Bad Dog! Is the eleventh episode of the second season of my fanon. Santa's little helper is misbehaving lately such as eating Homer's food, digging up neighbor's lawns and destroying treasured family artefacts. Meanwhile Homer steals a giant cookie from the mall.
Santa's little helper and Homer fight over the newspaper one morning.
“Bad dog! Bad Santa’s Little Helper! Let go! No not the sports section!” Homer scolded the dog who was growling and tugging at the newspaper.
“You’re having newspaper problems too?!” Abe asked his son. He was busy fighting Jasper over a newspaper. “Let go off that! Oh! You rotten old codger!”
“Gimme that!” Homer snatches the newspaper from Jasper. “If you two old geezers can’t be nice to one another you can go home!”
“We’re Sorry...” said Abe and Jasper.
Homer eventually yanks his newspaper from the dog ripping part of it.
Homer ends up with a torn newspaper with a hole in it.
"Wow! It's like that scene from Lady and the Tramp..." said Oscar mentioning when Lady rips Jim Dear's newspaper trying to take it in through the dogflap.
"Shut up boy..." Homer responds. Like Jim he is using the newspaper hole to dip his donut in his coffee as we see his hand poke through the newspaper hole.
Homer then takes the dog out for a walk to calm him down. During the walk he meets Flanders who has some new fancy sneakers.
"Woooo!" Homer is interested in them.
"Assassins sneakers, Homer. Can't go jogging without them! See you later neighborino!" said Ned.
Meanwhile Lisa is too sick to go to school as she has mumps.
“Lisa wake up. It’s time for school- Oh my Lord!” Marge sees that Lisa has puffy cheeks from the mumps. “Lisa you are very poorly! I’m afraid you won’t be going to school today!”
Lisa protests that she’s fine despite being sick with the mumps. But Marge insists she is too sick today. Lisa sighed.
The dog wants Homer’s breakfast. “No! No! That is Homer’s food! That is yours!” Homer was explaining to the dog. However the dog just hears gibberish and sees everything in greys.
Marge is upstairs checking Lisa’s temperature etc.
“Maaaaaarge... the dog is hungry...” said Homer.
“Then feed him...” Marge replied in a similar rhythm.
“Yes master...” said Homer.
He goes to the kitchen to find the dog eating his breakfast. “D’oh!”
He ties Santa’s little Helper up outside. Santa’s little Helper digs a big hole and digs up a Krusty doll he buried there some time ago.
“You’re my best friend! Hooahahaha! You’re my best friend! Hooahahaha!” the doll says repeatedly.
From Santa’s little Helper’s grayscale sight we hear Krusty say gibberish.
Santa’s little Helper then attacks the doll violently and shakes it about.
“No Boy! No! Put down Krusty now!” Bart yelled trying to pull the doll from his dog’s mouth. “Let go!”
“Bart stop playing with the dog and have your breakfast! It’s school today!” Homer yelled.
Bart is annoyed Lisa gets to stay at home sick.
“She’s faking it! If she gets to stay at home I wanna stay at home.
“If Bart stays home, I’m going to school...” Lisa groans.
“Bart you’re not sick so you can’t stay at home! Here’s your lunch now be good!” Marge explains to Bart and sends him to school.
Lisa asks him to fetch her homework, but Bart explains she gets homework off for being ill and not to ruin her time off. He mentions she wasted a previous sick day when she contracted chickenpox by doing homework.
Marge tries to ring the school to explain Lisa is sick however Lisa is desperate to go in. However Marge manages to insist Lisa will have to have the day off. And see Doctor Hibbert.
Bart gets on the school bus and engages in some friendly banter with Otto.
“Hey Otto man! Rocking out?” Bart asks Otto.
“Yeah Dude! I am digging this Black Sabbath album!” said Otto listening to music. “Hey look a dog thinks he is coming to school!”
Santa’s Little Helper tried to follow Bart on the school bus. “Boy you can’t come to school with me! Go home! Go home!”
In Santa’s Little Helper’s point of view everything is in grey scale film and Bart is speaking gibberish.
Eventually Santa’s Little Helper backs away so Otto can shut the bus doors and drive away,
At the mall Homer considered buying the sneakers Ned was wearing.
He only did so after Ned in a thinking cloud kept pestering him by saying "Oh go Spoil yourself! Spoil yourself! Spoil yourself!"
Well um..." Homer pondered.
"Gosh darnily darn it Homer! Buy those sneakers now!" Ned yelled.
"Okay okay! Sheesh!" said Homer. He bought them.
Then he sees free cookies being given out. The sample lady offers to sell him a full sized cookie, but he is angry that it is not as big as the giant cookie that's part of the display. She tries to explain it's just a prop, but he wants the giant cookie. Later after the mall closes Homer breaks in and steals the giant cookie.
At home he is eating the giant cookie.
"Homer where did you get that?" asks Marge.
"I uh, aquired it legally you can be sure of that." Homer replies while eating some cookie.
At the Hibbert family surgery we see everything from inside Lisa's mouth! Dr Hibbert is examining her mouth.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah..." said Lisa.
"Hmmm, it seems you have indeed contracted the mumps, Lisa." Dr Hibbert explained. He prescribed medication and explained that unfortunately she would be off school for a while. A week.
Lisa sighed. “Oh no! I don’t want to fall behind!”
“How very responsible Lisa. Pray, what are your subjects at school at the moment?” Dr Hibbert asked.
“Well right now I’m learning arithmetic.” said Lisa.
“Oh don’t worry Lisa, very soon you’ll be amongst your friends learning about polygons and Euclidean algorithms in no time! Ahehehehe!” said Dr Hibbert.
“I prefer non-Euclidean algorithms! Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagh!” said Oscar worshipping Cthulhu.
“Oscar stop being silly...” Marge sighed.
Elsewhere Marge is downstairs with Lisa in the lounge teaching her how to sew. She shows her the Bouvier family heirloom. A blanket that has been passed down by generations and customised with pictures. There is for example a piece done by Patty and Selma when they were young and one by Grandma Jacqueline of a civil war soldier fighting another. Lisa does a piece of her strict music teacher, Mr Largo and her favourite jazz musician Bleeding Gums Murphy. She compares how Largo shut down her creativity and love for jazz and how Bleeding Gums Murphy encouraged her.
"Hmmmm! Lisa I'd prefer if you had a little respect for your teachers please..." Marge sighed. "And stop mentioning that stranger I found you with one night. You know how I feel about strangers..."
"Mom he's a famous Jazz musician." said Lisa.
"Sure he is Lisa... sure he is." Marge sighed.
Lisa then pricked her finger. "Ow!”
"Sweetie let me show you how I avoid prickling myself. Marge uh burnt her finger with a fire lighter until there was a sooty mark of carbon. "That is called a sewing finger.
"Eeeeew!" Lisa groaned.
One evening Homer is out late exercising in his new sneakers. He goes past the Winfields. They laugh and poke fun at him.
"Yeah run fat man! Run!" said Mr Winfield.
"Shut up old timer..." Homer replied.
The following afternoon Lisa is watching a documentary on Bleeding Gums Murphy. He is on the Cosby show as a Grampa to the Huxtables.
"But we have three Grampas already!" said the youngest daughter.
"Well this one is a jazz musician! Koochachoo! (Dances like a chicken) Zip zop boobity bop!" said Bill Cosby.
"They're all jazz musicians..." said the daughter.
"Ya see, the kids don't listen to jazz. They listen to the hip hop that gives them the brain damage! They're hipping and they're hopping! So they don't know what the jazz is!" said Bill Cosby. "Jazz is like pudding. No wait. It's more like Kodiak film. No actually it's more like New Cola. It'll be round forever! Ahahahaha!"
Bleeding Gums Murphy was confused by the show and just stood there wondering what he was doing with his life.
"See Mom. Bleeding Gums Murphy is famous. See?" Lisa gloats.
"Lisa, no one likes a gloater." said Marge. "Ain't that right Homer?"
Homer is trying to get the dog to sit. "Yeah sure honey."
"See?" Marge gloated.
Some time later while sewing their Bouvier blanket they were watching an erotic movie drama... um...
A man and a lady in a red dress were drinking cocktails then making out.
“Oh John you are always so uncouth!” the lady scolded him for being chauvinistic and full of himself.
“Shut up baby, you know you love it when I’m like that!” said the man and they made out. Then the lady undid her dress.
“Errrr... Mom should I really be watching this?!” Lisa grimaced.
“Now Matt seriously?!” Marge asked the fourth wall.
Seriously I have no idea why they are watching such a programme together.
“Mmmmm! I never realised this programme was so explicit. I just tend to casually dip in and out of it. I’m actually just trying see the ending of where Betty is locked in a log cabin.” said Marge as Lisa covers her eyes because of the explicit programme.
Bart comes in. “Hohoho! Baby!” He is slightly aroused but not to the extent Oscar is.
“Bart cover your eyes!” Marge told him not to watch.
Then in the programme while the man and lady made out a vicar stumbled in the apartment the horny couple are in.
“Father McGrath! I thought you were dead!” The lady who was red dress until she got rather frisky gasped.
“I was!” said the injured vicar who apparently was dead. Maybe he’s a zombie now? A really intelligent talking zombie?
At lunch Homer tells Santa's Little Helper not to touch his sausages and mash lunch.
"Marge! The dog is hungry!" yells Homer.
"Then feed him!" said Marge in a sing song voice.
"Yes master..." Homer says sarcastically as he gets up from his lunch to feed the dog.
However the dog eats Homer's lunch. Homer gets cross with the dog and chains him up outside.
Lisa is sick in bed with mumps. She’s trying to rest.
Oscar takes a photo of her with his mobile phone and snickers. He sends it to Bart.
Bart laughs and texts it to someone.
Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes hears a jingle from his phone. He looks at it and laughs. “Ha!”
The dog then gets at Homer’s new assassins sneakers. The family then go into Marge's room to see the Bouvier blanket to see Lisa's mural only to find the dog has torn it to shreads.
"My grandmother's blanket! Seven generations of hard work! Ruined!" Marge cries.
They are deeply upset. Homer tries to comfort them only to find bits of his new sneakers and cookie pieces. He demands a family meeting.
"But we've never had a family meeting." said Bart.
"We've never had a family emergency. Now get your butt downstairs to the kitchen! Smart ass!" Homer growled.
Homer demands they get rid of Santa's little helper. Bart and Lisa protest.
"I'm the grown up and I say he goes!"
"Moooom!" The kids whine.
"Homer! We're not getting rid of the dog!" says Marge.
"However. He'll need to go to obedience school. He can't keep breaking everything." said Marge.
“Then it’s settled. Boy, Your dog can stay if and only if you take him to dog obedience school and he graduates.” said Homer.
Bart sighed. “Why do I have to take him?”
“Wh it’ll give you a sub plot...” said Homer.
The next week Bart takes Santa's little helper to obedience school. However on the first task he eats the beef wellington despite dragging Bart with him.
The cruel teacher. Believe me in canon she’s cruel and sarcastic. Puts down a beef Wellington on a plate on the floor. Santa’s little Helper immediately runs for the yummy beef Wellington to eat it. Dragging Bart along the way.
“No boy! No!” Bart whines as his dragged on his stomach along the carpet by Santa’s little Helper. Santa’s little Helper eats the beef Wellington.
“Too bad Bart. Have a candy.” The cruel teacher gives him a candy. Santa’s little Helper eats the candy. Bart frowns at him.
After dog school Bart is playing frisbee with Santa's Little Helper. Then at dinner he feeds Santa some of his dinner.
"That's it! I will not sit idly while you feed a starving dog! Go to your room!" Homer yells at him.
At class Santa's Little Helper eats Bart's candy again.
Bart is then speaking with the other dog owners. There is Kerney with his bulldog. The bulldog keeps eating sausages during restraint sessions to make your dog wait until you allow them to eat or to teach them not to immediately go for food.
“No Rex...” Kerney sighed as his bulldog ate a sausage.
“American Pitbulls are more common as a bully dog in the states...” said Bart to the fourth wall.
Fine his dog is suddenly an American pit bull...
The was a girl with a poodle, a lady with an Afghan hound...
Then to Bart’s exasperation Mr Bean brought his teddy bear, Teddy. He brought a lifeless soft toy to a dog obedience school...
Then Oscar brought Teddy, his teddy bear creature monster pet on a leash.
Teddy, Oscar’s Teddy. Thought it was funny MR bean, a grown man had a teddy bear and that that his Teddy wasn’t the slightest bit interested in the beef Wellington or sausages and other treats used to tempt the dogs. Teddy shrugged and ate the sausage on a plate he was sniffing with his big wet shiny black nose.
“Teddy...” Oscar sighed.
The teacher suggests some one to one classes. Late one night she gives Santa's little helper a choke chain and coaxes Bart into using it to physically discipline his dog. Bart is reluctant to so she shouts at him.
“PULL THE BLOODY CHAIN BOY!!”
This riles Oscar who shoots her.
"Oscar!" Bart yells.
"What?" Oscar asks as if he had done nothing wrong.
Santa's little helper is tied up in the yard. However he breaks free and Homer receives an angry phone call from the Winfields living in the brown house that his dog is digging up their garden.
“That is not my dog! I have tied up my dog in my back yard! I am getting up to look at him right noooooow!” He yells D’oh as Santa’s Little Helper had escaped.
The next day Homer tries again, but Santa's little helper escapes again and goes wandering around town and eats things such as a beetle and Apu's beef jerky.
“No! You naughty creature! I hope you reincarnate as a beetle! Good day and come again!” said Apu shooing Santa’s little Helper out of his shop.
Lisa is still recovering from the mumps. She had her lollipop from the doctor's. Santa's Little Helper was staring hungrily at it.
"No Boy, it's my lollipop. My lollipop." Lisa explained however from Santa's Little Helper's point of view he just heard gibberish. He scared the cat trying to get Lisa's lollipop. She hissed and jumped on Lisa.
"No boy! Sit! Sit!" Lisa tried telling Santa's Little Helper off but had a sore throat from her mumps.
Then Eric Cartman appeared. "Babe you are doing it wrong. You've got to assert your authority (Authoritah) just like I do with Mr Kitty. When he's bad I say That's a bad Mr Kitty! And I smack him on the head!"
Lisa was horrified. "That's horrible!"
"Hey bitch, don't like, don't ask for my help..." said Cartman.
The night before the final exam Bart tries to get Santa's little helper to listen because if he fails he'll have to give him up. Santa's little helper won't listen so Bart cries. Santa's little helper finally hears Bart say sit and listens. A joyful Bart manages to get him to perform tricks. On the day of the final exam he passes.