Bart vs Thanksgiving is the fifth episode of the second season of my fanon. Bart ruins thanksgiving and refuses to apologise and runs away.
- Dan Castellana as Homer Simpson
- Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson
- Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson
- Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson
- Hank Azaria
- Harry Shearer
- Tress MacNeille
- Eileen Stevens as Oscar Tamaki
It is thanksgiving and the family are getting ready. Marge is cooking dinner. She’s taking out the turkey’s guts.
“I’d love to help Mrs Simpson but last time I stuffed a turkey I lost my wristwatch and got the thing stuck on my head. With my head up the butt hole...” said Oscar.
Bart laughed hysterically.
Bart left the kitchen. He saw Lisa with a bottle of glue and was incensed. He wanted it for some reason and went to the lounge to take it from her.
Maggie then escaped from her high chair. She went into the living room where Homer was watching TV and Bart was trying to suffocate Lisa with a cushion!
She was holding some glue.
“Bart! Stop trying to kill your sister!” Homer yelled.
“She won’t give me my glue!” Bart replied.
“It’s not your glue it’s for the whole family!” said Lisa.
“Stop it! This is thanksgiving!” Homer scolded them.
“Thanksgiving... THIS IS MADNESSS!” Oscar misquotes 300.
“Oscar it doesn’t go like that...” said Bart.
“No fighting or I’ll take the glue away and nobody will be able to glue anything! Understand?” Homer told them off.
”Oz no getting into sticky situations with the glue...” said Homer. “I remember when that happened to Bart as a baby.”
Nine years ago... Baby Bart, wearing nothing except a diaper is the garage and has just spilt a large bottle of glue. Distracted he walks into the glue with two small splats and is yanked back by the gooey glue. He grunts as he tugs at the goo. Nnnnnnnnngh! Nnnnnnnngh! It twangs in rubbery stretchy sounds.
“But Dad, this isn’t about Glue! It’s territory. Bart. Only wants it because I have it...” said Lisa.
“Nah Uh. Prove it.” said Bart.
“Here you go Bart.” Lisa gave him the glue.
“I don’t want your stupid glue!” Bart threw the bottle of glue away, it landed next to Maggie’s drinking bottle.
Maggie was going to drink the glue...
“Go on Maggie drink the glue!” Oscar encouraged her.
“Oscar! Don’t encourage her to do something so dangerous!” said Lisa taking the glue.
Bart went off to the kitchen to pester Mom.
“Honey, you’re getting in the way.” Marge is flustered by Bart poking around the kitchen.
“I Wanna help.” said Bart.
Bart wants to help so she asks him to take the cranberry jelly out of its can and put it in the fridge. He can't find the can opener so he badgers her for it.
“It’s in the left drawer. No the other left.”
After she explains the can opener is in a left drawer, no the other left... he can't use it properly and thinks it's broken.
"Mom it's broken! Mom it's broken!" He sings to the Simpsons theme tune. Marge sighs and opens the can for him.
“Ah Craberry ala Bart.” said Bart.
“Just be sure to put it in the fridge when you're done.” said Marge.
He leaves the cranberry jelly out so it collapses.
“Bart? Bart?!” Marge asks wondering where he went.
In the lounge Oscar and Homer are watching Rocky and Bullwinkle.
“And here is Bullwinkle J Moose.” said a voice over.
“Omg! A moose!” Oscar yelled.
“Quiet boy. I sense something eerie is about to go down.” said Homer as the watched cartoons.
“Hmmmmm! Homer you’re a grown man! Stop watching cartoons and go upstairs and get ready!” Marge nagged.
“Fine...” Homer sighed.
”Homeboy, why do you want to watch this cartoon...” Bart groaned.
”Because I like Rocky the flying squirrel’s voice actress! June Foray!” said Homer.
Oscar continued to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle. They were now singing Capetown races sing this song! Doo dah! Doo dah! In high pitched voices.
Maggie crawls and stumbles flat on her face repeatedly until she gets to Lisa’s room. Lisa is in there building a diorama of the first thanksgiving.
“Ah Maggie. This is my diorama of the first thanksgiving! Here’s the pilgrims... the native Americans...” said Lisa. “And Marie Curie for some reason. Would you like to contribute something to it?”
Maggie stuck her albino Bart doll on it.
“Thanks Maggie.” said Lisa.
“Has anyone seen Maggie?” Marge called desperate to find Maggie. “I’m trying to cook here!”
“She’s with me Mom!” said Lisa.
“Oh good!” said Marge.
Oscar is still watching cartoons when Bart comes in. “Watching the Macy’s parade! Family tradition!” said Bart turning the TV over to the Macey’s balloon parade. There were balloons of cartoon characters like Rocky and Bullwinkle, Underdog, Charlie Brown...
“And here comes Bullwinkle J Moose!” said Bill of Bill and Marty.
“Looks like Bullwinkle’s antlers have sprung a leak!” said Marty.
“Why is Stewie Griffin fighting that superhero dog balloon?” Oscar asked as Stewie and Underdog as balloons crashed into each other over a big inflatable bottle of Coca Cola.
“Oz, that’s Underdog. Don’t you watch cartoons?” Bart sighed.
“Yeah. But I’m not familiar with that cartoon. Why can’t it just be cartoons people have heard of in the last fifty years?! Like Screwy Squirrel.” said Oscar.
“Because if they had a balloon of every character you liked the Macy’s parade would turn into a farce....” said Bart getting up to go somewhere that he didn’t notice a Bart Simpson balloon in the Macy’s parade.
Lisa then shows of her model for thanksgiving.
“Oh that’s beautiful sweetie! But um why is your brother at the first thanksgiving?” Marge asked.
“That’s Maggie’s contribution.” Lisa sighed.
Marge suggests she show it to the family at dinner.
Marge then goes to the lounge to remind Homer that he has to pick up his Dad. Homer is in there watching football with Maggie.
“And the men in silver and blue are Denver’s team. Daddy wants them to lose because he made a bet with Uncle Moe!” said Homer.
There is a sickening crunch sound and a guy screaming in agony.
“He’ll be eating through a tube for the next month Marty!” said Bill.
“I wonder if they can fit a whole turkey through a tube?” Bart asked.
“Now that’s just stupid!” Homer scolds him for being stupid.
At Springfield General Hospital Captain McCallister in bed with severe injuries and in bandages calls the feeding tube for a thanksgiving turkey. “Arrrrr! T‘is the season after all!” A whole turkey is shot out of the feeding tube. Sea Captain tries a bit. “Arrrr! It’s a little to dry!”
Back at the Simpsons. “Homer you promised to pick up your father.” said Marge.
“Half time...” said Homer.
“And you promised you’d be nice to my sisters.” said Marge.
Homer groaned. “Fine... but if they call me names I get to retort!” said Homer.
Their relatives arrive. Patty and Selma with Jaquine Bouvier. “And James!” said Erik Nikolas. And James... Marge is not pleased they bought dishes.
“I bought Swedish meatballs.” said Selma.
“And I bought my famous trout Allimond!” said Patty.
”I bought myself. And my heart medication after last time...” said James.
”Oh Jim...” Marge sighed.
“Eeeeeugh!” Bart groaned as he did not like Aunt Patty’s cooking.
“Hmmmmm! I just cooked a turkey with all the trimmings!” said Marge annoyed.
“Well Marge. Your turkey can be a little dry.” said Patty rudely. “Now there’s something for everyone to eat!”
“And I know you Americans like to think big at thanksgiving dinner! Mmmmm! Whole tables full of food! You should see how the Klumps celebrate Thanksgiving!” said Oscar.
“Well I have to go pick up my Dad!” said Homer leaving as he puts on his jacket.
“And get some Neapolitan ice cream! Bart ate only the chocolate again...” said Marge.
“I will Honey!” said Homer.
“How insincere. How does she put up with him...” said Selma. Patty coughed as she nodded in agreement while smoking a cigarette.
“Why am I never part of you scathing that fat oaf, Homer?” James muttered as he drank a beer.
Homer slugged him. “Because you’re a bloke so I’m not ashamed to hit you! Wise ass!” Homer growled as he left to pick up his Dad and some ice cream.
“Mom!” Marge greeted her mother.
“I’d talk Marge but, I have laryngitis...” Grandma Jacqueline explained in a husky tone with a sore throat.
“Hmmmmmm... And I thought that was the Bouvier tonsils...” Marge sighed.
Then Kang and Kodos arrived. “Happy Thanksgiving earthlings!” said Kang.
“Here is a jello pudding!” said Kodos. “It has bits of fruit in it!”
“Um thanks.” said Marge.
Homer arrived at the Springfield Retirement home. Abe was taking too long to leave.
“Dad get in the car!” said Homer honking his car horn.
“Why in such a rush?” Abe asked.
“Because this place sucks the life out of ya! I wanna go!” Homer whined.
“I have to live here you know!” said Grampa raising his voice slightly.
“Well... um... I’m sure it’s a blast when you get used to it...” said Homer as Abe got in the car.
“Can we come too?” Jasper and crazy old Jewish guy asked.
“No.” Homer drove off with his Dad.
Lisa puts her display on the table. However Bart is asked to serve dinner and rudely demands Lisa move her project. They get into a fight and the model ends up in the fire.
Lisa screamed bloody murder as her centerpiece was set ablaze.
"Bart!" She shrieked, as she lunged at him. "You don't even care! You don't even care!!!!!"
Lisa runs off crying and Bart is sent off to his room by an angry Marge, who states he has ruined thanksgiving.
“You have ruined thanksgiving! Go to your room!”
Bart angrily responds he his running away and will never come back. He storms out the house.
”I hate you! I’m leaving!” Bart snapped.
”Why you disrespectful little! (Janes screaming incoherently in anger.) Oh! My heart!” James clutched his chest.
”Jim take your heart pills! Try to calm down!” Marge gave him his medicine.
“I know Bart is naughty sometimes and hey I bring out the worst in him! But he seemed like he was being particularly malicious and cruel...” said Oscar.
“Actually I have to give that maybe he was just frustrated with me.” said Lisa tearfully as she cried over her diorama. “But you’re right! How can be so cruel!”
“There, there sweetie...” said Marge.
They sit down for dinner and pray except Oscar who Homer has to throttle (Because Oscar’s praying to Satan again) while he prays to God. Mostly to apologize for Bart’s behavior. Lisa tearfully prays.
Then they eat. But it is during dinner that Oscar gets in trouble. While eating he offers a slice of turkey to the air vents and a small hand belonging to a child takes it.
“That’s it! I will not sit here while you feed a starving air vent monster! Go to your room!” Homer shouted.
“Homer! You’re ruining this already ruined Thanksgiving! Sit down!” Marge scolded Homer.
Homer growled and got up to talk to the air vent that had a pair of eyes blinking inside it. “Just for that you don’t get any fish heads tonight!”
Oscar got up to speak to the air vent after Homer sat down. “Don’t worry. I’ll get you something...”
Bart decides to get his own Thanksgiving dinner. Firstly he tries Mr Burns's mansion where Smithers leaves a pie on the window. However he is caught and Mr Burns sets the hounds on him, however he escapes through a hedge safely. Then he gives blood to get a coupon for dinner for blood donators only. However he gives too much and faints. He can't find his coupon so he messes up his hair and clothes and pretends to be homeless to get free food at the shelter.
However the shelter is on the news, and unknown to Bart, (although he's aware that likely his family are watching) The Simpsons are watching the news. Bart figuring that his family may see the broadcast announces he has no family and that he is not sorry. At home everyone is horrified Bart has sunk so low.
Upon leaving the shelter, Bart is attacked by two hobos, but Oscar saves him by stabbing them. Oscar offers to take Bart in, greatly pleased by Bart's sudden bout of bad behavior. They arrive at an abandoned house that Oscar is squatting in. The house is surprisingly well furnished. (With stolen goods) and Oscar's "pets" Teddy and Clownja and Dino are roaming around. They are about to have dinner. Krusty burgers. Bart eagerly joins in.
Everyone goes home disappointed in Bart, and Lisa is in her room crying.
That evening Bart is homesick and wants to go home. Oscar escorts him home, but let's him know he's always welcome if he wants to run away again. Bart is about to go inside, but has second thoughts after having a waking nightmare/imagination spot of his family berating him and making him apologise for everything. He decides he won't go in.
Bart then climbs on the roof and finds some old toys that got stuck up there. He plays with them until he hears Lisa crying. He uses the air pipe to talk to her via the air vents. She explains everyone has gone home. Bart asks how are mom and dad. She responds that they are crying, much to Bart's evil joy. She then admits that perhaps it was both their fault and that she knows Bart feels bad deep down. Bart reluctantly agrees and after Lisa joins him on the roof, they have a heart to heart talk before Bart goes inside.
The family are just glad Bart is safe and sound and they have sandwiches. Meanwhile Oscar is glad Bart learnt nothing and laughs evilly with red demonic eyes.