Bart the Daredevil is the sixth episode of the second season of my fanon. Upon seeing a daredevil, Lance Murdock perform a dangerous stunt. Bart wants to become a daredevil.
- Dan Castellana as Homer Simpson
- Julie Kavner as Marge Simpson
- Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson
- Nancy Cartwright as Bart Simpson
- Hank Azaria
- Harry Shearer
- Tress MacNeille
- Phil Hartman
- Eileen Stevens as Oscar Tamaki
Bart is having a sleepover with his friends. They are watching the wrestling. Meanwhile Homer is at Moes with his friends watching the wrestling too. However Blond Barney gets into another fight with Homer.
“Snacks, Buzz Colas” Bart handed out snacks and colas to his friends. “Hey Milhouse! Nelson my man!”
Nelson grunted and sat down. “I’m only here because I just got fired from being the school bully. Apparently Jimbo and his gang are more effective at depriving everyone of their lunch money...”
“And here is the reigning champion Rasputin the friendly Russian!” said the announcer on the wrestling show. A red haired man with long red hair appeared with Russian music playing.
“I thought he was the Mad Russian?” Milhouse asked.
“That was when he was a heel, Milhouse. Now he’s a baby face.” said Bart. See Heels and Faces in wrestling.
“Ra ra Rasputin! Lover of the Russian Queen! There was a cat, that really was gone! Ra ra Rasputin! Russia’s greatest love machine!” Oscar sang Rasputin by Boney M.
“Oz! Stop singing! I missed what the commentator said!” Bart whined.
“Fine... Bartok the magnificent...” Oscar groaned.
“And his opponent for tonight is Professor Von Brawn from Heidenberg!” said the announcer. A wrestler dressed as an old fashioned teacher with a mortar board hat arrived showing of to the crowd who booed him because he was a Heel.
“Awesome! Two titans in their prime fighting each other!” said Nelson. “This is gonna be one hell of a match!”
”You said it, Nelson.” said Bart.
Lisa thought wrestling was ballet for five year olds, or that even five year old could see it was just carefully choreographed ballet. The boys rew peanuts at her.
The commentators went on about Rasputin having Von Brawn on the ropes and them grappling and um piledrivers.
Also this is the nineties and Bart and Homer’s choice of evening wrestling is the equivalent of the old days when wrestling meant Big Daddy and the Giant Haystack.
”Now it’s theatre and show matches and grudges from the likes of Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Undertaker.” said Oscar.
”Shhhhhh! I missed what the commentator said!” Bart snapped.
”Rasputin just hit Professor Von Brawn with a chair...” Lisa sighed.
Bart then asked Milhouse to turn up the TV. When he did so Bart nicked his seat.
“Hey! That’s my seat!” Milhouse whined.
Apparently Homer’s fight with Evil Barney was over him nicking his seat when he went to the bathroom.
“I don’t see your name on the barstool!” said Evil Barney.
“Well it is! It’s written on the leg!” said Homer.
“Homer don’t write on my bar stools...” Moe sighed.
A popular wrestler the kids and Homer's friends are rooting for wins. However the losing wrestler, a heel whose persona is a teacher, knocks him out with a wrench. The kids jeer at such poor sportsmanship. Meanwhile Homer is knocked out by blond Barney.
The wrestling match is then interrupted by a commercial for Truckasaurus. A vehicle stunt show. Everyone cheers.
In the commercial Truckasaurus is voiced by Marlon Brando as his character from The Godfather. “You crazy car! I don’t know whether to eat you or kiss you!”
A disclaimer quickly announced that Truckasaurus doesn’t actually talk.
At dinner the following night, Bart and Homer are discussing Truckasaurus eagerly and Homer agrees to take him.
“Homer aren’t you forgetting something?” Marge nagged.
However it falls on the same date as Lisa's recital.
“Saturday night is my saxophone recital!” said Lisa.
”You have to go!” said Marge.
Bart and Homer groaned.
Homer becomes bullying Homer again, “MARGE!!” he barked.
But Marge stands up to him. “Don’t you take that tone with me! Your daughter’s recital is far more important than some silly Truckasaurus whatchamacallit...”
“Dad if you don’t attend, think about getting a child psychiatrist....” said Lisa annoyed.
“We’re all attending! Aren’t we dear?!” Marge glared at Homer.
However on the night of Lisa's recital, Homer and Bart are nowhere to be seen.
“Bart?! Bart... come on now! It’s time to comb your hair!” said Marge looking for Bart. “Homer have you seen-“
Homer's car suddenly speeds off. Marge just about sees that Bart and Homer are inside. She hrmmmms angrily.
Bart and Homer arrive at the Truckasaurus arena where they meet Oscar.
Homer bought snacks.
“Hey they forgot my corn dogs!” Homer whined.
“You mean Cornholio dogs?” said Oscar.
“Shaddup boy...” said Homer.
“Pass me some nachos Homer-saurus!” said Bart.
Homer passed him his nachos and cheese. “Here you go Bart-saurus.” said Homer scruffling his spiky hair boisterously.
The Simpsons spoofs of the Sinclair from Disney’s dinosaurs (The Bart Sinclair and the father) scowled at Homer and Bart for making dinosaur jokes.
“Hey Dad. What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?” Bart asked Homer.
“I don’t know son. What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?” Homer asked.
“Didyathinkhesaurus?” Bart replied. They burst out laughing.
“Do you mind?!” The Father of the Simpson parody of the Sinclairs from Disney’s Dinosaurs yelled.
They watch the show. After the main show featuring a giant robot dinosaur that eats cars and breathes fire (It unfortunately eats Homer's car because, on not finding a parking space he parked it in a reserved area for cars to be destroyed by Truckasaurus). There is a stuntman/daredevil called Lance Murdock. He is to jump over a tank of deadly wild animals on his motorcycle. The tank is filled with electric eels, piranhas, crocodiles, sharks and a lion. The announcer enrages them with a drop of his own blood into the water. The vicious animals go into a frenzy.
Lance is successful, but drives back to the tank to wave to the crowd and falls in. He is horribly injured by the animals.
Meanwhile Marge and Maggie attend Lisa's recital but she's too upset to play because Homer and Bart aren't there.
“And now second grade will be playing Schubert’s unfinished symphony.” said Skinner.
Dolphin woman whistled and squeaked.
“Um yes. Mr Largo the stage is yours.” said Skinner.
“Everyone keep in time! One, two, three, four!”
Second grade started playing Schubert’s unfinished symphony.
“Lisa’s great! Her fingering has come a long way!” said Ned Flanders. Eeeeeeeew! Ned!
“Hmmmmmm! Thanks Ned...” Marge was furious with Homer.
Then Lisa could not play very well as she sobbed because her Dad and her older brother hadn’t attended.
“What screwed up canon is this narrator?” Marge said with a huff.
“Same one where Peter has super saiyan powers and beat the snot out of me just because I tried to make him attend Meg’s school play when he wanted to go to the Emmys to see David Hyde Pierce’s teeth...” said a beaten up Lois with a black eye and bruises from a severe beating.
After Lisa’s class was Third grade playing 1812 Overture with actual working cannons.
”Doo do doo do!” Jurkle the Jewish kid sung goofily as that song with the cannons played.
His proud parents smiled as they waited for his class.
”And next, Matt breaks his own canon and has the Flanders boys play violins... I thought those boys attended a Christian Academy!” said Mr Largo as Todd arrived playing a violin.
”Todd get of the heathen school’s stage!” said Ned.
Todd shrugged his shoulders and went off stage.
Yeah your canon is broken Mr I forgot In season 23!
“Oh shut up!” Matt Groening yelled.
At home Marge is very cross with Homer but can't yell at him because Bart is sleeping in the car when they get home.
When being tucked in Bart says to his dad that he wants to grow up to be a stuntsman.
”Night Dad. I wanna be a stuntman.” said Bart sleepily.
”I’m sure your mother wouldn’t approve that boy. And I’m still somewhat a responsible, strict father so I would agree with her there. Sorry boy. Night night.” said Homer.
”Earth to fun Homer! Wake up!” Bart called to Dad.
”Fun Homer is still locked up until our universe hits season rot. I mean really. What is it with sitcoms turning the responsible dad into a neglectful moron?” Homer replied going off on a tangent.
In her room Lisa sobbed and cried as she wrote in her diary a long diatribe about how her dad disappointed her last night. Then she was of course on non speaking terms with him again like in Lisa’s pony in canon but far worse. In fact she was in her “You’re a baboon!” Phase.
“Baboon! Baboon! Baboon!” she screamed at him.
“Lisa! Stop calling me that! I know you’re upset but I’m your father! Don’t call me that!”
“Homer she’s clearly upset with you! Why did you deliberately disobey me and go to that stupid Truckasaurus show!” Marge scolded him.
“It’s not stupid! It’s awesome!” said Homer. “Until Truckasaurus ate my car. But look! I got half a free bottle of champagne!” Homer had a half filled bottle of champagne.
“Why only half?” Marge asked.
“Dunno. Someone must have drank the other half first.” said Homer.
“Well I don’t feel like celebrating! And neither should you! Unless you want to celebrate getting divorced!” Marge yelled.
“I love conflict...” said Oscar evilly as he chuckled evilly too.
Bart was drawing plans for a stunt in his room. He was gonna skateboard over Dad’s car.
”Bart sorry but we’re not leaving you on your own. We all have to go to the therapist to sort things out between your father and your sister who is very upset with him right now.” said Marge explaining that he could not be left home alone and that he has to go with them.
”Baboon! Baboon! BABOOOOOOOOON!” Lisa screamed angrily at Homer. Then broke down in tears.
”Look at your daughter!” Marge snapped.
”Oz what are you doing?!” Bart frowned.
”Hey you and your father wanted to watch cars smash into each other and get eaten by a giant robot dinosaur that breathes fire...” said Oscar.
Marge grumbled disappointed in Oscar.
”And you’ll make Bart go with you like a good parent but you’ll leave the attic boy home alone?!” Oscar ranted.
”Shut up about the attic!” Homer yelled.
”Lisa. Tell us how you feel about your father right now.” asked Dr Marvin Monroe.
”He’s a baboon! A babooooooon! A Baboooooooon!” Lisa screamed tearfully.
Homer was ashamed and flinched.
”Mr Simpson your daughter is very upset with you!” Dr Marvin Monroe explained. Then later on during season nine ish... he apparently dies.
Lisa played her song I am the saddest kid, in grade number two.
”My dad, he’s a jerk too! He belongs in a zoo!”
”Lisa...!” Homer whined.
A day later. Bart tries a dangerous stunt with his skateboard.
“Bart you’re crazy! You won’t make it!” said Milhouse.
”Our friend is nuts!” said Richard.
”Hey pipe down guys! Lewis you have faith in me right?” said Bart.
”I never have any lines!” said Lewis.
”Oh yeah.” said Bart.
Then Matt forgets Bart has friends other than Milhouse.
He has a bad accident...
Bart screams and falls from the stunt leap and falls badly.
”Oh god!” Milhouse, Lewis and Richard gasped.
”Let’s cheese it!” The boys run off and leave him.
Bart badly injured and knocked out. He visits the Herman devil again who once again reminds him that he is not due down in hell until he dies at the age of fifteen as a stuntsman.
Later in hospital, Bart recovers and has stitches.
“Oh my baby!” Marge hugs and kisses Bart. Embarrassing him.
“Moooooom!” Bart whined.
Bully Homer growls at Marge for hugging him.
"Don't cuddle him! We're mad at him!!" growls Homer.
Bart shows off his stitches. "I have stitches!"
"Eeeeeeew!" say his family.
"Probably a scar too!" Bart added. Dr Hibbert arrives.
Dr Hibbert is horrified Bart's injuries were the result of him copying a stuntman.
“Well like you see doctor. Monkey see, monkey do!” said Homer.
“Now that is certainly not true!” said a posh voice. We pan over to the three wise monkeys. Monkey see no evil, monkey hear no evil and monkey speak no evil.
“Maybe you’d be able to see things if you took your damn dirty hands off your eyes!” Homer yelled.
“I’ll nip this in the bud Mrs Simpson. Bart follow me...” said Dr Hibbert.
He then shows Bart the broken dreams ward. A children's ward where all the patients have suffered injuries from copying their heroes/things off the TV.
“This little boy broke his leg! Trying to fly like Superman...” said Dr Hibbert.
There is a boy with a fractured leg reading. It was caused by him trying to fly like Superman. The boy has a round shiny brown nose like a clown.
“This boy’s brother fractured his skull! By hitting him on the head with a chair trying to imitate a wrestling move...” said Dr Hibbert.
The next child Hibbert shows has a fractured skull because his brother tried to reenact a dangerous wrestling move.
“Oh my! I didn’t realise TV was such a bad influence!” said Marge.
“It’s the sad but honest truth Mrs Simpson...” said Dr Hibbert. “I won’t show you the horrors of the Three Stooges Ward...”
“Oh I wanna see in there! I wanna see in there!” Homer asked eagerly.
Bart is not phased so Lisa takes him round the hospital. They meet Lance Murdock who is now recovering from his injuries and is in a full body cast. Lance Murdock gives them his autograph and Bart states he wants to be a daredevil. Lisa asks Lance to discourage him, but Lance eggs him on.
Dr Hibbert then comes to check on him and asks him to raise his thumb. He finds this incredibly painful to do and cries out in pain as there is a painful crack.
“Well that’s all of them!” Dr Hibbert jokes that now all of his bones are broken.
Bart tries his skateboard stunt again. This time he is successful.
His friends cheer him.
“Thank you! Thank you!” Bart thanks them for cheering.
After school, Bart and his friends are at the gorge. Bart announces he will jump the gorge on his skateboard. Lisa is horrified and goes to tell Mom and Dad, but Oscar and his gang catch her and decide to keep her away until after the big show.
At home Oscar lies that Lisa is staying over at a friend's. Said friend has been bribed to part of the plan. That evening Bart sneaks out to take part in his stunt. Bart performs the stunt, but it goes horribly wrong as expected and Bart is badly injured and has fractured all of his bones after plunging into Springfield Gorge.
Bart learns immediately bout the laws of gravity as he plunges screaming into th gorge and grunts and swears as he crashes against rocks suffering bloody injuries. “Ow! Ah! Ouch! Sonnuva! Ow! Damnit!”
Oscar urgently calls off Nelson and the gang to release Lisa and let her go home.
Homer and Marge are alerted by paramedics that Bart has been taken to hospital and is in a bad way. They find him in a body cast. Oscar is there checking up on him. Lisa explains Oscar kidnapped her to keep her quiet about Bart's stunt.
“Why you little maniac!” Homer grabbed Oscar and strangled him.
“Homer!” Marge scolded him for hurting Oscar.
Bart then berates Oscar that Lisa could have stopped him from doing something so stupid, but Oscar yells at him that it was his own fault for wanting to jump that gorge.
“Well go and do something stupid then! Do us all a favour!” Oscar yelled.
“Oscar you can be so pig headed sometimes!”
“Hey you’re both to blame! You wanted to jump that gorge Bart!” Lisa got between them.
“Look what your meddling has done to me!” Bart yelled.
“You did that yourself trying to skate over the gorge!” Oscar replied yelling.
They fall out and Oscar storms off. Marge and Homer state that after Bart is recovered they will be having serious words with him and they hope he has learnt a lesson.
Dr Hibbert checked on Bart.
“I’m afraid Bart has multiple fractures and will be completely immobile for the time being.”
“Did you say immortal?” Homer asked.
“No! Immobile!” Dr Hibbert corrected him. “And unfortunately Bart since you are to be kept suspended in a body cast it is impossible and out of the question for you to use the bathroom. You’ll be wearing diapers until you’re mobile again. If that ever happens.” Dr Hibbert was holding a diaper.
Bart did not want to wear diapers. “Dr pull the plug!”
“Bart! That’s a terrible thing to say!” Marge told him off.
Bart was kept in the broken dreams ward Hibbert warned him about. He was parked next to the boy with a broken leg in a cast from trying to fly like Superman. He was wearing a diaper and reading a comic. Bart felt it really wasn’t appropriate to allow him to keep reading Superman comics especially after his accident. The boy had a big round shiny brown nose with a yellow shiny.
“Well, now you’re in the same mess that Superman is in. Christopher Reeve?” said Bart.
“I really wanted to know that... not!” said the boy snorting. He was annoyed to know the actor for Superman had a serious accident.
At Home because this episode sucked because Bart didn’t get his own way, doing is dangerous stunt.... The Simpsons are dealing with Oscar’s streak of bad behaviour and nonsense.
Wiggum has just frog marched Oscar home.
”Is this your kid ma’am?” Wiggum asked.
”Hmmmmmm! Well he lives with us.” said Marge.
”My uncle’s in rehab...” said Oscar.
”What did he do now...” Homer sighed.
”Smuggling illegal goods into the country...” said Wiggum.
”I brought some blackcurrants into the States because your country is stupidly hostile to blackcurrants!” said Oscar.
”Oz, blackcurrants can spread a fungal disease that could have a devastating effect on our lumber industry. Although that will probably be a good thing. Lousy lumberjacks...” said Lisa.
Eventually Bart’s injuries healed up mostly that he could go home, albeit confined to a wheelchair until his legs healed.
Homer came up to his room with a baseball and glove wanting to play their evening bonding activity of tossing and catching the baseball as Bart was the bowler in his little league baseball team. Bart looked glum and grumpy as he sat by his window in his wheelchair.
”Hey, boy. Wanna toss the old--“ Homer sighed as Bart sniffled. “Look boy... You have to accept some, no wait most of the blame! Your mother and I forbade you from jumping that gorge and you went and tried jumping it! It’s your own fault really.”
”And Oz just gets away Scot free?!” Bart sobbed.
”No. I’m infuriated with that little! as well. But you encourage him into helping you do what you want to do! Getting a tattoo. Jumping the Springfield Gorge...” Homer explained. After Homer left Oscar waltzed about.
”I told you to get out of my life!” Bart snapped.
“Well it’s a free country. I can be here if I want!” Oscar retorted. “What are you gonna do? Get revenge on me?”
Bart could see he was in no physical condition to fight as he was confined to a wheelchair.
“Revenge? Nah, I’m too lazy. I’m gonna sit here and let karma fuck you up.” said Bart glaring at Oscar.
Oscar winced. Bart didn’t curse. So he was obviously very mad at him.