Bart the Lover One day in detention Bart discovers Mrs Krabappel is lonely and writing love letters. He decides to prank her by posing as a lonely bachelor called Woodrow. Meanwhile Homer incurs the wrath of the new neighbour and laments making Ned have to move away.
One morning at school Bart’s class is watching a film about zinc.
A man called Jimmy wishes for a world without Zinc, phones don’t work, his grandma gets sick from a zinc malnutrition and he can’t commit suicide with a gun because guns don’t work without zinc.
Jimmy then begs for his wish to be undone. It was all a dream. He then has a boring speech about zinc.
“Eeeeew gross! He’s picking his nose!” Nelson does shadow puppets over the projected film.
“Thanks Nelson... Now if anyone would like to know any more about Zinc...” Mrs. Krabappel asked but everyone left for recess in a hurry.
“We can just sit and chat... I’ll even do your homework for you!” Mrs. Krabappel sighed feeling lonely.
That evening she went to Apu’s to do her groceries.
“And one Chef Lonely Hearst’s batch of soup for one.” sId Apu scanning her shopping.
“And one scratch em lottery ticket Apu.” said Mrs Krabappel.
Apu gave her a lottery ticket.
“Liberty bell, another liberty bell?! Oh could this be my lucky day? .... Bah.... it’s another purple fruit thing... where were you yesterday!?” Mrs Krabappel sighed.
“Um Mrs Krabappel that’s a plum...” Apu sighed.
“Well I have to go home. To my empty apartment...” said Mrs Krabappel. She paid for her shopping and left.
However on the way home her engine shudders-and car stalls. “Ooooooh!” she groaned.
She somehow got the car to a garage. The sarcastic mechanic tasted the gasoline in her gasoline feeder hole where you top up the car’s gas.... “Bingo Bango! Just as I thought! Sugar in the gas tank! Your ex husband strikes again!”
Mrs Krabappel sighed.
One day at school Bart is mucking about in class by riding on the world globe.
"Bart Simpson! Get down from there now!" Mrs Krabappel yells. The inertia sends him flying through the blackboard.
"(Sigh) And Bart Simpson has decided to volunteer as the sun..." Ms Hoover can be heard.
"Eh... Hi Lisa..." Bart is dizzy. Lisa frowns at her brother's antics. After class Bart is given a months detention after school everyday. He is to do chores. "Aw nuts!" While doing chores he reads her desk label.
"Mrs Krabappel? I didn't know you were married?" Bart asked.
"I'm not. Well not anymore." Mrs Krabappel replied.
"What happened?" Bart was being nosy.
"Oh he found another, younger woman..." said Mrs Krabappel. Why am I explaining this to a kid?! "Anyway less questions more work mister."
"Yes Ma'am..." Bart replied in a bored tone as he got back to work cleaning up his mess.
After work Homer is checking the mail when he meets the new neighbor. Thankfully the guy wasn't in his face with a happy personality or talking gibberish. Homer decided to great him.
"Um hi. I'm Homer. I live next door." Homer explained.
"I know. Our houses are next to each other..." answered the muscular fellow in a dry tone, not even looking at Homer as he read his letters.
Homer coughed. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"
"No, I'm just reading my mail then I don't want to see your ugly face again." The blond man marched inside and slammed Ned's front door behind him.
"I miss my Ned..." Homer whimpered.
At dinner they are discussing the neighbors.
"Met the neighbors at last." Homer explained.
"And? What were they like?" Marge asked.
Homer starts crying. "I miss Ned!" He sobs loudly.
"Well it's too late, he's never coming back thanks to you!" Marge replies bluntly. She doesn't notice Lisa glaring at Oscar.
"What did you do today, boy?" Homer asks Bart.
"I got detention again..."
"Why?!" Homer yells.
"For acting like a clown and putting a hole in the blackboard so now we get to see Ms Hoover's class until Willie fixes it." Oscar explained.
That Saturday the family got ready for church. As they got ready to go, Marge thought it was odd the neighbors were still in bed.
"Hrrrmm... The Flanders are usually already getting ready to leave before us. Homer check on them." Marge asked.
"Why me?" Homer asked.
"Fine, we'll both ask." Marge and Homer got out and went to visit the neighbors. They knocked on their front door. They were soon greeted by a grumpy Mr Cumberdale.
"What? Do you have any idea what time it is?!" The man wearing a vest and pants yells.
"It's time for church." Homer replied.
"It's 7am on a weekend! Beat it!" The man slammed the door on them.
"Should we knock again?" Homer asked.
"I think we should go..." Marge replied.
Monday, after school Bart is still continuing his month of detention when Ms Krabappel is writing something and looking depressed.
"What's up, Mrs K?" Bart asked.
"Nothing for you to worry about." Mrs Krabappel replied as she smoked a cigarette.
"Aww please." Bart asked in a baby voice.
"I'm lonely. I haven't had a man in my life ever since I started teaching!"
"Why don't you go out with Skinner?" Bart asked.
"Ha! That Momma's boy?"
"How about the gym teacher?"
Mrs Krabappel makes a hand gesture as if she's quickly drinking something from a bottle. Bart knew that meant he was a drinker. Eventually he was dismissed. While Mrs Krabappel went to the toilet he got a quick glimpse at what she was writing. A soppy love letter to a lonely hearts magazine. He made himself scarce and went home giggling deviously along the way.
At home Bart wrote a letter to Mrs Krabappel under the alias Woodrow and posted it to the lonely hearts magazine she was writing to.
The next day Mrs Krabappel was in a much better mood and told him the good news when asked. Bart thought deviously to himself "Sucker!" Because she was in such a good mood she let him go early today when he pulled a sicky.
Oscar whined and tried to also pull a sicky but it didn’t work.
“Oscar no you do have the bubonic plague now sit down and get on with your sums...” Mrs Krabappel sighed.
Bart continued his charade, however he needed inspiration. First he sneaked through Homer's love letters only to find they were corny or were drunken ramblings. So instead he watched a romantic film in his room. He used some of the dialogue from the film to help him.
“Oh! This is dynamite!” said Bart writing down the cheesy dialogue.
Meanwhile at school in the cafeteria at lunch.
“Milhouse, how does Lunch Lady Doris get the meat to turn purple?” Oscar asked Milhouse.
Milhouse suddenly didn’t want his lunch. “Suddenly I don’t feel hungry...” he pushed his lunch tray into the middle of the table.
Homer continued to get yelled at by the neighbor every time he said hi. One afternoon Maggie couldn't nap because someone was playing loud music. Marge was nursing her while she cried.
"Homer! Do something about that music!" Marge yelled. Homer sighed and went over to see the neighbors.
"Um, can you turn your music down a bit? My baby's trying to sleep." Homer asked politely.
"Well too bad because this is my exercise music. Can't work out without loud music." said the neighbor before he slammed the front door on Homer.
At school Bart takes his prank further and invites Mrs Krabappel out for dinner as Woodrow. Mrs Krabappel turns up at the restaurant only for no one to turn up. Bart skateboards past and sees Mrs Krabappel looking miserable and laughs before going home.
Homer and Marge drive to where Ned is now living and beg him to come back.
"I'd love to neighborinos, but there's just no lefthanders in Springfield."
"Oh there's plenty! You just need to put the word out. That's why your shop didn't do so good! You need to advertise!" Homer explained.
"Thanks Homer, but that ark has sailed. I'm back working at the pharmacy." Ned replies. Homer and Marge leave crestfallen.
At School, Mrs Krabappel is miserable because her date, Woodrow didn't turn up. Bart feels really bad, but can't admit the truth.
At home Bart spins a story that he has a girlfriend, but she's moving away and he needs to let her know they can't be together politely.
The family believes his story and agrees to help. However Homer keeps mucking it up with silly suggestions and Bart joins in.
Homer: Ok. Dear Ugly, Loserville, population: you.
Marge: Homer! No!
Homer: Fine... How about Hey Baby!
Marge: Um... Too in your face... Let's start with her name...
Marge: Now comes the part where you announce that you um love her, (Bart blushes) but explain why you can never see her again.
Homer: Oh that's easy! Three little words! I am gay!
Marge: Homer we're not putting that...
Bart: How about "A crocodile bit off my face." He knew the suggestion was stupid and disgusting, but found it funny. Oscar cracks up laughing.
Marge: Bart, that's disgusting! And it shouldn't matter that a man had his face bitten off.
Homer: It would matter to me...
Marge: Come on, some serious suggestions please...
Bart: Dearest Katelyn, I only have a few hours to live!
Marge: Bart! Do you want help or not?!
Homer: I am gay! I am gay! I am gay! He repeats loudly.
Marge: Homer for the last time we're not putting that!
Oscar, long and drawn out for dramatic effect: I am gaaaaaaaaaay!
Bart: that’s great Oz, I’m really happy for you.
Marge: Oscar we are not putting that!
Oscar: What about... “Dearest Katelyn... I have herpes.”
Bart snickers: Ok I'll be serious now. He makes a wonderful suggestion and Lisa finishes it off.
Marge: That's wonderful Lisa. She finishes the letter.
Homer: Ps I am gay. Marge hrrrrrms in an annoyed tone.
The next day Bart has made a copy of the letter, but addressed it to Mrs Krabappel from Woodrow. He discretely delivers it to her apartment. She comes out and yells for the deliverer to come back, thinking Woodrow delivered it in person.
The last day of Bart's detention Mrs Krabappel is in a much better mood again, learning that although she'll never see Woodrow again, he loves her. She decides to let Bart spend detention outside since it's a nice sunny day.
The episode ends on a picture of the baseball player Bart used as a photo of Woodrow.
During the credits a draft letter is shown with all of Homer and Bart's silly suggestions.