Simpsons Fanon

At Long Last Peas one day Marge has a breakdown while driving the kids about so Homer takes her to the health spa with Troy McClue introduction videos for new guests and R rated Happy Little Elves! Woohoo! Meanwhile Bart and Lisa have to stay at Aunt Patty and Selma’s. Maggie causes utter chaos at the Ayn Rand Nursery when she comes to blows with her arch nemesis Ms Sinclair.


The chalkboard gag is “I will not spank others.” Bart then spanks Oscar’s butt. He yelps. Then he spanks Milhouse’s butt.

“Ow! Quit it Bart!” Milhouse whines.

“What? It’s spanking season...” said Bart.

The couch gag is the Simpsons forming a human pyramid on the couch

The episode starts with Homer chasing Bart angrily aka Wile Coyote chasing Roadrunner.

“Meep Meep!” said Bart running like a cartoon.

“Why you little!” Homer yelled chasing him. Homer was only dressed in a vest and his underwear.

In the silly chase Homer knocked over a lamp and it smashed.

Marge came out from the kitchen to see the smashed lamp. “I am not cleaning that up!” she insisted. “Oh what the heck...” she cleaned it up.

Then she fed Maggie her morning milk but Maggie would not let go of her pacifier.

“Maggie when you’re older you can suck your pacifier all you want.” Marge sighed. She managed to take Maggie’s pacifier from her to feed her. Maggie sucked on her bottle of warm milk while Marge changed her diaper.

Maggie then burped loudly and farted, messing her new clean diaper in the process while being burped.

Marge then made the kid’s lunches. “Ham with pimentos for Lisa, light mayo. Extra mustard for Bart, cut diagonally. PBJ with cartoon Otter ham slices for Oscar, no crusts. Fish sandwich for the attic...“

The kids and Homer ran in yelling all at once. Some of the things made out of the babbling were,

“I hate pimentos Mom! And I’m vegetarian now!” from Lisa.

“Mom where’s my lucky red baseball cap?” said Bart in the noisy chorus of yelling.

Oscar sang the PB and J Otter Noodle dance song.

“Marge can I have two sandwiches, one with baloney and one with pickles...” said Homer.

Hugo clonked his fish bucket against the kitchen cupboards.

“One at a time! One at a time!” Marge shouted at them.

They paused but started yelling all at once again. Lisa about pimentos, Bart about his hat, Oscar singing the noodle dance song...

“Okay no pimentos Lisa. There, all gone! Sorry I forgot you’re vegetarian you’ll just have to grin and bare it today sweetie!” Marge pushed out the pimentos from Lisa’s ham. “Bart, your lucky red cap is behind the radiator like I told you! Oscar stop singing annoying songs! Homer no you cannot have two sandwiches and we do have any baloney.”

Everyone sighed and took their lunches.

Hugo clonked his fish bucket.

“Hugo no more fish heads until lunch time!” Marge told Hugo off.

“Narrator wait until season eight please!” Homer groaned as he dragged Hugo by his shirt collar upstairs.


Later Marge had her hands full, literally. She was carrying Maggie, a shopping bag and a cat carrier with Snowball II inside meowing and clawing to get out.

“Videos to return to the video rental store, groceries, take Snowball II to have her flea dip... Dry cleaning.”

The family bothered her again.

“Marge can you take my bowling ball to the repair man, a bottle cap got stuck in the finger holes...” Homer groaned.

“Can’t you use the alley balls?” Marge sighed.

“Alley balls?!” Homer whined.

“Fine... put Homer in my bag...” Marge sighed.

“Hehehe! You’re named after me!” Homer said to his bowling ball Homer and put it in Marge’s bag. She visibly felt the weight as her arm stretched.

“Kids you’ll be late for the bus! Hurry up!” said Marge.

“We won’t...” said Bart as Otto’s bus pulled up. It soon left without the Simpson kids.

Marge grumbled annoyed.

She had to drive the kids to school.

“Awwwwww! Snowball II is in her carrying crate! How cute!” Lisa cooed. Snowball II hissed and screeched in her cat carrying crate.

Bart made silly faces at Lisa.

“Mom! Bart’s making faces at me!” Lisa whined.

“It’s a nervous tick and I’d rather you show some sympathy Lis!” Bart replied. Then he made more silly faces.

“Quit it! Quit it! Quit it! Mooooooom!” Lisa yelled.

Marge stopped the car all of a sudden.

“Get out!” she snarled in a demonic voice with red pupils.

Bart and Lisa frightened obeyed her immediately and got out. Marge drove off.


The next day.

Like in Some enchanted evening, Marge was in a better mood that morning and was singing and kissed Maggie as she ate her baby food. Then there was a stampede as Homer and the kids ran down for breakfast.

Bart was wearing a green Ed from Ed, Ed and Eddy jacket he has never worn before and was drinking milk straight out of the carton.

“Bart don’t drink straight out of the carton! And where did you get that jacket?” Marge asked.

“Um you bought it for me that one time.” said Bart.

There was a single donut left in the donut box. Mmmmm! Donuts...

Bart and Lisa started fighting over the donut.

“It’s mine!”

“No I saw it first!”


“No mine!”



They ripped the box and the donut went flying. It bounced off Homer’s head and landed on his plate.

“Ooooooh! Donut!” He said with joy and ate it.

Marge asked the kids to take their dietary lunches she made for them trying to learn that Lisa was vegetarian from now on.

“Don’t worry Mom! We have lunch money!” Bart and Lisa have money.

Marge sighs as they left.

She wanted a kiss from her hubby. But Homer just drank her morning coffee and left.

Marge sighed.


That evening.

Marge has spent the day on the phone to Dr Marvin Monroe for advice. He suggested she dump Homer and leave him and the kids and go on a wild Thelma and Louise style trip on the run from the law.

Marge sighed at his zany suggestions and imagined telephone monsters with snarling mouths and demonic versions of Homer and the kids with flames for hair saying “One of us! One of us!” repeatedly.

“Mom, how about making some grub? It’s eight o clock...” said Bart holding a plate with his sisters and their friend Oscar not far behind.

Marge roared like a demon at them.

The kids screamed and ran away.


The next day.

Marge was even more annoyed and had yet another bad day.

Homer broke another lamp while chasing Bart. Maggie was reluctant to feed as she just would not let go of her pacifier.

Then while making lunches.

“I hate pimentos Mom!”

“Mom where’s my Lucky red Hat?”

Oscar sung the noodle dance song from PB and J Otter.

“Marge I split my pants!”

Hugo clonked his fish bucket about for attention.

“Mom I can’t eat meat!”

“Mom I have a teat today! Can I stay at home sick?”

“Oh can I have two sandwiches darling?”

More singing from Oscar and Hugo clonking his fish bucket.

“Enough!!” Marge screamed.

The family were shocked by her outburst and dared not say a word.

“Lisa no pimento. Bart your cap is where you left it. Behind the toilet. And no you can’t stay at home to avoid a test! Homer I’ll repair your pants but we have no baloney!” Marge explained. “Oscar no singing that annoying song, Hugo you just had breakfast...”

The Simpsons accepted this and went to school, work etc.


However the final straw was while Marge took Maggie with her to the shops. Marge was in a traffic jam on Springfield Memorial bridge. Called that in Memory of Homer who in one alternative timeline actually committed suicide in Homer’s Odyssey. An alternate Marge was still to this day weeping for her lost Homie.

“Oh Homie!” the alternate Marge cried.

In the main timeline though Marge was in the car when Maggie pulled the lid off of her milk bottle and splashed Milk all over Marge.

“Noooooooo!” Marge screamed and had a nervous break down. She parked her car and held up the traffic.

A tucker got out of his truck to ask her to move.

“Um excuse me ma’am.”

Marge roared at him like a lioness.

The trucker frightened ran away.

Very soon Marge was on the news.

“This is Kent Brockman in the sky with Arnie Pye to give you the latest- Arnie what are you doing?! Stay on the controls!” The news chopper lost control and spun about.

“I dropped my bagel Kent!” said Arnie Pye.

The news helicopter crashed in a fireball. Possibly killing the both of them.

Homer was mortified that Marge was so upset. And that the police had to get involved.

He drove himself from Moe’s to meet Marge and apologise to her for mistreating her.

“Marge I am so sorry! I promise I and the kids will treat you better. Will you please come out of the car?” asked Homer.

“Yes dear.” Marge came out of her car.

Marge accepted his apology and they hugged.

“Okay Marge. You’re under arrest.” said Wiggum.

“Why?” Homer asked astonished.

“For holding up traffic!” said Wiggum.

“She was stressed!” Homer yelled.

“That’s not an excuse.” said Wiggum. “Take her away boys.”

Plot 2[]

However Mayor Quimby got into an argument with Wiggum over him arresting Marge.

“Wiggum! I am depending on the female voters this election! Release Marge from custody!” said Quimby.

“No way! I’m not just releasing someone so you can win an election!”

“If I fall, you’re breaking my fall!” Quimby argued.

“Quimby, don’t write checks your butt can’t cash!” said Wiggum.

In a very silly cutaway.

Mayor Quimby controlled by his butt which had its own sentience walked backwards towards a bank cashier.

“Um...” said the cashier looking at Quimby’s behind.

“I er wish to cash a check under the name of Mayor Joe Diamond Quimby’s butt!” said Quimby.

“I can speak for myself.” said his butt voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.

“I see...” said the Bank cashier.

Back in reality.

“Here me Wiggum! If you bite me, I’ll bite you back!” continued the argument.

“You can talk the talk Quimby, but can you walk the walk?” said Wiggum.

“Everyone just shut up already!” yelled Quimby’s butt.

“Wiggum!! Marge is well beloved by the women of Springfield! Did you forget this?!” Quimby pointed to the statue of Jimmy Carter, who Squeaky Voiced Teen thought was history’s greatest monster, had been after Marge’s spell in jail for shoplifting had been given a Marge Simpson hairdo in her honour.

“Fine release Marge Simpson.” Wiggum sighed.

“And hurry! Before all the women riot!” said Quimby.

Outside the jail women were chanting “Free Marge Simpson! Free Marge Simpson!”

Marge was freed into her waiting husband’s arms.

“Oh Marge! I’ve missed you!” Homer hugged her.

“Homer I’ve been in custody for only a few hours...” said Marge.

“Marge. I promise that the kids and myself will treat you better!” said Homer.

That night Homer just went to sleep snoring loudly.

Marge sighed and watched a commercial for a Spanish themed health spa called Rancho Relaxo. Founded by Cortez when the Spanish Conquistadors slaughtered the Aztecs, the Incas and the Mayans.

Marge wanted to go there because it looked lovely. Despite a still alive Spanish conquistador swimming in the pool.

The next morning she was rushing about a shop buying groceries.

“Fruit leather.” Mmmmmmmm! Fruit leather... chewy... “Tree fresh imitation orange drink... Krusty brand duck sausage pizza.” What the hell?!

At home Bart was listening to the radio until Dad whom he calls Homer got home.

Bill and Marty were on the radio they were calling a Mr Sherman. No not that Mr Sherman...

“Mr Justin Sherman.” said Bill.

“Yes?” said Mr Sherman presumably.

“Your wife is dead.”

“Oh my god?! Nooooo!”

“She just walked through a pane of glass. There’s blood everywhere!” said Bill.

“But I just spoke to her!”

“Hmmmmm! This is a horrible radio programme!” said Lisa turning over the radio.

“It’s the Dr Demento show! (Insane laughter) wipe out...” Surfer music plays loudly.

Bart screams. “Nyaaaaaaagh! Dr Demento!” He quickly switches the radio to easy listening.

However Homer wasn’t coming down as he already got up very early to annoy Kent while he was driving the news truck as Genie.

Genie was pushing buttons randomly.

“Mr Genie! Stop fiddling with the buttons!” Kent told Genie off.

“Oh great now you’ve got chocolate everywhere!” said Arnie. All of this was heard as Bart surfs the radio frequencies.

“When there’s no context to go with a script you’ll think up anything Narrator...” Bart sighed.


Genie Homer eventually came home and turned back into Homer.

“That was fun being blue and magical...” said Homer.

Marge got home with her shopping and Maggie.

“Homer.” Marge called him but he didn’t immediately respond. “Homer...”

“Yes dear?” Homer asked her.

“I want to go on a vacation.” said Marge.

“But Marge! We just went on a vacation! Remember Mystic Caverns?”

There was a noodle incident in a cavern with crystals where Bart once again caused trouble and Homer suffered some kind of mishap. Basically it involved Homer getting trapped in a crystal.

“You know what it’s like like with those three monsters in the back, Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” said Homer. “And stinky pants pooping her diapers.”

“Homer I meant just us two. At Rancho Relaxo.” said Marge.

“Oh! Marge you saucy thing! Prrrrrrrr!” Homer purred.

Marge giggled. “But we’ll need a babysitter for the kids.”


“Thanks for having the kids Patty and Selma!” said Marge to her sisters as Bart and Lisa clung to Homer’s legs and would not let go.

He grunted frustrated as he tried to pry them off.

Eventually he must have because they were absent when he tried to take Maggie but she grabbed the door frame of the front door.

“D’oh!” Homer whined muttering frustrated to Maggie to let go of the door.

“If she won’t leave the house maybe we can have Grampa over to look after her.” said Marge.

“Oh no! Not after last time!” said Homer. Presumably Abe caused some sort of mishap.

Homer managed to get Maggie and a large fragment of purple painted wood from the door way to Ayn Rand Nursery for tots. Ran by Mrs Sinclair.

“Uh thank you Mrs Sinclair. Um sorry about the wood from my doorframe. Maggie would not let go of it...” said Marge.

“That’s okay Mr Simpson. We all have to let go of things sometime.” Mrs Sinclair glared at Maggie as she took her. “So we meet again Maggie... I won’t be so easy to fool.”

“Ahem what about me?” Oscar asked. “You’re not leaving me home alone are you?”

“Sure why not? And you won’t be alone! You have your friend in the attic to keep you company.” said Homer. “And you can booby trap the house against intruders like that movie...”

Marge sighed.

“Coooool!” said Oscar.


Homer and Marge left Oscar and Hugo home alone.

“How often should I feed Hugo?” Oscar asked.

“Whenever he is hungry.” said Marge.

“How often should I change his diaper?” Oscar asked.

“You’ll smell when he needs changing.” said Homer.

“How do I use the pressure cooker?” Oscar asked.

“You don’t!” said Marge. They said their goodbyes and left.

Part of of their journey was on a train through Shelbyville.

“Boooooo!” Homer jeered out the window at the Shelbyville people.

“Oh boo yourself!” said Shelby’s Dad.

Then they went through a desert with cacti and buffalo skeletons.

Hen they arrived at Rancho Relaxo.

They booked in and immediately Homer went to sleep on the bed.

Marge sighed.


At Patty and Selma’s Bart and Lisa had tongue sandwiches and glasses of Clamato juice for lunch. Yeeeeuck.

“Bart you’re not eating your tongue sandwich! Are you thirsty?” Selma asked Bart.

“Who wants more Clamato juice?” Patty asked.

“Naaah...” said Bart and Lisa.

“We also have Diet Mr Pibb and Soy milk.” said Selma.

Lisa brightened up.

“It it is a nightmare to get Mom to consider buying soy milk Aunt Selma. She says milk isn’t milk if it doesn’t come from a cow...” said Lisa.

“I was thinking of hitting the hay and getting an early night Aunt Patty.” said Bart.

“It’s only 12 in the afternoon...” said Patty.

“I’m aware of what time it is...” said Bart.

“Tell you what kids. We’ll watch one of our holiday slideshows!” said Selma.

Bart and Lisa shivered in disgust.

At Rancho Relaxo Marge watched the tour guide tape to explain what was available there as entertainment. The tape was hosted by Troy McClure.

He got out of a mud bath and had to be cleaned up from the mud.

“Hi! I’m Troy McClure! You may remember from such things as Today we kill, Tomorrow we die. And Gladys the groovy mule!” Those are hilarious films Troy! XD!

“But today you see me in my most glamorous role! Your tour guide to Rancho Relaxo!” Troy babbbled one until we get to the fun part. The night’s selection of R rated movies! “Thelma and Louise. The Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggle Duck.” Yes the Happy Little Elves! XD! “And The Erotic Awakenings of S.”

“Oh my gosh! The Happy Little Elves is R rated!” Oscar yelled laughing hysterically.

“Hey you’re not in this scene! Go home!” Homer told him to go back to Evergreen Terrace.

“Homer...” Marge told him not to be mean to Oscar. “Oz I am not watching Happy Little Elves at two in the morning during Er snuggle time. It wouldn’t be very romantic.” Um well someone thought the movie was explicit somewhere. “And why in the name of sanity is a Happy Little Elves movie R rated?!”

“Um... maybe there’s nudity in it?” Oscar asked.


At Patty and Selma’s it was bed time. McGyver had just finished. Bart and Lisa were either bored by it or tired.

“Well I could do with an early night Patty. Lisa you’ll be sleeping with me.” said Selma. “And Bart you’ll be sleeping with Aunt Patty.”

“In her bed with her?!” Bart asked.

“Yes! Now be warned. Apparently I snore...” said Patty.

Well one of the sisters was snoring in Principal Charming while Homer was calling Barney...

Bart and Lisa shivered in disgust.

Plot 3[]

At the nursery once again Mrs Sinclair confiscated Maggie’s pacifier.

“You know the rules Maggie. No pacifiers.” said Mrs Sinclair taking her pacifier. “You won’t outsmart me this time!”

Oh but she will Mrs Sinclair...

Meanwhile at the Simpsons house Oscar was up late watching Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggles Duck.

“And now our movie this late evening. The Happy Little Elves Meet Fuzzy Snuggle Duck!”

Oscar watched his cartoon joyfully as the cute theme tune played but then sexy music played and he was shocked by the content of the cartoon.

“Whoooooaaa! They’re naked!” said Oscar.

Meanwhile at Patty and Selma’s.

Lisa wanted to go home.

“I’ve seen Hell.” said Lisa.

“You think you’ve seen it all? I’ve seen them naked! Eeeeeeeuugh!” said Bart shivering in disgust.


At Rancho Relaxo Marge had a lovely massage. Homer ate strained peas for some reason. “Mmmmm! Strained peas...”

“Mr Simpson are you sure you don’t want a relaxing massage?” said the masseuses.

“Sorry my good man but my back is like quicksand. You’ll get stuck.” said Homer embarrassed.

Then Homer and Marge went to the steam room where Homer sung a jingle from a fried chicken restaurant commercial for some place called Shakespeare’s Fried Chicken. Yes that’s an actual line from an episode of the Simpsons.

To the tune of Rule Britannia Homer sung the jingle. “Shakespeare’s Fried chicken! Come gorge yourself today! Nyah nyah naaaaah! Etc.”

“Oh Homie...” Marge sighed relaxed in the steam room. “Put some more water over the hot coals.

Meanwhile at home Oscar and Hugo had Shakespeare’s fried Chicken for breakfast.

“To eat or not to eat. That is the question.” said Oscar with his mouth full of fried chicken.

Hugo murmured as he ate fried chicken.


Somehow it was still very late at night at Patty and Selma’s. As the ugly sisters slept Bart went through their things rudely. “Ay carumba!” He gasped holding up a big bra. Eeeeew!

“Eeeeeew! Bart! You mustn’t go through people’s things!” said Lisa telling him off.

“Hey look! A gun! Pew pew! Put your hands up partner!” said Bart holding a gun like device for some sort of beauty regime or make up removal.

“Bart that’s a blackhead gun...” said Lisa.

“Eeeeeew!” Bart threw the blackhead gun back into the wardrobe.


At the Rancho Relaxo Marge and Homer has mud baths. Homer farted in the mud bath.

“Sir that’s disgusting! Get out!” An Attendant to the mud baths told him off.

Meanwhile Ned had to pick up Maggie because Mrs Sinclair was being escorted out of the nursery clearly insane and jabbering as she was strapped into a Hannibal Lecter gurney jabbering about strained peas.

“How did one baby cause all this?” A nurse of the local lunatic asylum asks his colleagues as they took Mrs Sinclair away.

Maggie confidently sucked her pacifier.

At the Simpsons house Oscar was on his computer watching Dark Simpsons. The episode where Maggie dies.

“That is horrible. I have to puke!” He ran to the bathroom.

“Ello Guvnor!” said Hugo being silly with a fake Britain accent.

At Patty and Selma’s.

“Kids, Aunt Selma wants a foot massage.” said Selma.

Bart and Lisa shivered in disgust.

“Hey it could be worse! I could still be married to Sideshow Bob!” said Selma.

Bart shivered and dreamed about Sideshow Bob giving Selma a foot massage and saying murderous things in foreign languages.

“Voy a Matar a usted!” said Sideshow Bob murderously as Bart’s head sat on a pike with a horrible pained expression of his final moments of life as they were snatched in a violent death forever locked on his lifeless head.

Bart shivered in disgust. “Well I suppose you’re right Aunt Selma.”

At the Simpsons house.

”Ello Guvnor!” said Hugo doing British accents.

”Hugo stop that! Or I will not change your diapers!” Oscar warned him.

”You have to change me. I’ll get a rash...” said Hugo.

We cut To Oscar disgusted and grimacing as he changes Hugo’s diaper.