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Bart and Frink’s Almost Excellent Adventures V Clone Alone!

Bart on a school trip to Frink’s lab causes utter chaos once again when he goes inside an instant clone maker and makes lots of clones of himself!

Meanwhile more Oscar and Üter shipping.

Plot[]

At fourth grade class everyone is talking, fighting, giving Martin wedgies etc. While Mrs Krabappel is trying to get their attention.

“Attention class. Attention class!” Mrs Krabappel asks but it is no use as they are too distracted. We pan over more of what everyone is doing. Mostly it’s just everyone chatting. However for example. Nelson is giving Martin a wedgie. Wendell is being sick, Boy with shades is running along the desks... Oscar is playing with his plastic dinosaurs and Bart is extremely bored.

Mrs Krabappel sighs and gets out some fire crackers she confiscated from Bart. She lights them and throws them near Milhouse’s desk. They pop and bang loudly startling everyone. They all are quiet.

“At last. As I was trying to explain children. We have a school trip tomorrow to Professor Frink’s lab instead of science lessons. I trust our trip won’t end up with any mishaps Bart...” Krabappel explained sighing. There were flashbacks of Bart causing an incident at the ball bearing factory with the machines going haywire.

“What did that kid do?!” A worker cried as it rained ball bearings.

”We’re doomed!”

A man was lying in the conveyor belt worried as he headed into the machine...

Bart at the police station making a huge sound wave with the megaphones.

“Testing! Testing! Testing!” said the loud sound wave as Bart was thrown backwards by its power. It spread through Springfield shattering glass and deafening people.

Bart at the box factory bored and asking bizarre questions.

”Have any of your workers had their hands cut off by machines?”

”Um... no...”

”And then the hands crawl about on their own and try to strangle people...”

”Uh no...”

”Any popped eyeballs?” Bart asked squinting.

”I don’t know what factory you’re imagining but this factory only makes boxes.”

Bart sighed. “Why is it always me?” he whined. “What about that fourth grade trip to the chocolate factory? That wasn’t me who acted up! It was that chocolate eating second grader who tagged along...”

“Ninety nine percent of the time it’s you Bart...” Mrs Krabappel replied snarking.

...

Meanwhile at Frink’s lab. He eventually relented and let Hugo be his assistant without comparing him to Igor or a lab mutant.

“Okay I guess you’ll amount to more than an Igor my spike haired assistant...” said Frink.

Hugo was experimenting.

“Hey hey! Do not touch that! Great glavin I have my hands full with your brother touching things he doesn’t understand!” Frink stopped him from mixing chemicals. “The last thing I need is your mother yelling at me again because you turned yourself into a squid mutant or something!”

“I highly doubt that’s gonna happen with a simple example of making Elephants toothpaste...” said Hugo. “Or to use its correct term. The study of catalysts on Hydrogen Peroxide decomposition when I add Potassium Iodide...”

Frink frowned at his smart ass response. “Uh that’s Potassium Sulphide II...”

Hugo’s experiment exploded violently in his face. He looked extremely hilarious with a black face of soot from the explosion and his hair blasted back so it looked like Bart’s spikes. And of course burnt clothes.

“You could have told me that earlier...” Hugo sighed.

Bart arrived.

“Okay time to get home Hugo.” said Bart. He grimaced. “Did one of your little science experiments blow up on you again...”

“Yeah...” Hugo sighed. “I haven’t had so much soot on my face since that time I made an exploding robot...

Hugo has a cutaway gag to the attic where he was constructing a robot. He lets Oscar view it when its finished.

“He’s very nervous so don’t startle him.” Hugo explained.

“Please to meet you.” said the robot shaking Oscar’s hand.

“Actually we’ve met once before.” Oscar explained.

“What?!” the robot yelled and blew up violently. Oscar was covered in soot and holding a robot hand.

In the present Bart rolled his eyes at Hugo’s flashback. “Anyway see you tomorrow Professor!”

“Eh wha? Oh yeah the school trip. Flavin...” said Frink.

Bart and Hugo went home.

...

Marge was not happy Hugo got soot on himself again. She muttered and made references to past times this happened while scrubbing his face clean.

“I already have my hands full with Oscar constantly trying to wear black face...” said Marge.

Oscar was trying to sneak out while dressed as a Golliwog...

...

The next day was the morning of the school trip to Frink’s lab. Mrs Krabappel read the register to make sure all her class were on.

“Ace Dracula. Bart Simpson, Hugo Simpson, Milhouse Van Houten, Oscar Tamaki, Nelson Muntz, Martin Prince, Sherri and Terri, Richard, Lewis, Wendell, Boy with pink shades... Not wearing his shades today I see. (Boy with pink shades shrugs his shoulders), Lewis clone... Bald kid with small eyes...”

Eventually everyone was seated on the bus so Mrs Krabappel left.

And now for the secondary story arc.

Oscar did not like sitting next to Wendell because he was travel sick.

“Mrs Krabappel can I move? Wendell looks like he’s about to throw up and I’d rather it wasn’t over me...” said Oscar.

“Fine, but the only space is next to a Üter the German kid.

“That’s fine.” said Oscar lightening up, Bart sighed at his odd friendship with Üter. Who was constantly trying to share his candy with others.

Oscar sat down next to Üter.

“Oh ja! Guten tag freund!” Üter greeted him. The he started immediately trying to offer him sweets.

“Would you like a bite of my Zuckerbar? (A sweet like a stick of rock but it would get messy really quickly when sucked and slurped. Üter already has purple splashed around his mouth from slurping on it.) Or perhaps some of my marzipan Joy Joys!” He had a bag labelled Joy Joys! Mit iodine.

Oscar did not want to lick something that had been in Uter’s mouth. “Uh... I’ll just have a Joy Joy.” said Oscar taking a marzipan sweet. “You know you’re so much nicer than that Augustus Gloop kid from Charlie and the chocolate factory.”

“Oh Ja. Original or the remake?” Üter asked.

“The remake. He was so mean to poor Charlie!” said Oscar.

Bart groaned as he could hear their stupid conversation.

“Oh ja! He is very bad! He should share his candy!” said Üter.

“Will you guys get a room!?” Bart got up to yell at them.

“Bart sit down at once!” Mrs Krabappel scolded him.

...

Eventually they arrived at Frink’s lab. Wendell puked when they arrived.

“Eeeeeeew!” Everyone groaned.

“Hey you had waffles for breakfast!” said Oscar to him. Pointing out the contents of his puke. Eeeeugh!

They were welcomed into the laboratory by the eccentric scientist. He peppered his speech with Glavins and Ga-hoys!

“And these are my latest invention, the hamburger earmuffs. It took me months to crack the pickle matrix.” said Professor Frink.

Meanwhile Bart was bored and looking at all of Frink’s stuff. Such as hideous mutations in jars filled with liquids and strange machines and cages full of monkeys.

“Bart keep your hands to yourself and not my experiments!” Frink could see he was distracted. “Sit down on this stool where you can’t cause trouble!”

Bart sat down on a stool and looked extremely bored as Frink continued showing off his inventions. Bart wasn’t sure what this had to do with what they were learning in class. But regardless it was just as mind numbingly boring!

Suddenly he spies a machine labelled “Instant clone machine. Presumably it made clones of the test subject inside.

Bart noticed the Professor was distracted talking about his inventions. He sneaked away to get at the cloning machine.

“And this detects time fractures but also unfortunately boils eggs at fifty paces where I want it to or not.” said Frink.

“Hey look! Bart’s doing something!” said Milhouse.

Bart was using the cloning machine.

“Oh god no! Not the cloning machine!” yelled Frink.

“Bart Simpson! Get away from there!” Mrs Krabappel told him off. Unfortunately he zapped himself. After the blinding flash the fourth graders and Krabappel and Frink saw that in the cloning machine were no less then twenty Barts!

“Oh my goodness!” said Mrs Krabappel.

“Great Glavin! By Sherman Klump’s fat ass! What have you done?!”

“Cooool! I cloned myself!” said Bart.

“Ay carumba!” said a clone.

“Eat my shorts!” said another.

“Don’t have a cow man!” said yet another.

Some were climbing out of pods.

Ploot! A pod spat out a Bart clone. Unfortunately they didn’t come out slimy. Matt isn’t into that sort of thing...

Mrs Krabappel was unsure how she was going to explain this to Bart’s parents.

...

At home Homer was dismayed as Mrs Krabappel told him the news while dropping off all the Barts. “Here’s Bart. And here’s another... and another... and-“ said Mrs Krabappel as each of the Barts walked in.

“Yeah I get it! Now can I get to throttling the boy?” asked Homer.

“That’s your idea of punishment? Ha! Good luck! Oh and is your wife going to be alright? What with the fainting...” said Mrs Krabappel.

“She’s fine... I’ll get her a pillow later.” said Homer. Marge has fainted.

Mrs Krabappel left.

Eventually Marge revived.

“What are we going to do?” Marge asked as the crowd of Barts ran about.

“Well technically they’re all Bart! You’re not thinking of getting rid of some are you?” Lisa asked.

“Oh no! I suppose if they’re all my special little guy! We’ll just have to make allowances for them until the Professor can fix this!” said Marge.

At dinner Marge exhausted herself making dinners for each of the clones. Then at bath time Lisa was dismayed to find a long line of Barts waiting for the bathroom.

“Mom! Bart 13 pushed in front of me!” said a Bart.

At bedtime Marge had arranged a way that all the Barts had somewhere to sleep. Some were in Bart’s bed top and tail. Some were in sleeping bags, others in hammocks. Some were even sleeping in draws.

“Goodnight my special little guys.” Marge kisses them each goodnight.

“Mom, Bart 6 keeps stealing the blanket!” said Bart.

“Ooooooh!” Marge groaned.

...

The next day the Barts had breakfast and got ready for school.

“Don’t be late for the bus!” said Marge as the Barts left.

Once they were long gone she was crestfallen. “Homer we have to do something! We can’t keep all these clones! They’ll eat us out of house and home!” said Marge.

“We could save on money and food if you’d just let me lock the freak away again!” said Homer petulantly. He was talking about Hugo.

“Homer! No!” Marge scolded him. “And shame on you! Hugo’s our son!”

Homer groaned.

At School Mrs Krabappel was horrified to see she had an entire classroom of Barts!

“Gah!” she screamed and dropped her morning coffee! It’s like my worst nightmare! She pondered to herself.

Meanwhile the novelty of having his own army of clones wore thin... the Barts were squabbling over their toys.

“Mine!”

“No mine!”

“I wanna play with Krusty!”

The original Bart went to have words with his Mom.

“Mom! When is the professor gonna fix this?! I thought having clones would e fun! But they’re getting annoying!” Bart whined.

Marge sighed. “It won’t belong now, hopefully...”

Plot 2[]

Meanwhile Oscar was out playing with Üter. He was eating candy, he was sucking on a candy cane and holding a very large chocolate bar that he had taken a bite out of.

“Would you like a lick of my candy?” Üter offered him his candy cane that had been in his mouth... Eeeeew!

Oscar reluctantly licked it and shivered in disgust. “Well now that we’re friends now Üter how about you tell me where you bought that beastly sized chocolate bar? Ooooooh baby!” Oscar looked at his chocolate bar eagerly.

“Ja! Certainly! But first how abouts a winzig snicker snackadoodle?” asked Üter offering him a bite of the chocolate bar.

Oscar was very reluctant as it had been bitten. “Uh can’t you break me off a piece? A bit that hasn’t got teeth marks in it...”

“Nein! Dummkopf!” Üter said with a frown and stuffed the chocolate bar in his mouth and made him take a bite.

Oscar grimaced as he chewed and swallowed the chocolate. It would have been nice but all he could taste was the inside of Üter’s mouth...

“DreckMusch...” Üter smirked as Oscar had chocolate smeared across his mouth in a messy manner. He looked like a messy kindergartener.

Oscar groaned at the thought of eating something that Üter had been chewing on.

“Come! To the schokoladen! Schnell! Schnell!” said Üter. Taking him to a sweet shop. This one specialised in selling very large chocolate bars suited to Üter’s appetite.

Oscar bought a monster sized chocolate bar like Üter had, but with nuts inside.

“My pocket money won’t stretch that far every week! I’ll have to stick to Apu’s...” Oscar sighed as he was dismayed at the amount of money he spent on a chocolate bar.

...

At home Bart had been grounded for something. Probably creating clones of himself.

“Dad can I go out?” Bart asked.

“No. You’re grounded.” said Homer.

“Dad can I go out?” asked another Bart but Honer assumed he was just repeating himself.

“No! You’re grounded!”

“Dad can I-“ asked another Bart.

“No! I just said- Aaaaaagh!” Homer yelled but screamed when he saw all the Bart clones. “Don’t freak me out like that! Now go to your room! All of you!”

“Okay! Don’t have a cow Dad!” They all said at once.

Homer screamed.

American Dennis the menace was confused. Yes they did an episode where he clones himself.

Later Oscar got home.

“Well look who the cat dragged in...” said Homer trying get the cat to touch Oscar with her paws but she screeched when he picked her up and scratched and escaped off somewhere.

“Very funny... not!” said Oscar eating his monster sized chocolate bar.

“Where did you get such a huge chocolate bar?!” Homer asked.

“Oh there’s a German candy store in the ethnic quarter. They sell all sorts of super sized candy.” said Oscar eating chocolate.

“Oooooooh!” said Homer.

“No Homer!” Marge didn’t like him being encouraged by unhealthy food.

“I’m not listening dear!” Homer petulantly ignored her as he went off to buy super sized candy and chocolate.

Oscar then encountered Bart.

“What was this about a candy store that sells supersized candy bars?” Bart asked eagerly.

“I’d show you, but aren’t you grounded?” Oscar asked.

“Meet me at my treehouse later...” said Bart.

...

Later Bart dressed as a ninja met up with a Oscar as promised. Once they were a block away he removed his ninja robes. “With my clones no one will notice I’m gone...” said Bart.

Oscar guided him to the Ethnic quarter of town where they ran to avoid foreign women selling octopus, puppets, cholera etc.

Eventually they arrived at the German candy store. Bart was entranced by the candy. Especially the huge candy bars.

ZuckerGrubba... You are my new haunt...” said Bart.

“Better be loaded with bucks then... the giant candy is not cheap...” said Oscar.

“I know...” said Bart rolling his eyes.

Bart and Oscar left to head home. Bart had bought a big, and I mean big! Chocolate bar and was eating it.

...

Meanwhile clone 22 took Bart’s Skateboard and headed to Frink’s laboratory.

”Professor.... I’m returning the fourth dimensional fake vomit you lent me...” said Clone 22.

But the Professor was out.

Bart Clone 22 saw an amplifier.

”An Amp. Well I have my silver Krusty Guitar plectrum.” said Bart clone 22. He got out a silver Krusty head and his red guitar. He plugged it in and turned up the amp volume but first accidentally turned up a dial for the cloning machine.

”Whoops! Wrong dial! There!”

He got ready to rock!

”Let’s rock!” He played a chord. However the very powerful sound system sent him flying with a loud sound wave and he smashed a subject tube of the cloning device.

”Ooooh I’m screwed! And I have a headache...” Bart groaned.

”Need a hand, dude?” Someone helped him up.

They were another Bart.

“Ay carumba! More clones! How am I gonna explain this to Mom?! She’s still mad at me for hiding a frog in my underwear drawer...” said Bart clone 22.

”Wait a minute! We Er I mean I have a particular pet frog! Bart Jr!” said one of the new clones.

”Oh yeah...” said Bart clone 22, “It might have been Bart Jr I put in there...”

”Wait a minute! We Er I mean I released Bart Jr when I went to Australia!” said a clone with a blue shirt.

”Oh yeah...” said Bart clone 22. Bart Jr returns when he is needed Smartypants...

“Hey man! Hey man! Hey man!” The clones greeted each other.

More were spat out of the hanging pods.

Ploot!

I don’t care that gross stuff isn’t your thing Matt, the pod clones this time came out slimy and groaning as hey wiped off the slime...

”Eeeeeeew! Now I know how Tom Arnold felt on his wedding night...” A pod clone groaned.

...

Bart 22 returned with 29 more Barts.

”Oh my word!” Marge gasped.

”Can I keep em? Huh? Can I?” Bart 22 asked.

”No! Mom these clones were fun at first but now they are really annoying! No! You can’t keep em you bad clone!” Bart told off Bart 22.

”Who made you the boss?!” Bart 22 argued.

”I’m the original Bart! That’s who!” Bart yelled.

A Bart Got his head stuck in the spindles of the stairs. Another swung from a ceiling lamp and two were arguing, presumably Bart 22 and the original.

...

The Bart’s at dinner delegated things. “Dibs on the bathroom!”

”Dibs on the treehouse!”

”Dibs on the Games Master 3000!”

”Dibs on pestering Lisa!”

”Uh Mom...” said Hugo.

”Yes dear.”

”Anyone notice some of this batch of clones didn’t get created properly...”

One clone was wearing a blue shirt. One wore glasses. One was fat. One was tall. One was Tracy Ullman Shorts Bart from the Tracy Ullman show. One was Lester. And one wasn’t Bart but Linus Van Pelt.

”Of course! Cloning is a lot like using a 3D printer and your data gets corrupted. Something can go wrong and you don’t get a proper copy. Basically it’s a mutation.” said Lisa singing the word Mutation.

”Cooooool! Mutations!” Hugo said rubbing his hands together with glee.

Meanwhile Oscar drank a soda while criticising American Dennis’s friends.

”Joey MacDonald... That’s not as endearing as Pieface... is it...?” Oscar commented.

”Oh put a sock in it Limey! I am better than your Dennis!” American Dennis sulked.

...

When the Barts were eventually ungrounded they all ran to the Kwik-E-Mart in a chorus of “squishee! Squishee!” repeatedly and went inside and bought squishees.

“Thank you and come again!” said Apu. Then suddenly the Barts all ran out clutching their groins clearly bursting for the loo and all ran moaning into the alley by the Kwik e Mart and then there’s a sound of flies being unzipped and relieved sighs from the Barts.

Then they were hungry and ate all of Gil’s corn like the Homer clones did.

“Oh well, at least I have my health...” said Gil. The Barts ran back and ate him like a swarm of piranhas. Leaving just his clothes and bones.

Meanwhile Frink bursted in.

“Gahoy! I have made some adjustments to my cloning machine, replaced a shattered subject chamber cylinder Bart 22 broke and I’ll be able to get rid of Bart’s clones! Now where is the yellow swarm?” Frink asked.

“He took himself or should I say, him selves to the Kwik-E-Mart for squishees. He has returned yet...” said Lisa.

“Great Glavin! Then we must find him before it’s too late!” said Frink.

“What do you mean? It’s not like he can continue replicating like the Homer clones could! There’s only a finite number of them!” said Oscar. “Oh wait, he did, or clone 22 did....”

“One Bart is already a nightmare to deal with. More would be unthinkable!” said Frink.

“Uh huh.” said Homer.

“Yup.” said Marge.

“Amen.” said Lisa.

”Indubitably.” said Hugo. ALVIIIIIIINNN!

“Can’t argue there.” said Skinner.

“Ha!” said Mrs Krabappel.

“Will you guys stop picking on him?! You’re making him out to be this out of control monster!” Oscar ranted.

In Springfield the Barts went on a rampage pranking people and smashing up stuff while laughing evilly. People ran away screaming as the town was on fire.

...

They soon found the Barts wandering in a group.

“They’ve formed a hive mind... it’s as I feared!” Frink warned.

“I’m sure if you ask nicely he’ll cooperate...” said Oscar.

The Simpsons and Frink and Skinner and Krabappel asked Bart and his clones to cooperate with them and head to Frink’s lab.

“Well, I did want to go to the arcade. Oh I mean we wanted to,..” said Bart before being corrected to speak as a group by one of his clones.

“Please Bart. For me?” Oscar asked.

“Oh... oh right... let’s go guys...” Bart sighed and complied.

“And can you all say in unison, We are legion?” Oscar asked.

“No!” said Bart.

“Please...” Oscar begged him.

The Barts sighed. “We are legion!” They all said at once.

Oscar laughed.

They headed to the lab and with a bribe. A Radioactive Man comic, they lured the Barts, all of them, into the machine. Frink pulled some levers and twisted some dials. Suddenly the clones were all zapped and cried out in pain as they were all fused back into a single Bart.

“Man that smarts...” Bart groaned.

Marge hugged and kissed him, humiliating him as she was glad to have her special little guy back to normal once again.

“I hope you learned a valuable lesson Bart.” said Frink.

“Probably Doc, but I know having lots of clones wasn’t what it was cracked up to be. But I did have some fun...” said Bart. His family frowned at him. “Okay, I’ll stop causing so many mishaps...”

“Good. I think this adventure has drawn to a close. I like happy endings where nothing else happens...” said Professor Frink.

However in the background Bart was enthusiastically running towards a machine labelled “Instant giant maker.” He was of course going to cause trouble with it...

The end!

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