Bad Uncle A spoof of Family Guy’s The Fat Guy Strangler. Featuring James Bouvier a character belonging to Erik Nikolaz. In his universe, Marge has a crazy brother with a murderous hatred of Homer. He swore he would turn atheist if his sister Marge married Homer so he was kicked out. He was then confined to an asylum after being diagnosed with Simpsonhrenia, a mental condition causing nervous breakdowns that is triggered by bad Simpson behaviour such as Homer’s embarrassing and crude behaviour or Bart’s naughtiness. He had a heart attack one thanksgiving when he screamed at Bart for ruining thanksgiving and was incarcerated for his own mental well being. But he ends up escaping...

Plot[edit | edit source]

The Simpsons are having breakfast one morning. Homer is reading a newspaper.

“Remember Homer, you have a physical this morning...” said Marge. She served Bart a plate of bacon and eggs and uh fried breakfast basically.

“Yes darling. You’ve told me a hundred times already.” said Homer. “Ah at least our marriage is solid sweetheart...” he kissed Marge.

Marge giggled and made out with her husband.

At the Griffin’s.

“Peter remember you have a physical this morning...” said Lois as she served Chris his fried breakfast.

“Yes you’ve told me a hundred times already Lois! Nag! Nag! Nag!” Peter ranted as he read his newspaper. “God I should have just married that girl I met at my bachelor party!”

“Peter, I was that girl!” said Lois.

We cut to young Lois guiding a very drunk young Peter home from the Drunken Clam.

“I can’t believe your friends just left you!” said Lois concerned for the drunk man.

“Hey lady, you’re so pretty I wann marry you tomorrow instead of Lois!” said young Peter extremely drunk.

“They’re so screwed up...” Homer chuckled as he put down his newspaper and left for his physical.

A shadow stalked the street of Evergreen Terrace...

Homer was at Dr Hibbert’s while he waited for his physical.

Meanwhile Peter did not want to go to his physical. “Brian put this on.” Peter was in the extension/random yellow lounge and had a pantomime horse costume.

“Why?” said Brian.

“Because Lois thinks I am going to my physical and I don’t want to go.” said Peter. “I’m going to the steakhouse with the boys to eat as many steaks as possible.”

A talking pantomime horse left out the front door.

“Neeeeeeigh!” The horse clearly was Peter trying to neigh.

“Kids stop letting horses into the house. We all remember that time your dad bought a brain damaged horse..” said Lois reading.

Peter was driving with Brian in his car.

“Okay I’ll say it. Why did we need the horse costume?” Brian asked.

Peter never answered as he joined his friends at the drunken clam in a steak house.

Eventually Peter had eaten so much steak he had boobs.

“Come on Joe! You’ve barely eaten one!” said Brian to Joe.

“I’m not very hungry Brian.” said Joe.

“But even that guy has had two steaks!” said Brian. We pan round to a cow. Yes a talking cannibalistic cow...

“Yes I know! I’m naughty! But I’m still ordering dessert! Oh! I think I’ll have the cheesecake!” said the gay cannibal cow.

“Um... you’re a cow...” said Peter.

“Yes. Have you noticed?” said the gay cannibal cow.

“You’re eating steak. That’s made of cow...” said Peter. “You’re eating cow.”

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” The cow was horrified.

“Come on Joe eat some more steak...” Peter tried to feed him like a baby.

“I DON’T WANT ANY MORE! I TOLD YOU I’M FULL!” Joe screamed.

“Okay! Geez!” Peter replied.

In the waiting room.

“Um okay... That Peter Griffin sure is really irresponsible... why doesn’t he like physicals?” Homer wondered.

“Because my doctor molested me during a prostate exam.” said Peter.

“No he didn’t Peter!” Brian told Peter off.

Homer sighed.

“Mr Simpson Dr Hibbert will see you now.” said a nurse.

...

At the Griffins.

“Did Peter go to his physical?” asked Lois.

“Nope.” said Oscar. “And you’re not making him go because I like letting him get his own way. Especially if his own stubbornness kills him.”

“Fine. It’s your own fault Peter if you didn’t get something important found out straight away...” said Lois.

“Yes that’s why we have wrong sounding muppets...” said Stewie.

There was a cutaway. Swedish chef sounded gay. Kermit wasn’t even trying any more and Fozzie bear had a thick black guy accent.

“Wakka wakka! Who wants to hear a funny ass joke?” asked Wrong sounding Fozzie bear.

“Okay that universe is weird.” said Homer as Hibbert took his temperature etc.

“Homer Simpson you’re in good health, just over weight. But you’re not gonna change are you? Ahehehehe!” Hibbert giggled.

Homer went home and told Marge the news.

“How was your physical?” Marge asked.

“It was fine except Dr Hibbert said I’m overweight.” said Narge.

“Hmmmmmm! Well at least you went...” said Marge sighing.

At the Griffins.

“Aaaaaaaaagh!” Peter screamed. “Lois I have a lump!”

“Peter I told you to go to your physical... now it’s your own fault you have a tumour...” said Lois.

Back at the Simpsons.

“Hmmmmm! Well I can’t believe I am saying this again but... Homer you need to go on a diet.” said Marge.

Peter bursted in as confetti and streamers and balloons went everywhere as a party was celebrated.

“Happy 200th diet you fat bastard!” Peter cheered.

“Hey shut up! At least I try to stick to my diet!” Homer yelled.

...

Homer is driving home from work when Marge rings him.

“Oh I can’t wait for dinner!” said Homer thinking he’s having something yummy for dinner.

“Homer don’t you remember?” Marge asked.

“It’s our anniversary?” Homer asked.

“No. It’s the night you start your new diet...” said Marge.

Homer whined.

“Homie please! This is serious! NASA called this afternoon to say your gravitational pull was pulling satellites out of their orbit!” said Marge.

“Honey... That was Bart making a prank phone call...” Homer sighed.

“But it comes from a loving place! Please Homer...” Marge sighed.

“Fine...” Homer sighed.

He drove through a district of fast food restaurants.

“I think I’ll miss you most of all Lard Lad... even if you do try to destroy the town ever so often...” said Homer.

Lard Lard roared like Godzilla.

Homer then decided to have one last splurge. The song Hungry like the wolf played as he ordered stupid things like a several feet long hoagie that workers of the sandwich cafe fed into him as they made it.

Then he ordered a pizza, poured fries on it and ordered a lobster. When he saw he had ordered a lobster he broke down in tears and hugged it. “Oh Pinchy!!” He sobbed before putting it in the pizza box with the fries and pizza and eating everything, box included.

Eventually Homer was full.

“Uh Uh! Can’t let Marge see all of this!” said Homer.

“Thank you!” Homer saw a Sideshow Mel bin that when you put rubbish in his mouth he said Thank you!

“Eh. It’s better than those Sideshow Bob bins we used to have...” said Krusty.

At Krustylu studios a gaffer threw away his can of coke into a Sideshow Bob effigy dustbin.

“You will die Bart Simpson!” The Sideshow Bob dustbin yelled.

Homer saw these Sideshow Mel bins.

“Ah a bin!” He put his rubbish in Sideshow Mel’s mouth.

“Thank you!” said the bin.

“Well while I’m here I might as well get rid of all this junk in my glove compartment...” Homer threw away lots of paperwork, and random junk. Then he found a corroded car battery. He read it to check how it should be exposed. “Dispose of by- Awww! This book is too long!” He put the battery in the bin. It leaked acid that burnt a gas pipe.

“I think I deserve a cigar.” Homer lit a cigar and smoked it.

“You sir are worse than Hitler!” yelled Patty and Selma’s boss.

Homer threw the match into Sideshow Mel’s mouth.

Thank you said the bin with his face.

Then a mighty explosion rocked the street as restaurants exploded.

A chilli restaurant made to resemble a volcano erupted with molten lava chilli sauce.

A pizza restaurant threw free pizzas from the explosion at people.

“Oh boy!” said Hans Moleman happily. He waited receive a pizza. A giant chunk of concrete and bricks and mortar crushed him.

Even Lard Lad was blown to bits!

“Well that’s the end of that advertising monster!” said Homer.

Homer left the carnage. Hungry like the wolf played again.

...

The town held a meeting to discuss the explosion at fast food boulevard.

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” said Mayor West. “There was a massive gas explosion at Fast Food boulevard! Causing millions of dollars in damages and putting several beloved mascots out of work!”

Mayor McCheese cried. Hehehe! Mayor McCheese... “I promised I’d stay strong!” He continues crying.

“Now now Mayor McCheese. No one likes weepy meat.” said Mayor West.

“Is this Oscar’s doing...” Bart groaned.

“No this actually happened. There were actually food mascots...” said Oscar. “Mayor McCheese! Hehehe!” He giggled at the silliness of this scene.

Homer got up on stage and delivered a passionate speech that they needed to come up with a way to repair fast Food Boulevard.

“But to do such thing we’d need a bond issue!” said Dr Hibbert.

“And to do such a thing there needs to be an election primary to debate it! And those don’t start till July!” said Quimby.

“Then we’ll hold our primary next Tuesday.” said Mayor West.

“But Mr West! If we do that we will be earlier than New Hampshire!” said Lisa.

“New Hampshire! Oooooooh! They’re gonna be cheesed!” said Mayor McCheese wiping himself with a pickle.

Oscar laughed.

“Guys don’t encourage Oscar...” Bart groaned.

“We could do that.” said Krusty. “But I say we make the man who caused this accident pay! Homer Simpson!”

Homer gasped.

“Fast food mascots! Destroy him!” Krusty yelled.

Homer screamed and ran out chased by Fast food mascots carrying weapons such as lead pipes etc.

Oscar laughed. “Oh this is gonna be cool!”

...

Homer was in town being chased by Ronald McDonald, Grimace, the Hamburglar, Colonel Saunders, the Burger King, Mayor McCheese, and the Noid etc.

Homer was cornered in an alley by Mac Tonight the moon headed guy from the mcDonalds adverts.

Homer screamed and ran away.

“This is even more horrible than that time Betty White unleashed the PBS on me!” Homer cried as the Aqua Teen Hunger Force fired lasers at him. They look like McDonalds food.

Frylock continued firing eye lasers.

“Cooooool!” Oscar watched all the carnage.

“You love carnage don’t you Oz...” said Bart.

“We have to get inside from all this madness!” said Marge.

Homer ran to church.

“Sanctuary! Sanctuary!” Homer could be held yelling.

“Oh not again...” Lovejoy sighed.

Homer shut himself in.

“Reverend you have to help me! An angry mob of fast food mascots are after me!” Homer screamed.

Kill Bill Ronald McDonald and Grimace broke through the stain glass windows.

“Give us the money!” said Ronald McDonald.

“Grimace knows where you live!” said Grimace.

Homer screamed.

Plot 2[edit | edit source]

Eventually Homer got home and his family hid as fast food mascots caused anarchy.

“This is terrible...” Marge watched the anarchy. She winced when she saw a car blow up.

“Hey look! Mayor West is killing the Noid again!” Oscar laughed.

Mayor West snapped the Noid’s neck.

“And Cookie Monster is eating Mayor McCheese...” said Bart.

Mayor McCheese lied dead as Cookie Monster ate bits of him.

“Homer be careful with that photo album! It’s valuable!” said Marge as Homer got out a photo album from the attic.

“It’s been in the attic I’m surprised the thing hasn’t been at it...” said Homer.

“Homer he’s called Hugo...” Marge sighed.

They sat in the lounge to look at old photos until the angry fast food restaurant mascots calmed down.

They looked threw the photos. Laughed at pictures of baby Bart naked on the toilet or naked riding Snowball.

Bart blushed mortified.

Then they saw a relative they had never seen before. His teal hair suggested he was a Bouvier. He was on Marge’s side of the family.

“Who’s that?” Bart asked.

Marge hmmmmmed. She didn’t want to answer.

“That’s your uncle James. My brother.” said Marge.

“You had a brother?!” Bart asked. “Was he a too cool for school prankster like me?” said Bart.

“No. In fact he hated kids who misbehaved, it drove him crazy and cost him his teaching career.” said Marge. “He had letters after his name and everything. Any degree, you name it, he had it.”

“So he was more like me?” Lisa asked.

“Sort of.” said Marge. “He also hated your father.” said Marge.

“Most of you family doesn’t like Homer.” said Oscar. “I pick up things like the snide comments.”

“To be honest Fatty and Smellma aren’t exactly subtle Oz.” said Homer.

“Hmmmmm.” Marge sighed. “That’s different. My sisters and Homer don’t get along, I know that. But James really, really hated Homer!” Marge painted another story of the prom night. Except this was the night after where Marge explained she was taking Homer back to give him a second chance.

Patty and Selma were not exactly subtle of their feelings about Homef commenting on his hygiene and haircut etc.

Clancy was disappointied. “Eh... whatever my girl wants.” He chewed a cigar.

However James was furious. He hated Homer from day one because he was a slob and he always mucked about in class and mooned people in debate club. “I can’t believe your allowing this Dad! I refuse to allow my sister to marry that disgusting oaf! Does everyone not see what’s wrong with him?!”

“Janes you don’t get to decide who I marry! I love Homer!” Marge retorted as she glared at James.

“If you marry Homer I’ll give up on God!” James yelled.

The flashback ended.

“Eventually my parents had enough of James’ tantrums they kicked him out. He went to university and then a teacher. But that was just the start of his problems.” said Marge.

“And...” Bart asked.

“Well there was that time he came round for thanksgiving before Maggie was born.” said Marge. He really screamed at you Bart for mucking about and had a heart attack. He’s been confined to a hospital ever since.”

“Hmmmmm! I can’t say I blame him for losing it with Bart. Anyone would...” said Lisa.

“Hmmmmmm.... yes dear.” said Marge.

...

Eventually the angry fast food mascots died down. They once spent all night outside the Simpsons house chanting “blood for cream! Blood for cream!” repeatedly. Homer even joined in.

“Homer! They want to kill you!” Marge explained.

“They're not the only ones Marge.” said a cloaked figure on the front lawn.

“Who are you?” Marge asked.

“I see no reason to tell you that. You’ll find out who I am soon enough. said the cloaked figure as he left as soon as he arrived.

The Simpsons were having breakfast one morning when the door bell rang.

“I wonder who that could be?” Marge asked. She got up and answered the door. Her mother was there.

“Mom what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Marge asked.

“Marge! It’s Janes. He’s escaped from Calmwood!” Jacqueline explained.

Marge gasped.

“We have to go to see Dr Hibbert. He’ll know what to do!” said Jacqueline.

Dr Hibbert explains everything.

“Ah James Bouvier... yes I have his file here. It seems the mental hospital diagnosed him with Simpsonhrenia.” said Hibbert.

“Simpsonphrenia?” Lisa asked.

“Yes it’s a mental condition like schizophrenia except triggered by bad and embarrassing behaviour from members of the Simpson family.” said Dr Hibbert.

“Amen Doc!” said Homer and he belched and farted.

“I’d like to say I’m good humoured.” Bart smirked carrying some stink bombs.

“Of course Mom must not count as this must mean only those born into the Simpsons not married.” said Lisa.

“Yes, quite so Lisa.” said Dr Hibbert. “The only other case of this condition I’ve witnessed was in Frank Grimes.” said Hibbert. “But his drove him to accidentally kill himself. Who knows what sort of state James is now in...”

“Oh great we have another Grimey on our hands...” Homer sighed.

“I can’t believe you people are taking the word of a quack who once suggested I be locked up in the attic and starved to death!” Hugo yelled.

“Quiet boy!” Homer told him off.

The Simpsons go home and wait until they here more from where James is.

They sat down to watch The Price is Right, or whatever America has instead of it.

“Now to bid the price of this Ming vase.” said the host.

“650 dollars.”

“700 dollars.”

“680 dollars.”

“Jennifer?” The host asked the lSt contestant.

“What was that last one Barry estimated?” Jennifer asked.

“680.”

“681 dollars.” said Jennifer.

“Fuck you!” Barry swore.

Then commercials were on.

It was an advertisement for a Mexican toy called a ball in a cup.

“Ball in a cup! Ball in a cup! It’s a ball in a cup!” A chorus of children sing.

“Ball in a cup!” said a black kid who sounded exactly like Timmy Turner.

“Ball in a cup!” The commercial jingle sung.

“Oh my god! Black Timmy Turner!” Oscar yelled.

“Anyway how’s family guy doing with their episode of a long lost brother?” Homer asked.

“Lois is still asking her father if she had a brother, Carter is being an ass and won’t tell her...” said Oscar. “So they had to break into his house and look through his documents...”

“Oh I remember all the trouble when the kids found out about their brother Hugo...” said Homer remembering when Bart, Lisa and Maggie found out about Hugo.

In the TV.

“Cosmo, Wanda? Why was I casted as a black kid in Family Guy?” asked Black Timmy Turner holding a ball in a cup toy.

“Uh....” Cosmo and Wanda couldn’t answer.

In the Simpsons house they heard a man muttering in the kitchen.

“Uh guys.... there’s someone in the kitchen...” Lisa explained.

“Oh my gosh!” said Marge.

“I’ll get the Defender!” said Homer fetching the breeze block on a chain.

“I swear if it’s a long lost family member...” said Oscar.

“Well it’s not me dears.” said Mona.

“Yes we know Mom.” said Homer kissing his mom.

They went in the kitchen with Homer swinging his Defender.

Marge gasped because when she turned the lights on, her estranged brother James from Erik Nikolas’s continuity was there standing with his arms crossed glaring sharply.

“Oh my gosh! James!” Marge gasped.

“Yes Marge it’s me.” said James.

“How did you get in my house?!” Homer asked.

“You should really lock your doors Homer.” said the man with teal green hair perpetually angry.

“You should mind your own business!” said a woman NPC from Star Wars The Phantom Menace PlayStation one game.

“You should really not walk into people’s houses and not announce yourself Uncle James...” said Bart.

“You shouldn’t speak until you’re spoken to!” James snapped at Bart.

“James it’s nice to see you’re okay and in one piece but I think you should leave...” said Marge.

“Don’t I get a nice cup of tea?” James Bouvier asked.

“No because you’re horrible and mean!” said Homer. “Now go back to Eric’s universe...”

Eric Nikolas grimaced and looked at Oscar while writing on a notepad.

Oscar shrugged at him.

“I travel all universes with my invention the multiverse box.” said James.

“Cooooool! A scientist!” said Hugo.

“Shut up freak!” Homer snapped at Hugo.

“No you shut up you fat prick!” James shouted at Homer. “Leave your son alone! Marge wrote me about what you’ve been doing locking that poor boy up!” James continued ranting. “I ought to report you to the authorities!! But Oscar has just told me he already had.”

“How did you know his name was Oscar...” Lisa asked.

“Because it says so on the badge he’s wearing.” said James.

“I was at a friend’s birthday party earlier.” said Oscar.

...

“So what brings you here Uncle James?” Lisa asked.

“I came to see how my little sister is doing.” said James flustered Marge was cold with him. “But I see she’s made her choice to marry that pig, Homer J Simpson... Marge as your brother I should respect your choices in life, but I can’t hide my disappointment you married him!”

“Hey, if she didn’t marry Dad none of us would ever be born!” said Bart.

“I said don’t speak until you’re spoken to!” Janes snapped at him.

“Eat my shorts.” Bart replied.

James growled frustrated.

“Hmmmmm! You’re just like Patty and Selma! You don’t like Homer...” Marge sighed.

“Like him? Like him?! Marge, I despise him!” said James. “By the way how are my twin sisters?”

“They’re coming round tomorrow.” said Marge.

Homer groaned annoyed as he hated Patty and Selma.

“Oh good, then we can all tell you how we feel about Homer!” said James sitting at the kitchen table.

“Eric I really wish you wouldn’t add nonsensical characters! I don’t actually have a brother in canon.” said Marge to Eric Nikolas.

“Hey, I think he has great ideas!” said Oscar. Eric nodded.

“Who said anything about you staying Jim?!” said Homer.

“It’s James and don’t you forget it, Fat ass!” James snapped.

“Homer!” Homer corrected him.

“Fat ass.” James insisted, goading him.

Plot 3[edit | edit source]

James stayed in the basement. This suited him as he set it up into a laboratory with materials he brought with himself somehow. Unlike his sisters he didn’t smoke but drank lots like a certain drunk scientist and his grand son. The difference was that James genuinely thought he was a paragon of virtue. Rick Sanchez knew he was an appalling father and grandfather, he didn’t care. Also James treated his nieces and Nephews better than Rick treated his grandson. Well James disliked Bart as much as he hated Homer.

Hugo and Lisa went down to the basement.

“Cooool! You turned the attic into a science lab!” Hugo cooed.

James nodded approvingly to his nephew. The one he felt sorry for.

“I suppose you’re both the two geniuses I should be proud of.” said James working on an invention.

“Yes but we get ignored because Mom and Dad are always telling Bart off for something or worrying about his low grades.” said Lisa. “And May I ask why you dislike our Dad so much?”

“I never liked him since I laid eyes on him at high school. He was a terrible role model. A pig, a slob and always disrupted lessons cracking stupid jokes. Your mother was better off with Artie Ziff. Despite his busy hands...” James replied.

“Lisa! Hugo! Your aunts Patty and Selma are here! Give them a big hug and kisses!” said Marge.

“Eeeeeew!” Hugo and Lisa groaned.

For once in his life James chuckled. “Go one, you better do as your mother tells you.” said James. They all went up to see Patty and Selma.

James was happy to see his sisters, but they were nerved by him being there.

“I was expecting a warmer welcome from my sisters. Since we all hate Homer Simpson.” said James.

“Leave me alone Jim!” Homer whined.

“It’s James you loathsome cockroach!” James yelled.

“James... you haven’t told Marge why you really were incarcerated at Calmwood...” Selma sighed.

“Because her brat of a son Bartholomew drove me to a nervous breakdown one thanksgiving?” James asked.

“No because you were put away for the murders of Stanley Simpson (The cousin who shoots birds at the airport) and Millionaire actor Simpson.” said Selma handing over a newspaper reading a headline Maniac Strikes again! Simpson hating killer claims another victim. Stanley had been garrotted. Simpson who tries to act like a millionaire had an ax put through his back.

“Aaaaaagh!” The Simpsons and Bouviers screamed.

“Okay it’s true! My Simpsonhrenia drove me to homicide! You don’t know how infuriating Homer is even being in his presence for the first time since high school!” James tried to excuse his behaviour.

“James your very sick! You need help!” Marge explained.

“Actually I exaggerated some of my insanity only because if I went to prison I’d be given the electric chair.” James explained. “But yes Simpsons drive me crazy...”

“What about the lady Simpsons like Dr Simpson? Or the CEO of a fashion label Simpson?” Lisa asked.

“Okay it’s mostly the men in the Simpson family that infuriate me...” said James.

“Oh.” said Lisa.

“And now since my secret is revealed. Yes Simpsons, I am here to put and end this parasite!! I am going to kill Homer Simpson!” James spat each word as he screamed murderously his intentions and pulled out a gun.

Homer screamed.

The Simpsons cried “Nooooooo!”

But a bullet struck his hand making him drop the gun. He froze as the shooter quickly discharged the spent casing to fire again.

“You! Who the devil are you again?!” saw the shooter was Oscar holding a gun.

“Ugh! I’m their friend Oscar. Oscar Tamaki.” said Oscar. “And no one harms the Simpsons! Well except me but not anymore...”

“Why Oscar? Doesn’t Homer’s cruelty of Hugo infuriate you?” James asked.

“Yes it does! And yes I have come close to killing him!” Oscar snapped. “But then I think how upset Marge and the kids would be if I did! My friendship with them is more important!”

Suddenly the cops arrived and arrested James.

“James Bouvier you are under arrest for the murders of Stanley Simpson and Acts like a millionaire Simpson.” said Wiggum.

“You moron! You’ve already charged me for those crimes!” Janes snapped.

“You just waved your right to silence...” said Wiggum taking him away.

“I’ll be back Simpson’s! I swear I will! And when I do return Homer will die! GaHahahahaha! Oh great now I look like a maniac...” James ranted and laughed maniacally as he was taken away by the cops.

“And you better deactivate my black hole generator in the basement! Hahahahaha!” James added.

“Black hole generator?!” Oscar asked.

They hurried to the basement. In there was a machine set to malfunction and create a black hole.

“Well that doohickey is beyond any of us.” said Marge.

“Except me.” said Hugo. “I think I can see what’s making this machine go gaga...”

“Hehehe! Gaga...” Homer chuckled.

Hugo got to work shutting down the machine.

Oscar read some papers Janes left behind.

“It says here James was the most handsome boy in high school. Yeah right...” said Oscar in disbelief. “Ugh! And his favourite film is Superman III, especially the bit with the evil computer! I hate that bit! It frightens me!”

“Oz can you keep quiet just for a sec. this is very delicate work...” said Hugo.

“Why a black hole? Why not a white hole?” Bart asked.

“There’s no such thing...” Lisa sighed.

Erik pushed a button deliberately.

“Erik no!” Oscar whined.

The machine transported them across Treehouse of Horror episodes from his timeline.

First they arrived in Heck House with a younger James. During the night the house called for the Simpsons to kill each other.

“Lisa... Lisa... the carving knife Lisa...”

Lisa brainwashed took a carving knife from a nightstand.

Bart was told by the house to get the cleaver. Which he did.

Maggie was brandishing a small knife.

Homer had a hatchet. Mmmmmm Shining Homer...

In Erik’s continuity James already was up carrying a battle axe.

“Hey I haven’t brainwashed you yet!” said the house.

“Oh you don’t need to eerie voice. I want to kill the Simpsons anyway!” said James smiling murderously.

Then they arrived in Treehouse of Horror II. First the Monkey Paw aka Lisa’s Nightmare.

James used the Monkey Paw to wish for a castle to live in. He got a nice castle next to Ned’s house. James was over joyed and eagerly wanted another wish.

“Hey no fair! We take turns! It’s my go!” said Bart trying to take the monkey paw.

“Insolent brat!” James snapped. “I wish the Simpsons would go away!”

A black hole appeared and took all the Simpsons. Including to his horror, Marge and Lisa.

“Nooooo! My dear sister! My genius niece! Plus I need her for one of my many evil plans to kill Homer...” James lamented.

Then the Simpsons arrived in Bart’s nightmare based on that one episode of the Twilight Zone.

Bart with psychic powers to turn people into freaks was told off for not eating his broccoli.

“Eat your broccoli you brat!” Janes scolded him.

Bart angry used his powers to turn James into a walking head on four legs.

“That shoots tendrils out of his scalp like that freaky bit from the Mask cartoon where Dr Praetorius turns into a monster from the Mask’s power!” said Oscar.

“No Oz!” Bart whined. James as a green walking head shot tendrils out of his scalp when it pealed open like a Saibaman’s head from Dragon Ball Z. The tendrils wrapped round Bart like Freddy Krueger Willie’s tongue round Martin in Treehouse of Horror VI. Bart grunted and struggled as he was pulled by the tendrils towards James as a walking head.

Then in Homer’s nightmare Mr Burns’s head was attached to James instead.

“This is despicable...” James griped.

Homer sighed with relief.

In treehouse of Horror 13’s The island of Dr Hibbert.

Dr Hibbert turned James into a hippopotamus. Like he did with Judge Snyder.

“Someone really had nothing better to do than point out all the man-animal Springfielders...” Judge Snyder as a hippopotamus sighed.

In Treehouse of Horror XVI the witch turning everyone into their costumes turned James into a toilet brush.

“I wasn’t even wearing a costume!” James whined. “Because I don’t celebrate Halloween!”

In Treehouse of Horror XXIII’s Black Hole story the black hole swallowed James with everyone else but spat him out back in Springfield with a disgusted “Bleh!”

“What ya mean bleh?!” James yelled offended the black hole didn’t want to eat him. He was stuck alone in Springfield with Maggie.

Then they went to Treehouse of Horror XII House of Whacks.

“Well it feels great to be out of that asylum and with my family instead of surrounded by chronic masturbators.” said James as Pierce Brosnan as Ultrahouse attended to their every needs. Right now he had made tea for the Simpsons.

“Those people are disgusting.” said Marge.

“Hey!” Oscar yelled while reading very explicit hentai.

In Hex and the City James was made hairy with teal hair all over him from the gypsy curse.

Homer had just strangled Bart and made his neck stretchy from the curse because he said they show sell mom to the circus for being blue and furry.

Homer saw James with a similar ailment from the curse to Marge’s. He was covered in teal hair. Homer laughed hysterically.

“Shut up!” James snapped.

“Well could be worse.” said Oscar affected by the curse somehow.

“How Oz?” Lisa with horse legs asked.

“Could have upset that gay fortune teller from Space Jam like Will Smith did when he made a cameo in Fresh Prince of Bel Air...” said Oscar.

“Oz that was a woman!” Lisa whined.

“No, that fortune teller was a fat effeminate gay man...” said Oscar.

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