Simpsons Fanon
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Bart the Fink It's Christmas at the Simpsons and Bart drinks lots of water before bed to wake himself up early so he can go and open all the presents before everyone else. However he ends up wetting the bed from having a nightmare of being sucked down the plug hole and arriving in a world of toilets. Things get worse as he humiliates himself at the school Christmas play of Little Shop of Horrors.

Then Bart comes up with a new persona called Bart Fink.

Plot[]

It's Christmas Eve Night and Bart is in the kitchen drinking eight glasses of water before bed so it will make him get up during the night while everyone is asleep. He's hoping to catch Santa and rob him of his sleigh and presents.

Hugo is sleeping under the table.

Bart imagines himself doing just that with a shotgun.

"Bart, I thought you didn't believe in Santa." Lisa asked him. "Remember last Christmas?

During Merry Simpmas/Simpsons roasting on an open fire. The Simpson kids are writing their Christmas letters to Santa while Homer fights with the tangled up Christmas lights and the cat. (Who somehow got tangled up with them.) and Marge is on the phone to Patty and Selma.

"Hugo, would you like to write to Santa?" Lisa asked.

"Who is Santa?" Hugo asked. He had been isolated in the attic his whole life, he had no contact with anyone.

"Mom, there's only one not so jolly fat guy who delivers our Christmas presents, and they ain't Santa." said Bart.

"Bart!" Homer yelled as he knew Bart made a crack about his weight.

Back in the present.

”Um I don’t think Hugo was out of the attic that night...” said Lisa.

"No of course I believe in Santa! And flying reindeer! And the Easter bunny!" Bart replies making Patrick Star's "May I take your hat sir?" face while talking in a babyish voice.

"Alright you've made your point!" Lisa yelled. They spent the next ten minutes until Mom and Dad got home watching the fireplace channel.

Meanwhile Marge and Homer were doing late Christmas shopping.

“Stupid heater! Don’t make me come in there!” Homer yelled smacking the dashboard because his car heater wouldn’t work.

“Whatcha gonna do fatso?” The heater said in a tough guy voice.

“Why you!” Homer tried to climb in the glove compartment to fight the car heater.

“Homer keep your eye on the road!” Marge yelled. “Why do you always do your Christmas shopping last minute?! The crowds are always so beastly!”

“You know me Marge, I love the hustle and bustle!” said Homer.

Homer smacks the dashboard again and snow sprays out of the glove compartment into Marge’s face.

At the mall Homer parked over several disabled parking bays.

Angry people in wheelchairs shouted at him.

“Oh shut up you cripples!” Homer yelled back.

“Homer!” Marge scolded him.

They get to the mall but there is queues!

“Oh no! Look at all these people! The good toys are probably all gone!” said Marge.

“Homer has an old trick up his sleeve!” said Homer. He took the store announcement microphone. “Attention shoppers! Please go to till nine to pay for your shopping!”

Homer went through people’s shopping and took things he decided were good presents with excuses. “Recalled, missing a piece, broken, oooooh! Bart would like that!”

“But!” said a lady.

“Till nine closed! That’s your lot!” Homer stole money from the till and ran off with his shopping. “Hehehe!”

The kids were still watching the fireplace channel when Marge and Homer got home.

“Kids, I made Christmas tree cookies!” said Marge with a tray of green Christmas tree cookies. “And for Bart, bloody spear head cookies.” Amongst the green Christmas tree cookies were grey triangular cookies with bloody red icing on them.

“Cooooool!” said Bart taking a bloody spear head cookie. He pretended he was stabbing him self with it and making dying sounds.

"Hugo, would you like some Christmas cookies or are you fine with fish heads?" Marge offered.

Hugo grunted and took a bloody spear head cookie. If he didn’t like it he could always poke people with it,

Marge and Lisa commented on the plastic Christmas tree that it was better than having to constantly vacuum up fir tree needles.

The kids ate cookies. They hear Santa’s bells.

“Bart do you hear that? Could it be?” Lisa asked him.

“Oh my god! Santa!” Oscar yelled while eating a bloody spear head cookie.

They went to the front window to see Santa. But the Christmas light reindeers and Santa fell off the roof. The kids screamed. Then Homer fell tangled up in the lights. The kids laughed.

Homer untangled himself and called everyone out to look at the lights.

Homer turned on the Christmas lights. They were messily draped everywhere and only some worked.

“It’s craptacular...” said Bart as Hugo winced at the light.

Then they were admiring the presents Santa had delivered. Actually Oscar was the only one who believe in Santa so he was already in bed.

Maggie’s present made an eerie animal sound like a cow going “Waaaaaa...” Maggie was creeped out by this.

Bart took to guessing the presents.

“Horus pocus... mucus pukus...I guess... a sweater!” said Bart. “Possibly yellow...”

“Bart!” Lisa whined.

“Bart put the yellow sweater back under the tree!” said Marge telling him off.

"Kids time for bed! Santa won't give you presents if you don't go to bed on time." said Marge. The kids all went straight upstairs. “And no touching your presents till seven o clock!”

The kids groan while Hugo complied by retiring to the attic.

“Seven zero zero! No earlier!” said Marge. “And don’t try to set your alarm clocks forward early as I have confiscated them!” Marge has a box of many alarm clocks, more than there was family members. “Speaking of which, Homer do you have the thing’s?”

“Sort of.” said Homer holding a Thundercats alarm clock that Hugo was clamped onto with his teeth.

“Hmmmmm! Kids I want this to be a Christmas we do all together as a family.” said Marge.

Someone was tapping at the window. It was Grampa outside! “Hello? Hellooooo...” cried Grampa.

Homer sneaked to the Venetian blinds and shut them.

Homer was eating Santa's cookies and milk.

"Homer..." Marge groaned.

"What? Oh like the kids' imaginary friend is gonna actually eat them..." Homer replied.

"Well you always have nightmares from eating or drinking dairy products before bed so just save the milk for You Know Who upstairs. In the attic.

"Oh... the thing..." said Homer. We pan up to the dark attic where a pair of red eyes appear in the darkness!

Homer and Marge go to bed. Marge goes up to the attic to noisy eating sounds and slobbers.

"Here's some milk sweetie. Don't worry, you'll be free soon." said Marge to something. We hear a kid gulping down the milk and burping like Bart.

Meanwhile Bart drinks more water and Lisa mentions red Indians/Native Americans. Bart then prays to Santa.

“Dear Santa, please bring me lots of presents and I promise to do nothing bad until I get up tomorrow. Bart hurts his elbow bumping it against the night stand. “Ow! Sonnuva! Why you!” He fights with the nightstand and breaks his lamp and knocks over a Godzilla toy. Bart then composes himself. “PS please tell your best friend God to kill Sideshow Bob. Amen.”

...

During the night Bart has a nightmare of him being washed down a big whirlpool. He finds himself on a raft floating out of a sewer pipe along a stream. He sees Helen Keller being taught to speak with a water pump, toilets and a giant tap dripping. He suddenly clutches himself as he really needs the bathroom.

Bart wakes with a start to find his bed wet. He screams.

The next morning his family laugh at him except Marge.

"Homer! Lisa! This isn't funny! Bart's probably very embarrased!" Marge scolds them.

"Mom I'm just savoring revenge for all the times Bart humiliated me!" Lisa whines.

"Sweetie go and run yourself a bath before breakfast." Marge sends Bart to have a bath.

Bart cries while in bath because he's so embarrased. He doesn't know Marge is eavesdropping. She gasps at realizing how embarrased he is.

After breakfast and presents Bart cheers up a bit because he got a fire truck, yes a toy fire truck. Marge tells everyone to show Bart some support and not tease him.

Hugo disliked the tree because he had never seen one before. And because it didn’t taste good.

Then Oscar melted the plastic Christmas tree into a green puddle that solidified into a big green cookie with tinsel, lights and baubles inside it.

“D’oh!” Homer groaned.

“What? It was a monster! It was gonna trap us in its baubles!” said Oscar.

“Oz that’s a sappy kids cartoon series...”

...

The school is putting on a Christmas play. This year it's Little Shop of Horrors.

"Well that makes a change from Christmas around the world where we all had to research a Christmas festival from around the world." said Lisa.

"I thought you liked being a fierce jungle warrior juggling torches?" said Bart.

"Mom didn't approve of my performance and costume after the play... she said it was too revealing..." said Lisa.

Everyone took their parts. Edna was Audrey and Seymour ironically was Seymour. Oscar volunteered as Audrey II.

"Feed me! Feed me Seymour!" said Oscar in costume.

"Yes save that for the play Tamaki. You've been overhearing my mother way too much." said Skinner to Oscar sending him back stage.

"Seymour!" Agnes yelled. "I saw a brightly colored bird and now my eye hurts!"

Bart was in the choir.

He sung very well apparently as like last Christmas before he ruined Jingle bells Marge said "He sings like an angel!" Maggie was also a starfish again...

Bart singing.

”He sings like an angel!” said Marge.

However after one of the songs he had to bow. Unfortunately there was a loud rip and everyone gasped as he had ripped his shorts!

"Ha ha! I thought you wanted us to eat your shorts, not rip them!" Nelson laughed.

Bart blushed as everyone laughed at him and then ran off stage.

"Oh poor Bart..." Marge gasped.

Luckily someone else had an embarrassing situation to deter laughs away from Bart.

Edna was singing suddenly Seymour! with Seymour Skinner.

Suddenly Oscar trudged on stage in costume as Audrey II crying. "I pooped in the plant pot again Mrs Krabappel! (Sobbing) I need someone to help clean me up! (Hiccuping from crying) it's really bad this time!" (XD Family Guy!)

Everyone laughed.

Edna sighed. "Database, Martin, escort Oscar to Lunchlady Doris's Nurse office..."

The nerds escorted Oscar to the nurse's office. Everyone was teasing Oscar for messing himself.

...

After Oscar was cleaned up and wearing some spare clothes from lost property Bart went to see him.

"Sorry about what happened Oz. Everyone is still laughing about you. Well I suppose that's good that they've forgotten about me now." said Bart.

"Yeah, I kinda feel bad joining in. It's rather hard to resist when everyone is laughing." said Oscar.

"If it makes you feel better, Martin and Database had to help Willie clean out your costume after your accident. They're not enjoying it..." said Bart.

Oscar laughed.

...

When it was home time everyone laughed at Oscar and Bart and called them names.

"Okay that's enough! How would you all like it if you got laughed at for something embarrassing happening to you?!" Marge scolded everyone. They soon went quiet. "I expect an apology from all of you!"

The kids all apologized to Bart and Oscar.

The Simpsons drove home. Once they got home Homer read his answering machine. Bart had forgot he had pranked Homer so it played Hello mother, Hello Father, here I am at Camp Granada.

"Marge! Is Lisa at Camp Granada?" Homer asked.

"No! She's right here!" said Marge pointing out Lisa. "That's just one of our records Bart must have recorded onto the answering machine.

"Do'h!" Homer groaned as Bart laughed.

Plot 2[]

Homer read the next message, it was from Herb!

"Hi Homer and Marge. This is Herb. If you're listening to this message then I'm bankrupt again." said Herb's message.

"D-oooooooh!" Marge sighed in a cross tone.

"Well, that's our Christmas miracle for this year, help Uncle Herbert out of bankruptcy again... ugh." said Homer sighing.

Everyone sighed.

Unfortunately Oscar suggests stupid things such as buying a planet of tiny cartoon aliens and opening an amusement park on it called Moron Mountain.

"Oscar you are obsessed with Space Jam..." Bart sighed.

"How about get Lisa to live with him, have him be really mean to her and she should have psychic powers..." Oscar referenced the Matilda film.

"Oscar no! That film was awful!" said Bart.

"How about skinless Martians and Pierce Brosnan..."

"Oscar no!" Bart told him off for referencing Danny Devito films.

“Pregnant Arnold Schwarzenegger!” Oscar yelled.

“Oscar no!” Bart yelled.

“Oscar don’t be silly please...” Marge sighed.

“Frank Reynolds tearing his way out of a leather couch naked?” Oscar asked.

Bart whacked him with a rolled up magazine for being stupid.

"Long lost conjoined twins separated at birth..." Hugo added. "Now reunited together by being sewn back together!" (Twins, also starring Arnold and Danny Devito. Except I don’t think they were conjoined twins Alvin...)

Oscar laughed and Bart frowning at Hugo smacked him on his head with the rolled up magazine too.

...

Homer was doing his taxes while wearing his half moon glasses. Marge came with a broom.

“Mmmmm! He’s got into the crawl space again...” said Marge tapping the dining room wall with a broom.

“Marge darling, what are you doing?” Homer asked.

“Hugo’s got into the crawl space again because I wouldn’t let him fly to Switzerland...” said Marge tapping the wall as something inside shuffled about in there.

“As if I need this while Oscar is in one of his silly moods again...” Marge sighed.

“What did he do now...” Homer asked.

“Ask him yourself he’s right here...” said Marge as Oscar came in.

“Can I sleep with you guys tonight? There’s an evil monkey in my closet!” said Oscar.

“For Pete’s sake! That is the stupidest thing ever to make up! Honestly!” said Marge.

Chris Griffin acted offended and gasped and crossed his arms angrily. “Well I never!” he said as he did when he disguised himself as Lois.

“Stop making Family Guy references!” Homer yelled at Oscar. “And get rid of those racist sunflowers growing in our yard! They’re upsetting Carl!”

Outside were racist sunflowers on the front lawn being racist to Carl by telling him not to walk by this house.

“You’re ignorant!” said Carl to the sunflowers.

...

Bart was at the front door speaking to Milhouse.

“Well... Nelson’s threatening to pants you and Sherri and Terri are still calling you fatty fatty fat fat but everyone has stopped mocking Oscar for messing himself. They actually feel bad for him.”

Nelson pantsed Bart. Pulled his shorts down basically.

“Fatty fatty fat fat! Fatty fatty fat fat!” Sherri and Terri teased Bart.

Bart sighed.

“Why does Oscar suddenly get sympathy? He’s not severely handicapped. He just ate a big lunch and stage fright loosens his bladder and or bowels...” said Bart. “Apparently he wet himself in kindergarten when he was playing the role of an electric plug...“

“Don’t mention that!” Oscar yelled.

“Well... Looks like he’s not the only one having accidents...” Milhouse smirked.

“Who told you?!” Bart frowned.

“I did... to get you back for decapitating my Malibu Stacies...” said Lisa going upstairs.

Back in the dining room.

“Anyway Homer aren’t you supposed to be helping get Herbert out of bankruptcy again?” said Marge.

“No. I can’t keep bailing him out! And for once it wasn’t my fault this time!” said Homer.

“But what about all the nice gifts he gave us? Like your massage chair?” Marge asked.

“I stopped using it because it keeps giving me Space Odyssey style acid trips...” said Homer.

“Hmmmmmm!” Marge sighed.

...

Bart was in his room dressed in Indiana Jones style clothes with a whip.

“Bart why are you playing dress up?” Oscar asked.

“Because this is my new persona. Bart Fink. Dresses like Indiana Jones, is an American James Bond and regularly screws up classic novels like Tom Sawyer with moronic additions such as creamed corn mechas.” said Bart. “I’m toying with the name Bart Fink.”

“Okay...” Oscar grimaced. “How do you make a mecha out of creamed corn?”

“I dunno. That’s why it’s a moronic change to a story. But it’s funny though! Nonsense is funny!” said Bart.

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