Bart Gets an F Bart is falling behind in class when he flunks a book report so Mrs Krabappel warns him a test is coming up. If he fails he’ll have to repeat fourth grade.
The chalkboard gag is “I will not encourage others to fly.”
We pan out to the roof of the school. Oscar is up there with home made wings strapped to his arms. “Wheeeeee! I can fly! Aaaaaaaarghhhh!” He says leaping off of the school but plunges to his doom with a painful cruch.
The couch gag is the Simpsons sit on the couch but it breaks through the floor from their weight. There is a big hole in the floor where the couch once was.
In Mrs Krabappel’s class Martin is up front doing a book report on Hemingway. He is dressed as an old sea dog fishing as he reads about his book report.
“Aye aye, Captain Birdseye!” Bart taunted him for coming dressed for the part.
“Bart, no more interruptions during Martin’s book report!” Mrs Krabappel told Bart off.
“Never have I seen a more noble thing, than you, brother.” said Martin reading a Hemingway book in character.
“Do the voices!” Nelson heckled.
Martin sighed and grimaced as he tried his best Sea Dog accent. “Arrrr! I do not care who kills who, laddie! To catch a fish. To kill a bull. To make love to a woman. To live!” Martin finished to only light applause from Mrs Krabappel and Wendell. “Thank you.”
“Oh absolutely brilliant!” said Mrs Krabappel. “I truly believed you were Hemingway! Bravo Martin! Bravo!”
“Call me Papa.” said Martin as he returned to his seat.
“Call me Ishmael!” said Oscar.
“Oscar, that’s Moby Dick by Herman Melville...” Mrs Krabappel sighed.
“Some ketchup for your buns, Papa?” Bart asked as he put a ketchup sachet on Martin’s seat as he sat down.
“Uh? Ohhhhh!” Martin groaned as he squished the ketchup sachet.
“We have time for one more book report. Bart Simpson?” Mrs Krabappel called up Bart.
Bart gulped. He had not done his book report. He would have to blag his way through it.
“Bart is your book report on Treasure Island ready?” Mrs Krabappel asked.
“Is it ready?! Everyone prepared to be amazed!” said Bart.
“The name of the book I am about to read is called Treasure Island...” said Bart.
A story began of cartoon pirates, and swashbuckling.
“Awwwww... I wanted to go to Pleasure Island!” Oscar as a young pirate groaned.
“Oscar, stop interrupting!” Mrs Krabappel told Oscar off.
“It’s about these pirates.” said Bart narrating. “With eyepatches and shiny gold teeth,” Bart describes the pirates vaguely. “And wooden peg legs and Yohoho! And a bottle of rum!”
"Bart, did you read the book or not?" Ms. K asked, suspiciously. She was now suspecting that her student was not being truthful. "I am certain that your sister Lisa has read the book, too as well as the other assigned books!"
“Arrrrrr me hearties! Shiver me timbers!” Oscar was suddenly dressed as a pirate and standing on his desk.
“Oscar be quiet and sit down!! You could have done treasure island but you chose Animal farm!” Mrs K told Oscar off again.
Bart winced at Oscar’s childish enthusiasm for pirates.
Bart continues his vague description of the pirates. “And green birds, I think parrots... on their shoulders.”
“Arrrrr! Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!” Oscar shouted out while squawking like a parrot.
“Oscar!! This is your last warning!” Mrs Krabappel said sharply.
“Did I mention it was written by Robert Louis Stevenson?” said Bart. “And published by McGraw Hill.”
“Hopefully Feathers McGraw from Wallace and Gromit or QuickDraw McGraw!” said Oscar shouting out again.
“Right that’s it! Oscar you can stay behind after school since you like providing running commentary!” Mrs Krabappel yelled.
“So in conclusion on a scale of 0 to 10. Ten being the highest. I give this book a nine!” said Bart. “Any further questions? No? Then I’ll sit down.” said Bart returning to his seat.
Mrs Krabappel smelt a rat. She knew he didn’t do the book report. “Bart did you read the book...?”
“Mrs Krabappel! I’ve never been so insulted! I thought this was a book report! Not a witch hunt!” said Bart.
“Then perhaps you can tell us the name of the pirate...”
Bart thought of the pirate’s name. Blackbeard... Captain Nemo, Captain Hook.... Captain Barbosa...Birdseye.... Bluebeard... Bluebeard...” but suddenly he heard Oscar’s voice from last night when he rudely told him who the pirate was.
“It’s Long John Silver! Doofus!”
“Long John Silver.” said Bart.
“D’oh!” Mrs K was annoyed he got that right. “Lucky guess!”
Bart smugly grinned as the bell rang.
Bart came to pick up Oscar as he was doing lines as punishment for shouting out rudely during his book report.
“Bart I need to speak with you before you wander off.” said Mrs Krabappel.
Bart waited for her to say what she needed to say.
“Bart I know you didn’t even read that book...” said Mrs Krabappel.
“How did you guess?” Bart asked.
“Let’s just say women’s intuition... plus your reputation...” said Mrs K. “Bart you do know your grades have been slipping lately...”
“Yes Ma’am.” said Bart.
“And that there is a test coming up!” said Mrs Krabappel.
“And that if you do not pass you will be repeating fourth grade!”
“Blah, blah, blah, blah...” was all Bart heard from Mrs Krabappel because he zoned out.
“Bart! You haven’t been paying the slightest bit of attention to me have you?!” Mrs Krabappel yelled.
“Of course I have Mrs Krabappel!” said Bart.
“Well what did I say then?!” Mrs Krabappel challenged him.
“Straighten up and fly right?” Bart replied.
“Oooooh! Lucky guess!” Mrs Krabappel was annoyed he got that right. Again.
That evening in the arcade. Bart was at Noisland Arcade playing Evil Grandma and the ungrateful Grandson.
“Pow! Take that Grandma! Oh no! Out of ammo! I better hide in the closet!” said Bart. On screen of the arcade game there were some dancing green sprites with monster faces in the closet. They sapped the character’s health. “Oh no! Deadly mothballs!” said Bart. The Grandma then caught the main character and kissed him. Bart got a game over.
“You have reached level two of Evil Grandma and the Ungrateful Grandson! Try again! If you dare!”
“Well it’s getting close to dinner and I’m out of quarters. I better head home and get to work on revising for that test...” said Bart.
At home. Bart came home to pandamonium because an ugly version of himself with scruffy hair and rotten filthy clothes but no shoes on was running about chases by Homer.
“Oooooooh! Marge! It got out again!!” Homer yelled chasing the strange boy. Bart winced wondering who the boy was.
“I know I let him out you big bully! He needs fresh air!” Oscar protested.
Bart decided not to ask questions and went upstairs to reluctantly study. He didn’t want to but if he failed this test he would be held back.
Up in his room.
“I know I hate studying. But I have to. Better hit the books.” said Bart.
Oscar was slamming a history book on his desk repeatedly.
“That was not what I meant, Oz! Now I have to study! Be quiet!”
Bart didn’t even get a page read when his mother called him down for dinner.
“Soups on! Hurry! You don’t want it to get that skin!”
“Ooooooh! I hate that icky skin!” Homer whined as he abandoned chasing Hugo and went downstairs for soup.
“Okay dinner’s finished. Now I really have to get down to studying.” said Bart.
Hugo blew into his soup. Making bubbles.
“Homer why is the thing still out?” Marge asked.
“Ooooh!” Homer groaned. “You’re the one who gave him a bowl of soup!”
Homer felt like a beer. Besides the bottle he had was now empty. “Marge I fancy another beer.”
“Now hold on dear. Lisa has something very important to announce!” said Marge.
“Forget it Mom... he’s not interested...” said Lisa as Homer was trying to drag Hugo away from the table as it wasn’t season eight yet.
“Of course I am sweetie! I would just like a beer while I’m listening!” said Homer.
“Homer!” Marge was annoyed by his la k of interest in Lisa. “Go on dear.” Marge encouraged Lisa.
“Well I got an A on my vocabulary test!” said Lisa.
“Oooooh! That’s wonderful dear!” said Homer showing mock interest. “I’ll just put this report on the fridge where everyone can see it!” said Homer sticking Lisa’s report to the fridge with the magnet letters. And covering Bart’s crib notes.
“Hey! My notes!” Bart groaned.
Bart decided he must study. But Homer stopped him as it was gorilla movie week.
“Dad I have to.”
“Now come on boy! It’s gorilla movie week!” said Homer wanting time have fun.
“Yes I know but I should really...” said Bart.
“Gorilla the conqueror! The granddaddy of them all?” said Homer.
“Can’t forger King Kong! Or Planet of the Apes! You damn dirty apes!” said Oscar.
“Oz language. And sorry Dad but I must study for this test tomorrow or I’ll fail fourth grade and will have to repeat it. You do realize I’ve been behind lately. That’s usually what makes you mad at me...” Bart explained.
“Yeah but for some odd reason I’m being irresponsible and fun this episode.” said Homer.
“Eh... whatever.” said Bart going upstairs to study.
Bart was writing down information for his test. “In September 15 1620 separatists from the Church of England some of whom lived in Holland sailed the Atlantic. Their destination...“ Bart read to himself.
“The fourth moon of Endor!” Oscar yelled.
“Oz! You’re distracting me! Now look what you made me write!” said Bart annoyed.
“Sorry but I’d rather flunk a boring exam of our boring history! Why didn’t our ancestors just go to the fourth moon of Endor! That would be cool!”
“Living with Ewoks would be cool... right...” Bart sighed.
“Anyway... the boat they sailed on was the...”
“Spirit of St Louis.” said Oscar.
“Where’d they land?” Bart asked.
“Skull Island!” said Oscar being stupid.
“Why’d they leave England?” Bart asked.
“Giant rats!” said Oscar.
“Now that’s quiet enough Oscar! Stop filling Bart’s head with nonsense and leave him to study!” Marge shooed Oscar away so Bart could study.
“Coool! Giant rats eh?” Bart wondered.
Eventually it got late and Bart fell asleep on his books.
“Marge look! The poor tyke is all tuckered out.” said Homer.
“Ooooh he tries so hard... why does our little guy fail...” said Marge.
At school the next day.
“Mrs Krabappel! Seymour! I have just invigilated last semesters exam results! You have erroneously down marked fifty percent of fourth grades results!” An exam invigilator scolded the teachers. “Including the results of one Bart Simpson!”
“Now for crying out loud! You can’t seriously be telling me New England was over ran and enslaved by a race of super intelligent alligator men in 1940!” Skinner yelled.
“I can! And I do! Because my grampa told me so!” said the invigilator.
Bart came to class one morning only to find news that Mrs K had been suspended because of under marking students and that a kind but easy to crack male teacher was holding the test.
“Here is the test Mrs Krabappel left me to assign you. Remember it is very important you do well! As whether you pass fourth grade relies on it.” said the substitute teacher.
Bart pulled a sickie as usual. “Uuuuuuuuh!” He groaned in pain.
“What is it son?” The teacher gave him the time of day to make up phony symptoms.
“I don’t feel so good sir!” said Bart groaning.
The teacher fell for it hook, line and sinker.
“Stomach hurting! Stabbing pains!”
“Oh dear! I’ve heard of this! Is there pain in your arm?” The teacher asked.
“Yes!” said Bart. “Both!”
“Oh my. And how is your vision?”
“Who said that?! I can’t see anything!” Bart cried.
The teacher fell for his sickie and sent him straight home.
Marge sighed as she knew Bart was faking it because he was asking for his third bowl of cappuccino fudge ice cream while lying on the couch watching cartoons.
The cartoon was a dark action adventure cartoon. The kind Oscar liked with gooey fetish and quicksand scenes. Bart sweated and felt his bladder open when he watched a character sink in quicksand. Man... no wonder why Oscar gets aroused. This is a kink to some people I suppose...
Marge explained the teacher diagnosed him with a phony Latin sounding illness. “Amoria phlebitis.”
“My body was riddled with phlebitis!” said Richard Nixon’s head in a jar as he wobbled his jowls. “Mblblblblblbl!”
Marge sighed at Nixon making a cameo.
Once Bart could return to class he was partnered up with Martin by the teacher. Who decided he just needed a brainy friend to guide him. Bart rolled his eyes mortified he was being made to hang out with Martin.
“Can’t I sit next to Milhouse?” Bart asked.
“No I think that Milhouse is a bad influence on you son. Now settle down and read page 128 to page 132.” said the teacher.
“Anyway yesterday Richard laughed milk through his nose.” said Milhouse to Wendell.
“Milhouse Van Houton this no time for idle gossip! Be quiet!” said the teacher.
Then there was a parents evening one evening.
“I just don’t get it. All the other children are improving! Why not our Bart?” Marge asked.
“Mrs Simpson have you seen these test results?! A 12 in state capitals?” Mrs Krabappel explained.
“Let’s cut to the chase people. I’m as dumb as a post...” Bart said tearfully as laid on his arms sobbing.
“No you’re not sweetie! You’re just a late bloomer!”
“Yeah sure he is Mrs Simpson...” said Mrs K unsympathetic.
“I’ve heard enough! Skinner, all staff will be put on a mandatory semester of learning how to teach! And my staff will substitute your classes and drill out any low self esteem or disappointment in oneself that’s been drilled into these poor children!”
“Sir can’t you see it obvious that Bart Simpson just doesn’t want to learn!” Mrs K protested.
“It’s not true! She’s lying!” Bart sobbed fake tears now rather than real ones.
Mrs Krabappel and Skinner got annoyed with Bart’s lies and the interfering school councillors I randomly put in this episode.
“Look councillor. We do care for our students well being and we feel Bart would benefit from being held back.” said Skinner covering for himself. He knew Bart couldn’t care less about his education but had to play the councillors at their own game.
In the future.
“Today we are studying world literature. Bart Simpson what was the name of the pirate in Treasure Island?” the teacher asked.
“Lady, I have a peptic ulcer, my wife is bugging me about getting a new car and I need a root canal! Quit yakking about the pirate...” said Bart as a grownup.
“It’s Long John Silver, Dad...” said Bart Jr.
“I heard that Bart Jr! You can both stay behind after school!” said the teacher.
“Thanks a lot kid...” Bart said, annoyed to his son as he slapped him across his head.
In the present.
“No! Please do hold me back! I’ll work harder! I promise!” Bart cried.
Marge comforted him as he sobbed.
“Bart this exam is important. If you don’t pass, you will be repeating fourth grade.” said Skinner.
“Seymour, he’s acting....” Mrs Krabappel sighed.
Bart sobbed and cried not wanting to be held back.
Bart was playing catch when the ball ended up near Martin.
“Hey Poindexter! Pass the ball!” Bart yelled.
“Oh I’m sorry you meant me. You know my name is Martin and I’ll only answer to Martin.” said Martin dryly.
Bart sighed. “Anyway teach says we have to hang out from now on outside of class too, and our moms agree...”
“I agree also! I think I can do you some good! Help you turn over a new leaf!” said a Martin in a girly voice.
“And maybe I can get you to not to be such a loser!” said Bart.
There was a montage.
“Bart, where’s your desk?” Martin was in Bart’s messy room.
“Um somewhere buried under all that stuff.” Bart pointed to a pile of books, toys etc.
“Oh, no no no! This will not do at all! You need space to study! A cluttered room is a cluttered mind!” said Martin. “We are going to do some spring cleaning!”
Bart groaned, annoyed.
Martin cleaned up, wearing an apron. “And here we put a fern. Your room needs greenery for tranquility!’
“I don’t want a stupid plant!” Bart snapped.
On the bus, Bart instructed Martin that only geeks sit at the front of the bus. From now on on the bus, in class and in church Martin was to sit at the back with Bart.
Then Martin gave Bart a big geeky book to read at recess. But Bart was secretly reading a comic inside it. He gave Martin a radioactive man comic to read to ward off bullies. But Martin was secretly reading a book inside the comic.
Then Bart taught Martin to pull faces in the mirror. He was surprised how good Martin was at gurning and grimacing. Then he remembered that time he went to a gifted school and Martin was outside after the maths test pulling faces at him.
Martin made a face at Bart.
“I’m sure your mom warned you if you keep doing that you’re face will get stuck like that when the wind changes...” said Bart.
Then they had just apparently pushed a boy into the girls toilets.
“The shrieks! The thrill! The knowing it wasn’t me being humiliated for once! Oh thank you for this excitement Bart!” said Martin.
Then Bart went round Martin’s.
“Bart, shall I play you the lute?” Martin had a lute.
“Um no.” said Bart, shaking his head.
Martin decided to sing and play the lute anyway.
“Come hoooooome! My bonny warrior! For now nets are full of fish...” Martin was singing gayly. Outside, Bart is running off home. XD!
Bart was behind on his revision or didn’t do any. He really didn’t want to go in and do the test and risk failing and being held back so he wished for it to snow.
It did somehow. And deep enough the school has to shut as only Martin crawled in like an exhausted mountain climber only to be told by Skinner and a Chalmers the school would not be opening today.
Bart was very happy it was a snow day as everyone got dressed and went out to play in the snow.
However Lisa found the unseasonable snow suspiciously convenient. “Bart.”
“Eh?” Bart asked going out to play.
“I heard you wishing last night as we had shooting stars. You wished for this snow day...” said Lisa.
“So?” Bart asked. “It’s just a lucky coincidence...”
“Bart I think you should use this time to study instead of squandering it... you can’t put that test off forever...” said Lisa.
“Or can I...” said Bart.
At school the next day.
“Children, due to some government meddling... and drinking... this semester’s fourth year progress test has been cancelled, permanently. You all automatically progress as usual, there will be no students repeating this semester...” Skinner sighed.
Everyone cheered. Martin wanted to do the exam for some reason.
Oscar was getting his lunch with Milhouse and a black rapper kid.
“Yo, what do you think Lunch lady Doris’s hotpot is REALLY made of?” The rapper kid wearing sunglasses asked doing hip hop hand gestures.
“I don’t wanna know...” Oscar said feeling queasy as he looked at his hotpot.
Bart laughed as he brought packed lunch today so he didn’t have to consider hotpot or mysterious green goop for lunch.
After school he was still striking up a weird friendship with Martin. In the kitchen Martin spoke about birds all day that even Marge got bored and wanted him to leave.
“Martin droning on about birds” the Simpsons sit bored.
The attic monster however was fascinated in Martin’s monologue about birds alas he listened from the air vents.
Then Bart failed a test and cried because he really studied for it.
“(Sobbing) But I really studied the battle of Gettysburg! The signing of the Declaration of Independence! Wuaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Bart cried as upsetting music played.
Oscar seeing Bart cry cried as well. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!!!” His evil side awoken as he cried fountains of tears. Red lightning sparked from Oscar as he cried.
“Okay Bart! You pass! You get a C you pass!” Edna passed him so he’d stop crying and Oscar wouldn’t have a tantrum.
Bart then had a problem with Woodshop class. Like Johnny Test he kept taking short cuts or mad science to get out of hard work. Class were building benches.
Johnny Test bribed his sisters to make with mad science a bench with gadgets. They backfired and annoyed the teacher.
”Test!” The gruff Male teacher yelled.
”Oh yippee! A test!” said Martin. Nelson beats him up.
Stan, Kyle etc were screwing around. Stop screwing around in wood shop! And Kenny was killed by a drill and fell in a bin of sharp rusty nails. The depressed teacher saw his dead wife in live action visions.
Bart sat bored and half heartedly sawed his wood that was yet to be a bench.
”Now come on Bart! You love Wood Shop!” The teacher sighed.
”I hate school, sir. And this is still school...” Bart sighed.
The teacher sighed. “Edna warned me about you...” he muttered leaving Bart to doze off and not do his work.
Then God made it snow again.
”Bart use this time to study!” Lisa nagged.
”No! Snow day!” Bart ran out in his winter clothes to play. For some odd reason the snow day made Mr Burns nice and his heart grew three times that day...
”Let’s make a snowman children! Callooh Callay!” Mr Burns cheered.
”Mmmmmmm! The Grinch...” Homer sighed.
Anyway eventually the school was allowed to reassume tests. Bart too lazy to work or study fobbed off of the twins who gave him stupid answers like the British fled to America because of giant rats and they didn’t flee to America, they went to the fourth moon of Endor!
”No...” Bart groaned.
Oscar in class imagined the very first European immigrants to set foot in America setting foot upon the fourth moon of Endor. They arrived on the Forest moon of Endor and were surrounded by Ewoks. A race of alien living teddy bears!
“Awwwwwww!” thought the Europeans.
Peter and Judy Shepherd we’re giving silly answers on their tests. Judy was on a psychological question about human emotions. There was an illustration of a boy upset and injured after having fell off his bike. Judy was asked why he could have been upset.
”Because he is ugly...” put Judy. She was being disruptive today.
In Assembly Fourth grade were singing Glory Glory Hallelujah because American schools are extremely patriotic!
”Glory, Glory halleluhja
Glory, Glory halleluhja
Glory, Glory halleluhja...”
Bart ruined the lyrics being silly. “Teacher hits us with ruler! So I cracked her on the bean with a frozen Jimmy Dean! And she ain’t my teacher no moooooooore!” Bart sang. Mrs Krabappel yanked him off stage. “Hyeeeeerk!”
Oscar frowned and continued to disrupt morning singing of patriotic songs. He is in fourth grade for this episode for some reason. Probably to narrate the episode.
“Glory, Glory halleluhja
Glory, Glory halleluhja
Glory, Glory halleluhja!” Fourth grade tried to stay on task as Mr Largo waved his baton. They sang proudly of their country.
”Teacher hit me with a ruler...” Oscar sang. “So I met her at the door with a loaded 44. And she don’t teach me no mooooooore!”
Mrs Krabappel seethed as she dragged Oscar out of the chorus of fourth graders by his sweater.
In detention Oscar and Bart were still singing silly, violent lyrics to the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
“Glory, glory hallelujah, Teacher hit me with a ruler, See the pencil sticking through her, So I thrusted at thee, with a sharped HB! March on, students, march on.”
They laughed and chuckled.