him, and Mr Burns orders him to fire Homer.

"Homer, your fired!" Bart eagerly fires Homer and drops him down the trap door.

"Excellent!" says Mr Burns.

"Excellent!" Bart copies him.

"Look Smithers! He's taking after me already!" Mr Burns explains proudly.

...

At home the Simpsons are upset that Bart still hasn't returned home. Marge is crying.

"Oh! My little boy!"

...

Mr Burns was showing Bart all of his traps and what various buttons around the office do.

“This as you’ve already witnessed activates the trapdoor of the bottomless pit. This releases hounds into the office... and this switch calls my goons Crusher and Low blow.”

Mr Burns pushed the button and two big burly goons arrived.

“What does this button do?” Bart asked and pushed a red button.

Animatronic birds and Tikis appeared from hidden compartments in the walls.

“Come along And sing our tiki song!”

“And everyone will take their turns,”

“As we celebrate a man who’s great! The wiki waka Liki Laka magic Mr Burns!”

The animatronics started singing...

“Wiki waka Liki Laka Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka Mr Burns!”

”Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns!”

”Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns!”

Bart was horrified and cringed.

Mr Burns was dancing to the music.

“He um likes that office feature... just humour him Bart.” said Smithers.

Bart was hovering about the office playing with a Newton toy.

“Oh don’t look so glum Bart. There’s lots of things you can do here. Just a few rules... No putting walnuts in the doors. That breaks them. And no turning my office into a crèche.” said Mr Burns.

“I want to go to the arcade...” said Bart.

“Arcade...?” Mr Burns asked. “I’m not familiar with that term.”

“Look if you’re too much of a fossil Dad then I’ll ask Crusher and Low blow to take me.” said Bart.

Smithers was shocked by his rudeness to Mr Burns.

However Mr Burns took it in stride and Chuckled while scruffling Bart’s hair boisterously.

“What ever you say son.” said Mr Burns. He called his goons that drag people out of his office.

“I want you to take Bart to this arcade thingy.” said Mr Burns.

“Noise land Arcade. It’s on 3rd Street, it’s my local arcade.” said Bart. "Could you also take me to visit my friend Oscar? I haven't seen him in a while."

“Yeah um just take the boy where he wants to go. Just have him home by supper.” said Mr Burns.

“Yes sir...” said Crusher and Low blow. The goons took Bart in a more civilized manner than they were used to.

...

Some time later Bart had come back after the arcade and getting a squishee. Mr Burns was in a side office with his evil lawyers discussing important issues and boring stuff. Bart was playing with a toy plane and running along the table making plane noises and kicking up paper work.

“Mr Burns! This is highly unorthodox!” Blue haired lawyer complained. “We’re trying to sort out a lawsuit against you!”

“And my darling little boy is playing!” said Mr Burns admiring his adoptive son Bart. Bart was now doodling on important papers with a red crayon, like a toddler would.

“I’ll find him something to entertain him sir.” said Smithers.

“Just make another copy of page 25 of that document...” said Mr Burns to his lawyers.

Smithers was guiding Bart about the plant.

“No offence Smithers but I already got a guided tour by Black Smithers.

“Um we don’t talk about that...” said Smithers.

Bart was then introduced to Geoffrey Holder as a hypnotising mute assistant with martial arts abilities.

”You just got that from Annie, didn’t you author...?” Bart sighed.

Geoffrey Holder waited until they left and then laughed maniacally in an evil, sinister manner.

Mr Burns later joined the tour when it headed back to his office.

“My boy, this is the world’s biggest TV, it plays every tv channel conceivable!” said Mr Burns.

Bart put it on. Itchy and Scratchy played.

Bart laughed.

“Ugh, cartoons...” Mr Burns groaned in disgust.

They then arrive at a room with lots of monkeys at typewriters in it. The monkeys were smoking!

“And this is a room with one thousand Monkeys working on typing up the works of Shakespeare. Oh one of them has finished something.” said Mr Burns taking a piece of paper from a monkey.

“It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?! You stupid monkey!” Mr Burns shouted at the monkey and slapped it.

The monkey screeched.

“Yeah yeah...” Mr Burns sighed.

Bart snickered. “Monkeys...”

“Oh so you like monkeys my dear boy? Let me show you something.” said Mr Burns.

In a science lab were a cage of flying monkeys.

“Ever seen The Wizard of Oz?” Mr Burns asked.

“No Dad.” said Bart. "But it's one of my sister Lisa's favorites."

Mr Burns made an annoyed sound. “Well, I figured you’d get the reference. He’s not gonna get the Winkie guards I hired to march outside my mansion doors in the evening...” said Mr Burns to Smithers.

We cut to Mr Burns’s mansion. There are Winkie guards marching outside.

“Ore Lee Oh! Eeyoh Err! Ore Lee Oh! Eeyoh Err!” They chanted.

“Okay Pops. I’ll try to sit through the movie. But can I please skip the sappy parts...” said Bart.

“You may do as you please my boy. This is your home after all.” said Mr Burns.

“Can I give the workers silly commands?” Bart asked.

“Sure! Why not?” Mr Burns replied.

Bart was at the concourse with a megaphone.

“Hey you in the power loader! Dump all those plutonium rods on that portable potty!” yelled Bart.

A worker in a power loader dumped lots of plutonium bars over a portable toilet as a man went in there.

“And you in the crane! Swing around really, really fast!” said Bart.

The crane driver shrugged and spun around really fast until the chain broke and sent a girder flying and crashing into something.

“Now-“ Bart was about to give another silly command.

“Bart! Stop fooling around and get your ass down here you’re coming home!” Homer yelled.

“You can’t tell me what to do, fat-ass! You’re not my father!” Bart yelled.

“D’oh! Yes I am!!” Homer yelled.

“No you’re not! Mr Burns is!” Bart retorted.

“Simpson! Get back to work and stop pestering my son!” yelled Mr Burns.

Homer made an annoyed groan. “Very well boy... perhaps another little boy will enjoy your comfy bedroom and toys and video games...” said Homer slyly.

“Mr Burns lets me watch R rated movies.” said Bart. "He even lets me watch one of my favorites, Jaws!"

“D’oh!” Homer yelled.

...

Meanwhile at home the Simpsons coped without Bart by moving Hugo into his bedroom. Hugo was sewing Bart’s Krusty dolls and action figures together.

Homer cried as he hugged Hans Moleman.

”Dad what are you doing?” Lisa asked.

”Coping without your brother dear.” said Homer. “You have a new brother now!”

”Dad that’s Hans Moleman. You can’t keep him prisoner here!” said Lisa. “You’ll have to get him deprogrammed back to his usual self!”

”Cowabunga dudes...” said Hans Moleman dresses as Bart.

Plot 3[]

It was soon Home time at the power plant. Homer left early as soon as the horn blasted to be in time for the couch gag,

“How are they gonna do the couch gag without me?” Bart pondered aloud.

The couch gag had Hugo instead of Bart. However Hugo messes things up with his craziness. He laughed evilly and scared the Simpsons. ...

“Oh never mind them, my boy, remember they admitted they don’t want you anymore.” said Mr Burns. They headed home to Mr Burns’s estate. "Besides they’ve already replaced you."

Bart gasped shocked.

Bart spent the time shortly afterward getting home trying the buttons by the door. One released the hounds. Another released the robot Richard Simmons.

“Come on come on girls! Get the butter off those buns! Shake shake shake!” The robot started playing Shake your booty and dancing. Bart screamed and ran inside. The robot ran off to terrorize Springfield with exercises.

Once the robot Richard Simmons was gone he tried other buttons. One opened a trap door in the porch floor in front of the front door. Bart could hear lions growling in the pit below. Another button released Alsatians/German Shepherds. However they had yellow and black stripped markings on their fur. When they growled and barked at Bart bees flew out of their mouths at him!

“Yeoow!” Bart groaned as a bee stung him on his nose. It swelled up and went red.

“Oh my poor boy!” said Mr Burns nursing him.

“He was playing with the booby traps sir and the dogs with bees in their mouths stung him.” said Smithers.

“Smithers we really need a dog fence for when the hounds are deployed!” said Mr Burns.

“Uniclams... What does that do...?” Bart asked.

“No!” said Mr Burns and Smithers but Bart pushed the button and a swarm of flying unicorn clams were released. The flew about chirping and biting Bart, Mr Burns and Smithers. They fled inside from the uniclams.

Mr Burns composed himself to remain calm with Bart.

“Bart... Why don’t you amuse yourself by coming up with more death traps for dealing with intruders... Smithers my robot Richard Simmons has escaped! Find it for me.” said Mr Burns.

“Yes sir...” said Smithers getting his coat.

...

Oscar came round and was mad at Bart for preferring to live with horrible Mr Burns than his loving family.

“What do you care Oz? You got rid of your family...” said Bart.

”That is different! They were abusive and violent towards me! You’re just being spoilt!” Oscar snapped.

Bart wasn’t paying attention and was doodling booby traps for Mr Burns to release on unwelcome guests such as a drop into a pit of man eating lions and a plague of poison monkeys.

”They gave your room away to this freaky kid that lives in the attic.” said Oscar.

Bart yawned.

“What does this button do?” Oscar asked and pushed a red button in Mr Burns’s study.

Animatronic birds and Tikis appeared from hidden compartments in the walls.

Bart winced. Oh hell no!

“Come along And sing our tiki song!”

“And everyone will take their turns,”

“As we celebrate a man who’s great! The wiki waka Liki Laka magic Mr Burns!”

The animatronics started singing...

“Wiki waka Liki Laka Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka Mr Burns!”

”Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns!”

”Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns! Wiki Waka Liki Laka! Mr Burns!”

Bart was horrified and cringed.

”Coooooool!” said Oscar grinning.

...

Oscar headed back the Simpsons. He winced when he saw Homer and Flint eating flowers.

”Well, did you bring Bart back?” Lisa asked.

”Does it look like I was able to get through to him?” Oscar replied. “Anyway on another note, Mr Burns has a bottomless pit.”

”There’s no way it’s actually bottomless Oscar, that’s physically impossible.” said Lisa.

”Unless it goes all the way through the Earth’s core and out at wherever is on the other side of the Earth from Springfield.” said Oscar.

Lisa rather than dismiss his nonsense since he wasn’t being rude to her like Bart, decided to humour him. “Well.... If such a thing was possible barring the fact you’d be going through extremely hot magma, extreme pressure and magnetic forces... From where we are in Springfield. Our antipode on the other side of the world is just ocean. Near Antarctica.”

”Oooooooh!” said Oscar fascinated.

...

Oscar seeing the Simpsons were still heartbroken over Bart refusing to come home sighed. It’s not like they told him off, which I really have to stop being so bratty and arrogant about... He just stormed off... I’m starting think you’re wrong. My dark side.

”How dare you! Listen to me! Only I can help you get what you want!” Dark Oscar hissed.

”What’s the point? If it makes others miserable...” said Oscar.

He went to The Power Plant as it was a school/work day. So Bart would be there. After a high octane chase with Leopold the truancy officer chasing him, Oscar snuck into the power plant via the ventilation system. He found himself in the vents above Mr Burns’s Office.

”Now my son, you have some more workers to lay off. Try to be inventive in tormenting them.” said Mr Burns to Bart.

”Yes Dad.” said Bart.

Oscar scowled. What is he playing at?!

”Bill? Before I consider whether I fire you...” Bart fiddled with a pen.

”Pl-pl-please sir! Have mercy! I’m a good worker!” Bill cried.

”Well... I’ll not fire you, if. You can explain why without using the letter E...”

Oscar couldn’t resist and blew his cover. He stuck his head out from the air vent in the office ceiling and yelled: “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

”Oz cut that out! That is not funny! Making fun of other remedial kids! How would you like it if I made fun of things you did! Like your dolphin obsession?!” Bart ranted.

”How did you get in there?!” Mr Burns yelled.

”Who cares? Let Bart go home Mr Burns...” said Oscar.

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