Simpsons Fanon

American History X-Cellent Mr Burns is arrested for keeping stolen paintings and shares a cell with that black fellow from Green Mile who can suck out people’s evil. This of course may spell the end for Dark Oscar after he is mean to Marge too harshly and cruel.

And Bart spills Lisa’s ant farm, annoying her.


The title gag is Lance Murdoch cheering.

The billboard gag is Duffman advertising Duff 200. Nothing but pure booze.

The chalkboard gag is “Hotdogs don’t make good bookmarks.”

The couch gag is the Simpsons sit on the couch which is outside in front of the house. Their house, which is a cardboard cutout falls on them.

The episode starts in Springfield prison. Some cops head towards a prison cell. Along the way they pass an insane prisoner wearing a straight jacket screaming. A strong prisoner with tattoos lifting his cell mate instead of a dumbbell and an arsonist setting fire to his bed.

In other cells in the background are Snake Jailbird, Sideshow Bob. Ice Pick. Fat Tony. Decapitating Harry and others.

The cops arrive at a cell with a lanky man wearing a purple woolly hat in it.

“Mr Burns! You’re coming with us!” said what sounded like Homer. The prisoner was Mr Burns. Mr Burns in jail? Well it all started a week ago...

”I’ll tell this story you porcupine headed urchin!” Mr Burns snapped. Hey don’t insult Oscar’s hair...

“Burns, you're coming with us.” said a guard turning Mr Burns around.

“No, no, let me go.” Mr Burns cried.

Surprised? Me, C. Montgomery Burns, locked up like an animal? What caused this puzzling turn of events? Well, I'll tell you my tale... by thinking about it to myself. Mr Burns was narrating this bit.

A week ago Mr Burns was holding an assembly at the plant in memory of a worker who died due to union stuff and not radiation poisoning or other such stuff. “So silence who ever spread those awful rumours!” said Mr Burns.

“And in lighter news there is to be an Independence Day picnic this July the fourth!” said Mr Burns.

“Woohoo!” Homer cheered.

“Oh you are mistaken my cheerful fellow for you see you will all be spending this picnic slavering around in hot clothes with not pay, lotion, gratitude or rest...” said Mr Burns. Someone cocked a shotgun. “Ooooh... fine you’ll get paid and plenty of water!” Oscar coughed. “Okay fine! I’ll treat them all like a thoroughly decent human being treats his employees! Are you happy now?!” Mr Burns ranted.

“Kinda.” said Oscar. “Apart from you insulting my hair!”

“You never let me have any fun!” Mr Burns ranted.

“Why’d ya think?!” Oscar yelled.


At the Simpsons house that July the fourth Lisa and Bart are strangling each other. Hugo is reading a Jules Verne novel while sat in the green armchair.

”Keep it down you too...” Hugo sighed reading.

(Angry bickering and fighting.)

“Marge, can I wear my nineteenth century, old timey men’s swimming costume to the picnic?” Homer asked wearing his striped swimming costume from There’s no Disgrace like Home.

“No Homer. That costume is ridiculous!” said Marge.

Homer sighed. “Also the kids are fighting...”

“Then stop them!” said Marge.

“Right that’s it! What are you two fighting about?!” Homer told off Bart and Lisa as he separated them.

“We were arguing over who loved you more...” said Bart.

“Oh that’s so sweet! Okay keep arguing!” said Homer touched.

“I love Dad more!”

“No! I do!”

“No I do!”

“No I do!”

”No I do!”

”No I do!”


“Okay that’s enough!” Homer separated them. “I don’t want you two embarrassing me in front of my boss, and not because I’m sucking up to him. Those days are over and he is an evil toad, I know that. But unfortunately he is still my employer until another job crops up.” Homer thought long and Hard. “What I am saying is why can’t you be more like your brother Hugo?” Homer pointed to Hugo who was reading a book quietly.

“Dad I was reading quietly, until Bart started bugging me...” said Lisa.

“Did not!” said Bart.

“Did so!”

“Did not!”

“Did so!”

“Did not!”

“I said stop arguing!!” Homer shouted before storming off.

In the kitchen Marge was making jellos for Mr Burns while Maggie and Eric were sat in their high chairs.

“Oooooh! Marshmallow!” said Homer plucking a marshmallow from a jello and eating it. He belched.

“Homer...” Marge sighed.

“What! I have to get all the unfortunate noises out of my body before the picnic! Don’t want to give that ogre Burns a reason to fire me... in fact...” Homer belched and farted repeatedly.

“That’s not what I meant. I sighed because you know how I feel about you picking at food...” said Marge.

“What? It’s not Magaggie’s birthday? Omnomnonnom!(eating sounds)” said Homer at Maggie’s birthday in Lady Bouvier’s Lover.

“Mmmmm! Horse D’ourves...” said Homer in the War of the Simpsons eating the mini sandwiches.

“Marge... I had one marshmallow...” said Homer.

In the car the Simpsons were each given a plate with a jello on it to hold.

“And no eating the jellos! Oz! What did I just say?!” Homer explained before shouting at Oscar because he was eating the jello he was supposed to be holding.

They drove to Mr Burns’s estate.

“Man there have been a lot of lay offs...” said Homer noticing certain classic employees no longer attended the annual picnic such as the Gammills. I don’t care for those Gammills... The father who’s kid wanted to be at his little league baseball game and the sickeningly perfect family.

”This place creeps me out...” said Oscar scared.

”Shut up! It’s a work of architecture!” Homer snapped.

Mr Burns no longer tried to be the gracious host to the Simpsons now they knew what he was like and hated him.

“Oh if it isn’t the Simpsons...” Mr Burns sighed.

“We brought Jello!” said Homer.

“Ooooh! I keep telling you people I hate that slimy gloop! Tch! Just put it in the dining room with all the others...” there was a dining room with lots of jellos on the table.

Mr Burns tried to greet the Simpsons but greeted them rudely.

“Marge, the woman who spurned my advances! Lisa, you really are an insufferable liberal aren’t you?! And Maggie the baby who shot me! And Er Brat.” said Mr Burns.

“Bart sir!” said Bart corrected him while glaring.

“The boy’s right Mr Burns... his name is Bart...” said Homer trying not to suck up to Mr Burns by remembering all the horrible things he had done.

“Why you! How dare you correct me Simpson!” Mr Burns was furious but let it pass to continue insulting the Simpsons. “Ugh! I don’t want that thing in my mansion!” He said about Hugo as he scratched himself like a dog.

“Ah Oscar. The boy who killed me numerous times!” said Mr Burns.

“I hope to succeed this time...” said Oscar.

“And this must be Uh... Derek.” Mr Burns called baby Eric Derek.

”Goo!” Eric gurgled annoyed.

“It’s Eric sir.” said Homer.

“There you go again! Always correcting me! I oughta fire you at once!” Mr Burns yelled. “But I’ve decided walling you up in a coal oven would be more fun...”


At the picnic Mr Burns was annoyed the bouncy castle was being inflated with a commercial inflatable inflating pump.

“But it’s not fun if it’s not been inflated with every last exhausted breath from an employee! Carl inflate this bounce house with your every breath!” Mr Burns whined.

Oscar coughed and pointed his gun at Mr Burns.

Then at the banquet lunch Lenny served Mr Burns Spare ribs.

“Spare? That’s runners up talk! When I bowl I expect a full strike! Fetch me ten full frames of strike ribs!” Mr Burns bossed everyone about. “And you! Go get my doctor to find out why I would ask for something as absurd as Strike Ribs!”

“Uh Sir maybe you should let the employees relax... and I’m not just saying that because Oscar is poking me with a bayonet...” said Smithers.

“Okay fine... men you can all rest and enjoy yourselves... some picnic this turned out to be...”


“That mean old Mr Burns!” said Lenny.

“I say we throw a party of our own! With Burns’s booze!” said Homer. They go into Mr Burns’s wine cellar.

Along the way down to the cellar, Mr Burns shad mounted on the cellar stairwell walls, heads of animals he had killed. Including bizarrely enough, prehistoric creatures such as sabre toothed tigers and T rexes.

“I don’t know... won’t Mr Burns get really mad?” Lenny asked.

“Eh.... what’s the worst he can do...” said Homer.

There was a skeleton mounted on the wall with a plaque labelled “Intruder” the skeleton was holding a shine bottle.

Homer and his friends drank Mr Burns’s wine.

“Hey Lenny, care for some La Chateu St. La monde?” said Carl with a wine bottle.

“That’s a regular sized bottle! I’m kegging Jeroboams!” said Lenny.

“I’m pounding Melchizedeks!” said Homer holding a giant wine bottle.

“Whoa! Homer that’s a 60,000 dollar bottle!” said Carl.

“Woohoo! I’m drinking my wages!” Homer cheered drinking the wine from the giant wine bottle.

“WIt doesn’t some of that go on taxes?l Lenny asked.

“Oh yeah... stupid government making me pay for them to spill wine over their floors...” Homer muttered spilling some of the wine on the floor but Oscar would not let it go to waste as he lied with his mouth open where Homer was spilling the wine and swallowed a glass or two full.

“Oz! Get up! Minors can’t drink!” Homer sighed.

Oscar hiccuped and drunkenly stumbled off.


Meanwhile a performance was about to begin.

“Shows about to start! Break a leg!” said Mr Burns go an employee. “I said break a leg...” he gave the employee a hammer.

The employee broke his own leg by smashing it with a hammer so it bent horribly backwards.

“For goodness sake man! That was a figure of speech! You’re fired!” said Mr Burns.

The man limped away.

Then Mr Burns fed up with his picnic went indoors to find Homer, Lenny and Carl drunk and smashing up stuff and playing twister with his priceless paintings.

“Smithers! Sound the alarm! Summon the Shire Reeve! Wake the Beadle!”

Now in Canon Smithers just rings the cops. But for hilarity he pushes a button.

In a bedroom a bell rings waking up Jeremy Beadle.

“Okay! Okay! I’m up!” said Jeremy Beadle. He got dressed while singing Watch out! Beadle’s about!

I don’t know what a shire Reeve is but I hope it’s cool.

Eventually the cops arrive. They find Homer and his friends playing Twister with paintings...

“Right hand on Rembrandt.” said Homer.

“Right that’s it fellas! Hand off of the old masters!” said Wiggum.

“Hey chief, this is the Concert painted by Vermeer!” said Lou.

“So...?” Wiggum asked.

“And it was stolen in 1990 from Boston’s Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum.” said Lou. “It hasn’t been seen since!”

Wiggum turned on Mr Burns who had called him to deal with some drunken workers vandalising his property. “So Mr Burns. You like to steal paintings do ya?”

“Grrrr! Is it a crime to want nice things and steal them from a public museum or gallery where any gum chewing art academy student or slack jawed tourist can gawk at them?! I think not!” Mr Burns ranted. “And what are you doing about the drunken vandals!?”

“Cuff him Lou.” said Wiggum. Lou put Mr Burns in cuffs and took him away.

“Eddie take these old masters back to the museums and art galleries Mr Burns stole them from.”said Wiggum. Eddie collected the paintings to be carefully delivered back to the art galleries they came from.

“As for you three, oh geez! Go home guys and sober up!” Wiggum sighed embarrassed by Homer and his friends trying to play twister drunk with paintings.

Plot 2[]

Mr Burns was put in a cage narrating of how everyone in town gathered to boo and jeer at him. Spit at him and throw vegetables at him.

“Vegetables! Get your soft slightly past their eating date vegetables to throw at Old man Burns! Vegetables!” said Moe. “I’m a mob enabler. On Tuesdays I sell pitchforks and torches.”

At the Simpsons house Homer has suddenly sobered up and ran out gleefully with the boys and Lisa carry rotten vegetables.

“Oh I want to get eggplant in his eye!” Homer cheered.

“I want to throw tomatoes at him!” said Bart.

“Now hold on one darn tooting minute!” Marge nagged. “You know how I feel about vigilantism and Mob Justice!”

“Marge the only true justice is Mob justice.” said Oscar.

“Oooooh! And those are for the weeks dinner! They are not for throwing at people!”

The Simpsons all glared at Marge.

“Fine! Why do I bother being the only sane one here?!” said Marge.

The Simpsons except Marge ran off gleefully carrying vegetables to throw at Mr Burns.

“Come on kids! We’re going to miss old man Burns!” said Homer.

Lisa could see Marge was unhappy and annoyed.

“Guys as much as I hate Mr Burns’s guts. Mom seems really unhappy!” said Lisa.

“So?” said Bart throwing vegetables at Mr Burns.

“Ow! Who threw that eggplant?!” Mr Burns yelled.

”I was trying to hit Pit...” said an Eggplant wizard.

Pit from Kid Icarus winced.

“Plus in canon I am supposed to say yada yada that if anything were to happen to you you are the nearest organ donor match in case I need an organ transplant.” said Lisa

“Hugo’s a match too. We’re identical twins remember...” said Bart.

“Fine... I’ll do my ant farm B story with Hugo then...” Lisa sighed.

“Yeah cos like I’d really be interested in a geeky ant farm? How do you grow ants?!” Bart ranted.

“The ants are the farmers Bart...” Lisa sighed.

“Well what are they growing?” Bart asked.

“Nothing...” said Lisa.

“Well what’s the point?!” Bart yelled.

Lisa sighed and went home to attend to her ants.

“Hey! I’m allergic to tomatoes!” Mr Burns yelled as people threw tomatoes at him.


In jail Mr Burns was processed by the warden of the prison and stuff. He threatened the warden that he knew about his helium addiction but couldn’t pronounce helium...

“TaKe him away!” The warden yelled.

Then after he was taken away the warden revealed he had a helium addiction. He inhaled helium. “Oh that’s some noble gas!” He said in a squeaky voice.

Mr Burns’s stuff was processed. “Signed photo of Humphrey Bogart from Casablanca. Envelope labelled Bribe, empty... a social security card?”

“That’s my S.S. card you dummkopf” said Mr Burns being beaten by guards. He was a member of the SS. Nazi black shirts.

The prison treated Mr Burns the way he deserved to be treated after all the wicked things he had done. Ie like that corrupt prison treated Rambo in Rambo First blood. Except Burns deserved it.

They violently hosed him down in the showers with high pressure hoses. Took his picture with a high flash camera that sent him flying...

Mr Burns was put with fellow lanky prisoner.

“Oh I thought you were some tattooed brute!” said Mr Burns.

“Nah they don’t churn out many of those from Broadmoor.” said the lanky white collar prisoner. Broadmoor is the hospital where Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire Ripper is kept!

“Ahhhhhh! Guards take me away from this savage beast!” Mr Burns screamed.


At the Simpsons Oscar was being unusually cruel to Marge. He was telekinetically hitting her with a baseball bat.

“What do we say about vigilantism and mob justice?” asked Oscar.

“Vigilantism is wrong Oscar! How would you like it if an angry mob went after you for all the awful things you’ve done?”

Oscar clobbered her again.

“Wrong answer... and besides I haven’t done anything that bad... except that time I unleashed green poisonous monkeys on the baseball field and Er me hitting you now...” said Oscar.

“Oz! Stop! We get it Mom’s disproval of us joining the town mob to teach Mr Burns a lesson is annoying but you can’t hit someone until they change their mind!” said Lisa.

“Of course you can! How do you think torture works?” Oscar replied.

“Oscar you are sick in the head!” said Bart. “Luckily I know who can help. There’s this guy in Springfield penitentiary...” Bart took Oscar off somewhere.

“Leggo!” Oscar whined as Bart dragged him off somewhere by his sweater collar.

Lisa sighed and went to examine her ants. She gasped because someone, probably Bart, put a Pop-Tart in the tank with then. “A pop tart? This isn’t locally grown and harvested!”

“Yeah I know. Bart put it in there when I said the ants looked hungry. Then he put Dig Dug in my ant farm...” said Hugo.

In Hugo’s ant farm Dig Dug, Mr Driller’s father. (It’s true! Look it up!) was wandering the tunnels of the ant farm while Dig Dug music played and used his pump to inflate and kill several ants, pookas and fygers.

Lisa laughed. “Oh god! That’s hilarious! Hehehe!”

Hugo frowned.

“Hey! I said no old timey arcade game jokes!” Homer yelled.


Bart and Oscar were being escorted down to a cell in the prison. “I don’t get why you went dressed as a choirboy and why I have to have be handcuffed.

“Because I don’t want to find out how your dark side will react to being exorcised and don’t want to risk anything. Plus I look angelic by comparison! In the jungle! The mighty jungle! Hmmmmmmhmmmmmm!” Bart replied and sung to the lion sleeps tonight.

“Did you hear that evil me? You go bye bye now!” said Oscar to himself.

His millennium sword glowed.

They were put in a cell with that guy from Green Mile. He was shouting at a pigeon.

“You enjoy those seeds Mr pigeon! Because you are a bad, bad man!”

“Uh...” Oscar grimaced.

Bart shrugged confused by the man’s antics.

“Oscar Tamaki. You are mine! And you cannot escape... the Lord Jesus Christ!” said Green Mile dude who turned out to be innocent but it was too late and they gave him the chair... he pulled of a poster revealing a cross.

“Aaaaaaaagh! A born again prison missionary! Aghhhhhh! Let me out!” Oscar screamed. But Green Mile Dude grabbed him.

“Oscar, I was looking at fifty years to life in this hell hole for my mistakes in life! Then somebody gave me the good book!” said Green Mile Guy. In a flashback Green Mile Guy was looking ashamed of himself in a prison cell when a fellow prisoner gave him a bible. “I couldn’t read a word or nothing but when I saw Jesus’s warm smile I vowed to spend my fifty years repenting and rescuing lost souls!” The bible was actually Charles Manson’s autobiography...

“Oscar you shall reject Satan!” said Green Mile Guy.

“Why can’t you reject your guy?” Oscar whined.

“Come to Jesus!” Green Mile Guy forced him to look at the cross.

“Shan’t.” said Oscar.

“Feel his power!”

“All I’m feeling right now is my ribs cracking! Don’t squeeze me so hard! I’m a nine year old boy and you are a steroid fuelled gym freak! Be gentle!” said Oscar.

“Open your heart!”

“Ansem the seeker of darkness demanded the same thing...” said Oscar.


“That too...”

“Oscar Tamaki! I will suck out your evil!” said Green Mile Guy.

“I’d rather you didn’t suck anything of mine. Weirdo...” said Oscar.

Green Mile Guy opened his mouth and inhaled like Kirby a dark energy from Oscar that looked really cool! “There. I have sucked out your evil!” said Green Mile Guy.

“Uh no. That was only my pre evil.” said Oscar.

Green Mile Guy inhaled and sucked out more dark matter and energy from Oscar that looked really really awesome as lightning struck.

“Cooooooool!” said Bart.

But something went wrong. Dark Oscar or whatever was an avatar of Oscar’s evil did not want to leave him and took over.

“AaaaaaaAghhhhnnn! No! I won’t! Urge to kill rising!” Oscar cried as he screamed “yugiooooooh! And transformed into Yami Oscar.

“Oh shazbot!” said Bart.

Dark Oscar fired a rain of knives at Green Mile Guy impaling him and killing him. Then Dark Oscar blasted a gaping hole in the ceiling of the cell with Ki energy. “Kamehameha!” And left.

“Oh crap...” said Bart.


Bart went home while Dark Oscar terrorised Springfield.

“Well we’re doomed...” said Bart as Dark Oscar was shooting red lightning at everything.

“Hmmmmmm...” Marge sighed.

Bart went in the kitchen to find Lisa and Hugo working on their ant farms.

“Oh geez! You two are geeking up the kitchen...” Bart sighed.

“Go away Bart...” Lisa said too busy working on her ant farm.

“Well... According to the episode guide I’m supposed to be mean and wreck your ant farm so... Whoops! My hand slipped!” said Bart swiping her ant farm off of the kitchen table. It smashed and ants escaped everywhere.

“My ants!” Lisa cried.

Hugo laughed cruelly as he held his ant farm. Bart shattered it with a wayward rock fired from his slingshot.

“My ant farm! You idiot!” Hugo yelled and strangled Bart.

“Mom! Eccccckkk!” Bart cried as Hugo strangled him.

“Guys stop fighting! Gather up the ants before!” said Lisa but Santa’s Little Helper came bounding in barking and licked up all the ants except one.

“Just one left...” said Lisa rescuing the ant.

“I will never forgive you!” Bart said angrily to Santa’s Little Helper frowning that he didn’t eat that last ant. Santa’s Little Helper licked him. “Aaaaaawwwwws!” Bart cooed and cuddled Santa’s Little Helper.

“Well I’ll never forgive you Bart Simpson!” Lisa yelled at Bart. He licked her. “That just makes me madder! Also gross!”

“I know.” said Bart licking her.

“Bart stop that! Yeeeuck!” said Lisa.


Mr Smithers was put in charge of the plant. However instead of him trying to be nice then finding out Homer and his friends are being out of character taking advantage so he has to be mean... instead for the sake of hilarity he turns Mr Burns’s office into a gay nightclub and plays YMCA by the village people every morning until staff come in.

YMCA plays.

“Young man! There’s no need to feel down! I said, Young man! Pick yourself off the ground! I said young man cos you’re in a new town! There’s no need to be unhappy!”

“Young man! There’s a place you can go! I said, Young man! When you’re short on the dough! You can stay there and I’m sure you’ll find there are many ways to have a good time!”

“It’s fun to stay at the YMCA! YMCA ayyyyhyy!”

“Oh dear God!” Homer was horrified.

Smithers turned the nuclear power industry gay like what happened with steel mills.

A man named Roscoe or Lance was hired as a foreman and several hundred gay men.

“Hellooooooooo!” said Homer’s new co workers in a gay manner.

Homer screamed and ran home.

Plot 3[]

Homer was sobbing in the lounge as a Marge comforts him.

“And Smithers turned the whole power plant gay...” Homer cried.

Upstairs Bart went to see Lisa to apologise.

Lisa had filled up a sandwich bag with sand and the single serving ant.

“Bart don’t go anywhere near Annie...” said Lisa.

“Annie?” Bart asked.

“As in Annie the ant! Like Annie? The little orphan? The sun will come out tomorrow...!” said Lisa breaking out into song.

“I hate tomorrow. I hate it so much!” Charlie the orphan yelled stamping about.

“Um okay...” said Lisa.

“Look I’m sorry! I’m really sorry I killed our ants!” said Bart.

Homer overheard and misheard Bart. “Patty and Selma are dead?! Woohoo!”

“Dad no, tha-“ said Bart.

“Oh I hoped they died horribly!” said Homer.

“Dad uh...” said Bart.

Homer was cheering about Patty and Selma dying when they appeared alive and well. Uh well uh sort of “well” for two chain smokers...

“Aaaaaaaghhhh! G-g-g Hags!” Homer screamed and ran away.

“Uh... I don’t get it...” said Oscar having stopped being evil for now.

“Oz. In America we pronounce Aunt as Ant. So as in my dear Ant Patty and Ant Selma...” said Bart.

“The accent isn’t so strong in whatever State Springfield is in...” said Lisa.


One of the cruel things Smithers did do however was punish Homer and his friends by extracting dangerous asbestos loft insulation bare handed. With out hazmat suits.

“Awwwww... Asbestos?” Homer groaned.

“Cooooool! More asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!” Bart chanted.

“Bart!” Oscar yelled.

Meanwhile in Jail Green Mile Guy was magically alive again. Hey if an electric chair can’t keep him down what hope does Dark Oscar have?! Green Mile Guy saw inmates including Snake and Sideshow Bob threatening and surrounding Mr Burns.

“Leave him alone! He’s mine!” said Green Mile Guy. He grabbed Mr Burns and tied him around his big black neck and shoulders like a scarf. Yes he wore Mr Burns as a scarf...

Green Mile Guy then made bedroom eyes at Sideshow Bob. “See you after the showers, sweet cheeks...”

Sideshow Bob shivered in disgust.

Green Mile Guy then took Mr Burns to his cell and like with Oscar Showed him the path to God and sucked out his evil! “Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrr....” Green Mile Guy got heart burn from swallowing so much evil among other things... you know what happens in prison... “Oh! Heartburn! I need a couple of Rennies...”


At home Bart is talking baby talk to Annie the ant as she is carrying a sugar cube.

“Who’s carrying eighty times her own weight? You are! Yes you are!” said Bart watching the last of Lisa’s ants.

“Bart she’s only carrying sixty times her weight. Our girl is slowing down...” said Lisa.

“Oh that’s so sad...” said Bart melancholic. That means deeply upset use a thesaurus!

In the background walking past Lisa’s bedroom door was Marge struggling to carry an enormous bag of something. Probably kitty litter as Oscar whips her.

“So Hugo’s still mad at you...” said Lisa.

“Yep... that boy can hold a grudge...” said Bart.

Hugo went to get something from Lisa and glared at Bart before leaving.

“Hugo wait.” said Lisa. “When it comes to grudges against Bart for upsetting me and breaking my stuff, I have held so many you won’t believe it...”

“I believe you. I did spend most of my life locked up in the attic so there’s a ninety percent chance possibility that it’s something that happened while I was imprisoned.” said Hugo.

“Well look the point is when I’m mad at Bart I have come so close to not wanting to forgive him. But I have. Even when he broke my thanksgiving diorama... if I can find it to forgive him, you can Hugo...” said Lisa.

Hugo sighed. “Okay... I forgive you Bart...”


Homer and Carl were in Moe’s tavern drinking.

“Well it’s official,” said Lenny coming into the bar. “Smithers is now worse than Mr Burns... instead of releasing hounds, he releases wolverines...” Hugh Jackman as Logan/Wolverine was biting Lenny’s butt.

“No Narrator! That’s stupid! He meant a wolverine! As in the animal...” Homer groaned.

“But mine was funnier, so there!” said Oscar.

Wolverine stopped biting Lenny’s butt to sit down and order a beer.

“Get me a beer mate!” said Wolverine in an Aussie accent.

“Okay but I have to ask for your ID.” said Moe.

“Sure mate. Here’s my driver’s license. Bonza!” said Wolverine handing over his ID.

“It says here you were born in the 1880s! You’re older than that creep Mr Burns!” said Moe.

“Yeah well I do have accelerated healing so in theory I’m immortal.” said Wolverine. “Plus I have these blades that come out of my knuckles.” Wolverine unsheathes his claws/blades.


Meanwhile in jail Mr Burns found God after his evil was sucked out and joined the prison choir, joined the prison Beatles tribute band, made a zen garden and did his laundry. In the prison laundry room Snake put Sideshow Bob in a washing machine and turned it on.

Meanwhile Dark Oscar was arrested and put in a cell with Edward Norton from American history X.

“Holy cow! That man has a Nazi symbol on his chest!” Dark Oscar yelled. Then he remembered that time the Simpsons took Marge to Barnacle Bay. Her favourite childhood place to go on holiday.

However when they arrived the place was a ruin. There were hobos lighting barrel bonfires. Drug dealers under the piers and... “Oh no! Someone put swastikas on the seahorse’s eyes of the merry go round!” Marge sighed.

Oscar laughed.

“Sieg Heil!” said Oscar doing a Nazi salute.

“Yeah this episode is named after a film about white supremacists...” said Dark Oscar.

Meanwhile Lisa got another ant kit and Bart argues with her over it again.

“Bart I’m their mother!” said Lisa.

“Oh no! You are not taking our ants!”

“(Bickering and grunting)”

“Gee I’d hate to have you as a mom!” Bart argued.

“And I’d hate to be your mother!” said Lisa.

“So you should because if you were pregnant with me I’d poo inside you!” said Bart.

“Eeeeeeew! Bart that’s disgusting!” Lisa groaned and ran off leaving Bart with the ants.

“Ants. Meet Madame Magnifying Glass!” said Bart with a magnifying glass. He was going to incinerate them!

In prison Mr Burns and Oscar formed a reluctant team, to expose the warden’s helium addiction. While in his empty office Oscar getting an idea from Peter Griffin, decided to put on the warden’s music records and play them over the speaker system across the prison.

Holler back Girl by Gwen Stefani boomed out of the speakers across the jail. The prisoners were dumbfounded by why this song was playing loudly.

”Cos I ain’t no holler back girl! I ain’t no holler back girl...”

Sideshow Bob monologued to himself pondering what a holler back girl was. “It was probably some fifty four year old fish dog wearing too much make up and skimpy clothes it was too old to wear and probably riddled with some sort of venereal disease...”

As such because of them playing the warden’s record collection he was mad at them.

”Sir I just think you’re being really obtuse!” said Oscar.

”how dare you!” said the warden lying on his desk mimicking an obtuse angle. “I sentence you both to solitary confinement! Now am I being obtuse?”

”No you’re being acute...” said Oscar as we cut back to the warden lying on his desk contorted into an acute angle.

Oscar and Mr Burns shrugged their shoulders at this madness.


At work Homer wasn’t unhappy because of Smithers being tough, but horrified and disgusted because he turned the plant into a big gay nightclub.

YMCA played loudly with disco lights and semi naked muscular men in hot pants working.

”Hot stuff coming through!” said a muscular gay man with blond hair taking a trolly of radioactive ooze off to somewhere.

Homer screamed horrified.

A gay man was monitoring the rivers of the plant. There were mutant creatures swimming about in the radioactive water. “Eeeeeeew! Nasty!” said the gay man in hot pants.

Homer whimpered.

Bart and Lisa in a field released Annie the ant as they were trying to make up. They released her on an ant hill, talked and made up as usual and smiled and held hands.

Then Santa’s little Helper slurped up Annie and ate her.

Bart smiled and Lisa glaring at him yanked away from him.

Some time after Santa’s Little Helper ate Annie. Lisa was at home in her room crying.

Lisa had filled up a sandwich bag with sand and the single surviving ant other than Annie and teared up and sniffled.

“What’s wrong, Lise?” Bart asked.

“All of those years we spent together. Well they’re part of my life forever. I hold the joy with the pain. And the truth is, “I miss you, Annie!” Lisa cried and sobbed and said in floods of tears as she belly-flopped onto her bed and grabbed her pillow and buried her face into it.

“Well time is a healer, and all hearts that break. Are put back together again. Cause love heals the wound it makes.” Bart explained and comforted her.

Maggie and Eric came into Lisa’s room and thanked Lisa but they’re not allowed. Literally. The Homer clone guy forbade them!!

Lisa lifted her face from her pillow and stopped crying and wiped her eyes from her tears.

Her baby brother and sister sucked their pacifiers wanting to come in but a force field would not let them.

Meanwhile Oscar got out of prison. If Bob can, so can Oscar. He broke into the Simpsons and watched Thomas the Tank engine. Because the guy behind all those Homer clones said so.

It is the Sad Story of Henry except instead of being walled up in a tunnel he is banished to the shadow realm.

”I’m banishing you to the Shadow Realm!” said The Fat Controller.

”Nooooooo!” said Henry and he vanished.

”Much better.” said the Fat Controller.

”What the Hell are you watching?!” asked Yami Bakura in disgust.

”I dunno but Ringo Starr is narrating.” said Oscar.


Meanwhile Dick Chaney celebrates Independence Day.

“You will all be spending your Independence Day slaving away in the hot summer sun without pay, lotion or gratitude.” Dick said to his staff.

”Awwwwwww!” They groaned.

”Excellent...” Dick Cheney crossed his fingers and smiled evilly.

”Uh no!” said his RINO (Republican in name only) wife and her lesbian sister in law. Dick’s sister.

”Fine... You will be spending your Independence Day being zapped by giant Oreo UFOs while Will Smith saves the day.” said Dick Cheney.

The UFOs from Independence Day were shooting lasers at everyone while Will Smith flew in a fighter jet and defeated the aliens!

Elsewhere Edward Norton and Edward Furlong played white supremacist racists with Swastika tattoos. The movie American History X was extremely racist!