Bart’s Comet Bart discovers a comet in astronomy class detention after after making a big balloon of Skinner with a big butt. Then to his horror the geeks want him back again.
Outside at the school grounds Skinner and some fourth graders, and Oscar are releasing a weather balloon as part of a school project.
“And now our most propane explosion free science week has come to an end.” said Skinner.
Suddenly the school exploded violently.
“Oh Ma...” said Hank Hill from King of the Hill.
“Simpsooon!” Skinner yelled.
“That wasn’t me! Honest!” Bart protested as everyone examined the burning rubble that was once the school.
“He’s right Principal Skinner! That wasn’t Bart’s doing. I filled the science lab class room with propane tanks with Hank Hill’s help and blew it up...” said Oscar.
“You did this?! But why?!” Skinner asked.
“Bart’s pranks are rarely mindlessly destructive and even then he cares not to hurt people. I don’t. My pranks are very destructive! And often involve cameos from other TV shows just because...” said Oscar.
“Bwaaaaah!” said Hank hill, and probably inappropriate comments about Asians because King of the Hill wants to be edgy like South Park but is to bashful to dive right in with controversial jokes. “Look Ma! We’re saying bad words and making fun of Chinese people on TV!”
“Yeah, that’s really cute...” said Cartman from South Park.
“Very well. Oscar you leave me very little choice but to have you expelled immediately!” Skinner expelled Oscar.
“Woohoo! No more school ever! Yippee!” Oscar cheered and went home.
“I hope no one was in there...” said Bart observing the smouldering ruins of the school.
“You’ll have to ask Oscar that when you get home Bart. Now barring any more explosions let’s release that weather balloon!” said Skinner eager to release the weather balloon.
The nerds, Martin, Cosine etc said something geeky and praising of their beloved principal as they released the balloon.
“Hooray to being human! Human for science! Whooo!” said the dorks.
“Human for science?! Well I can’t say I approve of that Whoooo! But your message was heartening boys.” said Skinner.
Suddenly everyone pointed up at the balloon and laughed because someone, likely Bart, was allowed free reign of designing the balloon and it was designed to resemble Skinner with an enormous butt holding a sigh saying “Hi! I’m big butt Skinner!”
“Oh good lord!” Skinner gasped and tried to grab the balloon. “Children, whoever helps me get this balloon down doesn’t have to do fractions!”
The children cheered and threw rocks at Bart’s balloon but missed and hit Skinner’s car.
“Hey watch out for my car children!” Skinner asked.
He continued to try to get at the balloon but it soon ascended out of reach, where it could mock Skinner on the news etc.
“Curse the man who invented helium!!” Skinner yelled.
“Uh sir, that was Piers Jules Cesar Janssen.” said Martin being a geek. “And it was discovered, not invented...”
“Curse Piers Jules Cesar Janssen!” Skinner yelled.
In nineteenth century France Piers Jules Cesar Janssen was inhaling helium from a helium tank. “Mmmmmm! That gas is noble!” he said in a squeaky voice from helium.
Suddenly the big butt Skinner balloon was intercepted by fighter jets.
“Tango 14! I’m getting an ID on that bogey!” said an American jet pilot speaking to his fellow squadron mates. Oscar was now breaking the laws of physics by riding on the nose of the fighter jet, picking his nose and smooshing boogers on the cockpit windows. “Not those kind of bogeys Oz...” the squadron leader sighed.
We cut to Oscar playing golf. He putts the ball but it veers away from the hole. “D’oh! I got a bogey...” he added a plus one to his score card for that hole.
“Not that kind of bogey either...” the fighter pilot sighed.
“Firing sidewinder missile!” A pilot fired a missile. It missed the balloon. “Missed... firing second sidewinder missile...” that missed too.
Back at the school.
“Bart turn out your pockets!” Skinner was cross with Bart because he knew this was his doing.
“Turn out my pockets?! I don’t see how that will prove-“ said Bart.
“Don’t talk back to me Simpson! Just do it!” Skinner barked a military order.
Bart emptied his short pockets of his shorts.
“Blueprints of balloon, photos of you posing with the balloon, alternative lyrics to the National anthem?!” Skinner found hard evidence Bart was guilty.
“Race you to Utah, Milhouse!” Bart wanted to go to Utah for some reason...
“Okay!” said Milhouse running off.
However Skinner stopped Bart. “Bart I am going to punish you for this... and this time it won’t just be another caning!” said Skinner. Yes he said caning.
“Um Sir... it’s 1995... you can’t cane pupils anymore...” said Bart.
“Oh! I thought it was 1895!” said Skinner.
“No... that’s a nineteenth century festival the school was having until Oscar blew it up...” said Bart.
“Oh... well. Because you impeded science, you must now aid science!” Skinner said. “You will assist me with my amateur astronomy tomorrow morning, at four thirty hours.”
“There’s a four thirty in the morning now?!” Bart asked.
“Absolutely not! My little boy is not getting up at four thirty in the morning to attend a punishment!” said Marge.
“But Marge! It’s a punishment...” Homer whined. “Don’t encourage him to weasel out of things! That’s my job! And you berate me for that...”
“Well... I would get in even more trouble if I don’t attend Mom...” said Bart.
“I’m sorry dear but I just don’t think that’s a reasonable punishment...” said Marge.
“Anyway... Oscar why did you blow up the school with propane?” Lisa asked.
“Dunno, just felt like it... don’t worry no one was hurt. I don’t allow people to be hurt by my pranks.” said Oscar.
Four in the morning.
Bart woke up drowsy and went downstairs in his jammies to the kitchen and started making chocolate pudding.
Homer smelt the delicious chocolate pudding from upstairs. “Mmmmmmm! Chocolate pudding! Wait! What the!” He woke with a start.
The Simpsons all ran down to the kitchen to find Bart making chocolate pudding.
“Bart! It’s four in the morning! What are you doing?!” said Marge.
“Making chocolate pudding.” said Bart.
“Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?!” Marge asked.
“Because I have lost control of my life...” said Bart. “Anyhoo, gotta get to Skinner...”
“Certainly not! You get back to bed right now mister!” said Marge.
“But Mooom!” said Bart.
“No buts!” said Marge.
Bart sighed and went back to bed. He was going to be in serious trouble at school later.
Seven-ish that morning, the school run! Que Marge waking everyone and rushing about.
Hugo for some reason left the attic a few seasons early. “Mom, can you make me breakfast?” He asked Marge.
“There’s a stuffed pepper in the trash from last night. Just rinse it good.” said Marge clearly insane or high on something...
“Ugh! I hate this family...” Hugo groaned digging in the trash for a stuffed pepper that was discarded there.
Bart came down.
“I’m sure that was my line.” said Bart.
“Now sweetie, why would I ask you to eat out of the garbage?” Marge replied to Bart fetching him a box of Krusty Ohs.
“Yet you find it acceptable to make your other son eat trash...” Oscar said glaring at Marge.
“Fine... here’s ten dollars, take him to IHOP or something...” said Marge offering Oscar money.
“Come on Hugey, time to get you some real breakfast...” said Oscar to Hugo dragging him off somewhere.
“Hey this stuffed pepper from the garbage isn’t half bad!” said Hugo taking the filthy stuffed pepper with him...
Bart went to lounge to eat his breakfast. He was baffled and winced because Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II were watching Lassie...
”Come on Lassie! Come on girl!” said a cute little girl/boy’s voice from the TV. Probably Timmy.
Bart was in serious trouble with Skinner at School.
“I’m sorry, but my mom said..,” said Bart.
“Bart don’t give me that excuse! I know full well what its like having an overbearing mother!” Skinner yelled.
“Seymour! That suit makes you look gay!” Agnes yelled.
“Mother...” Seymour whined to his mom.
Skinner could see Bart smirking. “Simpson! We will reschedule our amateur astronomy after school! And you will attend!”
“Heh! Amateur astronomy... you wish...” Agnes remarked.
And so Bart attended Skinner’s Amateur astronomy uh thing... all the lines were boring except for when Bart mucked up Skinner’s telescope pretending he was a pirate...
“Now Bart. Do not, under any circumstances, touch this telescope! It took hours of adjusting to look at the patch of sky I am studying.” said Skinner.
“Did ya find anything?” Bart asked.
“No, it’s completely empty! But I will see something there someday...” said Skinner. He saw his annoying balloon. “Now remember what I said! Do not touch anything!” Skinner left Bart.
Bart waltzed about whistling. Of course he was gonna touch the telescope! He spun it about and played with it acting like a pirate.
“All hands on deck! Pirates off the port bow! Arrrrr!” Bart spoke like a pirate while mucking about with the telescope.
“Arrrrrr! Me hearties! Shiver me timbers!” Oscar joined in brandishing a wooden sword and wearing a cartoon pirate hat.
Suddenly Bart saw in the telescope a comet. He rung up on Skinner’s cell phone and reported the comet and its coordinates.
“Bart! What did I just say?! Give me that!” Skinner took his phone.
“Congratulations Bart Simpson! You’ve discovered a comet!” said a caller.
“Nooooooo!” Skinner cried.
The big butt Skinner balloon escaped aand flew away,
“Nooooooo!” Skinner cried.
“Um I broke your telescope Skin rash...” said Bart.
“Nooooooo!” Skinner cried.
At dinner at the Simpsons.
“And then I sped away before Wiggum could get my license plate!” said Homer at dinner.
“Sounds like you had an exciting day today, Dad.” said Lisa.
“Yeah but unfortunately I didn’t go into work...” Homer sighed.
“Well I made an exciting discovery!” said Bart. He passed a newspaper to Marge.
“Boy discovers new comet. The Bart Simpson comet! Oh sweetie! I’m so proud of you!” said Marge hugging Bart.
“But then you’ve always been proud of me!” said Bart.
“Um.... yes...” said Marge.
At lunch at school.
Unfortunately because of his scientific discovery, the nerds wanted to be Bart’s friend again.
“Won’t you join us Bart?” Martin offered him a seat with Ham, Database etc.
“No! Why the hell would I want to-“ Bart was about to rudely refuse and go over to sit near his friends Milhouse, Lewis and Richard.
However everyone scowled at him and refused to let him sit.
“Sit here geek and you’ll be eating your cafeteria food throw a tube for the next few weeks!” Nelson warned him.
“On second thoughts, sure why not Martin!” said Bart sitting down with the nerds.
“As the first student of the year to discover a comet or other stellar object, we welcome you Bart, to the Super Friends!” said Martin.
“Yaaaay! The Super Friends!” The geeks cheered.
Bart was mortified.
“No! The Super Friends is already copyright of DC Comics!” Comic Book Guy yelled.
“Here’s Ham.” said Martin addressing a fat nerd.
“I’m ham because I like ham radio!” said Ham snorting like a pig.
“And I bet you like ham...” said Bart.
“Then there’s Database, Cosine, report card, E-mail and Lisa.” said Martin. “Of course you must already know everyone from the genius cave inside my locker from that time you wore prescription glasses.”
Lisa waved at Bart.
“Oh hi Sis...” Bart said hi to his sister.
“Your nickname will be Cosmos!” said Martin.
“Oh! Oh! Can mine be Wanda?” Oscar asked.
“Uh... no... because you’re not a Super Friend...” said Lisa.
“But I do an excellent impression of her! (Clears throat) Cosmo you idiot! Juandissimo... you’re doing the dance of a hundred chocolates?!” Oscar did a really good impression of Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents.
“Well I’m finished eating...” said Bart leaving the table fed up with the stupidity and geekiness.
“Goodbye Cosmos!” said the nerds.
Perhaps one night we can see your comet, Cosmos.” said Martin in the playground as Bart now had his nerd glasses on. (The last temptation of Homer)
“You can see it now Martin, look right behind you!” Bart said desperately.
“Very funny Bart. I’m not falling for that old trick...” said Martin.
“No I’m serious! You can see the comet!” said Bsrt.
“Highly unlikely Bart, one it is too bright right now due to it being the day and secondly we’d need a powerful telescope to see it...” said Database.
“But you don’t need a stupid telescope to see my comet! Look!” Bart turned Martin to look at the comet heading towards Earth!
“Oh my goodness! No no no! This isn’t good at all!” Martin cried.
“If that comet collides with Earth, millions will be killed!” Lisa gasped.
“Noooooo! Then we’ll die like the dinosaurs!” Oscar screamed.
Dino his pet baby Chomby cried.
“Oh I’m sorry Dino!” Oscar apologised.
“I knew you’d find something wrong with my comet... you’ve always been small and petty...” said Bart.
“To the observatory!” said a high pitched ginger nerd. E Mail apparently. He looks more like Oscar’s Jewish friend Jurkle.
The Super Friends all ride their bikes to the observatory while singing “we are the Super Friends!”
“We are the Super Friends!”
“Shut up!” Bart yelled.
A scientist is looking through the observatory telescope.
“Oh dear God! The scientist gasped.
“Warren what have I told you about hogging the eye piece...” said a lady scientist.
The Super Friends were frightened about the comet and had a lawsuit from DC comics to deal with.
“Professor sprinkle us with your mighty wisdom! How scare should we be?!” E Mail asked.
“Well, children... somewhere between not at all and entirely...” said Warren the scientist.
“I call entirely! (Screams like Zoidberg)” said Oscar screaming and making Curly sounds as he scuttled away like a crab.
“So you’re saying we’re doomed...” said Bart.
“I’m afraid so...” said Warren.
“Oh great, just more bad news! This has been a terrible morning! On top of having to deal with a lawsuit from DC comics.... now we need to find a new name for our gang!” Martin whined.
“But we like being the Super Friends!” The nerds whined.
“Do you like paying thousands of dollars in a law suit for trademark infringement...” Bart sighed.
Then a siren blared through town and everyone panicked. And a guy ran about flapping his arms making Curly Woop! Woop! sounds.
Everyone attended the town meeting lead by Mayor Quimby on what to do about the comet. Quimby decided to leave Springfield to its horrible, fiery demise...
Frink took over to discuss the facts. “Gahoy! This slideshow will show what happens when the comet hits...” the last slide was a horrible explosion with marker pen writing saying “Moe’s” in the middle of the explosion.
“Oh dear God!” Moe screamed.
Frink discussed a solution. “However scientists are working around the clock for a solution...”
“Just tell us what it is Einstein!” A man screamed hysterically.
Frink discussed they could shoot the comet with a missile blowing it up.
“And no more Mr comet.” said Frink.
“But what about Mrs Comet!” The easily frightened man screamed. Oscar giggled at his stupidness.
“There is no Mrs Comet...” said Frink.
Judge Snyder thwacked his gavel as a court session was in place.
“I now begin the court proceedings of the lawsuit between DC Comics and several children of Springfield Elementary who have dubbed themselves the Super Friends! Detective Comics, call your first witness,” said Judge Snyder.
Comic Book Guy got to his feet wearing his usual superman T shirt and cleared his throat.
“I present my evidence! Every issue of DC’s Super Friends ever! I um quite the collector...” said Comic Book Guy.
“But these are sealed in plastic! You can’t read them?!” said Judge Snyder.
“Therefore remaining in mint condition forever!” said Comic Book Guy.
“Well this is excellent evidence nonetheless! And I see DC has some evidence and words from its legal team.” said Judge Snyder.
“And what do you have children...” Blue Haired Lawyer asked the nerds calling themselves the Super Friends.
“Lionel Hutz...” Bart sighed face palming.
“What can I say! They’re children and you’re a big multi billion dollar company!” said Lionel Hutz.
And so the nerds lost their court case but Snyder ruled they be shown clemency because they were only children.
“But, I hope this teaches you all a valuable lesson children, about copyright and trademark infringement...” said Snyder.
The children nodded, annoyed they could no longer sing “we’re the Super Friends!” Bart was glad they would no longer sing stupid songs.
The nerds and Bart wearing his geeky thick rimmed black glasses retreated to the hidden cave deep within Martin’s locker to lament their court case and the approaching comet of Doom!
“And Mrs Comet...” said Oscar.
“No Oz... and get out of the nerds’ secret den!” said Bart.
Much to Bart’s annoyance the black nerd was force feeding him prune juice again.
“DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE!” the black nerd yelled.
Some nerds were doing extra curricular maths. The Indian nerd who I think was in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was warning of doom and gloom as usual but this time his miserable warnings were specifically about the comet.
Martin was using a blackboard to discuss the comet situation and the possibilities. Ie the worst case scenario, everyone dies. Or the most likely, the comet breaks up in atmosphere re entry.
However he got annoyed with Oscar because he was drawing a nagging fish wife comet called Mrs Comet on the board.
“Oscar do you mind?!” Martin tried to yell in his posh high pitched voice.
“Oz... get out...” Bart sighed.
Oscar then started touching a science lab nerd’s experiment. A device of some kind. He zapped Bart with it.
Bart suddenly had rosy cheeks and started singing “I love to singa!” by Owl Johnson and dancing.
“I love to sing ah! About the moon ah and the June ah and the spring ah! I love to sing ah! About a sky or blue about me and you...”
Oscar grimaced and zapped Bart back to normal.
Bart panted exhausted. “What the hell was that?!” He gasped.
Because of impending doom by comet, school was shut for a day of mourning.
”We got no schoooooool! No more school todaaaaaay! We got no schoooool!” Bart, Milhouse, Ralph and Nelson sung as the ran about in a conga line.
Oscar ran past screaming as he was chased by Pac Man.
Wakka Wakka sounds as Pac Man chases Oscar.
Frink fired the missile at the comet.
“So anyway, we get in our car... and take the bridge out of town. While all the while, they're still going... “Oh no! We’re doomed!” Hehehehe! Suckers...” Homer was being a selfish coward and packing to leave town with his family.
”Dad, they're firing the rocket!” said Lisa.
“All right!” Bart cheered
A missile was fired. But it flew over the comet and blew up the only bridge out of town.
“It blew up the bridge! We're doomed! It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.” Homer lamented.
“It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer!” Oscar cried.
“And like lcarus, the rocket foolishly soared too high... and lost control of its servo-guidance mechanism... leaving us with some... six hours to live. So let's go live now to the charred remains of the only bridge out of town... with Arnie Pie and "Arnie in the Sky."...” said Kent.
“With the bridge gone and the airport on the other side of the bridge... a number of citizens are attempting to jump the gorge with their cars. It's a silent testament to the never-give-up... and never-think-things-out spirit of our citizens.“ said Arnie Pye. People were during their cars over the gap where the bridge was and plunging to their doom!
”Hey look! Bart’s jumping the gorge again!” said Oscar.
Bart was skateboarding over the gorge. “Weeeeeeeee! Cowabunga-Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” He plunged to his doom. Smashing his head and breaking bones on the way down. “Ow! Oh! Ah! Sonnuva! Ow!” He landed in a heap and his skateboard hit him on the head. “D’oh!”
”Yeah but that was supposed to be me falling in the gorge by accident after stopping him at the last moment you nut!” Homer snapped. “I can survive such mishaps for some reason. Apparently when I get injured it’s funny.” Homer wondered why people thought it was funny when he got injured. “He can’t and you’ve probably just killed our son!,
Marge looked horrified by Bart falling down the gorge.
However Bart survived but was bandaged up and suspended with his arms and legs in ceiling slings lying on a hospital bed. “Ooooooooh! Why me....” He groaned.
”Ahehehehe! Bart you’ve broke every sing bone in your body! Even your tiny ear bones!” Dr Hibbert chuckled.
”Oh my special little guy! Oh!” Marge sobbed hugging Bart in his body cast.
In the Broken Dreams Children’s Ward, the boy who tried to fly like Superman was hobbling about on crutches with his leg in a cast. He was wearing a white hospital gown. Boy who tried to fly like Superman snorted to clear his sinuses as he inhaled with his big wet shiny round brown nose that looked like a clown nose.
Oscar sweated and peed his pants. Good thing I’m wearing a diaper he thought.
The Simpsons went home leaving Bart to rest in hospital until he recovers after a month or two, or until he magically through the power of lazy writing miraculously recovers in a night...
”I just think this comet is a mighty suspicious coincidence on the anniversary of 65 Million years a go’s asteroid that killed the dinosaurs... I think someone pulled that comet down with a gravity gun, or something...’ said Oscar as the Simpsons were all on the landing.
A sinister laughter rang from the attic’s open hatch. ‘Well done Sherlock...” said a nasally deep voice a bit lower pitched than Bart’s.
”Shut up freak!” Homer yelled.
”What do you mean attic mutant?” Oscar asked the voice.
”I pulled down that comet with my gravity ray.” said the attic monster. “And I have a name...”
“Quiet Hugo!” Homer snapped.
Meanwhile, Mrs Comet was nagging her husband.
”You’re always working! You never have time for me! I asked you to clean out the garage and you say “I will darling...” And would it kill ya to walk the dog...” Mrs Comet wearing hair curlers and waving a rolling pin yelled.
”One of these Mary! One of these days! Bam! Zoom! Straight to Proxima Centauri!” Mr Comet yelled. Mmmmmmm.... The Honeymooners....
Hugo watching this through his telescope in the attic winced. “Mrs comet... now really Oz...” he sighed.
The rest of the Simpsons were downstairs and Bart made a miraculous recovery and was sat in a wheelchair while they all watched the news.
”And now, the following people are gay....” said Kent. A list of names he was outing as gay scrolled down.
Homer watched obsessed.
”Homer turn it off!” Marge nagged.
”No!” said Homer watching.
Marge tried to take the remote but he played keep away with it.
”Homer why do you want to see who Kent thinks is gay?!” Marge nagged.
”I want to see if Flanders comes up...” said Homer reading the names.
”Homer! Ned isn’t gay....” Marge sighed.