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Bart stops to Smell the Roosevelts At a school fundraiser with an aquatic life theme Bart causes trouble as usual as a British old widow called Edith Knickertwist pretending to pay thousands for useless junk the school is trying to auction. The next day having enough of years of being yelled at by his boss, Skinner stands up to Chalmers and goads him that if he thinks it’s so easy to control Bart, he can be his personal teacher. Chalmers decides to do just that and gets Bart fascinated in Theodore Roosevelt. However he ends up coming to blows with his sister Lisa who prefers Franklin D Roosevelt.

Then Gary Chalmers accidentally forgets to fill out proper forms before taking students on a school trip and a mishap there causes Chalmers’s boss, yes he has a boss..., to suspend him from his job. So Bart holds the school hostage again, while dressed as Theodore Roosevelt. And Robin Williams as Theodore Roosevelt from Night at the Museum cameos.

Plot[]

The title gag is Arnie Pye flying in his news chopper when he sees the title. “The Simpsons? Whaaaa?!” And he falls out of the helicopter.

The bill board gag is Sea Captain McCallister advertising how to speak parrot. How about how to speak like an old sea dog. Arrrrr!

The chalkboard gag is “it is too early to speculate about the 2016 election.”

Oscar writes on the blackboard next to Bart’s “Trump wins!”

They both skateboard home.

The couch gag is the first of many animated by guest animators! Which will be a thing from now on. This one is animated by John Kricfalusi. The guy who made Ren and Stimpy.

The Ren and Stimpy style Simpsons sit on the couch. Bart sits like a small dog as if he’s a pet. He is only wearing a green t shirt and is naked from the waist down!

“Beeeeeeer!” Homer bellows. Startling everyone.

Marge suddenly gets up in a disjointed manner as cartoon sounds play as she goes to the kitchen.

“Oooooh! I love how that woman walks!” said Homer commenting on his wife’s beauty as she walks shaking her booty.

Bart then becomes a fire creature to show he is thinking of something devious. He pulls out from nowhere a whoopee cushion and places it under Homer.

Homer sits on it and it makes a fart sound. He blushes embarrassed.

Bart laughs.

“Why you little!” yelled Homer as he strangled Ren and Stimpy style Bart until he turned green.

Marge arrives with Homer’s beer and he kisses her and they sit blissfully unaware of Bart lying dead with crosses for eyes from being strangled.

And now the episode.

........

The Simpsons including Hugo and baby Eric go to the school with Oscar one night for a school fundraiser with an aquatic life theme. There is a cardboard cutout of an octopus on the marquee.

“This year’s theme: Drowning in debt!” The octopus is sad and holding bills.

“Ah they always come up with catchy phrases and themes for things we didn’t pay for, for kids we didn’t want...” ranted Homer.

The Simpson kids start wailing and crying.

“Oh Homer...” Marge sighed, annoyed with him. They went inside the school.

.....

Inside the gymnasium was a busy jumble sale of school souvenirs etc and sea life themed decorations. There was a whale with IOUs spilling out of its blowhole. A nineteenth century deep sea diver on an island with a sign reading “Please kelp!” The old fashioned diver pulled out his pockets to show he was poor.

“Oh look! The gym ropes are seaweed!” Marge beamed. “And the basketball nets are fish nets!” There was arts and crafts tissue seaweed on the gym ropes and plastic fish in the basketball nets.

Sea captain poured them out into a bucket.

“Arrrrrr! Plastic... well it’s still healthier than what I get out o the polluted ocean...” he was going to sell plastic fish as produce.

The Simpsons stood in the middle of the gym deciding where to look first. what stalls or activities.

“Where’s Hugo gone off to?” asked Marge.

Hugo quickly returned while chewing on a plastic fish. Because he genuinely thought it was a real fish and chewing it as a teething toy.

Marge sighed with relief.

They all went to Edna’s stall. She was dressed as a sexy mermaid.

“Hey Marge, how about buying a Springfield Elementary shirt? Or a jersey?” Mrs Krabappel implied, selling her merchandise for the school fundraiser.

“Oh no! I don’t want people knowing my kids go to such a crappy school!” Homer prompted.

“Ha! We also sell sweaters and uniforms of other better schools...” said Mrs Krabappel, displaying school sweaters of better schools such as Tuition Academy, St. Sebastian's School for Wicked Girls and Morningwood Academy. Hehehehe! Morning Wood...Springfield Magnet School, Waverly Hills School, Li'l Ludwig's Music School, Springfield Preparatory School, Miss Tillingham's School for Snotty Girls and Mama's Boys, Rommelwood Military School, West Springfield Elementary, Cypress Creek Elementary, Chazz Busby Ballet Academy, Onward Christian Schoolboys Academy, Springfield Creative Arts Academy, St Jerome's Catholic School and Cloister’s Academy.

“Oooooh! Bart, Lisa and Hugo can wear these to the nice mall!” expressed Marge, buying the school sweaters of other better schools.

Homer was looking around shifty.

“Mrs K! Uh isn’t that Mermaid costume a little too revealing for Ned...” Bart asked.

“Well I haven’t exactly modeled it for him...” said Mrs Krabappel.

“Great gospels! Edna, when you told me you were gonna be in costume for tonight’s fundraiser I wasn’t expecting the not so little mermaid of Austin!” exclaimed Ned annoyed, with his wife being dressed promiscuously.

“Oh Ned I thought you had got over this... for Pete’s sake honestly...“

“And you folks on the other side of that TV Screen thought this was a great match up.. congratulations for making fools of yourselves...” said Oscar to the fourth wall.

...

Then there was an auction. Skinner was dressed as a sailor.

“Ha! Told you I could make you wear that, Seymour!”” said Agnes.

“Mother...” Skinner sighed.

Everyone was sat for the auction.

“And now it’s time for lights, cameras, auction! Hahahaha!” Skinner chuckled at his stupid pun. “No cameras, please.

“That joke sucked!” Homer yelled.

“First item up for bid is always a favourite, lunch with Principal Skinner!” announced Skinner.

Everyone was silent or coughed in disinterest.

“Mmmmmm! Steamed hams that taste suspiciously like Krusty Burgers...” moaned Oscar, rubbing his tummy.

“Yes, very funny Oscar. I was actually planning something different this year...” Skinner sighed.

Everyone wasn’t interested.

“I’ll just leave the food on your doorstep and ring the bell.” remarked Skinner.

“Next up is this delightful workbench crafted by second grade in wood shop class!” announced Skinner, displaying a poorly built bench what had written in it “Ralph” in red letters, some of which were backwards.

“That Ralph took all the credit for...” Lisa muttered, annoyed.

“Yes quite so... shall we start the bidding at a hundred dollars?” Skinner asked.

Some parents put their clam shell paddles up.

“Don’t buy it! I bought one last year and it was crap construction!” Homer goaded.

“Homer, ssssssh! You’re hurting our kids feelings!” Marge shushed.

“Yeah Dad! Twenty percent of the work on that bench was my own!” Lisa whined.

“Do I here fifty dollars?” Skinner asked.

“Panels down! It’s the only way to change the system!” Homer cajoled.

“Homer! The school, our kids school needs that money desperately!” Marge said sharply.

Suddenly Skinner’s phone rang. “Y’ello? Calling from England? Yes I can certainly put you on loud speaker!” said Skinner putting loud speaker on.

(Bart in a silly British accent): “Good evening! I am Edith Knickertwist! An eccentric old widow!”

Lisa rolled her eyes as she could tell exactly who the caller really was. After all his seat at the auction was empty...

“For this masterpiece I bid one thousand dollars!” said Edith Knickertwist. We cut to Bart in the hall on a school phone with Nelson and Jimbo laughing in the background.

Everyone gasped.

“Sold! To the mysterious and unverified Edith Knickertwist!” said Sinner.

“Next up, our school band, will play at a function of your choice!” said Skinner.

“I bid four thousand dollars!” said Edith Knickertwist.

Everyone gasped.

“Wow! Looks like our solar system will finally get an Earth!” said Skinner.

...

Later.

The song We’re in the money! played as various things were sold for thousands to the rich widow Edith Knickertwist.

Including a shirtless lawn mowing session from Willie. Eeeeeew!

And a broken Krusty doll with his eye hanging out.

“I can never have too many Krusty dolls...” whispered Bart making sure he wasn’t heard on the phone.

“Hehehe... dweeb...” Jimbo mocked him for having Krusty dolls still.

A get out of free jail certificate was being sold too, and a Mayor for a day sash.

“Aaaaand that concludes tonight’s auction.” said Skinner putting a sold tag on a basket of Edna’s dry badly cooked muffins... “with a school record of sixteen thousand dollars!”

Everyone who came dressed in naval clothes like pirates and starfish etc cheered. “Hooray!”

“And we can thank our new windfall to our dear new friend on the phone Mrs-“ said Skinner but someone cane in the gym.

“Ello luv!” said Bart in a silly British accent.

Oscar glared and steam shot out of his ears.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this...” Skinner smelt a rat.

“I’m Edith Knickertwist!” said Bart in a silly British accent. “And I’ve had a proper hardy ha at your expense! Mwuhahahaha!” Bart laughed in his real voice.

“Oh why do I believe everything I hear in a British accent?” Skinner sighed.

“Hey!” Oscar yelled annoyed.

“This boy has thrust upon us the motley of Tomfoolery!” said Sideshow Mel.

“I wore this all night for nothing?!” said Edna looking at her costume. Ned frowned at her.

“Well ain’t that a fly (Pronounced Floy) in the ointment!” said Bart in his Edith Knickertwist voice chuckling.

Suddenly Oscar ran up to him and strangled him.

“I’ll teach you to mock my country and it’s amusing mannerisms!” Oscar snarled as he strangled Bart.

Bart gasped and wheezed begging Skinner to pull Oscar off of him.

...

Everyone went home disappointed and annoyed.

“Mr Simpson! I know you’re not our wealthiest of parents but surely you’ll honour your son’s enormous debt?!” Skinner asked.

Homer smiled. “Why of course Skinner. Even though I have no legal obligation to do so, it’s the right thing to do!” Homer took out from his imaginary wallet some imaginary money. “Here’s one thousand dollars, two thousand dollars... three thousand dollars...”

Skinner sighed at Homer mocking him.

“Oh I need more cash! Better go to the invisible ATM!” said Homer continuing to mock Skinner. “What?! Two dollar charge for using a nine network bank?! Oooooooh!” Homer sighed.

Skinner sighed too.

Oscar went on stage after releasing Bart and took the microphone. “Howdy folks! I’m a big fat dumb American! Just like you lot! I voted for a dangerous warmonger for our president! I’m a right Wally!”

Everyone jeered and booed.

“Alright! Alright! You made your point!” Bart yelled annoyed at Oscar.

Suddenly an old British upperclass Lady tottered in clicking her high heels as she walked.

“Good evening! I’m Edith Knickertwist! I apologise for my tardiness! My car broke down!” said the real Edith Knickertwist.

Everyone looked at her annoyed.

“Why is everyone staring?!” Edith asked.

...

“Skinneeeeeer!” Chalmers yelled the next morning in the staff room.

“Yes sir?” Skinner stammered.

“Just checking you were listening Seymour.” said Super Intendant Chalmers.

“Oh.” said Skinner.

“I was very please with your work last night Seymour!” said Super Intendant Chalmers.

“You were?!” Skinner asked.

“Nope. Fooled again.” said Chalmers. Skinner sighed. “I’d say you were as dumb as a post, but at,ease you know how to put a sign on a post that says “Fresh strawberries. One mile!” Chalmers rudely insulted Skinner. “Last night was a complete and utter failure! You sold nothing at auction, and once again, little Bart Simpson has run rings around you with his childish pranks!”

But Chalmers wasn’t finished with his tirade.

“You are a nitwit in an ill fitting suit!”

“I’ll have you know I’m lop shouldered!” Skinner replied.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” said Chalmers.

“I said I’m lol shouldered!” Skinner yelled. “And I’ve been that way since I was hung by my armpits in a North Vietnamese prison!”

“I I I’m sorry! I I I di-didn’t know that!” stammered Chalmers.

“Oh the list of things you don’t know sir could fill a week’s worth of morning announcements! With enough left over for a send home flyer!” Skinner ranted.

“There’s no need for hyperbole Seymour!” Chalmers replied.

“I fought for my country and nearly died in Nam! What have you done?!” Skinner yelled.

“I grow flowers...” said Chalmers.

“If you think it’s so easy to handle Bart Simpson, why don’t you teach him yourself?!” Skinner ranted.

All the teachers cheered.

“You tell him Seymour!” said Mr Largo.

“As some guy said to some dude with a beard, Death to tyrants!” said a teacher in a purple Hawaiian shirt.

“You mean Booth and Lincoln?” Miss Hoover asked.

“I’m not the history teacher!” said the teacher in a purple Hawaiian shirt. “Anymore...”

Willie was also impressed with Skinner.

“Wow Skinner! So ye do have some stones in your leaf bag!” said Willie.

“Yes! In fact I’ll call our carpet cleaning service and tell them our halls do not count as rooms!” said Skinner ringing someone. “Hello? Is André there? Oh yes I’ll hold!” said Skinner confidently.

Plot 2[]

In Skinner’s office Chalmers paced up and down humiliated by Skinner’s tongue lashing. He ought to fire him there and then for speaking to him like that but instead he decided to call his bluff.

“Very well Seymour.” said Chalmers leaning on Skinner’s desk in a menacing manner. “I’ll be Bart’s personal teacher! And by God I’ll teach that boy something!”

“Very well sir! Shall we make that a bet?” said Skinner proposing a wager.

“Yeah sure... just haul the little brat out of class...”

Bart was in class making fart noises with his armpits when there was a message over the speakers.

“Bart Simpson. You have been transferred from fourth grade to private tuition with Super Intendant Chalmers. You will report to my office every morning from now on.” said Skinner.

“Ha!” Mrs Krabappel laughed.

Bart gulped.

...

Super Intendant Chalmers was in the men’s toilets of the faculty washing his face and preparing himself. “Sure I can super Intend! I super intend like the wind! But teach?” He asked. “It been too long... and we all remember that day Gary...”

In a flashback a young Chalmers as a teacher arrived in a library.

“So you must be the so called breakfast club...” said Chalmers.

“Wrong room. We’re the fight club!” said a student.

The students beat up their teacher Mr Chalmers and dance on him as he lied on the table as the song Don’t you, forget about me plays.

“Don’t you”

“Forget about me.”

“Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t”

“Don’t you...”

All the while the students dance on him. Including a goth girl.

In the present.

“Thank god they never went on to do anything else...” said Chalmers.

...

Bart Simpson was sat sulking in a library when Chalmers arrived with books and stuff to teach him.

“So, Simpson. You’ll be studying with me now.” said Chalmers as he sat down next to Bart.

“Same garbage, different dumpster...” said Bart rudely.

“He’s not full of garbage, a sleeping hobo or clownjas!” said Oscar picking out books to read.

Bart winced at Oscar’s silliness.

“Um yes...” Chalmers sighed. “We’ll start with American history.” Chalmers put down a history book in front of Bart. Then he opened up a folded up piece of card with the pictures of the presidents insider. “Now, I’m sure you know who these gentlemen are...”

“One dollar guy.” Bart pointed to George Washington. “Five dollar guy.” Bart pointed to Abraham Lincoln. “Giant stone face number three.” He pointed to Teddy Roosevelt. “Sesame Street Guy.” He pointed out President Grover Cleveland. “Sex Guy.” He pointed out Bill Clinton. “Will Ferrell...” he called George Bush Jr Will Ferrell. “Will Ferrell’s dad, aka President Grumpypants who spanked me...” he pointed out George Bush Sr. “And.... black guy...” he said pointing to Barack Obama.

Chalmers sighed at his smart Aleck attitude.

Then he saw Teddy Roosevelt and had an idea how to get through to Bart.

“Bart, what if I told you there was a president who was an actual cowboy...” said Chalmers.

“I’d act like I’m interested, but deep down inside me I’d actually be bored...” said Bart.

“Well that’s as good a place to start as any.” said Chalmers.

Bart was given books on Theodore Roosevelt, including his book Theodore Rex. Which I’m sure Oscar would imagine is about Theodore from Alvin and the chipmunks as a dinosaur.

Bart was also on a Teddy Roosevelt website with earphones in listening to a speech by Teddy Roosevelt as he clicked on articles. Like the time Roosevelt was a boxer etc.

Chalmers then checked on Bart to see if he learned anything.


“Well Bart, did you learn anything today?” Chalmers asked.

“Yeah... This Roosevelt guy was sort of interesting! Did you know he was a colonel in the army?!” said Bart. And Bart was being sincere. He ends up a right geek throughout this episode just so Matt can throw Chalmers a bone and he can say “I told you so” to Skinner.

“You don’t say...” said Chalmers smiling. Happy to see Bart pay attention for once.

“And one time, during a speech, he was shot by a saloon keeper! But Teddy finished his speech before heading to the hospital!” said Bart.

There was a very surreal dream scene.

In a cowboy town of saloons and Indians everything was in old grey film.

“Aha! I am mad at you for some reason!” said Moe’s ancestor and he shot Teddy in the chest.

Teddy removed the bullet and threw it into Moe’s Great grandfather or something. Moe’s ancestor died and instantly decomposed to a skeleton.

Teddy Roosevelt ripped off his skull and showed it to the townspeople. They instantly bowed before him in total respect and obedience. Then he bit and ate some of Moe’s skull.

“Teddy! Teddy! Teddy! Teddy!” The townsfolk cheered.

Um... okay...

...

Bart was reading with Chalmers.

“I’ve never said this before but, I’d like to learn more.” said Bart. Geek! “Wow! Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards than most people do in their whole lives!” Omg!

Chalmers looked at his watch. It was closing time at the library.

“You know, I hate to say this Bart, but the library is about to close.” said Chalmers.

“Really?” Bart was disappointed. “But I wanna learn more about trust busting!” Bart was doing karate kicks. “Take that standard oil! Hiyaaaa!”

Chalmers reassured Bart and calmed him down.

“Tomorrow son, tomorrow...“ said Chalmers.

“Well I learned a lot today.” said Bart. “Now, to go home and let TV rot it all away...”

“Uh uh uh.” Chalmers interjected. By the way Transcriptsforevercommunism phonetically writes out this as Eh eh eh! Geez his not Anne from Little Britain. Is he?

“Eh eh Eh!” Anne squawked and threw books everywhere.

Bart winced.

“Not so fast Bart. Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books, but he also believed you could also learn from the great out doors! Nature and all that!”

“Wow! And I only thought teachers went outside to smoke and cry...” said Bart.

“Yes...” Chalmers sighed.

...

The next one to one lesson Chalmers took Bart out to the wilderness on horseback. But the wilderness and greenery was a national park.

“Son have you ever seen a horse your father wasn’t betting on?” Chalmers asked riding on a horse.

“Well... I was a jockey once... no wait Dad betted on Duncan too.... Nope!” said Bart. It’s continuity! Deal with it!

“Come with me.” said Chalmers. They rode off somewhere and no there was no broke back Mountain weirdness! He’s a grown man and Bart is a little boy. Don’t be disgusting...

They stopped to over look the greenery. Chalmers laughed heartily and his horse whinnied.

“So, Bart. What have you learned so far?” Chalmers asked Bart.

“Well when horses poop, they don’t stop. They just keep walking.” said Bart. Eeeeeew!

“Um yes... But here’s a fun fact Bart. All around us is a national park. Created by Teddy Roosevelt.” said Chalmers

“Woooooow!” said Bart.

Chalmers nodded hoping Bart was learning.

“Wow! And I thought God made this!” said Bart. “Sir you have enlightened me.”

“Thanks but that’s not what I-“ Chalmers explained.

“Yes it is! You have filled my head with horse poop and atheism!” said Bart.

“Let’s stop talking...” said Chalmers.

...

At home in the lounge Bart was skipping with a jump rope and quoting Teddy Roosevelt.

“A man who is good enough to shed his blood for his country, is good enough to be given a square deal!”

Lisa came in wondering what he was doing.

“Just quoting our 26th president Lisa. You could use some T.R in your life!” said Bart sparring.

“Please... I went through my T.R phase in first grade... Now I realise the greatest Roosevelt was Franklin.” said Lisa.

“Balderdash!” exclaimed BarT. “Teddy Roosevelt protected America’s wildlife!”

“Yeah, so he could shoot it all himself!” Lisa retorted. “Franklin D Roosevelt lead this country through the depression and World War II!”

“Oh yeah?! Bart yelled.

“Face on a dime!” Lisa yelled.

“Face on Rushmore!” Bart yelled.

“Franklin was the first President to fly in a plane!” Lisa yelled.

“Teddy was a professional boxer! And his name is actually Theodore Rex! Which is awesome!” said Bart.

“Well! Oh god! Thank you Bart! These are the intellectual debates and political sparring matches I’ve craved from you! Instead of your juvenile insults and ridiculous come backs!” Lisa was strangely pleased to have an intelligent argument instead of Bart calling her names and singing stupid songs about her. “I love you!” She hugged him.

“Eeeeeew! Sister cooties!” Bart groaned in disgust.

“Bah! I hated the Roosie-velds and all them family dynasties!” said Grampa hobbling in and sitting on the couch. “From the Kennedy’s, the Bush’s, John Voightband Angelina Jolie, Mayor Daley and his smart ass son the Daily Show!” I’m sure the later half of that diatribe was gibberish...

“That’s a lot of pent up anger, Grampa.” said Lisa.

“Well, I like Stephen Colbert. But only because I don’t get the joke!” said Grampa.

Lisa and Bart rolled their eyes at Grampa’s eccentricity.

...

Bart was on one of the benches in the playground dressed as Teddy Roosevelt reading about Teddy Roosevelt liberating Cuba.

“And on July the 1st, 1898, Colonel Theodore Roosevelt and his band of rough riders saddled up to San Juan Hill and liberated Cuba!”

“Cuba Si! Castro no!” Nelson cheered.

“I love Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy.” said Milhouse.

“I love Roosevelt because he said bully!” said Jimbo.

“That dude really knew how to rock some jodhpurs!” said Dolph.

Oscar arrived. “Hey dudes, how’s it- Oh god! Bart is dressed as Robin Williams! Or a dweeb. Or Robin Williams dressed as a dweeb.”

“Oz, I’m dressed as Theodore Roosevelt. Our 26th President...” said Bart.

“You’re still hooked on Roosevelt?? Oh god! What has Chalmers done to you?!” Oscar screamed. “And why are you bullies not whaling on Bart?”

“Oz, I’m convincing them to sit in on one of Chalmers’s outside learning lessons...” said Bart.

“Oh my god! What have you done?!” Oscar cried. “If you turn the bullies into dorks who will give us wedgies and steal our lunch money?! You’ve destroyed the natural order!!!”

Bart sighed. “Ignore him guys...”

...

Bart and the bullies went to Chalmers’s house. He was more than happy to teach them.

His lesson today was talking while the kids had buzz colas and he drank whiskey.

“Wow... teachers drinking in class....” said Jimbo.

“Yes...” said Chalmers drinking some whiskey.


“I must say boys, I am more than happy to have you sit in on our experiment in manly education!” said Chalmers. Mmmmm! Manly... “The thing is school has failed you kids.”

“School failed me? Does that mean school has to go to summer Jimbo?“ asked Jimbo.

“See kids, that is the canary in a dying coal mine empire...” said Chalmers.

“You’re in my coal mine now, bitches!” boasted Jimbo.

“Boys are falling behind in every subject because it’s all geared towards girls and feelings!” said Chalmers. It’s Girls just wanna have Sums part 2! “And celebrating differences!”

“But I liked reading It’s Cool to Cry!” Milhouse whined.

“Well it ain’t cool to cry!” said Chalmers.

Milhouse sobbed.

“Boys need to explore! Build things! Smash them apart! Then build them up again!” Chalmers ranted. “Our first lesson begins, this Saturday. With an overnight trip to Springfield Forest!”

Plot 3[]

In the Springfield forest.

“Legend has it that Teddy Roosevelt visited this forest and lost a pair of his trademark spectacles.” said Chalmers reading a map placed on a flat surface so the boys could read too. “This weekend, we’re going in search of those spectacles.”

The boys cheer.

“That’s all well and good, but I need to know. What are spectacles?” Jimbo asked a stupid question.

“Glasses.” Chalmers sighed.

They were then walking by a river.

“One time I found a washing machine over there that still had clothes in it!” said Dolph.

“Woooooow!” said all the boys.

“This place is as beautiful as the side of a can of Coors!” said Nelson. “The kind my dad used to leave in the bathtub...”

“There are no bad fathers in the wilderness son.” said Chalmers comforting him.

In the background a papa bear roared and picked up his cub to bite his head off. But Mama bear slapped him. Papa Bear groaned and put their baby back down. The baby bear looked concerned by his father wanting to eat him.

“So... does your dad always try to eat you Teddy?” Oscar asked his living teddy bear Teddy as they followed Bart and the rest of the class.

“All the time...” Teddy sighed.

Eventually Chalmers and the boys set up camp at night.

Bart saw this as a test of if Chalmers really was a better teacher than the teachers at school only interested in their wages.

Chalmers was not only a great teacher but a great camp leader. He came packed with the appropriate camp supplies ie sausages, s’mores etc. And allowed chatter and “off” time to rest their brains from learning.

Also I find it stupid that Skinner already learned to teach this way in How the Test was won, and Chalmers was the stubborn learning stays in the classroom one...

Bart and the boys ate by the campfire and had S’mores and sung campfire songs like I’ve been working on the rail road! All the live long day!

Then it got late and they went to sleep.

The Bart got up early to find Chalmers up early and Irish-ing up his coffee with booze from a canteen.

Bart decided to have a cartoon of milk and Irish-ed it up with a can of buzz cola. And they talked about something. Looks up the script... ah yeah he talks about his late wife Rosemary. Awwwww!

“You know Bart, Mornings are what I miss most about my Rosemary.”

Bart looked confused.

“Rosemary was my late wife.” Chalmers explained.

“Ooooh! I didn’t know that...” said Bart. Pouring cola into his milk.

“Yes... well now you do.” said Chalmers. “I missed her most of all in the mornings... she sure looked good in a pair of pyjamas...” Chalmers chuckled.

“Um okay.....” said Bart.

“Hey dinguses! Dinguses?!” Nelson called.

Everyone got up and found him dangling via branch he was holding onto.

“I found them! I found Roosevelt’s spectacles!” Nelson was holding spectacles.

“Hohoho! Thank you child! Now I can see Al! Oh captain my captain! Jumanjiiiii!” said Robin Williams as Theodore Roosevelt.

Bart and his friends minus Nelson rolled their eyes.

...

Then Chalmers spent the morning after everyone got dressed, fishing.

“Stupid fish! Don’t you want to become my dinneeeer?!” Chalmers said dinner like he said skinneeeeer!

“Hey Gary, whatcha doing?” Bart asked.

“Bart as your teacher and your superintendent, I expect you to address me properly as Mr Chalmers or Sir. Not as Gary. Only grownups call me that.” said Chalmers. “Now if you must know, I am fishing but the fish ain’t biting this morning...”

“Well um...” Bart reads the script. “What would Teddy Roosevelt do?”

Chalmers sighed.

“Bart I don’t even feel like Teddy Roosevelt right now... I don’t even feel like Kermit Roosevelt...” said Chalmers.

Oscar suddenly pulled down the fourth wall and changed the scene.

“It ain’t easy being green, America.” said Kermit the frog as president of America. People cheered.

“No!” Bart yelled annoyed at Oscar’s stupidity.

Later the boys were riding on horses. Bart was speaking in Portuguese to Milhouse asking if he got enough hours sleep last night.

“Does it look like I did...” said Milhouse in Portuguese.

“Ay carumba...” Bart sighed in his Portuguese voice.

“Por que vocé soa corno Hermes?!” Oscar asked in Portuguese. “Why do you sound like Hermes Conrad?!”

Bart sighed.

Then Chalmers got an angry call from his boss the school high commissioner from when Lisa cheated on a test and was too honest to keep her mouth shut.

“Hey Chalmers, I thought we all agreed no technology...” said Bart.

“In this case, I’m making an exception boys.” said Chalmers. “Yes? Oh really! I’m very sorry sir! Oh dear...” Chalmers put down his phone and sighed disappointed. “Boys I’ve just been fired.”

“Fired?! Why?” Bart asked.

“Because apparently I didn’t authorise this field trip properly and now all your parents are worried sick about you and think I’ve kidnapped you.” said Chalmers.

Bart was sad and crestfallen.

”I’m just peeved he’s Chalmers’ boss now after the education board fired me for picking on Skinner and letting you pull sickies all the time.” Oscar said to Bart. “Plus they said I couldn’t hold a job on the education committee because I am a minor...”

...

On the bright side though he was being rewarded for all his good work and vast improvement in his grades. Especially in history.

“Bart because of all your hard work I’m going to treat you!” said Marge when he got home.

“I don’t really feel like celebrating...” Bart sighed.

“I’m sorry dear that your new teacher who has finally got through to you has lost his job... but I’ve got just the thing to cheer you up.” said Marge.

“Oh really?” Bart asked.

“Yes!” said Marge.

“A missile launching motorcycle with added land mines?!” Bart asked excited.

“No! You’re favourite party food, root beer and chocolate brownies with ice cream!” said Marge thinking his suggestion of missile firing motorcycles was silly.

“Oh yeah...” said Bart.

...

Bart was in his treehouse with his newest group of friends, Nelson, Jimbo, Dolph and Milhouse. Bart was wearing Teddy Roosevelt’s cowboy hat and spectacles while they all drank root beer.

Homer came up to bother them, but not kiss Milhouse again.

“Boys I have to ask you this. Are you cyber bullying?” Homer asked.

“No, how can we? We’re all in the same room speaking to each other directly and we don’t have computers!” said Bart.

“Oh okay. Marge! I’m parenting!” said Homer.

“Oh good! Come down and get some more ice cream and chocolate brownie!” said Marge.

Homer left to leave the boys in piece.

In the kitchen Hugo was eating ice cream and chocolate brownie. However when he took a mouthful of ice cream He scrunched up his face in pain and groaned because of brain freeze.

“Brain freeze eh?” Oscar asked.

Hugo nodded.

“Who let the mutant eat some of the ice cream and chocolate brownies I paid for?!” Homer yelled trying to take Hugo’s food. Oscar smacked Homer’s hand hard with a wooden ruler. “Yeeeeeeow!”

“Stop picking on Hugo!” Oscar yelled.

Homer sighed annoyed and went off somewhere.

Oscar read the categories Alvin put this episode in on the wiki. “Eric episodes?” I don’t recall mentioning Eric at any point?!” said Oscar confused.

“Goo! (Blurble)!” Baby Eric babbled.

“Yes Eric... Goo...” said Oscar.

...

Bart was transferred back to Mrs Krabappel. Which he disliked. They were studying geology of different rocks by reading books.

“Mrs K, Super Intendant Chalmers would have taken us outside to see the different kinds of rocks.” said Bart.

“You can look at the pictures of page thirty five.” said Mrs Krabappel.

“My text book doesn’t have a page thirty five...” said Bart as his text book was missing pages.

“Then lie on your desk and go to sleep Bart...” Mrs Krabappel sighed frustrated with him telling her how to teach and the school cutting corners with cheep, substandard materials like second hand books with missing pages.

“But it’s sticky from where the last kid who used it spilt his soda...” said Bart.

In the back row next to Nelson, a never before seen fourth grader boy was drinking a bottle of Buzz Cola and looking around shifty as everyone stared at him.

“Bart... lay down...” said Mrs Krabappel.

Bart sighed and did so.

After class Bart had to drag his desk out with him because he was stuck to it. Eventually a few yards down the road Martin and Milhouse pulled him free.

“Thanks guys.” said Bart glad to be free of his sticky desk.

“No problem my fellow desk jockey!” said Martin being weird. “I see you have sampled the delights of learning outdoors!”

“Yes, from Chalmers.” said Bart.

“You’re Very fortunate Bart! It is not my place to question Mrs Krabappel’s authority, but by gum! Her teaching methods are limited...” said Martin.

“Martin the school has substandard equipment and books with missing pages because Skinrash is a tight fisted old Scrooge who won’t buy adequate materials!” said Bart. “And the school is needlessly restricted to a syllabus by pen pushing councillors! I do not do sitting at a desk reading or listening I learn by doing and I do so I learn!” Bart ranted.

“Very apt Bart! Almost as poetic as Rene Descartes I think therefore I am!” said Martin.

Bart rolled his eyes. “Martin the old me would have clocked you for making such intellectual and bookish comments. But I guess Oscar’s right. I’m one of your lot now with my Teddy Roosevelt thing.

“Ah... we all have our favourite historical greats... just like the popular guys and girls have their rockstars, we have our Mozart, Einstein and our big historical figures...” Martin sighed with joy.

“Yeah... anyway we all need to band together to get Chalmers back! Or failing that. Force practical and other alternative learning methods on the school! So everyone can choose to learn how they prefer to learn!” said Bart.

At home Lisa was reluctant to agree with Bart.

“Bart, I’m sorry but that just isn’t feasible! The school can’t possibly hold one to one teaching sessions to suit everyone’s learning methods! That’s why we have homework and revision!” Lisa explained. “Only expensive schools and academies can afford to do that!”

“Lis, don’t you feel tired of Miss Hoover’s same old one size fits all teaching? Haven’t you ever had a great substitute?” Bart asked.

“Yes! Mr Bergstrom! In season two?! He was my world! I adored him!” Lisa ranted shaking Bart. “Bart you’re right and I can see what you’re getting at! Mr Bergstrom was a brilliant teacher! And so was Chalmers to you! But try to see this practically!”

“I am! The school has no excuse to teach so substandardly and with such archaic methods! No excuse! Chalmers gave that school a lesson in how to teach! Now it’s time I become the teacher!” said Bart storming off.

Lisa sighed. He was right. But the school simply doesn’t have the resources to act like an academy or gifted school.

Bart went to see Chalmers who was fishing.

“Once again Bart I’ll tell you what I told you and boys before. That school has failed you!” said Chalmers.

“I know Sir! But what can I do? I can’t just stop attending! My parents won’t let me! In fact they don’t let me do much.” Bart replied.

“Bart if there’s one thing you’re good at, aside from pranks and causing trouble, it’s leading a good mob and getting your point across. You got Skinner and Edna their jobs back.” said Chalmers.

“After I lost them by tattling on them...” said Bart.

“And your rebellion against the curfew was very clever! How did you come up with such ideas!” said Chalmers fishing.

“Well...” said Bart smirking.

Plot 4[]

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