Bart Alone Bart pranks Denis Leary with his mobile when he drops it at the golf course and when another prank phone call to Australia sends his family around the world to apologise to three bars, one Australia of course, one in Hawaii and one in Norway, Bart accidentally gets left home alone.
The chalkboard gag is “Teacher’s diet is working.” Is er is underlined.
The couch gag is the Simpsons running into a garden to find a statue of themselves sitting on a stone couch.
“Ay carumba!” said Bart.
The episode starts with Skinner driving his mother about when he ran out of fuel! “But I bought one dollars worth! And we’ve only been driving ninety cents worth!” said Skinner.
“You had to drive with your windows down didn’t you? Rockabilly...” Agnes sighed. “Go out and get some more fuel! I’m old and I’m busy reading how to be an expert at bingo...” Agnes was reading a guide to playing bingo. “B 12...” she said as she read.
“How about AK47?!” Otto’s grandma yelled as she fired an AK47 assault rifle causing panic.
Skinner tried to cross the dual carriageway but narrowly avoided cars rushing past and drivers yelling at him.
He made it to the other side but left his oil can behind.
“Amateur...” Agnes sighed.
Skinner has to make his way back. Which he did with some difficulty.
Milhouse was watching from the bridge.
“Am I seeing this right?” said Milhouse. He saw a traffic sign with lights explaining delays because of a school principal trying to cross the road. “Awesome!” He texted someone.
He had called Wendell. Ralph who was in the bath. Jimbo and his gang who were drying Jimbo’s shirts on the washing line. Nelson who was giving Martin a noogie. Martin also got a text from Milhouse. And finally Bart who was having his phone confiscated by his mom for doing something bad.
“No! You know what you did, Bart!” said Marge holding his phone out of reach.
Oscar pulled out a magic cartoon magnet and it pulled the mobile phone out of her grip.
“Let’s go Bart!” said Oscar running away with him.
“Oooooh!” Marge was annoyed.
“Stop undermining, Mom!” Lisa yelled. “Gimme that!”
“No!” said Oscar.
Bart and Oscar ran off.
”Oz!” Lisa yelled after them.
Eventually all the boys that got Milhouse’s message met him at the bridge over the dual carriageway.
“What is it? You interrupted a good noogie...” Nelson was annoyed to be interrupted from tormenting Martin.
“Look!” said Milhouse.
They looked down to see Skinner trying to avoid being squashed flat by cars as he danced frantically across the dual carriageway and back again.
The boys all laughed.
“This needs to go around the school!” said Bart, laughing. They recorded the footage and sent it to everyone who sent it around the world including Botswana where they don’t know how to laugh properly. We hear Botswana people making tongue clicking sounds and lolling sounds.
Lisa was in the kitchen, disappointed in something. Whatever it was it made her forget she was mad at Oscar for undermining Marge’s authority.
“I’ll never get to go to Macchu Pichu...” she sighed.
Oscar was in deep thought. He thought of a Pichu from Pokemon lifting weights until it had big muscles.
“Whatever are you thinking about can’t have anything to do with Macchu Pichu...” Lisa squinted at him.
“Isn’t Pichu a Pokemon?” Oscar asked.
Lisa growled frustrated and went somewhere.
She found Marge in the living room watching Spanish soap operas.
”Oooooh Fernando!” A Spanish lady sighed.
“Mom! I want to go to Macchu Pichu!” Lisa whined.
“I’m sorry dear, but we can’t afford a holiday right now! As it is I’m buying frozen peas in installments...” said Marge.
“Mmmmm! Rosebud frozen peas... full of country goodness and green peaness...” said Orson Welles.
“Oscar! Don’t let Orson eat the peas!” Marge yelled.
At work Homer was singing Lurlene Lumpkin’s song “you work all day for some old man, sweat and break your back!” while drunk and pulling at the levers causing mishaps in the plant.
Mr Burns comes in with Smithers. I’ve stopped killing him once an episode for now. “Look Smithers! A worker with a smile on his face and a song in his heart!”
“Uh that’s local slob Homer Simpson of sector 7G sir. And he appears to have consumed vast amounts of alcohol sir...” said Smithers.
“Oh pish posh! Have him promoted!” said Mr Burns.
“Yes sir...” Smithers sighed.
Homer was in his new office still singing Lurleen Lumpkin songs.
“Bunk with me toniiiiiiight!” Homer sung inebriated
His new co workers didn’t know what to think.
On his way home from the bypass, Bart found a mobile phone. And what was better was that it wasn’t locked properly. Snooping through it, he found it belonged to Denis Leary.
”Diago the sabre toothed cat from that dumb Ice Age movie Oscar likes...” Bart sighed.
Somewhere Oscar senses something.
”What is it Oz?” Hugo asked.
”I sense someone is insulting Ice Age!” Oscar said sharply and frowned.
Bart obviously was not going to give it in... he had far more devious ideas. He laughed evilly.
At home he waited until the phone buzzed. The call was from Denis Leary’s agent. They wanted him to star in Everybody Poops the movie as the constipated gorilla.
“Okay I’ll do it! But I want to do my own poops!” said Bart. For some reason Denis’s agent was so dumb he thought Bart was Denis and signed him up for the role.
Bart laughed when the phone call ended.
“You can’t make that up!” he laughed hysterically.
Speaking of poop...
At the book store Marge was buying toilet training books for Oscar to get him to stop using diapers.
“We’ve got Everybody Poops... Everybody Poops but you.” said the posh book store owner.
“Uh do you have anything for a Catholic child.” said Marge.
“Why yes!” said the shopkeeper. “We have, ‘You’re a naughty child and that’s concentrated evil coming from your backside!’”
“Eh... I’ll pass...” said Marge. Oscar would have to stay diapered for now.
Meanwhile Denis Leary was dressed up as a gorilla as one of the characters in Everybody Poops. He said his lines.
“Aaaaaand cut! That’s a wrap people.” said the director ending the scene.
“I did not agree to this!” Denis told his agent.
“Sure you did! This morning!” said his agent.
“Okay people vacate the set and pour on the poop!” said the director.
“What the?!” Denis gasped as a vehicle backed up while beeping and poured several tons of manure over him.
In his room, Bart was with Milhouse making prank phone calls to taverns across the world. First off he rung a bar in Hawaii.
“Aloha?” asked the bar owner.
“Aloha to you sir.” said Bart. “I’m looking for a Maya, full name Maya Normousbutt.”
The bar tender asked his patrons. “Maya Normusbutt? Maya Normusbutt! Hey everybody! Has anyone seen Maya Normusbutt?”
“Yes we have!” said a patron.
The bar tender growled as he could hear Bart laughing down the phone.
“Next Australia...” said Bart.
“Australia?! No wait Bart!” Milhouse stopped him. “Don’t you remember what happened last time?!”
“Yeah... but this time I’m doing it on Denis Leary’s phone so he will be the one that gets in trouble with Australia, not me.” said Bart.
“Oh...” sId Milhouse.
Bart rang up an Australian bar called Crocodile Drunkees.
“Is there a Mr Weiner here? First name Droopy?” Bart asked.
“Droopy seiner... is there a Droopy Weiner here... Hey everybody! I hold in my hand a Droopy Weiner!” sId the bar owner.
“Better put it down, mate!” A patron chuckled. The bar owner growled as he listened to Bart and Milhouse laughing.
Then Bart rang a bar in Sweden called Ingmar Bar Beerman’s.
“I’m looking for an Olaf. Olaf MyFriendsaregay.” Bart asked.
“I shall enquire.” said the monotone bar tender. “Olaf? Olaf! Hey everybody! Olaf myfriendsaregay!”
said the bar tender.
“Wait a minute! If I ever get a hold of you... I will thank you for teaching me the futility of human endeavour!” said the creepy bartender as scary music played.
Bart and Milhouse were laughing hysterically.
“Bart what are you doing up there?” Marge asked.
“Nothing...” Bart lied.
“We’ll go out and do something productive dear. Your mind tends to wonder towards trouble making when you’re not doing anything...” said Marge.
Bart and Milhouse went out to get away from Marge and cause trouble.
Meanwhile at Denis Leary’s he was in trouble with government agents and a UN representative.
“Mr Leary you have a lot of explaining to do! We have just received this angry letter from Australia demanding an apology for a prank phone call from your phone number!” said the UN member for America.
“What the?! I didn’t make any prank phone calls!!” Denis Leary gasped.
“Here’s the hundreds of ten gallon hats you ordered Mr Leary.” said a delivery person with lots of cartoon cowboy hats.
“What the?!” Denis Leary gasped.
Meanwhile Bart was in a construction site driving a forklift truck with Milhouse riding on the forklift.
“Bartholomew J Simpson!” Marge yelled.
“Uh oh!” Bart gulped. He stopped the forklift and Milhouse went flying.
“Bart what are you doing...” Marge asked.
“Nothing...” Bart lied.
“Riding a forklift truck doesn’t look like nothing...” said Marge.
Bart couldn’t respond.
“I know you’re up to something! I’m keeping an eye on you...
And she did.
Bart went to the dog racing only for Marge to turn up and rip up his ticket.
Then he went to see Severe. A horror movie on for Marge to appear, be horrified by the movie and drag him out covering his eyes.
Then he helped his brother Hugo dig up corpses in the night for building monsters with. But Marge popped out of a coffin and scared the bejesus out of them. They ran off screaming.
Marge was at home talking to Homer.
“I can’t shake off the feeling Bart has done something. But I can’t find out what it is...” said Marge.
“I say we torture him!” said Homer.
“No Homer!” Marge told him off. “Maybe following him everywhere isn’t getting me any closer to finding out what he’s doing. We’ll have to take a step back and wait for him to slip up.
“Mom I’m not doing anything... but... in other news they’ve cancelled production on the new Ice Age sequel indefinitely! So that’s great news! Mwuhahahaha!” said Bart.
“Nooooooooooo!” Oscar cried.
Marge and Homer decided to watch the news.
Oscar cried that Ice Age wouldn’t get numerous hackneyed sequels in this universe.
At Blue Sky Animation Studios.
“I can’t believe Denis Leary would do something like that...” said the CEO.
“And he sent rude texts to John Laguizamo saying The Mario Bros movie sucked! Over and over. And texted “call yourself a Sloth? You can’t even play Luigi properly!”” said another staff member.
Meanwhile Marge has good news for Lisa.
“Sweetie I have a surprise for you!” said Marge. “The Simpsons are going to Macchu Pichu!”
“Oh wow! Thanks Mom!” said Lisa. “But how did you and Dad afford it?” said Lisa.
“Your father got promoted. I think Mr Burns is on the ether again...” said Marge. “Some promise Oscar made, I made sure he’s dead I promise!”
“I was sure he was dead!” Oscar yelled.
However the next morning when the family got ready and left early for the airport. They forgot someone important. Bart!
They didn’t even notice during check in, putting the luggage on the conveyors or when getting through security!
“Ah! A plane ride with just the canon Simpsons... no evil twin or annoying narrator...” Homer sighed. “And the boy is actually behaving!”
Hugo laughed evilly and dementedly.
“Hugo?!” Marge gasped. “Then that must mean...”
“I’ve left the boy home alone! Aaaaaaaagh!” Homer screamed.
The Mcallister's winced.
Meanwhile Bart woke up sometime later finding it odd no one woke him for church.
“Morning guys... guys?” He asked finding the house completely empty. He looked around the rooms. “Lisa? Hugo? Anybody?” He checked the bathroom. “Nope.
He soon determined he had been left home alone.
“They’ve left me all alone!” said Bart. “Cooooool!”
He ate cereal out of the box while watching cartoons.
Then threw cupcakes at the walls and smooshed mustard packets under the piano.
“Mooooom! I’m about to try my first beer...” said Bart. Bart you’ve drunk alcohol before...
No one answered.
“Better stop me dad...” said Bart.
No one came.
“Oh well.” Bart drank the beer. It made him woozy. He fell unconscious.
Meanwhile Denis Leary was teaching a mother how to keep an eye on her kid so he wouldn’t get anymore prank phone calls. Denis Leary was making pop tarts! The pop tarts popped out of the toaster.
”Look, here’s what you do. Put a tracking chip in your son’s phone and give it back to him.” said Denis Leary. “Now I have to go. My pop tarts are ready,”
After he put the phone down, Oscar somehow broke into his house and was playing Rescue Me by Fontella Bass on his boom box/ghetto blaster radio loudly.
“Rescue me! Take me in your aaaaaarmmms! Rescue me! I want your tender chaaaaaarm! Cos I’m lonely!”
”Goddamn it! Not again!” Denis yelled as if Oscar had been doing this a lot.
Eventually Bart woke up. He had a sore head from drinking.
Bart then went to his parents room. He saw a play dude magazine poking out from under the bed. Not learning from last time he wanted to read it.
“Oh! I finally get to see boobs! Aaaaaaagh! Aaaaagh! Oh my god!” He screamed and dropped the magazine in horror and ran back in with one of Oscar’s machine guns and shot the magazine to pieces.
“You can’t hurt anyone anymore!” Bart gasped in horror shaking.
Then Bart was eating ice cream in an unseen bedroom not seen before where the occupant had a tarantula in a tank for some reason.
“Big cousin Buzz! I’m eating your ice cream and touching your stuff! Better come and kill me!” said Bart. Hehehehe! Kevin’s big evil cousin...
Bart then watched soap operas while wearing only a diaper all day until he got bored. He quickly took off the diaper and got dressed as he used the kitchen phone to call his friends round.
Milhouse and Nelson came round for a weird barbecue. Bart was barbecuing Twizzlers on the barbecue.
“Wow! Twizzlers do taste better barbecued!” said Nelson.
Eventually it started to rain and Milhouse and Nelson wanted to get home quickly.
“We better get going! Smell you later Bart.” said Nelson.
“Yeah it’s raining and getting very dark... Real boogeyman weather...” said Milhouse.
Meanwhile the rest of his family were at the airport near Macchu Pichu trying to get in contact with Bart or tickets straight back home.
“I keep telling you my ten year old son has been left home alone!” Marge cried.
“Why would you do that?” an airport clerk asked. "Isn't that your son over there?" She pointed to Hugo.
“I don’t know!” Marge yelled.
Back at home it was soon night time. Bart was in bed frightened by the shadows. “Gee when you’re alone, night is scary!” Bart shivered.
The next day he was eating twinkies. “Day is awesome!”
However that night. Bart was cowering in a corner of a dark room wearing hockey armour and brandishing a hockey stick. “Night is scary!”
The next day he was playing golf with Lisa’s Malibu Stacy heads and sending them flying into Flanders’ garden, or Ruth’s... “Day is awesome!”
“Night is scary!” Bart was tucked up on the kitchen table with mouse traps everywhere. He was obviously frightened given the mousetraps.
The next day he was roasting marshmallows in the living room fire. “Day is awesome!”
But that night he was being terrorised by the boogeyman! He was cowering in a corner from a shadowy monster with big yellow eyes that was dripping goop everywhere. “Night is scary!” Bart whimpered.
The Simpsons decided to make the most of their holiday without Bart. They went to Macchu Pichu where Oscar was playing Peekimon Get on his mobile phone. He laughed as the game kept spawning Pichus! “Ha! Told ya!”
“Grrrrr! I highly doubt the ancient Mayans were fans of Pokemon Oscar!” Lisa yelled.
“I wonder how Bart is doing...” Homer asked.
“Day is awesome!” Bart was playing frisbee with Homer’s records.
“Night is scary!” said Bart at night in his darkened room. He was wearing a blue babygro pyjamas sat in his monsterous clown bed Homer made for him. The clown bed laughed evilly and manically. Bart shivered in fear. He even saw a palm tree silhouette outside the window.
The next morning, he was traumatized.
“Can’t sleep! Clown will eat me! Can’t sleep! Clown will eat me!”
In his traumatized imagination he saw clowns everywhere. The ceiling fan in a back room turned into a clown!
“HoHo! We’re all alone aren’t we boy?” said the green nosed clown face in the ceiling.
Bart decided to get his mind off the scary clowns doing something awesome. He tied a rope around his waist and the ceiling fan. He was using the room as a wall of death tho skateboard in. He turned the fan on and skated around the walls frantically and out of control as he left scuff marks. Hey yelled as he was pulled towards the deadly ceiling fan.
The fan turned into a clown face again.
“I’m gonna kill ya, boy!” said the clown.
Of course he survived... he’s the main character...
The Simpsons were making their way home on a coach. But Homer panicked because he fault he had lost all feeling in his legs from deep vein thrombosis.
“Why won’t my legs work?! Why?!” Homer screamed hitting his legs. “I can’t feel my legs!”
“Homer! Those are the legs of the very tall man behind you!” said Marge. The very tall man got up and glared at Homer looking down at him.
“Oops! Sorry there, pal!” said Homer sheepishly.
At home Bart made himself toast with the toaster from Brave Little Toaster. However it caught alight with fire. Bart yelled at the flames.
Then the kitchen caught alight with flames!
Then the smoke taking the form of a giant hand grabbed Bart and pulled him out the kitchen.
Then out of the smoke a scary, nightmarish Fireman clown with a green shiny nose appeared. The fire man clown from hell breathed and said one word in a raspy voice. “Run...”
Bart screamed and ran out into the back lounge. The air conditioner in the window was on. In his paranoia it spoke to him in the voice of Troy McClure.
“Hi I’m Troy McClure and I’m your air conditioner! It’s my function! I like being bolted into the wall! It’s not my fault you’re too short to reach my dials!” The air conditioner broke down in furious anger and literally screamed at Bart about his functions before malfunctioning and exploding.
“Uh okay... no more Brave Little Toaster references...” said Bart.
The Simpsons minus Bart got off at the wrong stop. Instead of arriving at Branson, Missouri they arrived at Bronson, Missouri. A place entirely populated by Charles Bronson from Death Wish. Not that other Charles Bronson...
“Branson, Missouri! At last!” said Homer.
“No Pally, you’ve got the wrong place! This is Bronson, Missouri!” said Charles Bronson. Everyone in town looked and sounded like Charles Bronson.
“Pally watch where you’re walkin’!”
“How do we get to Branson then?” Lisa asked.
“Number 10 bus.” said a Charles Bronson lady.
“Mommy get me some cookies!” said a boy as Charles Bronson. He was oddly wearing the same blue t shirt with two horizontal white stripes that Oscar’s mentally retarded friend at school wore.
“No dice.” said the lady who was clearly the boy’s mother.
“This ain’t over...” the boy warned her.
Meanwhile Bart was disheveled looking out the front windows when he saw two very dodgy men get out of a blue truck, one short and fat, resembling Joe Pesci and one tall and lean. Who looked like a hobo.
They were obviously burglars.
“Time to make like the kid from Home alone and booby trap the house!” said Bart.
“Already on it...” said Kevin McCallister. He was carrying stuff like planks of wood and barbed wire etc. Bart grimaced at him. “And lock your doors...”
While Kevin set up booby traps Bart shaved. Yes he wanted to shave himself despite having no facial hair. He was then applying aftershave, he slapped his cheeks and screamed loudly.
Kevin McCallister was humming as he went about the house setting up booby traps such as swinging paint cans on the stairs. Boiling hot door knobs. Pouring gooey tar down the basement stairs which before hand he had stuck very sharp nails to... etc.
“I Uh don’t think self defence laws allow you to booby trap your house against burglars...” said Bart.
“Sure they do!” said Kevin.
Bart was thinking. “Why weren’t you in Home Alone 3?” he asked Kevin.
Kevin looked like he didn’t want to answer that question.
“Because I wasn’t... I don’t like to talk about it...” said Kevin.
“It wouldn’t happen to do with your sudden change of appearance in Home Alone 4 would it?” said Bart.
“I said I don’t like to talk about it...” said Kevin.
“Ok! Chill, man!” Bart asked him to chill out. He wouldn’t ask him any more. “What ever...”
The Simpsons were hurrying home for some reason. Maybe they do care about Bart!
“We’ve got to change Maggie! By god, we’ve got to change Maggie!” Homer yelled as they drove home. Okay... maybe not...
Bart was on Denis Leary’s mobile phone again. He saw an advertisement for viagra. ‘Haaaaahahaha! I’m definitely buying some to put in Skinner’s coffee!”
At school during recess the next day. Skinner was walking very stiffly. “Something is very wrong with this coffee!” said Principal Skinner.
To break up the monotony of his days Bart gets a job on a golf course retrieving balls. He has to deal with Chris Griffin wearing a mattress on his back, hyperactive Cleveland Jr, a a tough talking ginger haired owner.
“Yeah I’m the owner of this place, big whoop! Wanna fight about it?” said the owner.
“Wheeeee! I’m Tiger woods! Whoopeeeee!” Cleveland Jr cheered.
And Bart had to scuba dive for Golf balls with only a set of aqua lungs. Goggles, swimming trunks and flippers.
However one of the golf balls he retrieved was a crocodile egg that hatched. The mother crocodile retrieved her baby.
Then he had to retrieve golf balls from golf holes they were left in at the end of each course. Bart yelped as one hole had a prairie dog in it that bit him. Then when he reluctantly stuck his arm down another he was sucked down it and ended up in Looney Tunes.
“Uh.... What’s up Doc?” Bugs Bunny asked him.
“I’m Michael Jordon. Stop it. Get some help.” said Michael Jordon.
Bart rolled his eyes.
After Work Bart saw Stewie Griffin during his Home Alone episode getting a job at a Burger King.
“Well I have to get us a job Rupert or we’ll be in far worse shape than Morbidly Obese Albert.” said Stewie initiating a cutaway about Fat Albert being morbidly obese.
Bart squinted confused.
“Hey hey Hey!” said Fat Albert.
The Simpsons drove their car into Godzilla’s foot. He was so angry he threw them back to Macchu Pichu.
“Oof! Ooooooh! My head...” Homer groaned and so did the others.
They got out and formulated a plan to get home. Meanwhile Marge fell asleep and a Mayan God told a story with a lesson. It was about being an over the top mother.
“The Mayans were ruled and dominated by their mothers...” said the Mayan God. There was a Mayan City with mothers nagging their sons or wiping their noses.
“So when the Spanish invaded, they stood no chance because they never had to fend for themselves...” said the Mayan God. When the Spanish arrived the Mayans fled in terror. The last Mayan Warrior left made Whoop whoop whoop whoop! Curly sounds before fleeing after his comrades.
“You Knuckle head!” Moe from Three Stooges as a Mayan Warrior yelled.
Marge woke up when Lisa woke her.
“Mom it’s time to get going.” said Lisa.
And Marge learnt a lesson about not being too controlling over Bart.
“Wow this Dream controlling device Hugo built is amazing!” said Oscar.
Bart in his underwear answered the door to find Stewie got fired from Burger King. For being caught on security eating all the fish sandwich burgers.
“I had one...” Stewie lied even though the security footage showed him devouring several.
“Stewie you obviously forgot the three most important rules of working at Burger King. Don’t eat the produce. Always sing the Ding! Fries are done! Song and never, ever mention foot lettuce...” said Bart.
He let Stewie in.
”Well Rupert we’re in worse shape than morbidly obese Albert...” said Stewie.
”Stewie stop initiating cut away gags...” Bart groaned.
Stewie spent the next few minutes aggravating Bart by pronouncing Cool Whip, as Cool Hwip.
”I watched so much porn....” said Bart groaning as he ignored Stewie attempts to annoy him.
Stewie then copied Bart’s drink beer from the fridge. But Stewie was attempting to drink a can of fizzy pop. He had a can of orange soda.
”Lois! I’m having a can of soda!!” said Stewie.
”Uh.... I don’t get it,” said Bart.
”Babies aren’t supposed to have soda drinks...” Stewie explained.
They then played video games. Bonestorm to be precise. Whilst wearing diapers so they didn’t have to stop for loo breaks.
”Is this the first times your folks left you on your own?” Stewie asked.
”For this long. But it’s not the first time I’ve been left alone overall. That was when I was barred from the family vacation to Sunny Beach because I replaced my Principal’s shampoo with coffee.” said Bart.