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Bart Has Two Mommies Bart gets kidnapped by a gorilla mother in the zoo on a school trip and raised as one of her own. Marge looks after Rod and Todd, cue Darth Vader Marge. “I’m a Star Wars!” yes Marge, yes you are...

Plot[]

The couch gag is a laser grid protecting the couch. The Simpsons sneak past and sit down. But Homer’s head falls off.

At the school. It is another fourth grade lesson with Edna making an announcement. “Attention class! Avery Texan! Stop trying to make out with Richard! He’s not interested...” said Krabappel.

Avery Texan, Rich Texan’s gay cowboy grandson went “Ooooooh you’re the only one for me gorgeous!” In a cartoonishly gay accent with a Texan undertone.

Bart rolled his eyes.

“I have some good news and some bad news class.” said Krabappel. The class listened to see what the news was. “The good news is that tomorrow we’re going on a field trip to the zoo!”

“Yaaaaaaaaay!” Everyone cheered.

“The bad news is that right now it is time to start your history lesson... so open your text books to page 23.” said Krabappel.

The kids except for Martin groaned and reluctantly got out their text books and flicked through them to the correct page.

Bart got a paper cut. “Ow! Sonnuva!” He yelled.

“Bart, no cursing. You’ll have to wait until after class to see the nurse, young man.” said Krabappel. She read from the teaching guide about Abraham Lincoln as that was who they were learning about today.

"Mrs. K, you are not being reasonable." Hugo told her off. "What if my twin brother gets a serious infection from the cut?"

“Who can tell me about something to do with Abraham Lincoln?” said Krabappel. Only Martin put up his hand. “Anyone apart from Martin... Oscar what can you tell me about Abraham Lincoln?”

“He was a wicked man that married a voodoo woman who practiced witchcraft in the White House!” said Oscar being stupid. Everyone except Bart and Martin bursted out laughing. Martin because he’s a teachers pet and was annoyed by Oscar’s troublesome behavior. And Bart because he simply didn’t find what Oscar said was funny.

“Guys that’s not even funny or witty. It’s just stupid...” said Bart.

“Well I like to see you blurt out a funny answer then Bart!” said Nelson. “You haven’t done one since two weeks ago!”

“Oscar you can stay behind after class for detention! since you think the classroom is a circus!” said Mrs krabappel.

“What gave you that impression, Mrs K?” said Oscar, dressed as a clown and wearing a big red shiny clown nose while riding a unicycle on his desk.

Everyone laughed at his antics.

“Oz, don’t get yourself in even more trouble...” Bart sighed.

...

After class Oscar spent recess in detention writing lines on the blackboard. He had to write “I will not turn the classroom into a circus.” He was still dressed as a clown.

“Oz, you’re doing it wrong... use the five chalk thing...” said Bart.

“Oh thanks Bart!” said Oscar taking the five chalk thing and using it to do five lines at once.

“And take off that ridiculous costume...” said Bart.

...

Oscar’s behavior did not improve. In math, in another lesson, probably not on the same day. Bart had got detention for doing something he shouldn’t do.

“Bart! What have I told you about shoving things in students’ ears? You can report to detention after school to do a hundred lines.” Krabappel scolded him.

“Should make him do a hundred lines of coke, like my uncle Buck does every Friday night!” said Oscar.

We cut to Uncle Buck Tamaki’s apartment. He is in a wife beater vest showing off his hairy chest. He has a five o clock shadow and is cutting up lines of coke. Oscar has got up to get a glass of water so he’s in the main room of the apartment in his pyjamas. “Uncle Buck... what are you doing with that flour...?” He asked.

Everyone in class laughed.

“Right that’s it, Oscar! You can join Bart in detention since you like making wise cracks!” Mrs krabappel told him off.

Bart sighed.

...

We fade to Bart writing something on the blackboard in detention. Oscar got bored and scribbled on the blackboard. Bart grimaced at him doing that while Hugo came to visit them.

“Oz, do you want to to spend detention sitting in the corner with a dunces cap on your head?” Bart asked.

“They still do that?” Oscar asked.

“Yeah. Skin rash would rather spend the school funds on dunce caps then fix the faulty water fountain on the ground floor of the east wing...” said Bart.


A corridor in the school was flooded by a leaky water fountain.

...

Marge was not happy with their behavior, especially Oscar’s.

“Oscar can’t you just try go a whole day without getting into trouble?” Marge sighed.

“Why should I? Uncle Buck doesn’t mind...” said Oscar.

Oscar’s Uncle chuckled. “Oooooh! Boys will boys...” he scruffled Oscar’s hair boisterously.

Marge frowned at him.

“Ahem. I have to go home and smoke some weed now because you’ve made me unhappy...” said Buck going home.

“I hope you two behave for the church fundraiser festival this Saturday...” Marge sighed.

......

The following Saturday the Simpsons went to a church fundraiser fair. There was someone playing whack a mole as the Simpsons walked past. Bart was eating a candy apple/toffee apple and Lisa had Candy floss/Cotton Candy. Hugo had a caramel cod... (Treehouse of Horror VIII reference...)

“Why does God always need money?” Bart asked.

“It’s a lot of things son. God has to pay all the elves in his workshop!” said Homer.

“Dad, that’s Santa clause...” said Lisa.

“And he has all the planets he needs to support! Did you see the ring he gave Saturn?! (Homer whistles a long wolf whistle in awe at Saturn’s rings)”

Meanwhile Lenny and Carl were playing a religious themed ring toss game with Saints that they had to toss halos on to. However their heads were too big so the game was impossible to win.

“Why do saints have such big heads?” Lenny asked Carl.

“I don’t know, this whole thing is a sham...” said Carl.

“The game?” Lenny asked.

“Religion in general! I only go to church because Homer is there. And Homer is only there because his wife drags him there...” said Carl.

“The games rigged too fellas.” said Cooter the carnie because he was running the ring toss game. Spud was was polishing the Saints’ heads and generally looking like an evil Jedi Quiffy.

Lisa found a funhouse mirror that was labelled, “See what you look like in Hell!”

Lisa stood in front of it. Flames appeared behind her reflection. Then her reflection got wrinkles and grew older.

Lisa screamed in horror and ran away.

Mr Burns approached the mirror curious. The flames appeared and tried to show him what he looked like in Hell. However instead of him getting something frightening it showed him as a king with a crown, ermine cape and a royal staff.

“Excellent!” said Mr Burns pleased.

“Here’s your candy apple sir.” said Smithers arriving with a candy apple for him.

“Ah! Excellent Smithers.” said Mr Burns taking the Candy apple and eating it. However in the nightmarish Hell mirror King Burns of Hell was eating Smithers’s head.

“Sir, you have an odd imagination...” said Smithers in the mirror with a candy apple for a head.

Reverend Lovejoy was announcing that the money raised was going towards an extravagant and tall steeple to show off to the nearby snooty episcopal church across the street.

“Reverend why do we need this?!” Marge sighed.

“To overcompensate for my small manhood...” said Reverend Lovejoy.

Oscar laughed. “Called it!”

Marge sighed.

...

There was then a rubber ducky race to win a female computer.

“The you got mail voice is Susan Sarandon!” said Marge.

“You’ve got Femail.” said Susan Sarandon.

“Oooooooh! So empowering!” said Marge.

Bill Gates face palmed and shook his head.

However the rubber ducky race could not start because Ernie from Sesame Street took all the rubber duckies!

He sung the rubber ducky song while squeaking a rubber ducky and running off.

“Come back here with those rubber duckies!” Reverend Lovejoy yelled.

Bart sweat dropped.

While Reverend Lovejoy tried to get the rubber ducks back Bart and Oscar went about the carnival.

“Let’s get some ice cream and see if Nelson is in the hospital tent again with brain freeze.” said Oscar.

“Oz, you are so greedy!” Bart commented. “You already had a hotdog and now your licking a cannabis leaf shaped lollipop!”

“Who’s to say it’s not cannabis flavored...” said Oscar smugly.

Bart gasped horrified.

“I’m just kidding! As if Uncle Buck is irresponsible enough to let me try pot food... it’s lime flavored!” said Oscar.

“Oh...” Bart sighed with relief. “Okay we’ll go and get some ice cream...”

As Oscar predicted Nelson was in the tent groaning from brain freeze.

Dr Hibbert used a food syringe to give him hot fudge to soften the painful effects of brain freeze.

“Oh great... Dad’s got a tower of ice cream scoops again...” said Bart face palming as Homer stumbles about carrying an ice cream cone with many scoops of different flavours stacked on top of each other.

“True but so does Trunks.” said Oscar.

Trunks from Dragon Ball Z was holding a ridiculously tall ice cream with many different flavour scoops stacked on top of each other.

“Vegeta why did you let him get that...” Bulma sighed.

“Because one day he will be prince of Earth and all the surviving Saiyans!” said Vegeta fiercely. “My boy gets what he wants!” He ruffles Trunks’s purple hair boisterously.

...

Eventually Reverend Lovejoy got the rubber duckies back and the race could begin.

Bernice, Luanne and Helen were sniping at Marge asking “As if you could ever win that computer! Keep dreaming Marge!”

“Hmmmmmm! Why are we even friends...” said Marge.

However Homer was planning to cheat at the race with two ducks. He would release one later in the race to cheat like the tortoise in the tortoise and the hair. (At least one version he’s a cheater.)

Homer laughed evilly as he painted angry eyebrows on his ducky.

Of course Homer loses because God likes Ned.

“And the winner is Ned Flanders!” said Reverend Lovejoy.

“Oh! My favourite kind of surprise! Mild!” said Ned.

“Ooooooooh! Now I know how Dick Dastardly feels...” said Homer.

Hugo wearing a helmet and goggles snickered like Muttley.

“There, there... at least you tried your best...” Marge comforted Homer.

“Awwww! That’s what you said to Bart when he choked at that football game! And we both know he sucked!” said Homer.

“Mmmmmmhmmmm....” Marge agreed with Homer. “Let’s go on the swan boat ride.”

They didn’t realize Bart heard everything. He stood there and began to cry.

“(Bart sniffling and tearing up)”

“Awwwww! Poor Bart!” Oscar cooed because he thought Bart was cute when he cried.

a few moments later he was comforting Bart.

“If it makes you feel better, Trunks is pranking his mom and dad with a new scary type of a Jack in the box.” said Oscar.

Trunks operates a Jack in the box by turning the handle. Suddenly a giant purple ugly clown monster with big red lips, two square teeth and a slobbering wet blue tongue bursted out of the box laughing. Bulma screamed and Vegeta yelled and staggered in shock of the monster.

Trunks laughed hysterically.

“Why you little!” Vegeta throttled him.

Bart chuckled. “Okay, that’s a little funny...”

Plot 2[]

On the way home Ned didn’t want his new computer because of people googling themselves. He gave it to Marge.

“Why that’s very generous Ned! But there must be something we can do in return!” said Marge.

“Well the southpaw convention in town and as the owner of a leftorium, I just have to be there!” said Ned. “Can you Nanny goat Rod and Todd?”

“I’d love to babysit!” said Marge, delightfully.

“Why, thank you Marge!” said Ned.

Homer groaned at Marge. They drove home.

Later one evening Marge came round to babysit Rod and Todd with Maggie.

“I’m so very happy you could come over Marge! Our last babysitter let the boys watch Comedy Central! Now Rod makes me check the closet at night for Rita Rudner!”

“Rita Rudner...” Marge made a note.

“And here is a list of numbers to the police, the fire department, the ambulance, Reverend Lovejoy and a list of people I know who have the same blood type as Rod and Todd!” said Ned handing over a list.

“Oooooh! Carl! How interesting!” said Marge.

Eventually Ned left.

“So boys, you’ll be chillin with me tonight! Wanna play a game?” Marge asked.

“Let’s play sitting still!” said Rod.

“With our arms crossed!” said Todd.

Marge rolled her eyes. “Uhhhhh... no. I’ll find an activity for you...”

They did arts and crafts. They were making paper plate masks.

“Look kids! I’m a Star Wars!” said Marge wearing a Darth Vader mask.

Bart came in the dining room for some reason and saw Marge as Darth Vader. “Nyaaaaaagh! Mom Vader!” He screamed.

“It is useless to resist my son. Join me and I’ll complete your training. Together we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy!” said Mom Vader breathing heavily.

“I’ll never join you!” said Bart Skywalker.

“This is indeed a disturbing universe!” said Darth Vader voiced Maggie.

Rod and Todd gave each other confused looks and did the “He/She’s crazy!” Finger gesture at their foreheads.

...

Rod and Todd then wanted to watch cartoons and eat candy sandwiches.

“Uh I don’t think your dad allows you to eat candy sandwiches... but I don’t suppose a few cartoons won’t hurt.” said Marge.

“Christian cartoons!” said Todd.

“Oh that’s so sweet and wholesome! Much nicer than those horrible violent Itchy and Mitchy cartoons Bart watches...” said Marge.

Bart rolled his eyes.

Rod and Todd sat down with Marge and watched Veggitales.

Marge giggled. “Oh how clever! Teaching children wholesome religious values and to eat their vegetables!”

“Mrs Simpson, you should never eat someone who can talk!” said Rod.

Marge sighed and rolled her eyes.

...

Soon it was bed time. Rod and Todd were praying. Marge was touched and on the verge of tears because they were praying for God to give their mommy back.

“And please tell Mrs Simpson that it’s rude to eavesdrop on our prayers!” said Rod.

“Amen Rod!” said Bart in his room at the Simpsons house.

Marge was embarrassed.

“But we forgive her...” said Rod.

“Ooooooh!” Marge cooed.

.....

Meanwhile Homer was walking down the upstairs halls when lightning struck outside for some reason.

“Bart! What have your mother and I told you about praying for God to kill Sideshow Bob!” Homer yelled.

Sideshow Bob was being electrocuted by lightning somewhere. And making funny noises as he was zapped.

Marge was sitting in the living room with Maggie when Ned arrived.

“So are Rod and Todd in the land of nod?” Ned asked.

“Yes, and we had a wonderful time! Your kids are fantastic!” said Marge.

“Well circle cut my bacon! You can always see the dynamic duo whenever you want Marge!” said Ned.

“I will! And that’ll give Homer more time to look after the kids!” said Marge.

We cut the Simpsons house.

Homer is sleeping on the couch.

Bart and Lisa are playing broom jousting on their bikes indoors.

They crashed into each other. Bart went flying and knocked the TV out the window. Lisa went across the shelves and the piano smashing ornaments. Then landed on her butt and a knight’s helmet landed on her head and a moose’s head.

“Coooool! I can have all sorts of fun with that moose head!” said Oscar.

Homer stirred in his sleep. “A room made of ham? Sure you know I’ll eat that.” said Homer in his sleep.

Bart and Lisa rolled their eyes.

Hugo came in. “Daaaaad! I’m starving! We need dinner!”

“Bart order a takeaway...” said Homer in his sleep.

The following night Marge babysat Rod and Todd again. After putting them to bed and making sure they were fast asleep she went downstairs and watched Bumblebee Man. He was having a serious interview with a Spanish film director when random food mascots disrupt the interview.

“Ay Ay Ay! Me gusta!” said Bumblebee Man.

The door rang. Marge answered it to find Homer there roleplaying as a jock from school sneaking over to see his girlfriend babysitting. How romantic...

“Oh Homer Simpson! Hehehehe!” Marge giggled as Homer came in.

“May I play the loveable nerd pouring his heart out to you?” said Artie Ziff carrying flowers.

“No! We’re just pretending! We’re still actually Husband and Wife!” said Homer slamming the door on him. They then made out in Ned’s living room.

“Oh! Homie!” Marge giggled. “What if Rod and Todd wake up?”

“They’re good kids. They know to bedtime is go to sleep time!” said Homer. “Not like our kids...”

Meanwhile at the Simpsons.

“Bart this isn’t funny! We need a babysitter!” Lisa struggled as Bart held the phone out of her reach.

“No we don’t. Dad’s terribly misguided role play won’t last an hour.” said Barr.

Meanwhile at Ned’s. Ned pulled up.

“Ah! Old man Flanders!” Homer screamed and snuck out through the front window.

“Hi diddly Ho! Neighbourino!” said Ned greeting him.

“Shut up Flanders...” said Homer going home.

...

Marge went out to look after Rod and Todd for a day activity. Bart, Lisa, Maggie and Hugo also wanted to go on an activity, but Homer was watching Football all day.

“Dad! We’re bored! We wanna go out...” said Bart.

“Then go out. I’m not stopping you!” said Homer.

“I meant on a family day out! Like the zoo!” said Bart.

“There’s this ethical one that is home to retired animal celebrities!” said Lisa. “Mr and Mrs Bananas went there when they were getting too old for TV and stayed until they died!” said Lisa.

“Hmmmmm... do you think any of the gremlins from the Gremlins movie are there?” Homer asked being stupid.

“Errrrrr... sure!” said Lisa.

“Oh! I’m gonna get them so good!” said Homer running off to take the kids to the zoo for retired animal stars. "But we are still leaving Hugo at home in the attic with plenty of fish heads."

“No!” said Oscar pointing a rocket launcher at him.

Homer screamed.

..........

The kids, including Hugo, went to the animal retirement home. There was a sign saying “See our cemetery of Lassies!”

Oscar cried when he saw it.

“Oh cram it, you big baby!” Homer groaned as they took him inside.

Lisa was dismayed to find all the animals kept in cages.

“This place is even more depressing then I thought it would be!” Lisa was crestfallen at the sight of animals being kept in cages.

“No it’s not! It’s funny!” said Homer being cruel. “Look, it’s like animal prison!”

They went past a cage holding Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch.

“Let me out! I keep telling you people! I’m not a real bear! That’s just my character name!” said Huggy Bear.

Oscar used a lock pick to let him out.

“Thanks, kid. The nerve of some people...” he went off somewhere.

“Well that’s what you get when you name yourself after a species of animal...” said Oscar.

...

Homer and the kids were looking at a depressed chimpanzee called Toot-Toot

“She looks like she’s crying!” said Lisa as the chimp was indeed crying.

“Oh she’s just lonely because all her children are in showbiz now!” said the zookeeper.

“Well at least she looks cute still, not like that gross snotty pig that’s supposed to be Babe...” said Oscar. In a cage labelled “Babe.” Was a fat ugly pig with a snotty runny nose and flies buzzing round it.

Bart then did something stupid. He tried offering Toot-Toot his ice cream. Sticking his arm in her cage.

"Uh, Bart. Get your arm out of there. Don't feed the animals." Oscar warned him.

“Yeah bro! Do you wanna end up like that faceless lady on the news that got her face ripped off by chimps!” said Hugo.

“Hugo! Don’t remind me of that story!” Lisa whined.

Of course, Toot-Toot scooted over to him and grabbed him and pulled him into her cage and took him up into a tree. Bart yelled all along the way.

“Oh no! Bart’s been ape-napped!” said Homer.

“No Dad! It’s still kidnapped! The prefix applies to the victim!” said Lisa.

“So an adult can be Adultnapped?” Homer asked.

“I guess...” said Lisa.

“Ah! Help! She’s grooming me! She’s grooming me!” Bart whined as Toot-Too picked fleas out of his hair and ate them.

“Good! Because you haven’t had a bath in three days!” said Homer.

Bart rolled his eyes. “People don’t need to know that Dad...”

“You have to do something!” Homer begged the zoo keeper.

“We dare not interfere! An ape that size could tear your son’s head right off!” said the zoo keeper.

Homer screamed. “But the rest of him would be alright though?”

“Uh... sure!” said the zoo keeper. “But let’s take your mind off of it and look at Flipper! Oh...” Flipper was dead! Nooooooo! “Well most of the animals are old when they get here...”

“Nooooooooooooo! Dolpha!!” Oscar cried.

“Oh geez....!” Homer sighed. Oscar was crying over the dead dolphin.

Meanwhile Marge’s play day with Rod and Todd and Ned at the fun play centre was a disaster. Rod decided to climb a climbing wall.

“Aaaaaaagh!” Ned screamed when he saw Rod climbing a climbing wall. “Rod get down from there! You’ll fall!”

“I will?” Rod asked. Suddenly he lost his grip on the rocks you hold onto and fell! However he was in a safety harness so he was caught by it but swung into the wall. The impact knocked out one of his teeth.

“Ah! He lost a tooth!” Ned gasped.

“Ned I’m so sorry!” Manage apologised.

“Marge... I don’t want you watching my boys anymore!” said Ned angry as he took Rod and Todd home.

Plot 3[]

That evening.

The Simpsons had dinner without Bart. Homer and Oscar planned to disguise his absence with Hugo in his place. Unfortunately Hugo wasn’t doing a very good job pretending to be Bart.

“Where’s Bart? I haven’t seen him since I came in?” Marge asked.

“Are you blind?! He’s sitting right here!” said Homer pointing to Hugo who was eating messily and rudely.

“Homer, that’s Hugo...” Marge said annoyed. “Now where is Bart?"

“A chimpanzee abducter him because she is missing her children...” said Hugo.

Marge gasped horrified.

“Oh thanks boy, she didn’t need to know that!” said Homer slapping Hugo round the back of the head.

“Ow!” Hugo whined.

“Homer! Were you not gonna tell me our son had gone missing?!” Marge scolded Homer.

“Yeeesh! Marge we would have got him back before you even knew he was gone!” Homer whined.

“I say we Harambe that boy taking chimp!” said Oscar.

“No! That’s cruel! Toot-Toot doesn’t mean Bart any harm! She just might panic if startled!” said Lisa.

“She shouldn’t kidnap kids then...” said Oscar.

...

At the zoo at night, Bart was sat on Toot-Toot's lap.

“Look it was nice talking to you lady, but I miss indoor plumbing...” said Bart. He got up and walked off but the chimp grabbed him by his shorts and yanked him back.

“Hyyyyyerk! Gee! You’re more clingy than that perverted cartoon green bear cub that keeps bothering me!” said Bart as she sat him back on her lap.

The curious bear cub from Happy Little Elves was looking in Toot-Toot's cage grinning at Bart.

Toot-Toot tried feeding Bart a banana.

“Lady I’ve never eaten fresh fruit for my whole life! I’m not about to start now...” said Bart.

Toot-Toot rolled her eyes and gave him an Oreo.

“Now that’s more like it!” Bart ate the Oreo.

Bart’s family arrived.

“Psst! Bart! When the chimp is fast asleep, I’ll sneak you out in this trash bag! Then I’ll come back and feed her this peach laced with antifreeze!” said Homer.

“No Dad!” Lisa whined.

“We’re not harming Toot-Toot!” said Oscar. “If it comes to it, we’ll tranquilizer her.”

“Ooooooh!” Homer groaned and ate the poisoned peach. “Uh oh!”

Toot-Toot carried Bart off and put him on a tire swing and pushed him.

“Wheeeeeee! Wheeeee!” Bart giggled, having fun.

However Toot-Toot was still playing by sunrise.

“Wheeeeeee....” Bart said tired. “Wheeeee....”

“We really need to get a Dad to a hospital!” said Lisa. “He ate an entire peach laced with antifreeze!”

Monkey from Monkey Hero tried one of Homer’s antifreeze peaches. He gagged and was immediately struck down by antifreeze poisoning.

Oscar sighed.

...

Bart was soon on the news. Embarrassingly Kent had him front row and centre being hugged by Toot-Toot. Bart struggled and squirmed.

“Did Bart reference how this is exactly like the millions of times the curious bear cub kept kidnapping him when he was a baby?” said Marge.

“Yes, mom...” said Bart as Toot-Toot hugged him.

“Eat tranquilizer dart!” Homer tried to fire a dart from a blowpipe at Toot-Toot, but he accidentally inhaled it.

“Homer was later revived by a police stun gun!” said Kent.

Wiggum and his men were zapping Homer with tasers to wake him.

...

That afternoon, Bart really needed the bathroom.

“Toot-Toot, I really need the bathroom!” said Bart clutching his groin and doing the pee pee dance.

Toot-Toot grabbed him and took him off to her tree and laid him down.

“Toot-Toot! What the hell are you doing?” Bart asked.

Toot-Toot pulled out a diaper.

“Ungh! Hell, no! You are not making me wear a diaper!” Bart yelled as she pulled down his shorts and pants.

She frowned and roughly put him across her lap and spanked him.

“Ow! Agh! Yeeeowch!” Bart cried in pain.

Marge gasped horrified. Hugo winced.

“Okay! I’ll wear the diaper!” Bart cried tearfully.

Toot-Toot laid him on his back and put the diaper on him and taped it up.

“I can’t take it anymore!” Marge yelled.

“Mom please! For Bart’s safety, we have to be patient!” said Lisa.

...

Bart eventually relieved himself by going in the diaper. He grimaced as he peed his diaper while climbing the tree. Then he went to learn how to use tools.

“Well he seems to be fulfilling an emotional need for Toot-Toot.” said Lisa as Toot-Toot was tickling Bart’s feet.

“Look Toot-Toot! I’m using tools!” Bart accidentally crushed his finger with a rock. “Yeeeeeow!”

Toot-Toot gasped and screeched. She scooted over to Bart and kissed his finger to make it all better. Aaaaaw!

“Aaaaaaawwwwwww!” Oscar cooed.

“Oh no! She’s kissing his booboos!” Marge gasped. “That’s it! I’m going in there!”

“No Marge! You’ll end up like that faceless lady on the news!” said Oscar.

“Oscar! Don’t! That lady still gives me nightmares!” said Lisa.

“She’s got him using a pacifier?!” said Marge.

Bart just wearing a diaper was crawling around on the tree sucking a blue pacifier.

“Aaaaaaaawwwwww!” Lisa and Oscar cooed.

...

Marge was crying that she’d never see Bart again.

“It won’t last... if it does we can always call Bart Bartzan...

“I’m already thinking about that Oz! I’m Bartzan! Lord of the apes!” said Bart.

“More like diaper boy of the jungle...” said Oscar.

Bart blushed. “Toot-Toot, please let me have my clothes back and let me go!” Bart whined.

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