Bart an Lisa and Marge and Homer and Maggie (to a lesser extent) vs Thanksgiving It’s another thanksgiving that means wrecked dioramas, Bart wants a video game, rabid turkeys and GM I can’t believe it’s not turkey! chickens...
Meanwhile Homer ate the thanksgiving turkey so Oscar has several mishaps with Hugo trying to replace it.
Outside the Simpsons house three hundred years ago. Pilgrim Homer screams at a Mr Burns turkey.
In the present Lisa is wearing a fold up sign one would wear to advertise things. It reads... “While Footballs fly, Native Americans cry and turkeys die! Thanksgiving you’re not welcome!” “Mom can I wear this?” Lisa asks Mom wearing the protest sign.
“No Lisa!” said Marge.
“But Mom!” Lisa whined.
“No Buts Lisa! I am not letting you ruin another thanksgiving with painful truths about the holiday!” said Marge.
“But Mom! I’ve never ruined Thanksgiving! It’s always Bart that does by wrecking my dioramas!” said Lisa.
“Oh please.... He did that once... No passionate condemnations of hypocrisies!” said Marge.
“But Mom what about the first amendment!” Lisa whined.
“My favourite amendment is the second amendment...” said Oscar. “Woohoo! NRA forever!” He twirled his handguns around before shooting the ceiling.
“Oscar! Don’t fire your guns in the house!” said Marge telling him off.
“Mom...” Lisa whined.
“Okay you can wear your protest sign...” said Marge.
“And a tasteful slideshow of American history!” said Lisa running off.
“Lisa what did I just-“ Marge yelled.
“Hold that slaughter fest until nine Lis. I won’t be around after dinner.” said Bart.
“Where are you going?!” Marge asked.
“Slaughterhouse 3 is out in the video game store. Got to get in line before it sells out.” said Bart.
“Bart. You’re not going out after dinner. Thanksgiving is a time for the whole family to come together...” said Marge.
“And no video games...” Bart whined.
“And enslavement and slaughtering of native people and innocent creatures for food...” Lisa grumbled.
“That’s it! Both of you go to your rooms and think about your behaviour!” Marge yelled.
“No fair!” Lisa whined.
“This is an outrage! If I can’t go out and get my video game, I’ll... I’ll run away again!” Bart yelled.
“Bart... you do that every thanksgiving you don’t get your own way... please don’t do this...” Marge sighed.
“Hmmmmmph!” Bart frowned.
“Oh alright! You can go out as soon as dinner is finished!” Marge sighed.
“Yaaaaaay!” Bart and Lisa cheered and ran off as Marge cried in defeat.
Then Hugo turned up in his lab coat and glasses mixing some chemicals.
“Hugo no experiments at the dinner table...” Marge sighed. “What are you making anyway?”
“Well in layman’s terms... either the best ever tasting gravy... or a sentient cranberry sauce monster... I forgot...” said Hugo.
Marge sighed and went to the kitchen.
Homer was in the kitchen at the kitchen dinner table eating. “Marge, I think this will be the best thanksgiving ever this year!” said Homer.
“Oh really?!” Marge cheered up instantly.
“Why sure! Because I invited Moe, Lenny, Carl, Barney and er those two other barflies! You know, the one with the green hat at our wedding?” said Homer.
“Hmmmmm! Homer did you just invite five people to our thanksgiving dinner without asking me?!” Marge asked.
“If I asked you’d just say no...” said Homer holding a turkey carving fork with a drumstick on the end.
“Damn straight I would! This is a family night! Relatives only!” said Marge. That meant only Patty and Selma, Ling Ling, Grandma Jacqueline and Grampa Simpson. “Uh... Homer is that a turkey’s drumstick you’re holding...?”
“Uh....” Homer stuttered.
Marge screamed when she saw the turkey’s skeleton. “You took the turkey out of the oven and ate sixteen pounds of half cooked poultry?!”
“It was more like a quarter cooked. I wrapped most of it in salami slices so it would go down easily...” said Homer. “And I fed some to the green bear dog thing Oscar likes.”
The curious bear cub threw up on the kitchen floor from food poisoning.
“Homer what are we gonna do for dinner?! My sisters, their baby adopted daughter from China, my mother and your father will be here soon!” Marge panicked.
“Not to mention my bar family and Moe...” said Homer.
Marge growled at him.
“Uh I’ll be drinking at Moe’s...” said Homer.
Marge heard Maggie sucking on something. She was drinking gravy from the gravy pipette.
“Oh Maggie... Gravy is for grown ups...” Marge sighed.
Marge went out with Maggie drunk on gravy. Um it was alcoholic?
“Kids I’m going out! Lay the table then go back to your rooms! Understand?” Marge called up to them.
“Yes mom...” said the kids.
Marge went out.
Lisa went to find Bart to get him to help lay the table.
“Now Bart I’ll lay the glasses and the centrepiece but I’m sorry I will not lay the plates...” said Lisa.
However Bart had vanished and his window was open. On the bed was a note.
“Left via the usual thanksgiving escape route. Ps have fun setting the table...” said the letter.
Lisa growled and screwed it up before regaining her mild temper.
“Oh Hugo... can you do a special big brother favour...” she went up to the attic to find Hugo in the middle of putting on a festive sweater, he looked hilarious because she could only see his spikes and big eyes.
“Ha! You look just Bart with messy hair! What are you wearing?!” Lisa giggled.
“That’s because I am just a second Bart with messy hair. Until Oscar gave me some character...” said Hugo pulling down his sweater. “And I’m getting dressed for thanksgiving dinner...”
“Uh... Dad’s gone drinking again. He might be in a nasty mood again...” said Lisa.
“He always is in a nasty mood with me... Now what was it you wanted...” said Hugo.
“Can you help lay the table. Bart escaped off somewhere.” said Lisa.
Lisa storms out and meets Grampa in canon so...
“No Hugo... you can’t serve chemical flasks as drinking receptacles!” Lisa whined as Hugo was using his chemistry set as drinking glasses.
“They’re clean... I’ve just washed them...” said Hugo.
“I don’t care! And is some of that from my chemistry set?!” Lisa gasped as some containers were labelled Lisa Simpson.
“Maybe...” said Hugo.
Lisa growled and stormed off.
She was at the front door. “That’s it! Give me thanksgiving liberty or give me death!” she ranted and opened the front door. Grampa was strangely on time and didn’t accidentally go to the Flanderses.
They both screamed at each other.
“Lisa you scared my teeth out of me!” said Grampa.
“Gramps you wear dentures...” said Lisa. His dentures were biting her hair.
Grampa collected his dentures. “Oooooh! I smell coconut shampoo!”
“Yes I washed with it this morning...” said Lisa.
“Lisa in my days we didn’t just barge out of the door into grownups we were trying to avoid! We used a complex system of mirrors to check the coast was clear first.” said Grampa.
“Grampa I’m just off to see Thanksgiving for what it truly is! A festering sore of turkeycide!” said Lisa.
“And I’m here because your folks invited me. Meh.... sure feels less miserable than being cooped up in that retirement home...” said Grampa. “But I’ve found somewhere far more fun! Follow me! The fry breads are on me!”
“Fry breads?” Lisa asked.
Marge went to the supermarket. Unfortunately there were cops outside.
“Whoa! Before you go in Mrs Simpson you better suit up!” said Wiggum.
“Suit up?” Marge asked.
“It’s madness in there Marge! Civilisation has come to an end. Now it’s just a mockery of humanity with the hair pulling and biting and gnashing!” said Wiggum.
“It’s last minute thanksgiving moms running loose! And uh a few single men...” said Lou.
“We’re here to stop anyone looting.” said Wiggum.
“Here’s that gross of small curd cottage cheese you wanted me to loot chief!” said Eddie carrying a trolley of cottage cheese.
“Thanks Eddie.” said Wiggum. He then addressed Marge. “Now Marge if you still want to go in there you’ll need to wear a helmet and flak jacket. The flak jackets come in to colours. Boo berry or strawberry. Which do you prefer?”
“Boo berry...” Marge sighed taking a blue one.
Inside the supermarket Marge was shocked by just how insane her fellow townsfolk, celebrities and friends had got over last minute thanksgiving groceries. For example Disco Stu and Krusty were fighting over some Krusty brand Krambosia that Krusty claimed he was entitled to have because it had his name on it.
“Um do you have any turkeys?” Marge asked.
“No but perhaps you’d like to see our aisle on despair and human misery?” Squeaky Voiced Teen asked.
Meanwhile Homer went to Moe’s only to find he had shut to go to Homer’s.
“Oh Moe why have you forsaken me?!” Homer cried. Um maybe you should go home and wait for Moe?
Suddenly Smithers pulled up. “Ah Homer, just the man I’m looking for.”
“Wow really?” Homer asked, pleased to feel wanted at work for once.
“Well not really but you were the first employee I’ve come across and Moe’s is listed as your home address...” said Smithers. “I suppose you know what this about...”
“No...” said Homer.
“It all started this morning.” said Smithers. He set a story. Every thanksgiving morning Mr Burns likes to start the day by decapitating three live tom turkeys in a guillotine. A tom turkey is a boy turkey.
However because for a bet with the owner of the Shelbyville Power plant over who built the best guillotine. Mr Burns thought Volvo built the best guillotine and tried to use a replica he built himself on some male turkeys that morning. Unfortunately it failed and just released the angry turkeys.
“Blast! I knew Volvo couldn’t build a better guillotine!” said Mr Burns angry and annoyed.
“Um sir. Even though they lack the vocal calls to do so, the turkeys appear to be growling! We should run!” said Mr Smithers. They fled the angry turkeys.
However at the end of the story Homer was more interested in mooning the workers at Krusty burger for not giving him enough pickles in his burger...
“Homer Mr Burns is trapped in his bran store by angry turkeys! Pull up your pants and sit down!” Smithers scolded him.
“Okay keep your pants on... No wait I have a better idea! Let’s moon the Krusty burger Squeaky Voiced teens!” said Homer mooning then again.
Meanwhile Bart was at the video game store.
In front was a disheveled boy with scruffy clothes.
“Ready for the latest instalment of Slaughterhouse?” Bart asked.
“Say what?” asked the dishevelled kid. There was a whole line of them!
Grampa had taken Lisa to a casino.
She wondered how everyone was on first name terms with him. She was dismayed that he was spending his money here gambling.
“Feh as if I’d give it to that lousy son of mine who put me in a home!” Grampa explained.
“Gramps I know you resent dad for putting you in a home but you’re not very well. You’re starting to forget things and once tried to use the iron as a phone!” Lisa explained.
“Bah! Now Herbert. He was a good son...” said Grampa.
“So why did you give him away and never speak to him again?!” Lisa yelled.
“Because I didn’t want my new wife Mona to know I had a love child! She forbade me to ever speak to Herbert’s mother ever again!” said Grampa.
“Hmmmmm!” said Lisa annoyed. “I don’t like casinos. Mom gets addicted in them. In a game of blackjack at home she once threw whiskey in Maggie’s face just because she was losing!” Ha! “I sense a great evil in these places! An evil that draws people into its clutches of debt and gambling addiction! It can only be the work of...”
There was a terrifying mechanised roar as a giant slot machine mecha with neon claws assembled itself from the slot machines and roulette wheels and neon signs.
“Gamblor!” Lisa gasped.
“Yes Lisa. It is I Gamblor!” Gamblor roared.
Grampa gasped and was so shocked he could only jabber.
Homer and Smithers were at Mr Burns’s manor. Uh aren’t the turkeys in his office at the plant?! Smithers explains they must wear radiation suits which were specially saved for Mr Burns’s irrational fear of the Cornish in case they declared war and sicced their game hens in America. Uh...
“Why is mine so bulky?” Homer asked.
“Mr Burns has such fragile skin that most materials are like sandpaper to him. He needs the extra padding.” said Smithers.
“It’s itchy...” Homer groaned.
They went inside. The mansion was pitch black for some reason.
“The turkeys must have caused a short circuit!” said Smithers. He was getting second thoughts of mounting a rescue mission because he was scared.
“I’m not turning back! I just know those turkeys are tearing Mr Burns into fleshy confetti! I know how to make a tasty dip from shortening and hot sauce!” said Homer acting brave all of a sudden. “And if that doesn’t make me cool then cram it! We’re going in Mr Smithers!”
“I could kiss you right now Simpson!” said Smithers in awe of Homer.
“Save your kissing for the turkeys boy! Follow me!” said Homer.
At Home Oscar was in the kitchen with a turkey. Hugo was reluctantly helping him cook.
“I thought you said the last time you attempted thanksgiving dinner it was a disaster...” said Hugo.
“Hey, Marge has had a terrible day so far what with your fatass of a dad eating the thanksgiving turkey I’m gonna make Marge a thanksgiving dinner she won’t forget!” said Oscar wearing a chef’s hat.
“For all the wrong reasons...” Hugo sighed.
The mishaps started right away...
“Uh... aren’t you supposed to remove the giblets before stuffing the turkey...” said Hugo.
Oscar groaned and extracted all the stuffing from its butt, pulled out the bag of giblets and restuffed the turkey.
“Now the turkey needs to cook for four hours and it’s now... Hey! Where’s my wristwatch?!” Oscar couldn’t find his wristwatch.
“Uh...” Hugo looked at the turkey.
“D’oh!” Oscar groaned.
He looked up the turkey’s butt with a torch to find his watch.
“And people eat that thing...” Hugo didn’t find the raw turkey appetising.
Oscar then did something very stupid. He stuck the turkey on his head...
Hugo saw Oscar blundering about blindly with his head up a turkey’s ass. Hugo bursted into hysterical laughter.
Meanwhile Moe was at the door.
“I’ll get that, turkey butt.” said Hugo.
Hugo answered the door to Moe and the barflies.
“Hey kids. Where’s your parents?!” Moe asked.
“More importantly where’s Homer?” Lenny asked.
“Dad went out to the bar looking for you guys for a drink!” said Hugo. “And uh Mom had to do some emergency shopping because Dad ate the turkey...”
Suddenly Oscar blindly stumbled into the hall with the turkey over his head.
Moe and Homer’s friends screamed.
“It’s a monster!” they screamed.
Meanwhile at the video game store.
“Nyaaaaaagh! Zombies! Keep your undead hands off of my brains!” Bart screamed because he thought the line of pale kids wearing disheveled clothes were zombies!
“We’re not zombies... we’re orphans...” said the kid in front of Bart.
“But you’re all dressed the same!” said Bart.
“Because our orphanage gets all of its clothes from Oliver and Annie low budget orphanage duds. This is the spring line...” said the boy.
“And you’re pale!” Bart explained.
“The orphanage food is really starchy...” said the orphan.
“Awwww... I wanted zombies...” Oscar groaned.
Meanwhile Marge was in the depths of the wrecked supermarket. She passed by Comic Book Guy who was fighting with his ex girlfriend Agnes Skinner over some Parmesan he needed for his secret stuffing recipe for his Star Trek themed Thanksgiving dinner.
“I have a lobster and I ain’t afraid to use it...” said Agnes Skinner.
Marge rolled her eyes and went to find the turkeys. “Ah Ha!” said Marge heading for a section with a sign reading “Yes we have turkeys!” However there wasn’t a single turkey left.
“But the sign said-“ said Marge.
“The sign is wrong.” said a lady buried under some beets.
“Why would a sign be wrong?” Marge asked.
“Look, I just came here to get some bread when I got into a fight over a baguette and got buried under all these beets! I’ll tell you so you can save your thanksgiving... the employees sometimes keep a few birds in the back.” said the lady covered in beets.
“Thanks! Let me help you!” said Marge.
“No my thanksgiving is ruined! Yours may still live! Hurry!” said the lady.
Marge reluctantly left the woman and went to the employees only door. She contemplated going in there. Which she does...
Lisa and Grampa were backed into a corner by Gamblor.
“Minimum stake of five dollars gets you three free spins! You can’t lose? Except your soul! Bwahahahaha!” Gamblor gloated.
Lisa then saw something that cheered her up. The casino was ran by native Americans.
“Smiling in the face of defeat are we?” Gamblor asked laughing.
“No. I’m smiling because the native Americans have finally got their revenge on us white folks for pillaging their land and killing them with smallpox hundreds of years ago! By luring us in with cheap shrimp cocktails and rigged machines where we’ll lose all of our hard earned cash! I’d say that’s justice!” said Lisa. “Come on Gramps lets go home.”
“No wait! Uh... Oh look! Someone dropped a dollar!” said Gamblor picking up a tiny dollar note with his neon claws.
“Oh hot diggity!” said Gramps taking the dollar and playing on one of the fruit machines that made up Gamblor.
Gamblor laughed evilly.
Meanwhile at the Simpsons house.
Moe and the bar flies helped pull the turkey off of Oscar’s head. However their attempt pulled the turkey out the window and sent it flying far away.
“Awwww... there goes our emergency turkey...” Oscar sighed.
“Not quite... I have an idea...” said Hugo.
Hugo decided to rebuild the eaten turkey with slices of turkey ham and puréed turkey flesh.
“Uh... I don’t think Mom is going to fall for that...” said Oscar.
Meanwhile Marge was in the storage warehouse looking for the turkeys.
“Hmmmmm... now where would the turkeys be... Ah! The refrigerator!” she could a big refrigerator.
“The nice lady under all those beets was right! Now to do a quick swap to avoid making a mess...” said Marge, there was a bird resting on a pile of pizza boxes. Marge did the Indiana Jones bag of sand trick to swap the turkey with a bag of frozen tater tots.
“Success! Now let’s get to the till Maggie.
However two minutes later she was being chased by angry townsfolk.
“Please Marge! Thanksgiving is all I have left!” said Kirk.
“Evacuao La pavo!” said Bumblebee man.
“Surrender the Tom!” said Dr Colossus.
Marge’s helmet was catapulted off by her springy hair and smashed the ceiling burying the angry townsfolk in rubble.
“My oh my! My hair is so full of bounce I could use it send boxes up into the attic!” said Marge.
She went to pay for the turkey but...
“I’d like to pay for this turkey please.” said Marge.
“Oh I’m sorry, you’re mistaken. This is not a turkey. You must have picked up one of our Colonel Tush’s Almost turkeys. It’s actually a genetically modified chicken...” said the till worker.
“Do you still want it?” The till worker asked.
“No...” said Marge. Maggie was staring at us! XD! Marge left in defeat.
Oscar and Hugo were about town gathering supplies. They were spying on Apu’s store where Martin was leaving with a pie.
“Grandma would love this delicious pumpkin pie!” said Martin.
Oscar rang Jimbo on his mobile. The bullies immediately accosted Martin and beat him up. Oscar retrieved the pumpkin pie.
“No pie for you fatty!” said Oscar leaving with the pie.
They then got some organic free range turkeys from the organic store. As such they were very small and three were needed for the whole family.
However Oscar dropped one.
“Oh klutz! Hold on! Five second rule!” He went to grab the turkey but it got stuck on Hugo’s foot.
“Ungh! Get it off! Stupid turkey! Let go!” Hugo kicked the turkey about until it flew off of his foot.
“Well I ain’t eating that...” said Oscar. “We still have two turkeys ready for the table!”
“Nah Uh! These make handy edible boxing gloves!” said Hugo wearing the turkeys on his hands. “Yo Adrian! I’m working up a hunger and beating Clubber Lang!” said Hugo as he took a bite of one of the turkeys.
Oscar sighed and face palmed.
Bart is still waiting in line for his new video game as the store is not open yet. Comic book guy is also in line for some reason with his arm in bandages. Probably from the fighting in the super market over Thanksgiving supplies...
“Yeah we’ll go with that narrator...” said Bart.
The shopkeeper soon opened up the store. And Frink and his flying monkey Balthazar stopped by to visit for some reason...
However the shopkeeper was very rude to the orphans and wouldn’t let them in from the cold.
So Bart did something very noble. “Fifty bucks here says for you to allow me and theses orphans to try out your arcade and play with the toys for two hours.” Bart used his video game money to bribe the shopkeeper.
“But fifty bucks is a lot of money!” said an orphan. “You won’t see that again!”
“What about your video game? Slaughterhouse?” Another asked.
“Oh Milhouse’s parents are divorced, again... he’ll probably get two copies as to buy his love.” said Bart. Bart was hedging that Milhouse would get a copy each from his mom and Dad fighting over him.
Meanwhile Homer and Smithers found a dark room where the turkeys were. The angry turkeys fluttered about gobbling loudly.
“Be careful Simpson. Mr Burns’s turkeys are the product of genetic engineering. They are extremely aggressive, are 90% white meat and sweat butter.” Smithers explained.
“Mmmmm! Butter sweat...” Homer drooled.
“You distract the turkeys and I’ll rescue Mr Burns and escape!” said Smithers.
“And then you’ll come back for me before these turkeys rip me to shreds.” said Homer.
“Uh...” said Smithers.
“Look turkeys! I’m a distraction! Whoop whoop! Whoop!” Homer distracted the turkeys with bizarre antics.
“Sorry Homer but...” Smithers did something that caused grains/cereal to pour out of Homer’s suit. The turkeys were now hungry seeing the grains. Which were bird seed by the way.
“What the?!” Homer gasped seeing the grains pour out of his suit.
“Sorry but a back up target was needed so I can save Mr Burns.” said Smithers.
“Smithers you patsy! You sold me out! You sold me out!” Homer yelled.
“Eh...” said Smithers. He opened a cupboard where Mr Burns was inside hiding.
“Smithers you fool! The bran!” Mr Burns yelled. The bran fell on them knocking them out and spilling everywhere.
“A bran spillage! No time for that though. Must rescue evil boss and lackey who set me up!” said Homer. He punched the turkeys away stunning them.
“Okay that’s the birds dealt with. Now to rescue Mr Burns and Smithers. And Yeeek!” said Homer before screaming at something.
It was a giant mutant Mr Burns turkey!
The Mr Burns Turkey hissed and three snake tongues like the mutant peacocks.
At the Simpsons house Lisa and Gramps were greeted by Moe and the bar flies, Grandma Jacqueline and Patty and Selma waiting outside.
“Oh no! Another angry mob after your father!” said Abe.
“Gramps no! That’s just my dad’s friends and Mom’s family...” said Lisa.
“What gives? The house is empty except a hideous deformed Bart and Oscar!” said Moe.
“Mr Moe that’s my other brother Hugo...” said Lisa.
“And there’s no turkey!” said Lenny.
“I tried to get one for your mom Lis, but uh... that’s the result...” said Oscar.
Hugo was sparring with the small organic turkeys on his hands as boxing gloves and eating them.
Lisa rolled her eyes.
“No turkey?! What am I gonna feed all of these guys? Some turkey flavoured cereal?!” asked Bart coming home with several orphans. Twenty four to be exact.
Meanwhile Marge was driving home in defeat. “Hmmmm! I have no turkey...” said Marge sighing.
Suddenly Homer ran out in front of her. He was in a radiation suit carrying Smithers and Mr Burns.
“Keep running! I have guns in my house! A mighty arsenal of guns!” yelled Homer.
“Oh lord...” Marge sighed trying to quickly brake. She dared not look as she came to a skidding halt. But bumped something.
“Oh no! I’ve hit something! Or some one!” Marge gasped and got out to see what it was. “It’s....” The suspense is killing me! “Three turkeys!” Marge was somewhat happy to be presented with three freshly ran over turkeys. Lisa was upset that the turkeys died.
Soon Marge managed to cook up a high standard turkey dinner to her usual high standards. Eventually everyone was in the dining room eating.
“Hmmm! Turkey is a little dry. Lisa wouldja...” Grampa wanted something gravy.
“Sorry Gramps but I don’t want to be part of any gravy pouring if it’s gonna be poured on turkey...” said Lisa.
“Actually I was wondering if you had anymore of that coconut scented shampoo?” Grampa asked. Yeeeuck!
Everyone complemented the food and Bart being on his best behaviour for once. Hugo was still eating his turkey boxing gloves. Oscar sighed and stirred at his food trying to not look at Hugo.
“So Simpson. You rescued me from three angry turkeys that we are eating right now? And Earth is not still being ruled by Squid men from Venus?” Mr Burns asked.
Homer didn’t know what to say.
“Just say yes. He’s had a very challenging day...” said Smithers.
“Hey Homer, where’s Marge?” Lenny asked.
“Oh she’s in the kitchen still cooking or cleaning up probably.” said Homer.
Bart had spent the remainder of his money on sunglasses for the orphans. So they had sunglasses on...
In the kitchen Marge was busy cleaning the dishes while watching over Maggie.
“Well this is just our little thanksgiving dinner Maggie. Just you and me in the kitchen again...” said Marge.
Maggie sucked her pacifier while playing with her food.