Bart Gets an A as the title suggests. Bart gets an A in class on an astronomy test while trying to breed the class hamster with a lizard to create an unholy supercreature. Will he get a nice reward this time? Or will his mom and dad throw him a shabby party again?
The chalkboard gag is “I am not the sixth Beatle.”
The couch gag is the Simpsons riding skateboards onto the couch from a ramp leap. Homer falls on his butt and his skateboard knocks him on his head. Comic Book Guy then says “Worst Simpson’s video game ever!”
One evening the Simpsons are at the Singing Sirloin. Hopefully no ruined birthdays or bowling balls in the birthday cake.
“Smart ass narrator...” Homer growled.
The singing waiters arrived with a cake for Bart while singing “Happy A day to you! Happy A day to you! Happy A day Bartholomew Simpson! Happy A day to yooooouuu!”
They put a crown on Bart’s head while he looked smug.
“My son an honour Student! I’m so proud!” Marge cried happily. “I’m going to get a bumper sticker that will tell strangers that my son is a genius!”
“Now wait just a cotton picking minute!” said Lisa.
“I resent that remark!” said Cleatus. Why he is in a fancy restaurant I don’t know.
Lisa ignored him. “I’ve been getting A’s since Gymboree!”
“So? What do you want? A medal?” Homer asked.
“You gave Bart one!” said Lisa.
Homer was polishing Bart’s medal. “I love you!” said Homer.
“Look you always get As Sweetie, it’s mundane now! Can you imagine if we threw a party every time you got an A?” said Homer.
“A little encouragement never hurts Dad!” Lisa growled.
“Where as this is Bart’s first A!” said Homer.
“Actually my second. After I aced that geography test because Mrs Krabappel accidentally didn’t fold up the board. Then you all threw me a crummy Party.” said Bart.
“Well I’m sorry! We’ll try not to disappoint you this year sweetie.” said Marge.
“What did you get the A in?” Oscar asked.
“Astronomy.” said Bart.
“Wow! How did you do it?” Homer asked.
“I just buckled down and studied.” said Bart.
Homer bursted out laughing. Bart laughed too. As if he’d actually study...
“No really.” Homer asked.
“Well it all started one recess...” said Bart as a flashback started. “It was last week in Krabappel’s class. I was trying to breed the class hamster with Miss Frizzle’s lizard to create an unholy super creature!” Bart in the flashback was holding a hamster and a small lizard. He smooshed them together and rubbed them against each other to get them to have sex. They weren’t interested.
“Coooooool!” said Hugo.
“Quiet boy!” Homer said sharply.
“Well apart from my A in astronomy that I’m getting to, science isn’t my strong point Hugo. So you’d probably do a better job of breeding the hamster with a lizard.” said Bart.
Hugo laughed maniacally.
“Don’t encourage him! Tell the story Bart!” said Homer.
“Well I was in the middle of breeding the hamster to the lizard when I witnessed an even worse crime against nature!” said Bart. In the flashback Edna and Skinner came in in the middle of a passionate snog. They did not see Bart as they were too busy snogging.
“While it’s international head lice day and all the students are out getting their heads picked clean of lice we have this classroom to ourselves Edna...” said Skinner.
“Oooooooh Seymour! Don’t make me fill out a tardy slip!” said Krabappel.
“Let’s do it on Martin’s desk! It’s clean enough!” said Skinner swiping pens off of Martin’s desk where they promptly had sex.
“Eeeeeeew!” Bart groaned as he hid in the cupboard.
“I needed something to keep my mind off it.” said Bart. “Anything! And so for the first time in my life I turned to education!” There was a chart on the back of the cupboard with the planets of our solar system. “Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars!” Bart recited the planets to keep his mind off of the unholy crimes against nature and perversion being acted out in the classroom.
“Come on Edna! Don’t be Tardy!” said Skinner.
Bart shivered in disgust and focused on the planets. “Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars!”
The flashback ended.
So when I took the test, the answers were stuck in my brain!” said Bart. “It was like a whole different kind of cheating!”
“No it’s not!” said Lisa. “You were just revising!”
“Aaaaaagh!” Bart screamed.
“Well we couldn’t be prouder sweetie.” said Marge.
At school that morning before the test.
There was hamster lizard mutants in the hamster’s cage.
“Edna how could this abomination have happened?!” Skinner gasped.
“Meh... probably one of the kids playing an elaborate prank...” said Krabappel smoking.
Back at Bart’s night out at the Singing Sirloin.
The Simpsons made a toast to Bart for getting an A.
When a waiter with the credit card machine came over with bad news for Homer. “Sir your credit card was declined.” said the black waiter.
“Deadbeat! Deadbeat!” said the credit card machine.
“Well, try one of my other cards! Yaaaaa! Run kids! Run Marge!” Homer threw parking tickets at the man and ran off.
“They’re getting away! Stop them Mary Kay!” sung the singing waiters.
Mary Kay pulled a sign that was a hidden lever and a metal deadlock door shut its teeth tight over the exit doors.
“Oh great!” Homer whined. “So we won’t pay for your precious food! What are you gonna do about it!?”
The staff made the Simpsons dress up as a Mexican serenade playing music for people. The Simpsons looked extremely bored as they sang in Mexican outfits.
They were singing Ba la Bamba.
“No no no! While your praying is technically proficient it lacks passion!” said the Hispanic manager.
Oscar then walled them up inside a brick wall and then put “The rest of the world” on it.
“Nice going you racist jackass...” Bart groaned.
“Make America great again!” yelled Oscar.
Eventually Oscar’s wall was cleared away and the Simpsons finished their song.
“Can we go now?” Homer whined.
“No! Not until you have worked off your bill!” said the manager.
Eventually they could go home.
“I’ve never been so humiliated!” said Marge. “When did we become the bottom rung of society?”
“I think it was after that cold snap killed off all the hobos.” said Homer.
“Dad, what happened to the back seats?” Lisa asked.
“Oh I had to sell them for gas money...” said Homer. Bart, Lisa, Hugo and Oscar were standing on the bare frames of the car’s shell and under carriage.
The car suddenly ran out of gas and came to a halt.
“Which I spent on a novelty car horn! Oooooooh!” Homer whined as he head butted the car horn and it made the la cucaracha sound.
“Maybe we should take you to a financial planner...” said Marge.
“Financial panther aye...” said Homer thinking of something silly.
“Sir you are one dollar overdrawn!” said a posh moustache Guy.
“Get him Sheba!” Homer yelled and a panther lunged at the man and mauled him to death.
“Hehehe! Financial panther...” said Homer. “I’m on board!”
The next day they went to a Let’s get Fisical financial planning office.
Wiggum was explaining to his financial advisor that he hoped to retire with huge compensation from being shot on duty.
“We call it retirony!” said Wiggum in uniform.
“But what if you don’t get shot?” said the financial advisor.
Sarah Wiggum cried.
“Oh now look what you done!” said Wiggum comforting his wife. “It’s okay dear.”
Meanwhile Lindsey Naegle was advising Marge and Homer. She hissed at Marge and bares her highly manicured fingernails.
“Nyaaaaagh!” Marge screamed.
“Can’t you two learn to get along?!” Homer groaned.
“She started it!” Marge yelled.
“I don’t care who started it! Now make up! She’s a member of your dull book club anyway...” said Homer.
Lindsey Naegle settled down and worked at her computer to calculate their financial woes.
“It says here you have several mortgages, been bankrupt three times...” said Lindsey Naegle as a Homer nodded. “And you support your father.”
“Just say the word and I’ll cut him off!” said Homer.
“That won’t be necessary Mr Simpson.” said Lindsey Naegle.
“Oh please!” Homer whined.
“Homer!” Marge scolded Homer.
“Anyway this little animation shows your family’s financial health in the future if you don’t get yourself out of crippling debt!” said Lindsey turning her computer around.
The animation was the Simpsons growing more and more unhappy and twisted as they grew older and sickly.
“Marge you have terrible posture!” Homer gasped.
Bart saw Lisa in the animation grow her teeth crookedly like in Lisa needs braces. By the end of the animation she had a very long sharp tooth from her lower jaw erupting from her eye socket. Skewering her left eyeball.
“Cooooool! She’ll be a freak!” said Bart.
“Bart! That’s a terrible thing to say.” Marge told him off.
“Mr Simpson your debts will also stay with you long after you’re gone! Your grave will be left unattended and vandalised!” said Lindsey.
In the computer animation an elderly Nelson kicked Homer’s gravestone over and laughed. “Haw! Haw!” Before coughing and dying.
“So what should I do?” Homer asked.
“Unfortunately you’re considered too stupid financially to save money.” said Lindsey Naegle. “I have only one solution. You need more money.”
“Well how do I do that?” Homer asked.
“Mr Simpson I’m a financial advisor not a financial consultant. Now my bill please.” said Lindsey.
Homer wrote on a card and gave it to her.
“Mr Simpson I know you’re not deaf or mute... we just had a conversation for several hours...” said Lindsey.
Homer screamed and threw cards at her and ran away with Marge and the kids.
“I can’t believe Homer is in crippling debt again...” said Oscar.
“So does this mean I won’t get a party to celebrate getting an A?!” Bart asked.
“We will have to scrimp and save in all sorts of places sweetie.” said Marge.
“Why do I bother! Something always goes wrong...” Bart stormed off.
At the power plant.
“Sir I need to ask you a favour.” said Smithers to Mr Burns. Mr Burns pushed the button for the trap door but it doesn’t work.
“I’ve disabled the trapdoor sir.” said Smithers.
Mr Burns shows his frustration and calls for Crusher and Low blow.
“And I sent Crusher and Low Blow on annual leave.” said Smithers.
Mr Burns is even more frustrated. “Mayor West never has this much trouble!” He yelled.
In Mayor West’s office.
“Homer Simpson to see you sir.” said voice on the intercom. Mayor Adam West spun round in his chair. Homer came in.
“Are you here about who’s been stealing my office plant’s water?” Mayor West asked.
“Um no.” said Homer.
“Then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” said Mayor West. He pushed a butto. Under his desk and a trapdoor opened in the floor. Homer fell threw but got stuck half way.
“D’oh!” Homer groaned.
“Your wide behind won’t save you this time Simpson!” said Mayor West annoyed. He stomped on Homer until he was dislodged and fell to his doom.
“You’re a real jeeeerrrk!” Homer yelled as he fell.
“I love my job... just as much as I love taffy.” said Mayor West. “And I’m a man who loves his taffy...” he unwrapped a bar of taffy and took a bite. He moaned and went Mmmmmmm! Orgasmically for a very long time as he chewed it.
Back at Mr Burns’s office.
“So what is it Smithers?” said Mr Burns.
“I’m taking part in a musical I wrote about the Malibu Stacy doll and I need some time off.” said Smithers.
“A musical about a doll! Hohoho! How ridiculous! Next they’ll be doing musicals about the common cat! Or the king of Siam!” said Mr Burns.
“Actually they have already made those musicals sir. They were both very well loved and successful.” said Smithers.
“Well now I look ridiculous!” Mr Burns frowned.
“We’re already very successful sir. We’re booked into a small theatre in New Mexico!” said Smithers.
“There’s a New Mexico?!” Mr Burns gasped.
“Anyway I need some time off to complete my life long dream. I’ll only be away for a week.” said Smithers.
“Very well... I can amuse myself...” said Mr Burns leaning back in his chair.
Later he walks the corridors of the power plant. “With that ball and chain gone I can have some fun!” said Mr Burns. “Oh! A candy box!” He sees a vending machine. “Two pounds of good old fashioned fudge and some lemon balls please!” He said to the vending machine. It did nothing. “You’ve just made a powerful enemy...” Mr Burns threatened it.
Homer went to use the machine.
“Uh Mr Burns, you have to put money in it or it doesn’t work. Then sometimes your candy gets stuck.” said Homer. “Watch.” He put money in the machine and picked out one of the snacks on offer. However it got stuck. “You son of a! Give me my candy! Raaaaaagh!” Homer violently shook the machine until all the candy fell into the collecting area at the bottom. “And that’s how it works Mr Burns!” said Homer.
“Fascinating! However can I repay you um...” Mr Burns couldn’t remember his name.
“Well, I really need a raise...” said Homer.
“How much?” Mr Burns asked.
“Whopping?” Homer asked.
“Well you did help me use this candy dispenser so okay...” said Mr Burns giving him a pay rise.
“Woohoo!” Homer cheered.
Then at lunch Homer was talking with his friends and Uh drinking...
Mr Burns didn’t know what a sneeze guard was.
“What the?! There’s some sort of force field guarding the vegetables!” said Mr Burns.
“That’s a sneeze guard sir. Stops people sneezing on the vegetables.” said Homer. “What you do is duck under the guard, watch your head sir. And pick out the vegetables you want for lunch. Or just sneeze all over them if you want.” said Homer.
“My helpful chum? You really are a saint! And these vegetables are so healthy and green!” said Mr Burns holding some lettuce. It turned black and crumbled to dust in his hand. “I think you deserve a promotion! I’m making ou my personal Helper while Smithers is away!”
“Woohoo!” said Homer. “But it can’t be like last time sir where I couldn’t do anything right and you pushed me so far I snapped and punched you in your face.” said Homer.
“Oh I think you’ve done a capital job so far Pop N Freah!” said Mr Burns playing with Homer’s fat belly. “Now your first job as my assistant is to throw puddings at Lenny!”
“Lenny?! But he’s a war hero!” said Homer.
“Then decorate him!” said Mr Burns.
“But sir!” Homer protested.
“Fine! Don’t throw puddings at Lenny! See if I care!” Mr Burns sighed. There’s that but sir from Smithers coming out again....
At home to cheer Bart up Marge took him on a surprise trip to... Wally Weasels pizza parlour.
“Wally weasels pizza parlour! Thanks Mom!” Bart kissed his mom and went off to play on the machines.
Bart was playing an arcade machine while Oscar noted down ideas for pizza parlour arcades in episodes. (Places like Chuck-e cheese’s).
“Power cut and the animatronics turn into evil monsters in a cringeworthy survival game people will meme about in the 2010’s until the end of time itself and won’t shut up about it. Babies wandering off in a Chuck-e cheese’s, Rugrats have already done that. Oh! Remember that time in Chuck-e Cheese’s when that black kid ran absolutely wild...” said Oscar making notes.
“Yeah that was hilarious! Especially when he went on the Skee Ball and took people’s balls and put them in the 250 hole!” Bart giggled.
“Then he spat at someone who tried to stop him and Clyde’s Mom from Compton was being a black woman in hindsight and said if that was her kid spitting at people she’d slap the spit out of him!” said Oscar talking about a black friend.
“Yeah and then the little boy went in the basketball game and then sat in the penny rides!” said Bart laughing.
“That was hilarious!” Oscar was in hysterics.
Homer and Mr Burns pranked others.
“Mr Burns I can’t throw puddings at Lenny. But can I throw them at Carl?” Homer aske. He couldn’t bare to hurt Lenny because he was a decorated war hero.
“Heavens! No! Leave poor Carl alone!” Mr Burns gasped. He liked Carl for some reason. “I have just the prank we can both find tasteful...”
Homer’s prank based on an upper class lady gasping in horror and going “Good heavens!” and fainting was him lying in the ladies toilets wearing nothing except a diaper.
“Baby go boom boom...” said Homer.
“Now that’s just embarrassing...” said Barney wearing a cloth diaper giving out leaflets. The wind pulled off his diaper and it flew away on a gust of wind. “Ah! Come back! Come back diaper!” Barney chased after his diaper.
Homer’s next prank was to go to Androids dungeon.
Comic book Guy was eating taffy. “Fourty nine, fifty.,, sigh... if only the ladies went down this easily...” he sighed. “Sir what do you want?” He asked Homer annoyed as he wanted to close for lunch.
“I would like classic Spider man issue 23.” My comic book knowledge is poor. Basically he asked for an antique/very old and valuable Spider-Man comic.
“And I would like to date Seven of Nine from Star Trek...” said Comic Book Guy. Mmmmmmm! Cybernetic eyebrow...
Homer smiled and presented to him a suitcase of money.
“Oh! Let me me get that for you sir!” Comic book Guy said politely as he pushed a button and a capsule came out of the till with steam and hissing for dramatic effect! wearing gloves and using tweezers he pulled out from the capsule a comic book that must be worth thousands.
“Would you like a nylon bag sir?” Comic book Guy asked.
“No I’ll eat it here.” said Homer taking the comic book.
“What?!” Comic book Guy gasped.
Homer ripped a page from the comic and ate it.
“Oh god! No! Dear god no!” Comic Book Guy screamed as he ate the rare comic. “Acceptable, poor, worthless...” he sighed as Homer finished eating the comic and licked his fingers. He took the suitcase of money.
“Oh my god?!” Bart was horrified as he appeared in a comic panel.
Homer’s next prank involved the panda exhibit at the zoo and dressing as a female panda. Homer danced about as a panda waiting for Mr Burns’s signal for the next stage in the prank.
However a male panda was smitten with him and dragged him off screaming somewhere to have passionate (but violent!) panda sex!
Homer screamed from inside a cave as the panda raped him.
“Narrator subtly is a thing...” Bart winced in disgust.
Lisa then rescued Homer and got him out of the panda exhibit. She twigged he was Mr Burns’s prank monkey and asked him to stop humiliating himself.
“Okay sweetie. Daddy has a sore butt right now...” said Homer exhausted and traumatised.
Mr Burns had already found a new prank monkey.
“Now Peter, I want you to steal candy from a baby.” said Mr Burns.
“Oh boy! I hope I don’t get into an endless hummingbird slap fest again!” said Peter Griffin.
He sat by a prank with a baby inside licking a lollipop. On the other side of the prom sat the baby’s mother. Peter tried to grab the baby’s lollipop but the mother slapped his hand. He tried again and got slapped and again and again... eventually it descended into a hummingbird slap fest. Eventually Peter got fed up.
“Right that’s it!” He shot and killed the mother with a big, loud handgun and then snatched the baby’s lollipop and ran away. The baby cried loudly.
“Here you go Mr Burns.” Peter gave Mr Burns the lollipop.
“Ohohoho! Thank you my dear prank monkey but I don’t want to eat it, it’s been in some urchin’s disgusting germ filled maw! I just want be cruel and steal candy from infants because I can!” said Mr Burns.
Peter was horrified.
“Well Lisa, what should I do with this dirty money?” Homer asked Lisa.
“Simple Dad! We make lots of poor orphans very, very happy.” said Lisa.
Homer went to Costingtons. He tapped Yeeeeees! Man.
“Excuse me sir.”
“Yeeeeeeeeees?” said Yeeeeeeees Guy.
“I would like to buy all these toys for some needy, needy children. Is this enough dirty, dirty money?” Homer asked.
Yes guy put on some gloves and dug around in Homer’s basket of money eagerly while humming and moaning with joy. “Why it most certainly is!” He takes a phone call. “Sir something most wonderful has happened! No, Uh no not that. Uh yeeeeees!”
He then shook Homer’s hand. “Sir you are a modern day Chris Kringle!” said Yes Guy.
“Oh I’m just digging myself out of a pit of shame.” said Homer.
“Oh I know sir. I once had a shoe fetish and liked to sniff shoes... I’m still not allowed on the third floor...” said Yes Guy.
“Eeeeeeeew!” Homer groaned.