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24 Minutes A parody of the TV series 24. Lisa and her counter truancy unit foil an attempt by Jimbo and his gang to ruin the school bake sale with a stink bomb made from Homer’s expired yogurt. Meanwhile Bart pranks Kiefer Sutherland.

Plot[]

Kiefer Sutherland introduces a stinger from a previous episode of the Simpsons in the style of a 24 episode.

”Previously on 24... I mean The Simpsons...” said Kiefer Sutherland. Personally I’d prefer 24 and gun battles and killing terrorists!

There were explosions and gun battles and shit.

We cut to Springfield Elementary.

“Welcome to our newest weapon on the war against misbehavior and Bart Simpsons across the school! The Counter Truancy Unit!” said Skinner introducing Lisa and the nerds to a new room in the school. A high tech computer lab spy centre.

“Is this what you spent the computer lab money on?!” Lisa asked.

“Yes Lisa.” said Skinner.

Skinner showed her the computer lab headquarters. It was like something out of James Bond...

She was assigned a code name.

“Hall Monitor Jazz Lover or Loves Ponies.” said Lisa choosing a code name.

“Head Hall Monitor Loves Ponies.” said Skinner.

”And hates Phonies.” said Lisa.

”Phoney! You’re a big fat phoney!” The annoying Big Fat Phoney guy from Family Guy yelled.

“Hugo Hates Ponies....” Hugo snarled.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

In the high tech spy lab Lisa found that three sixth graders were absent.

“Enhance!” said Skinner. Jimbo’s desk read something rude. “De enhance! De enhance!”

”Principal Skinner, what does that word mean?” Lisa asked.

Database found out the missing students were Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney.

”The other school bullies other than Nelson. Although he’s sort of mellowed out these days.” said Lisa.

“We helped!” said Milhouse and Martin.

Meanwhile at the nuclear power plant there was a deadly chemical outbreak and everyone was evacuated.

“Aaaaaaaagh! We’re all gonna die!” A worker screamed.

In the cafeteria are the CDA hazmat cleaners from Monsters Inc with a Geiger counter. It takes them to something volatile in the fridge giving out a high reading.

A hazmat cleaner finds an expired yogurt. “That’s it.” He seals it in a bag.

“Hey get your own yogurt!” Homer is annoyed they took his yoghurt.

He is in big trouble with Mr Burns.

“Curdled yogurt...” Mr Burbs seals it in a suitcase. “Simpson, you soulless land whale! Take your festering yogurt far away from here!” said Mr Burns.

“Woohoo! Business trip!” Homer cheered when he left the office.

“It’s not a business trip, you idiot! You’re fired!” said Mr Burns.

“D’oh!” Homer groaned.

.....

Meanwhile at the cafeteria in school.

Bart used grey poupon mustard and ketchup to paint “I am a wiener” spoke from a speech bubble said by a cartoon of Principal Skinner. Obviously he spelt wiener incorrectly as weiner. Skinner came in to see the spectacle.

“Simpson! I’ll teach you to make a poupon of me!”

The kids all laughed at Skinner.

“Poop on...” Oscar chuckled.

Skinner lunged at Bart but he ran off and squirted mustard and ketchup on the floor to make a slippery trail but ran out of sauces to squirt.

"Eat my shorts, Seymour!" Bart jeered.

Oscar was reading Batman vs Condiment King. He waved his magic wand casting a spell.

A barrel of oil from the kitchen was tipped over by Squeaky Voiced Teen accidentally. “Oh dear!” said Squeaky Voiced Teen.

Bart sighed with relief as he slipped through it past the detention room.

Mudboy was sliding across the hall floor with his mud and slimed a path that intersected Bart’s. Bart kept sliding. Then a giant monster snail broke out of science lab three and slimed a slime trail just in time for Bart to slide through it and high five his brother Hugo who had obviously made the snail gigantic in an experiment.

Bart laughed as he slid away to freedom.

Skinner groaned.

...

Meanwhile at the Simpsons house, in the basement, Marge was doing the laundry. She had a pair of Bart’s shorts.

“If someone did eat Bart’s shorts they’d have a tummy ache from his pocket junk.” Marge remarked as Bart had left stuff in his short pockets again.

“What do you mean if?” Oscar asked in a comic panel as he was sat at the cafeteria table with a picnic cloth laid on it and wearing a napkin as he was about to eat a pair of Bart’s blue shorts.

Bart frowned and took his shorts and closed the comic panel.

Marge went through Bart’s pockets. She found a switchblade which she was mildly concerned by. A Homer Voodoo doll, matches... and a note reading School bake sale. She gasped.

“There’s a school bake sale! Today! At three o clock!”

Marge went to the kitchen to find it was already 2:33 pm! “I only have 27 minutes! The heat is on!” She must really like baking cakes...

...

Meanwhile Homer went to the kwik e mart with his expired yogurt.

“Apu. I’d like to return a yogurt I wasn’t entirely satisfied with...” said Homer.

Apu sniffed the yoghurt and gagged.

“Oh by Ganesh! This yogurt smells like if a fart and a hobo had a baby and that baby puked and a dog ate the puke, this would smell like that dog’s butt!” said Apu. “Please! I’ll let you have any yogurt in this store to replace it! Just take that thing with you when you leave!”

Homer laughed evilly as he went to get a free yogurt.

...

Meanwhile Jimbo and his gang arrived t the kwik e mart.

“Let’s spit in the coffees!” said Jimbo.

“I call hazelnut!” said Dolph.

However Milhouse was spying on them.

In the store once Lisa got her visual from Milhouse she saw Jimbo smell the expired yogurt.

“Eeeeeeeugh! This yogurt is toxic! It’s just what we need!” said Jimbo gagging in disgust. He put it away in its case and took it.

The bullies left.

Skinner relieved Milhouse of duty.

“Okay but if I don’t make it back Lisa, I want you to read the note in my locker.” said Milhouse.

“I’ve already read it...” said Lisa.

“We’ve all read it...” said Skinner.

However Milhouse was still needed.

“Wait! Look at all the things the bullies could have stolen! Big chief rotten teeth chewing tobacco! A take a penny leave a penny tray with a quarter in it! Playdudes! So why the yogurt?” Lisa asked using the computer hacked into the security cameras of the kwik e mart. “Milhouse you need to follow those bullies!”

“Yes Lisa my sweetheart!” said Milhouse.

“Eeeeew! Stop that!” Lisa groaned.

However as Milhouse spied on the bullies Homer spoke to him.

“Hey there Milhouse who are you spying on? Those bullies?” Homer asked.

The bullies grabbed Milhouse and threw him in a dumpster. And smashed his ear pod.

“What do we do with the fat guy?” Kerne asked.

“Hey! You’re the fattest of you three!” said Homer.

“I’m bulky enough for football!” said Kerne.

They put Homer in the dumpster with Milhouse.

Clownjas inside jabbered annoyed.

“Ha! I’m still alive!” said Homer. The bullies sealed him in. Then they pushed the dumpster so it went rolling down hill. Homer screamed as the dumpster slid about, went in a car wash and got clean and other hijinks.

“Mr Simpson, I’m scared!” said Milhouse.

“This is our life now! We’re dumpster people!” said Homer. XD.

...

Meanwhile at the CTU headquarters. “I’ve lost Milhouse!” said Lisa.

“He’ll be sorely missed...” said Skinner crossing his name out on a list of field agents such as Wendell and Ralph.

“Who do we have left?” Lisa asked. Martin and Database got their headphone sets stuck together.

Lisa sighed. “We both know we have only one agent left who stands a chance against those bullies... my brother!” said Lisa.

“Bart Simpson? But he’s not an agent! He’d laugh if he knew we existed!” said Skinner.

“I meant my other brother! Hugo!” said Lisa.

Hugo was somewhere sewing. He had sewed two unconscious CTU agents together by their torsos. He laughed evilly.

...

Meanwhile after escaping school after his ketchup and mustard prank.

Bart met up with Oscar. He was hungrily thinking about cake.

“Mmmmmm! Bake sale...” Bart moaned with joy.

“So let me get this straight.. You’re truanting to lie low for a while after painting rude pictures of Skinner on the cafeteria walls with mustard and ketchup but want to go back at three for a bake sale...” said Oscar.

“Of course! I love cake! Mmmmmm cake! And If I hid my note well Mom won’t be taking part! Bwahahahaha!” said Bart.

“You do realise Skinner has a new Counter Truancy Unit. They make Leopold a cute little flower in comparison...” said Oscar.

“Skinner!” Leopold yelled angrily as he marched off to the school.

“I kinda had an inkling he was planning a big nerdy project with all the school nerds...” said Bart.

“We have to watch out! Any of the nerds could be spying on us! I already took out two who caught me truanting.” said Oscar.

“Skinner’s worst weapon of all... Narcs and squealers...” said Bart.

...

Skinner was interrogating Hugo to test his loyalty to the CTU. But Hugo knew he desperately needed his help and expected something in return.

“I’ll help you but only if you rig the next school science fair in my favour and you have to teach me one swear I don’t already know!” said Hugo.

“No dice!” Skinner refused.

“Oh well it’s not like you don’t have anything going on today that the bullies might want to ruin...” said Hugo.

Skinner gasped. “The bake sale!”

“Principal Skinner, we both know the school bake sale equates to 90 percent of the school’s funds! We can’t let those bullies ruin it!” said Lisa.

“Fine.... You conniving little...” Skinner whispers in Hugo’s ear.

“That’s a swear?!” Hugo asked.

“If used as a noun it is.” said Skinner. “Just don’t let my mother know I said that...”

...

Bart and Oscar headed for the Kwik e mart but Bart’s bully app went off.

“Uh oh! My bully app on my phone is warning us the Kwik e mart is a code red right now! We’ll have to go somewhere else.” said Bart. He didn’t need a phone app to tell him what was obvious. Jimbo and his gang were at the Kwik e mart having just swiped Homer’s expired yogurt and caught Milhouse spying on them.

“Come on let’s go to the arcade.” said Oscar. They went to the arcade. The presence of bullies at the Kwik e mart put a damper on Oscar’s plans for the day.

There was a 24 style scene summary of what was happening such as Lisa at the CTU and Bart cutting into his arm the word Hate with his switchblade.

“Bart what the hell?! Are you self harming?” Oscar gasped.

“No. I’m just giving myself a cool scar while acting all gangster like while doing it!” said Bart. “Wanna play four finger fillet? You’re the fillet!” Bart wanted to play the knife game.

“Uh no...” said Oscar playing Evil Granny and the ungrateful grandson.

“That’s you’re only life because the Kwik e mart is clear now and I want a squishee.” said Bart.

“Okay. Should I suicide in the cupboard of deadly mothballs?” said Oscar.

“Nah I’ll see how far you get.” said Bart. He watched Oscar play. “Wow you’re good...”

Plot 2[]

Meanwhile while ominous music played Marge was in the kitchen baking a cake. She was still mixing the basic mixture.

She got out a big box of Sun Maid Raisins. Mmmmm Sun Maid... however the box was empty.

“Mmmmm! Oscar...” Oscar has eaten the last of them. “I can’t make a cake with out raisins! Kids love the zing of raisins!” Marge wondered what’s she was going to do. She’d have to go shopping...

Meanwhile on the way to the Kwik e mart Oscar was eating a small box of Sun maid raisins.

“Oscar why are you eating raisins...” said Bart.

“I’m not supposed to have candy because of the E numbers. Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” Oscar replied taking the mick out of a boy with learning difficulties at his old school.

“Oscar that’s not funny! How would you like it if people made fun of your dolphin obsession?” Bart told him off.

“It’s not an obsession!” said Oscar. “It’s a thing.”

“Whatever.” said Bart as they went in the Kwik e mart.

At the CTU headquarters.

“I’ve got a visual on Bart and Oscar.” said Lisa.

Oscar could see a particular security camera was spying on him. He wrote on a piece of card and showed it to the camera. It read “Get Bent!”

“What’s happening?” Skinner asked.

“Bart’s just buying a squishee. I think Oscar’s on to us.” said Lisa. Suddenly one of the cameras she was using blacked out as Oscar has shot it with his slingshot.

“I’ll do a deal with Bart...” said Skinner.

Oscar bought some popcorn. Not to eat. “My first book, 101 uses for popcorn has lots of uses for popcorn beside eating...” said Oscar to the fourth wall. “Such as killing rhinoceroses.”

“Oscar no!” Bart whined.

Oscar ran to the dumpsters not caring one was missing. He poured his popcorn in the remaining dumpster. “Or growing clownjas...”

Evil clownjas from Killer Klowns from Outer space sprouted from the dumpster on long purple knobbly alien necks. The clownjas hissed and snapped angrily for food.

“Oz...” Bart sighed.

...

Lisa rang up Bart’s mobile.

“Lis?” Bart asked.

“Bart I hate having to ask you but the CTU, Counter Truancy Unit needs your help...” said Lisa.

“Oh the narks need my help... what’s in it for me...” said Bart.

“We’ll make it worth your while Bart. I’ll do anything. Except that Bart... Okay I’ll erase your permanent record of past misdemeanors!” said Skinner on the phone to Bart.

“Okay Skinner I’ll be right there. I just need to make a prank phone call.

Bart rang Kiefer Sutherland’s character in 24.

“Okay last name Adoudi, first name Ahmad. Ahmad Adoudi got it.” said Kiefer Sutherland.

Kiefer rang up his fellow agents.

“Jack! Jack do you read me?” said a comms agent at a computer.

“Yeah. I have intelligence on the terrorists! We’re looking for an Ahmad Adoudi.” (I made a doody) said Jack.

Bart snickered trying not to laugh.

“Can you find intel on him?” Jack asked.

“Yes, got him.” said the comms agent. “Ahmad Adoudi, wealthy Saudi Financier. Turned up in Afghanistan in the late nineties.”

“Really?” Jack asked.

“No... it’s a joke name Jack, you’re being set up. Ahmad Adoudi... I made a doodie?” said Chloe the comms agent.

“Damn it!” Jack shot at someone.

Something exploded in the background.

Bart laughed hysterically.

...

Oscar and Bart got picked up by CTU. Via truck of course.

Inside were nerds such as Cosine and that prune juice obsessed nerd.

“Nyaaaaah we have Bart, Principal Skinner!” said Database.

“Good. We have much to discuss so get them back as soon as possible. In a cooperative mood...” said Skinner.

“While you’re waiting how about a boiled egg and some prune juice?” asked the prune juice obsessed nerd.

“Uh no thanks I don’t like prune juice.” said Bart.

“Drink your prune juice!” The nerd shouted.

Later.

Skinner was interrogating Bart. Bart expected what he asked earlier. A clean permanent record, full immunity from punishment for any pranks he pulled or may pull in the future and to be taught one swear he didn’t already know.

Skinner sighed and told him the swear word.

“Wow! That’s a swear?” Bart asked.

“Used as a noun it is.” said Skinner.

“Okay I’ll need some wheels.” said Bart.

“Willie will provide you with a second hand bike. Bart? He gods my car keys!” Skinner realised Bart took his car keys.

Oscar realised something and ran after Bart. “I just realised I set a tracking missile on Skinner’s car! Bart no!”

Skinner sighed and shook his head at Oscar’s obsession with destroying his car.

...

Meanwhile in a basement Jimbo and his gang have a canister and are putting disgusting smells in it.

“Roadkill, Burnt hair, my sister’s retainer case, six weeks of bottled farts, possum placenta, sweat from a walk around Goofy suit and finally TCBY. That container of botulized yogurt.” said Jimbo adding foul smelling things to the container. “Gentlemen, masks on."

Kerne put on goggles and a snorkel. Jimbo pulled his hat over his face and Dolph wore a monkey mask. They added the yogurt to the rest of the nasty smelling ingredients. Jimbo then tested a pipette full on a hamster. The hamster had a heart attack from the horrid smell.

“Gentlemen. We have made the mother of all stinkbombs!” said Jimbo.

“Most satisfactory!” said Dolph.

Jimbo’s Mom opened the basement door. “I’m going down to the bank sweetie. Are you boys going to be alright on your own?” said Jimbo’s Mom.

“Mom everyone’s seen your boobs! Put a top on!” Jimbo yelled.

“But the doctor says the air is good for them!” said Jimbo’s Mom.

“Just go!” said Jimbo. She went.

“Looking good Carroll!” said Dolph. Jimbo elbowed him to tell him not to hit on his mom.

Another 24 style scene summary showed the dying hamster, Bart driving Skinner’s car with his bum on the steering wheel, Oscar trying to disable a tracking missile and Marge at a supermarket fighting with Helen Lovejoy over the last box of Sun Maid raisins.

“I saw them first!”

“Liar!”

“Give them to me!”

The fight ended with Marge buying the raisins and Helen leaving the store in a paramedic gurney. Ouch... don’t mess with Marge!

...

Another set of scenes shows Bart still butt driving, the aftermath of Marge’s fight with Helen, Otto smashing the dumpster with Homer and Milhouse inside off of a level crossing and about to be hit by a train and Jimbo testing the stink bomb.

This time he tested it on Ralph. Ralph fell on his back like the dying hamster.

“Springfield Elementary is about to become Stink Field Elementary!” said Jimbo. The bullies laughed.

“Lis. The bullies are planning to sabotage the bake sale with a stink bomb! I’ll need a schematic of Jimbo’s house."

“Jimbo drew his house in second grade. However the teacher didn’t think it was a very good likeness as they gave him a frowny face.” said Lisa sending the pictures to Bart’s mobile phone.

However there was a double agent in CTU!

“Jimbo they’ve found you out! You have to get out of there!” said Martin. “Uh eggs would be lovely for breakfast Mother!” Martin said as Skinner was walking past. “Just go! Get out of there!”

“Thanks Mole. Now make your split screen vanish.” said Jimbo.

Martin put his phone down and shut his locker but got his nose caught.

“Ouch!” He shut the locker properly.

...

At the Kwik e mart.

”Oscar you’re going off track! You’re not needed at the Kwik e mart.” said Lisa into Oscar’s Bluetooth device.

”Permission to get a Hostess fruit pie?” Oscar asked.

”Denied...” said Skinner.

Oscar frowned. “Well I’m getting one anyway...” He went and bought a fruit pie.

”Mmmmmm pie...” said Homer in the dumpster in a panel gag.

Bart snuck into the house. “Darn! These schematics are all wrong! Where is the rollercoaster room and the shark tank?” Bart asked. Suddenly a catch clicked. “Uh?” And a trapdoor under him opened. He yelled as he fell. He was rescued by Hugo from a plunge straight into a shark tank!

“Hugo? You saved me?” Bart gasped.

“Hey this isn’t me getting soft. I just have my reasons for needing you alive and in mint condition...” said Hugo. They looked down at a tank full of sharks.

“Why does he have a shark tank?" Bart asked.

Hugo shrugged his shoulders.

"And to think, Jaws is one of my favorite movies!" Bart thought to himself.

“Because it’s funny for him to have one!” said the narrator.

Bart and Hugo went to the basement. Bart had his slingshot ready for hostiles. Hugo had a board with a nail in it. The bullies were gone along with the stink bomb.

“Son of a beach ball!” Bart yelled. He heard Ralph groaning. He was in a giant hamster cage.

Bart rang up Lisa.

“The bullies have escaped. And we have a man down. Well not quiet a man. A special little boy...” said Bart.

...

Meanwhile Marge baked her cake. It came out nicely.

She then added pink icing. However it wasn’t her icing to use!

“Yabba my icing!” A half life zombie screamed. The head crab zombie tried to get its icing back. Marge attacked it with a frying pan to stop it.

”Oh let go you filthy!” Marge yelled.

”No no nooooo! Yabba my icing!” The head crab zombie cried.

Meanwhile in the dumpster.

“Has your ass got numb from the ride?” Homer asked Milhouse.

“Kinda.” said Milhouse.

Clownjas jabbered.

“Well no worries, I’m used to it. Let’s get some shut eye.” said Homer as the dumpster smashed into Moe’s and the bolt came off letting them out.

“Oh! That bar I like! Wait in the car.” said Homer.

He went to Moe’s only to find Moe trying to drill his own teeth. Homer cringed in disgust as he watched Moe try to drill his own teeth.

“Eeeeeew!” Homer groaned. He went to check on Milhouse. “So where do you want to go?”

“Well... the school is having a bake sale...” said Milhouse.

“Perfect... Ol Betsy will take us there!” said Homer referring the dumpster as Betsy.

Betsy the slingshot gained sentience for the sake of this episode and hopped about towards them and stared at them occasionally blinking.

“Uh...” Homer was confused by this turn of events.

“Betsy get back here!” said Bart grabbing his slingshot.

“Uh... Lets go...” said Homer. The dumpster took them to school.

Plot 3[]

At the CTU headquarters Lisa was trying to get Skinner to cancel the bake sale.

“Impossible. My mother is depending on it now she’s baking again.” said Skinner.

Agnes was laughing like a witch as she made a cake. “No one will be able to resist my cauldron cake!”

“And Super intendant Chalmers won’t like the news!” said Skinner.

“Skinner?! What news?” said Chalmers.

“That...Uh the school bake sale profits are through the roof!” said Skinner.

“I am very pleased with that news! You don’t know me at all!” Chalmers replied annoyed as he left.

“Fine... Martin get a visual of the whole school, look for those bullies!” said Lisa.

“You can rely on me!” said a Martin sheepishly.

“I am picking up a stink radius bigger than any of us can throw a ball.” said Cosine. Oscar was being offensive towards him by pulling at his eyelids to do a Chinaman impression.

Martin had a visual of the bullies posing as janitors carrying the stink bomb in a janitor’s bucket.

“The stink bomb!” Martin gasped. “I can’t let anybody see this!”

“Found anything Martin?” Lisa asked.

“I wish! This is as boring as mainstream cinema!” said Martin.

Lisa giggled. “That’s so true!”

...

Meanwhile the other events are summed up with another 24 gag. Marge is driving the cake to school. Martin is nervous and Bart is driving Skinner’s car with his bum again.

Homer is travelling with Milhouse in the dumpster.

“Uh oh! Cops! Act natural!” said Homer. They put garbage all over themselves. “Hellooooo officers!” Homer did a lady voice.

“Good afternoon ma’am.” said Wiggum to them. “Ahhh... what is it about a woman in a dumpster...”

There’s more to come from Homer’s lady voice and antics...

...

Everyone arrives at school. Homer in his dumpster. Marge in her car with a cake and Maggie. And Bart running the halls of the school.

The bullies were in a ventilator room with the stink bomb.

“They’re gonna wish the bake sale was a nose plug sale!” Jimbo quipped.

“Which it isn’t!” Dolph replied as they laughed.

Willie disturbed them.

“Ach! Students in Willie’s hiding hole! I’ll mop up your blood from the inside!” Willie attacked them with a broom as the ventilation room turned into a fiery hellish ventilation room in the nightmare realm.

“There’s strong REM readings from our newly installed Forty Winks dream energy detection system in a ventilation room!” said Lisa. “Thank goodness we got that installed to fight Willie if he ever went Freddy Krueger again!”

“I’ll see to it!” said Martin running off.

Lisa was suspicious of him.

Once Martin was clear of the CTU unit he started singing skip to my loo while skipping.

“Skip to my loo my darliiiiing!”

“Top of the morning Nelson!” He greeted Nelson.

“And you Martin.” said Nelson.

Bart found this behavior suspicious.

“Hey Nelson, Martin just slipped past you singing Skip to my loo and you did nothing...” said Bart.

“Can’t a guy just chill?” Nelson asked.

Bart whacked him with a chair. Then he put a bucket on his head and punched it.

“Ow! I’m unclear in what you want!” Nelson yelled.

Bart pinned him against a locker. “Is Martin working for Jimbo?” Bart demanded an answer. When Nelson was hesitant he put the bucket on his head again and hit it.

“Yes!” Nelson cried.

“Thanks. Sorry if I came on to strongly...” said Bart.

“Nah you even broke me into telling! That’s good bully material, forceful interrogations! Learn it little buddy...” said Nelson before fainting.

“Lis are you on a secure line?” Bart asked.

“I am. You’re on a Bluetooth device the easiest to hack device ever!” Lisa explained.

”But it looks so cool!” Bart whined. “Look there’s a mole in your CTU!”

“A mole?!“ Lisa asked.

“Yes, a mole.” said BRt.

“Moley! Moley! Moley! Mole! Frigging moley! We’re not supposed to talk about the mole!” Oscar screamed down the entire comms channel so every active agent heard him.

Bart rolled his eyes. “Now, I don't have much time, so I'm just gonna come right out and say his name, so get ready to know his name.“

”Moley! Moley! Moley! Moleeeey!” Oscar screamed quoting Austin Powers.

“Shut up and listen. There’s a mole in the CTU! His name is-“ Bart explains but Martin knocks him out with a chair.

Martin took Bart somewhere.

“Bart? Bart? Oh no! We’ve lost Bart!” Lisa gasped.

"Lisa, Martin has taken Bart!" Hugo explained.

“What?!” Lisa yelled.

“Skip, skip, skip to my Lou.” Martin sang as he dragged Bart away.

“Rice Krispie Treats?! Way to phone it in, Sarah Wiggum.” Bernice sighed as Sarah had brought in Rice Krispies Squares.

“ELF CEREAAAAAL!” Oscar screamed outside as the parents came in.

Snap, Crackle and Pop winced.

“Excuse me, excuse me, I'm in the sale. I'm in the sale.” said Marge arriving in a hurry. In canon during her attempt to bake a last minute cake she cooked it at 1,200 degrees Celsius thinking that would cook it faster. It was burnt to charcoal. And she dropped it.

”Okay, I kept my end of the deal. Release my friends.” Martin asked the bullies as they were fighting Freddy Krueger Willie in a nightmare realm in their subconscious.

Jimbo gave him a plastic ant hive.

“All here, from Asimov to Zarathustra.” said Martin counting the ants. Yes he called his ants that... “Where's Phobos?!”

“Orbiting Mars!” Oscar screamed down the comms channel.

”Yes Oscar, excellent but I meant one of my ants! And stop screaming so loud!”

”Everyone knows you’re a dirty Moley Moley! Guacamole!” Oscar screamed.

“He's with us now.“ said Jimbo about Phobos the ant.

”Um... Phobos is a girl...” said Nartin.

”We're out of here. Smell you later.” said Kearney.

They went to leave but Willie made a gate appear fencing them in as gate/portcullis melted into shape over a passageway in the nightmare world. His evil laughter rang out.

“Three minutes later, to be exact.” said Kiefer Sutherland.

“What have I done?!” Martin cried realising he was the bad guy.

”Raisin cake. Who wants raisin cake? Don't worry, it's not too moist.” said Marge offering her messed up cake.

”Hmm? Burnt to a cinder. Dropped. Poorly spreader icing...” Luanne sighed judging the cake to be bad.

”Can I have some more money?“ Homer covered in garbage asked and standing with Milhouse.

”I gave you ten dollars.“ said Marge.

”All the other moms gave their husbands twenty.“ Homer whined like a child.

“Well, all the other husbands don't come home dirty from fighting.” said Marge.

“I had to fight. Lenny said his dad is Hulk Hogan, (Coooool!) and I know he's not.” said Homer acting like a child.

“(N Word!)rrrr!” Hulk Hogan screamed the N word while his penis was hanging out of his pants. It’s true! He had a wardrobe malfunction during a family video and he was sacked for saying the N word!

“Here's five more dollars.” Marge sighed, giving Homer more money.

In a room somewhere Bart recovered and found himself and Willie tied up. He gasped because they were trapped in a room with the stink bomb.

Lisa suddenly spoke over his Bluetooth headset.

”Bart, are you all right? Bart?!”


“Hey, I'm fine. They haven't made a French horn yet that can hurt me.” said Bart. “Now, I'm sending you a picture of the bomb.” He took a picture of the bomb on his cell phone and sent it to her.

“My God. That's a class-fives tench-dispersal unit.” said Skinner seeing it.

“We have to shortout that fan.“ said Bart seeing a fan was blocking an escape tunnel.

””H.D.W." What's that?” Bart asked seeing a device pumping water and hotdogs across the school.

”That's the main valve of the hot dog water recirculation system.” said Willie somehow caught despite having Freddy Krueger powers... “There's over 30 years of wiener soakings in there.”

Bart laughed hysterically. “Nyahahahaha! Wiener soakings...”

”Oh grow up! Ya wee bairn!” Willie groaned.

“Lis, you have to release that water. It's the only wayto short out the fan.” said Bart over his comms device.

”But you and Willie will drown.“ said Lisa.

”Lis. You forget I’m Sharkboy.” said Bart.

”Bart the writers of Sharkboy and Lavagirl have asked you find a new name for that persona...” Lisa sighed.

“Lis just vent the hotdog water!” said Bart.

”Okay but-“

“Possibly, but I can't risk Superintendent Chalmers finding out about...“ said Skinner on intercom with a CTU agent.

”Finding out about what, Seymour?“ said Chalmers.

”Um, about how early press coverage of the bake sale is uniformly positive.“ said Skinner lying.

“Once again, you have thoroughly misgauged my response. This is going on your permanent record.” Chalmers scolded him.


”Noooooooo!” Skinner cried.


The room Bart was in with Willie flooded with hotdogs and hotdog water.


”The hot dog water's going to push us into the fan!“ Bart cried.

”And I just sharpened those blades.“ said Willie.

”Skip to my Lou...my darling.“ Martin sang sadly lamenting his betrayal.

”Bart, I've got an idea. As you're dying, jam the blades with your spine.“ said Willie as the room flooded.

Bart winced and squinted. “Keep pitching. I'll be back.” he dived under water and transformed into his Sharkboy persona. Ie put on the costume and gained the powers associated with it. Ie the ability to breathe underwater and crushing jaws that can tear through anything.

Sideshow Mel at the cake fair saw Bart swimming about knocking on the basement window looking up into the gym above.

”Look! A window to a child's watery grave!” said Sideshow Mel.

”No it’s creepy Nirvana album with the naked swimming baby! Woooooooo! Radical!” said Otto.

”Don't worry, I'll free the boy.” said Wiggum. He shut the window but his bullets ricocheted. “Damn it! This glass is bulletproof. There's nothing that can shatter it.” said Wiggum.

”Yes, there is!“ said Homer grabbing the stink bomb. “Huh? Ooh, a thermos. With seven cups of coffee still in it. Oh, wait, six.” said Homer as the thermos counted down.

“Dad, that's a bomb!” said Lisa.

”Here! It's yours!“ said Homer passing it to her.

“How do I stop it?” Lisa asked. It was easily disarmed. It stooped at 007 seconds. Ie Double Oh seven... “Oh, that's convenient.”

“Thank goodness this crisis was averted.” said Skinner. “Nicely done, Lisa.”

”Hey, what about me? I almost died, and so did Willie.” said Bart soaking wet having got out of the flooded basement somehow...

“Oh, leave me be. I don't want to live if I have to clean up this mess.” Willie groaned as he regained consciousness.

”Oh, my special little guy. I'm so glad you're okay.“ said Marge hugging and kissing Bart.

“Oh, I'm just glad you taste like hot dogs.” said Homer licking Bart.

”Dad! Don’t lick me!” Bart groaned.

Kiefer Sutherland arrived.

”Good work, Lisa!” said Kiefer Sutherland.

”What about me?“ Bart asked.

“Bart Simpson, 12 minutes ago, you made an annoying prank phone call to me. All units, move in.” said Kiefer annoyed at Bart. “I pulled every single field agent off all other cases to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough decision, but I think I made the right call.”


Something far away blew up ina violent explosion.

“It's okay, that was Shelbyville.” said Kiefer Sutherland.

Everyone cheered.

The End!

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