Bless Ned Oscar misbehaves at church and Marge tries to encourage Homer to like Ned now that he's back. Meanwhile Homer mistakes a waffle stuck to the ceiling for God.
The Chalkboard Gag is, “My homework was not stolen by the one armed man.”
That evening while watching the news.
”Tonight on Eye on Springfield... Just miles from your door step... hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill!” said Kent.
Oscar screamed and panicked.
”We’re all gonna diiiiiiieeeeee!”
”Sit down!” Homer barked, grabbing him by his shorts and sitting him down on the couch.
“The government calls it, the army.” said Kent.
”Hey! Now that is extremely sexist! Ladies can join the army and be soldiers too!” Lisa protested.
”Quiet Lisa! The TVs talking!” said Homer.
”A more appropriate name though would be the kill bot factory.” said Kent.
”Bah! Looks like those damn hippies got to Kent!” said Gramps paying a visit. “In my younger days I fought for this country in world war 2 and world war 1! And we were considered heroes! Now we get insolent pups like Kent saying stuff like that on the TV!”
“Quiet Dad! I’m missing the news!” said Homer.
After his anti army comment Richard Milhouse Nixon arrived growling and blubbering his jowls. “Rrrrrrrblblblblbl! Now you listen here you goddamn hippy! You should thank your lucky stars the army is there fighting for your right to say such things about them!” Nixon scolded Kent.
”Um cut to commercials while we speak with one of the former presidents...” said Kent.
there was a commercial for tickets to the latest football game.
”Have you got the football fever?” The commercial asked.
”Yes sir!” said Homer.
”I have yellow fever.” said Oscar bright yellow and looking very sick.
”Shut up!” Homer snapped.
”Then the doctor can only prescribe that you get down to the stadium this Sunday for the ultimate clash between the Shelbyville Sharks and our own Springfield Atoms! So per doctor’s orders get your self down to that game and take your tickets! Warning tickets should not be taken internally. Please do not eat your ticket.”
”See, because of me, they had to put that small print at the end.” said Homer.
”I’ll sell you tickets to that game Homeboy for 50 bucks.” said Bart holding tickets.
”Sold!” Homer paid him fifty dollars for the tickets. “Hehehe!”
”Dad, those aren’t tickets to Sunday’s game...” said Lisa.
”Sure they are sweetie! It says here. Free wig with every purchase of a large wig at Wigs emporium?! D’oh! Why you little!” Homer yelled but Bart had already ran off. “Mmmmmm! Wig...” Homer imagined himself looking in the mirror wearing a blue beehive hair do like Marge’s.
”Oh I love you homie!” He said imitating Marge.
”And I love you Marge. Hehehe! I don’t even need her anymore...” said Homer in the dream.
Homer chuckled as his day dream ended.
The Simpsons are having waffles for breakfast the next morning. However one of them some how gets thrown at the ceiling and gets stuck.
Marge Hrmmms. "Bart, did you stick a waffle up there...?"
Later that day Homer sees that tickets are being sold for a football game. Then someone rings the door. At the door is Ned.
"Hi didilly ho neighborino! I have two tickets to game! Wanna come?" Ned asks.
Homer slams the door on him. "Stupid Flanders!" He starts talking to the waffle stuck to the ceiling. "Why do you mock me lord?!"
"Homer that's not God! That's just a waffle that Bart stuck up there..." Marge knocks the waffle down with a broom. Homer catches it.
After she leaves, Homer considers eating it. "I know I shouldn't eat thee, but..." He eats the waffle. "Mmmmm... Sacrilicious!"
Homer then goes out to actually buy a ticket. There's no way I'm hanging around with stupid Flanders.
While he is in the queue with Bart and Oscar, a man at The front is trying to buy all the tickets for some reason. Oscar senses something is up and calls the cops on his phone.
"Ok, Gotta buy them all! You're under arrest for ticket touting!" Wiggum says to the man while arresting him.
"Awwww..." The man groans.
Homer buys an adult ticket and two kid's tickets. They go to the game. Ned is with Maude in the front row.
"Awwww... Ned's here..." Homer groans.
"He's in the front row, he's not going to be bothering us when we're all the way up there." Oscar replies.
Homer goes to buy refreshments. He comes back with a nacho hat with cheese in the middle of the edible sombrero. He puts it on his head and starts singing "nacho, nacho, nacho man! I want to be a nacho man!" And eats bits of the hat after dipping them in the cheese.
"Well I want to be a macho man..." said Oscar being camp.
Bart drinks his soda while wondering that the freshly baked hat is going to give him serious burns.
After a while Homer has accumulated lots of rubbish that he dumps on the aisle below. Someone complains.
"Dad! Don't litter!" Bart whines.
"Why if it isn't Boy Lisa!" Homer retorts.
"Dad, I don't care about the planet... But you're annoying everyone!" Bart replies.
"No this is annoying everyone." Homer starts taunting everyone. Bart face palms. The crowd start jeering and throwing empty beer cans at Homer, however he dodges them. "Ha ha! Missed me!" However an air conditioner is thrown at him and knocks him over. "Ow... my head!" he groans.
"Come on Springfield Atoms. You have to win! Mr Burns broke my leg on it! If you lose he said he'd do something worse!" said Milhouse with his leg in a cast.
Luanne and Kirk gasped.
Oscar saw red as his eyes turned red for a second. "Excuse me Bart, Homer... I have to teach Burns a lesson about maiming children." He got out a sniper rifle and assembled it.
"Oz no. You can't shoot Mr Burns... no matter how nasty he's being..." said Bart.
“It’s what I do and nobody’s going to stop me!” said Oscar heading off to shoot Mr Burns.
Bart sighed and quickly grabbed the back waistband of Oscar's diaper to stop him. The diaper stretched as Oscar ran.
After the game Homer pesters the footballers for their autographs.
"Sign my book you jackass!"
"What did you just call me?" A blond footballer asked him.
"It was the boy!" Homer grabbed Bart and used him as a human shield.
"I'll be happy to sign an autograph for a kid. Here have the game's ball." The footballer gave Bart the ball.
Homer took the ball from him. "Now we have four children! I'm gonna call you, stitchface!"
Bart and Oscar hrrrrrmmmed in annoyance at Homer's bizarre behaviour.
The game was finished and everyone was heading to their cars to go home.
Oscar spotted Mr Burns's car and threw a petrol bomb/Molotov cocktail at it and blew him and Smithers up in an inferno for maiming Milhouse.
At home Homer takes the family photo off the mantelpiece and puts the football there instead.
"Homer! That picture is important to the family! Get that thing off of there!" Marge nags at him.
"That thing is our new son! I have named him Stichface!" Homer retorts.
Up in his room. Oscar is studying his Springwarts magic school homework.
"You know this ancient magic stuff, it's always so complicated!" said Oscar reading a book on ancient magic.
"Probably because you're still learning to cast a simple knock back jinx..." said Lisa about to play her saxophone.
That Saturday morning everyone gets up for church. Oscar promised he'd give it a try even though he felt because of his parents murder that he was beyond forgiveness.
However Marge was having difficulty getting him up.
"Come on, up you get sleepyhead." Marge took his covers off him. She sighed as he had picked to wear a cute set of footed pyjamas/a babygro to wear. They were lavender blue with yellow spots.
"I'll handle this Mom." Bart replied. He grabbed Oscar's nose causing him to splutter and wake up with a start.
"Why did you do that..." Oscar groans as he rubs his eyes.
"You promised you would give church a try. Now get up!" Bart explained.
They were all ready. Bart was fussing because Marge combed his spikes down.
"Ha! You look ridiculous!" Oscar laughed as Bart messed his spikes back into his usual style.
At church Oscar was reading Bart's guide to life inside a bible and was decided to follow all of Bart's advice at being naughty. He started by pulling faces at the pews behind where they (Himself and the Simpsons) were sitting.
"Oscar stop that!" Marge made him sit down. Bart laughed.
Reverend Lovejoy was saying a boring sermon. Oscar was doing a chit-chat hand gesture to show he thought Lovejoy was talking to much. Marge told him off again. He pulled a face at Lovejoy when he looked at him for disturbing the sermon.
Bart was bored so he then started playing with a troll doll with tall blue hair. However Marge confiscated it.
"Such awful, awful hair!" Marge commented on the doll's hair.
Oscar soon needed the bathroom desperately and was squirming.
"Oscar, stop squirming!" Marge told him.
Oscar flicked through Bart's book. It encouraged disturbing church during sermons/prayer to ask for the toilet loudly.
"I HAVE TO PEEPEE!" Oscar yelled disrupting the prayer. Everyone muttered loudly. Marge was embarrassed as she escorted Oscar to the bathroom.
Bart laughed hysterically. Lisa glared at him.
“Why can’t you be more like your new brother?!” Homer scolded Bart as Stitchface the football sat quietly.
“Homer! That’s a football! Stop imagining inanimate objects as being alive!” Marge snapped.
”Marge! Do not say such things about our son! Stitchface is as real as the day I bought him into the world!” said Homer cradling the football.
In a cutaway gag. “Congratulations Mr and Mrs Simpson. It’s a football...” said Dr Hibbert retrieving a football from Marge’s um snatch...
Marge rolled her eyes exasperated.
"Fine you've made your point! I won't ask you to join us for church anymore!" Marge ranted as she drove the family home.
"Aw, I was actually having fun!" Oscar replied before he and Bart started snickering and giggling.
"Hrrrrrrm! You two are as bad as each other! Although I think Bart's a bad influence on you! If you're coming to church with us again next week you're sitting away from each other!" Marge ranted.
"Mom, please keep an eye on the road!" Lisa whined as Marge was driving erratically.
"Well I don't want to go then!" Oscar said in a sulk. He crossed his arms petulantly.
At home after they got changed Bart and Oscar were reading Bart's guide to life and laughing. Oscar added some things to the list of bad behaviour Bart recommended to drive your folks nuts in church.
"Tip the holy water dish over yourself as you leave church..." Bart read them.
"That really made my late mom mad at me!" Oscar said proudly.
"Choke on sweets? Mom wouldn't resort to giving us candy to keep quiet in church. I guess because a glare from her is enough that I shouldn't push her further." Bart read the next on.
"Just keep reading." Oscar replied.
"Touch everything or fidget during Sunday school lectures with the reverend..." Bart read on. "Drink the holy wine..."
Oscar was reading Bart's original list. "Doodle in the missal. Um that's Catholic Bart. You're family are Lutheran."
"It can mean any prayer or liturgical books. Gosh I'm starting to sound like Lisa!" Bart replied.
"Anyway... Want to find naughty words in the bible?" Oscar asked.
"I was gonna save that for when Milhouse comes over." Bart explained.
"Fine..." Oscar sighed.
Marge was talking with Homer about his behaviour towards Flanders.
"Ned has only been back for just over a week and already you're back to being rude to him!" Marge nagged.
"But he can be such a loser sometimes!" Homer whined.
"Do you want him to leave again?" Marge asked. Who knows what neighbors might move in this time.
"Then learn to be nice to him! I'm going over there to arrange a picnic lunch, so you can learn to get along with him and Bart and Oscar can learn how kids should behave!" Marge explained.
Homer then started cradling Stitchface the football and speaking to it like it was a baby.
Oscar rolled his eyes and went upstairs. He then found the attic open and went up there.
The chained up attic monster growled.
“Your Dad thinks a football is Bart’s new brother Stitchface. You’ve been replaced with a football...” Oscar explained to Hugo.
Hugo growled annoyed and tugged violently at his chains.
"That's a fantabulous idea Marge!" said Ned, making up words.
Later that day they all got in Homer's car somehow. They then got stuck in traffic.
"My rapping Ronald Reagan tape always passes the time!" Homer explained. He put in a white tape cassette into the player. Suddenly Ronald Reagan saying "Well?" repeatedly started playing along with disk jockey sounds of records being scratched etc. Everyone is baffled by Homer's choice of tape. "Hehehe! He did say well a lot!" They then drive to the picnic park with the rapping Ronald Reagan tape playing in the background.
Once they arrived Homer wanted to go in Ned's boat so he asked Homer to say when it was safe to release the boat.
"Ok, Ned, release her." Homer answered. However he had not gone into the water enough. The boat scratched it self on the hard concrete. Ned groaned.
They were soon on the lake with Rod and Todd water skiing behind them.
"Homer, how are my boys doing?" Ned asked.
"They're fine..." Homer replied. Rod and Todd were missing. The boat was dragging two empty handles.
Soon it was lunchtime. Marge poured the water for the Flanders.
"Thanks for remembering Marge. I just hope we don't have a repeat of that barbecue we had the last summer before we had to move away..." Maude explained.
Elsewhere Bart has a pixie stick.
"We can't have sugar." Rod explained.
"There's no sugar in pixie sticks. I promise." Bart replied.
Rod and Todd share it.
"Don't hog it all smellyhead!"
"Up yours fathead!"
"Gimme!" (Incoherent angry noises) The boys started fighting again.
"Coooool! Mwuhahahaha!" Bart laughed evilly.
"They never learn, do they?" Oscar said with a smirk. That's twice Rod and Todd have fallen for that.
Soon everyone was called to lunch. However Ned had a boring speech to make. Luckily Homer decided to liven it up.
"Food fight!" He started throwing food. And so did Bart and Oscar. Marge and Lisa reluctantly joined in.
The Flanders had to go home early.
"You're going?" Homer asked.
"Afraid so. Rod somehow got enchilada in his eye." Ned replied.
"Can I at least ride your boat one more time round the lake?" Homer asked.
"Too late!" Homer said while riding the speedboat around the lake.
That night Ned had a nightmare of himself climbing a very tall tower and assembling a sniper rifle.
"That ones Homer! That's Homer as well! That's also Homer!" He said as he shot people. A postman then shot at him with a machine gun before Ned suddenly woke up.
"Honey what's wrong?" Maude asked.
"I think I hate Homer Simpson!" Ned gasped.
Meanwhile at the Simpsons.
Homer wakes with a start. "I think I hate Frank Sinatra! No! I find his songs wonderful! Goodnight dear!" Homer gasped before correcting himself and going back to sleep.
The next day The Flanders came to visit to sort out Ned's repressed anger towards Homer.
"Now Homer, if you bug me, I will let you know! So watch yourself!" Ned warned lightheartedly. But he was serious though.
"Yeah, sure." Homer rolled his eyes. He didn't take Ned seriously.
Eventually Homer started being crude at lunch, Bart had started Rod and Todd fighting again over sugar and Homer started embarrassing everyone and pushed Ned too far by constantly nudging him.
"That does it!! Homer you are the most obnoxious person I have ever met! Your son is ill mannered and disrespectful and well, I don't know what to say about your eldest daughter but I don't like her!" Ned shouted before storming out.
"Oh dear!" Maude gasped. "Come on boys." She took Rod and Todd home.
"Oh thanks a lot Homer!" Marge yelled.
"Hey at least he's not living in denial now and bottling up his feelings! I think I like this new Ned!" Homer replied.
”What are you staring at?! Four eyes!” Ned snapped at Milhouse.
”But you wear glasses as well!” Milhouse stammered.
”Ah time for a prank phone call...” said Bart smirking as he rang someone on the kitchen phone.
”Hello?” Moe answered the tavern phone.
”Is there a Mr Butts there? First name Seymour.” said Bart.
”Hold on. Hey everybody! I’m looking for a a Seymour Butts. Seymour Butts.... Hey! I wanna Seymour Butts! (See more butts)” Moe called out to his barflies.
Barney etc laughed loudly.
”Oh it’s you isn’t it! Listen you little puke! If I ever get a hold of you!” Moe made a violent remark down the phone.
Bart laughed loudly and obnoxiously.
Up in the attic.
Hugo was trying to take over the world again or something as he had a massive ray gun pointing out the attic window.
“What am I supposed to do? Let you take over the world?” asked Oscar.
"Um... yeah." said Hugo dressed in a white lab coat wearing glasses with no lenses.
He had a board full of to do lists. One read.
"Steal Ultrasonic Drill
Break Into Top secret Lab
Oscar cracked up laughing that it read "Call Mother."
"What? Mom gets mad if I don't answer her calls while I'm out." said Hugo.
"Hugey, you never get out of this house. In fact Homer never even lets you leave the attic." said Oscar. "Barring freak occurrences."
Hugo sighed and worked on his experiment. He was tinkering with a machine.
Meanwhile on the streets of Evergreen Terrace. A truck was heading down the road. It was the ASS cardboard boxes company truck for the American Shipping Services. Not affiliated with the human ass.
The driver needed to honk because of an animal or jay walker in the road.
"(blows horn) Hey clown boy get outta the road!" The Raphael clone yelled.
There was a green haired Clownja with a blue shiny clown nose jay walking. Or hopping.
The Clownja jabbered and quickly hopped back to the sidewalk.
At a mall called Smarty Mart.
Kim Possible characters crossed over, again!
Kim doesn't like shopping at Smarty Mart.
"You know, Smarty Mart is a perfectly respectable place to shop. It's where I bought Rufus." said Ron. Ahem! Bart! Ahem!
Bart seethed as he was turned into Rufus and sat on Ron's shoulder. Tough luck Naked Mole Rat boy....
We cut to a flashback.
Ron Stoppable is in a pet store in Smarty Mart.
"Here, he's your family's problem now." said Homer abandoning Bart with the Stopabbles.
"That did not happen..." said Bart/Rufus.
Anyhoo Oscar was there, because there was a character called Oscar so I'm being silly and insisting it's Oscar Tamaki. Or a sentient blue piano!
"Boo-yah! I need shampoo and underwear." said Ron. Boo yah is his um thing...
"Yippee!" Bart/Rufus cheered. "Why am I happy! I am not a naked mole rat! I am Bart Jojo Simpson! Help meeeeee!"
"Ugh! At least I can return the pants." said Kim. "If you see anyone who could possibly know anyone we might know, cover me."
Ron threw a sheet over her and grinned.
"That's not what I meant by cover me..." Kim sighed.
"Ronny! A big Smarty Mart howdy to you. And who's your mysterious friend?" Oscar why the hell are you talking like that?! Also apparently he works there based on the advertising of the store.
"Oscar, this is Kim. Now I know this is sound crazy, but she doesn't want anyone to know she shops here." said Ron.
Oscar looked at them incredulously.
"I don't shop here." said Kim.
"Then you don't shop smart. Next month's circular. Advanced copy." Oscar gave them a leaflet.
"Five pounds of marshmallows for a dollar?! How do they do it, Oscar?" Ron asked as there was a bargain on marshmallows or something. Mmmmm! Marshmallows...
"Two words, Ronny. Volume and volume." said Oscar. "Mmmmmmm! Marshmallows... (gargles and drools.)"
"Um this mission to stop that nut Lucar from hacking the internet is far more important than marshmallows." said Kim.
"Nothing is more important than marshmallows..." said Oscar eating marshmallows.
And thus they went to save the internet and Lucar turned out to be some nerd living in his mother's basement.
Oscar had no more lines for some reason. So that meant after his shift finished he left and went home.
Elsewhere the almighty waffle god blessed the earth with breakfast and curse the accursed Homer's patented out of this world moon waffles.
"Author no..." Bart groaned.
"He turned me into Rufus again... made me go around with Kim and Ron... pretended he was working in their local mall..." Bart groaned.
Homer was praying to the waffle stuck to the ceiling again, thinking it was God.
"Mmmmm! Holy waffle...." said Oscar.
Then interfering bureaucrats tried to abruptly end the episode because Oscar was stalling for time singing you put the lime in the coconut again.
"You put the lime in the coconut. You drink em both up! You put the lime in the coconut. You drink em both up! You put the lime in the coconut..."
"Cease! This story is over! The End!" said the bureaucrats.
"Hey! You ridiculous bureaucrats will not dictate how my story ends!" Oscar yelled.
"It’s not your story, Mr. Tamaki, It never was." said the bureaucrats.
"You have no idea what I’m capable of!" Oscar warned them.