Simpsons Fanon

Tis the Season it's Christmas again! The Simpsons celebrate with their gifts! But a new evil and addictive toy destroys other toys. Oh and Gary Coleman makes a cameo.


The Simpsons are putting the presents under the tree one Christmas Eve evening. (minus Maggie and Oscar who are sleeping) However Bart keeps guessing the presents.

"Hocus pocus... Mucus pukus... I guess...... a sweater!" Bart feels the present.

"Mom!" Lisa whines.

"Bart! Put the sweater back under the tree!" Marge told him off.

Hugo thought the Christmas tree baubles were some sort of fruit and tried to eat one.

”Hugo no... don’t eat the baubles...” Bart sighed.

Homer was being stupid again. “A-ha! I knew it - the criminal mastermind behind all of this is none other than... Santa Claus! I knew he couldn't be trusted. Always going down people's chimneys. And those elves - does he pay them, or are they... SLAVES to his evil will? Then again, perhaps Santa is just the cherry-nosed personification of holiday spirit.”

Marge and the kids stared exasperated at him.

”Homie maybe you’ve had enough egg nog...” Marge sighed.

”Why is the mutant getting presents? I don’t think he’d appreciate the effort...” said Homer.

Oscar seethed but kept his cool.

“Sure! Everyone likes getting presents, even megalomaniacal boy geniuses with delusions of world domination.” said Oscar.

Hugo smirked.

Oscar then danced around the Christmas tree in just his diaper singing Rocking around the Christmas tree.

”Rocking around, the Christmas tree. Have a nappy holiday!” He wiggles his padded butt and his diaper crinkled.

”Hey, no improvising the lyrics...” Homer frowned.

”Oh Homer... leave him be... I think his lyrics are cute!” said Marge.

Bart groaned embarrassed by Oscar.

Oscar then took the TV hostage, figuratively speaking, ie he was deciding what was on. He laid on his stomach just wearing a diaper while he watched the animated Rudolph the red nosed reindeer film with Whoopi Goldberg in it as the main antagonist. Oscar winced and wet his diaper because he was staring at cartoon Rudolph's big red shiny nose.

Bart whined because he wanted watch something cool.

Oscar hushed him.


”Kida, remember. Early to bed, or no Christmas presents from Santa...” said Marge.

”Awwwww! But I want to watch the Gary Coleman Christmas special....” Bart whined.

”Fine...” Marge sighed.

They were watching Different Strokes or one of Gary Coleman’s other programmes.

”Whatchu talkin bout Willis?!” said Gary Coleman.

”Wow. Gary is so young there, I can’t tell if he’s actually a child there or a very small grown up.” said Marge. Gary Coleman suffers from dwarfism.

Hugo ate a bloody spear head cookie.

They then all went to bed eventually.

"Remember. No earlier than 7:00! And just so you won't set your alarm clocks an hour earlier I'm confiscating them!" Marge confiscating everyone's alarm clocks. Even Hugo's. Which was a bit difficult as he was clamped onto the alarm clock using his teeth to hold on.

Marge sighed.

"And no drinking loads of water before bed, Bart." said Marge.

Bart sighed.

”Clap on! Clap off! Clap on! Clap off!” Oscar thought the lights in the spare room were clap activated technology.

”Oz we don’t have clap technology yet...” Lisa sighed.

"Kallae kistnae..." Oscar rasped.


Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Simpson house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse. I like that line it's a classic.

Anyway despite that classic line, plenty of mice were stirring because the Simpsons have mouse holes...


Homer and Marge's room.

That night, Homer and Marge sat in bed.

Marge was reading one of her tea table books...

Marge spoke up.

"Think about it, Homer," she said, "after all this shopping we did for the kids and all and ourselves as well, this could be the best Christmas ever."

"Oh, you got that right, Marge. But I think there's one slight problem." said Homer.

"What's that?"

"Not everyone in Springfield loves Christmas."

"Who wouldn't? It's the greatest time of the year." said Marge.

"Well, my boss: Mr. Burns just hates the whole Christmas season." said Homer.

"Why is that?"

"I don't know! He's probably some sort or Scrooge. He's selfish... he's mean... he counts his money all day..."

Marge sighed, "We need to teach him the spirit of Christmas."

"And pigs will fly before he hears us out Marge." Homer sighed.

"Well, how about we just invite him to Christmas dinner. Like we did for Barney and Apu." said Narge.

"Sweetheart that's a terrible idea! He'd just ruin the entire night being a selfish goat! And Apu hated it last year! Kept telling us his gods were better than the Lord!" said Homer.

Marge sighed.

"Good night, Marge."

"Goodnight, Homie..." Marge sighed.


The next day the kids woke Homer and Marge up to open their presents. By jumping on the bed.

”Ow! You’re jumping on the bed while I’m still in it? Ow! Stop this madness!” Homer groaned because they jumped on the bed while Homer was still in it.

"Madness..." said Oscar.

"Oh no..." said Bart.

"THIS IS CHRISTMAS!" Oscar yelled and he Spartan kicked Homer.

Lisa got encyclopaedias.

”Thanks Mom.” said Lisa

Bart got a fire truck toy that squirted actual water and was remote controlled. In canon it caused an electrical fire and melted the fake Christmas tree. Then the Simpsons went on Jeopardy.

”I remember when we went on Jeopardy....” said Homer.

On Jeopardy.

”And Oscar your answer in the form of a question is...” said Alex Trebek. “Kebert Xela. Oh no! Aaaaaaaaaaagh!” He was forcefully transported off somewhere.

”Only saying his name backwards will send him back to the fifth dimension where he belongs...” said Oscar.

The Simpsons house.

Oscar got a sweater and Dash Dingo with a Y Box to play it on. And a bubble pipe from Bart.

"Cool! A bubble pipe! Now I can pretend to be a gentleman smoking in the evening!" Oscar cooed.

"Uh yeah... a gentleman..." Bart squirmed.

”And your sweater, Oscar?” Marge wanted to know how he felt about his sweater.

”I love it! Although I love sweaters so much I was almost tempted to buy myself some and ruin this thoughtful gift. Thanks Marge.” said Oscar.

Hugo got a fish. It was starting to go off. Hugo didn’t mind and was eating the fish.


However a new toy came out called Funzo that was instantly popular. The commercial was a boy shooting plastic missiles at his sister with it and making her cry.

"Hmmmm! That's not a very nice toy..." Marge grumbled.

Later in the kitchen.

Marge was cooking for the day. First she made breakfast.

”I like cake.” said Oscar helping Marge cook Christmas breakfast.

”Yes Oz. Now what is this poached eggs, Canadian bacon, English muffins and Hollandaise sauce again?” Marge asked.

”Eggs Benedict.” said Oscar.

”Like Hell you’re baking that traitor’s eggs?!” Homer yelled.

”Homer no! Not the poached eggs!” Marge yelled.

Homer went for the poached eggs.

”Marge Benedict Arnold was a traitor! He sold out to the English!” Homer yelled.

”Put a sock in it!” Oscar snapped. “He was not a traitor! He was a brave man who tried to save the glorious British empire!”

”Oz don’t support colonialism!” Lisa whined annoyed.

Oscar glared at her.

"God save our gracious Queen, Long live our noble Queen..." Oscar sang.

Lisa grunted and stormed out.

Marge sighed.

“Well, isn't that cute. Hugo’s making a snow angel.“ Marge saw something cute outside involving Hugo.

“A facedown snow angel...” said Bart concerned.

”I think he’s upset over something. Probably you, Homer...” said Oscar glaring at Homer as he went outside in his pyjamas. “Ooooooh! C-c-c-c-cooooold!” He moaned because of the snow.



Bart and Lisa got Funzos from Patty and Selma who couldn't think of a gift for them.

“Cool... I guess...” said Bart, getting a blue Funzo.

”These just look like a lame Furby rip off...” said Oscar. His Funzo shot lasers out of its eyes at him. “Ow!”

However they soon discovered the toy was evil as it destroyed their favourite toys!

"My Malibu Stacy!" Lisa cried as it was holding a pencil with a Malibu Stacy head on it.

"Krusty!" Bart cried as in the Funzo's other hand was a pencil topped with a Krusty doll's head.

Funzo danced with the pencils topped with Malibu Stacy and a Krusty heads.

Bart and Lisa got dressed and put their winter jackets on and went out to warn the people of the new and popular toy.

”Don’t buy Funzo! Its an evil toy killer!” Lisa warned.

However the Funzo put on an act of being cute and offered everyone a flower. They cooed and wanted one.

Bart and Lisa sighed and went to the company headquarters who made Funzo.

Meanwhile across town Funzo destroyed rival toys.

Teddy cried a gurgling guttural cry as Bart’s Funzo ripped his head clean off.

”Teddy!” Oscar cried. “That’s it! The Funzos must die!!” His eyes glowed red as his darkness took over.

Lisa’s Funzo was in the attic setting fire to the attic junk.

Hugo cried and ran about frightened by the flames.

”Woody nooooooo!” Andy from Toy Story cried as a Funzo broke his toys.

Hugo still in the burning attic winced. What? It's a classic movie...

Then A Funzo attacked Milhouse's Puppy Goo Goo.

"Puppy Goo Goo!" Milhouse cried.


Bart and Lisa snuck into the headquarters of the office building that made Funzos. In canon it was the same episode as when Bart broke his coccyx and had to use a wheelchair.

However Gary Coleman was a security guard. But he was distracted on the phone complaining about his galaxy of prawns takeaway.

"Three prawns is hardly a galaxy!" Gary complained.

"Lisa! It's Gary Coleman from Different Strokes!" Bart whispered as the snuck about.

"Oh that's so cool!" Oscar replied despite not being spoken to. "Did you know you can kill him in Postal!"

"Oscar that video game is R rated! I'm not allowed to play it..." Bart explained.

"Come on you two!" Lisa whispered.

"Wait, I wanna see how this conversation plays out!" Bart asked as Gary was still arguing with the takeaway company.

"Bart... his phone isn't even plugged in!" Lisa explained.

”I know!” Bart rolled his eyes.

They went to the board meeting.

"Your Funzo is evil!" Lisa yelled.

"How did you two get past Gary Coleman?" The lady executive asked.

"Let's just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy..." Bart explained.

Gary was on the phone to someone else. "Hang on I'll call you back! Yes Mr President! I will be your sponsor!"

"Gary you're fired!" The lady executive fired him.

"Whatchu talking bout Ms Naegel?!" He said his famous line.

"Oh that's adorable! You're rehired!" said Ms Naegel.

"Ha! I knew exactly what she was talking about!" Gary said smugly before falling asleep at his desk. He went to sleep.

Plot 2[]

"It's no use Bart! We need evidence!" Lisa explained. They were outside the toy company building having been escorted out by security.

"We need to sneak in again. At night!" Bart explained.

Time passes.

Well to pass time they had to deal with Hugo being an insufferable geek.

"You can involve yourself in electronics, computers, puzzles... there's a lot of creativity and brain working. There's a lot to model trains that people don't realize." said Hugo playing with a Rubik's cube.

Bart groaned.

"Um fascinating Hugo." said Lisa.

Hugo was solving a Rubik’s cube.

Soon it is night and Bart and Lisa sneak out to the Funzo Toy company headquarters.

They sneaked in through the vents. Down below in the lobby Gary Coleman was loudly practicing his karate. "Eeeeyaaaa! Ha!"

Bart winced.

Lisa silently gestured for him to follow.

They pass over a meeting room. Their new teachers from the canon Grift of the Magi are in there talking.

Anyway I made that a separate episode.

They arrived in work room where the Funzos were being built. However as they were snooping around a Funzo skeleton scared Lisa.

It was saying a few of its lines in a distorted manner.

Lisa screamed.

Bart heard security guards. "Let's get outta here!" They made their escape. However they bumped into Gary Coleman.

"Well, well, well! What do we have here?" Gary asked.

"Please Mr Coleman! The Funzos! They're evil!" Lisa begged.

"I know! I'm secretly working under cover to destroy them!" Gary explained. "And you're the first ever person to call me Mr! Everyone else thinks I'm a kid! It's not my fault I'm small!"

They heard security guards talking that they had found them.

"Quick! This way!" Gary lead them to safety.


Bart and Lisa made it back home thanks to Gary Coleman.

"Thanks Mr Coleman!" Lisa thanked him.

"Anything for you kids! Don't worry I'll help get rid of the Funzos" Gary drove off.

Bart and Lisa shrugged and went indoors.

”Where have you been?!” Marge was cross and quoted Molly Weasley. “Beds empty! Car gone! You could have been seen!”

”Sorry Mom.” said Bart.

”Off to bed you two!” said Marge.

Later that night. The Simpsons had a visitor. No not Santa...

The door is knocked frantically. Someone answer the frickin' door!"

Marge opens the door. "Hello." Said Marge

"Hello, my name is Gloria. I've been running from house to house all night and everyone has refused to help me. Someone is trying to kill me…" said Gloria

"Kill you? Who's trying to kill you?"Marge asks

"Robert Terwillger. " said Gloria

"Sideshow Bob? I'm sorry I'm not sure if we could help you either." Said Marge

"Please! Please! I've been to every other house around." Said Gloria

Marge sighs "Well, I suppose you could stay for the night." She turned to the fourth wall. "As for you, we don't need you anymore."

"Then give me my money and I'll go to Las Vegas and win so much more." said the narrator. That's just hilarious!

Marge gives the narrator his money and he leaves. XD!

Bart winced.

Marge comforted Gloria and made her a coffee.

Oscar was packing for Las Vegas.

”Oscar this is Gloria.” said Marge.

Oscar was thinking about saying something stupid.

”Are you Queen of the harpies?” Oscar asked.

”No she’s being threatened by Sideshow Bob.” said Marge.

”I don’t have time to do a Bob story!” said Oscar.


The next day Oscar watched Different Strokes.

”Whatchu talkin bout Willis?!” said Gary Coleman.

Then Sideshow Bob arrived looking for his new target Gloria but a rake slapped him. Thwack! Bob groaned irritated and fell unconscious.

Oscar dragged him down the street and dumped him somewhere.

Then Oscar played Postal or Postal 2, the one with Gary Coleman in it. He was in the mall and made his character pee on Gary.

Gary was swearing and threw up everywhere. Oscar then blasted his head clean off with a shotgun. Blood spurted everywhere.

”Cooooooooool!” said Oscar in awe.

”Oscar Bratwurst Tamaki!!” Marge Full named him. This episode he decided his middle name was Bratwurst. I prefer Diggs.

”Uh oh! Full name.” Oscar gulped.

”Oscar! That’s an extremely violent video game! You can’t play that!” Marge yelled.

”Who says I can’t?!” Oscar said petulantly.

Marge was about to respond but realised Oscar had a habit of murdering people who didn’t let him do things. “Well certainly not in my house! Why don’t you play that over at your uncles?” Marge asked.

”Because my uncle is currently really paranoid and aggressive from the drugs he takes... I’m not safe there right now....” said Oscar. “Oh this is cool! You can use cats as gun suppressors!”

A cat shrieked.

Marge was horrified he liked such a violent game.

Hugo walked past and winced at the violent game.

"Come on Oz..." my mother doesn't even let Bart play those kind of games..." said Hugo.

"Yes so turn it off!" said Marge.

"Kallae kistnae...." Oscar rasped in gibberish.

Hugo rolled his eyes.

"Nevermind..." Hugo sighed.


Elsewhere. Gary Coleman was sick of starring in cutesy, heartwarming Christmas movies or cameos on sitcoms.

”Oh look! It’s Gary Coleman.... Get some other beloved celebrity! Like a Don Knotts!” said Gary Coleman.

However Don Knotts was surrounded by too many ostriches.

"Oh there's too many ostriches! This is a terrible vacation!" Don Knotts whined.

Then the Principal of the school in Different Strokes startled Mrs Garrett.

”Oh! Girls!”

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Garrett. I didn't mean to startle you.” said the school principal. Why Mrs Garrett is in that show, I don’t know!

Hugo was annoyed Gary was the main character in The kid with a 200 IQ. “I should be the kid with the 200 IQ! Because I actually have an iQ of 200....” said Hugo.

”Shut up freak...” Homer sighed at Hugo.

Oscar whacked him with a baseball bat.

"Ow!" Homer cried.

Oscar and Hugo went off upstairs.

After the last year in which Hugo was hostile to any form of touching him. Even a hug was off limits. But this Christmas Hugo was starting to open up to Oscar and accepted he cares for him. Even loved him perhaps.

”Hugey! Hugey! Hugey!” Oscar squealed hopping about the attic playfully.

Hugo smiled and allowed Oscar to show him affection without growing at him or biting. Oscar hugged him.

Homer gagged in disgust as he fetched Christmas lights from the attic.



Bart wheeled himself into the living room in a wheelchair. “I crippled myself again...” he groaned.

”Bart don’t use that word!” Marge said sharply. “And how?!”

”It’s a long story...” Bart sighed.

“The Grift of the Maggie?! Why would this episode be about Maggie?” Oscar asked.

”No! Not Maggie! Magi! Another name for the three wise men!” said Lisa.

”And why would they swindle people...” Oscar asked.

”I have no idea.... the title is supposed to be a pun...” said Lisa.

Hugo chewed on a bloody spear head cookie.

Homer was flicking through the Television programmes. Bill Cosby was on.

"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children." said Bill Cosby. "Apart from drugging women with rohypnol and shagging them while they're unconscious." Yeah you freak...

”Narrator that hasn’t happened yet...” said Bart.

I don’t care I am going to keep going on about it!

”Narrator aren’t you supposed to be going on vacation to Las Vegas?” Lisa asked.

Um..... (Has shifty eyes.)


Later that evening they concocted a plan that involved Homer dressed as Santa stealing back the Funzos from families that bought them while Bart and Lisa distracted the owners by singing Christmas carols.

"Okay but you have to push my wheelchair." said Bart sat in his wheelchair.

"Fine...." said Lisa.

"So, who am I beating up?" Homer asked.

"No one..." Bart said exasperated. "You are helping us steal all the Funzos every kid in town got. Thus saving Christmas and toys that haven't been hunted down and killed by the Funzos yet..."

Bart had a tear in his eye as he looked at his headless Krusty doll.

"Ah I see." said Homer.

The first house went fine.

"Joy to the world! Etc." Bart and Lisa sang while Homer stole a Funzo from the Wiggum's.

However at the Hibberts Homer smashed a lamp and got attacked by their dog.

"Silent niiiiight." Bart and Lisa sing.

All hell breaks loose inside the Hibbert house as Homer breaks a lamp and a dog attacks him.

"Holy niiiiight..." Bart and Lisa sing while rolling their eyes.

They later burnt all the Funzos on a fire. However the Funzos were singing while being burnt.

"That's kinda morbidly funny!" Bart giggled.

However a Funzo skeleton attacked! But Gary Coleman subdued it with karate.

"Yay! Gary Coleman!" Bart and Lisa celebrated.

"I wouldn't celebrate so soon!" said the executives of the Fun Toy company that made Funzos. "Funzos attack!" They had reprogrammed some Funzos to attack people!

Gary fended them off.

"I wander if you can short circuit them?" Oscar asked throwing water on some.

"No!" Gary yelled.

The Funzos that got soaked mutated into Gremlins despite being machines because Gremlins are cool!

"Oh great! Gremlins..." Bart sighed as the Gremlins attacked them by pulling at their ears, hair and biting them.

Gary killed the Gremlins by using a taser.

"A taser! Cooool! Just like Postal! Oscar cooed.

"Aren't you a bit too young for that game?!" Gary Coleman asked.

"No one's the boss of me!" Oscar replied as he fought with a Gremlin.

Eventually they killed all the Gremlins and the executives got arrested.

"And we would have gotten away with it. If it weren't for you meddling kids!!" Jim Hope ranted.

Oscar laughed.

"Come on kids, let's all go home for dinner..." Homer sighed at the carnage.

However Gary was lonely.

"Dad...!" Bart nudged his dad.

"Erm Mr Coleman how about you come round for dinner..." Homer asked.

"Whatchu talking bout Willis?" Gary asked.

Eventually he decided to come round and have dinner with them.

"Someone clamped your truck Mr Coleman!" Marge explained after dinner.

"Whatchu talking bout Marge?!" Gary Coleman asked.

"Whatchu talking bout everyone!" Gary greeted the fourth wall.

"Merry Christmas!" The Simpsons cheered.

The end!