At Long Last Leave Springfield has enough of the Simpsons and kicks them out!
The titles confirm in canon this is the five hundredth episode this time.
The billboard gag is Apu.
The chalkboard gag is “Bart has earned a day off.” Milhouse is writing as Bart watches grinning.
The couch gag is the five hundredth couch gag. The first four couch gag’s are shown and then we zip through the others in order until we get the Simpsons sit and we pan out to a mosaic of couch gags with the number 500. Then the mosaic shatters showing Homer and Bart in black fancy suits with Homer strangling Bart.
“Why you little!”
The Simpsons are watching the news. There is an emergency bulletin.
“Good evening. It is with great sadness I inform you all that America and China have declared war, and that a massive nuclear attack is imminent within the hour!” said Kent.
The Simpsons scream.
“Oh Winnie what have we done to incur your wrath?! We eat your food laden with mono sodium glutamate!” Oscar lamented. “Mmmmm! MSG noodles and chicken balls...”
“Shut up boy...” Homer snapped.
Kent chuckled “That is the sort of hypothetical emergency today’s disaster preparedness drill is designed to get us ready for!”
In town like in Homer defined, the alarms go off and everyone goes crazy.
At school Skinner has everyone hide under their desks. That’s not gonna save them from a nuclear explosion idiot...
“Hmmm?” Kent said trying to be light hearted in such a dire moment. He sighed. “All Springfielder’s should move off of the streets and into their homes.”
Everyone went inside.
“And please avoid the superstitious panic that marked the recent lunar eclipse...” said Kent. There was a picture for the news of Homer standing on Abe’s head holding a police car door as a shield and a gasoline station fuel pump belching fire as a makeshift flamethrower! Coooool!
“Coooooool!” said Oscar in awe of Homer’s madness.
Homer chuckled as the Simpsons went to the basement.
We cut to one night in the Simpsons garden where they are watching a lunar eclipse.
“Sorry dad. I was afraid the dragon wouldn’t cough the moon back up...” said Homer to Grampa as a giant dragon swallowed the moon!
“You idjit! The dragon always coughs up the moon!” Abe yelled at him.
Lisa sighed. “I know it’s futile but I must once again point out that there is no dragon...”
“Then why am I paying $800 a year in dragon insurance?!” Homer yelled.
Oscar laughed at this silliness.
“Again, I must maintain that money would have been better spent on car insurance!” said Lisa.
“Lisa, everyone knows dragons do not attack cars! Geez! Pick up a book!” said Homer.
Suddenly a medieval red dragon roared and attacked Homer’s pink rusty car.
“Hey! Leave my car alone you overgrown fire breathing lizard!” Homer yelled at the dragon.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
“Dad I pick up books like you pick up beers...” said Lisa.
“Then you have a serious reading problem!” said Homer.
Oscar laughed. “That’s a good one! Ahahaha! Serious reading problem!”
In the present the Simpsons sat in the basement watching the news. “Now people I must urge you all not to panic as this is a drill. Oh god! The missiles are arriving! People this is not a drill?”
“People please head to your fall out shelters in a calm and orderly manner as if this is a drill. Which it isn’t.” said Frink. “And please remain there for three hours.”
“Okay so we have to remain in our storm cellar for three hours.” said Homer as they returned to the basement for the final time to wait for three hours while the world ends outside. “So do all your farting now...”
“Homer!” Marge yelled.
“Okay!” Oscar smirked and farted noisy and smelly farts. “Okay I’m done.”
“Homer! What if that was the last ever thing you ever said?!” Marge nagged.
“Don’t worry. My last words will be, ‘I can outrun that lion!’” said Homer.
Homer hummed as the put the last of everything they’d need for three hours in the basement.
“Alright everyone in.” said Homer shutting them in.
“Dad you forgot Hugo!” Lisa explained.
“Who cares?!” Homer replied sharply.
“I care! You ass!” Oscar snapped, putting his life in danger to go and fetch Hugo from upstairs.
“Fine... but if you get vaporised or turned into a mutant, you’re not coming back in!” said Homer shutting Oscar out.
Then he went through the powdered at water to food. “Okay who’s the wisenheimer who’s been eating all the powdered food?!”
“It’s Wizenheimer!” Wizenheimer the Magikoopa yelled with a dramatic lightning effect.
“I dunno.” said Grampa. He coughed out some powder. “I’m thirsty.” He drank a glass of water. Suddenly he inflated like a huge beach ball. “Uh oh. I have to poop. Everybody leave. Now!!”
Everyone ran off quickly.
Eventually they returned with Hugo and Oscar. Marge was bottle feeding Maggie and Homer Bottle feeding Eric.
Bart was grunting and playing basketball in the basement.
“Bart! Stop that!” Homer yelled.
“But Dad! Bunkerball is keeping us sane...” Bart whined.
“Oh my... when I think of all the food wasted in this house...” Marge sighed looking at a box of powdered food.
We cut to Homer watching Magnum PI and feeding Tom Selleck on the TV some beans.
“Here you go Tom Selleck! Eat up! Yum yum!” Homer smooshed beans all over the TV screen.
“That’s a good Tom Selleck! Eat your- Hey! No! No! No Higgins! You’ve had yours! How dare you steal Tom Selleck’s food! That’s a bad Higgins!”
In the present.
“Hey, I bet the town looks really cool all abandoned!” said Homer. “With no one around.”
“Dad no! The bombs could fall any minute!” Lisa explained.
“Hey, the school would be empty! I could write whatever I want on the chalkboard!” said Bart.
“Bart you do that in the title sequence of every episode...” said Lisa.
“I could see a planetarium show without the second hand marijuana!” said Hugo.
“And I can drive drunk while I’m actually sober!” said Homer.
The Simpsons were outside driving about erratically. “It’s fun, but not as fun...” said Homer.
“That’s odd...” said Marge. “Why are all those cars parked at City Hall?” There were cars in the parking lot of City Hall.
“Ay carumba!” Bart yelled.
“If I didn’t know any better... I’d say they were having a town meeting!” said Lisa.
“Not without us it ain’t!” said Marge. “Pull over!”
Homer whined and pulled over.
Meanwhile in town driving about erratically were Simpsons illustrated in a CGI engine like in that Halloween story in Treehouse of Horror VI, Homer3.
“Oh my god! I look like something from Pixar!” CGI Oscar lamented.
“Holy crap I’m fat!” said CGI Homer.
“Hmmmm, that’s odd. Why are all those cars at the city hall?” said CGI Marge.
“Ay carumba!” said CGI Bart.
“I feel like we’re wasting thousands from the CGI budget just existing...” said CGI Lisa.
And also driving erratically was the Simpsons as cartoon animals. The author of Springfield Animals said they were all bunny rabbits, or at least Homer was. But in my story Homer is a walrus, Marge is a blue panther, Bart is a yellow shiny spider, Lisa is an owl and Maggie is an anteater.
“Kids what are you doing back there?!” said Walrus Homer.
“Playing a game...” said Lisa as an owl.
“What kind of game...?” Homer frowned.
“Um... eat Maggie?” said Lisa as an owl.
“Eeeeew!” Walrus Homer groaned.
Bart spun in a web “Eat my Shorts!” and laughed.
“I’m a fly now because I like being webbed up by Bart.” said Oscar as a fly in a web cocoon stuck in Bart’s spider Web.
“That’s odd! Why are all those cars parked at the City Hall?“ said panther Marge.
Ay carumba! Bart wrote in a fresh web.
“Stupid clever spider boy...” Homer groaned.
In the town hall.
“Welcome er um to this secret town meeting made possible by the false nuclear attack alarm. Hehehe, I wonder who fell for it...” said Quimby.
“Made possible by our secrets and mysteries committee.” said Dr Hibbert.
“Hey we have names you know!” said Super Intendant Chalmers frowning.
“Oh clam it! We only gather up and meet once a month!” said Quimby.
“Yes but these meetings go on for eight hours...” said Super Intendant Chalmers.
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Disco Stu yelled. “This is the most fun I’ve had in weeks!” He paused. “Except for that roller skates disco I went to last week. Don’t blame it on the sunshine! Don’t blame it on the moonlight! Blame it on the boogie!”
“And now for the reason why we are here.” said Mayor Quimby. On the projector slide was a picture of the Simpsons. The Simpsons had just snuck in.
“What’s going on?” Homer whispered.
“Why is there a picture of us?” Lisa asked.
“Maybe it’s a surprise party for us?” Bart replied.
“This doesn’t look good...” said Marge.
“Oh honey... why do you always assume a big picture of us at a meeting we weren’t told about is somehow bad?” Homer replied.
“The results are in. This town has voted unanimously to expel Springfield’s unending nightmare, the Simpsons!” said Quimby.
“D’oh!” all the Simpsons groan.
“They’re here!” The angry mob yell finding the Simpsons at the back of the hall.
“The monsters! The monsters are here!” Moe yelled.
“Moe! It’s me, Marge! I’m your friend!” said Marge.
“The monster Queen is coming on to me!” said Moe.
“Why do you want to get rid of us?!” Lisa asked. “We’re like family!”
“Yeah bus driver who wears headphones!” said Homer to Otto.
“Hey! I’m also a hair donor!” said Otto. “Salma Heyek once wore me to a film festival!”
“Well I once wore Snake’s hair one Treehouse of Horror and he possessed me and tried to make me kill my son!” said Homer.
“Can we stop going on about who wore who’s hair?!” Mayor Quimby yelled exasperated. “We’re here to banish the Simpsons. Although we are not pleased to be doing so.”
“I am!” said Dr Hibbert.
“Me too!” said Principal Skinner.
“I feel like a kid at Christmas!” said Rabbi Krustofsky.
“Rabbi you’re Jewish. You don’t celebrate Christmas...” said Oscar.
“Oh yeah...” said Rabbi Krustofsky stroking his beard thoughtfully.
“I believe you all know of my feelings towards the Simpsons by now. Especially Bart.” said Sideshow Bob with an icy glare.
Bart screamed. “Nyaaaaagh! Sideshow Bob! W-w-w-why d-d-does h-h-he h—h-have m-more of a r-r-right to l—l-live here than m-m-me?!” Bart was stammering with fear.
“Bart stop playing the victim!” said Skinner sharply.
“I am the victim!” Bart yelled. “Sideshow Bob has tried to kill me so many tines, it’s not funny anymore!”
“People please... I know we’re all happy to be rid of the Simpsons. I was just trying to spare their feelings!” said Quimby.
“Those freaks don’t have feelings!” Moe snapped.
“Yeah, the baby never cries!” said Cookie Kwan.
Maggie does a throat cut gesture.
“See?! What kinda baby does that?!” said Cookie Kwan.
“Wait. Why would a whole town go to all the trouble to exile just one family?! What did we ever do?!” Marge asked.
“I’m glad you asked Marge.” said Mayor Quimby putting on a slideshow.
Graphs on financial data appeared. “This town is in crippling debt from the wreckage and damage to public buildings caused by Homer’s drunken antics!”
“Yaaaaay! We won!” Homer cheered.
“Homer! These people are trying to banish us!” said Marge.
“Bart’s pranks, which get less funny and more destructive as time goes on.”
Bart frowned offended.
“Lisa’s environmental and political initiatives!” said Quimby.
“Hey!” Lisa yelled offended.
“Hugo’s mutants and mad scientist experiments...” said Quimby as a monster Hugo made was bought into the hall in a cage.
“Now hold on one tootin minute!” said Marge. “My family isn’t perfect, I know that. But we love this town! It is our home!” Marge breaks down in tears. “So if you could just find it in your hearts...”
“Marge we understand. You are a very sweet and caring woman.” said Quimby.
“Why thank you?” said Marge.
“Which is why you are the worst Simpson of all! For putting up with their behaviour!” said Quimby.
“What?!” Marge gasped.
Homer got up and started strutting about like a southern lawyer.
“Now I say, I say! I may not be a fancy big city lawyer... but I believe it was Sammy Hagar who said- Ow!” said Homer speaking like Foghorn Leghorn but someone threw a bone at him.
“Silence!” Sideshow Mel snapped. “That was an inside me bone!’ said Mel before taking out the bone he kept in his hair and throwing that at Homer.
“Ow!” Homer whined.
“Make way for Captain Coolerhead!” said Ned standing up for the Simpsons.
“Oh great another nonsensical super hero alter ego of a Springfield citizen from Erik Nikolaz’s fanon...” said Quimby.
“Hey!” Erik yelled.
“Stupid Flanders...” said Homer muttering.
“Homer!” Marge said harshly.
“Now folks, I like a good old fashioned witch hunt as the next fellow...” said Ned.
“Ned it’s not funny when an extremely devote fire and brimstone Christian makes that remark! Especially one who tried to carry out an old fashioned witch burning on those Wiccans Lisa befriended...” said Oscar.
“Yes I know... but anyhoo. I don’t think it fair we be so quick to judge our long time neighbours!” said Ned.
“Not so fast Ned! I had a feeling you’d be the voice of mercy, and we’re prepared to hear your concerns...” said Quimby. He pulled a lever and a giant swinging long knocked Ned out of the town hall. “Any other objections?”
“I withdraw my diddly...” said Ned.
“That sounded crude Ned...” said Bart.
“I object!” said Oscar speaking up. Everyone gasped.
“But er um, you’re not a Simpson.” said Quimby.
“These people took me in on a cold Christmas night when no one else would! And they put up with my shenanigans, nonsensical fanon family members and attempts to spoil Bart rotten!” Oscar explained defending the Simpsons. “I am sick and tired of you all picking on them!”
“Very well, I call an additional vote to exile Oscar Tamaki as well!” said Quimby.
“We were already gonna do that Quimby when we voted to exile all the annoying fanfiction writers!” said Willie as nonsensical characters and flying eyeballs and sappy colourful furry critters appeared as Oscar, Erik and Alvinluv etc were scribbling away making up their own changes to canon.
“The section six paragraph two or something of the charter says you must leave town immediately upon banishment!” said Quimby.
“Or what? You tar and feather us?” said Homer.
Outside the edge of Springfield containing remnants of the dome from trappicino.
Happy days from the tv programme Happy days played by a brass band and choir. “Monday, Tuesday happy days...”
“Aaaaaaargghhhh! No not Fonzie! It burns!” Oscar screamed as he and the Simpsons stood on a Hell themed carnival float with Herman devil and fire etc as Happy Days theme played.
“Oh god! This truly is Hell!” Homer screamed.
The Simpsons had then been tarred and feathered.
“I wasn’t expecting you to actually tar and feather us...” said Homer.
“Well good luck filling potholes in your roads and stuffing your pillows!” said Bart.
“Section six of the twin charter orders you leave! Immediately!” Quimby said sharply.
“Very well but I curse you all with a thousand year drought!” Homer warned. Grey clouds arrived and thunder rumbled. “Um I curse you with a thousand year flood!” The clouds faded away and it was nice and sunny with rainbows. “D’oh! I curse you with a thousand years or pleasant weather...”
“Now cut that out God or I’ll worship Ra!” Oscar yelled at the sky. The clouds came back and thunder rumbled as it poured buckets of rain.
“That’s more like it! Exile us and you face our divine wrath!” Oscar warned.
“Just leave already!” Quimby yelled.
The Simpsons drove of in Homer’s pink car with all their belongings.
The Simpsons drive somewhere as music played over the radio. “I’m a rolling stone, all alone and lost...”
“And with moves like Mick Jagger.” sung Oscar.
“Oz stop ad-libbing...” said Homer.
“For a life of sin... I have paid the cost...”
The radio cut out.
“Well that was the last we’ll hear from Springfield radio station... now we’re just gonna get Shelbyville talk radio...” said Marge.
Homer screamed and whimpered.
“We get it! You hate Shelbyville!” Marge sighed.
The radio host said this. “Attention Shelbyville! If you see a Simpson. Do not attempt to reason with it! Just shoot it and kill it. And hand in the pelt for a free soda!”
“Soda eh?” Homer thought looking at his family and imagining them as giant sodas.
“Mom... Dad’s imagining us as sodas...” said Bart.
“Dad, where are we going?” Lisa asked. He’s gonna turn in your skins for a free soda! “Do we have a plan?”
“Do we ever!” said Homer. He sobbed pitifully. “Oh let’s face it! I’ve brought this horrible fate upon us all!”
He sobbed and wailed. “Okay there is only one way out! Time to man up!” said Homer.
“I was hoping he’d say suicide...” said Hugo.
“Hugo!” Marge told him off.
“Okay manning up! Manning up! Manning... oh no! Girlying down! (Sobbing like a girl) Girlying down!”
“Well hello sailor!” said Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner as Bruce before her sex change wearing a pink feather boa.
Homer screamed and ran “her” over.
“Hey. Henrietta Hippo... I’ve gotta drain the inchworm...” said Bart.
“How dare you insult the Queen!” Oscar throttled him.
“Hehehehe! Henrietta R Hippo...” Homer laughed. “Okay out you go.” He stopped the car and let Bart out.
Bart went by the side of the road and dropped his shorts and underwear to his ankles baring his butt as he urinated.
A rifle was cocked.
“Please put that down...” said a redneck/outlander menacingly.
“Can’t. Just got started.” said Bart peeing.
“Not you! I meant him!” said the outlander to Homer sat in the car.
“We don’t take kindly to rich city folks round here!” said the outlanders. “Be off with ya!”
“Please sir! We’ve just been kicked out of our home! We have no where else to go!” said Lisa.
“Rejected by society eh? Well why didn’t you say so! Welcome to the Outlands!” said the outlander. “Home for those without any homes to go to and those rejected by society.” The outlander cocked his gun.
“Ooooooh!” The Simpsons gasp. Bart finished peeing and pulled up his pants and shorts.
“Oh! When God shuts a door he opens a window!” said Homer overjoyed.
“Best not be opening any windows folks... a coyote could get in and get your baby.” said an outlander.
A coyote howled.
“Meep! Meep!” said a roadrunner.
Mountain men sing the Simpsons theme tune.
There is a chalkboard gag. “We will not stop doing mid episode title gags whenever the Simpsons have to start a fresh somewhere.”
Homer drives home on an ATV. Yells d’oh! as Bart on his dirt bike with a fox tail attached rides over him. Grunts as Lisa arrives on a horse and screams as Marge arrived in a dune buggy.
They do a couch gag.
“I’m sick of watching Fox. Let’s go outside!” said Homer. Instead of a TV showing Fox network they were watching a sleeping fox.
Bart decided to ride one of the quad bikes.
“Should I wear a helmet Dad?” He asked.
“That’s Springfield talk!” said Homer.
Bart started the Quad bike’s engine. It spluttered and crackled as it was out of fuel. “Dad, the quad bikes need more gas...”
“That’s Springfield talk!” said Homer.
“Well how are we supposed to refuel them...” said Bart.
“Private plane crashes.
“Ah! Breath that unpolluted country air...” Lisa sighed.
“Yeah... our new home is great!” said Homer.
“I don’t miss our friends and neighbours or Mom’s relatives at all!“ said Bart.
“Well I miss our old home! And I’m not too taken by this new place and its loose morals...” said Marge. “And I think Maggie has fallen in with a bad crowd!”
Maggie had bleached her starfish hair and taken to just wearing a diaper and carrying a pen knife as feral warrior baby. Cooooool!
Bart and Homer drove about on Quad bikes.
“I still think I should have worn a helmet Dad.” said Bart.
“That’s Springfield talk!” said Homer.
“Don’t listen to him Bart! He’s been on the crazy train! Oh I wish I wore a helmet!” said the ghost of Ozzy Osborne.
“Mr Osborne you didn’t die in that quad bike crash, you were just badly injured...” said Bart.
“Yeah but I bit the head off another bat and gave myself coronavirus.” said Ozzy Osborne.
“I love this place. Everyone gets to have wacky hair dos like mine!” said Oscar pointing to his overgrown ball of spiky hair held up with goggles.
“You’re going to the barbers...” said Homer.
“No!” said Oscar petulantly as he drove off on his quad bike.
Marge was still homesick and sobbing. “I miss our home, our family. God! I even miss Helen Lovejoy criticising my brownies!”
“Yeah but the country side is great and if you’ve got an axe to grind, Wikileaks is next door.” said Homer.
There was a house with a radar dish on top making radar pings. Julian Assange lived inside. I thought he was in the embassy...
Homer goes to visit him. “How are you doin’ Mr Assange?
“That is my private information, and you have no right to know about it!” Julian Assange of Wikileaks snapped while studying the read outs of his machines.
“Yet apparently to you, Mr Assange. Everyone’s private information is your business! Medical records, sensitive military information. The Data protection act means little to you doesn’t it?!” Oscar retorted angrily.
“When it violates the freedom of information act, yes!” said Julian Assange.
“You have no right to pry into mine or anyone else’s medical history!” Oscar snapped. “And by hacking into government and military archives and demanding you be allowed to treat them like a public library you are allowing terrorists access to sensitive information and a tactical advantage!”
“Oh go away boot licker!” Julien Assange yelled.
Oscar stormed off to report Julian Assange’s location to the FBI.
“Anyway... we’re your new neighbours.” said Homer.
“Oh hi there! Why didn’t you say so!” said Julian Assange warming up and politely greeting Homer with a handshake. “Would you like to come over for a movie some time?”
“Is it about Iraqi journalists being murdered?” Marge asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous! It’s about an Afghan wedding being bombed!” said Julian Assange.
“Right that’s it! Get out of this episode! You are making it violent and controversial!” Oscar snapped. “Our viewers don’t find Afghan weddings being blown up or Iraqi journalists being murdered funny!”
“Well Mr Assange. I’ve got a big secret for you. I’m not wearing any underwear...” said Homer.
“You know, You should really get out less...” Julian Assange sighed.
“He’s no Ned Flanders.” said Homer as they left.
Marge cried and sobbed. “I miss dear Ned and the boys! I miss the Springfield giant letters and the streets that are dead ends! God I even miss Agnes Skinner!”
“There, there sweetie! Being banned forever doesn’t mean you can’t go back there, sometimes...” said Homer comforted her.
“Uh... yes it does...” said Bart.
“Pipe down boy!” said Homer.
That night Homer and Marge dressed badly as Mr Burns and Smithers drove back to Springfield.
“Oooooh step on it Smithers! Even a turtle is moving faster than you!”
“Homer this isn’t going to fool anyone...” said Marge.
“Sure it will! I mean, Pish posh Smithers! Tally ho and all that!” said Homer. “Fiddle Dee Dee!”
“Mr Burns! You really shouldn’t be out in the cold night air without a jacket on! Let me give you mine!” said Chief Wiggum.
“Excellent!” said Homer as Mr Burns.
“Yeah that wouldn’t be you Mr Burns without the excellent...” Said Wiggum.
“That could have really helped Dad back when you wrote that rude letter to him for not rewarding Hugo for giving him blood...” said Bart in a cutaway panel.
Homer and Marge discard their disguises when they get home and shimmy inside.
“You know what’s great Marge? You can still shinny up the donut and still pull me up after you... Mmmmm! Inexplainable donut...” said Homer gargling.
“Look! A shooting star!” said Marge.
A shooting star exploded.
“Oooooh!” said Homer in awe.
“Marge, do you think there’s donut shops on alien planets?” Homer asked.
On an alien plant an alien bought some donuts and ate one. “Mmmmm! Donuts...” he said in alien language.
“Um... probably.” said Marge.
“I miss the old homestead. Remember when we moved in and I talked like this...” said Homer sounding like Walter Matthau or retro Homer.
Anyway they were having sex or something like that. But I’m more interested in Homer saying funny things. For example he spoke of all the insurance scams he fell for such as dragon insurance, volcano insurance... they weren’t near any volcanoes. And anti tiger rocks that scare tigers away.
In a flash back.
“Homer no! That’s obviously a scam! Volcano insurance... really now...” Marge warned him
“Babe you’re gonna look mighty silly when Mount Murderhorn erupts!” said Homer.
“Dad that’s just silly. Murderhorn won’t erupt...” said Lisa.
“How can you be so sure?” Homer asked.
“Scientist have studied the mountain and have said so...” said Lisa. “And people do these scams all the time... for example. I could say this rock scares off tigers!”
“Oh! How does it work?” Homer asked.
“It doesn’t! It’s just a stupid rock!” said Lisa.
“I don’t see any tigers round here...” said Homer smugly.
“Forget it...” Lisa sighed. “How about I could say you can ward of bears by drawing a circle on the ground! Ha! Such an idea is preposterous!”
“No it’s not! Your only defence from an angry grizzly is to draw a circle on the ground! Spongebob said so! So it must be true!” said Oscar.
“But Oz that’s Stu-Aaaaaaarrgh!” Lisa replied but a bear roared and attacked her as Oscar sat in an anti sea bear circle.
Lisa groaned scratched up and injured. It was a miracle she was still alive after being mauled by a bear.
“Oh and they hate saxophones being played.” said Oscar.
Lisa scowled. “Hey! You just made that up!”
“Nope. And they hate cheese.” said Oscar.
“Sliced or cubed?” Lisa asked.
“Cubed.” said Oscar. “And they hate silly hats worn in a ridiculous manner?” He continued “And maracas.”
Then Outlands just happened to be near lake Titicaca in Nicaragua. Oscar, Bart and Hugo in their Outlander/Mad Max style clothes they made on their first night in the Outlands came across Beavis, a teenaged boy or drop out with blond hair and his blue shirt pulled up over his head.
“Who are you?” Bart asked having never watched Beavis and Butthead.
“I am the great Cornholio! I need TP for my Bunghole!”
“Um...’ Bart grimaced.
“Are you threatening me?!” Cornholio said sharply.
“No no no. We’re just lost oh great Cornholio.” said Oscar.
“I am Cornholio! You are all bungholios! This is Lake Titicaca! In Nicaragua! Would you care for a rolio?” He offered Rolo sweets.
“Lake Titicaca! Lake Titicaca!” Yakko sung while playing the banjo while the Animaniacs sailed in a canoe.
“Hey don’t steal my material! Butt-knocker!” said Cornholio.
“I have no TP Cornholio.” said Oscar.
“You must have TP for Cornholio for I fear my bunghole will get polio! Praise the great Helio for he is in Celio! Would you like to see my portfolio, gringo?” said Cornholio talking utter gibberish.
“Uh...” Oscar was confused.
“Then I will present to you my Bunghole! And you must have a baby called Olio! Is he an albino? Holio Cornholio!” Cornholio continued.
“What the fudge?!” Oscar yelled.
“I think we should just leave this nut case alone...” said Bart.
“Do not anger my butthole! Do you have Holio?”
“Just shut up already you asstard!” Hugo cursed.
“Are you threatening me?” Cornholio asked angrily.
“No. This is threatening you!” Hugo pulled out a machete.
“You have angered my bunghole! The streets will flow with the blood of non Believers!” Cornholio was mad!
“Oh fudge!” Oscar gulped.
Marge and Homer were eventually caught because Springfield citizens dared to make a mockery of their abode by squatting in it.
Jimbo and his friends Dolph and Kearney came in one night while Homer and Marge had sex. They knew intruders were in the house because they heard Jimbo saying. “This house isn’t puppy safe. I’m installing a puppy gate.”
“You know Homer, for twenty three seasons, and all the Tracy Ullman Shorts, we have never had a baby gate! We should really get one!” said Marge.
“Yeah, one of these days, although I hope not, that clomp clomp sound of Maggie trying to walk will not be her crawling up the stairs...” said Homer.
“It’s them! They’re back! Mrs Simpson and that fat guy!” said Dolph.
“Hey! I have a name!” Homer yelled.
“Hey keep it down! My wife and I are trying to have sex!” Otto yelled, in my canon he did marry Becky. And hopefully she will cause a lot of satanic rituals. Mwuhahahaha!
Homer and Marge were brought before the townspeople to decide their fait.
“Kick them out again.” said Cleatus offering a stupid deterrent.
“Set my hounds on them!” said Mr Burns with his angry hounds. “Easy there boys, you’ll feed soon enough...”
“Crucify them!” said Lovejoy! He’d make a great Pontius Pilate!
“Make them do Pilates!” said Pontius Pilate. You can imagine what Oscar learned in Sunday school...
“Drop a Boulder on them!”
“Make them write monologue jokes!” said Krusty.
“Cancel their subscription to the opera house!” said Sideshow Mel.
“We hate opera anyway...” said Homer.
“Fine! Then give them a subscription to the opera house!” said Sideshow Mel.
“Oh my god! Noooooo!” Homer screamed.
“Aw! I say just shoot em!” said Rich Texan.
But they let Marge and Homer go because Marge decided she didn’t want to go back to Springfield seeing how badly they were being treated.
”Yeah so so long jerks!” said Homer.
”Come on Smithers.” said Mr Burns. Mr Teeny disguised himself as Smithers with the strangely effective wig and glasses and leapt into Mr Burns’s arms. “Ohohoho! A little clingy tonight are we?’ Mr Burns chuckled.
Mr Teeny kissed him.
”Yes I love you too Smithers.” said Mr Burns to Mr Teeny dressed as Smithers.
”That’s it? All I had to do was ask?!” Smithers lamented.
”Mr Teeny get back here now!” Krusty groaned annoyed.
Meanwhile in the Outlands the kids had to deal with Avery angry Cornholio and his cult worshippers and their enormous toilet paper collection that was a tribute to him.
“Wait! You’re the asshole who keeps panic buying the toilet roll during the N virus pandemic! I had skids in my pants for the entire lock down! I had to start wearing diapers out of the house!” Oscar ranted.
“Eeeeeew! Oz....” Bart groaned.
Luckily Bart and his siblings and Oscar had the strangely friendly outlander scary mountain men to help them. Deliverance style mountain men/rednecks in feral clothes and wearing snake fans necklaces and human bones charged wielding shotguns etc at the cultists wearing white as Cornholio screeched gibberish. “Holio Cornholio! We have no bungholes for there is only bungholio! I have polio!”
Bart shrugged as his friendly new neighbours fought off Cornholio and his cult.
Back in the Outlands Lisa possibly given her infuriating liberalism was incensed to witness Julian Assange being arrested for hacking government computers and leaking delicate information he felt people had a right to know about.
“Julian Assange you are under arrest for computer hacking and leaking confidential information of a matter of national security.” said the FBI officers arresting him.
“Oz! He was a whistleblower! He was giving us vital information the government was withholding from us! Such as our soldiers murdering Iraqi civilians!” Lisa yelled.
“How would you like if you had gone to Dr Hibbert for an embarrassing boil on your butt and Mr Assange leaked that information everywhere because he felt everyone had a right to know about that! And our soldiers are not bombing civilians! They are bombing terrorists!” Oscar retorted.
“Why would there be terrorists in a hospital?! Or a school?” Lisa yelled.
“Holding hostages?” Oscar yelled back.
Anyway Springfield’s people did not have Marge and Homer executed or punished in anyway. They just kicked them out again, because Marge accepted that she had a better life in the Outlands.
And Mr Teeny is now Smithers...
Lisa wanted to end this episode and return to the status quo. Mmmmm... Francis Rossi...
“No we have to go back home Mom. Oscar has already ruined Outlands for us...” Lisa ranted when Mom and Dad got back.
“She’s just sour because I got her wannabe cyberterrorist arrested...” said Oscar.
“Julian Assange is not a cyberterrorist! He’s a whistleblower giving us information we need to be getting about what the gov and our soldiers are doing! He was reporting a war crime!” Lisa yelled.
Marge and Homer sighed as Lisa and Oscar bickered all night.
The Simpsons tried to get some normality and order in their Outland lives. This meant no more wearing Mad Max future survivor rags and animal bones. Except on weekends. Homer had to find a job and kids had to attend school. And a church to go to on Saturdays.
That church morning.
Marge got everyone dressed smartly.
“Marge we’re going to be the only Outlanders not dressed in Feral Mad Max rags and torn jeans/shorts and war paint!” said Homer.
“I want some civility!” Marge nagged.
She sighed when they got to church and everyone was in feral rags and ripped shorts and torn vests etc carrying weapons.
And everyone would raucously shout out in the sermons.
“And you better pray to God on his shining golden motorcycle! Because if not, he is gonna kick your ass!” said the reverend.
“Woohoo! Praise the Lord!” yelled Outlanders.
In Sunday school the kids learned about Pontius Pilate.
“Kids, what can you tell me about Pontius Pilate? Bart Oscar put his hand up just a tad sooner than you. Go ahead Oscar.” said the teacher.
“I am dreading what your answer is gonna be Oz...” Bart muttered quietly.
“He invented Pilates and did Pilates in his palace...” said Oscar smirking.
“That’s not even remotely funny or witty Oz!” said Bart.
Then Springfield realised they missed the Simpsons. One by one Springfield people arrived at the Outlands.
“Lenny! What are you doing here.” Homer asked.
“Well when we realised you were no longer trying to sneak back in, we didn’t have the upper hand in this tiff anymore. Plus Moe’s is rather boring without you.” said Lenny.
“Okay buy remember if you find something small and black on your pillows, it’s not a chocolate mint...” said Homer. Er eeeeew!
“I brought Carl along too!” said Lenny.
“Help me! Oh god! Homer your baby is trying to kill me!” Carl was being attacked by feral Maggie.
“Hehehehe! Just let her cut a bit from the top of your ear and she’ll go to sleep...” said Homer chuckling.
“No!” said Carl.
“You were not being given a choice...” said Homer menacingly.
However despite this interaction, Homer soon got along with his old drinking buddies as they had cups of something green and noxious that was fizzing and eating away at the receptacles it was served in!
“This ain’t half bad!” said Carl drinking the elixir.
“Yeah! I tastes great! And I love how it’s dissolving a hole in the cup!” said Lenny drinking what appeared to be cartoon acid.
Then Moe arrived annoyed Lenny and Carl were no longer at his tavern.
“Hey they don’t need your fancy pants tavern in a town that exiled me!” Homer exclaimed annoyed.
“No but you need a tavern and relatively safe, legal booze to drink. Remember when you were drinking moonshine with Cleatus once?” said Moe.
“Oh yeah, I was lucky to get my eyesight back...” said Homer.
Then Quimby arrived explaining they needed a corrupt government official. Then Doctor Hibbert arrived saying they needed a doctor and hospitals and medical care.
“No we don’t need doctors that think it’s okay to let parents lock up little boys in their attic and starve them!” said Oscar banishing Dr Hibbert.
Hugo was trying to bite Bart.
“Oz!” Bart whined.
“That’s naughty Hugey! Now stop it!” Oscar told Hugo off like he was a dog.
Bart sighed at Oscar smacking Hugo with a rolled up newspaper like he was a dog and went to graffiti. Inside an old warehouse he wrote “I (Heart) the breakdown of society.”
“Homer you were right. We were all massive jerks...” said Carl.
”Want some of my Jerk off spray?” Lenny asked holding an aerosol can.
”No thanks, I can Jerk off by myself!” said Oscar masturbating. That’s what that means Matt you dirty man!
”Oh my Goodness! Al Jean!!” Matt yelled to one of his script writers.