Bart and the Chocolate Factory Bart stars in a very loose parody of a famous children's book about a chocolate factory...
Bart as a cross between Mike Teevee because he does watch a lot of cartoons, he does like violent video games and he is a brat. And the main character Charlie just because he makes a great main character.
Uter as Augustus Gloop, just because.
Jessica Lovejoy as Veruca Salt, just because.
Ralph replaces Violet because he's dumb and would probably try the three course dinner gum, not realising it's not ready yet.
Nelson is Nelson just because a bully character would suit the book. And it is a loose parody!
Apu announces at the Mart that there is a competition involving a popular brand of candy bar that if someone finds one of five golden tickets they get to go to the Chocolate factory where they're made. The blue haired lawyer announces this has nothing to do with the famous children's book Charlie and the Chocolate factory...
Sideshow Bob is robbing Apu again.
”Oh my goodness! You heinous Harlequin!” Apu cried.
At the Nuclear Power Plant.
Homer is taking a coffee break with Lenny and Carl.
“I've already worked hard enough. I'm taking a coffee break.” said Homer as he pours some coffee and drinks it. No you haven’t worked hard enough! You were likely asleep all day you lazy slob!
“I hear ya, Homer.“ said Carl. “And unfortunately so did the narrator.”
“Yeah, nothing like a good cup of Joe.“ said Lenny.
”Hey!” said Joe Swanson from Family Guy. That’s slang for coffee, Joe...
You guys hear about these golden tickets this chocolate factory is giving out? Billy Bonkers or something.” said Homer.
“Yeah, I heard they're giving away five free tickets.” said Lenny. Well six because I wanted to make a Family Guy gag when Joe got kicked off of the tour because there was no wheelchair access.
“Free tickets?! Oh man, my kids will be bugging me to go. I gotta win those tickets!” said Homer.
“Let's go back to work and turn on the radio.“ said Carl.
“I gotta spend the weekend with my dad. He said he's gonna win me a golden ticket to Billy Bonkers Chocolate factory.” said Milhouse.
”CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!” Chocolate Boy from Hey Arnold! yelled.
“You're so lucky!“ said Martin.
“I guess so.” said Milhouse.
“Ha ha!“ Nelson laughed. “I’ll wait to one of you dorks wins one and I’ll beat you up and take it. Hooray for being a big tough bully!”
“Man, I wanna go to Billy Bonkers. Stupid Homer won't take me.“ Bart groaned.
“What are you guys talking about?” Lisa asked.
“Milhouse says his Dad is gonna win a golden ticket to the new chocolate factory in town that exists simply because our omnipresent author loves Roald Dahl books...” said Bart.
“Bart the probability of getting one of five tickets is extremely low! Milhouse has as much of a chance as you have! Which is very little! You’ll have to be extremely lucky! Plus Dad will have to stop buying Hershey’s. And he loves Hershey’s chocolate...” said Lisa going on and on...
Ralph comes in to the Rec. Room. “I had to go to the bathroom but now my legs are warm.”
”Aw gross! You peed your pants!” Nelson groaned.
“Ooooooh Ralph...” Bart groaned in disgust.
“Where's you diaper, baby?“ Jimbo teased.
“My diaper's in my pants.” Ralph admitted he wore diapers to school.
“Really, Ralph?“ Sherri spluttered.
“That's so disgusting.” Terri groaned.
”Hey shut up!” Oscar snapped. “So what? He’s one of the “Special” kids. Like me” He did finger quotes. “I have to wear a diaper because the abuse I suffered from my parents over my potty training slowed me down and made me too traumatic to continue.”
Kids laughed at Oscar.
At home The Simpsons are discussing the competition.
”Mmmmmmmm.... chocolate...” Homer moaned with joy.
"Hrrrm... They really shouldn't be encouraging kids to eat lots of candy..." Marge nags.
Elsewhere a poor boy called Charlie Bucket (Pronounced Bouquet) never stood a chance of getting a golden ticket to the chocolate factory because his parents live in a rickety old shack with their parents, now bed ridden. And they all barely survive on cabbage soup.
Anyway the story is about how against all odds, this sweet natured but poor boy wins a ticket to a chocolate factory and wins the tour because all the other kids misbehaved and got eliminated. Then he inherits the factory and lives happily ever after...
They then watch the news. Utter is the first winner. His family are interviewed while eating at a restaurant. Uter's Dad eats the microphone.
"Such a gluttonous little boy..." Marge sighs.
”Did his dad just eat the microphone?!” Bart gasped and winced.
Next Ralph wins. But he nearly ate his ticket and was nearly voided from the competition, but Chief Wiggum threatened the record holders.
”What a dumb dumb...” Bart sighed.
Then there's another winner shortly afterwards. Jessica Lovejoy. Bart's ex girlfriend. She's shown demanding her Dad gets her a golden ticket.
"What a spoilt brat!" Lisa rants.
Bart has love struck eyes as he still has a crush on Jessica.
”Bart, Jessica got you in serious trouble over the church collection plate...” said Lisa.
At School, Nelson beats up the next winner and steals his ticket. The Muntzes are soon interviewed.
"Aw shucks, there's only one ticket left..." Bart whines at home. Some days pass and no one is lucky until one day at the Kwik ee Mart, Bart gets a golden ticket in his chocolate bar.
"A golden ticket! I won!" Bart cheered.
"Good. Run home Little Simpson! Don't let that ticket out of your sight!" Apu explained as Bart ran home.
"We wanted a ticket..." Patches and Poor Violet the orphans sigh. Well you don't get one! How on earth did Charlie get so lucky? That's stupid!
Bart announces the good news at home. The family celebrate. Now Bart has to chose a parent to go with.
"Well, since Dad really likes chocolate... Ok Homer." Bart picks Homer.
"Call me Dad!" Homer yells.
Then Frink claimed he had one but he had actually forged a ticket. It was a fake.
Then a kid in a wheelchair one for the sake of an unfunny Family Guy joke.
Then Charlie Bucket won. His Grampa Joe, the only one of his Grandparents still sprightly enough to sometimes get out of bed wanted to go with him because he used to work for Wonka I mean Billy Bonkers. (Lawyers cough and remind me to use parody names like Monald Muck.)
”Oh Joe I don’t think you should be overexerting your self!” said Mrs Bucket. “Quite frankly I’m very bitter your sister Hyacinth just cut off all ties with us when we fell into poverty...” She sighed at her husband.
Mr Bucket rolled his eyes and rang his wealthy sister to see if she’d take Charlie.
In a middle class home with doilies and flowers and mahogany tables... a fancy old style phone rings.
An elegant lady answers the phone.
”The Bucket (Bouquet) residence! Lady of the house Hyacinth Bucket speaking.” said Hyacinth Bucket. How else do you think she got so rich? By robbing the Buckets blind and cutting them off! “Oh it’s you Gerald! Look I’ve told you never to speak to me until you get yourself and your family out of that ghastly place you call poverty! Pardon? No I’m afraid I cannot simply go on a tour of some ruddy chocolate factory with Charlie! Good day!” She put the phone down.
And so his parents had no choice but to let Grandpa Joe take Charlie.
”How the heck is Hyacinth Bucket related to the Buckets...?” Bart sighed. She is... it’s obvious...
At the factory are all the winners. Nelson is beating up Uter, Ralph is picking his nose and Jessica blanks Bart when he tries to talk to her.
The Chocolate factory owner who happens to look like Gene Wilder lets them all in.
However one of the guests with a golden ticket was confined to a wheelchair.
”Oooooooh... sorry, no disabled access...” said Wonka. He played his flute and children, because he uses child labourers instead of Oompa Loompas escort the guest off site while singing Oompa Loompa songs.
”Oompa Loompa, doopity doo.... Don’t you feel God has forsaken yooooouuuuu....” They sung.
Personally I don’t think much of Family Guy’s form of humour...
Meanwhile in America in a penthouse called Trump Estate....
The future president Donald Trump, who right now is a millionaire tycoon called to his family.
”Come into the drawing room my many identical orange children with green hair!” said Donald Trump.
”Oompa Loompa! Doopity doo! Father what troubles yoooooou?” The Oompa Loompa’s sang.
”Author no! Donald Trump is not related to the Oompa Loompas...” Bart sighed.
In the chocolate factory.
They hang up their coats, sign the contract and go in the really small room where they bicker until they arrive in the corridor to the Chocolate room.
The factory owner lets them in the Chocolate room, starts singing Pure Imagination because he's voiced by Gene Wilder and creeps Bart out by touching his hair.
”Stop touching my hair dude....” said Bart.
The families then explore the room. It is like a huge garden but with edible candy everywhere.
Oscar as a parody of an oompah loompa, except instead of orange midgets this factory uses child labour, discusses with the fourth wall the difference between the two films with the five winners playing their respective parts.
Ie in the original film Mike Teevee is a little kid dressed as a cowboy who likes guns and cowboy movies.
In the reboot he is a violent bully who likes violent video games and is rude to everyone.
The kids are eating/destroying candy such as candy canes, giant gummy bears, some kind of ball like candy, candy apples, very small marble sized candy, stretchy candy, mushrooms with cream in their caps (where the spots are), chocolate choux bun plant, edible tea cup and saucer flowers and pumpkin things with some kind of goop inside of them.
Utter greedily ate everything he could find, Ralph and Wiggum were the only ones being nice, Bart was pranking everyone by firing candy at them with his slingshot, Jessica was plotting against Bart of how to humiliate/hurt him and Nelson was stomping on the pumpkin things while Mrs Muntz smoked. However he got stuck in the pumpkin thing goop and grunted as the tugged at the goo his feet were stuck in. Bart laughed at his predicament.
The owner then had a big speech, but Uter was drinking directly out of the chocolate river.
"Please! My chocolate must not be touched by human hands!" The owner explained, asking Uter to stop drinking from the chocolate river.
"Eeeeeew! Uter!" Bart groaned.
Uter then fell in the river with a splash.
"Mein son!" Uter's Mom cried.
"Mutti!" Uter cried as he was pulled under by the current.
"Do something!" Uter's mother begged the owner. However a pipe sucked Uter up like a straw being used to drink chocolate milkshake.
However Uter got stuck half way. His mom fainted. Nelson laughed. Then Uter was pushed up the rest of the way by the enormous pressure.
The owner played a flute and the chained up child workers came out from a cave. Lewis and Richard were given instructions to escort Uter's mom to the chocolate fudge making room to rescue Uter from the mixing vat. Richard and Lewis left with her.
The other kids then sang a song about Uter and his gluttony. However after the song the owner was cross because they didn't sing very well and threatened to cut their gruel rations.
He then sent them away and called for his pink boiled sweet boat to sail to the next room. The boat had kids at the oars rowing and a seating area for the owner and his guests.
However on the ride Jessica ranted to her Dad that she wanted a pink boiled sweet boat.
"What she needs is a kick in the pants..." Homer whispered to Bart.
"Please don't lick the boat! You'll make it all sticky..." The Owner had to remind Ralph not to lick the boat.
Homer was drinking out of the chocolate river from the boat by dipping his head in the river.
”Oh god!” Wonka yelled and shot someone with an ink gun.
”Ow! Why did you do that for....” Barney whined.
”Sorry, thought one of the hippos got onto the boat...” said Wonka.
”Whoooooo! Gnarly!” said Snake,
”I wonder how they make the chocolate so delicious?” Chief Wiggum asked.
”Grunka Lunka secret ingredient...” Oscar and the child slaves sung.
”Shut the hell up!!” Homer yelled.
They then went down a dark tunnel.
"Eep! It's dark!" Ralph whined. Then the tunnel lit up with discoish colourful lights.
"Oooooh! Freaky!" Bart remarked.
The owner started singing There's no way of knowing where we're going... Then scary images flashed up on the walls.
Jessica yelped when a scary image appeared.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled.
Even Nelson was scared.
However eventually the scary part of the ride ended and the lights came on as the boat moored in the nearest dock. There were doors to other rooms nearby such as a room for making all kinds of cream, including hair cream.
"Hair cream?! You can't eat that!" Homer remarked.
They heard the cracking of whips inside the cream room.
Bart seethed wondering if this was the child labourers being bullied.
”For whipping the whipped cream. Whipped cream is not whipped until you strike it with whips. Just as eggs are not poached unless you steal them during the night.” said the Chocolate factory owner.
Bart winced. Is this guy brain dead or something?!
Then they passed a bean room of all kinds of beans. Runner beans, kidney beans, has beans...
”What on Earth is a Has Bean?” Jessica Lovejoy asked in disbelief.
”Why you’re a has been yourself my dear.” said the owner of the chocolate factory.
Then there was a room for edible marshmallow pillows and the fudge room Uter's mom was taken to, in order to find Uter.
“I hear the other child labourers in team C pack loads of fudge in-“ Oscar made a gay joke.
”Enough!!” Homer snapped.
However the factory owner instead took the rest of the tour to the inventing room. The owner explained this was where new candy was invented. They were shown the various processess to make candy, passing by cauldrons of strange substances while the owner put unusual things in them such as alarm clocks and shoes.
He then showed them how everlasting gobstoppers were made and gave them each one. Bart found this difficult to believe.
Ralph then tried some exploding candy, but the explosion sent him flying across the room.
"Please don't try any candy without my permission!" The owner explained.
"My head hurts..." Ralph whined.
The owner explained the nearby testing room were the kid workers were trying prototype candy such as hair growing toffee. However it wasn't working right as some kids had grown very long beards.
"Unfortunately it's too powerful right now..." The owner explained. Bart didn't like that kids were being forced to work here, he had to get to the bottom of it...
The owner then showed a machine that made three course meal gum. He turned it on. The machine had mixing bowls with actual foods in them as the supposed ingredients to the gum. They were being chopped, sliced, mashed or puréed.
A thin strip of gum came out.
"That's it?!" Bart asked.
"That's it." The owner explained. "This is three course dinner gum. Anyone want to try it."
Everyone was reluctant except Ralph. I chose Ralph because I'm mean! Hehehe! And because he'd try anything he thought would be edible.
Ralph tried it. First up it tasted like tomato soup.
"Oh yum tomato!" He said.
Then it tasted of roast dinner.
"Now it tastes of moo moo cows!" He said.
Then came dessert.
"Yum blueberry pie!"
"Oh no!" said the owner lamenting.
"What's wrong?" Bart asked.
"It always goes wrong at blueberry! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let any of you test it." The owner explained. "Please Chief! Get Ralph to spit it out!"
However it was too late as Ralph started to turn purple.
"Ralph you're turning purple!" Well a blueish purple, violet even!
Then Ralph started to inflate like a balloon.
"Wheeeee! I'm a balloon!" Ralph seemed to be enjoying this. You like being a blueberry?! Once he was fully inflated Chief Wiggum was upset and demanded the owner return Ralph to normal or be arrested. The owner called for more slaves with his flute. Sherri and Terri rolled Ralph to the juicing room while two more kids guided Chief Wiggum to the juicing room.
The other kid slaves sung again before being told off for singing.
Then the owner took the guests to the next part of the tour.
They went down some grey corridors. They passed some chambers. There was a wall of lickable wallpaper for nurseries. It had pictures of fruit on it that when licked tasted of the fruit in question.
"Even Snozzberries." The owner explained.
"What on earth is a snozzberry..." Jessica asked in disbelief...
It was another of Oscar's audience trivia rounds. This time Oscar explained at this point in the Gene Wilder film, Wonka does something very creepy and grabs Veruca Salt's chin and says "we are the music makers and the dreamers of dreams."
"Boy, I hope he got fired for that." Bart remarked to Oscar.
The tour continued. They passed a room of square sweets that looked round, a room where buttergin and Butter beer were being made and then they stopped at the fizzy lifting drink room. Bart and Homer sneaked in there hoping to rescue some slaves from their posts. And of course to try the fizzy lifting drinks,
This of course has the usual result. They float up to the ceiling and nearly go in the ceiling fan until Homer gets the idea to burp. They do so and go down again.
"Cool! I can burp the alphabet! A! B! C! D!..." Bart says joyfully as he belches the alphabet.
"That's the spirit. Thank goodness your mother's not here eh?" Homer remarked. Once they were on solid ground again they quickly rejoined the group.
The group were outside two rooms. One had geese in it. They were laying golden chocolate eggs that the kid slaves were wrapping up in plastic wrappers. The other room had squirrels in there cracking nuts and throwing some down a garbage chute.
Oscar was with the owner because he thought Bart and Homer had befallen a mishap and was about to assign him to retrieve them. Now he was helping guide the tour.
"Which room do we go in?" Oscar asked the owner.
"Why the egg room of course." The owner explained.
The owner explained the room was for the production of golden chocolate eggs laid by his geese. The eggs were then weighed to see if they were good or bad. Good eggs were wrapped up to be ready to send to the shops. However bad eggs went down the garbage chute.
Jessica then started ranting of all the things she wanted such as a goose that laid golden chocolate eggs. She then performed a song of "I want it now!" However she stood on the ggod egg bad egg detector and was sent plummeting down the garbage chute because it declared her a bad egg.
"Good heavens! Where has she gone?! I demand answers!" Reverend Lovejoy demanded.
"The garbage chute." The owner replied. He explained ever so often the furnaces are turned on to incinerate the garbage. Reverend Lovejoy dives down there after her.
"Oh dear..." The owner sighs. The kids start singing again until the owner stops them.
The group are about to move on. When...
"Hold up, I want to whale on some squirrels!" Nelson wants to beat up the squirrels. He runs in there.
"Nelson, no!" Mrs Muntz goes in after him. Of course they are both tested by the squirrels and then thrown down the chute.
"Oh dear..." said the owner.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that." said Bart. "Wait, I'm the last one! That means I win, don't I?"
"There's one more room to visit on our tour." The owner said frowning at Bart. "Let's go!
They road on a strange machine that produced foam and made odd noises. After being cleaned up, they rode in the glass elevators. However these were no ordinary elevators as they cold go in any feasible direction.
Bart had first choice of room.
"TV room huh? Awright!" Bart said with joy and picked the TV room. The elevator took Bart, Homer, Oscar and the owner to the TV room. They passed many other exciting rooms along the way.
Once they arrived, the owner explained they had to wear special outfits and goggles because the next room was extremely bright. They put on their suits and goggles, Homer found the suits very tight and tacky.
In the room the owner explained he device kid slaves were operating at. A giant candy bar was brought in, on a command there was an almighty flash and the candy bar vanished.
"It's not gone. It's up there, Bart, as pixels." The owner explained. There were pixels scrambled about in the air.
Suddenly something appeared on the TV the own directed the tour group to. It was an ordinary sized candy bar.
"It's been shrunk?" Bart asked.
"Of course." The owner explained. "Go on take it."
"Are you nuts?! You can't take things from the TV!" Bart said in disbelief.
"Fine, Oscar, you take it." The owner sighed.
Oscar took the candy bar from the TV.
"Cool! It's real!" Bart cooed. Now he felt stupid not believing the owner.
"Of course! It's part of my new advertising campaign to let people try a chocolate bar while they watch TV. Of course it will have to be for a limited time, because I need to make money after all." The owner explained.
"Bart wanted to try the machine on himself.
"I wanna be on TV!" Bart demanded. Bart you're already on TV. He ran towards the machine.
"No! Stop!" The owner tried to stop him.
"Get back here, boy!" Homer yelled.
"Bart no!" Oscar warned him.
"Lights, camera, action!" Bart said the command and he was zapped.
"Nooooooo!" Homer cried. As Bart was turned into pixels.
"What happens now?" Oscar asked.
"His pixels need to find each other to put him back together again and then he'll appear on the TV." The owner explained. "There's just one catch."
"What is it?" Homer asked.
"Sometimes not all the pixels can find their way back. You might only get half your son back..."
"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" Homer screamed.
A silhouette appeared on the TV.
"Oh please come back in one piece!" Homer cried.
Eventually Bart came back entirely in one piece. Unharmed but tiny.
"Cool! I'm on TV!" said Bart in a high pitched voice.
Homer sighed with relief. Bart was intact with nothing missing. "Now what?"
"You'll have to take Bart. He'll need to be stretched back to normal size." The owner explained.
"Stretched?!" Homer asked.
"And then fed vitamins to restore his bulk because he will be very thin and flat after the stretching in the taffy pulling machine." The owner added.
Homer took Bart and glared at the tiny boy. "You are in so much trouble when you get home!"
"Oscar take them to the taffy pulling room." The owner told him.
The other kids began singing.
"Why are you singing?! You don't have anyone to sing to!" The owner yelled.
The owner sat in his office as he lamented that there were no winners. He'd have to run another competition. Meanwhile all the guests walk home changed by their respective mishaps. Utter was thinner and slightly taller and covered in chocolate. His mom had to keep telling him not to lick himself. Ralph was purple but no longer inflated.
"I'm purple, Daddy!" Ralph said with joy.
"Eh, yes Ralphy..." Chief Wiggum replied, worrying what his wife would say.
The Lovejoys and the Muntzes were covered in smelly garbage.
And Bart was very tall and thin! Like his hero form Stretchdude. (More on him later! Spoilers!)
The next day the Simpsons watched as a new group of kids visited the chocolate factory staffed by orange midgets, I mean child labour.
Wonka showed off his lockable wallpaper.
”Ugh! This carrot tastes musty!” said Charlie’s Grampa.
”Oh damn those horny Oompa Loompas!” Wonka angrily tapped the wall and a “carrot” peaking through a hole in the wall retreated. Damn you Robot Chicken! That’s gross!
Then Charlie the loveable and kind poor boy won because despite his poverty he grew up to be nice with no faults. However he drank the fizzy lifting drinks so Wonka shouted at him.
”You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!” Wonka yelled.
Then he got portrayed by Johnny Depp in the remake. Personally I prefer Gene Wilder.