Bart the Murderer Is an episode of Season Three in my fanon. Bart joins the Mafia and apparently murders Principal Skinner..
Meanwhile Homer finds his evil wish that Flanders goes bankrupt is coming true and lets it happen. Oscar is caught gloating and laughing evilly as the Flanders leave so Lisa gets mad at him..
Plot[]
At the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Smithers is in Mr Burns's office making his tea. He has some news for Mr Burns.
"I've got to pick up my cousin from the airport this afternoon, sir."
Mr Burns groans in disinterest. "Very well... Do not be late..."
The Batman theme plays as the screen wipes to the next scene.
...
Meanwhile Bart has a bad day. His alarm clock did not work and he stepped on a tiny plastic dinosaur. “Ouch!” He hobbles down to breakfast.
Bart is chirpy at breakfast despite hurting his foot stepping on a plastic dinosaur.
“What are you so chirpy about?” Lisa asked.
“Got my homework done, got my mojo back. And I’m going to the chocolate factory today as a school trip!” said Bart.
“Yeah that was one heck of a battle against Dr Evil to get your mojo back.” said Oscar.
Bart winced at Oscar.
Homer took his glow in the dark badge from his cereal.
“Hey! Why stole the prize at the bottom of my cereal?!” Bart whined.
“Look Marge! I’m a police officer! You have the right to remain sexy! Anything you you show may be held lovingly in the court of sex.”
“Ahehehehe! Homer not in front of the kids!” Marge giggled touched by his romantic gestures.
“Hey! That is my glow in the dark police badge from my cereal!” said Bart annoyed.
“Well tough. It’s mine now.” said Homer.
“Homer that’s a kid’s toy! Give it back! You’ve had your fun...” said Marge.
“Fine...” Homer sighed. He gave. Bart the glowin the dark plastic cop badge.
Bart went to collect his finished homework only to gasp astonished as Santa’s little helper was eating his homework. “You ate my homework?! I didn’t know dogs actually did that...”
He missed the school bus and he forgot to get his permission slip to the school trip to the chocolate factory signed. And he was late from missing the bus.
,wait! Otto! Wait!” Bart chases after the bus as it sped off without him.
“Why did Otto take Lisa and not Bart? Oh well I’ll drive you to school sweetie.” said Marge.
Bart arrived to class late.
“Bart you’re late. Take a tardiness slip.” said Mrs Krabappel.
“But Mrs K! I’m not retarded!” said Bart. Everyone except Oscar laughed. He glared at Bart.
“Bart Tardiness means being late.... you’re forty minutes late in fact!”
“Forty minutes!? I am late!, said Bart.
Outside at recess Bart was showing off to the girls on the climbing frame.
“Look at me girls!” He curls himself up around a bar of the climbing frame. Suddenly he rips his shorts exposing his underwear. The girls laugh at him.
“Okay girls.... you can stop laughing now...” said Bart.
“Well children it’s thirteen hundred hours! That’s one pm... almost time for the fourth grade trip to the chocolate factory!” said Skinner. “I hope you all brought your permission slips!”
Bart realised he left his at home. “Aaaaaaaaaaaghhhhh!” He screamed.
He watched as his class mates left with out him.
“I’m gonna eat eight pieces of chocolate,” said a weird kid who wanted an exact amount of chocolate.
“I’m gonna eat until I barf!” said Nelson.
“Mmmmmmmm! Schokolade!” said Uter the German kid.
Bart instead has to spend the day with Principal Skinner licking envelopes until his tongue was sore.
...
The rest of fourth grade and second grade go to the chocolate factory. They beat up the cocoa bean mascots, eat all the candy and a student swims naked in the chocolate. Martin blithe only good kid watched the film in the chocolate factory cinema of Smiling Injun the Native American with a big smile explaining how the Aztecs discovered chocolate. And that it was smoked not eaten originally.
Then there was a Troy McClure film.
“Hi I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such films as, The Revenge of Abraham Lincoln! (Coooool!) and The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the Wild West!” said Troy. I like the revenge of Abraham Lincoln!
...
Bart is allowed home early and rides his bike home in the rain. However he slips and falls down some stairs to a basement level seedy bar. And that bar is run by the Springfield Mafia!
Bart is taken to the Don, Fat Tony. Fat Tony likes his spunky personality and hires him as a bartender when impressed by his ability to mix cocktails.
Then he was asked what horse to bet on.
“Eat my shorts!” Bart said rudely.
“Eat my- Why you little punk!” The high pitched mobster with curly hair yelled. But that was a horse’s name...
“And they’re off! Eat my shorts is off to a flying start, followed by Sufferin’ succotash! Followed by Yabba Dabba Doo! Followed by that’s all folks! Followed by Ain’t I a Stinker! And Eat My Shorts wins!” What an oddly named bunch of horses...
“Wow the kid’s a natural!” said Legs.
Bart then makes Manhattans for the mobsters.
...
Eventually Bart comes home. Oscar saved him some chocolate from the factory and got back his glow in the dark badge.
"Awww! But I found it!" Homer whines.
"Homer! It's a kid's toy!" Marge nags.
Homer goes off muttering something under his breath.
Bart explains he has a job. Working for the mob! Making cocktails and gambling! He was wearing a nice suit and talking mafia. “WhatsA matter with you? Mamma Mia!”
“Bart I don’t want you doing that!” said Marge. “Homer say something!”
“Buttocks!” Homer yelled.
“That’s not what I meant! Tell Bart he can’t work for the mob!” said Marge.
“Sure he can! Because I want to be irresponsible today! How much do you earn boy?” said Homer.
“Thirty dollars.” said Bart.
“Wow that’s more than me! This could be a good idea Marge!” said Homer.
“Oooooooh!” Marge moaned frustrated.
...
While mowing the lawn, with the lawn edge trimmer, Homer is visited by Ned who is holding a barbecue for the entire flock of church goers.
“Now Homer you silly goose! That’s just for the edge of the lawn! You’re gonna be out here all day!” Ned explained.
“I know what I’m doing Flanders.” said Homer.
“Okily dokiky!” said Ned.
He gives Homer a letter.
“What’s this?” Homer asked.
“The Reverend is holding a barbecue for all the church goers in town! It’s gonna be mmmmmmmm! Spectacular!” said Ned.
"Wanna come, Neighborino?" Ned asks.
"No! What part of that do you not understand?" Homer yells frustrated that his weed whacker, which he is trying to use to cut the entire lawn, won't work.
"I'll just post this in case you change your mind."
"Drop dead, Flanders." Homer takes the weed whacker into the garage.
Later Homer is sleeping in the lounge. Marge comes in with a leaflet.
"Ned's invited us all over for a barbecue! Isn't that nice?" Marge said with a smile.
"Forget it. We're not going!" Homer growls.
"Uh, excuse me! You might not want to go, but we do! And we're going! You can stay here laying on that couch all day if you want!" Marge argues before walking off.
"Yeah, don't be such a stick in the mud, Homeboy." Bart remarks.
"Yeah, Dad. Why don't you like Mr Flanders?"
"Just go away! I hate stupid Flanders!" Everyone leaves.
"Don't worry, your dad can't resist barbecue food!" Marge snickers.
...
Everyone goes next door to the Flanders house. Homer is at home sulking.
"Homer's not coming?" Ned asks.
"He's not feeling very well..." Marge lies. "But I've left a window open so he can get some fresh air.
"Mmm hmmm! God's wonderful air will do him good!" Ned replies as he cooks the burgers.
Meanwhile Maude is making drinks.
"Water?! Hey lady, where's the juice?" Bart whines.
"Oh, our boys can't have sugar. And it's Maude, not lady."
"Fine..." Bart resisted the urge to say 'Ok lady, I love you, bye bye!' Which he used to say all the time as a baby. Meanwhile Oscar had snuck in a pixie stick from the chocolate factory. He was trying to offer it to Rod and Todd.
"We aren't allowed sugar." Rod explained.
"There's no sugar in pixie sticks." Oscar lies.
"Ok." Rod takes it and has some sherbet and Todd has some. Suddenly they start arguing.
"Hey! Don't hog it all smelly breath!"
"It's mine too, Fathead!"
"Gimme!" They suddenly start fighting.
"Cooool!" Bart laughs evilly.
"Yup! Definitely cool!" Oscar grins watching the Flanders kids fight.
...
Ned gets the burgers on. The smell vapours travel into the Simpsons house and bother Homer.
"Nngh! Go away stupid cartoon smells!" Homer groans. However the smell is too delicious. "Mmmm! Barbecue..." He follows the smell to the Flanders back yard.
"Why hi diddly ho, Homer! Glad you could make it!" Ned greats him in Flanderish.
"Shut up. Only here for beer and food." Homer says in a trance as he takes a six pack of beer.
"That's the spirit! Reverend, can you keep an eye on the chicken? I think the boys are fighting again. Who gave them sugar?!" Ned runs off to discipline Rod and Todd.
"Sure Ned..." Reverend Lovejoy replies in a bored tone.
...
At the food table Homer takes lots of burgers.
"Hey you made it, Homeboy!" Bart says while eating a burger.
"Can't talk, eating." Homer takes his burgers and beers to a tree in the corner.
...
Eventually it's time for a speech. Ned announces he is leaving his job as a pharmacist to open a shop for left handed people or 'southpaws' like himself. Called the lefttorium.
"Hey Ned, I got a wishbone. Want to pull it?" Homer yells.
"Now, Homer, you know superstition is the Devil's work-"
"Bwarkbwarkbwark!" Homer makes chicken sounds.
"Fine... make a wish..." Ned sighs as he pulls it.
"Fine." But I'm not telling you what it is... Stupid Flanders, I wish his store went bust and he lost all his money...
The Wishbone snapped, Homer got the bigger half.
"Well, congratulations! Wait, don't tell me what you wished for! It won't come true!" Ned accepts defeat in a dignified manner.
"Ooooh! I wouldn't want that!" Homer smirks deviously and talks with a mouthful of food. He laughs evilly and loudly until he suddenly chokes and turns purple.
"Homer!" Marge gasps.
"Dad!!" Bart and Lisa cry,
"Ned, do something!" Maude exclaims.
"Good thing I have a medical certificate!" Ned uses the heimlich to help Homer cough up the food that was choking him.
...
The next day Lisa keeps asking for a pony.
"Hey, Flutterbarf, you've had you're birthday." Bart replies. He goes off to work at Fat Tony's.
While there, Fat Tony needs him to do a favour. They are smuggling cigarettes and need someone to hold them until they can safely be collected by the client.
"Wouldn't that be, um, illegal?" Bart asks.
"Bart. Is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your family?" Fat Tony asks.
"Hell no!" Bart replies.
"And suppose your family doesn't like bread, but cigarettes? Is that wrong?"
"Well, no!"
"Smart boy. You do this and you'll be rewarded." Fat Tony scruffles his hair.
Plot 2[]
At home, Bart is in his room surrounded by boxes of Laramie cigarettes. Homer suddenly comes in horrified.
"Bart! Who are all these cigarettes?!"
"They're not mine! They're-" Bart tries to protest his innocence.
"So you like smoking do you?! You're gonna smoke all of these! Then you won't ever want to smoke again!" Homer sticks a cigarette in Bart's mouth.
"Hey Palley. Fat Tony gives his thanks. And the cigarettes a nice look." Says a guy who sounds like Raphael the sarcastic guy.
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you boy." Homer apologises grievously.
...
At work. Bart gets his wages and a reward. A smart suit his size and is made a 'Made man.' In the mafia.
"And as we agreed. Your sister gets a pony..." replies Fat Tony.
...
That night Lisa wakes up to find a pony's head in her bead and screams loudly. However she finds it's a whole, live pony who licks her. She rides the pony throughout the house.
"Wheeeee!" Lisa yells as she rides past Homer and Marge's room.
"Who got her the pony?!" Marge groans.
"Well don't look at me?! I can't afford a pony!" Homer replies as if being accused.
...
The next week Lisa and her pony are taken to horse riding school so Lisa can learn how to ride. (Also paid for by Fat Tony) Bart and Oscar are watching her ride with Ralph and a second year.
"She sure tamed that pony!" The boy explains.
"Yes, but what man could tame her heart?" Ralph says poetically.
"What the-? That was oddly poetic, Ralph?" Oscar gasps.
"Oh, I'm not Ralph..." says Ralph, he transformed into a shapeshifting reptilian alien monster and slithered away.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yells.
"After him!" Oscar yells.
"Why?" Bart asks.
"Because we can't let this get out!" Oscar replies as they chase after the shapeshifter.
That dinner, Bart comes home wearing a suit.
”Bada bing, Bada boom!”
Marge sighed.
That night she has words with Homer. There is a pizza van outside with a satellite dish on top...
“Bart’s been acting very strangely and that pizza delivery truck has been parked across the street for two weeks.” said Marge.
“How long does it take to deliver a pizza?” Inside the truck, FBI informants are spying on them for some reason...
“Our cover’s blown.“ said one of them. The pizza truck drove off.
”There, see Marge? It resolved itself.” said Homer.
Marge sighed.
...
At the Leftorium, No one wants to buy anything, they just want the free parkimg. Meanwhile at work, Mr Burns can't open a letter while addressing Homer's annoyance at the vending machine offering only apples.
At Home the taxman pays Homer an angry visit for not paying his taxes, but he keeps calling him Mr Flanders.
"Wait Flanders? He's next door!" Homer yells.
"Oh, Sorry there, um Mr Simpson. Oh and your tax is due soon." The Taxman replies.
"D'oh! Ooooh, so Ned's in financial trouble?" Homer asks slyly.
"I can't disclose that information, but yeah." The taxman leaves. Homer cheers. "Where can I get a left handed pen?"
...
At dinner Homer gloats that Ned's shop is doing badly and getting no customers.
"Dad, do you know what the German word for shameful joy is?"
"No... what is it?" Homer groans while stirring his mashed potato.
"Schadenfrued."
"Homer! How can you be so horrible to Ned?! He's our only neighbor!"
"No, there's whoever lives in that brown house next door..."
"That's my house. Well my squatting house." Oscar replies.
"And he just gives me... what's the opposite of that shameful joy thingy?"
"Sour grapes?" Lisa replies.
"Yeah that." Homer replies. "Stupid Flanders..."
...
At school Bart gets in trouble with Principal Skinner and tries to bribe him. He gets put in detention after school.
Afterwards he arrives late to work on a crucial day, a superior Don is visiting Fat Tony, and he needs to sweet talk him because of a horse bet. The high pitched mobster with short hair hair has to make cocktails but they're dry and awful.
"What did I do to deserve this dry Manhatten?" The Don asks. He gives Fat Tony the kiss of death and leaves.
Sometime later Bart arrives.
"Bart, you are late!" Fat Tony states coldly and dangerously.
"Of course I'm late! Stupid Principal Skinner held me after school!" Bart whines as he gets ready.
"This Skinner is causing you trouble?" Fat Tony asks.
"Of course! He's got me in trouble with you, er Fat Tony... I'm boned ain't I..."
"No of course not my little Corleone... Well I got the kiss of death, but I can sort that out." He scruffles Bart's hair. "Gentlemen, it's time we paid this Skinner a visit..." Fat Tony announces in a threatening manner.
...
The next day at school, Mr Largo, the music teacher announces because Principal Skinner hasn't turned up to work that school is closed.
“I thought I found him, but it was only a cat.” said Willie. How do you mistake Skinner for a cat?!
Everyone goes home happy. Except Lisa who loves school and Bart who is worried Fat Tony did something to Skinner. His friends making up silly stories about what happened doesn't help.
...
That night The Flanders family are packing their bags and leaving. Homer goes out to see them.
"Ned?! You're leaving?"
"Unfortunately. Bankrupt you see. The nice taxman gave me a few days, but the Leftorium was just a pipe dream so we're just gonna have to move him with Maude's parents until I find something new." Ned sighs in a miserable tone. "But tonight we're just gonna camp out in the car."
"Yay! Camping!" Rod and Todd cheer.
"Such troopers..." Ned sniffs as wipes away a tear.
Homer breaks down crying. "Oh God! What have I done?! I didn't want this!" He sobs loudly.
"Oh don't cry Homer! You're making me cry!" Ned hugs him and cries.
Oscar is watching from the treehouse. His dark side is taking over...
"Yes... You wanted all of this, Homer... Gahahahahaha!" However Lisa is putting the cat out for the night and can hear him.
...
That night, Bart has a nightmare involving Principal Skinner zombies accusing him of killing them and being sent to the electric chair. Bart wakes up screaming.
The next day Bart heads off to Fat Tony's.
"Bart, how unexpected? To what pleasure do we owe you?" Fat Tony greets him.
"Did you kill my principal?!" Bart asked.
"Slow down! Why these questions?"
"I'm serious! Principal Skinner's gone missing! And I know you mafia types! Is he sleeping with the fishes?" Before anyone could answer the police led by Chief Wiggum burst in.
"Freeze Fat Tony! You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!" Chief Wiggum announces as they're arrested. "And that includes you, Bart Simpson!" Bart gasps as Lou handcuffs him.
"I didn't do anything!" Bart cries as he's taken away.
...
At Home Oscar's watching cartoons when Lisa comes in. She is glaring at him.
"You are the nastiest, most foul little boy I've ever met..."
"Whoa? Who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Oscar gulps as she approaches him.
"Don't play dumb!" She prods his nose. "You made the Flanders bankrupt and got them to leave!"
"Why would I do that?" Oscar feigns innocence. It wasn't me anyway. It was just unfortunate he didn't know any left handers.
"Because you like causing misery! Don't you?!" Lisa snarls but before she could could continue Homer Marge gasps loudly from the hall way.
"Mom?!" Lisa asks. "This ain't over!" She snarls at Oscar before they run out to find the cops at their front door.
"Bart's been arrested! They think Principal Skinner's dead!"
"What?!" Everyone yells.
"No no! He's just missing, but because I can't find him, we're assuming his dead. Or has left the country." Chief Wiggum corrects them.
"Chief, can you not accuse everyone of being dead... now my brother's in prison." Lisa sighs.
"Guilty until proven innocent. Guilty until proven innocent." Chief Wiggum replies.
"But it's-" Lisa explained, but the police left.
"Come on, we'll get a solicitor."
"Did someone say solicitor?" Lionel Hutz asks from the bushes.
...
Meanwhile Bart is put in his cell. He shocked to find out who his cellmate is...
"Hello, Bart." Came a baritone voice. Bart looked up in horror at him...
"Aghhhh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart screams. The Sideshow Bob theme plays.
"Yes, the very same Sideshow Bob! Of course now I'm just plain Robert Underdunk Terwilliger Jr..." Sideshow Bob is lifting weights.
"Are you weightlifting?!" Bart asks.
"They prey on the weak here...Plus I want to look glamorous before I squeeze the life out of you!" Bart flinches away from Bob as he threatens him.
...
It's the day of Bart's trial. Homer's outside at Flanders old house dancing in a devil suit with a devil's trident singing "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" over and over. Lisa glares at Oscar as they get in the car.
"I hate you so much right now!"
"Homer, are you coming or are you gonna continue to act like jackass all day?" Marge asks.
"You guys go ahead. I have to get changed anyway. I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"
Marge hrmmms and drives off.
At the trial, Bart fortunately didn't get killed by Sideshow Bob and stands trial. Unfortunately Fat Tony makes him the scapegoat and blames him for everything.
Fat Tony?! How could you?! Bart glares at him. Next it's Bart's turn to take the stand.
Lionel Hutz reminds him that he has to swear on the bible and tell the truth.
"The truth ay?" Bart imagines himself with a blue censor on his face and a deep voice making a statement in court that the accused gangster killed someone and dumped their body off a cliff.
"I keel you!" screams the gangster as he tries to kill Bart.
"Ay carumba!" says Bart in a mismatched tone because of the celebrity's voice. The daydream then ends. Just as Bart's about to swear on the bible, Principal Skinner storms in.
"Stop this trial!" Everyone gasps at his arrival.
"Principal Skinner? You're alive? But how?" Judge Snyder asks.
"If I may take stand I'll explain." Skinner replies.
"Very well, you may return to the defence box, Bart." The judge dismisses Bart back to the defence box with Fat Tony's gang. Bart glares at Fat Tony.
"It all started one evening after school..." Skinner explains how Fat Tony paid him a visit and he angrily sent them away. Then later that evening at home a pile of old newspapers he intended to throw out had fallen on him and trapped him. He tried to call out but no one heard him. He goes on to explain how he survived on his mother's jars of preserved apricots and thanks to a science experiment he helped Martin with he builds a rocket pen to retrieve the vacuum cleaner to pull himself free from the newspapers.
"Objection you're honor! This is highly unorthodox!" Yells the blue haired lawyer.
"Denied! Case dismissed!" Judge Snyder yells and slams down his gavel. Bart and Fat Tony's gang are freed.
Plot 3[]
As Fat Tony's gang leave they ask Bart for forgiveness.
"Sorry, Tony, but I've learnt today that crime doesn't pay." said Bart yo Fat Tony.
”As you wish Bart,” said Fat Tony. The gangsters drive off to Italian music.
"Well that's my story. But what of Homer and Neds?" Bart asks.
"Uh, we won't be seeing the Flanders anymore..." Marge sighs.
Lisa was glaring at Oscar.
“Okay, what when on while I was working for Fat Tony...” Bart sighed.
...
At the Simpsons Bart saw the Flanders pack up and leave. “They really are leaving...” Then he saw a car pull up shortly after the Flanders left for good. A tough muscular blond fellow got out with his wife and kids.
”Ah new meat! Time to introduce myself! Mwuhahahaha!” Bart laughed evilly. He went off next door to greet the new neighbours and put them off but Homer got there first.
”Hey. I’m Homer. Homer J Simpson. I’m your new neighbour.” said Homer.
”I don’t care. Get out of my face, lardass...” said the rude neighbour.
Homer whimpered as the new neighbours went inside Ned’s old house.
...
At Lenny’s house. Homer etc are gambling.
“All right, I raise a quarter.” said Moe,
“I'm out.“ said Lenny.
“I'm out.” said Carl.
“I'm out.” said Barney.
[Groans] Homer groaned looking at his cards.
“Homer,you want any cards?” Moe asked him. “Homer!“ Homer was choking!
[Gagging] [Grunts] Moe slapped his back and he coughed up a poker chip. “Whoo. Don't try to eat these so-called "chips.””
Oscar laughed as he wrote up the episode.
”Homer do not eat the poker chips...” said Lenny.
“Do you want another card or not?” Moe asked Homer impatiently.
“Huh? Okay. I'll take three.” Homer took three cards. “D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!” They were all bad. He has no poker face. “Uh, I mean, whoo-hoo. I'm in.” Homer wagered.
“Let's see your cards.” said Moe.
“Oh, I was bluffing.” Homer laid out his cards in defeat.
[Laughs] “Come to papa!” Moe took the chips but saw Homer had won. “Wait a minute. You have a straight flush, Homer. G'oh! You do this every time!” Moe was angry and choking on his own rage. “ya-- Oh, you-- [ Gagging ] Chokin' on my own rage, here.”
“Or you tried to eat a poker chip too....” said Oscar.
“Hey, don't yell at Homer just 'cause he's a little slow.” said Carl. [Gasps] Homer has a monologue. “Something was said. Not good. What was it? "Don't yell at Homer"! No, that's okay. What was it? "Slow." They called you "slow"!”
“How dare you call me that? I-- Huh?“ Homer yelled but some time had passed and the lounge was dark and his friends had gone home, except Lenny as this was his home. He came down in his pyjamas surprised Homer was still here.
“Hey, Homer,you still here? Boy,you are slow.” said Lenny.
[Gasps] Homer thought again. “Something said. Not good.”
”Get the hell out of here.” Lenny kicked him out.
(Homer grunts.)
(Door slam)
(Door opens) Vernon Dursley growls like a walrus. Then slams the door shut.
At the Simpsons house they are eating like pigs as they scarf down their food.
“So anyhoo, last night we're playin' poker, right?“ said Homer making conversation. “As usual, I'm winning and not realising it.” he continued. “And Lenny says that I'm, uh-- [Chuckles] get this-- [Laughing] "a little slow"! [Laughing Loudly]“ He wonders why no one is laughing. “How come you're not laughing? Do you think I'm slow?”
”Well uh....” Bart started but Marge interrupted.
“Homie I don’t think you’re slow.”
”Awwwww!” Homer smiled.
”However I do think you’re a very wicked man!” said Marge sharply. Homer gasped. “Gambling?! You know gambling is a sin!”
”Gambling is not a sin Marge...” Homer sighed.
”Homer I’m not arguing with you. It’s a sin... In fact ever since Ned declared bankruptcy and left, this whole darn neighbourhood has descended into sin and debauchery!” said Marge. She looked out the window onto the streets at night.
Satanic cultists in black robes walked the streets with flaming torches. One held a goat on a leash and a knife in his other hand.
Barney walked about naked and drinking beer. He belched.
Then a Guy was selling illegal cable. “Illegal cable! Illegal cable here! Get your illegal cable here!”
Then a gay couple were snogging in the drive.
”Well okay I don’t mind that last one. They are a cute couple. Hehehehe!” Marge giggled.
”Coooool!” Oscar admires all the sin going on outside. Snake was robbing people.
“Well I’m off out.” said Bart.
”Bart why are you going out at this hour?” Marge stopped him.
”Because Lenny has grown some stupid flowers in his greenhouse and I’m gonna smash it all up!” Bart snapped and stormed off outside.
”You see Homer? You see?!” Marge yelled. “Bart you’re not gonna- Oh sugar booger!” Bart was long gone.
”Mom you have a car... get him...” Lisa sighed.
...
In the lounge the Simpsons and Oscar were watching TV.
Lisa was glaring at Oscar.
Troy McClure was announcing more funny named movies.
”Tonight’s movie is The Seven Year Old Bitch.” said Troy smiling and being dishy because Marge saw him as a real heartthrob.
”Starring Lisa Simpson.” Oscar added snarking.
”Oz enough! And I’m eight!” Lisa yelled.
”Oh kids please... don’t argue...” Marge sighed.
“What are you so happy about?” Bart asked. No one was yelling at him about Lenny’s greenhouse for some reason.
“Why shouldn't I be happy?” said Oscar.
”Because you drove one of the nicest, kindest of people and his family out of the neighbourhood!” Lisa snapped.
”No that was his own finances.” said Oscar. “He should have studied his accounts better.”
In town people noticed something important was missing.
”Ay palley! It’s difficult for a South Paw such as myself to write on a right handed notepad...” Said Raphael.
”Blast Smithers! I need a left handed can opener! I can’t open my pudding can!” Mr Burns ranted.
”Oscar why aren’t you cutting your craft paper?” The third grade teacher asked Oscar.
”I can’t use these scissors! I’m left handed!” said Oscar.
”Well this has come back to bite you, Oz...” Lisa smirked at lunch time.
”I can find another Left handed shop that’s not ran by an annoying bible basher.” Oscar snapped.
Bart joined them. “Oz, despite my sister giving you the evils, her hearts usually in the right place. The Flanders were geeks though...”
”They were not geeks!” Lisa frowned.
”Well I just found out in your thought bubble when you imagined yourself with a weird voice being threatened by a Cuban gangster, that your deep voice was provided by Neil Patrick Harris from How I Met Your Mother...” Oscar smirked.
”Oz no! No How I Met your Mother References...” Bart groaned.
”He’s also a voice actor and he was The Man In The Attic!” Oscar was being demented.
”No, that was my deranged brother Hugo. And he’s just a boy.” said Bart.
Speaking of the season eight spoiler.
Breakfast at the Simpsons.
Milhouse had his magic eight ball.
”Is that your magic 8 ball Milhouse?” Bart asked his friend.
”Yep.” said Milhouse.
“Why is it filled with the blue liquid from tampon commercials?” Hugo asked.
Homer threw down his newspaper and it slapped the kitchen table. “That's a very gross question, Hugo. You may take your breakfast in the attic.”
Hugo growled and took his bowl of cereal to the attic.
”This can’t be the end of the story, we have to get Mr and Mrs Flanders and their polite children back!” Lisa insisted.
”Yes dear we must.” said Marge.
”I don’t know Marge, it’s close to the end of the third act.” said Homer.
...
