Bart de Triomphe Bart wins two free tickets to France however he bumps into an old enemy there...
The school is running a quiz on France, Bart decides to enter and surprisingly wins. (Actually the winner was Cecil Terwilliger’s son Neil but he was disqualified because employees of Krusty or their relatives were not permitted to join the competition. Neil swore revenge on Bart.)
"What's so surprising? My mom's family are French!' Bart explained as he received his prize, two tickets to France. Nelson laughs.
"Now, Bart, you have to be accompanied by a grown up at all times on this trip. No excuses." Principal Skinner explained. (I always will bring him back unless for storyline reasons he's fired.)
However Bart tricks the authorities at the airport with a fake ID for Milhouse which has a photo of him with a beard. They get it from Aunt Patty and Selma's DMV.
At home a car comes to pick up Bart and his chaperone.
"Bart, why aren't I explaining to Mom why you don't have a proper chaperone..." Lisa groaned.
"Because I promised to bring you something nice and I won't tell her it was you that broke her vase when it got stuck on my head that one time we were left alone." Bart explained. The car takes him and Milhouse to the airport.
They somehow get on the plane and fly to France unaccompanied. Once there they check into their hotels.
However at France's toughest prison, Cesar and Ugolin hold the guards hostage by threatening to ruin the clam sauce with pepper.
"But ze inmates! Zey will riot if they do not get good sauce!" The guards beg.
"Then release us, or we shall ruin the escargots by cooking them in, MARGERINE!" said Ugolin.
"No! You fiends!! Okay! Release them!" The captain of the guard screams before relenting to their terms. The crooks that once tormented Bart are released. They meet up with their donkey who is being driven in cart by a mysterious man in a purple cloak.
"Put these on and hurry! There is no time!" barked the man as they put on outfits needed for their plan. He then drove them back home.
Bart and Milhouse visit the art museum, the most famous one where the Mona Lisa is being kept.
Elsewhere the Simpsons receive a post card from Bart and Milhouse's Grampa...
"Oh! I didn't know our special little guy is going to France! Awwww! he must be looking for his roots!" Marge is proud of Bart.
"Hang on, that just looks like Milhouse in a beard! D'oh! Baaaaart!" Homer yells.
"Oh no! Bart's in France alone! We have to tell the authorities over there!" Marge gasped.
Back at the museum, Bart bumps into a familiar pair...
"Ze treacherous boy who sold us out!" Cesar yelled.
"Ay Carumba! You two guys!" Bart yelled. "You forced me to do back breaking work day and night!"
"And you repaid us by sending us to prison for our attempts to poison wine with antifreeze!" Ugolin yelled in his face.
"Well that wasn't very nice! Why would you want to poison people?!" Bart asked.
"Enough talk! It is time!" Ugolin declared.
"You're not gonna kill me are you?" Bart gulped.
"Non, when we leave, our associate will set off ze alarms and you will be left holding this authentic copy of the Mona Lisa! It's fake of course, but to the guards they'll suspect the only two visitors left looking very guilty with ze painting and un empty frame!" Cesar explained.
"You're framing us?!" Bart gasped.
"Zit is payback for betraying us! Au revoir!" The fraudulent wine merchants dropped the painting in Bart's hands and left as soon as the alarms went off. The guards arrived and just as Cesar explained they suspected Bart of trying to steal the Mona Lisa.
"Seize them!" The guards yell.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled as he dropped the fake painting and ran away."
"After them!" Yelled the guards, but they were distracted by their beloved painting lying on the floor. "Sacre bleu! Wait! Zis is un fraud!"
Bart and Milhouse arrive at the Tour de France, the most famous bicycle race in France.
"Quick! We can blend in with the crowds at the stools!" Bart said to Milhouse. They went into the crowd.
They went up to one of the stools. "Bonjour, we're lost and..." Bart explained.
"Where have you two been?! Quick put on your numbers and get out there!" The lady hands them their numbers. they put them on and join the race. As they lap round they see Cesar and Ugolin climbing up an empty stall.
"Look! It's Cesar and Ugolin!" Bart explained. They went into the break section where tired riders get their water and ditched their bikes. They ran up after Cesar and Ugolin.
"Sacre bleu! We've been found!" Ugolin yelled as Bart and Milhouse cornered them.
"Never mind, perhaps we should introduce zis garçon to our associate..." Cesar explained.
"As you wish, gentlemen..." said the cloaked figure as he took down his hood. "Hello Bart..."
"Aaaaaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob!" Bart yelled. Dun dun dun! "But what are you doing in France?"
"After my failure to destroy television the French judged my sentence too cruel and pulled a few strings to have me transferred over here. Something about Mayor Quimby insulting them... That's where I met these two. You have a habit of making enemies Bart..." Sideshow Bob explained.
"There you go again... always blaming me...! I'm not the one that robbed the Kwik-e mart, attempted to murder Selma or rigged the mayoral elections..." Bart retorted.
"Enough talk! Kill the boy!" Ugolin yelled.
"Patience, mon ami... I want to savour my revenge..." Sideshow Bob explained. They backed Bart into a corner when he saw his hero Krusty carrying a high jump pole.
"Krusty!" Bart yelled.
"Oh that dreaded harlequin! I will kill you right now for mentioning his name..." Sideshow Bob growled. However Krusty swung his pole and it knocked out Cesar and Ugolin and Sideshow Bob.
"Krusty! You saved us!" Bart hugged Krusty.
"Uh oh! How did I get all the way up here?" Krusty said as he realised he jumped way too high at the high jump, the French police or polis arrived and arrested Cesar and Ugolin and Sideshow Bob.
"Voila! Zis is la genuine Mona Lisa! Take zem away!" The chief ordered his officers who took away the real culprits. "As for tu... Ton meré et papa await." The chief escorted Bart and Milhouse back to their awaiting families who were both very cross with them.
"Milhouse!" Luanne told Milhouse off.
"Bart! That was very bad tricking everyone to go off to France on yon your own! But I hope you were enjoying yourself." Marge told Bart off but was glad he was so eager to go to France.
"Yes Maman..." Bart said in French thanks to that magic gum he ate the last time he came to France.
"Well now we're all here, let's enjoy ourselves!" Oscar suggested. They all agreed and put it down to boys being boys.
They went to a French restaurant. Oscar was planning something naughty. "Bart I dare you order the most grossest thing on the menu..."
"You mean the most authentic... And no! I only make fun of other cultures not my own!" Bart rolled his eyes.
"Fine... I will..." Oscar sighed. It was soon time to order. Everyone ordered sensible things they knew they would eat. However Oscar...
"I'll have the escargots, live and a serving of frogs legs, merci!" Oscar made his order.
"Oscar! Yeeeuck! " Lisa groaned.
"I did not put him up to that!" Bart explained as the waiter left.
"You better eat all of that boy!" Homer snapped at Oscar.
However when the food arrived, Oscar just teased Lisa with the snails.
"Oscar! Quit it! Quit it! Mooooom!" Lisa yelled as he tried to put a snail on her.
"Oscar! Stop that! Or you can go back to the hotel!" Marge told him off.
"I'll be good." Oscar flinched.
They ended up ordering him something else as he didn't actually want his food he just wanted to muck about like Bart usually would. However it got worse as he snuck out Bart's guide to life and was reading on how to misbehave at restaurants.
"Garçon, Zis water, she is not cold enough." He addressed the waiter that his water wasn't cold enough.
"Oscar stop that!" Marge told him off once again. Bart giggled.
"Ok, that's my favourite one, but settle down now Oscar." Bart said while trying not to giggle at Oscar's bad behaviour.
Next they went out to do a bit of sightseeing. However Oscar was dressed in stereotypical French clothes, a beret a striped jumper a string of onions around his neck, a red neck chief and a bicycle.
"Oscar! You can't go around like that!" Bart warned him.
"Why?" Oscar asked.
"Because it's offensive!" Bart explained.
"Krusty's doing it..." Oscar explained that Krusty was wearing the same stuff.
"Hey, my material has never gone out of fashion..." Krusty explained.
"Yes zit has! You racist clown!" A French person yelled.
"Fine... but why has your bike got stabilisers..." Bart groaned.
"I can't ride properly..." Oscar whined.
While they toured the streets, Oscar laughed a stereotypical French laugh. "Hon hon hon!"
"Oscar stop that! People are staring!" Marge told him off.
They then went to a cheese shop. Oscar complained the cheese smelled bad.
"It's supposed to have a strong uh, perfume, that's how you know it's a good cheese." Lisa explained.
They then visited the ancestral home of the Bouviers, Marge's family.
"Cool! Can we live here?" Bart asked.
"I'm afraid not sweetie, you father has a job back in America..." Marge explained.
They looked at the family tree.
"Look, there's a jazz musician..." Marge explained.
"That's why I like Jazz..." Lisa said with joy.
"And a clown..." Marge explained.
"So that's why I act like a clown sometimes..." Bart replied.
"Hrrrrm! Yes dear..." Marge sighed.
Then they went to see the Eiffel Tower.
“I thought you said Trifle tower.” said Oscar holding a trifle.
The Simpsons sighed frustrated in his antics.
“Oz can you try not to goof off for the remainder of this trip?!” Bart groaned as Oscar was eating trifle. “And take off that stereotypical french man outfit! It’s offensive!”
“No! I like dressing as a mime/onion seller.” said Oscar wearing a beret, a striped jumper, shorts and a string of onions around his neck and a fake moustache.
Bart face palmed.
Then inside the Eiffel Tower he was being annoying.
“Omg! Grace Jones!” Oscar yelled. Some how the Simpsons and Oscar were at the same time May Day assassinated Aubergine in A View to a Kill. Grace Jones was fleeing as James Bond pursued her.
Bart face palmed. Oscar was then pretending he was in an invisible box so Bart socked him one with a sucker punch.
They then had lunch in the Eiffel Tower’s restaurant. Oscar ordered the following...
“Soupe de Pistou Oz.” said Lisa. “It means classic soup or Mistralian style soup.”
“Omelette Du Fromage.” said Oscar ordering cheese omelette.
“Omelette du fromage! Omelette du fromage! Omelette duuuuu! (Cries)” Bart got stuck saying cheese omelette in French like Dexter did. “Hey if my voice actor can do Chuckie, she can do Dexter too Christine Cavanaugh...”
“Aubergine, Achilles style.” said Oscar before being assassinated with a poisonous butterfly prop by Grace Jones.
“Eggplant, Achilles style.” Bart corrected him.
“We’re in France ya yank!” Oscar retorted despite being dead.
“I will have alligator...” said Grace Jones.
“Okay...” said the French waiter.
Grace Jones then climbed on her boyfriend she was on a date with. “Do you think I’m sexy?”
“Well um, yes darling.” said a black nerd.
“I SAID, DO YOU YOU THINK I’M SEXYYYYY?!” Grace Jones yelled.
Then she decided despite that the shy nerd probably did love her she wanted to marry Christopher Walken for some reason.
“More, more cowbell!” said Christopher Walken.
Grace Jones wearing leopard print brought some cowbells out of hammer space to please him.
Then she decided she loved Dolph Lundgren even more. Probably because of his muscles. Ivan Drago took her home for efficient soviet Russian sex.
“I must take you.” He said to Grace Jones.
Christopher Walken and the black nerd were not happy Dolph as Ivan Drago stole their girlfriend.