Bart vs Australia Bart prank phone calls an Australian so the Simpsons have to go to Australia for some reason so Bart can be punished because Mayor Quimby thinks they'll start a war with boomerangs and spears...
Bart and Lisa are in the bathroom one morning squirting toothpaste and shampoo down the sink to race them.
“Go toothpaste! Move your pasty white butt!” said Bart.
“Bite my pasty white clown ass!” said John DiMaggio’s Joker From Batman: Under the red hood.
Bart rolled his eyes.
“Come on shampoo! You can do it!” Lisa cheered.
“There! I won your stupid bathroom cleaning products race!” said Lisa.
"I would have won if the water went the other way!" Bart insisted.
"Bart that's just an urban legend! The water always goes one way!" Lisa explained. "It's called the Coriolis effect."
"Not in the Southern Hemisphere!" Bart insisted.
"And the Southern Hemisphere..." Lisa replied.
“The water doesn’t follow your rules! It goes where it wants and does its own thing, like me...” said Bart.
“Fine prove it Bart.” said Lisa.
“Fine! I will.” said Bart.
Bart tried to demonstrate she was wrong by flushing the toilet. However even the toilet water went clockwise. He kept flushing and trying to scoop the water the other way.
While he was doing this Homer was having a shower.
“I’m singing in the shower! Just singing in the show-aaaaaagh!” Homer sang.
Suddenly Homer's shower water went cold, then extremely hot, then cold etc. Homer screamed as the water temperature went up and down because of Bart flushing the toilet.
”Bart stop playing with the toilet!” Marge yelled from somewhere.
Later Marge found Bart still in his jammies with his hand in the toilet trying to make the water go the other way.
"Hmmmmm! Bart use the toilet brush!" Marge nagged him.
Bart then used the house phone to prank call Australia by asking which way the water went. He lied to the Australian kid that it was important.
“Something about people being sucked down their toilets or other.”
Tobias explained that all the water went the same way, just as Lisa explained.
Bart frustrated slammed down the phone.
”She’s right. Stupid Lisa Science Queen!”
Bart tried other countries in the southern atmosphere. Such as Brazil.
Adolf Hitler who was somehow alive answered the phone but shut himself out of his car. “Scheisse!” He swore.
“Sieg Heil Señor Fuhrer!” said a Brazilian man on a bike.
“Ja ja... Auf Wiedersen...” said Hitler.
Then Bart called Hawaii. There was a major volcanic eruption, or the apocalypse because there was lava everywhere and a man was sitting on the roof of his house waiting to be rescued. A floating telegraph pole with a phone on it ringing floated past. The man went to answer it but lost his grip and fell into the lava screaming as he was vaporised.
Then Bart annoyed no one was answering called Uruguay. There were loads of gay men living there.
“Hellooooooo sailor!” A gay man answered a street phone.
Bart screamed and put the phone down in horror.
Then he rung up the Presidenté, a dictator of a Latin American country. But his assistant answered the phone. Unfortunately no one on that line spoke any English. Bart frustrated tried to make out what language they were speaking. Either Spanish or Portuguese. Before giving up and putting down the phone annoyed.
Later on Lisa was still explaining him that even in the Southern Hemisphere the water went the same way.
“The Southern Hemisphere?” Bart acted stupid.
“Bart, did you ever look at that globe Grampa bought you for your birthday...” Lisa sighed as there was an atlas globe wrapped in wrapping paper. Lisa unwrapped it.
“Under this line, called the equator, are all the Southern Hemisphere countries. Like Brazil, Tonga, Paraguay...“
“And Rand McNally!” said Bart stupidly pointing out the company logo of the company that made the globe.
“Yes Bart... Rand McNally. Where the people were hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.” Lisa said sarcastically.
“Cooooool!” said Bart.
Oscar screamed when Lisa mentioned hamburgers eating people and ran out of Bart’s room.
Later he was calling more countries about the Coriolis effect.
“Hey, Bart, the bakery caught fire and all of downtown smells like cookies. Want to go smell?” Homer called from downstairs.
“Yes. Yes, I do.” said Bart. He put the phone down.
However a day later, the Australian kid, called Tobias was told off by his dad for racking up a huge telephone bill.
"Tobias! What's with this bonza phone bill?! You better have an explanation before I tan your hide!"
"But it was the water commissioner! They said it was an emergency!" said Tobias.
"An emergency! There's nothing wrong with the outhouse is there?!" Yelled the Australian dad.
He then rang up Bart, where in America it was the middle of the night. Bart pranked him by pretending to be Dr Bart's receptionist in a girly voice and started singing like Ralph. And then putting on Dr Bart's voice as if a call had been transferred to him from his receptionist. He then started arguing with the Australian.
”Dr Simoson’s clinic! This is his secretary speaking!” Bart spoke in a high voice.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
”Ssshhhh!” Bart hushed him.
”Now you listen here! You-“ Bruno yelled.
”I’ll just put you through to Dr Simpson! Please hold!” said the receptionist in falsetto.
Bart then hummed a tune sounding like Ralph when he absentmindedly hummed.
Oscar laughed until Bart hand gagged him.
"This is Dr Bart Simpson, may I help you ma'am?" chimed the boy in a gruff accent.
"Hey!" The Australian dad fumed. "My name is Bruno Drundridge, right? You owe me $900!"
"No, you owe me $900!" Bart taunted.
The argument got heated. Bart hoped he wouldn't wake his parents.
Then he said something that really shouldn't have been said. "Hey I think a dingo is eating your baby!"
The Australian man put down the phone in anger. He then went to see his MP.
"That's a bloody outrage! I'm taking this to the Prime Minister!" said the MP who lived next door on a pig farm.
"Mistah Prime Minister! ... Andy!" Screamed the MP at a man floating on an inflatable ring drinking beer in the middle of a lake.
"What's the good word?" Andy asked.
Andy the Prime Minister wrote a letter requesting Bart be sent to Australia to apologize.
Meanwhile Bart had another idea with Help from Oscar to show up Lisa and her annoying Coriolis effect. Just like how I put a stop to that annoying Mandela effect... said Bart’s Brain.
“Oh Lisa... this is... Uh who is this Oscar?” Bart asked about a random boy standing there.
“He was from a short lived live action tv series on CITV about a boy who has all manner of mysterious things happen around him, like having smelly gym shoes and controlling water on an elemental scale.” said Oscar. “You should see what he can do with his urine stream at a urinal!”
“Uh no. We do not want to see that Oscar!” Bart did not want see that. “Just make the water swirl the other way um whoever you are.” Bart asked the unnamed boy.
Bart turned on the sink, annoyingly it spun clockwise as it should do. But when the boy focused his mind it suddenly swirled the other way.
“Ha! See Lisa! The water does go the other way!” Bart boasted.
“No fair! That’s cheating Bart!” Lisa yelled. “No supernatural powers!”
Word soon spread to the Simpsons about Bart’s prank phone calls to Australia.
Bart was soon told off by his angry parents, given a strangling by Homer and a visit from Mayor Quimby and his governors ordering the Simpsons to comply.
"Bart's little shenanigan couldn't have come at a worse time Mr and Mrs Simpson." A governor explained. "Relations with Australia are at an all time low. Especially since America had a thing for Australian culture for a while and Australia thought that would be permenant, what with Taz cartoons etc." He continued. "They've started to get hostile..."
"Especially since they have boomerangs! Oh god the dreaded boomerangs!" said Quimby.
"Well I'm not paying hundreds of dollars to fly there on top of Bart's fine, which is what again?" Homer asked.
"Nine hundred Australian dollars. Which is 750 of ours." said a governor.
Homer screamed. "I'm not paying that! Make Bart pay that!"
"Of course if you can't afford the flight there, there are alternatives." said the governor, Conor.
"Such as?" Homer asked.
"We can always go to Kansas and hope a tornado scoops us up and takes us to Oz..." said Oscar.
"Oscar... don't be silly..." Bart sighed.
"I meant, that if Bart won't or can't go to Australia he will be sent to prison for five years." said the governor/Mayor lackey.
"Tough but fair." Homer agreed. "Boy, go with the man."
Marge gasped. They didn't like that so they'd try to scrimp up enough money to go to Australia.
Later Homer was looking at a globe for Australia.
"Well I be damned! Australia!" He read out the name of the country slowly. "Hey look at this stupid country! You are gay! Hehehehe!"
"That's Uruguay Dad..." Lisa sighed.
They flew to Australia. During the trip the camera goes through the Earth where we see fossils of dinosaurs and The Tracey Ullman Show Simpsons. Then we go through the Earth's core where Vishnu is hard at work pulling levers and pushing buttons. He sighs and wipes his brow.
Getting off the plane, Oscar annoyed everyone by singing "We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!"
"Oz stop singing that right now or I'll feed you to a crocodile!" Bart yelled.
"Remember boy this isn't a holiday! You're here just apologise for your stupid prank!" Homer scolded Bart.
"Are we upside down now?" Oscar asked.
"No Oscar Australia is not upside down." Lisa explained. "Gravity pulls us in towards the Earth's core from all directions. Down is always down where ever you are on the globe. It's also winter here when it's summer in the northern hemisphere!"
"Oh my god! Opposite land!" Oscar gasped as they went through security. Homer was getting a pat down.
"No Oscar it's not opposite land..." Lisa sighed.
"Dogs walk people? Hot snow falls up?" Oscar asked.
"Yes Oscar..." said Lisa sighing.
"Where are the munchkins?" Oscar asked looking out the airport windows.
"Oz! That's a fantasy film! None of that's real!" Bart yelled.
“I hope we get to see some Tasmanian devils. The cartoon ones that spin around as little tornadoes.” said Oscar.
“Oscar those are fictional characters they don’t exist...” Bart was getting g increasingly frustrated with him.
A small purple tornado spun about near them making silly noises, mostly blowing raspberry noises with its tongue. The tornado stopped to reveal it was Dizzy Devil from Tiny Toons.
Bart face palmed.
“Okay we left America at 1:30 Monday morning. What time is it now?” Homer asked.
“5:30 Sunday afternoon.” said Lisa.
“Oh my god! We time travelled to the past!“ Oscar yelled being stupid.
“No we haven’t Oz... it’s different time zones...” Lisa sighed.
“We can stop Paul Keating getting elected!” Oscar yelled.
Lisa face palmed. “No we can’t...”
“You’ll also be fascinated to learn that it is summer over head, not winter.” Lisa explained reading a brochure.
Homer was inexplicably wearing winter clothes and holding skis. “Ooooooh!” he groaned.
Oscar opened his mouth to ask about opposite land again.
”Yes Oscar... burgers eat people here...” Lisa sighed.
Oscar screamed and hid under some unclaimed suitcases.
”I thought that was Russia...” said Homer.
”No Dad. That’s Yakov Smirnoff reversal jokes...” Lisa sighed. “I’m just humouring Oscar’s weird, outlandish nonsense...”
Bart saw a sign saying no non native flora or fauna permitted beyond this point.
“Hey what gives man?! I thought the Australians spoke English!” said Bart.
“It says not to introduce non native creatures because they can upset the ecosystem.” said Lisa.
Bart wasn't allowed to take his pet frog Bart Jr so he released it into the wild. "Sorry boy, I can't take you with me." He said as he released the bullfrog. It hopped away towards a kangaroo that adopted it. (Laughs hysterically)
At the embassy they were confused because a guard was welcoming them into America.
"Dude, this is Australia!" Bart explained.
The guard explained in a loud military tone that he was guarding the American embassy of Australia so technically the inside of the embassy was American property.
"Oh cool! Look kids! I'm in America! Now Australia! America! Australia!" He kept doing that until the guard whacked him.
"We don't tolerate that kind of crap in America sir!" said the guard.
Later in the embassy they found another guard.
"Hey! I bet he's one those guards that can't smile or do anything and you can annoy them no matter what!" Homer explained. He started pulling faces at the guard.
The guard whacked him. "No you're thinking of the Royal guards in England, sir..." said the guard.
The Simpsons got used to Australia and its ways. First they went to a bar.
"I'll have one of your largest beers, like they drink in the commercials." said Homer.
The Bar tender obliges with an enormous glass of beer that Homer realizes that even he can't drink.
“Oh dear. I did not think this through.” Homer sighed paying for the very large glass of beer.
Meanwhile Marge tries to order a small coffee.
"Coffee?" Marge asks.
"Beer?" The bar tender replies.
"No no no. A coffee." Marge repeats.
"Beer?" The bar tender asks.
”No, coffee.“ Marge sighed.
"C O F..." Marge spells out.
"B E E R...." The man replies.
Marge sighs annoyed at him.
Then a Paul Hogan look a like is pestering Bart and Lisa. "You call that a knife? This is a knife!" said the Paul Hogan look a like pulling out a spoon.
"That's a spoon..." said Bart.
"Oh... so it is." said the man sheepishly.
"This is a knife!" said Hans Moleman pulling out an enormous knife from his walking stick. But it was too heavy. "Oh dear..." he fell over from its weight.
"Why is he here?" Bart asked in disbelief.
"Part of a running gag." Oscar replied.
Then they learned Australian history.
”It says Britain sent all their prisoners over and just left them here.” said Lisa.
Oscar laughed. “Yeah that was hilarious. Rather they robbed primitive spear tossers than us...”
Lisa frowned. “Oz, those primitive spear tossers killed Captain Cook.”
Oscar screamed. “Those monsters!”
Then they watched sports in the bar.
Homer cheered even though he had no idea about the sport being played, Rugby. And what teams were playing. “(Screams with delight.) Yeah! Whooooo! Alright! We’re number one! We’re number one!”
”Do not incur the wrath of the space chicken!” Oscar yelled.
Then they were having a break in their hotel room.
Oscar was watching TV. “Cool the Space Mutants movie with the Australian couple!”
“That’s Space Mutants IV: The land of the down under.” said Bart.
“And it’s also R rated! You can’t watch that!” said Marge.
Oscar made a rude face at her.
In the movie there was an Australian man and his girlfriend making love one night in their car in the out back but the girlfriend was worried about something.
“I’m just worried about what happened to that poor dingo...” said the girlfriend.
“He’s in a better place now sweetheart.” said the Australian man.
There was a noise.
“What was that?” The girlfriend asked.
“Probably just a wallaby. There’s nothing harmful out here. Let’s kiss.” said the Australian man.
“Oh okay.” said the girlfriend. They made out.
But then a terrifying green alien monster with tentacles making disturbing sounds grabbed them and ate them. It was also carrying its baby in a pouch.
Oscar screamed in terror.
“Told you so.” said Marge.
”Well Marge time to take the boy to receive his punishment and fine for insulting Australia....” said Homer. “You girls and eh... Oz enjoy yourselves!”
”But Bart didn’t insult Australia! He’s here to apologise for pranking an Australian man and running up a nine hundred dollar phone bill trying to disprove the Coriolis effect.” said Lisa. “And we will enjoy ourselves! Thanks Dad!”
“Eh...” said Homer leaving with Bart.
Homer then took Bart to apologize to the Australian government and face his punishment.
He got up and apologized seriously like he was deeply sorry. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to your country.
A magistrate thanked him for apologising.
"I now leave you to your ten year old reruns." said Bart. Australian TV is behind American TV.
"No please don't tell us how Cheers ends!" A magistrate cried.
"Well enjoy your two year old reruns of Doctor Who Bart..." Oscar said smugly.
"Oz, no one in America likes that show..." Bart replied.
"Well, you're free to go Bart..." said the prime minister. "...right after your additional punishment!"
However the governor then explained his punishment would be to be kicked up the butt by a scary Australian dude in a leather jacket with a big boot.
"Uh-oh." Bart gulped.
However Homer held everyone hostage with the boot and then ran away with Bart. Apparently he doesn’t agree with Bart being kicked up the butt.
"After him!" The governor yelled.
Meanwhile Marge and Lisa were in a shop buying things. However the shopkeeper had a plague of bullfrogs to sweep out of the shop.
"What are these mini kangaroos reptiles?!" Squeaky voiced Teen of Australia asked.
"We have those back in America. They're called Bullfrogs." Marge explained.
"That's a funny name! We'd call them hoppers!" said squeaky voiced teen.
"Lisa!" Bart ran screaming past the shop.
"Marge!" Homer screamed, following.
Homer and Bart passed some kangaroos.
"I know! We can ride in their pouches like in cartoons!" Homer said to Bart. However there was some kid of gross goo in their pouches...
"Eeeew! This is nothing like the cartoons!" Bart groaned.
Link gave Ricky the boxing kangaroo an awkward look. "Uh no offence Ricky but I'll walk..."
Meanwhile in an Australian house with Tobias and his father.
”Where is that Simpson brat and his father?! And my nine hundred dollary doos!?” Tobias’s father yelled.
”I don’t think they’re coming Pa.” said Tobias.
”Crikey!” The father yelled instead of D’oh! “That just tans my hide!”
Elsewhere Marge and the girls, and Oscar were on a tour around town learning about Australia.
”Excuse me, but are there any venomous or poisonous creatures we should watch out for?” Marge asked.
”Crikey Shelia! This is Australia yer talking about! Everything here is poisonous! This banana is poisonous! (He peeled a banana.), This monkey is poisonous! (There was a monkey sitting nearby.) This here is poison oak! (There was a poison oak tree for some reason standing there.)” said the Australian tour guide.
Marge sighed. “We should really call it a day and see what mess your father and brother have got themselves into....” said Marge.
”But I want to see a drop bear!” Oscar whined. A koala face hugged him by latching onto his face. He ran around screaming trying to get the koala off of himself.
At the embassy the Simpsons had barricaded themselves in against the angry Australians.
Angry Australians were yelling and trying to get at them.
”Yeah keep ranting and raving. No wonder you people are so full of rage. Your ancestors are all the criminals my country brought over and marooned in the 1700s.” said Oscar.
The Australians got madder and pulled at the gate trying to wrench it open.
”Oz don’t antagonise them...” Lisa whined.
Some negotiator guy called Evan Conover calls up the Australian parliament to negotiate with them an alternative punishment other than kicking Bart up the butt.
“How about two Candy apples...” said Evan Conover. “One candy apple? How about one candy apple and one Carmel...” What the hell is he negotiating...
“Gimme that!” Marge took the phone. “Now you listen here! I know Bart did a bad thing but that doesn’t make it right to kick a small child up the butt! I will take Bart home and punish him myself!” There is some talking. “They won’t let us leave the country. I’ve got it down to a kick up the butt or I call their bluff and punish Bart in front of them and the rest of Australia.”
Evan took the phone. “And about those candy apples...” the man asked the Australian government about candy apples...
"No offence but I just don't think you should punish a child in public by kicking them up the butt! I don't agree to it!" Marge explained.
“How about a smaller boot.” Avril asked.
“No.” said Bart.
"Ok, just an apology." said an important public figure of Australia.
"Sorry." Bart apologized for prank calling them.
"And now bend over so we can kick you in the ass." said the governor.
"But!" Bart protested. "It's time for me to bend over and receive my destiny. "
"Just do it Bart before they throw boomerangs at us!" Quimby demanded.
Bart sighed and did so.
"This is for the Common Wealth of Australia!" said the official.
Bart jumped out the way just before he got kicked. "And this is for the United States of America!" He mooned them while singing the American anthem in hums. On his butt said in blue letters "Don't tread on me!"
The angry Australians broke down the gate. The Simpsons and Mayor Quimby escaped just in time and got on a helicopter back to America.
"Wow! I'm impressed you managed to write legibly on your own butt Bart!" Lisa remarked.
"Look!" Homer gasped.
Outside down below hundreds of frogs were eating the Australian crops.
"That's what happens when you introduce a species into an ecosystem that can't handle them!" Lisa explained. They all laughed.
Meanwhile an evil koala was latched onto the foot of the helicopter while creepy music played!