A Test Before Trying The taxes are hiked up so the school has to make serious cutbacks, Transcripts dot forever dreaming mistakes Bart’s cowboy duel leitmotif for the Halloween theme so Michael Myers cameos and Roz from Monster’s Inc is the state proctor who warns if the school’s test scores are too low after this semester the school will have to shut. Bart decides to be cruel and avoid studying as usual in hope he fails and gets the school shut when he is the last student to take the test. Lisa and Hugo berate him for this.
And Homer sets up a false parking meter to make extra money but Oscar being moronic as usual mistakes it for a monster from Earthbound and sets Ness on it.
The title gag is Radioactive Man flying with his new wife, a lady super hero. I don’t know. I don’t read Radioactive Man.
The Bill Board gag is “Krusty, live from Rehab! 5pm.” He looks very unkempt and grey and unwell.
The chalkboard gag is “I will obey Oscar campaign rules from now on.”
”Coooooool! You have to obey me...” said Oscar chuckling.
”No Oz... not you... the Oscars...” Bart sighed.
The Couch gag is a parody of action movie trailers, particularly Michael Bay as the Simpsons one by one head to the living room dramatically to sit on the couch. Then there’s an explosion and a baritone narrator with a deep powerful voice!
“And in retrospect, city officials regret holding the gang truce negotiations at Santa's Village.“ said Kent reading the Channel 6 news. There was a poster or artist rendition of a medieval assassin holding Yendor from Happy Little Elves hostage. With the the message “Ho Ho Hostage?” Cooooool!
”Coooooool!” Oscar cooed. Thinking a gang truce negotiation, that probably ended up in a violent gun battle, taking place in Santa’s village was cool.
”Quiet boy. The news is on.” said Homer watching the news.
“In other news, we're about to go live to Mr. Burns' announcement of his annual rate hike.” said Kent. There was now a digital artist’s cartoon picture of Mr Burns pointing a gun at a screaming light bulb headed character. Coooooool! The slogan was “Rate Misbehaviour.
Oscar screamed. “No don’t shoot Mr Lightbulb! No!”
”Oz stop being stupid!” Homer groaned.
Everyone was in town waiting for Mr burns to raise their taxes again. “ Springfielders are about to find out how much their electricity bills will go up.” I just explained that Kent!
“I'm being told that Mr. Burns is approaching the lectern now.” Mr Burns has arrived.
(Angry yelling and jeering.)
”You suck, Mr Burns!”
”Smithers! are these people saying boo or boo-urns?” Mr Burns felt slighted.
”Um I believe they’re saying boo-urns, sir.” said Smithers.
”No we were yelling Boooooooo!” said Krusty smoking a cigar.
”I was saying Boo-urns...” Hans Moleman whined.
“Apparently there are a few stairs he's struggling to climb.” Mr Burns can’t climb stairs... “He's up the stairs but is now being buffeted by the breeze.” said Kent commentating.
“Accursed zephyr!” Mr Burns muttered.
“And they've put some rocks in his pocket and... we're ready to go.” said Kent.
Moe dressed as a burglar ran up behind Mr Burns and whacked him with a crowbar. “Oh and a masked vigilante just assaulted Mr Burns. Smithers is reviving him with smelling salts and... we’re good to go.”
”Damn!” Moe snapped.
Mr Burns stood at the lectern addressing the angry crowd who hated him.
“To decide how much your electricity bills will rise, I've assembled a team of distinguished economists and placed plausible rate hike percentages on their backs.” Mr Burns explained. “Now we will use unfettered free market principles to arrive at a number. Release the hounds.”
Mr Burn’s hounds chased the economists. They fled in fear.
“Notice how the Keynesians climb trees while the Austrian school economists hide under rocks.” said Mr Burns. People were hiding in the trees or under things from the hounds.
“That is fascinating, sir.” said Smithers.
A man tried to escape the hounds by climbing a fence but the hounds caught him and pulled him down and mauled him as he screamed.
”Why does Mr Burns always pull these cruel stunts?!” Lisa whined annoyed and angry at Mr Burns.
”Really should have let me kill him...” Oscar sighed annoyed.
“And there you have it, folks, rates will rise a healthy 17%.” said Mr Burns.
People mutter and groan.
”And now, to help you disperse...” said Mr Burns.
“Let me guess, you're going to release the hounds again....” said Kirk. And Ruth was back in Springfield for some reason.
”Oh, don't be silly. Release the radioactive steam.” Mr Burns chuckled. He instructed his goons to release the radioactive steam. Green radioactive steam was released and people fled screaming.
At Channel six studios.
Electricity costs are going up 17%. (Laughter) This station can't afford that. We're barely keeping the lights on as it is!” said Kent. This jinxed things as suddenly and ironically the lights all went out, plunging the News studio into darkness.
“I know it's a kid's show, but I got to see you topless.” said Krusty, who’s eyes were the only thing visible in the darkness asked a make up artist lady/Anchor’s secretary.
”This isn't your dressing room...” Kent groaned.
”I know, but the monkey's got a girl in my dressing room.“ said Krusty.
In Krusty’s darkened dressing room, Mr Teeny the chimp was snogging a girl chimp. Probably that ice skating chimp that throws her diapers at people.
Springfield General Hospital.
“The decision to pull the plug is never easy. Particularly with the 17% rate hike.” Dr Hibbert explained to Hans Moleman and his wife and children. Yes he’s married and has kids!
“Do I get a vote?” Hand Moleman whined.
”That's just air escaping his lungs.“ said his son as the wrinkled um boy? pulled the plug. Oh my god! He’s so merciless!
The Simpsons house, Kitchen.
“Oh, I guess we'll be peeling our shrimp by hand this year.” Marge sighed tossing a shrimp peeling machine in the bin. You can’t peel your own shrimps?! Well they are annoying to peel...
”We can keep the shrimp de-veiner, though, right?” Homer asked.
”I'm afraid not.“ said Marge tossing away a machine that de-veins shrimps. “And this goes, too.”
”When I found out shrimp cocktails had no alcohol, I really lost interest.“ said Homer.
”Good cocktail sauce has brandy in it.” said Oscar.
”Woohoo!” Homer cheered and ate a prawn cocktail except the lettuce.
”I’m not really bothered. I can’t eat shrimp. I’m allergic remember?” Bart chipped in.
”Quiet boy!” said Homer.
Fourth Grade class. Mrs Krabappel/Flanders.
”Is Bart Simpson in today or has he got some sort of mysterious illness again...” Mrs Krabappel sighed.
”No I’m here Mrs Kra- I mean Mrs Flanders.” said Bart.
”It’s okay Bart. I don’t mind being addressed by my former married name. I haven’t got round to getting my desk tidy changed to Mrs Flanders anyway.” said Edna.
”Haw Haw! You married Ned!” Nelson laughed.
“Children, we can no longer afford to use anything electric.“ said Mrs Flanders... they are an odd couple... hehehe! “ However, we will still be able to watch today's film, thanks to the magic of potato power.” There was a potato plugged into the projector. Or it was wired up to the potato. “Thanks to Martin and Hugo’s zany but true knowledge that you can use lemons and potatoes as batteries.”
Martin nodded smugly. Hugo waved sheepishly as everyone stared daggers at him menacingly.
Mrs Krabappel or Flanders put the projector on. It worked because of the power of potatoes!
However the projectors need for electricity was too much for the potato and it exploded! Spraying cooked potato everywhere.
”Sometimes Y. The story of a vowel that goes both ways.” said a narrator on the film. Um it’s a consonant.
”Like a bisexual...” said Ted Turner sitting in class for some reason.
”Yes Ted, that’s the joke...” said Bart.
”Y is a consonant... not a vowel... Although I think the film is trying to explain it can be used as one.” said Martin. Nelson threw a heavy book at him and he yelled as it beaned him.
When the potato exploded the projector lost power and shut off.
“Emergency meeting in the faculty lounge. BYOB.” said Skinner popping in. BYOB means bring your own bottle. Um I don’t think Edna should be drinking.
“Well, class, I don't mind leaving you, because one of you is my spy.” said Edna.
“You said you weren't going to tell!” Milhouse yelled. Everyone glared at him. Even Bart. “Oh, wait, you didn't. So no one knows who the Milhouse is.” Milhouse laughed sheepishly as Bart and everyone else continued to glare at him.
”The school is broke. I had to sell all the trombone mutes.“ said Dewey Largo.
(wah-wah) Nelson was outside making Wah Wah! Sounds with them.
“Ooooooh! Why did I sell one to Nelson?!” Dewey Largo whined.
(wah-wah) Nelson made a Wah Wah sound again.
”Jeepers! Nelson can speak the language of the grownups!” Charlie Brown gasped.
”Ask him what they are talking in about in those Wah Wah sounds!” Linus Van Pelt asked.
”Guys I don’t actually understand what the grown ups in Peanuts comics are saying...” Nelson groaned.
Fourth grade classroom. Minus Mrs Krabappel because she went to a staff meeting.
”Okay nark. You should know by now what we do to narks... even if it they won’t tattle...” Bart cracked his knuckles menacingly.
”But I won’t squeal! When have I squealed?!” Milhouse whined.
We cut to Bart Sells His Soul
(Crow squawks) An angry looking crow or raven squawks.
”Quoth the raven.” said Edgar Allen Poe.
”Ahhhhh! It was Bart! He did it!” Milhouse screamed.
”On... that...” said Milhouse realising.
Bart clicked his fingers and Lewis, Richard, Boy with Shades, A girl with pigtails and a Greaser kid yanked Milhouse out from his chair and dragged him off somewhere screaming.
”And just to be sure... We’ll tie up and gag Martin and stuff him in the portable toilets outside too.” said Bart. “Dagnabbit, where is Nelson when you need him?”
“He left class shortly after Mrs K and is now outside with the trombone mutes making the Wah Wah sound Grownups make in the Peanuts comics...” Hugo explained.
In the staff faculty the kettle whistled.
“Hmm. Sounds better than half the kids in the band.” said Dewey Largo. How rude!
”So does a leaf blower.“ said Willie, the groundskeeper and janitor, in a teacher’s meeting...
”Look, the district can't afford to keep every school open, so all the kids will take a standardized test. Whichever school scores the lowest will be closed forever.“ said Super Intendant Chalmers.
“So you're saying, if our kids don't pass this test, you're shutting down Springfield Elementary?” Skinner asked.
“I don't teach to the test. I teach 'em to dodge balls. Things they can use in life! bombardment!” said Coach Krupt, the gym teacher who tosses dodgeballs at people.
”How is that useful? Ow!” asked Skinner before a dodgeball was tossed aggressively at him.
“We all came here to avoid scrutiny.” said Edna smoking. “Who else would hire a lunch lady accused of poisoning her husband?” Oh my god!
“Never convicted. They couldn't find the body.” said Lunch Lady Doris. Oh god! “Anyone care for some chicken-Pete pie?” She offered a pie clearly containing her husband’s remains... Mmmmmmmm... Mrs Lovett...
”Did you say "chicken-Pete pie"?“ Chalmers gasped.
“His friends called him Pete.“ said Lunch Lady Doris.
”Now let’s not judge...” said Skinner standing up for a lunch lady who murdered her husband!! “We all remember when our last school chef, Stanley DeGroot murdered up to twenty children and served their heads in the Tuesday stew....“
”Dark Stanley wants to eat my brains!” The school psychologist screamed and ran out the staff room.
”And that time we all became vicious cannibals and ate all the kids...” said Miss Hoover.
”Yes but still!” said Chalmers.
“Good-bye, my electrical friends.” said Homer tossing away microwave ovens and other appliances. “I can't afford to use you, so I'm doing what any good American would do: throw you away.”
“No Master! Please!” The Brave Little Toaster begged as Homer threw him away. Along with Kirby the vacuum cleaner and the blanket thing and Phil Hartman as an air conditioner....
”Narrator no!” Homer groaned.
Homer gasps when he sees a parking meter. “A parking meter! He gasped again. “And it still works!” he plays about with it. “This could come in handy. Hehehehe!” He’s planning to do something illegal and annoying again, like when he was a tow truck driver or when he ran a telemarking scam...
”Ah, ah, ah, but let me check that list of things Marge said never to bring home.“ Homer read a list. “Dogs, cats, octopuses, octopi, octopuseseseses...”
“Parking meter, you're working for me now.” said Homer taking the parking meter.
“Mannequin heads, you're working for me now.” Moe had a trolley of mannequin heads.
”I don’t care what Marge said! Nearly air drowned octopus. You’re coming home with me!” said Oscar taking a nearly dead octopus dumped in the garbage home.
”Lot of people at the dump today.” said Homer.
At the school. Dramatic music plays as a scary black truck turns up. It is labelled Department for Standardised Testing. A heavy set lady gets out followed by two associates. And they go in the school.
As they march up the hallway we pan up to reveal the heavy set woman has short bleached blond hair and glasses and kinda resembles a human Roz, from Monster’s inc.
In the staff room.
“The proctors are here. Their leader seems to be a woman.” said Skinner.
”And....?” Oscar asked as he has to be there to narrate. “So what if she’s a woman?! Besides I’ve just seen her Skinner. She looks like a human version of Roz from Monster’s Inc....”
“Catalog poses.” said Chalmers. They all, including Oscar take studious poses as if they’re studying or marking homework.
Roz in human form and the proctors arrived.
We cut to all the kids doing an exam with multiple choice answers where you fill in the ovals. Suddenly John Carpenter’s Halloween theme plays! Cooooool!
”Oscar! Stop disrupting the other children!” Skinner yelled.
Suddenly Michael Myers bursted in and stabbed Skinner from behind killing him.
The kids screamed and fled.
”Oz no!” Bart groaned.
”Aaaaaaaagh! Run! It’s Michael Myers!” Oscar screamed. Michael was chasing them.
”This is stupider than that time you kept making Jason Voorhees attack us every time Ned’s Boy Scout group went camping...” Hugo sighed.
”Okay fine! We just spent the music budget asking John Carpenter to use the Halloween theme for a scene montage of us in an exam filling in the ovals... Richard’s pencil lead broke... Ralph didn’t fill in the ovals properly... Milhouse wrote on his shirt again... The eraser broke off of Lewis’s pencil, a kid wrote HELP in his ovals and Willie brushed a pile of exhausted kids into the corner... you happy now?!” Oscar ranted.
”At least that made sense! Instead you want Michael Myers killing everyone!!” Bart retorted.
”Not everyone... I was gonna summon Will Smith to toss him into outer space again...” said Oscar.
“When will they finish grading those tests?“ Skinner sighed as he paced up and down the staff room with Chalmers.
“I hate waiting; that's why I hate risotto.” said Chalmers.
”Even mushroom risotto?“ Skinner asked.
“What do you think?!” said Chalmers as that was a stupid question...
Roz came in.
“So... (chuckles nervously) ...how'd we do?” asked Skinner sitting down. Roz the proctor sat down.
“Not as bad as the worst school in the state.“ said Roz from Monsters Inc.
”Oh, thank God.“ said Skinner relieved.
“You did worse than the worst school in the state, which now makes this school the worst school in the state.” said Human Roz raising her voice.
“Why did you say that to us in the meanest way you could?” Skinner whined.
”To show you that there's no way out.” said Roz. “Except...”
“Except what?” Skinner asked.
”No, I meant you should accept your terrible fate.” said Roz.
“Oh.” Skinner sighed miserable.
The Staff room, all the teachers are there to Proctor Clarkson aka Roz from Monster’s Inc can give them a dressing them.
“This place is worse than the elementary school in prison!” Roz yelled. “This student filled in everything but the ovals!” A student somehow painted his or her answer sheet black and Tipex-ed out the ovals!
“In art school he'd be a genius.” said Skinner.
“This isn't an art school!” Roz snapped.
”We tried to have ourselves accredited as one, but no one here could, uh, draw the pirate.“ said Skinner.
“I drew a pirate.” said Oscar holding a picture of Painty the Pirate from Spongebob.
”Congratulations Oscar. We can now apply to be an art school... if we weren’t being shut down...” said Skinner.
Outside the kids were lined up in a formation and there were lines of school buses.
“Children, Groundskeeper Willie will direct you to your new school district. Any correlation to your talents, needs, or friends is completely coincidental.” said Skinner miserable.
“Sherri, you're going to West Ogdenville.” said Willie Reading a register.
Homer with a parking meter screamed. “Damn Ogdenvillians!”
”Hinger Dinger Durgern!” said an Ogdenville man as they are Norwegian.
“Terri, North Haverbrook.” said Willie, separating the twins.
Lyle Lanley the con artist who built dangerously built monorails in places like North Havenbrook screamed.
“But we've never been separated!” said Sherri.
“I'm not sure we can even live apart!” said Terri. As they departed they aged rapidly.
“Stop your whinging. It's not like you're losing a rake or a backhoe.” Willie barked.
“I told you! I borrowed your rakes Willie to torture Sideshow Bob by laying them about for him to step on...” Oscar explained.
“Nelson, you're off to Arkham Elementary School for the Criminally lnsane!”
The Joker was driving a grey school bus and laughing. Then it exploded.
”Cooooool!” said Oscar.
Bart arrived whistling.
“Well, I'm glad you're not upset.” Lisa spoke coldly and annoyed at him. “All my extra credit points are like frequent flyer miles on a bankrupt airline.”
“And uh my extra credit points too bro. Matt really won’t write any more material for me....” Hugo added.
”Because he is a douchebag...” said Oscar annoyed at Matt.
“Hey, don't blame me. I didn't even take the test.” said Bart.
Lisa gasped. “You didn't? Is there no limit to your disrespect?“
”Eh, I had something better to do.” said Bart. We cut to him in a field somewhere torturing a poor bug.
Bart laughing maniacally as he tortures a bug by blocking its path with his palm and watching it scuttle about. “Driving you crazy instead of pulling off your legs. I've really matured.”
Back at the school.
“Wait a minute. If you take the test now, your score could raise the average and save the school!” said Lisa. She ran inside.
“Aaaawwww! But I don’t want to save the school...” Bart whined.
”You can be right prat sometimes Bro! You know that?!” Hugo snapped.
“Proctor Clarkson, one student still hasn't taken the test!” said Lisa bursting into the staff room.
“Let it be Martin, let it be Martin.“ Mrs Krabappel aka Flanders prayed.
”It's Bart.“ Lisa sighed.
”I have an aunt named Hope. Perhaps you'd like to kill her as well!” Skinner snapped.
”Sure! Let’s kill Aunt Hope Skinner! Or Aunt Hope Tamzarian, if that stupid storyline is still canon...” said Oscar being stupid.
The school hall. Chalmers is talking to Skinner while Bart is present.
“Bart will take his exam first thing tomorrow morning.” said Chalmers.
Bart looked bored.
”Bart, I'm begging you to try and study.” Skinner pleaded.
”When I think begging, I don't imagine someone standing up.“ said Bart bored.
Skinner bent upon his knees. “Please Bart!”
”Sorry, I can't grant a favor to someone I don't respect anymore.” said Bart walking off.
”You can spin in my chair!“ Skinner begged.
”Wheeeeeeeeee!” Bart yelled with joy as he came down the hall spinning in Skinner’s red office chair.
”Spinner!“ Chalmers yelled. “Slow down.”
I have no idea why Chalmers simply doesn’t use his magic teaching skills from Bart Stops to Smell The Roosevelts to magically reform Bart into a model student...
The streets of Springfield for Homer’s B story.
Stock elevator music plays. Doooo dooo dooo!
Homer is lugging his parking meter about.
Homer chuckles as he puts his parking meter in place and moves some bin bags near it. He then hides in the bushes.
Ned arrived in his GEO.
“Well, sure the Lord wouldn't have placed his meter there if he didn't want me to park.” said Ned. He tried to park in the small gap between a blue and orange car and grunted as he got out with difficulty. Homer watched him pay.
”Hehehehe! This is the easiest money I've ever made!” Homer chuckled quietly. “Lugging around a 90-pound parking meter!
Ned tried to put his credit card in the parking meter.
“It's not that kind.” said Homer doing a silly voice for God.
”I don’t sound like that! Swindling mortal!! God Boomed.
Ned put some coins in.
Once he left, Homer took the parking meter and laughed.
“All right, now to drag the meter to the next idiot!” said Homer. It was a very heavy parking meter.
”Oh, God, my back!” (laughing) “Suckers.”
”Oh, my disks are grinding!” (laughing) “Easy money.” (grunting)
There was another musical montage to the song Ch-ch-changes by David Bowie of Homer scamming people.
First The Great Raymundo pays with a coin magically from his ear.
Then Krusty’s colourful clown car pulls up at a methadone clinic and loads of clowns spill out and pay the fake parking meter and run in the clinic to get their methadone.
Some Clownjas looked confused. They’re druggie clowns who need to go to rehab...
Then Homer puts his parking Meter on the docks to charge Sea Captain when he moors his ship in the docks. Homer was waiting under water holding his breath.
The Simpson house one late evening.
Bart is in his room with Changes by David Bowie playing loudly from a radio somewhere as he studies. Well actually he is vandalising a book on American presidents.
”Nice wig, Grandma!” Abraham Lincoln said to George Washington.
”At least I can take a bullet!” George Washington retorted.
Bart laughed maniacally.
“Thanks for the freedom of speech, dorks!” said Bart.
”Oh so you’d rather live in a tyrannical dictatorship where the despot could have you sent to a gulag or death camp or even had you shot for insulting him... That’s real nice Bro...” Hugo sighed.
”Will you shut up?!” Bart snapped.
Homer whistled as he dragged a massive sack of coins up the stairs. He sees Bart in his room with Hugo. “Uh, we're cool, right, boy?” Homer asks if he will keep quiet and not ask questions.
”Nothing a few George Washingtons won't solve.“ Bart asks for a bribe.
”Deal.” Homer gives him some coins and chuckles.
Homer grunts as he ties up the sack and lays it down like a pillow and falls asleep on it. “Now, to sleep the sleep of the just....” Homer goes asleep on the landing and snores. Maggie stumbles about and puts coins on his eyes! XD! She is funny!
At School. The halls.
Where are you going now Proctor Clarkson?” Skinner asked Roz.
”I’ve given your appalling staff a mauling. Now I’m cutting loose on your pupils! Call em all in for an assembly immediately!” Roz barked.
Skinner sighed and went his office.
”All children head to the assembly hall. Aka the gym...” said Skinner.
There was an assembly.
”Children your performance on this standardised test was miserable. Your parents will all be receiving phone calls instructing them to love you less now.” said Roz on stage.
”Awwwwwwwwww!” The kids whined.
”Proctor that was just mean...” Chalmers sighed.
Dramatic cowboy music played as Bart arrived humming and whistling.
Everyone pleaded with him to pass the test.
”God speed, old chum!” said Martin.
“Pass the test and your lunch money is yours.” said Nelson.
“I'm a kid you've never seen, and I speak for all the kids you've never seen.” said a new kid. “Do it, man, or you'll never see us again.”
“I don’t want to ever see you again, newbie...” said Bart rudely.
Bart went in the exam room but he noticed his pencil was blunt.
“Principal Skinner, could you help me sharpen this pencil?” Bart asked Skinner in a cute manner.
“I guess a little circular grinding might relax me.” Mmmmmm... grinding....
Skinner sharpened Bart’s pencil and then sent him in the exam room.
Bart came out worried and reluctant.
“I can't do this. I'm not ready.” said Bart.
”You really didn't study?“ Skinner asked.
”Well, I slept on my books, so I might have gotten something through osmosis.“ said Bart.
“So, you know what osmosis is?” Skinner asked hopeful.
”Uh, pajamas?“ Bart asked.
Oscar laughed hysterically. “Pajamas...”
“Let me make this crystal clear to you, Simpson. If you don't pass this test, it will destroy the school.” said Skinner.
Bart laughed maniacally.
Lisa glared at him as she went to class.
“Our entire school riding on that coffee can head of yours.” said Skinner.
“It’s a paint can sir. And my chin is a tuna can and my eyes are tennis balls...” said Bart holding a book on how to draw the Simpsons.
“We've got to get you more time to study. But how?” Skinner asked.
”Pull the fire alarm. I'd do it, but everyone's looking at me.“ said Bart.
Bart went back in the exam room.
“What to do, what to do?” Skinner pondered.
“Don't do it, Seymour. You've never broken school rules. Ever!” said Skinner’s shoulder angel.
”You wimp!” Agnes as his shoulder devil berated him and pulled the fire alarm..
The alarm rings loudly.
“Children, remain calm, find your disaster buddy, which is different from your lab partner but may be the same as your lunchroom buddy.“ said Skinner to the children rushing out to the fire assembly point.
”Well, well, well... Looks like Mr. Vanilla just grew some chocolate chips.” said Bart smugly as he arrived.
“Mmmmmmmm! Vanilla and chocolate chips...” Oscar moaned and drooled.
“Save your analogies for the analogy portion of the exam. I bought you time, boy. Don't blow it.” said Skinner.
“I won't. I'm going to ignore everything else on my schedule.” said Bart crossing out things on a list such as Egg Skinner. Egg Skinner’s car.
”Pass this test and the eggs are on me.“ said Skinner.
”They will be, Seymour. They will be.” Bart said grinning wickedly.
In town Homer was still conning people out of their pocket change with his parking meter scam.
Homer laughed as he collected change from poor suckers.
“I'm king of the bus station!” Homer cheered.
“Meter, meter, quarter cheater?“ Hugo babbled in a feral manner.
”Aaaaaah! Get back to school you little mutant!” Homer yelled.
”Aaaaagh! An evil parking meter! Ness help!” Oscar yelled when he saw Homer’s parking meter.
”Pk Blast!” Ness used PK blast and hit the parking meter with his baseball bat.
”Noooo!” Homer screamed.
Meanwhile Kent was telling the news about a rogue parking meter operator.
Wiggum insisted the culprit looked like the question mark placeholder for the unknown suspect.
”Chief Wiggum... that’s a placeholder for the currently unknown suspect...” said Kent.
”Aaaaaaagh! It’s Mr X!” Oscar screamed.
”No Oz... it’s not Mr X...” Lisa sighed.
Bart’s room at 3 am!
Bart is in his green pyjamas still up and screwing about playing dominoes with his books and a soccer ball with pentagons. The kind Oscar squeals at. Bart launched a pebble with his slingshot, Betsy and it knocked over his trophies which knocked a toy plane which caused the soccer ball to roll down and knock over the books.
“So, how's the studying going?” Lisa asked annoyed as she knew he wasn’t.
”When I start I'll tell you.“ Bart said smugly as he is being an ass and dooming the school.
“This is the most selfish thing you've ever done!!” Lisa snapped coming into his room. “You're letting your friends go hang because you are lazy and selfish and, hey, are you falling asleep just to spite me?!”
Bart snored. In canon he immediately has a nightmare the school is shut, his friends don’t know how to divide and the school is now a spinach farm... “Bart wake up! Oh you inconsiderate, nasty!” Lisa ranted.
”Yeah pay attention Bro! You’re being a real jackass!” Hugo snapped slapping him awake.
”I’m telling mom you cursed...” Bart retorted.
”Well I’m telling mom you’re deliberately not revising for the standardised test so you’ll fail and get the school shut! And that you’re up at three in the morning!” Hugo replied.
Lisa and Hugo nagged at Bart to study.
Oscar comes in with his fingers in his ears cross with the bickering as he was sleeping.
”Sorry Oz but we’re really mad at Bart right now! Why you loathsome! And another thing!” Lisa apologies to Oscar before laying into Bart again ranting and raving at him.
Oscar ignored them and grabbed Bart’s soccer ball with pentagons on it and squealed. “Haaaaaaaaawwwww!”
”Well it’s that late, I should be sleeping. Go away so I can sleep...” said Bart.
”Fine but may your guilty conscience deny you pleasant dreams!” Lisa snapped.
”Huuuuuaaawww! Spotty!” Oscar squealed.
”Oz let go of my soccer ball and go to bed...” Bart sighed yawning.
Springfield the Stoopidest city.
Cleatus is walking Professor Frink like a dog.
He finds four of his bullies, Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson, with a pizza in a box on the school benches. It has been cut into eight equal slices.
“Hey, why aren't you eating that?” Bart asked them.
“There's four of us and eight slices. We don't know how to divide it!” said Dolph.
”Something Stu forgot the music he loves.” Disco Stu forgot he loves music.
The school was on fire.
”We don’t know how to put it out!” said the firemen.
Bart encounters Mrs Krabappel as a hooker.
“Mrs. Krabappel? Are you a teacher of the night?” Bart asked.
“Ha, I wish I was a hooker. No one in this town has any money.” said Mrs Krabappel. “But the worst thing is what's happened to the school.”
Bart saw to his horror it was now a spinach farm! “No, no! Nooooo!” And worse! It was a spinach farm attended to and watered and harvested by Popeye clones!! “Nooooooo! Not Popeye!” Bart screamed. “What have I done!?”
He wakes up to Lisa staring at him.
”Spinach farm huh?! Yes you talk in your sleep...” said Lisa.
”Look, I want to pass that test but I need your help!” said Bart. “I have all sorts of problems.... Lack of attention, I'm afraid of ovals, I only know 24 letters. Don't you fall asleep on me!” Lisa was falling asleep out of spite.
”Wooooooooo! Look out Bart! I’m a big scary oval!! Woooooooooo!” Oscar was holding a large purple plastic oval.
”Cut that out...” Bart grumbled.
Marge was shopping at Apu’s. She encountered Proctor Clarkson aka Roz who was shopping too.
“Excuse me, you're that proctor that's shutting down my children's school.” said Marge unhappy.
“I don't shut anything down.” said Roz. “People cut off their own heads, and I just tip 'em into the basket.” Revolution! Revolution... honhonhon! Let them eat cake!
”You've been in public education a long time, haven't you?” Marge sighed.
Roz sighed. “Ma’am. I don’t like my job. But some schools are failing our children and need to be erased so funding can go to thriving schools.”
”How did we come to my children’s school being shut down from that ogre Mr Burns giving us a ridiculously high tax hike of 17%?!” said Marge.
Roz was stunned. “I have no idea ma’am. Some schools just can’t stay out of the red.” She saw Homer outside scamming with his parking meter and Ness chasing him. “Oh and some one is fraudulently using an old parking meter to trick people out of their pocket change...
Meanwhile Homer got caught by Wiggum.
“Freeze, Jack Nickel-scum!” Wiggum quipped.
”Heeeeeeeere’s Johnyyyyyyy!” said Jack Nicholson holding a door with a big hole chopped through it with an axe. He was peeping through the hole and grinning malevolently.
“Wha...?” Homer gasped.
”You know what they do to parking meter thieves in prison?“ Wiggum asked. “They probably treat 'em pretty well. But when you get out, you're not eligible for jury duty. Which, again, sounds pretty good.”
Then he realised. “Hey wait a minute! This is the eight time I’ve caught you running a hare brained money making scam Simpson! There was the telemarketing scam, the tow truck job... the grifting on Springfield pier with your son! Simpson you have a rap sheet as long as-“
“Eat silver, copper.” Homer threw coins at him.
Wiggum hissed and turned into a werewolf and fled.
”Um okay...” said Homer and he waltzed off to continue scamming people.
At 3 Am the next night. Bart tried to study but for some dumb idiotic reason wouldn’t take in the knowledge.
”Lis I’m really trying here! It’s three am and I’m still up studying!” Bart whined.
”Seriously?! What madness has consumed this world?! Kids up till the early hours?! Bart get to bed now!” Marge nagged.
”Mom Matt insists I have dialogue with Lisa here...” Bart sighed.
”Bart, I don’t believe you’ve had an epiphany. But if you have, here’s some advice. It’s not what’s on the test that’s important. It how to take a test.” said Lisa. “Start with the questions you know. If you don’t know an answer, answer with B and move on... Now let’s try with a mock test...
Bart saw the ovals for answering and screamed.
”Oh flip!” Lisa sighed.
Oscar laughed. “Ovaaaaals! Wooooooo!”
Bart then answered B for every answer...
”I didn’t say answer B for everything?! Now when was the American constitution signed?” Lisa ranted.
”Um.... B?” Bart replied.
Lisa screamed angrily.
”Very good Bart...” said Oscar.
”No! Not good!” Lisa ranted.
Bart was stuck on a question thinking. His beetle he was torturing earlier crawled out and sat on C.
”That’s the right answer! Very good Bart!” Lisa gasped.
”That’ll do bug... That’ll do...” Bart said to the bug.
Hugo cane in.
”I still think we need a plan B. I have my Learnatron dream reviser 2000 helmet warmed up. The only problem will be that Bart’s mind would be entirely focused on the exam...” said Hugo.
”Well that’s good, Hugo.” said Lisa.
”Kids go to bed!” Marge nagged.
Meanwhile the pupils of Springfield Elementary who were sent off to other schools were sent to some pretty zany schools...
Sherri went to a school in Ogdenville full of Norwegian kids with blond hair and stupid accents and sneezes.
instead of yes or yep. They said “Ja!”
The Clownjas Oscar sent there right this moment mistook them for speaking in Clownja chatter and replied in unword-like chatter. “Ja! Nyaaaa! Clow! Pika pi! Etc.”
Terri was at North Havenbrook. A town with the smashed up remains of a crashed monorail dangling from the tracks. A memorial stone with the names of everyone who died in the crash and an angry vengeful populace waiting for Lyle Lanley to return so they can beat him up.
Nelson was sent to Arkham Elementary school for the criminally insane. The Joker was teaching physics... Hehehehe!
”Okay kids. Who wants to see me make a pencil disappear...” asked the Joker.
And Scarecrow taught chemistry, Poison Ivy taught biology...
Bart’s plan B if he failed the test was to cry like a baby again. Like in Bart Gets an F.
Bart is bawling loudly and crying tears as sad music plays. D’aawwwwwww! “It’s not fair! I really studied! Wuaaaaaaaaa!”
”Oh great... it’s baby sobs a lot... Okay fine! You passed!” Roz passed him. “I think I’d rather be the pigeon hole secretary where kids hand in their homework.
And so she had herself transferred to be Springfield Elementary’s secretary of the homework office where homework and assignments were handed in. Like at college.
A boy with a Czech surname was late.
“Wazowski....” Roz/Proctor Clarkson said sharply.
”Oz no!” Bart groaned.
”What?! She looks exactly like Roz from Monsters Inc...” said Oscar.
Any Homer’s B story with the parking meter was supposed to wrapped up in a neat and tidy package...
But he was still scamming people.
”Oh great Homer’s scamming us all again... get him!!” Moe yelled.
Homer screamed and fled the angry towns folk.
He headed home but Marge caught him with his money sack.
“Burly Paper Towels, Burlyville, Minnesota.“ Marge was writing to fictional mascots again. “Dear Sir or Madam: Your paper towel packets promised 102 sheets of towels. But I was blessed to receive 103. I'm returning the extra towel, unused...“ said Marge. That is so sad...
Oscar was also writing to fictional characters and mascots. “Dear Chip, the Cookie Crisp wolf. You are hot! I knew it was love at first sight the moment I saw you sniffing and twitching your big wet shiny purple nose. Please take me back and sniff my crotch intensely! Your biggest fan, Oscar Tamaki.”
”Oz it’s not healthy or appropriate to have an infatuation for cartoon animals with big wet shiny noses to sniff you like that...” said Marge.
She heard jingling and found Homer with his sack of change.
”Homer! What is with all the pocket change?!” Marge asked. “Where did you get that money? And what have you done with the pillows?”
“The pillows are safe at my workstation.” Homer explained. “As for the quarters, well, I'm ashamed to tell you what I did.” He was glum. Suddenly Maggie crawled out of the sack of coins. “How long have you been in there?” Homer gasped picking up Maggie. The cat, Snowball II meowed and emerged from the sack of coins too.
”Well, we're going to turn this change into change for the better.“ said Marge taking the coins.
”Whoo-hoo!“ Homer cheered. “I have no idea why I’m happy for you take my I’ll gotten horde, Honey. But okay.”
At a well.
“And I wish that Mr. Teeny gets a banana, that the lsotopes emerge from this season with a great blooper reel. I wish that wishing wells worked so I wasn't tossing my money away and that Marge loves me forever no matter what stupid things I do.“ said Homer.
Marge hugged and kissed him.
”Woohoo! And I wish-“
”Stop tossing coins down my well!” Samara from the Ring yelled.
”Aaaaaaagh! A Peg O’Nell!” Homer screamed.
“Oz no!” Bart whined.
”Hey sweetums... thought you could get away...” said the Spuckler cousin who lives trapped in Cleatus’s well and was gonna marry Mary Spuckler.
Samara screamed like a banshee at him.
”Hey look! We found treasure!” said the Goonies from inside the Well.
”(Irish jabbering.” A leprechaun angrily jabbered.
”Someone help me! I want my mommy!” Tummy O’toole cried from inside the well.
”Ha! Yip! Kiyaaaaaaa!” Young Link yelled from inside the well.
”On coool! Ocarina of Time reference!” said Oscar. “Aaaaaagh! Dead Hand! And Redeads!”
”Okay that’s just silly. One big wish! I wish for Bart to pass his test and save the school!” said Marge dumping the entire sack down the well.
”Ow!” Timmy cried.
Bart was doing an exam. Not the crucial one Marge. He already passed that by crying...
”Wazowski...” Proctor Clarkson was annoyed a boy with the surname Wazowski was late.
Bart head desked his desk exasperated.
The exam began. Bart was concentrating on the exam trying to recall some information about the question on osmosis. But there was tapping like a clock ticking.
”Will you cut that out!” Bart yelled at the window. Lisa was outside tapping on the window holding a sign saying Concentrate!
The exam got very intense.
Bart’s bug helped him cheat by scuttling to the correct answers.
This scene has intense cowboy duel music but Transcripts Forever Dreaming described it as the Halloween theme tune again...
Halloween by a John Carpenter plays loudly and Michael Myers bursts in.
Bart and Proctor Clarkson scream.
“Oz enough of Michael Myers already!!” Bart yelled.
”That kid with the bird’s nest on his head is doing all this?!” Proctor Clarkson asked as Michael Myers chased them.
“Yes Ma’am...” Bart sighed.
”Hey do not insult my hair do!” Oscar snapped. He watched as Michael Myers chased Bart and the proctor.
”One fan said Hugo should join a peewee football team. He would be a great quarterback. Well the little monster face mutant is a bit taller and bulkier than Bart from all the fish heads and bugs he has been eating and the milk he drank. So I can see the point they’ve making.” said Homer.
”I really wish Oscar would stop goofing off with the Halloween theme tune...” Marge sighed.
The tune heralds the appearance of Michael Myers. You can’t have one without the other...
Eric was annoyed he had no screen time. Um you were watching Happy Little Elves all day, Eric.
”Goo!” Baby Eric babbled annoyed.