Bart and Frink’s Almost excellent adventures VI Cool Aid. Frink creates a tentacle creature.
And Bart mucks about in his laboratory again.
Meanwhile Frink accidentally spills a cool juice, a chemical formula that makes people cool into the town water supply.
Frink is gasping as he has made a green Frink mutant with tentacles. Homer was in the background eating popcorn.
Bart was messing about in Frink’s lab.
Bart was of course told off by Frink.
GreaT Glavin! Bart no! Not the youtheniser!” said Frink as Bart turned into a baby... Frink sighed at baby Bart.
He took Bart. And muttered as he did so.
He hands Bart over to the green tentacle Frink creature. Bart gulped as the creature slithered his tentacles...
The creature grabbed Bart in his tentacles as he hugged him. Bart struggled and squirmed.
“There that should keep you from causing anymore trouble. I suppose this Frink mutant does have its uses.” said Frink. “Now to work on my latest experiment. If I’m correct, I’ve made a serum that makes dorks and nerds such as myself into cool people! Finally I can get laid!”
Homer was still eating his popcorn. “Well kiddo what do you think?” He asked Oscar.
“Mmmmmm! Hentai monster...” said Oscar aroused.
“Okay... forget I asked...” Homer rolled his eyes.
Bart grunted as he struggled and squirmed. The tentacle Frink creature would not let him go.
Well I think the creature should be the curious bear cub.” said Oscar using his wand to to turn the Frink creature into a curious bear cub tentacle creature. Bart grimaced when he did that.
The curious bear cub tentacle creature grinned and sniffed Bart’s diaper. Bart blushed and struggled.
Hugo came in reading a book. He saw baby Bart being sniffed by the curious bear cub tentacle creature. “I’m not even gonna ask...” He said dryly.
“What’s that you’re reading Hugo?” Oscar asked.
“A tome on ancient artefacts. Did you know the Norse trickster god Loki had a mask? It’s very screwy and cartoony when used...” said Hugo.
“Nobody cares...” said Homer rudely.
“I care!” Oscar retorted.
Bart was still struggling with the curious bear cub tentacle creature’s tentacles.
“I want to play with that tentacle monster.” said Oscar.
Hugo face palmed. “Well go ahead then. I’m sure my brother has had enough now.”
“Eh maybe later...” said Oscar.
Baby Bart was grunting in the curious bear cub mutant’s tentacles as they coiled tight around him. The bear cub headed tentacle mutant was sniffing his diaper.
”Uh I think my brother wants you to free him from that thing...” said Hugo.
”That thing is rather hot...” said Oscar aroused.
Hugo grimaced, freaked out by Oscar’s perverted obsession with tentacles.
Oscar, Bart and Hugo were walking home from Fink’s laboratory. Balthazar the flying monkey was running errands.
The three boys stopped when they heard a dog growling. They looked down to find a white pit bull like the one that was harassing Bart except it had a big wet shiny black nose.
“Uh oh...” said Oscar.
“That looks like the dog that was harassing me!” said Bart.
“Funny you should say that. Because this dog has been harassing me!” said Oscar.
The pit bull grinned and shrank Oscar and age regressed him. He picked up the tiny baby Oscar. He began sniffing him.
Oscar gurgled and stuffed his hands up the pit bull’s nose. Splat! They sunk into something slimy... his boogers!
Oscar groaned in disgust and tugged at the gooey boogers. He tugged frantically but was stuck fast.
The pit bull groaned in disgust and grunted as he struggled to pull Oscar free of his boogers.
“He’s got to stop doing that...” Bart sighed.
”You say that like he does that all the the time. And your dialogue was vague. Who were you referring to and what?” Hugo asked.
”I was referring to Oscar and his gross habit of stuffing his hands up cartoon animal noses every time a cartoon bear or a cartoon dog with a big wet slimy nose shrinks him..,” said Bart.
At home Hugo was on Lisa’s computer looking up information on the mask of Loki. He rolled his eyes as Bart’s website StupidLisaGarbageFace came up. Bart giggled.
“Ah. Loki. Norse trickster god. He could do anything, even change his shape or appearance. He could even turn into a woman...” said Hugo.
“Why do I get the impression he is marketable as a character?” said Bart.
“Well he was a bad guy in the Thor comics and the Avengers. And he was in the Mask 2: Son of the Mask.” said Oscar.
“Ah yeah that crappy sequel with that creepy baby...” said Bart.
”son of the Mask is not crappy!” Hugo snapped.
“Grim Adventures went with Eris instead.” said Oscar.
“Well let’s get hunting for that mask!” said Hugo.
“Wait! If we’re hunting ancient artefacts I want to bring Mighty Max!” said Oscar.
“No Oscar!” Bart face palmed.
Meanwhile the baby from Son of the Mask was sat in his diaper watching the Michigan frog.
“Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal!” sung the frog.
Meanwhile Loki mask empowered Otis was laughing and thinking of a way to dispose of the baby. He had a cartoon dream where he put the baby head first in a cannon and stuffed it full of fireworks. Then he pulled back the baby’s diaper and put a bomb in there. He then lit the cannon and it fired the baby into the sky where he exploded like fireworks.
Meanwhile the baby was aware Otis was watching him. He was in deep thought when his stomach gurgled. He grimaced as he messed his diaper.
Otis ran in panting and sniffed the baby’s diaper. He gagged at the stench and laid him down and changed him rapidly in a cartoon manner. But he put a bomb in his clean diaper.
“No putting bombs in Alvey’s diaper Otis...” Tim took the cartoon bomb out of Alvey’s diaper and threw it away where it exploded off screen.
Meanwhile one evening Frink was on a date yes a date... wonder how his wife feels about that?
“My wife divorced me for flying our son through a window in a mini plane.” said Frink.
He was using cool juice, a chemical formula he made to be cool.
“Ooooh John! You don’t need that!” said his girlfriend throwing away his formula into the water supply. “Executive produce me! Mmmmm!”
They made love all night.
The next day Frink went to the kwik e mart hungover. “One squishee please Apu. Oooooh my head... I must have been boinking all night...” said Frink.
“One squishee coming right up.” said Apu making him a squishee.
“What a tool... squishees are for kids...” said Bart.
Frink paid for his squishee and left.
“Have a lucky day!” said Apu. Frink found this weird that Apu said that.
Things got weirder. Outside everyone was acting weird.
“Here’s the money for tonight’s show.” said Mr Burns to Krusty. “Remember, no blue jokes. We’re a classy establishment.”
“Hey! Hey! Happy Presidents’ Day!” said Krusty.
Abe Simpson was going out with a younger lady. And driving a saloon car even though he can no longer drive properly according to canon and his one off girlfriend Zelda. No not that Zelda, it’s a common forename in America.
“Great Glavin! What is going on with everyone?! They’ve got cool!” said Frink.
Then Frink was greeted by Oscar being violated by a giant tentacle monster and groaning aroused.
”Well I’m Frink and I guess he’s Freak...” Frink sighed.
”I am not a freak!” Oscar yelled. “Oooooooooh!” He groaned as the tentacle monster slithered one of its tentacles down his shorts and into his underwear.
Frink found that Homer was now acting like Frank Sinatra wearing a dinner suit and drinking martinis.
“Well look who crawled out of the large hadron collider...” said cool Homer. “Nah I’m just foolin with ya Charles... I just had my morning cup of Joe and now even cucumbers think I’m cool...”
“Great Glavin! Everyone is cool now!” said Frink.
“Dad is not being cool...” said Bart.
Frink went to the library. “There must be some uncool people here still!” said Frink. Suddenly someone pointed a laser at his forehead. “Ah! Don’t shoot! My cranium is allergic to lead!”
“Don’t worry Professor! This is just a laser toy I bought for my cat Mr Mittens!” said Martin holding a laser pen. Several nerds were in the library, him included.
Ralph frowned. “Quiet you!” He said.
“None of us were affected by the contaminated water Professor!” said Lisa.
“You haven’t drank today?!” Frink asked.
“Of course I had a drink today! I guess we are all too strong willed to be affected by the cool juice.” said Lisa.
“Or that we only drink bottled water.” said Database.
Meanwhile Hugo, Bart and Oscar were looking for the Mask of Loki. Oscar insisted in bringing Mighty Max along.
“Hey I found it!” said Hugo picking up a wooden mask. But the annoying pit bull from earlier grabbed it. “Hey let go! Let go you mangy mutt!” Hugo fought with the dog over the mask.
The scuffle resulted in the mask going on the dog’s face. Suddenly the mask went all slimy. The dog struggled and tugged at the gooey slime as the mask of Loki took effect.
“Oh no...” said Hugo as the dog spun around as a green tornado. The pit bull now had a green cartoony face and was acting very cartoony.
“Uh why does he have a green face?” Bart asked.
“Um, I don’t know! That’s a very good question!” said Hugo.
“That’s like asking why the sun is hot. It was a phase I was going through.” said Alan Cumming Loki.
“Aaaaaagh! Alan Cumming Loki!” Bart screamed.
“Yes! I am invincible!!” Oscar quipped. Bart rolled his eyes at him.
“Don’t do that... I’ve been in other movies you know...” said Alan Cumming Loki.
“Can you get your mask off of this dog! He was already annoying before he put it on...” said Hugo.
“Okay, but my mask is not a toy!” said Alan Cumming Loki.
“So why do you leave it amongst us mortals...” said Hugo as Loki removed the mask from the pit bull.
“Because it’s chaos!” said Loki.
Hugo rolled his eyes as Loki gave him his mask before leaving satisfied he was promoting chaos and discord.
Then Marvel Loki appeared.
“Oh it’s the not funny but serious Loki that doesn’t do anything silly...” said Oscar.
“I am a god you dull creature! And I will not be bullied by-“ said Marvel Loki but the Incredible Hulk grabbed him and smashed him about.
“Puny god...” said Hulk.
Loki whined winded as he lied in a crater.
Frink and the nerds were on the roof of the library.
The “Cool” versions of townsfolk were everywhere.
“I have an antidote in my laboratory.” said Frink.
“But how are we gonna get past the cool people? They’re packed like rats!” said Database.
“That’s it! Rat pack!” said Lisa.
She got out her saxophone and played jazz music.
“That is some sweet Coltrane... I uh say we follow that girl...” said Cool Quimby.
The cool townsfolk followed Lisa as she played jazz music.
“It’s working! She’s got them in a Coltrane train!” said Frink.
“Now play Brubeck!” said Cool Carl with Lou’s moustache.
“Hey did you know Brubeck...(Lisa Geeks out talking about Brubeck)” said Lisa yapping on about Brubeck.
The cool townsfolk were confused.
“Hey she’s a nerd!” said Bart in his dorky church clothes and his spikes combed down.
“Bart why are you here? And why are you dressed for church/court?” said Lisa.
“Because Frink’s cool juice turned me into a dork!” said Bart.
Lisa ran past dork Bart chased by the cool folk.
At home Hugo was studying the mask of Loki. “I shouldn’t really... but...” said Hugo putting on the mask. It went slimy and grappled onto his face. He groaned tugging at the slime that was once the mask. Teddy frightened of this transformation hid under Bart’s bed cowering. He spun around as a green tornado before completing his transformation as a green faced version of himself in a yellow zoot suit.
“Ssssmoking! Somebody stop me!” he said before stretching off screen as the mask’s cartoony effects took effect.
then he annoyed the grouchy land lady from the Mask cartoon and stuffed exploding cigars in her mouth. Then he rolled his eyes about and lolled his tongue while making demented noises at her.
He then went to town that evening when a car was about to run him over. His eyes jumped out of their sockets cartoon style. Suddenly he inflated his butt and the car crashed into it.
He then marched up to the driver’s side of the car and squeezed a very loud horn into the car window. It made a deafening sound.
Then he encounter some very nasty people lurking about.
“Hey dude, got the time?” said a thug.
Hugo pulled out a pocket watch. “Why yes! It’s four point eight seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head!” said Hugo controlled by the mask. Suddenly his pocket watch rang. He honked the thug’s nose and gave him a Melvin wedgie before laughing and running away into a dark alley way.
“He went in that alley way! Get him!” said the thug pulling his underwear off of his head.
The thugs went in the alley way only to find Hugo dressed as a carnie.
“Step right up! Don’t be shy!” said Hugo. “Come on!!” He yelled.
“For you lady. I make a teddy bear.” He made a balloon sculpture teddy bear. He gave it to the lady thug. The guy who got a wedgie wanted it.
“Now where’s my balloons.” said Hugo searching through his pockets. There was a wet squelch as he pulled out a condom... “Oops! Wrong pocket!” He then found the sculpture ballooons.
“For you young man I make a french poodle!” He made a balloon doggy. But it bursted as soon as he handed it over. “Sorry son but the dog was rabid. It had to be put down.” said Hugo.
He then got out a black balloon. “And now my personal favourite!” He said twisting and licking the balloon. He made a tommy gun with it. “A Tommy gun!” The balloon transformed into a real Tommy gun...
The thugs got frightened and ran away.
Hugo laughed maniacally as he fired the Tommy gun. Then he threw the gun aside. “Yes! Such power! With these powers I could become a super hero!”
”What was so heroic about attempting to murder several delinquents?!” Superman yelled at Stanley Ipkiss as the avatar of the Mask.
“Hey they were bad people underpants man! And besides they started on me!” said Stanley/The Mask.
”That doesn’t excuse you trying to murder them!!” Superman yelled.
At breakfast the next day.
“Did anyone notice Hugo was out all night?” said Oscar.
”Nope...” said Bart with geeky hair and his church clothes on.
“All I noticed is that Bart is in squaresville now and I have a craving for martinis.” said Cool Homer.
“Mmmmmmm! Homer it’s nine o Clock the morning...” Marge groaned as Homer sipped a martini.
“My clock says five.” said Homer.
“The chemical formula only changed my clothes.” said Bart. “And I keep talking about square roots all the time for some reason.” Bart was dressed in his church clothes with his spikes combed down.
”It didn’t effect me because I always drink bottled water.” said Lisa. “Our water supply is radioactive because of Mr Burns dumping nuclear waste in it and the occasional LSD spike from Shelbyville when they want revenge over something.”
That evening Hugo tried the mask again.
“P A R T! Why? Because I gotta!” He pulled out his pockets. Moths flew out. “Oh! Can’t make the scene without any green! I better make a quick pit stop!”
He robbed a bank. Not super hero behaviour Hugo...
”Yeah really not Super hero material Mask!” Superman ranted. Uh you do realise he was a lot more violent in the comic Supes...?
Hugo then went home and went in the bathroom and shaved and got ready.
“Hugo are you wearing that mask again...” said Bart.
Hugo ignored him and went out.
He posed as a racist French stereotype doing a bad accent to woo a lady in the park. “J’dore, J’da window? I don’t care! Ahahahaha!”
Lisa, Frink and the nerds went to his lab. There was a green lizard Frink person in a cage labelled “do not feed!” Poor lizard Frink mutant...
“Do you want everyone calling you lefty from now on narrator?” said Frink. Eep!
Dork Oscar was checking out the tentacle Frink mutant. It leapt on his face and wrapped its tentacles around his head. Oscar muffled as he tried to pull the creature off of himself.
“Please do not play with my experiments...” said Frink.
Cool Barney cane in. He threatened the Professor.
”Hey dork, here’s a five fingered discount!” said Barney under the influence of Frink’s cool serum.
”Uh we only have four fingers...” said Frink.
”three fingers and a thumb.” Oscar counted his weird Simpson hands he never made note of. In other universes he had pink skin and four fingers and a thumb on each hand.
“Oh no! The cool juice must be making Mr Gumble aggressive like his evil cousin!” said Lisa.
Cool Barney sipped his martini and was about to punch Frink when he returned to normal.
“Uuuuuurp! What happened?” Barney was normal again.
“I slipped the antidote n your martini!” said Frink.
“Martini?! Yeeeuck! Why would I be seen drinking a martini? I’m going to Moe’s to get a beer!” said Barney going off somewhere.
The cool people were trying to get in. They were at the windows.
“Oh no! The hipsters! They’re trying to get in!” said Lisa.
“Actually they’re Rat Packs. Hipsters are something else...” said Martin.
“Actually we’re already in!” said Dork Bart arriving via the air vent. He brandished his slingshot.
“Look out! He has a slingshot!” said Frink. “Wait a minute! This gives me an idea! Yoink!” He took Bart’s slingshot.
“Hey! Give me my Betsy back!” Bart yelled.
Frink rudely pushed Dork Oscar over. He no longer had the Frink squid thing on his face.
Dork Oscar was wearing a pink sweater that was two sizes too big. And he had big buck teeth. “Hey you’re mean! Waaaaaaaa!” He cried like a baby.
Goth Janey held an umbrella to shield herself from his tear fountains. “Life is misery...” she said.
Frink went outside and fired the vial of antidote into the air. It rained down on the townsfolk turning them back to normal.
“What happened? And why am I wearing a suit?” asked Lenny.
“Woohoo! It’s past nine and I’m not at work!” Homer cheered.
“We did it Professor! Everyone is back to normal!” said Lisa. There was a random lady in the background.
“Anyway that’s the end of the main story but I made a B story involving the Mask... and Jim Carey...” said Oscar.
Meanwhile at Professor Frink’s laboratory. Baby Oscar was playing with the Frink tentacle mutant. He turned it into a curious bear cub tentacle mutant and honked its big green shiny nose.
The bear cub headed Frink mutant winced and rubbed his sore nose.
Bart sighed as he leaned on a lab table bored.
Suddenly Mr Burns stormed in. “Professor we had a written contract. You say nothing about me polluting the environment and I-“ he saw the mask of Loki. “Oh! I think you should give that to me right now!” Mr Burns demanded.
“Uh no.” Said Hugo.
“Give it to me!!” Mr Burns demanded. He grabbed the mask.
“No! It’s mine! I found it!” Hugo yelled as the fought over the mask.
Eventually Mr Burns got the mask. “At last! The Mask of Loki is finally mine!” said Mr Burns. He put it on his face.
“Uh I wouldn’t do that if I were you Mr Burns.” said Hugo but Mr Burns didn’t listen to him. He put on the Mask. It went slimy. He transformed into his head on four green spider like legs.
“Ah! So this is what you are playing about with...” said Mr Burns. He shot two tendrils out of the top of his head as it opened up like a pod and they wrapped up Hugo. He grunted and struggled as he was pulled towards Mr Burns as a green head with spider legs.
“Nnnngh! What’s going on?” Hugo grunted.
“Uh... your super powered form depends on your personality. If you’re evil the mask turns you into a monster...” said Bart.
“Oh.” said Hugo.
Baby Oscar gurgled as the curious bear cub tentacle creature was changing his diaper. It grimaced and retched because his diaper stank.
Bart rolled his eyes and looked for something in the laboratory to subdue the Loki Mask Mr Burns monster. He threw a chemical formula at him. The Mr Burns monster just mutated by getting bigger and bigger and getting sharp teeth and purple tongues.
“Oh that was real helpful bro! Not!” Hugo groaned. Mr Burns grabbed them with his purple tongues. He lifted them up in the air while cackling. Then his head ripped open to expose his skin underneath.
“I wonder why he did that?” Hugo asked as the Mr Burns monster had grabbed baby Oscar and baby Alvey.
Mr Burns ripped his head open further. There was a secondary mouth with razor sharp teeth.
“Oh... that’s more like it I suppose.” Hugo gulped.
Oscar gurgled in baby language to Alvey. “Do something cartoony! You’re the son of Loki’s Mask!”
Alvey grunted as he was tied up by Mr Burns’s purple tongue. He turned himself into a clown. A baby diaper wearing clown with a big red shiny nose.
“Oh that’s real helpful Alvey...” Bart rolled his eyes.
“Hehehe! Clown!” said Oscar cooing happily.
Bart struggled. “Goodbye Hugo...”
”Goodbye Bro, I hope you reincarnate as something with more brain cells!” Hugo snapped.
Then Jim Carey as the Mask came to the rescue.
“Smmmmmoking!” said Jim Carey.
“Jim Carey!” Bart and Hugo cheered.
The Jim Carey Mask outwitted the Mr Burns monster and used cartoon tricks on him like clobbering him with a big mallet.
Jim Carey subdued the Mr Burns Loki mask monster by tying it up with its tongues.
“Good that’s one freak down. Now for the other two.” said Bart referring to the Curious bear cub tentacle creature and Alvey as a baby clown tormenting a tiny Oscar.
Oscar gurgled and stuffed his hands up Clown Alvey’s nose, splat! They sunk into something slimy. His boogers.
Oscar struggled and squirmed. Tugging at the boogers.
Alvey gurgled and groaned in disgust as he tried to pull Oscar free.
Bart and Hugo grimaced.
“I say we leave him be. We need to get that mask back to Loki.” said Hugo.
“True.” said Bart. They pulled the mask off of Mr Burns returning him to normal and they went off to find Loki.
Bart and Hugo did not get very far when that annoying pit bull dog with the big shiny black nose grabbed the mask from Hugo.
“Hey! Give that back!” Hugo yelled.
But the dog somehow put the mask on and turned into a green faced cartoon dog powered by the mask’s power. It seemed to like giving its hosts green faces.
“Oh no!” Bart and Hugo sighed.
The dog was being goofy and cartoony and doing silly antics. Hugo grimaced and his nose ran and peed himself slightly.
Then Alvey ran about in a cartoon manner chasing the curious bear cub tentacle creature but the mask of Loki enhanced pit bull grabbed the back of his diaper with his teeth and yanked him backwards. Alvey struggled but gave up and let the elasticity of his diaper pull him ack and he fell on his butt. The Pit bull seemed more interested in duelling Alvey with their cartoon like powers against one another.
Bart and Hugo watched the Insane fight play out.
The cartoon green faced dog powered up by the Mask of Loki and Baby Alvey were hitting each other with mallets, blowing each other up... and so on.
Then in a tornado Loki, the Norse trickster god arrived.
“Yes I am invincible!!” Oscar yelled.
“Will you stop doing that?!” Loki yelled.
Then the cops arrived lead by Wiggum.
“Freeze! Enough green faced looneys!” said Wiggum. He sighed as The Mask as Cuban Pete arrived.
“But officer! It wasn’t me! It was the one armed bandit!” said Jim Carey as the Mask.
“Hey!” said Herman the one armed man annoyed.
Jim Carey turned from Cuban Pete to French guy Mask to The Mask in his usual yellow zoot suit to a baseball player.
“Okay even I, the god of trickery and chaos think this is getting tiresome.” said Loki played by Alan Cummings taking the mask back.
“Wait if you’re the funny trickster version of Loki. Who is that killjoy from the Marvel comics supposed to be.
“Mwuhahahaha! I am your master now mortals!” said Marvel Loki trying to rule the world.
“He’s probably me later in life when I stopped with the light hearted pranks and got really nasty and caused Ragnarok. The end of everything...” said Alan Cumming Loki.
Hulk punched Marvel Loki into the sun.
“Well that’s that sorted. I must go now.” said Alan Cumming Loki.
“Now to sort out the mess with those other two freaks.” said Bart staring at Baby Alvey Avery as a clown and the Frink tentacle mutant.
”Glavin.” said the tentacle mutant.
”Mmmmmm! Hentai monster...” Oscar drooled.
”Oz stop it!” Bart snapped.
The tentacle monster Frink mutant drank a potion that made him bigger.
A green tentacle coiled round Bart’s waist and hoisted him up into the air.
”Ungh! Let me go you overgrown sashimi!” Bart grunted.
Hugo was grabbed by the tentacle mutant and winced as the tentacle holding him coiled round him.