Adventures in Baby-Getting Marge wants yet another baby and Homer not fixing a leaky faucet in the backyard causes a sinkhole and Marge’s car and Hugo get buried in flaming tires and cemented over when the hole is covered up.
Marge and Homer debate over having another baby. Homer really doesn’t want anymore and in canon Marge makes him out to be a horrible husband just because he doesn’t want to have lots of children and leech off welfare. And Bart is determined to find out where Lisa is going after school.
Plot
The titles are Itchy and Scratchy flying biplanes and shooting each other in a dogfight.
The couch gag is instead another short.
Homer Voting for Mitt Romney
Homer copies the opening to Treehouse of Horror XIX except this election it is between Obama and Romney. Presumably despite the vote rigging last time. Obama still won or in the Simpsons universe he gave it another try and McCain got impeached.
“Oh man... not another election! Oh why do we have to choose our leaders?” Homer whined as he walked down to the polling offices. “Isn’t that what we pay our Supreme Court to do?!”
”Hey if you don’t like it go to Russia!” Leela from Futurama yelled as she escorted Fry and Bender to the polling office to vote.
Grampa Simpson was waving a sign that read “I still like Ike.” Despite that he is dead and that Obama and Romney are the only candidates.
Homer went in. This time Rich Texan was chairing the polling station, instead of Crazy Old Jewish man. Kearney yet again voted despite being in school because there is this weird gag that he has been held back so much he is older than he looks.
“If you’re gonna vote, we’re gonna have to see some photo ID, Partner!” said Rich Texan the rich cowboy tycoon.
“But I’ve lived here all my life!” said Homer.
”You tell him, brother!” said a Somali refugee who apparently spent his entire life in the States never bothering to learn to speak English or study its history and won’t take a citizenship test because Muh rights! I was born here!
”Hey unlike you I am a genuine American.” said Homer.
”No you’re not!” said a Native American/Red Indian with a feathered headdress.
”D’oh!” Homer groaned.
(“Actually the first natives were Paleo-Indians who migrated over from northern Asia by crossing an ice sheet. Before humans, only Glyptodons or giant armadillos lived here.” said Hugo narrating)
Cooool!
“Stopping all Americans voting is for the protection of all Americans.” said Rich Texan.
“But I’m a Forty year old White Guy who didn’t go to college!” said Homer.
Oscar coughed an ahem! cough as he stood in line with his uncle Buck.
”Fine... didn’t graduate from college and only attended long into my adulthood after getting married and having children because I was under qualified for my job.” Homer sighed and corrected himself because continuity damn it! “And I get my news from monitors at the gas station.”
“Okay go in the double wide.” said Rich Texan letting him vote.
Homer went in the wheelchair user booth. The choices were Obama and Mitt Romney.
”Obama? I don’t know... I already got one wife telling me to eat healthy...” I had no idea healthy eating was one of Obama’s policies. “Plus he promised me death panels. And Grampa’s still alive.” Homer calls his own father “Grampa.” And that’s evil Homer! Shame on you!
“Mitt Romney? Well... I heard he wears magic underpants.” said Homer.
”Coooool!” said Oscar because he can hear Homer talking to himself in the booth.
“But I expect the leader of the free world to go commando!” said Homer. Not wear underwear basically.
“Plus his horse totally choked at the Olympics.” said Homer jabbering on.
“On the other hand he did invent Obama Care...” said Homer. No that was Obama you idiot!
”And knowing what happened last time I voted, this machine is probably rigged to only allow votes to Romney anyway so oh well...” said Homer voting for Romney.
”Death to righties!” That one bearded guy in the White L shirt from the Leftorium owner’s meeting yelled.
”Oh shut up!” Oscar yelled.
The voting booth spoke in a female tone. “Thank you for voting for Mitt Romney.” It printed out paper. “You May now see his tax returns.”
Homer read the tax returns. “Wow... medical deduction for personality transplant? He’s got six wives! All called Ann?!” Cooool! I bet he has all of them beheaded... “(gasp)! The government paid him taxes for five years! I have to tell the press!”
The Voting booth opened and a tube sucked him in again.
”Oh god no! Not again! Why does this keep happening to me!” Homer screamed.
“You are now being outsourced.” said the machine as it sucked him in.
“Oh I hate being sucked into tubes...” Homer whined.
He was sent to a sweatshop factory in China to do hard labour.
“Oh well, at least I have a steady job.” said Homer.
Selma was outsourced...
”D’oh Homer groaned. “Oh well... No boss can be as bad and cruel as Mr Burns...” said Homer.
”A hoy hoy! Me am chineeeeeese if you prease! Gleetings ferrow emproyees!” said Chinese Burns. Ouch that’s painful...
”We call ‘em Indian burns in the states...” Bart said over the narration.
”Ooooooooooh!” Homer screamed. “Oh well can’t get any worse.
Ned was outsourced by the voting booth.
”Why hi Diddly ho! Homerino!” said Ned in a friendly manner.
Homer screamed and got up from his work space and ran for the window and jumped out to kill himself. However he landed in the net laid out to stop worker’s committing suicide by jumping out the window.
”Oh Smithers... Ah soM ah so! Another jumper...” said Chinese Burns.
”D’oh!” Homer groaned lying in the anti suicide net.
...
Adventures in Baby Getting
The main story starts one day in the backyard Marge is humming a tune while pouring in a sugary substance into the humming bird feeder and water. It foams up with a pink foam.
“Hummingbirds! Hum and get it! Ahehehehehe!” Marge giggled.
“Get out.” Ace told her to get off screen because she was not funny.
Hummingbirds chirp and land on the bird feeder and drink from it. They weigh it down as they get fatter and fatter.
Snowball II waits under the bird feeder meowing and flicking her tail waiting to catch and eat one of the hummingbirds. However a fat one falls on her head knocking her out. She yelps as she is knocked out.
The garden faucet that is used for the hose and sprinkler was dripping.
”Homer, the faucet is dripping.” Marge explained.
“I’ll get right on it.” said Homer lying in his non magical clone making hammock drinking a can of Duff beer.
That winter...
It is now winter and the lawn is white with snow and one of Bart’s grotesque snow men is on the lawn.
Marge wrapped up in warm furry clothes and her breath visible from the cold sees the faucet has an icicle dripping from it.
”Homer, when are you going to fix this faucet?” Marge asked.
Homer is wrapped up warm in heavy winter clothes lying in his hammock drinking beer. The beer van is stuck to his lips because it is so cold. He pulls it off from his lips. “I’m on it! Sheesh!”
That spring.
It is now spring. Blue flowers are growing everywhere. The faucet is still dripping.
”Homer, are you gonna fix this faucet or not?” Marge was annoyed now.
“For the third time this year... yes!” Homer yelled lying in his hammock drinking beer.
Marge grumbled annoyed.
A drop of water dropped out of the faucet like so many others before it and it went underground and down a channel worn in the Earth by the constant dripping, passing skeletons of the Tracy Ullman Shorts Simpsons and passing a skeleton of a T. rex with a caveman skeleton riding on top.
”Hey! Now cut that out! Imbeciles...” Hugo yelled popping on screen to get annoyed by this insult to palaeontology.
Then the drop fell into a reservoir of underground water. The earth underneath gave way and the water washed out. Leaving a hollow gap under Springfield. As an ominous theme plays...
...
Marge is driving the kids about.
”I’ll get to it Marge... I’ll get to it...” Marge muttered annoyed as she drove about. “When we first got married it would only take six months to do things!”
“Mom... how come you didn’t do my maths last night?” Bart whined looking at his homework which hadn’t been done.
”Now I know you’re just being Lazy Bart!” Lisa snapped. “Your teacher lives next door for goodness sake!”
Suddenly the road underneath them gave way,
”uh?”
”Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” They fell into a very deep sink hole.
Bart recovered from the fall first. “Oh no! Lisa’s face!” He gasped.
Everyone gasped.
”It’s the same! A hahahahaha!” Bart laughed.
Lisa grumbled annoyed at him.
”We appear to fave fallen into a sink hole.” said Hugo.
”Everyone relax.” said Marge. “There’s an emergency sinkhole kit in here somewhere.” She looked in the glove compartment that contains different things simply because the pot demands so. She went through the disaster kits. There was an Earthquake kit. “No...” A Tsunami kit. Marge hmmmmmmed because that wasn’t what they needed. And a zombie apocalypse kit! Cooooool!
”Zombies! Braaaaaaaaains!” Oscar groaned like a zombie.
”Ah! Voila!” Marge found the sinkhole kit.
Marge took out a blue thing and pulled its cord and threw it. It inflated into a big staircase tall enough to allow them to climb out.
”Oh... we gotta climb stairs?! Forget it...” Bart groaned.
”No one is staying in the sink hole!” Marge nagged.
Bart sighed and got out. “Lousy surface dwellers...” Omg! He’s a Mole People! XD!
As they went to the inflatable staircase a police car fell into the hole and Wiggum got out.
He adjusted his belt. “So, what seems to be the problem, ma’am?”
“We’re in a sink hole, Chief...” said Marge.
...
Kent reported on the sink hole. Yadda yadda etc,
He was interviewing Comic Book Guy. “This sink hole is larger than the Sarlacc pit that swallowed Boba Fett but smaller than the Geonosis arena where Jango Fett was beheaded by Mace Windu!”
”Aren’t those places about the same size?!” Kent asked. No! The arena is far bigger than the great pit of Carkoon!
”I didn’t know this was an ambush!” said Comic Book Guy.
Then Kent went to Moe’s to interview Moe etc.
“Eh, you know, in this town you learn to adjust to things... Runaway monorails, Burlesque houses, the sun being blocked by a giant disk... faulty dams... walls of garbage... NASCAR Star Jeff Gordon.” said Moe.
”Hi Moe!” said Jeff Gordon walking past.
”Eh, bet you didn’t think we’d be seeing him ever again? Eh?” said Moe.
Barney then went home across the unsteady makeshift bridge Moe made but fell in the hole.
”Yeah, stay down there with the rest of the traitors!” Moe yelled.
”That hole better get sorted... Oscar’s already making 300 references...” Homer sighed.
At the edge of the sink hole King Leonidas from 300 was threatening a Persian messenger.
”No man! No one threatens a messenger!” The messenger begged.
”You bring me the heads of conquered kings! You threaten my people with slavery and death! And you insult my queen! Oh I have my words carefully, Persian... perhaps you should have done so as well...” snarled King Leonidas.
“You’re a mad man! A mad man!” The Persian messenger yelled.
”A mad maaaaaan!” Bender screamed.
”This is blasphemy! This is madness!” The Persian messenger yelled.
”Madness... THIS IS SPAAAAAAARTTTTAAAAA!” King Leonidas screamed and kicked the Persian messenger into the sink hole.
Bart sweat dropped as he sat in the class room at school.
...
At Home as the watched the news. The Simpsons saw Wiggum had gotten out of the pit and proposed a solution to the sink hole. “We propose that we handle this problem with another, by bulldozing all the flaming tires from the tire fire into the hole.”
They do so as bulldozers push loads of flaming tires into the hole.
Marge gasps horrified because her car was still down there. “My car!”
Flaming ire’s pour into the hole burying her car.
”Mom!” Hugo was in her car still trying to get out.
”My baby!” Marge gasped.
”Oh well.... good riddance...” said Homer.
Oscar angrily threw a lamp at him.
”Ow! What the?!” Homer cried in pain.
”And Marge! How could you leave him down there!?” Oscar said annoyed.
”I didn’t know he was still in the car!” said Marge.
The tires in the hole were covered with tarmac and cement as a new road was built on top.
Marge and Oscar gasped.
”We have conquered the hole with its worst fear... filling it with stuff...” said Mayor Quimby.
Marge sighed.
...
After school.
Every kid cheered as they left school and got on the bus.
“So just as my dad finishes his online degree in sinkhole engineering. They go and fill it in!” said Milhouse to Bart.
“Are the credits transferable?” Bart asked.
“No...” said Milhouse.
”That Guy has a bone to pick with the board of regents.” said Bart.
Lisa was going about sneaky and did not get on the school bus as she went off somewhere.
”Hey, Lisa’s not getting on the bus!” said Bart.
“Where she going?” asked Milhouse.
”I dunno.” said Bart as Lisa went off somewhere where Bart couldn’t see her. “Dork farm? Who cares...”
”She never doesn’t do what she’s supposed to do! This is major!” said Milhouse.
“Fine... We’ll follow her...” said Bart.
“Well, if they ain’t getting on the boss. Neither am I!” said Otto getting off of the bus while the handbrake is off so it rolls off down the road.
“Yaaaaaaay! I’m going to a accident!” Ralph cheered.
”I had an accident!” Oscar grinned explaining he wet his diaper. “Now to drive us all into Carlos’s immune system! The magic school bus! Doo doo doo!” He took the wheel of the bus and sung The Magic School BUs theme while driving somewhere.
Bart and Milhouse hiding in the bushes saw Lisa taking a cab.
”She’s taking a cab?! I’m worried! Does she even know how much to tip?!” Milhouse asked.
The cab drove off when Lisa shut the door. But a piece of paper fell out. Bart decided to read it.
“What’s it say?” Milhouse asked.
”The five boxing wizards jump quickly.” said Bart. “Whoa! My sister suddenly became mildly interesting...”
Milhouse grinned. “Sounds like a case for the Detecti-pals!” That sounds so lame... “Taxi!” He flags down a taxi but it just ignores him. “Ooooooh... they never stop for blue heads...”
Bart’s Mom, Marge was on the other side of the road trying to take a cab. She waved one down but it ignored her and continued rushing past making her spin until she was dizzy. “Oh you inconsiderate! I need to take a cab into town to take my daughter for her check up! My car was buried under the sink hole!” Marge ranted.
”Get a bus...” said cabbies.
...
Marge went to a car garage to buy a new car, as you do...
”What about that All terrain vehicle Dad bought that he was mocked for because it turned out to be a ladies car...” said Bart.
”Ooooooh! Stupid continuity!” said Marge.
”Respect the continuity!” Comic Book Guy yelled.
In town was a traffic jam of angry people honking their horns.
”Move it ass hole!” People yelled etc.
”Oooooh! Cool your jets...” Oscar replied as he wore industrial headphones a Bob the builder hat and was operating a jackhammer. He was digging up the road covering the sink hole.
”You are not licensed to perform road works!” A man yelled.
”A boy’s life is at stake here!” Oscar yelled.
Suddenly the ground shook violently and cracked. Oscar shut off the jackhammer and ran to the sidewalk as Hugozilla bursted out of the road growling.
”Hugey!” Oscar squealed.
”Elementary, my dear Oscar.” said Hugo returned back to normal from his Hugozilla form. “Wow that Monster serum worked like a charm!”
”Yeah but now everyone is annoyed they can’t use the road...” said Oscar.
A line of cars honked their horns and the drivers shouted and swore.
Marge bought a car the sleazy salesman tried to charge an extra 4,000 for because he thought she was single because she was buying the car for herself.
”I will be speaking with your manager!” Marge said annoyed at him conning her.
”I am the manager...” said the guy.
Marge stormed off angry.
She went to buy a car from Old Gil.
Plot 2
Like the beginning of Diatribes of a mad housewife. Homer is at Krusty burger being gluttonous as usual.
“Let’s see... I’ll have 16 gravy scrape ‘ems, a bucket of twisty lard, and two super chicken burritos with macho sauce.” Macho sauce was probably very spicy...
“And mega size it!” Homer added.
”I can deep fry the bag too, sir...” said Squeaky Voiced Teen.
”Brilliant!” said Homer. “Oh and to drink. A diet cola. I am watching my weight!”
Squeaky Voiced Teen sighed.
Homer got his order of loads of unhealthy things like burgers and unknown meat nuggets etc.